Heathers is a 1989 black comedy film about a girl who for a time half-heartedly tries to be part of the "in crowd" of her school, the Heathers, who rule over others through intimidation, contempt, and sex appeal, and the lessons she learns in her interaction with a sarcastic anti-social rebel with an attitude and far more extreme forms of contempt for people and society.
- How very.
- What is your damage, Heather?!
- If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a human being. You'd be a game-show host.
- [praying over Heather's casket] Hi, I'm sorry. Technically, I did not kill Heather Chandler, but hey, who am I trying to kid, right? I just want my high school to be a nicer place. Amen. Did that sound bitchy?
- Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit has a body count. Everybody's sad...but it's kind of a weird kind of sad. Suicide gave Heather depth, Kurt a soul, Ram a brain! I don't know what it's given me, but I have no control over myself when I'm with J.D.! Are we going to prom or to hell?!
- Dear Diary: Heather told me she teaches people "real life." She said real life sucks losers dry. You want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly. I said, so you teach people how to spread their wings and fly? She said, "Yes." I said, "You're beautiful."
- Oh, beautiful. The beaver's home.
Jason "J.D." Dean
- Greetings and Salutations.
- Football season is over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing left to offer the school except date rapes and AIDS jokes.
- Our love is god, let's go get a slushie!
- Today was great, chaos is great! Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling.
- I can't believe you did it. I was teasing. I loved you. Course, I was coming up here to kill ya...
- They all want me as a friend or a fuck. I'm worshipped at Westerburg and I'm only a junior.
- Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Teresa?
- Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? First you ask if you can be red, knowing that I'm always red.
- [praying, at Heather Chandler's funeral] I prayed for the death of Heather Chandler many times and I felt bad every time I did it but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you understood everything. Praise Jesus, Hallelujah.
- Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?
- Color me stoked, girl.
- Father Ripper: We must pray the other teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio, know the name of that righteous dude who can solve their problems: it's Jesus Christ, and he's in the Book.
- Veronica's Mom: When teenagers complain that they want to be treated like human beings, it's usually because they are being treated like human beings.
- J.D.: Is your life perfect?
- Veronica: I'm on my way to a party at Remington University... No, my life's not perfect. I don't really like my friends.
- J.D.: I. . . . I don't really like your friends either.
- Veronica: Well, it's just like - they're people I work with, and our job is being popular and shit.
- J.D.: Maybe it's time to take a vacation.
- Heather Chandler: You stupid fuck!
- Veronica: You goddamn bitch!
- Heather Chandler: You were nothing before you met me! You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn! You were a bluebird! You were a brownie! You were a Girl Scout cookie! I got you into a Remington party! What's my thanks? It's on a hallway carpet. I got paid in puke!
- Veronica: LICK IT UP, BABY! Lick! It! Up!
- Heather Chandler: . . . . Monday morning, you're history. I'll tell everyone about tonight. Transfer to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. Nobody at Westerburg's gonna let you play their reindeer games!
- Veronica: Oh my God! I just killed my best friend!
- J.D.: And your worst enemy!
- Veronica: SAME DIFFERENCE!
- J.D.: What are we gonna tell the cops? "Fuck it if she can't take a joke, Sarge?!"
- Veronica: Oh, the cops! I can't believe this is my life! Oh my God! I'm gonna have to send my SAT scores to San Quentin instead of Stanford!
- J.D.: Ah, right. Just a little freaked here. Well at least you got what ya wanted, ya know?
- Veronica: Got what I wanted?! It is one thing to want somebody out of your life! It is another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of liquid drainer!
- Dennis: I'm not belittling the Foodless Fund, Peter, but we're talking teen suicide here! Ask Alison: The number-one song in America today is Teenage Suicide (Don't Do It) by Big Fun. Jesus, man! Westerburg finally got one of these, and I'm not about to blow it!
- Peter: Great. So Heather gets the front page and I get crammed in by the Taco Bell coupon.
- Veronica: Hi, guys. Came to check on this week's [sees the Heather Chandler Yearbook Spread] Lunchtime Poll Topic.
- Dennis: [helps Veronica sit down] Hey, don't worry about it, Veronica, sit down! That funeral yesterday must have really been rough, huh? [trying to get Veronica's mind off the funeral] We were wondering if you had any poems, artwork that Heather did that we can put in the Heather Chandler Yearbook Spread.
- Veronica: [looks at Dennis with barely concealed horror] The WHAT?!
- Dennis: [leads Veronica to the display of the Yearbook Spread] Take a look at this. It's a two-page layout with her suicide note right up here in the corner. [sees Veronica's disgust] It's more tasteful than it sounds!
- Veronica: I don't know, Dennis. This stuff leaves a bad taste in my mouth. . . .
- Courtney: [she was listening; what a surprise] Like last night, Veronica? [she and her friend giggle in a conspiritorial manner]
- Veronica: [gives Courtney a WTF look] Excuse me? I don't get it.
- Courtney: What you did last night. Kurt told us of your little date.
- Veronica: [scoffs] Yeah, and? I left him drunk and flailing in cow shit.
- Courtney: I don't know. He was really detailed.
- Peter: Shut up, Courtney.
- Veronica: No, don't shut up! I'd like to know exactly what I did!
- Peter: [pulling Veronica aside] C'mon, Veronica; I'll show you the Poll Topic.
- Veronica: What the fuck?
- Peter: Okay, now I RARELY listen to Neanderthals like Kurt Kelly, BUT he said he and Ram had a nice little sword fight in your mouth last night. Know what I mean? Hmmm?
- Veronica: [disgusted] EW! That son of a bitch!
- Veronica: All we want is to be treated like human beings, not to be experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits.
- Veronica's Dad: I don't patronize bunny rabbits!
- Veronica's Mom: Treated like human beings? Is that what you just said, Little Miss Voice of a Generation? Just how do you think adults act with other adults? You think it's all just a game of doubles tennis? When teenagers complain about wanting to be treated like human beings, it's usually because they're being treated like human beings.
- Heather McNamara: Suicide is a private thing.
- Veronica: Heather, you're throwing your life away to become a statistic in the US-fucking-A Today! That's about the least private thing I can think of!
- Veronica: Heather, why can't you just be a friend?! Why do you have to be such a megabitch?!
- Heather Duke: Because I can be.
- J.D.: Do you think that just because you started this thing you can end it?!
- Veronica: I'll kill you, I'll fucking kill you, I swear to God! How do I turn off the God damn bomb, asshole?!
- J.D.: [flips the bird at Veronica] FUCK YOU! [Veronica shoots his middle finger] SHIT!
- Veronica: It's all over, J.D., help me stop it!
- J.D.: You want a clean slate as much as I do! Alright, so maybe I am killing everyone in the school because nobody loves me! Let's face it, alright. The only place where different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven.
- Veronica: Which button do I press to turn it off?
- J.D.: Try the red one, alright? Seriously, people will look at the ashes of Westerburg and say, "Now there's a school that self-destructed, not because society didn't care, but because the school was society." Now that's deep.
- Veronica: WHICH red button?
- J.D.: Press the one in the middle, to turn it off if that's what you really want.
- Veronica: You know what I want, babe?
- J.D.: What?! [tries to attack but Veronica shoots him to stop the bomb]
- Veronica: Cool guys like you out of my life.
- Heather Duke: Veronica! You look like hell!
- Veronica: Yeah? I just got back! Heather, my love, there's a new sheriff in town!
- Best friends, social trends and occasional murder.
- A killer comedy.
- Winona Ryder - Veronica Sawyer, a salty seventeen-year-old girl who wants to end the social hierarchy at Westerburg High
- Christian Slater - Jason 'J.D.' Dean, a sarcastic trench-coat-sporting rebel who hates a social hierarchy of any form
- Shannen Doherty - Heather Duke
- Kim Walker - Heather Chandler
- Lisanne Falk - Heather McNamara
- Penelope Milford - Pauline Fleming
- Glenn Shadix - Father Ripper
- Lance Fenton - Kurt Kelly
- Patrick Labyorteaux - Ram Sweeney
- Carrie Lynn - Martha 'Dumptruck' Dunnstock
- John Ingle - Principal Gowan