Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman (circa 1957)

Henry "Henny" Youngman (16 March 190624 February 1998) was a comedian and violinist famous for "one-liners", short simple jokes usually delivered rapid-fire.


  • The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
    • "Forbes‎" - Vol. 166, Page 156, de Bertie Charles Forbes - Forbes Inc., 2000
  • Take my wife - please!
    • Take My Wife, Please!: Henny Youngman's Giant Book of Jokes (1999)
  • Business was so bad the other night the orchestra was playing "Tea for One."
    • Don't Put My Name on this Book (1976), p. 92
  • My first Hollywood picture wasn't released, it escaped.
    • Insurance Newsweek, volume 45 (1944), page 60
  • I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother,
    • 101 of My Funniest Jokes. New York: Henny Youngman (1976). Brochure.[1].

"The Haunted Smile: The Story of Jewish Comedians in America" (2001)[edit]

Lawrence J. Epstein's "The Haunted Smile: The Story of Jewish Comedians in America" (2001)

  • I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
  • My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
  • We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
  • My wife told me the car wasn't running well. There was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, and she told me it was in the lake.
  • My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
  • My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but can she climb a tree.

External links[edit]

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  1. Cited in: Essays of an Information Scientist, Vol:4, p.515-518, 1979-80, Current Comments #26, p. 516, June 30, 1980 PDF