Hercules (1997 film)

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Hercules is a 1997 film produced by Walt Disney Feature Animation and released by Walt Disney Pictures. It tells the story about the adventures of Hercules, the son of Zeus in Greek mythology.

Directed by John Musker and Ron Clements. Written by Ron Clements, John Musker, Don McEnery, Bob Shaw and Irene Mecchi. Songs by Alan Menken and David Zippel. Score Produced by Alan Menken.
A Comedy of Olympian Proportions

Hercules

[edit]
  • [to Zeus] But, Father, I've defeated every single monster I've come up against. I-I'm...I'm the most famous person in all of Greece. I'm...I'm an action figure!
  • A true hero. Great! Uh, exactly how do you become a true hero?
  • Wow. What a day. First that restaurant by the bay...And then that, that play, that, that, that Oedipus thing?! Man! I thought I had problems!

Meg

[edit]
  • Well, you know how men are. They think 'No' means 'Yes' and 'Get lost' means 'Take me, I'm yours.'
  • Thanks, Herc. It's been a real slice.
  • [rushing into Thebes, crying out] Please. Help! Please! There's been a terrible accident!
  • [Hercules walks to the Cyclops] What are you doing?! Without your strength you'll be killed!
  • [seeking a pillar falling, gasps in shock] Hercules, look out! [runs to push him out of the way; the pillar crushes her]
  • [as she lies down dying] Hades' deal is broken. [groans] He promised I wouldn't get hurt. [moans] People always do crazy things... [moans again] when they're in love.
  • You're really choked up about this, aren't you?
  • [to Hades] Then read my lips! Forget it.

Hades

[edit]
  • How sentimental. You know, I haven't been this choked up since I got a hunk of moussaka caught in my throat! Huh?! [no one replies] So, is this an audience or a mosaic?
  • Love to, babe. But unlike you gods lounging about up here, I, regrettably, have a full-time gig that you, by the way, so charitably bestowed on me, Zeus.
  • Memo to me, memo to me: maim you after my meeting.
  • I’m about to rearrange the cosmos... and the one schlemiel who can louse it up.. is waltzing around

IN THE WOODS!!!!!!!

  • Let’s get ready to

RUMBLE!!!!!!!

  • [as Hydra about to kill Hercules] My favorite part of the game... Sudden death.
  • Game. Set. Match.
  • I've got 24 hours to get rid of this bozo, or the entire scheme I’ve been setting up for 18 years goes up in smoke, and you are wearing HIS MERCHANDISE?!?!
  • He's gotta have a weakness, because everybody's got a weakness. I mean, for what? Pandora, it was the box thing. For the Trojans, hey! They bet on the wrong horse. Okay?
  • Meg, Meg Meg! My sweet, deluded little minion. Aren't we forgetting one teensy-weensy, but-ever-so-crucial, little, tiny detail? [shouts]

I OWN YOU!!!

  • We dance, we kiss, we schmooze, we carry on, we go home happy. What d’ya say? Come on.
  • Ba-boom! Name's Hades, Lord of the Dead. Hi, how ya doin'?
  • [sees the Titans leaving Olympus] Guys, get your titanic rears in gear and KICK SOME OLYMPIAN BUTT!! [Pegasus blows out his flaming hair] Whoa, is my hair out?
  • [as the Titans attack away from Mount Olympus] Uh, guys? Olympus would be that way. [points in the opposite direction]
  • Zeusy, I'm home!
  • [after Hercules defeated the titans] Thanks a ton, Wonderboy! But at least I've got one swell consolation prize, a friend of yours who's dying to see me.
  • [sees upon Hercules with his body glowing, holding Meg's soul] This... This is impossible! You can't be alive! You'd have to be a... (Pain and Panic: A god?)
  • [last lines, as the film closes] What do you say? It's happy ending time. Everybody's got a little taste in something, but me. I've got nothing. I'm here with nothing. Anybody listening?! It's like, what am I? An echo or something? Hello! Hello! Am I talking to what? HYPERSPACE?! HELLO! IT'S ME! Nobody listens.

Phil

[edit]
  • I trained all those would-be heroes. Odysseus, Perseus, Theseus. A lot of "yusses". And every single one of those bums let me down flatter than a discus. None of them could go the distance. [Looking at a statue of a soldier in armor] And then there was Achilles. Now there was a guy who had it all; the build, the foot-speed. He could jab! He could take a hit! He could keep on comin'! [pause] BUT THAT FURSLUGGINER HEEL OF HIS! He barely gets nicked there once [flicks the statue's heel; it shatters into tiny fragments] and kaboom! He's history. Yeah, I had a dream once. I dreamed I would train the greatest hero there ever was. So great the gods would hang a picture of him in the stars for everyone to see. And everyone would say, "That's Phil's boy." That's right...Ah, but dreams are for rookies. A guy can only take so much disappointment.
  • One town, a million troubles. The one and only Thebes. The Big Olive itself. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere.
  • [after being called a goat-man; face turns red in anger] Watch it, pal.
  • You...I got your heel RIGHT HERE! [tackles Tall Thebian with his head, throws punches] I'll wipe that stupid grin off your face! You- [bites Tall Thebian's butt]
  • [as Hercules fights the Hydra, whose heads multiply as they are cut off] WILL YOU FORGET THE HEAD-SLICING THING?!?!
  • [after Hercules defeats the Hydra] YA DID IT, KID! YA DID IT, YOU WON BY A LANDSLIDE!
  • [about Meg] SHE'S A FRAUD!!! She's been playing you for a sap!
  • No no no no no, kid, giving up is for rookies. I came back because I'm not quitting on ya. I'm willing to go the distance. How about you?

Zeus

[edit]
  • You ought to slow down, you'll work yourself to death... HA! Work yourself to death!
  • Hey, you wanted answers, and by thunder, you're old enough to know the truth!
  • Hercules, if you can prove yourself a true hero on Earth, your godhood will be restored!
  • I'm afraid being famous is not the same as being a true hero.
  • SOUND THE ALARM! LAUNCH AN IMMEDIATE COUNTERATTACK! GO! GO!
  • For a true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart. Now, at last, my son, you can come home.

The Narrator and the Muses

[edit]
The Narrator: [First lines] Long ago, in the far away land of ancient Greece, there was a golden age of powerful gods and extraordinary heroes. And the greatest and strongest of all these heroes was the mighty Hercules. But what is the measure of a true hero? Now that is where our story-
Thalia: Would you listen to him? He's making the story sound like some Greek tragedy!
Terpsichore: Lighten up, dude!
Calliope: We'll take it from here, darling.
Narrator: You go, girl.

Calliope: If there is one god who don't want to get steamed up, it's Hades.
Terpsichore: 'Cause he had an evil plan.
Thalia: [singing] He ran the underworld,
But thought the dead were dull and uncouth
He was as mean as he was ruthless
And that's the gospel truth
He had a plan to shake things up
And that's the gospel truth!

Melpomene: [singing] Young Herc was mortal now
But since he did not drink the last drop,
He still retained his godlike strength,
So thank his lucky star

But Zeus and Hera wept
Because their son could never come home,
They'd have to watch their precious baby
Grow up from afar

Though, Hades' horrid plan
Was hatched before Herc cut his first tooth
The boy grew stronger ev'ry day
And that's the gospel truth


Thalia: [singing about Hercules' fame and success] And they slapped his face on ev'ry vase
Clio: [hits Thalia on the head] On ev'ry "vah-se!"

Dialogue

[edit]
Hades: How sentimental. You know, I haven't been this choked up since I got a hunk of moussaka caught in my throat! Huh?! [all gods look sternly at him] So, is this an audience or a mosaic? Hey, how you doin'? Lookin' good. Nice dress.
Zeus: Hades! You finally made it! How's things in the underworld?
Hades: [sarcastically] Ah, well, it's just fine. Y'know, little dark, little gloomy, and there's always "Hey! Full of dead people, whaddya gonna do?" [sees baby Hercules] Ah! There's the little sunspot, little smootchie. And here is a sucker for the little sucker, eh? [Hercules squeezes Hades' finger, causing Hades to pull away in pain] Sheesh! Uh, powerful little tyke.
Zeus: Come on, Hades. Don't be such a stiff, join the celebration!
Hades: Hey, love to, babe. But unlike you gods lounging about up here, I, regrettably, have a full-time gig that you, by the way, so charitably bestowed on me, Zeus. So... can't. Love to, but can't.
Zeus: You ought to slow down, you'll work yourself to death... HA! Work yourself to death! [he and the other gods laugh] Oh, I kill myself!
Hades: [walks away in annoyance] If only, if only...

[Hades arrives home in Underworld]
Hades: PAIN!
Pain: [running down stairs] Coming, your most lugubriousness! [trips and bounces down the stairs, hits on spike claw, screams]
Hades: PANIC!
Panic: [runs down stairs panicked] Oh! I'm sorry. I can handle it!
[Pain pulls himself off the spike claw, Panic trip flies into the air and lands his ears on Pain, causing him to scream in pain. Hades rolls his eyes]
Pain: Pain! Oh.
Panic: And Panic! Gah!
Pain and Panic: Reporting for duty!
Hades: Fine, fine, fine. Just let me know the instant the Fates arrive.
[Pain pulls Panic off him]
Panic: Oh. They're here.
Pain: Mmm-hmm.
Hades: [goes up in flames] WHAT?! The fates are here, and you didn't TELL ME?!?!?!
Pain and Panic: [both yell and turn into worms] We are worms! Worthless worms! [both start sobbing]
Hades: [calms down, walks away] Memo to me, memo to me. Maim you after my meeting.

Hades: Ladies. Hah! I'm so sorry that I'm-
Fates: [all at once] Late!
Lachesis: We knew you would be.
Clotho: We know everything!
Lachesis: Past.
Clotho: Present!
Atropos: And future. [elbows Panic, whispering] Indoor plumbing. It's gonna be big.

Lachesis: In 18 years precisely, The planets will align ever so nicely.
Hades: Ay, verse. Oy.
Lachesis: The time to act will be at hand / Unleash the Titans, your monstrous band.
Hades: Mmm-hmm. Good, good.
Clotho: Then the once-proud Zeus will finally fall / And you, Hades, will rule all!
Hades: [excitedly] Yes! Hades rules!
Atropos: A word of caution to this tale...
Hades: [stops short] Excuse me?
Atropos: Should Hercules fight, you will fail.
[The Fates laugh, then disappear]
Hades: [his head goes fiery red with rage]

WHAAAAAAAT?!?! [calmly] Okay, fine, fine, I'm cool, I'm fine.


[As Pain and Panic kidnap Hercules, Zeus and Hera are woken up by the commotion.]
Zeus: Huh?
Hera: What? What is it?
Zeus & Hera: [both realize something's wrong] The baby!
[They run to the cradle and find out that Hercules was kidnapped.]
Hera: [shocked] Hercules, oh...! [starts sobbing]
Zeus: [outraged; roaring]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [voice echoes]

[Thunder starts raging in Mount Olympus]

Panic: Hades is gonna kill us when he finds out what happened.
Pain: You mean, if he finds out!
Panic: Of course he's gonna- If... If is good.

Zeus: Hey, you wanted answers, and by thunder, you're old enough to know the truth!
Hercules: But why did you leave me on earth? Didn't you want me?
Zeus: Of course we did. Your mother and I loved you with all our hearts. But someone stole you from us and turned you mortal, and only gods can live on Mount Olympus.
Hercules: And you can't do a thing?
Zeus: I can't, Hercules, but you can!
Hercules: R-really? W-what? I-I'll do anything.
Zeus: Hercules, if you can prove yourself a true hero on Earth, your godhood will be restored!

[Hercules goes to stop Nessus the centaur from manhandling Meg]
Nessus: [looms over him] Step aside, two-legs.
Hercules: [awkwardly] Pardon me, my good, uh...sir, but I demand you release that young...
Meg: [annoyed] Keep moving, junior.
Hercules: ...lady. But you...aren't you...a damsel in distress?
Meg: [struggling in Nessus' grip] I'm a damsel...Ugh! I'm in distress. I can handle this. Have a nice day.

Meg: Look, it wasn't my fault, it was this wonder-boy Hercules!
[Hades freezes in shock; Pain and Panic look nervous]
Panic: Hercules...oh...why does that name ring a bell?
Pain: I dunno...maybe we owe him money?
Hades: What... was that name ... again?
Meg: Hercules.
Hades: [turns red with fury, then turns away, still red hot] OH!!!
Meg: [continuing seemingly without noticing Hades] He comes on with this big 'innocent farmboy' routine, but I could see through that in a Peloponnesian minute. [snaps her fingers]
Pain: Wait a minute. Wasn't Hercules the name of that kid we were supposed to-?
Pain and Panic: [spot Hades reaching for them] OH, MY GODS!!!
Pain: Run for it!
Hades: [grabs them] So you took care of him, huh?! Dead as a doornail! Weren't those your exact words?!
Pain: This might be a different Hercules!
Panic: Yeah, I mean Hercules is a... [Hades chokes him] very popular name nowadays!
Pain: Remember like a few years ago-every other boy was named Jason and the girls were all named Britney?!
Hades: [chokes Pain] I'm about to re-arrange the cosmos... and the one SCHLEMIEL... [both Pain and Panic transform themselves into bugs in fear] WHO CAN LOUSE IT UP... IS WALTZING AROUND... IN THE WOODS!!!!!!!! [literally explodes with rage, starts panting]
Pain: Wait. Wait, big guy. [morph back into normal] We can still cut in on his waltzing.
Panic: That's right! [morphs back into normal] And-And-And at least, we made him mortal, that's a good thing. Didn't we?
Hades: Hmm... [extends his arms and brings Meg, Pain, and Panic closer to him as he instructs them] Fortunately, for the three of you, we still have time to correct this rather egregious oversight. And this time, no foul-ups.

[As the Thebans are walking away from Hercules]
Phil: [frustrated] Don't you pea brains get it?! This kid is the genuine article!
Burnt Man: Hey, isn't that goat man who trained Achilles?
Phil: [his face turns red; angry] Watch it, pal.
Tall Thebian: Yeah, you're right. Hey, uh, nice job on those heels! Ya missed a spot!
Phil: You...I got your heel RIGHT HERE! [tackles Tall Thebian and starts punching him] I'll wipe that STUPID GRIN OFF YOUR FACE! YOU LARBUTT! [bites Tall Thebian's butt]
Hercules: [runs to pull Phil away] Hey, Phil! Phil! Phil! Take it easy, Phil! [Phil rips a small cloth in his mouth] Phil.
Tall Thebian: What are you crazy?! Sheesh.
Lumpy Woman: Young man, we need a professional hero. Not an amateur.
[Phil spits out a ripped cloth, the Thebans walk away]
Hercules: No, wait! Stop! [sighs and sits down] How am I supposed to prove myself a hero if nobody will give me a chance?
Phil: You'll get your chance; you just need some kind of catastrophe or disaster.
Meg: [suddenly enters from the crowd with a urgent warning] Please! Help! Please! There's been a terrible accident!
Hercules: Meg?
Phil: Speaking of disasters.
Meg: Wonderboy! Hercules! Thank goodness!
Hercules: Wha-What's wrong?
Meg: Outside of town, two little boys, they were playing in the gorge. There was that rock slide, a terrible rock slide. They're trapped!
Hercules: Kids? Trapped? [to Phil] Phil, this is great!
Meg: You are really choked up about this, aren't ya?
Hercules: [drags Meg onto Pegasus] Come on!
Meg: No, I...You don't under...I have this terrible fear of [Pegasus takes off in the air] HEEEEEEEIIIIGHTS!
Phil: [gets tired from running] I'm right behind ya, kid! Whoo! I'm way behind ya, kid. [starts to run tiredly] I got a fur wedgie.

Hades: I can't believe this guy. I throw everything I've got at him and it doesn't even- [notices Pain wearing Air-Herc sandals] What... are... those?
Pain: Um, I don't know. I thought they looked kinda dashing.
Hades: I got 24 hours to get rid of this bozo, or the entire scheme I've been setting up for 18 years goes up in smoke, [up in flames] ...and you...are wearing... HIS... MERCHANDISE!?!?!
[Suddenly the sound of slurping can be heard and Hades turns to Panic who is drinking Hercules soda cup; Panic then notices that Hades is angrily]
Panic: [chuckles nervously] Thirsty?
[Hades, entirely up in flames, screams in sheer rage; a big explosions far away and the whole stadium rumbles]

Hercules: You should have been there, father! I mangled the minotaur, grappled with the Gorgon, Just like Phil told me, I analyzed the situation, controlled my strength and kicked! The crowds went wild! Thank you, thank you.
Zeus: Hah! You're doin' great, son. You're doin' your old man proud!
Hercules: I am glad to hear you say that, father. I've been waiting for this day a long time.
Zeus: Hmm.. What day is that, son?
Hercules: The day I rejoin the gods.
Zeus: You've done wonderfully, you really have, my boy. You're just not there yet. You haven't proved yourself a true hero.
Hercules: But father, I've beaten every single monster I've come up against. I'm-I'm the most famous person in all of Greece. I'm-- I'm an action figure!
Zeus: I'm afraid being famous is not the same as being a true hero.
Hercules: What more can I do?
Zeus: It's something you have to discover for yourself.
Hercules: But how can I--
Zeus: Look inside your heart...

[Phil just explained to Hercules that Meg is a traitor but he ignores him]
Phil: SHE'S A FRAAAAAUUUUUUUUD! She's been playing you for a sap!
Hercules: [incredulous] Oh, come on, stop kidding around.
Phil: I'm NOT kidding around!
Hercules: I know you're upset about today, but that's no reason to-
Phil: Kid, you're missing the point!
Hercules: Point is: I LOVE her.
Phil: She don't love you!
Hercules: You're crazy!
Phil: She's nothing but a two-timin'-
Hercules: [angrily] STOP IT!
Phil: -no good, LYIN, SCHEMING-
Hercules: [in his anger, he suddenly turns around and slaps Phil] SHUT UP!!!! [due to the strength of the slap, Phil is knocked away and crashes into a pile of weights and chains; Hercules is horrified of what he has done, and Phil looks at him, just as shocked] Phil, I...I didn't mean...Oh, I'm-I'm sorry.
Phil: Okay. Okay, that's it. You won't face the truth? Fine.
Hercules: Phil, wait. Where are you going?
Phil: I'm hopping the first barge outta here. I'm going home.
Hercules: FINE! G-GO! I don't- I don't need you. [starts lifting a heavy weight]
Phil: [stops and looks back; to himself] I thought you were going to be the all-time champ. [Hercules stops lifting] Not the all-time chump. [leaves]
[Hercules looks back at him with a look of guilt and regret ]

[Hades appears, lying casually on the bar Hercules uses for exercises]
Hades: Geez, Louise. What's got his goat, huh? [swings down] Baboom. My name's Hades, Lord of the Dead. Hi, how ya doing?
Hercules: Not now, okay.
Hades: Hey, wait, I only need a few seconds, and I'm a fast learner, right? You see, I've had this major deal in the works...a real estate venture, if you will. And Herc, you little devil, you, may I call you Herc? You seem to be constantly getting in the way of things, right?
Hercules: You have the wrong guy.
Hades: Hear me out, ya little - heh-heh. Just -hear me out, okay? Well I would be...eternally grateful if you would just...take a day off from this hero business of yours. Jeez, I mean monsters, natural disasters. Phew. You wait a day?
Hercules: You're out of your mind. [starts to turn away]
Hades: Not so fast, because, ya see...I have this one, a little leverage, you might wanna know about. [snaps his finger and Meg appears]
Hercules: Meg!
Megara: Don't listen, Herc– [she is cut off until Hades binds and gags her, but makes her disappear again]
Hercules: Let her go!
Hades: Here's the trade-off. You give up your strength for about 24 hours, alright? Say the next 24 hours and [Meg reappears, still bounded and gagged] Meg here is free as a bird and safe from harm. We dance, we kiss, we schmooze, we carry on, we go home happy. Whaddya say? C'mon.
Hercules: People are...are gonna get hurt, aren't they?
Hades: Nah! I mean, you know, it's a possibility. It happens 'cause, y'know, it's war - but what can I tell ya? Anyway, what do you owe these people, huh? Isn't Meg - little smoochy face - isn't she more important than they are?
Hercules: Stop it!
Hades: Isn't she!?
Hercules: You gonna swear she'll be safe from any harm.
Hades: Fine, okay, I'll give ya that one. Meg is safe, otherwise you get your strength right back, yadda-yadda, fine print, boiler plate, baboom. Alright? We're done. Whaddya say we shake on it? [Hercules hesitates] Hey, I really don't have, like, time to bat this around. I'm kind of on a schedule here, I have plans for August, alright? I need a response, like, now. Going once, going twice...
Hercules: Alright!
Hades: Yes, we're there! Bam! [they shake hands and Hercules' strength drains from him] You may feel just a little queasy, it's kinda natural...perhaps you should SIT DOWN!! [picks up a dumbbell and fires it at Hercules, pinning him underneath it] Now you know how it feels to be just like everybody else. Isn't this just... peachy? Oh! You'll love this - one more fact. Meg... babe. A deal's a deal. You're off the hook. [frees her] By the way, Herc. Is she not, like, a famous little actress? [starts dancing with Megara]
Megara: Stop that.
Hercules: What do you mean?
Hades: I mean your little chickie-poo here was working for me all the time. Duh.
Hercules: You're-You're lying!
[Hades motions towards Pain and Panic, who are disguised as the boys again]
Panic: [as a boy] Help! [Coughs]
Pain: [as another boy] Jeepers, mister, you're really strong!
[They turn back themselves and start laughing at him]
Hades: [to Megara] Couldn't have done it with you, sweetheart, babe.
Megara: [pulls apart from Hades and runs over to Hercules] No, it's not like that! I didn't mean to- [Hercules walks away from her] I-I couldn't...I-I'm so sorry.
Pain and Panic: [singing while taunting Hercules] Our hero's a zero! Our hero's a zero!
[Meg starts to cry in regret]
Hades: Well, gotta blaze. There's a whole cosmos up there waiting for me with, hey, my name on it. [Meg starts weeping as he flies away in his chariot] So much for the preliminaries, and now onto the main event!

[Hades approaches the very spot where the Titans are imprisoned]
Hades: Brothers! Titans! Look at you in your squalid prison! Who put you down there?!
Titans: ZEUS!
Hades: [releases them] And now that I set you free, what is the first thing you are going to do?!
Titans: [punch through the ground] DESTROY HIM!
Hades: Good answer.

[The Titans think they are on their way to Olympus]
Hades: Uh, guys? [the Titans face Hades; points at Olympus] Olympus would be that way.
[the Titans head off to Olympus]

Zeus: I NEED MORE THUNDERBOLTS!
Hermes: Uh, Hephaestus has been captured, my Lord. Everyone's been captured! [Pain and Panic get him] I've been captured! Hey, hey! Watch the glasses.
[Pyros and Hydros make a mountain of ice and fire with Zeus on top.]
Hades: Zeusy, I'm home!
Zeus: [shocked] Hades, YOU'RE BEHIND THIS?!
Hades: You are correct, sir!

Hera: Hercules, we're so proud of you.
Hercules: Mother.
Zeus: Hah! Fine work, my boy! You've done it! You're a true hero.
Hera: You were willing to give your life to rescue this young woman.
Zeus: For a true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart. Now, at last, my son, you can come home.

Taglines

[edit]
  • A Comedy of Epic Proportions
  • Happy IV of July!
  • Zero to Hero!
  • Who puts the GLAD in GLADIATOR?
  • You can run but you can't Hydra!

Cast

[edit]
[edit]
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