Holiday in Handcuffs
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She's bringing home the perfect boyfriend... Even if it's a federal offense.
- [Opening dialogue.]
- Trudie: I'm not crazy. I'm a long way from crazy. Doing one crazy thing does not make a person crazy.
- David: Look, I'm not sure what's going on or what you want from me, but this plan doesn't seem very well thought out. Let's face it - I'm a guy and sooner or later, I will overpower you.
- Trudie: Yeah. Good point, unless you knock yourself out first or I shoot you.
- David: You seem like a nice girl. Probably nothing a little lithium couldn't fix.
- Mom: Oh, my gosh! What have you done to your hair? You look like one of those actresses in a pornographic movie.
- Trudie: I have porn-star hair? How do you even know what a porn-star looks like?
- [Lucy calling Trudie on the phone.]
- Lucy: Hey it's me. What happened to you yesterday? You looked kinda strange and then I turned around and you were gone. Are you OK?
- Trudie: Yeah! I'm fine! Well... Not exactly fine. I think I had a little bit of a nervous breakdown.
- Lucy: I didn't know they came in sizes.
- Dad: You know, there was a time when we thought Trudie with all her causes might go to law-school like her sister Katie.
- Trudie: Being a democrat is not a cause, dad.
- Dad: But she got her degree in liberal arts...
- Trudie: FINE arts, dad!
- Dad: I don't even know what that means.
- David: It's an expensive way to say, "Do you want fries with that?". [picks up an ornament] Ahh. Home-made ornaments.
- Mom: Yeah. Trudie made that when she was 5. She was a little withdrawn as a child.
- Trudie: Okay, Mom!
- Mom: You know, her brother and sister are so outgoing and they had so many friends, but Trudie was... I don't know... A little anti-social.
- David: Really?
- Mom: We even paid a little boy down the street to be her friend, but he gave us our money back.
- Trudie: Alright!
- Mom: So from then on it was Trudie and her projects and of course Bobo Blankers.
- David: Bobo Blankers?
- Mom: Her imaginary friend.
- Trudie: [mutters] Thanks, Mom! Thanks a lot!
- David: What? What was that? Are you talking to Bobo Blankers right now?
- Mom: Nick, would you like another piece of pie?
- David: Sure!
- Mom: Trudy, would you get another piece of pie, please?
- Trudie: He knows where the kitchen is.
- Mom: Are you trying to ruin Christmas?
- [Trudie's mother left cookies for Santa and David is about to eat them.]
- Trudie: You can't eat those!
- David: What's it gonna look like if Santa doesn't eat his cookies? [dunks a cookie in milk]
- Trudie: Figures you're a dunker.
- David: Of course! What are you, a twister?
- [Trudie twists a cookie.]
- David: It's so wrong in so many ways.
- Trudie: Alright, let's get this over with. [starts writing her letter to Santa] This is so dumb!
- David: I hope you're not expecting much from Santa. A federal offense probably puts you on the naughty-list this year.
- [Trudie and David are writing letters to Santa.]
- David: I'm gonna ask for a new fully-loaded SUV.
- Trudie: Mmmm. Interesting! I'm gonna ask for an end to global warming.
- [Grandma pours herself a drink.]
- Grandma: Merry Christmas!
- Mom: Mother, isn't it a little early?
- Grandma: Early for who, sugar-britches? I have to spend an entire day trapped with you yahoos. Mama's gonna need a little help.
- [David out-performs Trudy in hockey.]
- David: I'll give it to you. You're pretty scrappy.
- Trudie: I think you've had enough for now.
- Mom: Your tie is crooked.
- Dad: You tied it.
- Mom: It's still crooked.
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