Jump to content

Home on the Range (2004 film)

Add links
From Wikiquote

Home on the Range is a 2004 animated film from Walt Disney Pictures about four dairy cows are Maggie, Mrs. Calloway, Clarabelle Cow and Grace in the American west of Wyoming who must capture an infamous cattle rustler named Alameda Slim for his bounty in order to save their idyllic farm from foreclosure. Aiding them in their quest is Lucky Jack, a feisty, peg-legged jackrabbit, and a selfish chestnut mustang stallion named Buck, eagerly working in the service of Rico, a famous bounty hunter, seeks the glory for himself.

Directed by Will Finn and John Sanford. Written by Will Finn and John Sanford.
Bust a Moo.

Buck

[edit]
  • [from trailer] Let's not put the cows before the horse.

Junior the Buffalo

[edit]
  • Cows only.

Dialogue

[edit]
[first lines; Logos: Walt Disney Pictures; music starts]
Male Singers: Out in the land where the men are tough as cactus
Out in the land where the wild, wild west was won
Out in the land of the desperado
If yer as soft as an avocado
Yee-ha! Yer guacamole, son!
Home, home, this ain't it, pal!
Home, home, home on the range
Home, home, better go git, pal!
You ain't home on the range
Out in the land where the weak are target practice
Home, home, home on the range
Out in the land where they shoot the mild and meek
Home, home, home on the range
Out where the bad are a whole lot badder
If yer the type with a nervous bladder, yip! Yow!
saddle's gonna reek!
Cause you ain't home on the range
Cowboy, yer really up the creek!
Home, home, home on the range
Home, home, home on the range
Home, home, home on the range
Home, home, home on the range
Maggie: [narrates] Home on the range. Once upon a time, I had a home on the range, But not anymore. Well, it's no use crying over spilled milk. Speaking of which, that's me. I'm the cow. [Fly buzzing and approaches to Maggie] Yeah, they're real, quit staring. I'm sort of between homes right now. I lost my old place... thanks to the meanest bunch of cattle rustlers in the west... [scene cuts to night, where Alameda Slim and his gang] Alameda Slim and the Willie Brothers' Gang. [as Alameda Slim yodels and the cows start mooing and they got captured from Maggie's ranch] Somehow, they stole the whole herd... right out from under our noses and then they disappeared without a trace. [Abner sees the cows are missing and taken away by Alameda Slim and the Willie Brothers then he sees Maggie from the trance, then he takes Maggie out from his barn to another place] After that... poor old Abner couldn't afford to keep the place... or me, either, for that matter Well, no matter how bad things get, there's probably somebody worse off. [Maggie sees Lucky Jack that the snake was eaten his head, and runs to the cactus] That guy, for instance.
Mrs. Calloway: We are not following this wagon, and that is final.
Maggie: C'mon, Calloway. It'll be fun. [elbows her]
Mrs. Calloway: Did you just hit me?!
Maggie: [elbows her again] Kinda?
Mrs. Calloway: Well, stop it.
Maggie: [elbows her once again] WHY?
Mrs. Calloway: Because I don't like it. [Maggie teases her, then pushes her, causing her hat to fall into a small mud puddle]
Grace: [pause; Mrs. Calloway gets angry at Maggie] Oh, no! Not the hat!
Maggie: What? What about the... [Mrs. Calloway shoves her to another mud puddle. She puts her at back on and wipes the mud off, but Maggie shoves her back]
Grace: All right, all right, violence is not going to solve anything. Why don't we all take a deep cleansing breath...[Mrs. Calloway and Maggie begin to mud wrestle as Grace slinks away]
Rusty: Hey, now! Mud wrestling! [gets mud splashed on him]
Buck: [laughs as mud gets on Rico's saddle] Hey, hey, watch the saddle. [wipes the mud off the saddle with his tail]
[Inside his office, Sam and Rico watch Maggie and Mrs. Calloway's fight outside]
Sam: What in tarnation? [grabs his rope]
Mrs. Calloway: Maggie, for the last time, I will not be roped into this scheme! [gets lassoed along with Maggie and Grace]
Sam: Come on, you crazy heifers! Come on! Dagnabit! [ties the cows to the back of the chuckwagon belonging to a Chinese rider] Hey, partner, curb your livestock. This town is clean!
Chinese Rider: [speaking Chinese] Wow! Free cows! What a country! Giddy-up!
Maggie: Not exactly what I had in mind, but this'll work.
Mrs. Calloway: Well, it doesn't work for me!
[The cows look at Maggie's old home filled with trophies]
Grace: What's going to happen to the cow who lived there?
Maggie: She'll be okay.
Grace: How do you know?
Maggie: You're looking at her.
Grace: This was your farm?
Maggie: Mm-hmm. We had like a family too, you know.
Grace: What happened?
Maggie: Alameda Slim happened...
[The cowboys are attacked by the Willie Brothers]
Mrs. Calloway: What was that?
Grace: That must be Slim and the Willies.
Barry, Bob and the Herd of Bulls: [freaking out] Slim and the Willies!
Barry: [to Mrs. Calloway, mistaking her for Grace] Don't worry, darling. I'll protect you.
Mrs. Calloway: You have exactly two seconds to remove your hoof... before I snap it off at the knee.
Barry: Sorry, madam. I thought you were the blonde...
[She whacks him, sending him to the ground]
[Alameda Slim arrives]
Maggie: It's payback time. Cover me!
Grace: With what?
The Willie Brothers: Howdy, Slim.
Alameda Slim: Quiet, you fools. We've got work to do. [sings "Yodel-Adle-Eedle-Idle-Odel" alongside the Willie Brothers] Here we go, boys! 5,000 cattle in the side pocket! [yodels "William Tell Overture", "Yankee Doodle" and "Beethoven's Ode to Joy" and continues to sings]
Grace: Maggie, Mrs. Calloway, snap out of it! [Alameda Slim cackles as the girls scream]
Rico: Oh! [grunts and girls screams]
Man: Rico, if you'd just been a second earlier...
Alameda Slim: [laughing] 5,000 Texas Longhorns. Not bad for one night's work.
Phil: Pick a color. [He and Bill are playing with a cootie catcher]
Alameda Slim: I said, not bad for one night's work. [Phil and Bill pay attention to Alameda Slim and clap] Thank you. And judging by the ear mark, I'd say these are the last of Big Mike Donald's herd.
Gil: Big Mike Donald had a farm?
Phil and Bill: E-I-E-I... [Alameda Slim bashes them on the heads with his fists] Ohh...
Alameda Slim: That's right. He had a farm. [He goes to his dressing screen stock and puts on his Yancy O'Del disguise] Now that all his cash cows have disappeared, that poor sap's gonna be flat broke. Perfect time for a certain upstanding land owner to step in and take all the land.
Phil: [screams] Ahhh! Who are you?!
Bill: What did you do with Uncle Slim?!
Phil: Put up your dukes, Mr. Fancy Britches! [Alameda Slim grabs his fingers] Aah-aah-aah-aah-aah-aah!
Alameda Slim: It's me! Hello! [Alameda Slim takes off the glasses and the blue top hat and holding a cane] This here is the disguise I use to sneak into all them auctions and buy all the land, you brainless monotone monkeys.
Gil: Shoot, you got to be the richest land baron in the the west. [Phil and Bill clap]
Alameda Slim: Yes, but the part that really warms my heart is watching those homesteaders suffer. [He grabs a branding iron and brands Mike Donald's Farm and the Dixon Farm on the map] Back in the day, I worked the highfalutinest ranches you ever seen, but those stuck-up ranch bosses couldn't appreciate my talents.
Phil: Maybe they just didn't like your singing.
Alameda Slim: My singing?! [Bill covers his brother's mouth] Songbirds sing. saloon gals sing. little bitty snot-nosed children sing. I yodel, and yodeling IS AN ART!
Bill: Well, maybe they just didn't like your yodeling.
[Phil covers his brother's mouth and Alameda Slim tries to hit them with his branding iron, but misses them when they duck]
Gil: He didn't mean it, Uncle Slim. Everybody likes yodeling.
Alameda Slim: Hmm?
Gil: Why, it's one of the funniest, cornball, goofy, silly sounds in the whole west.
[Alameda Slim tries to hit Gil with his branding iron, but misses as Gil ducks, then Alameda Slim sees Patch of Heaven on the map as it's unauctioned as he twitches]
Alameda Slim: Uh, Gil?
Gil: Uh-huh?
Alameda Slim: Am I correct in assuming that each and every time we brought a herd back to this secret lair you've managed to sit in the exact same spot, BLOCKING THAT CHOICE-PIECE OF PROPERTY FROM MY VIEW?!
Gil: This is my comfy place. [beat] What? [Alameda Slim grabs him by the neck; Gil makes unintelligible noises]
Phil: It's called Patch of Heaven, Uncle Slim. Goes on auction Thursday morning.
Alameda Slim: [his fury quickly replaced by eagerness] Perfect. [He hits Gil on the head with his branding iron and letting us him go] Pencil it in. Thursday mornin'. Right after we sell off this herd.
Bill: But it's just a little old dirt farm.
Alameda Slim: Ah, what's the difference? When you're talking my revenge, every last acre... counts. [He brands Patch of Heaven on the map with his branding iron]
[Mrs. Calloway saves Maggie from drowning during the flash flood and drags her to a nearby rock on the shore]
Maggie: No. Come on, girls. We can't give up.
Mrs. Calloway: Maggie, that's enough. The minute this lets up, we're heading straight home to Patch of Heaven.
Maggie: But what about catching Slim and collecting the reward?
Mrs. Calloway: We never had a prayer of catching Slim in the first place. This whole ridiculous plan is just so that you can get revenge on those cattle rustlers!
Maggie: Hey! For your information, duchess, this whole ridiculous plan is about us saving our farm!
Mrs. Calloway: Huh. Our farm might've had a fighting chance until you came along.
Maggie: What's that supposed to mean?!
Mrs. Calloway: Strutting around with your vulgar show-cow behavior.
Maggie: Look, I was just having...
Mrs. Calloway: Wasting our time on your foolish plans. Through the years, Patch of Heaven has survived every hardship that nature can dish out, but you, Maggie, are the biggest catastrophe to ever hit our farm.
Maggie: [furious] Well. If that's the way you feel about it, maybe we should just go our separate ways.
Mrs. Calloway: Now, that's the first good idea you've ever had.
Maggie: Fine.
Mrs. Calloway: Fine!
Maggie: FINE!
Mrs. Calloway: Fine. [Sits down as Grace looks sadly at the 2 of them and Maggie hangs her head]
Maggie: Yeah. Fine. It's not like your farm was ever going to feel like home to me anyways.
Both: ["Hillbilly Holla" playing by North Mississippi and Allstars; to Uncle Slim] Uncle Silm, Uncle Slim!
Grace: Let's get out of here!
Junior: [Buck screams] Come back here, you dog meat!
Alamenda Slim: [grunts, Mrs Calloway pulls the train whistle] WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH!!
Sam: [worried] It's Alameda Slim!
Alameda Slim: [latest words before his muffled by the cow bell] You think you've won?! It ain't over till the fat man sings! [yodels "Magic Carpet Ride" as Maggie attempts to silence him with her bell, but gets hypnotized as Grace jumps up into the air and kicks the cow bell into his mouth, silencing him and Maggie and Mrs. Calloway are free from his hypnotic yodeling]
Sam: Alameda Slim, you're under arrest. [lashes the ropes to Alameda Slim who was muffled by the cow bell]
Grace: Nobody messes with Pearl's, girls.
Buck: Say, girls, got milk?
Girls: Buck.
Buck: Just kidding. [Alameda Slim has been put into a paggy wagon with his mouth gagged and body wraps in a ropes]
Sam: [to his deputies] Take him away, boys. I hope you like stripes. [to Pearl showing Alameda Slim's bounty reward money] Pearl, your cows can't do much with Alameda Slim's reward money. Think you can find some use for it?
Pearl Gesner: Woowie! My farm is saved! [hugs Mrs. Calloway and Grace and the other auctioneers cheer them]

Cast

[edit]

Additional Voices

[edit]

Teaser Trailer

[edit]
[As an instrumental portion of "Yodel-Adle-Eedle-Idle-Oo" starts to play, we see the black Walt Disney Pictures logo on a yellowish white paper background. A fireball flies over the castle forming the arch, and the screen fades to reveal silent footage as a horse neigh plays in the background]
Buck: [narrates] Are you ready for a side-splittin', finger-snappin' hoedown?
Patrick: Yeah, pretty much. Why?
Buck: [narrates] It's got good guys...
Buck: [to a bandit] Your move.
Buck: [narrates] ...bad guys...
[Rico throws a tied-up bandit to the Sheriff's office]
Buck: [narrates] ...wide open spaces, and the greatest hero the West has ever known:
[Music suddenly stops as the footage of Maggie, Mrs. Calloway and Grace slides down into place]
Buck: [narrates] The dairy cow.
[Screen flips to Mrs. Calloway speaking to Maggie and Grace]
Mrs. Calloway: Well, there it is, then. Three dairy cows who've never been off their farm out to scour the entire West for a wanted outlaw, bring him in and collect the $750 dollar reward all in less than three days.
Ollie: What?
Buck: [narrates] But let's not put the cart before the horse.
[Horse neigh]
Piggies: [raise their hooves in the air] Awesome!
Buck: [narrates] Though I am fabulous, it all starts with three bodacious bovines who have a little Patch of Heaven all their own.
K.D. Lang: [singing] I know a place, pretty as pie. Out where the riverbend hits up with the end of the heavens!
Maggie: Here, have an apple. [bounces the apple from her tail and passes it to her front hoof and shoves it into the first piggy's mouth] Don't go near any luaus, though.
Sam: I'm telling ya, [hands Pearl the eviction notice] they're gonna auction off Patch of Heaven.
Jeb: I think we all know what happens now.
Audrey: What?
Jeb: Now we all get eaten.
Audrey: But who would eat a chicken?
[We cut to four chicks frowning at Mrs. Calloway. The second chick blinks his eyes and tilts his head two times]
Maggie: C'mon, guys. Time for a little bovine intervention.
Buck: [narrates] And get this; to save their farm, the cows turn into bounty hunters!
Grace: [to a longhorn] We're looking for a cattle rustler named Alameda Slim.
Alameda Slim: Hyah! [wraps his arms around the longhorns] I think these cows got it in for me.
Maggie: C'mon, girls! We've got a farm to save.
[The song "Home on the Range" starts playing as we see shots of Mrs. Calloway, Maggie and Grace]
Lucky Jack: Ha! Bovine bounty hunters. Now I've seen everything.
Chorus: Out in the land where the weak are target practice. Home, home, home on the range!
[Buck lets out karate yells while whipping his tail at a Willie Brother's face and we cut to Alameda getting frightened by the train coming towards them. We cut to Jack hitting a metal pie plate into Alameda's face, making him lose consciousness]
Chorus: Out in the land where they shoot the mild and meek. Home, home, home on the range!
Buck: He must be taking stupid lessons from that buffalo. [camera pans right, revealing Junior behind Buck. He snorts behind him and he becomes shocked] Uh-oh.
[Mrs. Calloway and Grace ram their horns into Alameda Slim's butt and we cut to Grace kicking one Rico]
Chorus: If you're the type with a hesitant bladder, yip! Yow! Your saddle's gonna reek!
Buck: You cows are fierce!
Chorus: 'Cause you ain't home....on...the range! Cowboy, you're really up a creek!
Maggie: Last one to the barn sleeps standing up!?
[The title logo appears on the final note and the screen fades to black]
[edit]
Wikipedia
Wikipedia
Authority control: WorldCat search
Retrieved from "https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Home_on_the_Range_(2004_film)&oldid=3923718"