Horrible Bosses 2 (film)

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Horrible Bosses 2 is a 2014 American comedy film about three friends that decided to start their own company, but things don't go as they planned so they decide to do a kidnapping instead.

Directed by Sean Anders. Written by Sean Anders.
New crime; same tools.

Bert Hanson[edit]

  • I respect you gentlemen for wanting to roll up your sleeves and build something, stake your claim. Now I came to this country with nothing. And through risk and hard work, I made my own American dream come true.
  • You honestly think hard work creates wealth? The only thing that creates wealth is wealth. And we have it, you don't.
  • (last words) Big mouth, nothing behind it!

Rex Hanson[edit]

  • Truth be told, Pop and I...we've hit a rough patch lately. He's refusing to cover some of my expenses, blah blah blah. Long story. Anyway, your timing could not have been better.

Detective Hatcher[edit]

  • (only in the extended version, about Bert) You're very forgiving. Because almost everyone I've talked to thinks he's an asshole.
  • Who said anything about kidnapping?
  • (after recognizing the trio in the car chase) Goddamn it! It's those idiots. (only in the extended version) I knew I never said anything about kidnapping.
  • (while being held hostage by Rex) You shoot this prick! You shoot this prick right now!


(after waking up out of Rex's closet, only to find him gone)
Kurt: Will you look at this fucking view during the daytime? You kidding me? Unbelievable!
Nick: He seems gone. Bed's made.
Kurt: I can't believe this.
Dale: We should maybe just check (yelling) HEY! REX!
Nick: Hey.
Dale: REX! REX!
Nick: Dale!
Dale: Huh?
Nick: Did you have a plan if he responded?
Dale: I didn't think that far ahead.
Nick: Of course you didn't.
Kurt: I would have been just quieter.
Nick: You're even dumber in the mornings.
(the following is seen in the extended version only)
Kurt: What are you worried about?
Nick: Let's go.
Dale: Fifty-fifty chance, you know. Fifty-fifty chance he was here.

(Nick is calling Bert, however a cell phone rings in Kurt's pocket, he gets it out)
Dale: Hey, what's that? Who's calling you?
Kurt: I don't know. It's blocked.
Nick: (realizes Kurt has the dark phone) Oh, no.
Kurt: (answers phone) Hello.
Nick: (right behind Kurt) Hi.
Kurt: Who is this?
Nick: It's me, dickless! (angrily slams phone to the ground)
Kurt: Hey, what are you doing? You're supposed to call the dark phone.
Nick: I did! You've got it in your hand. You were supposed to tape that under the bench.
(after finding out that Kurt left Bert his own phone instead of the untraceable one on the bench)
Kurt: Oh...
Dale: Oh, shit! So, what phone does he have?!
Nick: Bert has Kurt's phone, with our contact information on it.
Dale: (starts to hit Kurt) And all the pictures of us from when we used to be friends? Are you kidding me?!
Kurt: Easy, easy, easy. Knock it off! Okay, look, this is no big deal, all right? We'll just punt. We'll do it tomorrow. All right? I mean, as long as we don't call the phone, he'll never find it.
Nick: He found it.
Kurt: What? How? We are screwed. Shit!
Dale: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! I got an idea.
(extended version)
Dale: Okay, I'm gonna call that phone. If he's talking on it, he's not gonna look through it.
Kurt: Yes! Call my phone.
Dale: All right. All right. What's your number? What's your number?
Kurt: You don't know my phone number?
Dale: I don't know my phone number.
Kurt: Well, I don't know it. I never call myself.
Nick: I know both of your numbers. Area code 323...
Kurt: That's all I need. That's all I need.
Dale: Okay yes.
Kurt: I got there. I got there. Here we go. Here we go. Okay. Ahem.

Nick: Guys, I'm not gonna kidnap someone based on 9 to 5.
Dean 'MF' Jones: That's because you're Jane Fonda.
Kurt: Ooh, snap.
Dale: That's right, you're the scaredy-cat one. You're always the last to man up about everything. You're dragging your feet.
(the following is seen in the extended version only)
Dale: Wh-why are you here if you're not gonna participate?
Nick: First of all, if anyone, I'm the smart one. I'm Lily Tomlin. But I'm not having this conversation
Kurt: Holly, please, I'm Lily fucking Tomlin, if anybody is. Sitting in the big chair, giving David O. Russell shit.
Dale: Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's got the 'tude. He's got the 'tude. You're Fonda, man.
Kurt: You're Jane Fonda. That makes you Jane Fonda.
Nick: (to Dale) That makes you Dolly Parton.
Kurt: Ooh.
Dale: Great. Woman's got her own theme park. She's a national treasure.
Kurt: She has two national treasures.
(end of extended version)
Dean 'MF' Jones: Can I pose a question to you colonizers?
Nick: Happened a long time ago.
Dean 'MF' Jones: How do you kidnap somebody without them knowing they've been kidnapped?

Nick: Are you guys shitting me in there?
Dale: Well, I mean, his dad sold him out for, like...honestly, it was probably nothing to him.
Kurt: Pennies to him.
Dale: The guy's so rich.
Kurt: That would rock me to my core. I mean, have a little empathy, Nick. Please?
Dale: Yeah.
(the following is seen in the extended version only)
Dale: You know what's going on? You're holding a grudge right now.
Nick: Am I?
Dale: Yes, you do that. You get all tight, and you're going to get cancer.
Kurt: You got to let the past be the past.
Nick: I don't want that.
Dale: Let the past be the past.
Nick: Yeah. The past? Well, we're not in the fucking past. We're in the goddamn present. And you guys are...
(end of extended version)
Nick: What are you talking about? You're acting like you have Stockholm Syndrome.
Dale: What is that?
Kurt: Like, jet lag?
Nick: No.
Dale: Dude, do I look tired to you?
Nick: You don't, no.
Kurt: You don't look tired to me.
Dale: I'm fine.
Nick: Stockholm Syndrome's when you bond with your captors, idiots.
Kurt: Oh, okay. Well then, hold on a second. He's the hostage. So, technically, this would be reverse Stockholm Syndrome.
Nick: Yes, true.
Dale: Yeah, and we don't have that. Okay? He's just a really, really, really, really, really likable guy. I like him a lot.
Kurt: He's really likable.
Dale: He's cool. The guy's a winner.
Kurt: That's so true.
Dale: It's so nice to be around a winner for a change.
Kurt: Oh, it feels right Nick! Come on, man.
Nick: Here's what we're gonna do, we're gonna go in there. We're gonna tell him cops were never a part of this plan, and the shit ends now. Let's do it.
(theatrical version)
Nick: Come on!
(extended version)
Kurt: Okay. But you got to hear us out about festering.
Dale: I mean, it's like you can't have a conversation with the guy.

(while waiting for the train to pass by)
Dale: Hey can I hop out and piss really quick?
Nick: No you cannot. We're in a car chase.
Dale: Super long train. I feel like I could get it done.
Kurt: It is a lot of freight.
(later while they are still waiting for the train to pass by)
Dale: I feel like I could've pissed by now.
Nick: Let him go. Open the door. Get him out.
Dean 'MF' Jones: Caboose coming.
Dale: Ah, shit!
(car chase resumes)

(after Dale gets Dora the Explorer walkie-talkies)
Nick: I call lookout, and I will let you know when I see Swiper.

(in the extended version, while Dale and Kurt are hiding in the men's bathroom during Julia's sex addiction group in session)
Dale: Oh, fuck, I have to piss.
Kurt: What?
Dale: I have to piss. I'm nervous. I have to piss. I'm sorry.
Kurt: Shh! Go, go, pee, just pee.
Dale: It's gonna make too much noise.
Kurt: No, no, no. Put your--put your--just dip your dick into--into the toilet.
Dale: Oh, sit down and do it? Okay.
Kurt: Yeah, yeah.
Dale: (unzips his zipper but notices...) It doesn't reach.
Kurt: What?
Dale: It doesn't reach. Should it reach?
Kurt: I mean...I don't know if it's about "should", but...
Dale: I'll put the seat up.
Kurt: Put the--yeah, put the seat up and just dip your butt in the bowl.
Dale: (while urinating) Oh, my god. (flushes toilet) Oh, there we go.
Kurt: Shh! Shh!
Dale: Oh, shit! Sorry.
Kurt: Shh! It's okay.
Dale: Sorry, I always flush.
Kurt: It's all right.
Dale: Okay. I'm just gonna wash my hands really quick.
Kurt: No! What are you gonna wash your hands for?
Dale: Huh?
Kurt: Why are you gonna wash your hands?
Dale: I always wash my hands.
Kurt: You have gloves on.
Dale: I know, but probably, you know some stuff gets under there.
Kurt: Fine, fine, just be quiet.
Dale: Let me just wash them really quick. I'll feel better about them.
Kurt: Okay, okay.
(Dale starts washing his hands)
Kurt: Shh! Shh!
(Dale starts getting paper towels from the dispenser, causing loud rustling)
Kurt: Oh, my God, Dale, stop it.
Dale: Huh?
Kurt: There is--there is literally no element of sneak in anything you're doing.
Dale: It's just gross not to.
Kurt: Oh, I gotta go now too.
Dale: You gotta go?
Kurt: Yeah.
(Kurt starts urinating, then whistles as he does so)
Dale: Do you golf with the other hand? Shh! Don't whistle!
Kurt: I have to. The only way to get this train going. (continues whistling)
Dale: Shh! Shh! Shh!
(Kurt flushes the toilet)
Dale: Why did you flush?!
Kurt: It just happens!
Dale: Why did you flush?!
Kurt: It's a good habit!
Dale: Shit! Shh! Shh!
(Kurt repeats everything Dale did, then opens the trash bin next to him)


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