Hotel Hell

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Hotel Hell is a Reality TV Series on FOX. Chef Gordon Ramsay visits failing hotels, inns and Bed and Breakfasts across the country. It aired its first episode on August 13, 2012.

Season One[edit]

Juniper Hill Inn, Part One [1.01][edit]

Gordon: Are you always this pathetic?
Robert: I am not pathetic.
Gordon: Well when are you going to stand up and start showing respect for the team and start growing a pair to understand the mess you're in?
Robert: I am aware of the mess we're in. I'm fighting for the team.
Gordon: You dug the (bleep) hole and put them in it! So they're (bleep)!
Robert: They don't have to work here.
Gordon: Oh, my god!
Robert: You know, the bottom line is...
Gordon: How dare you?!
Robert: They don't have to work here!
Gordon: How DARE you?! How (bleep) DARE you?! "They don't have to work here!" Oh, my god!
Robert: I, I...
Gordon: You disrespectful disgusting man! "They don't have to work here!" I don't think you realize how (bleep) lucky you are. Because, if it wasn't for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 of them, you'd be driving that RV miles away from here!
Ryan: (interview) Robert definitely needs a reality check. It's life or death right now and I don't think he actually realizes what kind of jeopardy this place is in.
Gordon: It's not all about you Robert. Robert's world, Robert's bubble, Robert's dream. You're not the lord of the manor and you're not the great Gatsby. You're Robert. There's only me in here.
Robert: Excuse me. Excuse me.
Gordon: Go on then you pompous (bleep)!
Robert: EXCUSE ME! Don't talk to me like that!
Gordon: What's wrong with it? I want to know what's wrong with it?
Robert: Don't speak to me like that!
Gordon: I'm telling you! Get your head out of your (bleep) and start getting a little (bleep) real! You STILL haven't got it! This place is sinking. Start paying a little more attention to the guys on the ground, understand how hard it is out there, forget your (bleep) antique road show and START from the bottom running this business! You're right, there's no structure! It's fragmented! The team needs a leader! They need a structure, they need a mentor, they need support and all they get is nitpicked. What kind of motivation is that? All I've heard since I've been here is you're just blaming people. I'm blaming you for not taking charge. GET (bleep) REAL! (Bleep)! (walks out)
["To Be Continued..." appears on the screen]

Juniper Hill Inn, Part Two [1.02][edit]

[Gordon has found out that Robert has been giving away free complimentary rooms and food for his friends and that they aren't tipping his staff]
Robert: The reason that I did that was that because, I thought they'd tip my staff.
Gordon: But they didn't tip your staff. Sorry to (bleep) on your bonfire.
Robert: Well then, I will call my friends and tell them "Look, what happened?"
Gordon: You haven't got the (bleep) balls to call your friends and ask them to leave a tip.
Robert: Yes I do.
Gordon: Call them then!
[Robert calls Dana on his phone]
Gordon: And ask them that I thought out of generosity you would at least leave a couple hundred dollars tip for the team.
Dana: Hello?
Robert: Dana.
Dana: Yes?
Robert: It's Robert. You stayed here recently and I was under the impression that you and Greg left a tip. Did you leave a tip?
Dana: Well, I left the money with you.
Robert: No, no, no. But you said you were going to send additional tip.
Gordon: I think my time's done here.
Robert: That was one of the things that I was hoping you had done.
Dana: If I didn't do what I was supposed to do, I'm very sorry.
Gordon: [walks out of the RV in disgust] "I left the money with you."
Robert: Wait a minute, there's others to call too. Gordon!
Gordon: Oh, (bleep)!
Robert: Gordon has left. He thinks I'm stealing my staff's tips.
Gordon: Unbelieveable. (Bleep).
Robert: [Calling Ari on the phone] Hey Ari, it's Robert. Did you tip the staff because they're telling people that they haven't been tipped.
Gordon: [Walking to his car] "I left the money with you."
Robert: Oh, so I need to do that. I somehow lost that.
Gordon: (Bleep) idiot.
Robert: (interview) Gordon left thinking that I am a liar. I feel as if I'm at the end of my rope and I'm going to lose everything. I'll have to start all over again if this doesn't work. It just doesn't seem I can do it anymore. I know I can't do it.

Gordon: I can't believe those storage units are still there. If I was Robert, I'd lock Ari in one of them.

Cambridge Hotel [1.03][edit]

Keating Hotel [1.04][edit]

River Rock Inn [1.05][edit]

Roosevelt Hotel [1.06][edit]

[Gordon walks into the kitchen after John served him a raw soft boiled egg.]
John: Fire away buddy.
Gordon: Are you having a laugh at your family's expense?
John: No.
Gordon: Big tall hat, big jacket and you can't boil a (bleep) egg.
John: You want a fried egg? You want French toast too? How about some pancakes?
Gordon: What the (bleep) are you doing? You don't care, do you?
John: I do care.
Gordon: You're a (bleep) joke.
John: (interview) Those are what we refer to as fighting words. Gutsy thing to do. Especially in a kitchen full of sharp knives.
John: It has never been a joke for me. Ever.
Gordon: "Come play at my school. I'm the head master!" You're acting like an absolute idiot.

Season Two[edit]

Meson De Mesilla [2.01][edit]

Monticello Hotel [2.02][edit]

Applegate River Lodge [2.03][edit]

Gordon:, are you making money here?
Dusty: Yes sir.
Gordon: How much money do you make a month?
Dusty: Last month, I made about $12,000.
Gordon: Wow. So you make $150 grand a year.
Dusty: With everything working right, yeah.
Gordon: And you don't pay a dollar profit to your mother.
Dusty: Profit? Excuse me?
Gordon: The business is a million dollars in debt, you make a (bleep)load of money, and your mom gets nothing.
Joanna: (interview) I was shocked that Dusty makes that much and that bothers me because he should help me out financially.
Gordon: Knowing full well that you stand to inherit this business, there's still not a penny going in to reducing debt and this is your mother!
Dusty: Correct. (interview) I really devoted my life to this place and to be treated like I don't care about my family and I don't care about this business, it really cut to the core and I have no problem telling him to get the (bleep) out of here.
Gordon: I'd give you a kick up the arse if that was my son.

Gordon: I'm embarrassed. I'm amazed you're still open. There's no (bleep) standards in here.
Dusty: I don't believe that there are no standards.
Gordon: You've got a river running outside your patio with salmon in it and you're serving frozen salmon! Where's the standard then?
Dusty: What we do is not (bleep).
Gordon: You may be able to manipulate your mother. But you're not going to pull the wool over my eyes. Because you're playing at running a restaurant that's been given to you and you don't actually work for this. You grew up here so, "Hey mom, I want to be a restaurateur this week!" Without your mother in this lodge, you're (bleep)!

Hotel Chester [2.04][edit]

Calumet Inn [2.05][edit]

Gordon: (Voiceover) At the heart of Pipestone, Minnesota stands the historic Calumet Inn built in 1887. Calumet is the native American word for peace pipe. But sadly, peace is something short of supply at the Calumet Inn. The hotel is owned by sisters, Rina and Vanda Smrkovski. Nine months ago, their father, Jim, or "Daddy" as they call him, purchased the hotel for the sisters.
Jim: (interview) I'm not sure Rina and Vanda know how privileged they are.
Rina: (interview) Just because we dress nice doesn't mean we're spoiled.
Jim: (interview) They are definitely a little bit spoiled.
Gordon: (Voiceover) Rina's not just a little bit spoiled, she's also a bit of a crybaby.
Rina: (crying) There's just too much trash talking going around here and I can't work with people like that! I'm so sick and tired of being judged!
Jim: You're going to have to come down to earth.
Rina: (interview) God, I cry a lot. I don't know, what was I crying about? I don't even know.
Gordon: (Voiceover) After owning the hotel for just six weeks, Rina found working a bit much, so she took the weekend off in Minneapolis, 200 miles away...and she didn't return for three months. While she was away, the hotel was left at the mercy of her younger sister, Vanda. Vanda considers herself very hardworking, although she doesn't get out of bed until 3:00 every afternoon leaving the hotel understaffed.
Vanda: (interview) A lot of times, I feel like people come to work just to make tips and for their paycheck, and they're not necessarily here to take care of this historic artifact.

Gordon: I feel like a Goonie. "HEY, YOU GUYS!!"

Gordon: Mandy, what kind of effect does it have on the team where you can't get a word from your owners?
Mandy: It's really annoying. It's past aggressive behavior. It makes people just, you know, they don't want to talk to you. "Fine, you don't want to talk to us, we don't want to talk to you."
Rina: There's attitude. I do, but when they do, there's attitude.
Mandy: Okay, first of all, that (bleep) starts with you two then!
Vanda: See, there's emotion.
Rina: I want people who are committed!
Mandy: Committed?! (Bleep) YOU!! I've been here for three and a half years! I've done everything from bartending the (bleep) pub, to housekeeping, to front desk, to serving!
Rina: We want to know if you'll be here, that's the thing.
Mandy: (Bleep) OFF!! I'm (bleep) done! I'm (bleep) done! (Bleep) off! Committed? You stupid bitch, you just got here! (walks out of the inn) (interview) I work 65 (bleep) hours a week, sometimes 70 and I have two (bleep) kids, I'm a single (bleep) mom!
Gordon: It feels like I'm in a women's (bleep) prison!
Mandy: (interview) I'm leaving. I'm done. (drives off in her truck)

[Mandy has walked out of the inn frustrated over the owners' inability to run the place]
Gordon: Our general manager has just walked out.
Rina: You know, the funny thing is--
Gordon: No, no. This isn't funny. That girl dedicated her life into keeping you in a hotel. Have you ever employed one member of staff?
Jennifer: Like, she even worked a day in her life.
Vanda: How can you say that, Jennifer?
Jennifer: If you were here for two seconds! I've been running my ass off the whole (bleep) day!!
Rina: You guys don't see me do those things. I do them but you don't see it! You don't know the life I live. You have no clue. [more arguing by the staff]
Gordon: (Bleep) sake! One of you step up! If you were my daughters, I'd kick you out! (Vanda smirks) You can laugh all you (bleep) want. I'm not your father but what I do know is, you don't (bleep) deserve this! Thank you for the first meeting in nine months.
Rina: (interview) I thought Gordon was going to be nice to me!
Gordon: (walking back to his room) That was extraordinary. The only person who actually cared about this place, Mandy the general manager has gone. Those daughters are absolutely screwed.

Four Seasons Inn [2.06][edit]

Curtis House [2.07][edit]

Murphys Hotel [2.08][edit]

Gordon: So FINE dining, Frozen Inedible Nasty Excrement.

Gordon: So the walk in fridge, how often is that cleaned out?
Joel: Twice a week.
Gordon: Marked? Everything out? Come with me, all of you. Especially the owners.
Joel: Sounds good.
Gordon: Sounds good? Really? (Bleep)! (finds moldy tortillas in the fridge)
Joel: Oh wow man.
Gordon: Oh wow?! OH WOW?!
Brian: (Bleep)! (interview) (Bleep) moldy tortillas? There should not be (bleep) any (bleep) moldy food. (Bleep) horrible!
Gordon: (Finds a rotten potato) When was this made?
Joel: Last Saturday. Three days ago.
Gordon: Just smell it.
Joel: We need to toss it, I know that.
Gordon: (finds lasagna) And this, terrible! You should be (bleep) ashamed.
Joel: Okay.
Gordon: Okay?! No, it's not okay! (finds a bucket of sauce) What is that?
Joel: Tha...Black mold.
Gordon: What's it supposed to be?
Joel: Thai chili marinade.
Gordon: Thai chili marinade.
Joel: I don't know if it's been used in a while.
Kevin: (interview) The sauces were from a chef who had been there in 2006 or 7 or something.
Gordon: This is exactly the same way as you run this (bleep) hotel. You don't give a (bleep).
Brian: I give a (bleep). I give a (bleep)
Gordon: If this is your dream of running a hotel, then how about manning up and look like (bleep) owners?!
Brian: We are. This is (bleep) unacceptable and it's not going to happen anymore!
Gordon: Have you checked out because you should do the only thing?
Joel: No, I haven't.
Gordon: Say to these two, "(Bleep) off, get out!"?
Joel: He has not checked out!
Gordon: Can you let him talk?!
Joel: I haven't checked out and obviously, I need to pay more attention and do better at my job.
Gordon: How any of you can run a (bleep) business. Do you ever see three (bleep) CEO'S? Three (bleep) general managers? Three (bleep) executive chefs? Huh? IT'S LIKE DUMBER, DUMBER AND DUMBEST!! ARE YOU GUYS REALLY THE (Bleep) OWNERS?!
Brian: True story.
Gordon: (Bleep) OFF!

Season Three[edit]

Angler's Lodge [3.01][edit]

Vienna Inn [3.02][edit]

Town's Inn (Part 1) [3.03][edit]

Town's Inn (Part 2) [3.04][edit]

Lakeview Hotel [3.05][edit]

Brick Hotel [3.06][edit]

Beachfront Inn & Inlet [3.07][edit]

Landoll's Mohican Castle [3.08][edit]

External links[edit]

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