I'm in the Band
Weasels in the House
- Tripp Campbell: *Is wear a blue tooth head set* Yes! Oh, Izzy! I got through. I'm on hold with the radio station to win dinner at my house with Iron Weasel.
- Izzy Fuentes: No way! Greatest rock band ever! If you win can I please come to dinner, Tripp?
- Tripp Campbell: If you promise not to act like a crazed fan and embarrass me.
- Izzy Fuentes: *Shakes hands* Deal.
- Tripp Campbell: Oh, I'm on!
- Izzy Fuentes: *Jumps up and down around Tripp* OH MY GOSH! I LOVE YOU IRON WEASEL! YOU'RE THE BEST! I LOVE YOU IRON WEASEL! *Holds Tripp ear-piece to her mouth* I LOVE YOU IRON WEASEL!
- Tripp Campbell: I'm still on hold. That was a test. You're not coming to dinner. And ow! Quiet. I'm back from commercial.
- DJ Fat Man: It's a DJ Fat Man show on DJ Fat Man and we're back with Iron Weasel... Ow. You think of the greatest rock bands of all time? You think of Aerosmith, Guns N' Roses, Metallica. And Iron Weasel!
- All: YEAH!!
- DJ Fat Man: Lead singer: DEREK JUPITER!!!!!!!!!
- Derek Jupiter: Was it really to have me on the show?
- DJ Fat Man: Bassist, Burger Pitt!
- Burger Pitt: Thank you, Fat Man! Being here is just like a GRR! Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta! You know?
- DJ Fat Man: And drummer; Ash!
- Ash Tyler: WHAT'S UP, NEW YORK?!
- DJ Fat Man: We're in Los Angeles.
- Ash Tyler: I KNOW! THAT'S WHAT I'M YELLING!
- Tripp Campbell: Look, I've got a plan. Iron Weasel has been looking for a new lead guitarist. So if I win to dinner, I can jam with them, and they'll make me their new lead guitarist. It's my dream, Izz.
- Izzy Fuentes: My dream's to laugh at other people's crazy dreams. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Thanks for making my dream come true.
- Jared: Hey, Tripp. Teacher appreciation assembly is tomorrow. And it's head of the appreciation committee, I get nothing or nervous.
- Tripp Campbell: If someone's gonna stuck you in the trash can from making them go to lame assembly.
- Jared: I was afraid the assembly wouldn't go well, but now I have two things to worry about. Thank you!
- Tripp Campbell: Hello? Am I on?
- DJ Fat Man: Yes, color. We're gonna test your knowledge of Iron Weasel. If you answer these questions right, you win dinner with the band. Ready?
- Tripp Campbell: READY, BATMAN!
- DJ Fat Man: Derek Jupiter, question number one.
- Derek Jupiter: Yes. What was the name of our band before we were Iron Weasel?
- Tripp Campbell: Uh, Derek Jupiter and the other guys!
- Derek Jupiter: Correct!
- Tripp Campbell: Yes!
- Derek Jupiter: The other guys selfishly made me change it.
- Burger Pitt: Question number two: What was the name of our band before that?
- Tripp Campbell: My dog's butt.
- Burger Pitt: Correct! Yeah. Yeah, we had to change it because nobody wanted to hear what My Dog's Butt was releasing.
- DJ Fat Man: (chuckling)
- Ash Tyler: Question number three: Is it possible to blow someone's pants off with leaf blowers?
- Tripp Campbell: Uh, yes.
(whirring leaf blower)
- Ash Tyler: Correct! You win!
- Tripp Campbell: Yes.
- Ash Tyler: Sorry, Fat Man.
- Principal Strickland: Gather weagle on you, slackers! The bell just rang. Move it or lose it! Mr. Campbell, get to class.
- Tripp Campbell: Just one sec, Principal Strickland.
- DJ Fat Man: So, who's our lucky winner?
- Principal Strickland: Who do you think you are?
- Tripp Campbell: Tripp Campbell!
- DJ Fat Man: Tripp Campbell, do you want to have dinner with Iron Weasel?
- Principal Strickland: Do you want a week of detention?
- Tripp Campbell: YOU BET I DO, BATMAN!
- Tripp Campbell: Mom, please, it's just dinner.
- Beth Campbell: You know, I'm cool. I'm hip. I'm jiggy with a variety of things. I still don't think it's a good idea to have 3 crazy rockers in my house.
- Tripp Campbell: It'll be fine. They're adults.
(bell rings, door opens)
- Burger Pitt: Hey! Good evening.
- Ash Tyler: Thanks so much for having us to dinner.
- Derek Jupiter: What a lovely home.
- Tripp Campbell: See? Adults.
- Derek, Burger, Ash: SPEED CHAIRS!
- Burger: OH-HOH! I'M GOOD! I'm good.
(next scene, all laugh)
- Derek Jupiter: Got 'em knocked over. Cause I have a parrot 3 to the axel roads is a pair of sixes he gets slashed I get Burger and the rest is history!
- Burger Pitt: All was a delicious, meal Beth, just pack up the leftovers and we'll be on our way.
- Beth Campbell: There are no leftovers. You ate everything except for the Wax Fruit.
- Derek Jupiter: All right, we're out.
- Tripp Campbell: Wait, guys, don't go yet. Why don't we go to my garage and then jam for one of your songs? Ooh. My favorite is "Pull My Finger."
- Ash Tyler: Oh, interesting bit of trivia about that song. It's about farting.
- Derek Jupiter: Sorry, kid. We promised to dinner, not a jam session.
- Tripp Campbell: Oh, that's okay. I'll only wanna play guitar for the greatest lead singer rock history.
- Derek Jupiter: Flattery will not get you very far. Garage is a very far, is it?
- Tripp Campbell: It's just outside.
- Derek, Burger, Ash: To the garage!
- Tripp Campbell: Uh, guys!
- Derek, Burger, Ash: What?
- Tripp Campbell: It's that way.
- Derek, Burger, Ash: To that way!
(song: Pull My Finger)
Pull my finger
Yeow, it's a real stinker
Pull my finger
Just don't break my heart
Smell it linger
Yeow, that's a massive stinker
Smell it linger
Just don't smell my heart
- Tripp Campbell: Oh, wow, guys that was sick.
- Ash Tyler: Man, you can really shred on that guitar, bro.
- Burger Pitt: Yeah, little man, you made that guitar scream. It was like "AAAAHH!" But more like a guitar unless like, some dudes scream in the garage.
- Derek Jupiter: Yeah, after a minute, kid, that was pretty impressive.
- Tripp Campbell: Well, I know you've been looking for a new lead guitarist for a long time. We sounded great? I'm available.
- Tripp: There goes my dream. My dream's getting in their van. My dream's closing the van door. My dream's... putting on their pajamas and brushing their teeth? I think my dream lives in their van.
- Burger: Okay, there's no photo session at a hotel suite. It's happening here. Okay, we just take pictures of ourselves with our camera phones. Okay, our phones don't have cameras. Okay, we don't have phones. Okay.
I'm Out of the Band
- Derek, Burger and Ash: TRIPP'S LEAVING THE BAND? THIS IS YOUR FAULT! MY FAULT?! STOP SAYING WHAT I'M SAYING!
- Tripp: GUYS!
- Derek, Burger and Ash: What?
- Tripp: I'm not leaving the band.
- Derek, Burger and Ash: HE'S STAYING! IT'S BECAUSE OF ME! BECAUSE OF YOU?! STOP SAYING WHAT I'M SAYING!
- Tripp: Hey guys! They were having a bake sale at school today. Who wants a cupcake?
- Derek: Fluff your cupcakes! (He swats the box of cupcakes out of Tripp's hands but then he picks it up again.)
- Burger: We're so mad at you right now, we're all like this! (He swats the box of cupcakes out of Tripp's hands again.)
- Tripp: Hey, what's going on?!?
- Ash: What's going on? I don't know, because we weren't invited to the BOOGER carnival! (Gives Tripp the cupcakes but swats them out of his hands again.)
(Ash and Burger walk into the living room.)
- Derek: We know you're leaving us and joining Metalwolf. (Goes into the living room.)
- Tripp: Wha-hey, hey! No, no no-I am NOT joining Metalwolf! I can't believe you guys would even think that!
- Derek, Burger and Ash: (All cover their faces with magazines)
(Elevator music is playing in Metalwolf's apartment.)
- Tripp: What is this music? It's awful!
- Brian: Oh, you wanna hear awful, you should listen to Metalwolf's last album. It's loud, and you can't understand any of the words! It's just like, "LA DA DA DA DA! BLU LA LA LA LA!"
- Todd: LA DA DA DA DA!
- Murray: BLA BLUH BLA! Won a Grammy.
- Tripp: ...You guys don't like your own music? Then why do you make it? Just for the money?
- Brian: Tripp, let me explain something to you. (Puts his hand on Tripp's shoulder.) Yes.
Iron Weasel: The Video Game
- Burger: We're gonna have our own VIDEO GAME! (the others cheer, and Burger smashes his guitar controller, making a wire come out from the neck) ...This game is surprisingly violent.
- Tripp: "Iron Weasel Baby Fight"?! Here's a note from Ms. Dempsey. "Dear neanderthals."
- Ash: Oh, that's us.
- Tripp: If you're gonna act like children, the whole world's gonna see you as children. We've already got a half a million pre-orders. Reba, sign my name.
- Derek: I can't believe it! Half a million people are gonna see us look like idiots!
- Tripp: Or...half a million people are gonna see us look like IDIOTS!
Extreme Weasel Makeover
- All four of the guys: YES! He's gonna see if he can work with us first. If he likes what he sees and we don't wimp out like that stupid Finnish band, then he'll sign us to a RECORD DEAL!
- Simon Craig: You guys do that a lot?
- Tripp: No.
- Derek: Not at all.
- Burger: Hardly ever.
- Ash: Sometimes we do this.
- Derek: Alright, so let-let me get this straight...you HUMILIATED us with those ridiculous outfits. Made us perform that horrible, HORRIBLE music. Forced us to endure the psychology anguish of questioning EVERYTHING that we have EVER believed in and now you just expect us to sign a record deal with you?!
- Simon Craig: Yeah.
- Derek: Great, do you have a pen?
- Derek: There's a fine line between bravery and stupidity.
- Ash: I'll walk that line.
- Burger: Ash, no. You're my buddy, I can't lose you.
- Ash: I must, for the good of the band. If I don't make it, give this letter to my mother (pulls out a 'Q') It was her favorite letter.
- Burger:I'll make sure that she gets this.
- Logan Miller - Tripp Campbell
- Stephen Full - Ash
- Greg Baker - Burger Pitt
- Steve Valentine - Derek Jupiter
- Caitlyn Taylor Love - Izzy Fuentes
- Beth Littleford - Beth Campbell
- Reginald VelJohnson - Principal Strickland
- Aaron Albert - Jared
- Hollywood Yates - Ernesto the Besto
- Zayne Emory - Charles "Chucky" Albertson
- Alan Thicke- Simon Craig
- Mark Teich - Principal Maurice Jenkins
- Spencer Boldman - Bryce Johnson