Jump to navigation Jump to search
She's evil... and not just high school evil. taglines
- Hell is a teenage girl.
- I don't even know who Needy Lesnicky is anymore. I'm a different person now. A person who uses curse words and kicks orderlies and sees things that aren't there. A very bad, very damaged person... [lifts her top sleeve, revealing Jennifer's bite-mark imprinted on her shoulder] Lesnicky: But sometimes change can be good! For instance, most occult scholars don't know this, but if you're bitten by a demon, and you live, you just might absorb some of the demon's abilities... You might get lucky for once in your miserable life! [she floats up, kicks out the window and escapes]
- [Grabs Needy's breasts] These are like smart bombs, you point them in the right direction and shit gets real.
- Do you know how hard it is to make it as an indie band these days? There are so many of us, and we're all so cute and it's like if you don't get on Letterman or some retarded soundtrack, you're screwed, okay? Satan is our only hope. We're in league with the Beast now. And we've got to make a really big impression on him. And to do that, we're going to have to butcher you. And bleed you. And then Dirk here is going to wear your face. [Dirk gives him a look] Relax, I'm kidding about the face thing. The rest is going to happen.
- Chip Dove: Needy, I care about you. As a person, not just some girl I made love to for four minutes the other night, and I'm scared of what's happening to you.
- Chastity: It's true. It's on the Wikipedia.
- Needy's Mom: [to Needy] I dreamed some bad people were trying to nail you to a tree with hammers and big stakes and shit. Just like J.C. But I didn't let 'em get to you, 'cause I'm a hard-assed, Ford-tough mama bear.
- Needy: How are you going to get alcohol?
- Jennifer: I'll just play Hello Titty with the bartender.
- Jennifer: I think the singer wants me.
- Needy: Only because he thinks you're a virgin. I heard them talking.
- Jennifer: Yeah, right. I'm not even a backdoor-virgin anymore, thanks to Roman. By the way, that hurts. I couldn't even go to flags the next day. I had to stay home and sit on a bag of frozen peas.
- Needy: [after Colin asks Jennifer out] Colin's really nice.
- Jennifer: He listens to maggot rock. He wears nail polish. My dick is bigger than his.
- Jennifer: [Needy and Chip come downstairs from her bedroom] Hey, Chip. It smells like Thai food in here... Have you guys been fucking?
- Needy: Ugh, you're gross!
- Needy: Are you PMS'ing or something?
- Jennifer: PMS isn't real Needy, it was invented by the boy-run media to make us seem like we're crazy.
- Needy: Jennifer's evil.
- Chip: I know.
- Needy: No. I mean, she's actually evil. Not high school evil.
- Chip: [after Jennifer attacked him] She can fly?
- Needy: She's just hovering... it's not that impressive.
- Jennifer: God, do you have to undermine everything I do? You are such a player hater.
- Needy: You're a jerk.
- Jennifer: Nice insult, Hannah Montana. Got any more harsh digs?
- Needy: You know what? You were never a good friend. Even when we were little you used to steal my toys, and pour lemonade on my bed.
- Jennifer: And now I'm eating your boyfriend. See? At least I'm consistent.
- Needy: Why do you need him? Huh? you can have anybody that you want, Jennifer. So... why Chip? Is it just to tick me off? Or is it just because you're just really insecure?
- Jennifer: I am not insecure, Needy. God that was a joke, how could I ever be insecure? I was the Snowflake Queen!
- Needy: Yeah, two years ago when you were socially relevant.
- Jennifer: I am still socially relevant.
- Needy: And when you didn't need laxatives to stay skinny.
- Jennifer: I am going... to eat your soul... and SHIT IT OUT, LESNICKI!
- Needy: I thought you only murdered boys.
- Jennifer: [smirks] I go both ways.
- Needy: Best friends FOREVER, huh? You killed my fucking boyfriend! You goddamned monster, you dumb BITCH!
- [Jennifer bites Needy on the arm. Needy reveals her knife]
- Needy: Ya know what THIS is for? Huh? It's for cutting BOXES!
- [Needy tries stabbing Jennifer in the face, Jennifer grabs the knife]
- Jennifer: Do you buy ALL your murder weapons at Home Depot? God, you're butch!
- Needy: Cross out Jennifer!
- [Needy slices a bloody "X" on Jennifer's stomach with the knife]
- Jennifer: [After being stabbed] My tit.
- Needy: No...your heart.
- Passing Motorist: So, why are you headed east?
- Needy: I'm following this rock band.
- Passing Motorist: Must be one hell of a group.
- Needy: Tonight's gonna be their last show.
- She's evil... and not just high school evil.
- Megan Fox - Jennifer Check
- Amanda Seyfried - Anita "Needy" Lesnicki
- Johnny Simmons - Chip Dove
- J. K. Simmons - Mr. Wroblewski
- Amy Sedaris - Toni Lesnicki
- Adam Brody - Nikolai
- Kyle Gallner - Colin Gray
- Cynthia Stevenson - Mrs. Dove
- Chris Pratt - Officer Roman Duda
- Carrie Genzel - Mrs. Check
- Juan Riedinger - Dirk
- Juno Ruddell - Officer Warzak
- Valerie Tian as Chasity
- Aman Johal - Ahmet from India
- Josh Emerson - Jonas Kozelle
- Lance Henriksen - driver