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The Pall-Bearer's Revue (1992)
- How do you give a woman an orgasm? Who cares!
- My mother thinks I'm at Kings cross right now buying drugs off a prostitute. If she knew I was on the BBC, she'd kill me.
- My idea of Comic Relief is switching Victoria Wood off.
- I only hate two things - living things, and objects.
- I'm actually a bisexual necrophiliac - I'll shag anything that doesn't move.
- I used to think I was great in bed until I discovered that all my girlfriends suffered from asthma.