Jersey Girl (2004 film)

From Wikiquote
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Jersey Girl is a 2004 American comedy-drama film written and directed by Kevin Smith. It stars Ben Affleck, Liv Tyler, Raquel Castro, George Carlin, Jason Biggs, Jennifer Lopez and Will Smith.


Ollie: [to Gertie] You're the only thing I was ever good at.

[last lines]
Gertie: Thank you, daddy.
Ollie: Anything for you, Gert. You know why?
Gertie: Why?
Ollie: Because you're the only thing I was ever really good at.

[first lines]
Teacher: Everyone, please take your seats. You heard the bell. You know what it means. Last week, the assignment was to write an essay about your family. Who they...
Teacher: [class: "Are!"] And what they...
Teacher: [class: "Mean to us!"] Excellent droning.

Gertie: I hate you! I hate you! I wish you died, not MOMMY!
Ollie: I hate you right back, you little shit! You and your mom took my life away from me. I just want it back!

Bart: Sun even shines on a dog's ass some days.
Greenie: You getting a dog?

Maya: That was kind of sweet. I'm kind of crushing on you right now, Trinkle.

Ollie: "Cats" is the second worst thing that ever happened in New York City.

[after talking to Gertie, after finding her with Brian without their pants on]
Ollie: Do you have any questions about what you saw?
Gertie: [thinking hard] Do you have what Brian has?
Ollie: Yes.
Gertie: [after thinking hard again] Is it as big as his?
Ollie: Sadly, yes.

Ollie: George Michael is all about the ladies. "I want your sex". Does that sound like he's singing to a guy?

Boy #5: Okay, it's like this. My dog ate my paper. I checked, but he didn't poop it out.

Bart: Try acting like a father, shit-head.

Gertrude: [very pregnant Gertrude is getting ready for the VMAs] You try getting ready quickly when you look like this! I'm so fat and there's going to be nothing but beautiful skinny girls there!
Ollie: That's because they're all coked-out whores, honey.
Gertrude: [now crying] I want to be a coked-out whore!

Ollie: They're just skinny because they're coked-out whores.
Gertrude: [sobbing] I want to be a coked-out whore!
Ollie: Okay, you can be a coked-out whore. You can be a coked-out, coked-out whore.

Maya: I do it at least twice a day.
Ollie: Good God!


External links[edit]

Wikipedia has an article about: