Joe Haldeman

Joe William Haldeman (born 9 June 1943) is an American science fiction author.

Quotes

Short fiction

Infinite Dreams (1978)

Page numbers from the mass market edition, published by Avon Books, ISBN 0-380-47605-3, first printing (October 1979)

See Joe Haldeman's Internet Science Fiction Database page for original publication details

Most aliens in science fiction aren’t truly alien, and that’s not because science fiction writers lack imagination, but because the purpose of an alien in a story is usually to provide a meaningful distortion of human nature.
- Introduction to Anniversary Project (p. 21)

“That’s an improvement?”
“Who can say? But that’s revolution: throw the old set of bastards out and install your own set. At least it’ll be different.”
- The Mazel Tov Revolution (p. 49)

Any time somebody starts out a sentence with your name, Leonard thought, they’re trying to sell you something.
- A Mind of His Own (p. 80)

“I’ll be frank with you.” Leonard reflected that that was one of the least trust-inspiring phrases in the language.
- A Mind of His Own (p. 92)

It was full of jargon, charts and the kind of vague mathematics that social scientists admire.
- A Mind of His Own (p. 92)

One class of crackpots felt that Harrison had betrayed humanity, giving conquering hordes of aliens a road map back to Earth. The details of what they would do to us, and why, provided an interesting refraction of the individual crackpot’s problems.
- A Time to Live (p. 118)

“The problem with most people,” Samuel cut in, “isn’t that they don’t know a lot of things. Just that most of what they know is wrong.”
- Summer’s Lease (p. 149)

YOU ARE VERY SUPERSTITIOUS. I HAVE FOUND THIS TO BE NOT UNCOMMON AMONG MATHEMATICIANS.
- Armaja Das (p. 192; the computer is speaking)

A person who thinks he learns science from science fiction is like one who thinks he learns history from historical novels, and he deserves what he gets.
- Afterword (p. 222)

For White Hill (1995)

All page numbers from the reprint of the story in the mass market paperback "Year's Best SF" edited by David G. Hartwell and published by Harper

Big money seeks out the company of its own, for purposes of reproduction.
- p. 225

I have always valued quiet, and the eternity of it that I face is no more dreadful than the eternity of quiet that preceded my birth.
- p. 257

The Forever War (1974)

All page numbers from the author’s definitive version, published in trade paperback by Thomas Dunne Books

She hadn’t been such a bad girl before the power went to her head.
- Chapter 7 (p. 28)

Relativity propped it up, at least gave it the illusion of being there...the way all reality becomes illusory and observer-oriented when you study general relativity. Or Buddhism. Or get drafted.
- Chapter 10 (p. 46)

I had to stifle an impulse to laugh. Surely “cowardice“ had nothing to do with his decision. Surely he had nothing so primitive and unmilitary as a will to live.
- Chapter 20 (p. 107)

It was making me a little queasy. Doctors don’t seem to realize that most of us are perfectly content not having to visualize ourselves as animated bags of skin filled with obscene glop.
- Chapter 20 (p. 108)

I never found anyone else and I don’t want anyone else. I don’t care whether you’re ninety years old or thirty. If I can’t be your lover, I’ll be your nurse.
- Chapter 35 (p. 264)

Mindbridge (1976)

All page numbers from the mass market paperback edition published by Avon

Men started to geoform the earth in the middle of the twentieth century. Unfortunately, a lot of the early work was done by people who failed to see the earth as a closed set of mutually interrelated systems.
- Chapter 8 “Geoformy 1” (p. 33)

CAROL: You don’t care for the music?
JACQUE: Music! It’s just a gimmick to sell lutes and flutes.
- Chapter 18 “Chapter 6: Prelude” (p. 64)

“We’re inferring from an absence of data,” Jacque said. “That’s lousy science.”
- Chapter 28 “Chapter Eight” (p. 104)

Forever Peace (1997)

All page numbers from the mass market paperback edition published by Ace

In a physical way we’re closer than any civilian pair could be, since in full combat jack we are this one creature with twenty arms and legs, with ten brains, with five vaginas and five penises.
Some people call the feeling godlike, and I think there have been gods who were constructed along similar lines. The one I grew up with was an old white-bearded Caucasian gent without even one vagina.
- p. 8

Maybe after the war we’ll be civilized again. That’s the way it has always happened in the past.
- p. 14

One thing most of us agree on is that the universe exists (people who deny that usually follow some trade other than science), so if some theoretical particle interaction would lead ultimately to the nonexistence of the universe, then you can save a lot of electricity by not trying to demonstrate it.
- p. 25

We did it with their government’s foreknowledge and permission, of course—and there were no civilian casualties, equally of course. Once they’re dead they’re rebels.
- p. 27

It was an ideological war for some—the defenders of democracy versus the rebel strong-arm charismatic leaders. Or the capitalist land-grabbers versus the protectors of the people, take your pick.
- p. 36

Like a lot of things that everybody knows, it wasn’t true.
- pp. 44-45

She smiled. “I wouldn’t mind. Is that a difference between men and women or between you and me?”
“I think it’s a difference between you and merely sane people.”
- p. 54

Nobody else in that platoon can tell a Hamiltonian from a hamburger.
- p. 146

“You were a Jesuit?”
“Franciscan. We run a close second in being pains in the ass.”
- p. 198

Maybe war is an inevitable product of human nature. Maybe to get rid of war, we have to become something other than human.
- p. 205

Human nature does change, and the fact that we’ve developed tools to direct that change is quintessentially human. And it must be a nearly universal concomitant to technological growth everywhere in the universe; otherwise there would be no universe. Unless we’re the only technological intelligence in the universe, Julian pointed out; so far there’s no evidence to the contrary. Maybe our own existence is evidence that we’re the first creatures to evolve far enough to hit the reset button. Somebody does have to be first.
But maybe the first is always the last.
- p. 205

“You’re actually a soldier,” he said to me, “and you go along with this foolishness?”
“I didn’t ask to be a soldier. And I can’t imagine a peace as foolish as this war we’re in.”
- p. 227

“Some are born crazy,” Amelia said. “Some achieve craziness. We had craziness thrust upon us.”
- p. 249

Forever Free (1999)

All page numbers from the mass market paperback edition published by Ace, ISBN 0-441-00787-2 (November 2000), first printing

The generator was worth its weight in bureaucrats.
- Chapter 2 (p. 14)

“We’re in jail, Charlie.” I made a gesture that didn’t knock anything over. “We can’t see the bars because they’re over the horizon.”
- Chapter 3 (p. 34)

The more leaves, the more Tree.
- Chapter 4 (p. 38)

Fathers and daughters don’t communicate that well even when alien languages and secret conspiracies aren’t involved.
- Chapter 11 (p. 91)

Fish and chickens were the only animals we’d had aboard in zerogee. Fish can’t tell the difference and chickens are too dumb to care.
- Chapter 15 (p. 141)

I could have argued with his logic, but over the years have learned to find more pleasant ways to waste my time.
- Chapter 20 (p. 182)

Most of human history had been industry versus nature, with industry winning.
- Chapter 28 (p. 226)

“But all I have is hearsay, passed on by others of my kind.”
“Including this ‘nameless’ stuff,” I said.
“That’s true. And at various times in my life, I’ve wondered whether it might not be a delusion—some sort of fiction that we share. Like a religion: there’s no way you or I could prove that the nameless don’t exist.”
- Chapter 30 (p. 254)

My own religion, if you can call it that, had changed in its fundamental premise, but not its basic assertion: I’d always told religious friends that there may or may not be a God, but if there is one, I wouldn’t want to have him over for dinner. I’ll stand by that last part.
- Chapter 32 (p. 269)

Camouflage (2004)

All page numbers from the mass market paperback edition published by Ace

It was so much more complicated than it had to be, but the changeling had noted that this was true of every human biological function that wasn’t involuntary.
- Chapter 24 (p. 133)

The Accidental Time Machine (2007)

All page numbers from the mass market paperback edition published by Ace

Rationalism doesn’t require “belief,” only observation. The real, measurable world doesn’t care what you believe.
- Chapter 12 (pp. 110-111)

If you asked him, he would say the only connection between free will and religion in his life was the fact that he hadn’t set foot in a synagogue since he turned eighteen.
- Chapter 14 (p. 152)

“Everybody rich and happy.” She smiled. “Also complacent and rather stupid, you may have noticed.”
- Chapter 15 (p. 181)

External links

Encyclopedic article on Joe Haldeman on Wikipedia
Media related to Joe Haldeman on Wikimedia Commons