John Hennigan
John Zafir Hennigan (born October 3, 1979) is an American professional wrestler, better known by his ring names John Morrison and Johnny Nitro..
The Dirt Sheet
[edit]- John MorrisonHi. I'm John Morrison, and if I had a nickel for everyone who looked better than me at WrestleMania... I would have no nickels
- 8/5/2008 edition, on ECW
- John Morrison: Hi. I'm John Morrison, and People Magazine offered me $15 million for pictures of myself as a baby. I passed.
- The Miz: You turned them down?
- John Morrison: John Morrison is not for sale.
- 5/23/2008 edition
- John Morrison: Hi. I am John Morrison, and if I was in charge of the war on terror, we would have already won & gasoline would cost 50 cents a gallon.
- The Miz: How would it cost 50 cents a gallon?
- John Morrison: I could tell you, but... Then I would have to kill you.
- John Morrison: We don't beat our bishops at the Palace of Wisdom. We have hot women who do that for us.
- 5/16/2008 edition
- John Morrison: Hi. I am John Morrison, and they considered casting me in that Iron Man movie, but changed their minds when they realised I would destroy all the villains on the movie & it would only last 15 minutes.
- The Miz: In Life There Are Winners and Losers.
- Nunzio: F**K You
- John Morrison: We Are The WWE Tag Team Champions,Be Jealous
- 5/09/2008 edition
- John Morrison: Hi. I am John Morrison, and I don't like Canada.
- The Miz: Why?
- John Morrison: I don't like Maple Syrup, it reminds me of Canada.
- John Morrison: Some people call it The God's country, some people call it a pile of crap.
- 20/6/2008 edition
- John Morrison: I'm John Morrison, and I recently learned that marsupials are indigenous to Australia. The only continent to which they are found.
- The Miz: And I'm your chick magnet, the Miz-"
- Morrison: Do you know what a marssssssssssupial is Miz?
- Miz: I-
- Morrison: Marsssupial?
- Miz: (pause) I do not.
- Morrison: I do.
- Miz: Good for you
Morrison and The Miz: Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds! Nerds... (Talking about the new superstars on ECW)
- 10/10/2008 edition
- John Morrison: Hi, I'm John Morrison, and the reason Chuck Norris stopped making movies is that he was afraid I would show up to his set one day, and expose his lack of skill to the world.
The Dirt Sheet Live at ECW 10.28.08
- John Morrison: Shawn Michaels, Triple H, In life there are winners and there are Losers, and this monday night at Raw we are gonna have two words for you.... (with The Miz) Be Jealous!
Hi, I'm John Morrison
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22/02/08: ...and I like to squeeze things.
29/02/08: ...and you can bounce a quarter off my abs.
07/03/08: ...and one time I spent the night on a house boat with Joan Rivers.
14/03/08: ...and I drive a hybrid.
21/03/08: ...and I can bench press 400 pounds.
28/03/08: ...and if I had a nickel for everyone at WrestleMania better looking than me, I would have no nickels.
04/04/08: ...and this week, Snoop Dogg offered me $20,000 for my WrestleMania jacket... it wasn't nearly enough.
11/04/08: ...and this year I'm gonna be voting for both Clinton and Obama.
25/04/08: ...and I may look like Tarzan, but I definitely don't hit like Jane.
02/05/08: ...and once after a 15 minute conversation, I convinced Madonna to adopt an English accent.
09/05/08: ...and I don't like Canada... I don't like Maple Syrup, it reminds me of Canada.
16/05/08: ...and they considered casting me in that Iron Man movie, but changed their minds when they realised that I would destroy all the villains, and the movie would only last 15 minutes.
23/05/08: ...and if I was in charge of the war on terror, we would already have won, and gasoline would only cost 50 cents a gallon.
30/05/08: ...and I'm in the process of making a short surrealist autobiographical film about my rise to superstardom.
06/06/08: ...and I once found the meaning of life in a quarter while riding Big Thunder Mountain at Disneyland.
13/06/08: ...and I once spent six months in Nepal chanting with Zen Buddhist monks.
20/06/08: ...and I recently learned that marsupials are indigenous to Australia, the only continent in which they're found.
27/06/08: ...and one time I waited backstage at the Point Theatre in Dublin for three weeks just to give Michael Flatley the surprise beating of his lifetime.
04/07/08: ...and the 4th of July is this nation's birthday, which falls under the astrological sign of Cancer, the mother of the Zodiac... which follows that the United States is like the mother of the free world, which is why it's so important that in this country, we all drive hybrids to set a good example.
11/07/08: ...and last Thursday I went surfing naked, while most people would have been arrested for indecent exposure, I was awarded the key to the city of Manhattan Beach.
18/07/08: ...and I think so deep, I eat religion and crap out enlightenment.
25/07/08: ...and my passport photo looks amazing.
01/08/08: ...and the Catholic Church campaigned to have me omitted from the Bible because they were afraid I would outshine Jesus.
05/08/08: ...and People Magazine offered me $15m for pictures of myself as a baby, I passed... John Morrison is not for sale.
08/08/08: ...and last week, when I took my shirt off in Chino, California, the spontanious screaming from all the young ladies in the city registered as a 5.4 on the Richter Scale... the largest earthquake since Northridge... I was there at Northridge too, by the way... I was 12 years old.
15/08/08: ...and if they gave out Olympic gold medals for abdominals, I would have eight.
22/08/08: ...and this week I donated $2300 to Barack Obama... that's the maximum campaign contribution that can come from an individual.
29/08/08: ...and all of Jay-Z's 99 Problems are me.
02/09/08: ...and one time I beat Stephen Hawking at 44 straight games of Parcheesi... and if Carl Sagan was there, I'd have beaten him as well.
05/09/08: ...and one time I climbed Mount Everest just to enjoy a tasty diet soda... because I felt like it... you know with that elevation, Miz, you need to drink quickly because the low pressure decarbonises your soda more quickly than it would at sea level... it's a cool and refreshing brisk place to enjoy a tasty beverage, and I can do that, because I'm John Morrison.
12/09/08: ...and if God had two sons, I would be the better looking one.
19/09/08: ...and if there is ever a Hurricane Morrison, it would be so much more powerful than Ike and Katrina that it would have to evacuate the whole Southern seaboard.
26/09/08: ...and for six months, I thought Nancy Grace was a man... I really couldn't tell.
03/10/08: ...and one time I played a two hour game of Monopoly with Adam West. I won when he landed on Park Place after I'd built two hotels... it was a two hour game, he obviously passed Go.
10/10/08: ...and the reason Chuck Norris stopped making movies is that he was afraid I would show up to his set one day and expose his lack of skill to the world.
17/10/08: ...and I'm so tan, I could be the Pope.
24/10/08: ...and one time I convinced a jack rabbit to eat a ham on rye.
28/10/08: ...and the diamonds on my abs right now are worth enough money to deport each and every illegal alien from this city.
31/10/08: ...and recently a group of people spent $150,000 on wardrobe for me that I'm gonna return later... I'm just stating fact.
07/11/08: ...and the girls all want me because they all get hungry for Peanut Butter and Johnny.
14/11/08: ...and The Marine is the worst movie I've ever seen.
28/11/08: ...and Emeril Lagasse recently called me to ask me how I baste my turkey at the Palace of Wisdom... that recipe is top secret.
05/12/08: ...and last night, Britney Spears called me to ask me to get her in shape for her comeback... I'm guessing a lot of Pilates.
12/12/08: ...and the only reason I allow churches to exist is because I don't want people praying at the Palace of Wisdom.
10/5/09: ...and I once drank an entire gallon of Muscle Milk in 15 minutes.
12/01/10: ...and i enjoy a frosted maple scone in the morning with my coffee.
Sourced
[edit]- The problem with Punk and the straightedge lifestyle is that he doesn’t experience the things that John Morrison experiences.
- CM Punk playing Skee-Ball at Chuck E. Cheese is never going to reach the intellectual heights and experience the life that John Morrison experiences and, therefore, he will never know what to do in the ring against John Morrison.
- William Blake once said the road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom. And that’s where I dwell. John Morrison is enlightened.
- CM Punk, I suggest cashing in your tickets at Chuck E. Cheese for a replica ECW Championship because that’s the closest you’re ever going to get to the gates of paradise.
- Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the reason you're all here tonight, the new face of extreme, the man who defeated CM Punk in the middle of the ring at the Great American Bash, the greatest ECW champion of all time... John Morrison.
- Some are born to sweet delight and others born to endless night.
- You know what, Punk? You been knockin' at my door at the palace of wisdom ever since I became the ECW champion. But sittin' right there with your lame tattoos and that little chair is as close as you're ever gonna get to earthly paradise.
- Well think about it, Punk. Think about it before you sign that. Last week, you couldn't even last fifteen minutes in the ring with the new face of extreme, the Tuesday night delight, John Morrison.
- I am the guru of greatness, the shaman of sexy, the ECW champion John Morrison. I am beyond good and evil, a portal to the infinite. Punk, you are temporary, fleeting, a footnote to an average reality. You want me to embarrass you at SummerSlam? Is that it? Then go ahead, sign it, but the fact is you can't handle the pressure, Punk. You couldn't handle being the ECW champion.
- Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth. the truth is WWE Universe loves John Morrison
The Palace Of Wisdom
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- We don't like fatties at the Palace of Wisdom.
- We don't like snakes in the Palace of Wisdom.
- We date real women in the Palace of Wisdom.
- We don't let nerds hang out at the Palace of Wisdom.
- I don't take calls from Joey Styles at the Palace of Wisdom.
- We don't dance with leprechauns at the Palace of Wisdom.
- We hang out with Mr. Fuji at the Palace of Wisdom.
- You're dying to spend a night with me in the Palace of Wisdom. (to Kelly Kelly)
- We don't need sexual performance enhancers at the Palace of Wisdom... but we use them anyway.
- We don't play with action figures at the Palace Of Wisdom.
- We can't smell what The Rock is cookin' at the Palace of Wisdom.
- We don't let virgins hang out at the Palace of Wisdom.
- We do have jackets like that at the Palace of Wisdom. (in reference to Michael "P.S." Hayes)
- Teddy Long could never hang out at the Palace of Wisdom..
- At the Palace of Wisdom they don't send a boy to do a man's job, they send The Shaman; the Shaman of Sexy. (in reference to Shawn Michaels and his theme song referring to himself as a Sexy Boy)
- Look, Maria. I know what you're thinking. I don't bring girls that look like you home to the Palace of Wisdom. But that doesn't mean you can't dream about it.
- If Santa came to the Palace of Wisdom, we'd beat him up with candy canes.
- We don't drink diet soda at the Palace of Wisdom, Punk!
- Roll ups don't exist at the Palace of Wisdom
- We don't allow sludge at the Palace of Wisdom
- We don't get Top Rope Theatre at the Palace of Wisdom
- We don't have worms at the Palace of Wisdom.
