Johnny Test

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Johnny Test is the Cartoon Network TV show following the adventures of a boy named Johnny Test, who is used as a lab rat for his brilliant sisters, Susan and Mary. Together with his talking dog Dukey, Johnny goes on wild and wacky adventures that always end up with Johnny being changed back from whatever his sisters' latest invention has made him.

Johnny to the Center of the Earth / Johnny X[edit]

Bling-Bling Boy: Johnny, your sisters-
Dukey: Don't get me started with his sisters. They use their only brother as their personal test tube, and they turned me into a canine freak!
Bling-Bling Boy: -gave me this. [holds out the Gender Salt]
SUV Salesman: Now don't think of it as an SUV. Think of it as an insult you drive.

Johnny vs. Bling-Bling Boy / Johnny Impossible[edit]

Neighbor: I'll call your mother, the police, and Santa!
Dukey: Johnny, do you even know what you're doing?
Johnny: Yes. I'm pushing colourful buttons.
Dukey: Okay, here's the plan: You check out that menacing-looking fake volcano, and I'll check out that forest full of fresh trees!
Bling-Bling Boy's Mom: Son, what are you doing up there?
Bling-Bling Boy: [finishing up an evil plan] Mother, I'm studying.

Johnny Test: Party Monster / Johnny Test: Extreme Crime Stopper[edit]

Dukey: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.
Johnny: If you were a finger, I'd pick you a booger.

Deep Sea Johnny/ Johnny and the Amazing Turbo-Action Backpack[edit]

Johnny: Dad, why are we here so early? The water's not even awake yet!
Mr. Test: If you want to get a good spot on the beach, you have to get there- [the beach completely fills up with people] -early.
Susan: Interesting. Your skin seems to change colour with different moods. Try calming down.
[Mary calms down and turns blue.]
Susan: You're blue! I've invented a mood lotion! [Mary gets mad and turns red again] Oh, now you're red again...

Bathtime for Johnny[edit]

[After Dad's attempt at getting Johnny to take a bath fails.]
Dad: That's it, I give! I like smelly Johnny. I do! It's natural to smell like a dead bison, right?
Mom: Nothing good comes from not taking a bath.
Johnny: It totally does. One; There's always a seat on the bus. Two; I get to skip the lines in the cafeteria. And three; Which is the best of all, I'm my own science project.
Dukey: (surprised) You didn't bathe for five weeks and rub fish on yourself for me?
Johnny: Uh-huh. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you.

Papa Johnny[edit]

Johnny: You wouldn't last a day in my shoes.
Dad: YOU COULDN'T LAST AN HOUR IN MINE!
Dad: Being stuffed into my own locker by Bumper is still better than toilet plunging.
[A long while after Dad and Johnny swap brains.]
Johnny: I can't take it. Dad wins! I just want my horrible childhood back!
Dad: And I want my awful life back!
Johnny: I'm so sorry, Dad! And, I love you, man.
Dad: I love you too, son. And Bumper's coming here to kick your butt. I mean my butt. I mean HELP!
[When Johnny (in Dad's body) is about to shoot Bumper with a marshmallow shooter loaded with sprouts.]
Johnny: You leave me... ahem... I mean, my son alone!
Bumper: Are those Brussels sprouts?
Johnny: Boiled. No butter, no salt.
Mom: You switched their bodies?!
Susan: No! We switched their brains.
Mom: Oh. WELL, SWITCH THEM BACK!

Johnny's Big Sisters' Smackdown[edit]

[After Susan and Mary are too scared to ask Gil out on a date.]
Johnny: You guys are pathetic!
Dukey: No, totally pathetic!
Susan: We know.
Dukey: Tickling, works every time!
Johnny: You know, the only thing missing is my dad telling me that I have to have them back to normal by dinner or I'm in big trouble and- he's standing right behind me, isn't he?
(Dukey nods nervously and Johnny turns around.)
Johnny: I'd like to start this conversation with; I didn't do it.
Dad: I don't know what "it" is, Johnny, but you better have Susan and Mary home and normal by dinner or you're in big trouble, big!

Johnny Re-Animated[edit]

[When cartoon characters Dawg and Bone enter the real world.]
Johnny: OW! You hit us with frying pans!
Dawg: Since when does that hurt? [He and Bone hit each other with frying pans and their faces are completely flat. They shake their heads and they return to normal.] That is always funizle!
Dukey: Oh, no. They're from a squash and stretch cartoon!
Johnny: And that means?
Dukey: They can't get hurt in our world, but we can!
[When Dawg and Bone are about to be blown up with dynamite.]
Dawg: This is a new one.
[Johnny and Dukey hit Dawg and Bone with frying pans to which onlookers laugh.]
Woman: Hey, that was kinda funny!
[Dawg and Bone shake their heads to return normal and then pull out large laser guns.]
Woman: Not funny anymore! Run!
[When Johnny, Dukey, Susan and Mary enter the cartoon world.]
Johnny: Ok, Dawg. Do it!
Dawg: You got it, Johnny.
[He and Bone hit Johnny and Dukey with frying pans and their faces are completely flat.]
Johnny & Dukey: Awesome!

Dolly Johnny[edit]

[After Susan and Mary make the doll that controls Johnny's every move.]
Johnny: Ok, I'm sorry I wouldn't honour your dumb coupons, but please! No more Johnny torture doll!!
Susan: In time.
Johnny: Scissors pie fight!
Mary: Juggle eggs!
Johnny: Brush your hair with penut butter!
Susan: Human hotdog! Add ketchup!
Johnny: Mexican jumping bean mode! Go!
[When Dad confiscates the dolls of Johnny, Susan and Mary and tells them to clean the mess they made in kitchen, which they immediately start doing.]
Dad: Wow! You've really come to respect my authority, huh?
Mary: It's the dolls! When you speak into them we have to do what you say!
Dad: Oh. Well, it seems kinda wrong to force you to clean using them.
Johnny: Then stop doing it!!
Johnny: Who says revenge is a dish best served cold? It works with warm oatmeal too.

Johnny Testosterone[edit]

Choir Master: So Johnny Test thinks he can blow off choir class again?
Johnny: I'm right here!
Choir Master: Oh, right. I forgot, you haven't grown like the others. Ok, sing a sad note, everyone.
Johnny: What's a suppository? [Mary whispers something in Johnny's ear.] Are you nuts?!
Johnny: (After receiving a suppository) Man, I hate getting medicine like that!
Dukey: Hey, let's all laugh now like they do at the end of old sitcoms.
Susan & Mary: Ok!
[Johnny, Dukey, Susan & Mary all laugh.]

How to Train Your Johnny[edit]

Johnny: (singing) # With a swish, swish here and a scrub, scrub there. It's time to clean up everywhere. So say goodbye to filth and grime, I'll clean this mess in double time. (Whistles) Well, it used to be a chore, but it isn't anymore when you've got the secret to a super clean floor. Now the dirt's all gone and it didn't take long when you sing along to the clean up song. (Whistles) When you sing along to the clean up song! #
Dad: Great job, son! And now that the house is clean I'm gonna prepare a cleaning day feast.
Dukey: Well, say all you like, but you gotta admit the song was catchy.
Johnny: And now it's stuck, stuck, stuck in my head, head, head! ARGH!
Johnny: Kitty!

My Dinner with Johnny[edit]

Dad: Why is using your manners at the dinner table so difficult for you?
Johnny: Because dinner is so boring.
Dad: How would you know? You never sit still long enough. One night. Is that too much to ask. Ha! I bet you couldn't even do it for one night.
Johnny: I totally could.
Mom: Yeah, I don't think so, sweetheart.
Dad: You think you can just sit there and not spill, burp, mini vomit, make a gross comment or destroy anything at tomorrow's dinner? And eat whatever's put in front of you?
Johnny: Piece of cake. And if I do it and win the bet you have to do my homework for a week and buy me ten new video games.
Dad: And when I win you clean your room for a year and yell from the rooftop for everyone to hear that you love my meatloaf.
Johnny & Dad: Deal!
Johnny: I need your help to win the bet.
Susan: And what do we get out of it?
Dukey: Can't you just help him because you're brother and sister?
Susan: No.
Mom: I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS INSANITY!
Johnny & Dad: He started it!
Mom: I don't want to hear it. You're both responsible. Johnny, would it be too much to keep your elbows off the table, excuse yourself after burping and ask for things instead of reaching for them?
Johnny: (awkwardly) No.
Mom: And dear, we're not sitting with the Queen of England can you not be such a stickler about manners? Lighten up a little. And maybe choose ingredients for your Around the World Meatloafs that this family would actually enjoy eating?
Dad: (awkwardly) Yes.

Johnny Goes Viral[edit]

Dukey: Johnny, lately you seem to know an awful lot about... everything.
Johnny: What's so weird about knowing that King Charles made Blasco Núñez Vela the first viceroy of Peru in 1544?
Dukey: Uh-huh. Er... what's a viceroy?
Johnny: I don't know. Wait! I do know!
Mary: Just because you think someone performed highly experimental cutting edge augmentation on your brain you instantly blame us?
Johnny: Er... yeah.
Johnny: (speaking in a female computer voice) Virus detected. Auto-restart.
Dukey: I'll save you!
[Dukey pulls a hospital-type curtain behind Johnny's head. Drilling noises are heard before Dukey reappears holding the computer chip that was attached to Johnny's head.]
Johnny: That kinda tickled.

Dial J for Johnny[edit]

Johnny: You? Funny? Prank?
Dad: Yeah, prank phone calling was the best thing ever. Until I pranked the wrong guy. He really didn't find it funny!
Johnny: You hear that, Dukey. Prank calling is the best thing ever. Let's do it! Thanks for the advice, Dad.
Dad: So I skipped town, got plastic surgery and changed my name to Dad.
[Bling-Bling's phone rings.]
Bling-Bling: A call from the Test house! This is it! Susan is finally calling to ask me out. Why, hello?
Johnny: Hello, (laughs) is your refrigerator running?
Bling-Bling: Well, I exp... wait, Johnny Test! Nice try! But I have caller I.D!
[Johnny telephones Thomas Edison.]
Edison: Hello?
Johnny: Is Mr or Mrs. Wall there?
Edison: No, there are no Walls here.
Johnny: (laughs) Then what holds up the ceiling?
[Dukey telephones Leonardo da Vinci.]
Da Vinci: Da Vinci residence. Leonardo speaking.
Dukey: Hello, I'm looking for a Mr. O'Brains, first name Ivan.
Da Vinci: Ivan O'Brians?
Dukey: (laughs) You have no brains?!
Da Vinci: What? No! I didn't mean that!
Dukey: You're the one who said it, dude!
[Johnny telephones Alexander Graham Bell.]
Bell: Hello?
Johnny: Hi, er, do you have a blue shirt?
Bell: A blue shirt? Why yes I do.
Johnny: Ah, then why don't you cheer it up?

Johnny Two Face[edit]

Johnny: I don't wanna tell the truth!
[After Truth Johnny insults a girl's shoes.]
Johnny: Why'd you say that to her?
Truth Johnny: Because it's the truth, that's why.
Johnny: Yeah, but it hurt her feelings.
Truth Johnny: So what should I do? Lie like you always do?
Johnny: No, but if you don't have anything nice to say maybe you shouldn't say anything at all, even if it's the truth.
Truth Johnny: Blah, blah, blah! Not my fault if people can't handle the truth. They'll just have to get over it.
Johnny: Ok, that's it! You're going down!
Truth Johnny: No, the truth is you're going down.
Johnny: I will stop the truth from hurting peoples' feelings!
Truth Johnny: The truth hurts! Get over it!
Truth Johnny: You're all ugly!
Susan: I am hating the truth today!

Johnny Vets Dukey[edit]

Dukey: What's behind your back?
Johnny: Nothing!
Dukey: Where're we going in the car?
Johnny: To the Squeaky... Toy... Hotdog... Roller-Coaster Store.
Dukey: That doesn't sound like a real thing. What's behind your back?! [Reaches behind Johnny.] A leash! Wait a minute... Dad in car, boy hiding leash, the smell of deceit lingering in the air... (gasps) you're trying to take me to the vet!!
Johnny: It's just a checkup. Don't be a scaredey cat.
Dukey: Watch it, mister! I'm a scaredey dog! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go run in fear.
Johnny: Dukey, nobody likes going to the doctor, but it's something we all have to do. Like homework or holding in gas at the dinner table.
Johnny: I need your keys.
Dad: Huh?
Johnny: He locked the front door.
Dad: How does a dog...
Johnny: HE'S AN IMPRESSIVE DOG, OK?!
Dukey: You'll never take me alive!
Johnny: You might have heart worms!
Dukey: I might not!
Johnny: You might have fleas!
Dukey: I haven't scratched in weeks!
Johnny: That's a lie and you know it!
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