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An anti-hate satire. (taglines)
- Written and directed by Taika Waititi.
- [talking to the mirror] Jojo Betzler. Ten years old. Today, you join the ranks of the Jungvolk in a very, special... training weekend. It's going to be intense. But today, you become a man. I swear to devout all my energies and my strength to the saviour of our country, Adolf Hitler. I am willing and ready to give up my life for him. So help me, God.
- [clarifying to his friend Yorki his position] Yorki, you're my second best friend. First place is reserved for the Führer. So unless you're Hitler hiding in a fat little boy's body, I'd be happy with second place.
- [fearfully asking Elsa to come out of her secret room] Excuse me, little girl? Umm... Jew girl in the wall? Yoohoo... Jew???
- OK, here's the situation. If I tell on you, you’ll be in big trouble and I don’t think you want that. But then you’ll tell on me and my mother and we’ll be in trouble which I don’t want. And if you tell my mother I know, then she’ll kick you out, which you don’t want. And if I tell my mother I know, then you’ll cut off my Nazi head, which I also don’t want. So it's a Mexican stalemate.
- [a fake letter from Elsa's fiance Nathan] Dear Elsa, this is hard for me to say but, I don't want to marry you anymore. I found a new woman, and we laugh a lot, and do the tongue kiss.
- [a second letter apologizing] I just wanted to let you know that I don't want to break up with you now. I don't want you to kill yourself over me, which a couple of girls have done in the past, and it's pretty stressful. I need you to stay alive. Thank God you've been taken care of by that kid, who I must say is a remarkable young man beyond his years. And brave too.
- No news from Nathan today, I'm afraid. He's probably doing something amazing, like reading a book or growing a beard.
- [after the war, Jojo realizes how horrible Hitler was, and attempts to kick him out of his life] FUCK OFF, HITLER.
- [to Jojo] Mmmm-mmm-mm-mmm, my darling little cub.
- [tying Jojo's shoes] You grab the rabbit by the tail, wrap it around his ear, tie it all up and then stuff it back down the hole.
- [responding to Jojo who whines over his scar] Enjoy the attention, kid. Not everyone is lucky enough to look stupid. I for one am cursed to look incredibly attractive.
- [to Jojo] Hi.
- [Jojo asks for information about the Jews] OKay. We're like you... but human.
- [after Jojo tells her his race is superior, she has him in a headlock] Break free. Break free, Great Aryan, there are no weak Jews. I am descended from those who wrestle angels and kill giants, we were chosen by God. You were chosen by a pathetic little man who can't even grow a full mustache! [releases Jojo roughly] Stronger race, huh?
- You're not a Nazi, Jojo. You're a ten-year-old kid who likes swastikas and likes dressing up in a funny uniform who wants to be part of a club. But you're not one of them.
- [telling Jojo] The last time I saw my parents was at the station. They were put on a train. I ran. Slowly found my way back to the city. But... my parents go to a place you don't come back from.
- [comforting Jojo after being bullied "Jojo Rabbit"] Let them say whatever they want. People used to say a lot of nasty things about me. "Oh this guy's a lunatic." "Oh, look at that psycho, he's gonna get us all killed. [shrugs, knows he DOES kill people] Let me let you on a little secret: the rabbit is no coward. The humble little bunny faces a dangerous world every day, hunting carrots for his family, for his country.
- [after Jojo grabs books] Yes. Great thinking, Rabbit. we'll use all of these books to make a fake floor that she'll fall through, straight into a pit full of piranhas, and-- and lava and... bacon. Why, she won't know what hit her.
- [After Jojo tells him Elsa is not bad] I am beginning to question your loyalty to myself and the party. [voice gets louder] You call yourself a patriot?! Yet where is the evidence? The German soldier was born out of necessity. Germany depends on the passion of these young men: passion and the readiness to FALL fot the Fatherland, DESPITE THE FUTILE EFFORTS OF ALLIED WAR PROFITEERS WHO SEND THEIR ILL-PREPARED ARMIES CLUMSILY INTO THE LAIR OF THE WOLF! And only zealous who stand steadfast in the face of the enemy will be ETCHED in German memory forevah! IT IS UP TO YOU TO DECIDE IF YOU WANT TO BE REMEMBERED, or disappear without a trace, like a pitiful grain of sand INTO A DESERT OF INSIGNIFICANCE!
- Heil Hitler, guys.
- And even though it would appear our country's on the backfoot and there's isn't much hope in us winning this war, apparently we're doing just fine.
- [to the students, after seeing Jojo exploded by a hand grenade irresponsibly] Don't do that.
- I've been meaning to teach the HJ boys water warfare training. Y'know... in case they need to go to battle in a swimming pool.
- [seeing the HJ boys drowning, to Sub-Officer Finkel] Finkie, they're drowning.
- As part of our preparations for the invasion I’m re-designing my uniform. Note, the feathers for aerodynamics, the sparkly colour to dazzle the enemy, the boots are purely decorative. [shows another sketch] And this is a Gatling gun mounted with a radio which emits... annoying music to dishearten the enemy.
- [to Jungvolk members] We Aryans are once thousand times more civilized and advanced than any other race. Now get your things together, kids, it's time to BURN SOME BOOKS!
- A Jew hypnotized my uncle, and he became a massive drunk, and he cheated on his wife, and he had an inappropriate relationship with my sister. And said he drowned in an unrelated accident, but it-- it was Jew's fault.
- My friend met some Russians and they ate them.
- [to kid] OK, see that American there? Just go give him a hug! [loads suicide grenade at his back]
- We must kill everything that we see. [carries machine gun] For Hitler. DIE, DEVIL SCUM!!! [shoots randomly, before killed by explosion]
- [Jojo asks Germany's progress on the war] Terribly. Our only friends are the Japanese, and just between you and me... they don't look very Aryan.
- [wearing soldier uniform] Oh my God, it's so hard to run in this thing!
- There are bigger things to worry about than Jews, Jojo. There's Russians somewhere out there. They're worse than anyone. I heard they eat babies and have sex with dogs. The Englishmen do it too. We have to stop them before they eat us and screw all our dogs.
- [Klenzendorf asks how he's doing] Oh, you know how it is. Every day we take a call, "Hallo, is that the Gestapo? I believe there's a communist hiding behind my fridge. We go around to investigate, it's just some mould. So not far off. [sighs] It's all part of the job.
- [to Jojo] You and your friends may have heard a rumour that Hitler only has one ball-- this is nonsense. He has four.
- [laughs at Jojo's ridiculous antisemitic picture book] Guys you need to see this. Ah this one, he has a tail. And here, he's upside down like a bat. And this is a drawing of their heads. And who is operating the machinery of their brains? The devil. Ah, it's funny 'cause it's true.
- Adolf: Heil me, man.
- Jojo: [neutral] Heil Hitler.
- Adolf: Whaat? You can heil me better than that.
- Jojo: [slightly more lively] Heil Hitler.
- Adolf: Just throw it away, don't even think about it.
- Jojo: [more forceful] Heil Hitler.
- Adolf: No you're overthinking it. "Heil Hitler."
- Jojo: [overthinking it] Heil, Hitterler.
- Adolf: Who's Hitterler? Do you even speak German?
- Jojo: [loudens voice] Heil Hitler!
- Adolf: That's not a heil. This is a heil: "Heil!"
- Jojo: [same] Heil Hitler!
- Adolf: [playfully] "Heil Hitler!"
- Jojo: [same] Heil Hitler!
- Adolf: [stressing the playfulness] "Heil Hitler!"
- Jojo: [finally playful] Heil Hitler! [getting it right] Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler!
- Adolf: [simultaneously] Ooh, that's it! You've got it! Heil Hitler! Have a great day! Heil Hitler! You can be the best! Heil Hitler! You can do it! Heil Hitler!
- Both: [rapidly] Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler! Heil Hitler! HEILHITLERHEILHITLERHEIHITLERHEILHITLERHEILHITLER HEIL HITLERRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Jojo: [goes outside] HEIL HITLERRRRR!!! WOAHHHHHHHH!!!!!
- Klenzendorf: Today you boys will be involved in such activities as marching, bayonet drills, grenade throwing, trench digging, map reading, gas defense, camouflage, ambush techniques, war games, firing guns and blowing stuff up.
- [the boys cheer]
- Klenzendorf: The girls will practice important womanly duties... such as... dressing wounds, making beds and learning... how to get pregnant.
- [the girls are not cheering, obviously]
- Rahm: I've had 18 kids for Germany. [sarcastically] Such a great year to be a girl.
- Trainee: [lecturing how soldiers must be ready to kill the enemy. When asked if they are able, Jojo reluctantly says yes]
- Trainee: Johannes. Can you kill?
- Jojo: [reluctant] Of--of--of course. I-- I love killing.
- [Jojo is told to kill a rabbit; he refuses]
- [Jojo and Rosie spot a public gallows, where anti-Nazi people are hanged]
- Jojo: What did they do?
- Rosie: What they could.
- Elsa: I'm not a ghost, Johannes. I'm something worse, but I think you already know that, don't you? You know what I am.
- [Jojo knows it, but is afraid to say it. He shakes his head--]
- Elsa: Yes. Say it. SAY IT!
- Jojo: A Jew.
- Elsa: Gesundheit.
- [after discovering Elsa, Jojo runs to his room, asking Adolf for advice]
- Adolf: How did she get control like that?
- Jojo: She must've used her powers! Mind control.
- Adolf: Ah, typical. You see how fast she moves?
- Jojo: Yes!
- Adolf: Ah, like a female, Jewish Jesse Owens, and now she's got your fancy knife.
- Jojo: Mmmph! My knife!
- Adolf: Ah, like a female, Jewish Jesse Owens, Jack the Ripper. You're definitely in a pickle, my friend. What to do... what to do...
- Both: Got it!
- Jojo: I'd negotiate! / Adolf: You're gonna burn the house and blame Winston Churchill. Or negotiate. Hmm.
- [Jojo fails at negotiating. He goes back to his room, depressed]
- Adolf: She's pretty rude, you know. That's just my two pfennige. And now she's got TWO KNIVES!
- Jojo: I KNOW!
- Adolf: How you're gonna chop up stuff?
- Jojo: I DON'T KNOW!
- Adolf: Oh and she's still up there, that thing, that-- that-- that...
- 'Jojo: Jew!
- Adolf: Ah, Jew! Ah, what we're gonna do bout that Jew?
- Jojo: You think of something.
- Adolf: Oh, now I'm the expert?
- Jojo: STOP OFFERING ME DAMN CIGARETTES! I'M TEN!
- Adolf: Alright, sorry I'm STRESSED OUT! OK, let's talk like turkeys. You can't let your mother know or that Jew will cut off your Nazi head BUT... there's no reason this thing in the attic needs ruin your life-- in fact... you could use it to your advantage.
- Jojo: How?
- Adolf: When someone tries to use mind powers on me, you know what I do? Use mind powers back on them. Remember last year, when that one-arm pirate, von Stauffenberg, tried to blow me up with a table bomb?
- Jojo: Yeah, you survived.
- Adolf: Correctumondo. But the only reason I survived, apart from having bomb-proof legs, is that I outwitted old-von Stauffy. I let him think I was dead when in actual, I was absolutely fine. But pretending I was dead, I drew out all the traitors. So what you're going to do?
- Jojo: Pretend I'm dead?
- Adolf: Eactly-- no. No, what I mean is this: make her feel safe and then she'll drop her guard and then YOU will be the one in control.
- Jojo: Reverse psychology!
- Adolf: Don't complicate things. Just use my backwards mind power trick, and everything will be fine. [sees watch] Oh, I have to go. We're having unicorn for dinner at my place tonight. Concentrate, Jojo! Remember, a Jew living in your wall is better than two Jews flying around with their bat wings climbing down chimneys and eating innocent Nazis. And don't give her any more knives! Tschüss! [proceeds to jump out of the window]
- Rosie: You've lived more lifetimes than most.
- Elsa: I haven't lived at all.
- Rosie: You're being challenged. They say you can't live, that you won't live. If that comes true, then they win.
- Elsa: They have been winning so far.
- Rosie: They'll never win, that's the power you have. As long as there's someone alive out there somewhere, then they lose. They didn't get you yesterday or today, you make tomorrow the same! Hey. Tomorrow must be the same.
- Roman Griffin Davis — Johannes "Jojo" Betzler
- Thomasin McKenzie — Elsa
- Taika Waititi — Adolf
- Rebel Wilson — Fräulein Rahm
- Stephen Merchant — Deertz
- Alfie Allen — Finkel
- Sam Rockwell — Captain Klenzendorf
- Scarlett Johansson — Rosie Betzler
- Archie Yates — Yorki