Jonas (TV series)

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Jonas L.A. (previously titled JONAS) was a Disney Channel Original Series created by Michael Curtis and Roger S. H. Schulman, starring the Jonas Brothers.

Season 1[edit]

Wrong Song[edit]

Joe: Do you see what I see?
Kevin: A cloud in the shape of a rabbit. Cute.
Joe: No. Lower.
Kevin: A rabbit in the shape of a cloud. Even cuter.

Joe: Nick, you always fall, too hard, too fast. It’s like you meet a girl, and boom, instant love. And boom you get dumped. And boom broken heart. And me and Kevin are there picking up the pieces.
Kevin: Aw, it’s Nick’s broken heart.
Kevin and Joe: (Pretend cries.)
Nick: That happened like, one time.
Kevin and Joe:(In unison.) Six times.

Joe: Look at them so cozy in there.
Kevin: It would just be so rude of us to butt in… Oh we definitely gotta do that.

Dad: Your mother was the twenty third love of my life.
Kevin: No way.
Joe: Wow!
Dad: I was walking down the isle of the school bus and passed twenty-two girls before I saw your mom.

(Nick , Joe, and Kevin in disguise, so they stay low-key at Penny’s performance. Nick is dressed like a undercover detective, Joe is dressed like a Engish gentleman, an eyepiece and French mustache included! And Kevin is wearing a grey hair and a grey mustache.)

Nick: Seriously? How did you get to the oldest?
Kevin: Nick, I’m not really this old. It’s a wig, and mustache taped to my face!

Penny: Oh, sorry! I completely forget. Um, I’d like to dedicate this song to the coolest, sweetest, grooviest guy on the planet. A guys whose heart is filled with music. My soul mate, Jimmy!
Joe: (Eyepiece falls out and lands in drink.)

Groovy Movies[edit]

Dad: Oh, hey. The first Christmas in the firehouse.
Joe: Do you remember when grandma burnt those cookies and we had to call the fire department?
Nick: Yeah, and then our phone rang.
Dad: Man, time goes by so fast.
Joe: (wipes eyes with tissue.)
Nick: Are you crying?
Joe: What? No. A bug flew into my eye.(Looks over at Kevin.) Are you crying?
Kevin: Yes.

Joe: What do you got there?
Kevin: It’s a little extra present for mom. (Pulls box of cake mix out of bag.) It’s a do-it-yourself birthday cake.
Joe: Very classy. (Take box from Kevin.) How about, we make the cake… for her?

Pizza Girl[edit]

Joe: That’s for me! I ordered pizza!
Nick: That’s for me. I ordered pizza.
Kevin: That’s for me, I ordered pizza!

Stella: Okay. If I have to keep making your pants bigger, the world is going to have a denim shortage.

Nick: Have you guys tried sweat pants? There's a lot more... wiggle room.

Joe: I miss her.
Kevin: Enough to sing about?
Nick: Oh yeah.

Kevin: How do you solve a problem like Maria?

Keeping It Real[edit]

Joe: I'll wear a disguise. (Picks up near by bow-tie and puts it on.) It’s okay. It’s still me, Joe!
Stella: Joe you’re a genius!
Joe: I know.
Stella: I bet I could disguise you guys enough to sneak you through the fans.
Kevin: Excellent! I’ll go as Joe, Joe will go as Nick, and Nick will go as me!
Stella: You know that idea is so good, we should save it for the next time we’re stuck somewhere.
Kevin: That's what you said last time.

Joe: (Walks in the room with sunglasses on.) Hey Nick, do these sunglasses make my head look fat?
Nick: No. Your fat head makes your head look fat.

Bands Best Friend[edit]

Dad: Last time I saw you, you were wearing your alien ninja costume. I didn’t think you ever took it off!
Carl: Got it on under the shirt, sir.
Dad: Wear it proudly. You know Joe still wears his dinosaur underwear.
Joe: That was one time... including today.

Macy: I call it a, Joe-tato chip. (Laughs) It was worth every penny.
Stella: Wait. That fifty dollars you borrowed from me was spent on a Joe-tato chip?
Macy: Awesome, right?
Stella: Awesome wrong. I wouldn’t have lent you the money if I knew that’s what you were gonna spend it on.
Macy: Wow. I never realized our friendship came with so many conditions attached.

Stella: Any girl who is the proud owner of a rhinestone incrusted pencil case, should not be criticizing anybody.

Kevin: You read my e-mails?
Carl: Only the ones you’ve opened.
Nick: I told you “Kevin’s password” wasn’t a good password.

Nick: You have something on your head.
Joe: (Reaches for head and take notepaper off his head.) “Guys, I decided to go home early.”
Nick: (Sounding excited.) Carl went home?
Joe: “Sorry this didn’t work out. I know I can be really annoying sometimes.”
Kevin: You can be really annoying, Joe.
Joe: I’m still reading the note.
Kevin: Oh, sorry.
Joe: “The only cool thing about me is that I know you guys.
Kevin: Joe, don’t say that. You have really cool hair.
Joe: Still reading.

Chasing the Dream[edit]

Kevin: I said dogs could hear it. I didn’t say dogs would like it.
Nick: Whose dog was that anyway?
Joe: I don’t know, but he just left a review of Kevin’s guitar playing in the corner.

Nick: She got a frog in her throat.
Kevin: There’s a bug going around.
Nick: No. She was swimming in a swamp and got an actual frog in her throat.

Nick: Didn’t you tell him we don’t have time for songs? Put the guitar down and turn the lights back on.

Nick: Then there’s no symptoms of vertigo of nausea?
Kevin: No, no. I just got really dizzy then I puked.

Fashion Victim[edit]

Kevin: Dude, I think your biggest math problem is, Joe plus trash can equals bonkers. And YES! I said it.

Nick: Ruining all our the clothes, messing up Stella’s date, I think somebody needs to be taught a lesson.
Kevin: If all that fancy talkin’ means having fun with Joe, then I am so in!

Kevin: Joe! She didn’t even notice your outfit!
The Queen of England: Oh, we noticed.
Joe: It was just a joke.
The Queen: We are not amused.
Kevin: Hey Joe, if they throw you in the dungeon, can I have your new guitar?

That Ding You Do[edit]

Joe: Hey, guys, check it out. There's a new How well do you know JONAS quiz? in the new "Teenster"magazine. Let's see how well I know Joe. Yes, no, yes, no, Armadillo. Ah! Five out of five. I'm a real Joe-nut.
Nick: Hey, your favorite snack is not cherry pudding.
'Kevin: Yeah, it's chocolate tacos. (romantic music plays) mmm. And your favorite color is not medium spring green.
Nick: It's electric indigo.
Kevin: We need to straighten Teenster magazine out.
Nick: We should do that.
Kevin: We need to write a letter. Uh, anybody have a pen? (He, Nick and Joe check their pockets.)
Nick: No.
Joe: Hold on. (Walks over to window and opens it. The sound of scream fans flood the place.) Excuse me girls, does anybody have a pen? INCOMING!

(Joe, Nick and Kevin dart behind the bed to avoid the flying pens.)

Joe: Clear.

(The pens landed in the wall in the shape of a heart.)

Joe: Wow! Our fans are the best.
Nick: And they’re freakishly accurate.

(Kevin walks over to the pens in the shaped of a heart and he takes out from the wall)

Kevin: Dear, Teenster Magazine.

Macy: As president of the JONAS fan club, I'm trying to decide to which new JONAS picture to post on the JONAS fan club website? Help me pick?
Stella: Yes!
Macy: Okay, pouty and intense JONAS or goofy and adorable JONAS?
'Stella: Ms. Sherman just barfed all over her desk and went home sick. No algebra test today!
'Macy: You weren't even listening to me.
Stella: Um, I don't have to listen to you because you say the same thing every day. JONAS, JONAS, JONAS. You can't go two seconds without talking about them.
Macy: Well we all have our obsessions... except for JONAS. They are so mentally fit.
Stella: I don't have any obsessions.
Macy: What are you talking about? Look at you. You're addicted to texting. Your thumbs are turning into tiny sumo wrestlers.
Stella: Really?
'Macy: Mm-hmm
Stella: I'm not addicted to texting. In fact, I bet I could go longer without texting than you could go talking about JONAS
Macy: Bet?
Stella: And the winner?
Macy: Wins.
Stella: You're on. Starting in five seconds.

Joe: Oh! Look at her. Have you ever seen anyone so beautiful? Look at how she plays. Such passion!
Joe: Punch me in the arm so I know I’m not dreaming.
Nick: (Punches Joe in the arm very hard.)
Joe: (Grunts) Not dreaming cause that really hurt.
Kevin: Unless you're dreaming that it really hurt.
Nick: (Punches Kevin in the arm very hard.) Did that dream-hurt or regular-hurt?
Kevin: (Mumbles) Not a dream-hurt.

(Nick and Kevin walk away from Joe)

Joe: Hi.
Angelina: Hi.
Joe: Can I carry that for you?
Angelina: Sure.
'Joe: (grunting) Have you ever considered a forklift? So, what's your name?
Angelina: Angelina.
'Joe: Angelina, like angel with an "ina" on the end.
Angelina: Yeah. My mom calls me Annie-bug. My little sister calls me Annie bu-banny. But most people call me Angie. What's your name?
Joe: Really?
Angelina: Well, you know mine.
Joe: Joseph. Joe for short. My brothers call me danger. My mom calls me Joe-bear. But let's keep that between us because I don't want that leaking to the media.
Angelina: The media? Oh! I know who you are. You're one of those brothers in that band that goes here.

(Kevin spies on Joe and Angelina while holding the book upside down but Nick stops Kevin from spying on Joe and Angelia then Nick is also spying on Joe and Angelina with his notebook)

Joe: Yup, JONAS me, Kevin and Nick. The guys staring right at us. (Joe points to Kevin and Nick then Angelina sees Joe's brothers so Kevin hides behind his locker and Nick waves at Angelina and she waves back) So do you want to grab something to eat sometime?
Angelina: No thanks. I don't go out with rockstars.
Joe: Why? Don't you eat?
Angelina: Look, you're famous. You have a posse. You probably played to thousands of screaming fans.
Joe: Tens of thousands. Isn't that cool?
Angelina: Not really. I just don't go out with rock star types.
Joe: But I'm a nice rock star type.
'Angelina: I have orchestra. (Bell rings and she leaves to her class)
Joe: (Sad) Okay. Bye.

(Kevin and Nick walk to Joe)

Kevin: So you're going out with cello girl.
Joe: No, she says because I'm a rock star, I must be some kind of jerk.
Nick: What? In my experience, girls like guys because they're rock stars.
Kevin: Sometimes, I wonder if that's the only reason girls like me. Well, that and my boyish charm. (Kevin's teeth dings and Nick shakes his head)
Joe: Guys, this is serious. I think I like her.
Kevin: Like really like her like her.?
Joe: Like really like her like her.
Kevin: Really?
Joe: Like yeah!
'Kevin: Whoa.
Nick: Then we'll help you show the sweet, down to earth panda-loving guy you really are
Joe: I do love pandas
Kevin: I love koalas. (sighs) They're so emo, and they eat all that eucalyptus so their breath is so minty fresh!
Joe Unlike yours.
Kevin What? (Nick unwraps a peppermint candy for Kevin's smelly breath and Nick toss it in Kevin's mouth)
Nick: Trust me.

(Nick and Joe walk away from Kevin)

Kevin: I don't smell anything.

Macy: I saw this excellent new Jo-
Stella: I'm sorry. JONAS What?

(Elevator dings then Macy and Stella enter the elevator)

Macy: Jo-ging suit. You know for when I go jo-ging. I love those t-shirts saw Ni-
Stella: Ni-who?
Macy: Ni-body. Mm-hmm.
Stella: It's just a matter of time before you say something about JONAYS
Macy: It's pronounced JO- Oh, nice try. How is this easy for you? I bet you're closet-texting.
Stella: No1 I just happen to have willpower and just to ease your suspicious mind, why don't you hold onto this.
Macy: You're gonna break.
Stella: Nuh-uh! Without my little phone screen to stare at.
Macy: Hmm
Stella: I am seeing much more of the world and it is beautiful. Macy, you have brown eyes and a little something in your teeth. Right there.

(Macy is removing something from her teeth)

(Joe is at his locker. Kevin and Nick who are at the staircase waiting Angelina to come)

Nick: (Closes the book) Okay, if we see Angelina, we give Joe the signal.
Kevin: What if the signal is we stand completely still?
Nick: What kind of signal is that?
Kevin: The best kind because it's so subtle. No one will even know that it's happening.
Nick: Is that the signal? Is she coming? (He turns around if he sees Angelina then he looks at Kevin)
Kevin: No, I am just demonstrating.
Nick: How am I supposed to know the difference between the signal and when you're just standing still.
Kevin: True. Hmm. Okay, when I do this... is when I give the signal which is this.

(Angelina is walking by and she didn't notice Joe's brothers. Then, Nick shakes his head at Kevin.

(Angelina is at her locker then she opens it and finds the Teenster magazine)

Angelina: How did this magazine get in my locker?

(Joe walks by and he walks up to her.)

Joe: I have no idea. (A montage of Joe is shown trying to put the magazine in the locker by shoving it, then by using the baseball bat, then by using a hammer and a garden shovel while wearing goggles and then with a toothpick and it successfully enters the locker so he leaves happily.) But take a look on the cover says "Joe of JONAS. A regular guy there's a picture of me bowling in rental shoes, size 9 regular.
Angelina: Regular people don't have have their faces on the cover of magazines.

(He drops the magazine then Stella and Macy walk by)

Joe: Stella! This is my friend, Stella. We've been best friends since I was three. Stella, can you tell her what a regular I am?
Stella: Macy, why don't you tell her?
Macy: I--I-- I don't know who you are, mister. I don't know that you're a giant rock star and wear size 9 regular bowling shoes. Leave me alone!
Stella: Classic Macy, I can't to tell-- no phone. (whispers) No life.
Joe: This isn't going well for me, is it?
Angelina: Look, Joe, last year I went out with a guy who was also a star. He was a champion mathlete and all I would do was replace the batteries in his calculators and sharpen his pencils.
Joe: I would never be like that. I hate calculators and I don't have a pencil.

(The sound of screaming fans flood the place so Joe and Angelina duck for cover to avoid the flying pencils.)

Angelina: I just don't think it wouldn't work out between us. (She closes her and leaves)
Joe: But I like like you.

Joe: Look, Amy from Boise writes, "Joe, even though we've never met, I know you're a very kind and generous person". And look she would know because she signs it xoxo-xoxo, heart, heart, smiley face.
Nick: Joe, I know you like Angelina, but she's just one girl, okay? Unless she has an identical twin, in which case she is mistaken and I apologize
Kevin: And dude, it is time to move on!
Joe: I don't want to move on. I've never met a girl like her. She's passionate, talented and beautiful.
Tom: So who's passionate, talented and beautiful besides your mother? (chuckles) (whispers) She could hear everything through those holes
Joe: This girl at school, she thinks because I'm a rock star, I must be some kind of jerk.
Tom: Your mom and I worked very hard, so you wouldn't turn into some kind of rock star jerk. All right? If I do say so myself, I think we've done pretty well with all you boys.
Joe: It's just she won't come within a mile of me.
'Tom: No, she won't come within a mile of the person who thinks you are, not who you are, because who you are, not the person she thinks who you are, is who thinks you really
Joe: What?
Tom: You're not a jerk, all right? Just be yourself and she'll realize she's wrong, okay? Even if you do just the littlest thing, a woman will appreciate it. (loudly) Because women are perspective, sensitive and intelligent.
Nick: Dad, mom's at the park with Frankie.
Tom: Oh, yeah, that's right. (loudly) Nevermind.

Mr. Phelps: Fortissimo.

(Joe enters the classroom)

Joe: Excuse me. Hi, I'd like to join the orchestra.
Mr. Phelps: I'm sorry, I don't allow late adds to the orchestra. You'll get no v.i.p treatment here, young man. Unless.
Joe: Unless?
Mr. Phelps: Well, there is one particular percussion instrument for which I've trying to find a sucker (chuckles) candidate.
Joe: Lay it on me. They don't call me danger for nothing.

(Blue Danube plays and Joe goes to Angelina)

Angelina: (whispers) What are you doing here?
Joe: I just came over to say hi. Hi
Angelina: Did you join the orchestra, just so you could flirt with me.
Joe: Of course not.
Angelina: It's one thing to ask me out in the hallway and not take no for an answer but I'm serious about my music and you're interrupting the whole orchestra. I don't want to go out with you!
Joe: Man, I wish that song was three seconds longer.

(Nick and Kevin enter the classroom and Kevin signals Joe to go to them)

Nick: What's the emergency?
Joe: This is not working. I joined orchestra and Angelina hates me even more for it.
Kevin: I guess we're gonna have to talk you up in front of her, (loudly) tell her how awesome of a guy you are! I didn't do that right, did I?
Nick: No.
Mr. Phelps: Excuse me, the only annoying noise, I allow in here is by the orchestra.
Nick: Cool, in that case sign us up. (Joe and Kevin look at him) Trust me.
Mr. Phelps: Really? All three professional musicians want to to join my orchestra on the same day. Is this a joke or? Oh, I get it. I get it. I'm being punk'd right? Oh, I'll play along. What do you guys want to play?
Nick: Anything by Mozart would be nice.
Kevin: Oh, if we could stay away from "Peter and the Wolf. Wolves scare me and I'm not so sure about that Peter either.
Mr. Phelps: I meant which instruments?
Kevin: Oh, that.
Nick: Oh, yeah, okay.

(Kevin is playing a trombone but the slide knocked Mr. Phelps to the wall and Kevin chuckled nervously. Kevin tried to play the drum but the drumstick went through the drum then he, Joe and Nick looked at the drum. Mr. Phelps facepalmed. Then Nick gives Kevin a guitar to try)

Nick: Here try this one. Remember, it's a side with the strings on it.
Kevin:(chuckles) Yeah.

(Nick, Joe, Mr. Phelps and the orchestra are amazed at Kevin because he successfully played the guitar)

Mr. Phelps: Yeah, hey, um... you're in.
Kevin: Whew!
Mr. Phelps: Everybody make room for Kevin. Come on everybody, slide down. Move.
Kevin: Well, cello there. See what I did? I put "hello" and "cello" together. Joe's a really great guy.
Mr. Phelps: How about you? What can you play?
Nick: What have you got?
Mr. Phelps: Piano.
Nick: This one goes out to Angelina in the strings section. My bro, he’s the kindest guy that I know, he likes to take things slow, he’s just a regular Joe.
Mr. Phelps: Welcome to the orchestra.
Nick: Huh. Thank you. I'll be here all period.
Mr. Phelps: All right. All right. Settle down, people. Settle down. As you know the school recital is coming up and our version of "The Blue Danube" sounds like cats in wet cement. Yes, I'm looking at you, violins. So if we could please just get through it once with no one hurting themselves. And... four years of dentistry school down the tubes.

(An upset Joe is shown with thirty empty milk cartons in front of him then Nick and Kevin walk up to him)

Nick: 30's your limit, bro. I'm cutting you off.
Joe: Don't count, man! That's not cool.

(Stella enters)

Stella: Hey, guys. What's up?
Kevin: Did you bring the stuff?
Stella: What stuff? Send.
Kevin: Joe is in crisis mode. I texted you over an hour ago. I needed you to bring the rainbow sprinkled donuts and the coffee flavored ice cream.
'Stella: Texting texting-- That's all anybody ever talks or texts about! Don't you realize there are other ways of communicating with me? Try writing me a note for a change! Huh? Huh?

(Nick is writing a note for Stella then he gives her the note to read)

Stella: "Stop yelling at us." (laughing and gives the notepad back to Nick) I'm fine. Everything's fine. Sorry about the yelling. Ice cream and donuts, coming right up.
Nick: Stella, you do realize you do not have a cell phone in your hands, right?
Stella: I may not have a cell phone, but at least I have my sanity. Send. (she leaves and Nick sits on the stool across from Joe)
Joe: I only joined the orchestra so I could impress Angelina, but we just made things worse.
Kevin: We?
Nick: Joe, music is the one thing that you and Angelina both love. Show her how passionate you are and she'll come around.
Joe: How can I show her my passion for music with this? (picks up the triangle and plays it)
Nick: All right. Let's not be so quick to judge the triangle. In many ways you and the triangle are a lot alike.
Kevin: Three-sided? Made of metal? Really annoying?
Nick: No, disrespected. Put down!

(Joe and Nick stand up and they put their arms together and they look at Kevin)

Joe: Misunderstood!
Nick: Right.
Kevin: Yeah, totally! And he's made of metal?

Mr. Phelps: Tonight's the big recital and I'm only in a semi-sweat. With any luck, we'll be able to fill a whole row in the auditorium.

(Kevin, Joe and Nick ran into the classroom with the lyric sheets and Kevin unfolds his small stack of lyric sheets)

Nick: Mr. Phelps, we've made a couple of adjustments to "The Blue Danube"
Mr. Phelps: Whoa! A few adjustments to "The Blue Danube" on the night of the concert.
Nick: We were wondering if the orchestra could give it a try.
Mr. Phelps: Oh, what the heck, they can't fire me. The principal's my mommy. Go ahead. Hand them out. Let's try it. It can't be worse than what we've got. Instruments, up here. Here we go. And...

Joe: I rock the triangle so hard. You're welcome.
Nick: Cello girl, 4:00
Angelina: Hi, Joe.
Joe: Hi
Angelina: Your solo was amazing. Sorry I was kind of a snob there.
Joe: Do snobs eat chocolate tacos? We're gonna go grab some.
Angelina: Chocolate tacos? They're my favorite!
Joe: Mine too.

(A thought bubble of chocolate tacos appear above Joe and Angelina)

Kevin: They're not your favorite. They're my favorite.

(Joe punched Kevin in the stomach)

Kevin: Remember what Teenster magazine said?

(Nick also punched Kevin)

Kevin: Never mind. It hurts too much to care.

(Nick puts his arm around Kevin and they walked off followed by Joe and Angelina to grab food)

(Macy walks down the stairs)

Nick: What's up, Macy?
Macy: It's--it's--the boys who shall not be named. J-J--J-J--J--
Nick: J--J
Joe: What? What? What?

(Stella runs like the wind to take her cell phone from Macy's bag and Macy realize that she is not holding her bag)

Stella: I can't take it anymore! Yes! Yes! Good. Texting Good! O.M.G.! Oh, I'm here, baby. Mama's here. I'll never leave you again.

(Macy is surprised that Stella is texting and Macy walks up to Stella)

Macy: You're texting! You're texting!
Stella: Yeah, I cracked, okay? You win! Just leave us alone. (she leaves)
Macy: I can talk. I can talk. JONAS. JONAS. JONAS. Joe of JONAS, can you sign my program from last night's performance?
Joe: Sure, why not? Does anybody have a pen? (he checks his pockets)

(girls shrieking)

Joe: Oops.
Kevin, Joe and Nick: Run!

Complete Repeat[edit]

(crowd cheering for Kevin, Joe and Nick at an arena but they aren't playing a song)

Kevin: Psst. What's wrong, bro?)
Joe: Nick, play the new song you wrote. (tells Nick play the new song)
Nick: I couldn't come up with a new song!
Kevin and Joe: What?

(the crowd gasps and a man coughs) (crowd jeering then the crowd leaves)

Nick: No! (He has a bad dream so he screams which makes Joe and Kevin wake up from their sleep and Joe is protecting himself with a guitar)
Kevin: The monkeys! Aw! (Grunting) Hyah! (pulls up his eye mask just a little bit)
Nick: Guys, it's all me. Bad dream. (Kevin and Joe sigh)
Kevin: About the new song?
Nick: Yeah.
Joe: Were we wearing underwear and birthday hats?
Kevin: You were wearing that too?
Nick: Not this time. Everyone back to bed. (he tells Kevin and Joe to go back to sleep then he goes back to his bed)
Kevin: Okay. (he walks to his bed) Oh, guys, can someone turn on the relaxation CD?
Joe: Sure. (he stands on his bed and he turns on a nature CD)
Kevin: How am I supposed to fall asleep to that.
Joe: It's the wrong one.

(Kevin and Joe go back to sleep and he claps to turn off the lights)

(Nick tries to write a new song but he can't so he crumbled the paper down the pole where the other crumbled papers are shown) (Downstairs, Joe is playing with his remote controlled car and he picks it up)

Joe: Nick's never had writer's block before. It's been three weeks and he hasn't written anything.
Kevin: I know what we can do. We can introduce him to a girl, make him fall in love with that girl, make the girl break up with him. Broken heart, brand new song! Unless that would be totally wrong.
Joe: Yeah, that would be pretty wrong. (Kevin and Frankie are setting up the table)
Frankie:(holds the guitar) Nick out. Frankie in.
Joe: Frankie, that's plan B. (Frankie walks away the guitar)
Kevin: Maybe C.

(Tom walks downstairs and asks if Nick has a song)

Tom: Has he got a song yet?
Kevin: Well is dry, dad.
Tom: Well, if he doesn't come up with a song by the end of the day tomorrow, we can't get the album done on time.
Joe: (talking about Nick and his writer's block) What if he can't write anymore? What if he can't write another song for as long as he lives?
Nick: What if he can hear you?
Joe: Then that would be pretty embarrassing for all of us!
Nick: Don't worry, okay? I've got my song-writing shoes on.(He shines his shoes) I wore these babies when I wrote our first number-one hit and our second number-one hit.

(Nick slides down the pole and unknowningly steps into a bucket of spackle that dries quicker)

Tom: Ooh, I am so sorry about that. I forgot I left that there.
Nick: What is this stuff?
Tom: Oh, it's quick-dry spackle. Now with "quicker quick dry". Mmm.

(Nick tries to walk to the table with the bucket of spackle with his leg is still encased to it)

Tom: Yeah
Kevin: Um... I think we can help you, Nick. Just grab him. (Grunts) One, two, three! All the fun stuff happens to you.

(Joe holds Nick while Kevin tries to free Nick from the bucket of spackle but the bucket came off instead of spackle)

Joe: So, Nick, you think you can write that song, today. Maybe? You could write about really anything. Doesn't have to be about relationships.
Nick: Look!
Joe: It could be about animals or trees or plants. (he walks to the table and Kevin walks to Nick)
Nick: Joe, I appreciate the concern, but would be really nice not to mention the new song at all.
Kevin: You got it! (He pours Crunchy Cats into Nick's bowl and Nick is annoyed at Kevin) How about a little bit of new song. I mean, new song. Oh, um, you want more new song? How about some Crunchy Cats cereal with a brand-new-good-morning taste of some new song? (He walks away with his hand over his mouth)
Nick: Can you pass the milk?

(Joe puts the milk on his remote controlled truck and he drives it fast to Nick and it spilled milk on Nick's pants)

Joe: Oh, sorry about that. Let me give you a towel.

(He bends down and picks another remote controlled vehicle to give the towel to Nick) (Nick stops the toy with his hand and takes the towel)

(Kevin, Joe and Nick are at school and other students are laughing at Nick)

Joe: Where you headed?
Nick: Art class to get a chisel. The whole school is laughing at me. (He leaves with his guitar)
Kevin: It's okay. It's not the whole school.

(Nick is sitting in the art classroom alone but he is still trying to write a song then Stella enters)

'Stella: Hey.
Nick: The song will be done when it's done. I'm sorry. It's just that everybody's been on my case all day.
Stella: Yeah, I know. I heard about your block.
Nick: Yeah, I got it off with a chisel. (he picks it up)
Stella: I meant your writer's block.
Nick: What if I really can't write again? What if it's over for me? Well, I'm 16, I had a good run.
Stella: It's not over. I mean, all artists have blocks. Besides, I brought something might help. Ooh! Taa-daa!(She takes out a jacket from her bag)
Nick: Wow.
Stella: You like it? Embroidered all by hand. Don't even ask me how long it took.
Nick: Okay.
Stella: 11 hours! No bathroom breaks. And do you know why? Because I believe in you.
Nick: Thank you. That means a lot.
Stella: Well, come on, aren't you gonna try it on?
Nick: Yeah. (he tries on his jacket)
Stella: I mean, I don't know, I thought it might inspire you. (she gasps) I am amazing.
Nick: It's awesome. (Stella giggles)
Stella: Well, that's why I make the big bucks. (she picks up her bag) Mention that to your dad, because he pays me and I don't actually make the big bucks. (then she leaves)

(The embroidered guitar on Nick's jacket starts to unravel and it continues to unravel as as he goes around the room and he notices it)

Nick: Oh no! I'm coming apart the seams.(he runs out of the classroom to find Stella in the hallway and he sees her walking up the stairs but she doesn't hear him yelling for her)
Nick: Stella! (the elevator dings so Nick enters it and his guitar's neck breaks as the elevator closes and the other half of the lands on the other side of the elevator then he and Amy are shocked)
Amy: Ouch.
Nick: I can't believe I broke Lucille Jr's. neck.
Amy: Um, you know Nick, I'm always telling my friend Jules how cute I think you are, which I do. And she's always just like, "Amy ask him out". So I am. How about we get something to eat or something after school?
Nick: I would love to. Um, but I'm kind of busy today.
Amy: Oh, that's what I figured. You probably have girls asking you out every five minutes.
Nick: If I didn't have to write a song--
Amy: You don't have to make up some lame excuse, I can handle just a plain no. (she leaves the elevator)
Nick: But it-- (he walks out of the elevator but he turns around to take his jacket and one of sleeve is torn by it but he gasps as Stella realized that the jacket is ripped)
Stella: Oh no, you didn't.
Nick: Stella, I am so sorry. The jacket got caught on a nail and the sleeve got stuck in the elevator. I know you can fix it, though. (he gives the jacket back to her)
Stella: Sure. (she rips the sleeves of Nick's shirt which he notices and she takes the jacket from him then she storms off angrily)
Nick: So we're good?

(Nick is at the atrium and he is still having a hard time to write songs on his guitar then Kevin enters the atrium)

Kevin: It's so nice in here. Oh, the sunshine and the birds singing. Not that I'm thinking of songs or-- or anything.

(Joe also enters the atrium)

Joe: Nick, please tell me you got something. Please please please. (he and Kevin walk closer to Nick but he doesn't want to be bothered)
Nick: Guys, I'm trying to write here. (A bird pooped on the guitar)
Joe: That's supposed to be very lucky.

(A bird then dropped poop on Nick)

Nick: How am I supposed to wash this off?

(A sound of thunder is heard at the atrium then rain is pouring on Nick so Joe and Kevin ran back inside and Joe and Kevin are worried about Nick, who then protects himself from the rain via his guitar)

(Nick is at the bedroom trying to write songs on the keyboard then Kevin and Joe enter by eyeballing him)

Nick: It's hard enough to write after having the worst day of my life. And you eyeballing me doesn't help. (Nick looks at Joe then he continues to write songs)
Kevin: What does make the worst day of a life? Let's reflect.
Nick: Get out. (he angrily tells his brothers to leave the bedroom)
Joe: Fine. You don't have to be so mean.

(Kevin and Joe walk away from Nick to go their fire poles to watch Nick write songs by hanging on their fire poles but Nick can't concentrate because his brothers are still watching him so Nick wants them to leave the bedroom)

Nick: Guys.
Kevin: I'm--I'm going.
Joe: We're gone.

(Frustrated, Nick walks away from his area to turn on the tv to watch but a moment later he falls asleep on the ottoman while his foot and his fingers are tapping to the tune of Crunchy Cats then he wakes up excitedly, runs back to his area after hearing the song)

TV: Now a message from Crunchy cats! Crunchy crunchy, meow meow meow
Nick: I've got it. I've got the song. I've got a new song! I dreamt an awesome song.(Joe, Kevin and Tom run upstairs after they heard that Nick has a new song)
Joe: Great!
Tom: You're my son again. Let's hear this.
Nick: I can't remember it. I can't remember the song. (He stares at the keyboard blankly)
Tom: (laughing) Come on-- there's only 88 keys here. Nick, just hit one. Here, how about-- Was that note in it? How about this note? Does this note ring a bell? This note? Nick? This note? How about one of these black ones. These are weird.

(Kevin walks to Tom to get him to leave the keyboard and Nick alone)

Kevin: Dad, dad! Step away from the keyboard.
Tom: That's the one! (points to a black key as Kevin pulls him away) Okay, I'm sorry. Everything's good. I'm gonna be downstairs not freaking out. Just relaxing. Nick, do this thing. (Tom is heard crying downstairs and Kevin is walking down the steps and he is going to sleep on the ottoman)
Joe: Nick? Don't worry about dad. He doesn't know how to chill.
Nick: I can't believe the song's gone.
Joe: It can't be gone! (He walks to Nick and grabs his arm to pull him away from the chair) We have one day. Go back to bed.
Nick: What?
Joe: Go back to sleep. Dream it again.
Nick: I can't-- I can't just dream it again.

(Joe and Nick are walking down together to the armchairs where Kevin is sleeping peacefully)

Joe: Come on! Say goodnight and goodbye, la la la la. Kevin, help me out here! Kevin!
Kevin: Ahh! I'm up. I'm up.
Joe: What are we gonna do? We need to get this song back.
Nick: I can't just dream it again.
'Kevin: Sure you can. Okay, One time I had this dream about a lemur feeding me chocolate pudding. And of course, I wanted to dream it again.
Joe: Well, who wouldn't?
Kevin: So I repeated everything exactly the same way, it happened to me all day long. And then sure enough, I went to sleep and boom! (sighs) The lemur was surprised to see me again.
Nick: I'm not repeating this awful day. (he stands up)
Joe: Even if you'll dream the song again?
Nick: So you're saying Kevin had a good idea?
Joe: It was bound to happen eventually.
Kevin: Thanks, bro.

(He hugs Joe then Joe stops Kevin from hugging him)

Nick: Okay. I will repeat the worst day of my life for the sake of this band.
Joe: That's more like it. I'm proud of you. (he gives Nick a pat on the chest)

(Nick sits back down to go back to sleep but he wakes up annoyed when Kevin pours a cup of milk on Nick's pants)

Kevin: I just wanted to get a head start.

Kevin: Okay, here's a list of all the horrible things that happened to Nick yesterday. Now it's our job to make sure they all happen again.
Joe: Spackle bucket. (Nick slides down the pole and steps into the bucket of spackle)
'Kevin: Check. You never know, it could have been the landing into the bucket that led into the dream that led to the song, Nick.
Nick: That's what I figured. That's why today I wore your favorite shoes. (Nick shows Kevin that he is wearing Kevin's favorite shoes)
Kevin: Not my lucky loafers!
Tom: Okay, look, I appreciate you guys doing this to try to make the deadline, but don't go overboard, okay? (talking to Kevin and Joe about Nick) Stay on him. Wring him like a damp washcloth if you gotta.

(Joe drives his remote controlled car with milk carton on the back of it to Nick, who is sitting on the other side of the table)

Joe: Milk, check.
Kevin: Check.
Nick: We covered this one last night.
Joe: Yes, we did, but it didn't count because it was last night and it was Kevin and it was low-fat.(Nick picks up a spoon to hit Joe then Nick bends the spoon instead hitting Joe with it) Don't hit me because you didn't hit me yesterday.

Stella: Hey. I fixed the jacket. Look, I know it was an accident, so try it on. Any luck with song-writing?
Nick: Actually, I wrote a song in a dream I had last night.
Stella: Hey.
'Nick: Then I forgot it. So in order to have the same dream again, I have to repeat everything I did yesterday.
Stella: Kevin's idea?
Nick: Yeah.
Stella: It actually makes sense.
Nick: It was bound to happen eventually. (he starts to tear apart the seams)
Stella: Well, the only thing you did yesterday, I could remember was ruin my jacket. No! no no no No! No! (she takes back the jacket)
Nick: I'm sorry. It's for the band.

(Stella is about to leave the classroom but Joe blocks her from leaving)

Joe: Stella, it's for the band. (Stella goes to other door but Kevin is blocking her way)
Kevin: What they said.
Stella: Look, an aardvark. (she distracts Kevin)
Kevin: I'm not gonna fall for that one.(he and Stella have a staring contest with each other then he falls for her trick and she leaves the classroom while he is distracted)
Kevin: But he's probably cute.
Joe: Kevin!
Kevin: I can't believe I fell it again.
Nick: Go!

(Joe, Nick and Kevin are going after Stella but they can't find her so Kevin goes upstairs and Nick goes another direction to try find her then Kevin finds her but she runs away from the three members of JONAS) (Kevin, Joe and Nick chasing her then Joe is using sign language to find Stella but Nick can't get what Joe is mouthing about so he shows a picture of Stella with the arrow to Nick then Joe points to her location which Nick gets it) (Kevin, Joe and Nick ran to the atrium with Stella)

Joe: Check.
Kevin: Stop! (he wants Nick to be pooped by the birds) Go! (Kevin, Joe, Nick and Stella runs from the atrium)

(Stella exits the elevator to see if Kevin, Joe and Nick are around then she sees them)

Joe: Boo!
Stella: No! No! Nobody is gonna rip this jacket except me. (she rips the jacket instead of Kevin, Joe and Nick)
Kevin: There's one more thing. (he starts to unravel the seams)
Nick: Sorry, Stell, we have to repeat everything.
Stella: Well, in that case...(she rips Nick's shirt sleeves again and she takes one of his shirt sleeves then she storms off)
Nick: So we're good now?
Joe: Check.

Nick: This'll just take a sec. (he puts Lucille Jr's neck in between the elevator doors so it can break again) Sorry. (he wants Amy to ask him out again) I need you to ask me out again.
Amy: What?
Nick: Please ask me out.
Amy: You want me to ask you out?
Nick: Please.
Amy: Okay. Um, Nick, how and I go out tonight?
Nick: I have to say no.
Amy: What?
Nick: Let me explain. Yesterday, I dreamt a song, but then I forgot what I dreamt. So today I have to do everything that I did yesterday so I can have the same dream so I can remember the same song. I'm sure you can understand that. (he leaves the elevator with the beverage that Amy poured on him) She did not understand that.

Joe: Are you sure you broke the guitar? (he looks at the list while Kevin is eating cereal)
Nick: Yeah! (he replies to Joe while he washes off in the bathroom)
Joe: Okay, looks like we've covered everything on the list. (Joe puts the clipboard on the ottoman then he picks up the blanket) (Nick enters the bedroom he then walks to the armchair that he was sitting on yesterday and Joe puts the blanket on him)
Kevin: All that you have to do now is go back to sleep and dream that awesome song. But, you know, no pressure.
Joe: Nick, don't worry if have to cancel the tour and the album. You know, we can always find different jobs like a stuntman or a hand model. (looks at his hand)
Kevin: Ooh.
Nick: Not helping. (he goes to sleep)
Kevin: Do you want my eye mask? (he offers Nick the eye mask)
Nick: No. (talks while sleeping)
Kevin: How about a foot rub? (Kevin offers to give Nick a foot massage)
Nick: How about a face punch? (he wakes up to give Kevin a punch in the face)
Kevin: Looks like somebody need a nap. (Nick goes back to sleep)
Joe: I can smell it. It's a hit song. (he and Kevin are near Nick's face)
Kevin: It's just sizzling inside his brain.
Nick: I can't sleep with you guys staring at me. (he wakes up to find that Kevin and Joe are on both sides of him)
Joe: Sorry, Nick. Kevin, stop staring at him. (he and Kevin leave Nick alone)
TV: We'll be right back after this message from Crunchy Cats. Crunchy crunchy, meow meow meow...
Nick: Oh no! (he wakes up after hearing the tune)
TV : Crunchy crunchy, meow meow meow...

(Kevin and Joe are hanging to their poles and they climbed to the bedroom)

Joe: What's wrong?
Nick: That's the tune.
Kevin: What's the tune?
Nick: Crunchy cats. (picks up the cereal box then drops it and he runs to his area with Kevin and Joe)
Kevin: What?
Joe: What?
Nick: Ahh! The song that I wrote in my dream.
Kevin,: You mean, it's already on the television? You are amazing!
Nick: I must have heard it in my sleep and then dreamt I wrote it.
'Kevin: You've got to be kidding.
Nick: Ahh!
Joe: No way.
Nick: I can't believe the awesome song I thought I wrote turns out to be "Crunchy Cats."
Joe: We're toast.
Nick: I repeated every horrible thing that happened to me yesterday. I did it all again and I got nothing. (he decides to throw Mr. Bumbles but Kevin won't let Nick do that)
Kevin: NO! Not Mr. Bumbles. Take it out on the keyboard! It's okay (he pets the teddy bear)
Nick: No song, no album, no tour. (he bangs the keyboard feeling angry)
Joe: That's it.
Kevin: Get madder! Come on.
Joe: Yeah.
Nick: I did it all again and I got nothing I did it all again and I got nothing... I did it all again and I got nothing I did it all again and I got nothing yeah
Tom: Woo hoo! Great song! Oh, studio, album, back on! (he imitates gunshots) That was a little over the top. Sorry. Just have been a nervous wreak all week. (he laughs)
Joe: All it took was Nick getting really angry and we got an awesome song.
Nick: Now all I have to do is apologize to Stella for the jacket and Amy for making her asking me out twice. You guys with me? (He, Joe and Kevin are going to slide down the poles then Joe and Kevin got their leg stuck in a spackle bucket)
Joe: Yeah.
Kevin: Absolutely.
Tom: You wrote that down somewhere, right?

(Kevin, Joe and Nick at the school hallway)

Nick: I thought maybe you guys dream the next song. Good luck with the rest of your day, gentlemen.
Kevin: I love spackle! Ahh!

Kevin: Yeah, and it was so awesome how much chocolate pudding there was and of course, it was just a dream.
Joe: Kevin's point that everything Nick told you about having to repeat his day was totally true.
Kevin: Yeah, it wasn't some lame excuse, of trying to get out of going on a date with you.
Amy: Really?
Nick: The truth is, I'd love to go out with you.
Amy: Then ask me out.
Nick: Really? Okay, um, would you like to go out on a date with me?
'Amy: I'm gonna say no. (she exits the elevator) But, ask me again tomorrow.
Nick: Really?
Amy: We'll see. (she walks away from the elevator)
Nick: This is starting out to be a good day.

(the elevator closes with Kevin, Joe and Nick inside it)

Joe: Oh! Oh no!

Love Sick[edit]

(Nick is at the lockers reading a book then Joe walks up to him)

Joe: Hey, Nick, have you seen Kevin? I wanna trade my tuna fish sandwich for his tuna fish sandwich.
Nick: What's the difference? They're both tuna fish. (he puts a book back in his locker)
Joe: I sat on mine. (shows Nick the flattened sandwich and Joe shakes his head) I'll tell him it's grilled.
Nick: He's at a pep-squad meeting getting ready for the big game on Saturday.(he shakes his head) He's really gotten into it.
Joe : Kevin? He's a rocker. He would never get into something that corny.
Kevin:(he enters by doing a flip and the megaphone is thrown to him and he catches the megaphone then speaks via it) Attention, Horace Mantis Academy!(Joe and Nick are looking at Kevin) Come show your mantis pride by coming to the big game this Saturday!
Cheerleaders: (they enter) We got the moves all over you
Kevin: It's almost unfair
Cheerleaders: Surrender to the mantis
Kevin: You haven't got a prayer
Cheerleaders and Kevin: Go, mantis! (Joe shakes his head and Nick claps)
Nick: (turns to Joe) Wow, you were right. Talk about corny. Wonder why he's gotten so into this cheerleading thing.

(Kevin and the cheerleaders hugging while walking past Joe and Nick)

Kevin: I just wish I had longer arms.
Joe: Nick, I'm surprised at you. Where's your school spirit? Hey, girls, wait up. Surrender to the mantis, something something something! (follows the cheerleaders and he leaves Nick alone)

(Stella enters the bedroom after Kevin, Joe and Nick finished rehearsing "Lovesick")

Stella: Whoo! You guys, that sounded so awesome. Okay, wardrobe's all set.
Nick That's great. Everything is be perfect for Saturday morning.
Stella: I think it is so cool that you guys are performing on "Great Morning USA" live right here from the firehouse.
Kevin: Yeah, and Dad said there were gonna be a million people watching all at the same time. That has to be a huge TV.
Stella: Yep. Oh! What is this? You guys invited to Jacques Le Fajette's spring preview? He's like my fashion designing idol. Please tell me you're going and please tell me you're taking me with you.
Joe: Who wants to see a bunch of dudes who look like they haven't slept in months stumble down a runway? No thank you.
Stella: Guys, um, this is the spring preview for women's fashions. That means there's gonna be, like 50 of the most beautiful women in the world there.
Joe: I'm there.
Nick: Yeah, Who said I wasn't going?
Kevin: I've always been interested in women's fashion, since about three seconds ago.
Nick: When is it?
Stella: Tuesday, 6:00 p.m.
Nick: Can't go. That's the day I mix the final tracks for the record. It's the only day we could lock in the studio. Sorry.
Stella: It's okay.
Kevin: I can't go either. We have cheerleading practice on the trampolines.
Stella: Wait, can't you go anyway because--
Kevin: Trampolines.
Stella: Well, it looks like, it's just you and me. Do you wanna grab a bite or something before?
Joe: Cool.
Stella: Bye. (she leaves)
Nick: Pretty exciting, Joe. Your first date with Stella.
Kevin: Aw, we're really happy for you two crazy kids.
Joe: It's not a date. We're all going to the fashion show together, except you guys are not coming.
Kevin: Yeah, sure, not a date with Stella... alone together.
Joe: Stella only sees me as a friend, okay?
Stella: Hey, Joe. Okay. Since we're going to the fashion as a couple, we probably don't wanna clash. So don't wear anything darker than royal blue or anything lighter I guess than sky blue. In fact, just stay the heck away from blue.
Joe: Stella, I just remembered, I can't make it that night.
Stella: Why not?
Joe: I gotta trim my eyebrows. You know, these caterpillars can get out of control.

(Nick facepalmed)

Stella: Yeah, I understand. Well, um, I was looking forward to it.
Joe: You were?
Stella: Yeah. I mean, to seeing all those fashions. Wow. Um... But we're still having lunch together tomorrow, right?
Joe: Absolutely.
Stella: Great. It's a date.
Joe: (he turns to Nick and Kevin) No, it's not.

Macy: I heard you and Joe are going on your first date. Congratulations.
Stella: Joe and I are not dating. You know that. We're just really really good friends. I mean, besides, Joe is a big rock star. He can see any girl that he wants to.
Macy: Stella, for someone who's so smart, sometimes, you don’t even know what you don’t know you know.
Stella: (turns to Macy) I know I have no idea what you talking about. You know?
Macy: You are all in your head. Get out of there. When it comes to romance, you need to follow your head.
Stella: Please. The only thing that your heart has ever followed is a JONAS.
Macy: (she gasps) I protest. I admit I used to be smidge obsessed, but I have matured.
Randolph: Hi, Macy. I was wondering about-- Well, thinking about asking you-- Would you like to go to the basketball game with me Saturday? I mean, if you want.
Macy: (sighs) I would love to, Randolph. Meet me here at 6:00, okay?
Randolph: Great. Will you excuse me for a second? I've gotta go tell everyone in the world. Carl, Steve, Steve's brother...
Stella: I'm impressed. You have matured.
Macy: Thank you. Oh! Hey, look. There's a stain on the in the shape of Nick's face. That is not an obsession. That is a fact. Whoa whoa whoa! Step around the stain. Around.

Kevin: (he runs to Joe) Hey, Joe. Lunch today? I got an extra peanut butter mushroom sardine salami sandwich with your name on it.(gives the bag to Joe)

(Then, Joe sneezes on the sandwich and gives it back to Kevin)

Kevin: And now it's disgusting.
Joe: I think I'm coming down with something.
Kevin: Aw. Got a case of the love bug, Joe?
'Joe: I'm not dating Stella, okay? Didn't you see how I canceled on her about the fashion show?
Kevin: Whatever. Let's just go get some lunch.
Joe: I can't. I've got lunch with Stella. Kevin, me and Stella have been best buds since we were in kindergarten, okay? We have a tight friendship. I don't wanna mess it up. I mean, would I like to go on a real date with Stella? Of course I would, but... Let's just pretend like I didn't say that.
'Kevin: Too late you just did. (Opens his locker and puts the gross sandwich away in his locker and takes out a marker from it) I think it's Dr. Kevin teaches you a lesson. (then he closes his locker)
'Joe: Okay.
'Kevin: (he draws faces on his locker) JONAS and Stella are a happy family. But what if one of these smiley faces does felt a certain way about another one of these smiley faces, and that same smiley face didn't the same way as the other smiley face? There'd be no more happy family. Only a sad family, singing sad songs in sad clothes to sad fans. Sad sad sad, very sad indeed.
Joe: (grabs the marker and reads it) This is not washable, Kevin.
Kevin: I know. (he opens his locker) That's why I have this. (then he takes the paint and paintbrush out of his locker) I'm not dumb, you know.(Joe leaves with the non washable marker while Kevin repaints his locker)

(Macy is waiting for Randolph in the atrium then he walks there to see her)

Macy: Hi, Randolph. I got you a present. It's for you to wear on our date. Stella made it for Nick of JONAS, but I'd think you'll look really great in it.
Randolph: Wow, thanks!
Macy: And I also got you a cool... hat.
Randolph: This is a wig.
Macy: No, it's a hat. Try it on. And I think I'd like to give you a little nickname. " Randolph" just sounds so formal.
Randolph: My mom calls me "Ran."
Macy: Oh, isn't that sweet? I'm gonna call you Nick.
Randolph: Nick?
Macy: "Nick" like nickname. It;'s a joke. Our own little private joke.
Randolph: Anything for you, Macy.
Macy: See you game night, Nick. Don't take off the hat, Nick. Bye, Nick. (Randolph leaves the atrium with the present while wearing the wig)

Joe: (he walks down the stars) Stella.
Stella: (she turns around) Oh, hey.
Joe: Hey, I can't do lunch today.
Stella: Why not?
Joe: I have to put reinforcements in all my loose-leaf holes.
Stella: Yeah, right, okay. Well, how about tomorrow?
Joe: I can't.
Stella: Wednesday?
Joe: Hm-mm.
Stella: Thursday?
Joe: Sorry.
Stella: Oh, okay. You know what? No, not okay, Joe. I mean, if I didn't know that we were just friends, I'd assume that you were sending me some kind of a message.
Joe: What message?
Stella: Oh, I don't know. Usually when cancels on me twice in a row and then three more times in a row. I kind of assume I'm not that person's favorite person. (she leaves upset)
Joe: Stella, wait. (he walks after Stella) Come with me to the big game on Saturday.
Stella: What?
Joe: Come with me. I can get courtside seats. My brother's s cheerleader.
Stella: Okay, that sounds really great. Go, mantises.
Joe: Awesome, we're on. It's a da-ate-- It's we're on. (he walks away from Stella then she leaves)

(Kevin is drawing on a balloon and Nick is reading a book in the bedroom)

Kevin: I can't believe you're going to miss our school's basketball championship. Where is your school spirit?

(drumline plays)

Nick: (he stands up cheering with one arm and Kevin looks at him annoyed then Nick sits back down) That was it.
Kevin: Joe, are you almost ready? (Joe goes upstairs) Stella's gonna be here any minute. I have to be there early before the pep rally.
Joe: My cold's gotten worst. I don't wanna disappoint Stella again. (Tom enters the bedroom) She was really hurt last time.
'Tom: Hey, Joe, I heard you have a cold, and you're going out to some basketball game tonight? This doctor prescribes a little no way, Jose.

(Tom tells a joke and Nick laughs)

Tom: Oh, thank you.
Nick: Not you, the book.
Joe: Come on, dad.
Tom: You're singing "Great Morning USA" tomorrow morning. Millions of TVs are gonna be tuning in to JONAS.
Kevin: Oh, now, I get it. (Nick shakes his head)
Tom: Can't afford to push it.
Joe: I'm fine. (he sneezes)
Tom: Don't make me sic mom on you. You don't want her coming at you with grandma's thermometer.(he leaves the bedroom and Stella enters)
Stella: Hey! So what do you think? (shows Joe the outfit) Just something I threw on, in, like, six hours
Joe: Stella, I can't go. I'm sick.
Stella: No, Joe, you're wrong. You're more than sick. You're about to be dead.
Joe: I'm sorry.
Stella: Look, Joe, if you don't wanna hang out with me anymore. Totally that's fine. I'll still be your stylist. I just wish, you wouldn't feed me, with one excuse one after another, you know? Just have some respect for me. (she leaves upset)
Joe: I don't understand.
Kevin: Do you want me to draw some more smiley faces?

Joe: Stella's more mad at me than ever. Will somebody please tell me what to do? Kevin. Forget it. Nick?
Nick: Well--
Joe: Never mind. Kevin. Wait, Nick's right. I should take Stella to the game. Thanks, Nick.
Nick: All I said was "well."
Joe: But I knew what you were thinking. You and me.
Kevin: Joe, if you sing bad tomorrow, it'll look the band look bad. Plus, you can't disobey dad like that just because you hurt somebody's feelings.
Joe: It's not someone. It's Stella. (he goes to the pole)
Kevin: Why'd you give him that idea?
Nick: All I said was "well."
Kevin: Well, yeah. All I said was... So technically, you're more to blame.
Nick: All I said was "well." (he closes the book and storms off)

(Stella is downstairs preparing to leave with here purse and jacket)

Joe: (he slides down the middle pole and runs to her) Stella. Stella, wait.
Stella: What, Joe?
Joe: I'm sorry. Do you still wanna go to the game with me?
Stella: I thought you were sick.
Joe: Sick. What gave you that idea? (he sneezes) I always sneeze before the big games. It's good luck.
Stella: You're weird.
Joe: But in a cute way, right?
Stella: Barely. Come on, let's go.
Joe: Go, mantises!

(Stella and Joe are going to the basketball championship at school)

(Stella, Joe and the crowd are cheering)

Joe: Go, praying mantises! (he coughs)
Stella: Are you okay?
Joe: I'm fine. I'm fine. Kick their butt-- (he continues to cough)
Stella: Mm-hmm. He said kick their butts! (tells the crowd)

(Stella and Joe are cheering with the crowd)

Joe: Whoo! (coughs)
Stella: Thanks.

(Randolph and Macy walk up to Joe and Stella)

Macy: Hi, guys. Can me and Nick steal these seats?
Stella: Hey, Macy. That's not Nick. That's Randolph dressed as Nick.
Macy: I meant Nick like nickname Nick. Come on, Nick. Let's go get some nachos. (they leave)
Stella: Hey, I'm really glad we're doing this. (Joe coughs) It was weird there for a while. It was like you were trying to avoid me.
Joe: Avoid you? How could I avoid you? I mean, we go to school together. We work together. (he still coughs) That was awesome. Did you see that?
Stella: I know. I just-- Still you were making it pretty impossible to keep a date
Joe: This is not one of those.
Stella: One of what? (a basketball swishes then Stella and Joe are cheering) You mean a date?
Joe: We're not doing that.
Stella: What is wrong with you?
Joe: Nothing. I'm just trying to protect an important friendship.
Stella: Huh?
Joe: We're not on one of those things that people go on--those things.
Stella: You mean like a date? A date.
Joe: (speaking gibberish)
Stella: Joe, you are being ridiculous. I mean, it's like you have a problem with us dat--
Joe: Gahh.
Stella: Dating!
Joe: But, we're not.
Stella: Yeah, I know. I realize that. I'm just saying it seems you'd have a problem with it if we were, which we are not. Right. If being alone with me is so traumatic for you, don't worry about it because it's never gonna happen again. (she leaves the game)
Joe: Stella, Stella, wait. Stell- (coughs)

(Nick arrives at the basketball game and he sits next to Joe)

Nick: Hey.
Joe: What are you doing here?
Nick: Thought I'd listen to Kevin's advice, and have a little more school spirit. The only reason I don't come to these games because I never meet anyone like myself.

(Randolph returns to the bleachers with Macy then Nick looks at him)

Randolph: Nachos? (he offers Nick nachos and Macy is fixing the wig)
Nick: I'll see you at home. (he leaves)

(Nick and Kevin are going over the lyrics and Joe slides down the pole then Kevin and Nick walk up to him)

Nick: Joe, you gotta hurry up and get changed. (he tells Joe to change his clothes) The "Great Morning USA" crew's gonna be here early.
Joe: (he talk with a raspy voice) Stella hates me.
Kevin: What has happened to your voice? You can't sing with that voice.
Nick: This band is about to perform on live TV and that TV show is not called "Only Okay Good Morning USA" and it is not called "Pretty Good Morning USA." It's called "Great Morning USA," which means we have to be great to even be on it.
Kevin: Dad was right. You shoulda never gone out last night. He's gonna kill you.
Joe: He'll have to get in line behind Stella.
Tom: Children!
Kevin: Aah! It's dad. He can't find out that Joe lost his voice. He'll freak out!
Nick: Quick, in the bathroom.
Kevin: No, I'm good. I already went.
Nick: No, take Joe there and hide.
Kevin: Oh.

(Tom enters the room half dressed)

Tom: "Great Morning USA" is on their way. Is everybody ready? Joe, you ready?
Kevin: We were deciding what he's gonna wear.
Tom: Are you wearing pajamas, Joe?
Nick: Of course he's not gonna wear pajamas.
Tom: I could swear, he's still wearing pajamas. Those are your pajamas, aren't they, Joe?
Nick: You know, he just decided he's gonna wear his gray suit
Tom: Gray suit? Gray suit is good. Million people watching. All right, guys, look, "Great Morning USA is the biggest morning show in the country. All right, so we gotta be sharp. That's why I'm riding you guys so hard about your look.
Nick: Uh, dad.
Tom: Yeah. (Joe points at Tom because he doesn't have his pants on) What, do you think I forgot my pants on? Let me tell you-- Oh, I'm freaking out! (then he leaves the dining room to put on his pants
Nick: Joe, you have to keep your voice down to the last possible second. Absolutely no talking whatsoever.

(Stella enters the dining room)

Stella: Joe, we have to talk. (Nick annoyed) I mean, what is going between us. You're my best and closest guy friend. And lately you've just acting...
Joe: (raspy voice) Really weird.
Stella: Whoa, what happened to your voice?
Kevin: I'll help translate. He said, (raspy) "really weird".
Joe: Exactly.
Kevin: Exactly.
Stella: Well, you have been acting really weird. And why, because the two of us have been going out together?
Joe: We're not going out.
Kevin: He said, "We're not going out."
Stella: I know. I realize that. I'm sorry. I didn't mean, "going out" going out. I meant going out. Joe and Stella. Stella and Joe. Best friends since forever.
Kevin: (he stands up) She said, we're not going going out. We've just been best friends, like, since, like, forever. (Nick hits Kevin then Joe and Stella look at him annoyed)
Kevin: Sorry, I kind of got caught up in the whole translating thing. I'm pretty good at it, huh? (Nick puts hand on Kevin to get him to sit on the stool)
Stella: Joe, you and I have been best buds since we were little kids. I mean, we have such a tight friendship and I don't wanna risk messing that up. Would I like to on a real date with you? Of course!
Stella: Um... let's pretend I didn't just say that.
Nick: Kevin, I'm suddenly very hungry. I'm gonna go upstairs to the snack bar and get something to eat, Kevin. Would you like to join me, Kevin? (he leaves)
Kevin: You two crazy kids are will okay without me?
Stella: Just go!
Joe: Go!
Stella: Um, let's suppose that I possibly feel a certain way about you. Is it possible you possibly feel a certain way the same way about me? (Joe nods yes). Well, okay now let's say we possibly started dating. That would be a bad bad idea, right? I mean, maybe, it would be the best thing that would ever happen to us, but what if it wasn't. Would it be worth risking all of that if it ended badly?(Joe nods yes then no) No no no, it wouldn't. Maybe we have feelings and maybe we don't but this band and our friendship is too valuable to risk losing. We can't go down this road, huh? (Joe nods no) Thanks for talking this through with me, Joe.(Joe gives her a handshake then she gives him a kiss on the cheek) (a knock is heard so Kevin and Nick slide down the poles)
Nick: It's the "Good Morning USA" crew.
Kevin: They're early! Hide him, hide him. (he and Stella take Joe by the the arm to hide him from the TV crew)

(TV crew appears and Nick opens the door)

Nick: Hi, welcome. This way. Okay, yeah, Right on up those stairs. (points upstairs)

(Kevin and Stella wave to the "Great Morning USA" crew when they are walking by)

Joe: What about my voice?
Kevin: We're doomed.
Nick: He sounds terrible.
Stella: I don't know. I think he sounds kind of hot.
Nick: Kevin.
Kevin: Already ahead of you, bro. Follow me. (Kevin, Stella and Joe go upstairs)

(the crew is filming the band)

Tom: Why is Joe singing like that? (he asks Stella) What's wrong with him?
Stella: He's a little lovesick.

(Joe is by the lockers and Stella is walking the steps and they see each other then they smile and wave bye) (Then, Joe walks away)

Macy: Hey!
Stella: Why does romance have to be so hard? (she puts her head on Macy's shoulder)
Macy: Aw! Well, excuse me. I have no idea what you're talking about? My love is a touch of rockin' with a touch of rollin'
Stella: Well, good.

(Randolph walks to Macy to give the presents back to her)

Randolph: Macy.
Macy: Oh, hi, Nick.
Randolph: I'm sorry. It's just not gonna work between us. Here's your Nick outfit, your Nick hat, and your Nick instruction manual you left for me. If you see me in class, just call me Randolph or Randy or Edgar really anything but Nick. (he walks away)
Stella: Aw, Mace. I'm sorry.(she hugs Macy)
Macy: (sighs) It's for the best. I just can't being seen with someone who isn't comfortable being himself.

The Three Musketeers[edit]

(Kevin, Joe and Nick are walking in the hallway) (tires screeching)

Kevin: (he stops walking then he puts his arms on both sides to stop Joe and Nick from walking)Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?
Nick: That walking this way looks really cool but makes us late for class?
Kevin: No.
Joe: Auditions tomorrow for "The Three Musketeers"? (sees the sign up sheet and reads the title of the play)
Kevin: (walks to the sign up sheet then he turns back around) We should totally audition. We would be perfect! (Says to Joe and Nick after talking about the play) Plus, we get to wear hats with feathers!
Nick: Seriously?
Kevin: I don't joke around about a feathered hat.
Joe: Guys, but we're not actors.
Kevin: When you told Nick his hair wasn't big this morning, that was acting.
Nick: I rely on you. (he touches his hair)
Joe: But it looks great now.
Nick: Ahh, thanks.
Joe: Wow, I guess I can act. (Nick looks at Joe then Kevin is heard laughing)
Kevin: I'm gonna put our names down. (writes his name along with Joe's and Nick's names on the sheet)
Nick: If we do this, we take it seriously.
Kevin: And I want a humungous sword.
Joe: This could be fun.
Kevin: And a leather patch to put my turkey leg in. What? (Joe and Nick are looking at him) In the old days, they didn't have lunch boxes.
Nick: You know, it would be really cool for us to be "The Three Musketeers."
Kevin: So what do you say?
Nick: I'm in.
Joe: Let's do it.
Kevin, Joe and Nick: One for all; all for one! (Joe and Nick put their hands on top of each other and Kevin puts his turkey leg on Joe's hand while holding it)
Nick: That's a little-- Um, we should work on that.
Kevin: Yeah, definitely. (Joe and Nick leave) Ehh, there's a hair on my turkey leg. (removes the hair from the food)

(Joe comes out of the bathroom)

Frankie: Warm towel?
Joe: Don't mind if I do.
Frankie: Five bucks, please.
Joe: Don't mind if I don't. (throws it on Frankie then he walks away and Nick enters the bedroom)
Nick: (takes the towel) I'll take it. And instead five bucks, I'll let you to continue to live here. (he leaves then Kevin leaves the bathroom with five bucks)
Kevin: Hey, man, here you go. (he puts the five bucks in the tip jar) Hit me. Ahh, invigorating.
Tom: (he runs upstairs) Hey, you guys, today's your big audition for "The Three Musketeers," right?
Kevin: Yeah.
Nick: Yeah.
Tom: Need any acting pointers? I got rave reviews in my kindergarten production "Safety on a School Bus."
Kevin: Music and singing come naturally to us, so we're just gonna go with our instincts.
Tom: Instincts? Great. Really bad idea. Let me give you a few pointers.
Nick: That's okay.
Tom: Sure?
Joe: No, thanks, dad.
Tom: Few pointers? How about a few pointers?
Nick: Dad, would you give us a few acting pointers? (he puts down the guitar)
Tom: Okay, if you insist. Come on. All right, look, acting-- the key is right here-- it's all in the face, okay? All right? Let's run through some acting expressions, okay? Start with anger. RRR! That's good, anger. Angry! (Joe and Kevin are doing the expressions with Tom except Nick) Okay, all right. Um, bravery. "Oh, nothing can hurt me. I'm so brave. Okay, that's good. Okay, and now try joy. Right into joy.
Joe: "For me!"
Tom: Ooh, Kevin! Your body language is fantastic. Joe, great energy. Nick, I think you show a little bit of that quiet star power as I did as boy with motion sickness.
Nick: Thanks, dad.
Tom: (he sits on the ottoman) Okay. Now let give you some warm-ups to get your speech clear and your focus centered, okay? (Joe, Kevin and Nick are just looking at Tom) MMM--MMAHH! MMM--EH! MM--EHH! (blowing raspberries) (Joe is looking at Tom) (giggling) (exhaling, mumbling) (Kevin, Joe and Nick are walking away) Yeegaa! Boys? (notices that Kevin, Joe and Nick aren't there)

(Macy is crawling around the hallway to find her lucky charm)

Macy: Move 'em or lose 'em pal! (trying to keep finding it but Kevin and Joe blocks her way then she looks up at them) Oh, sorry. (she stands up)
Kevin: What are you doing, Macy?
Macy: Oh, I lost my lucky charm. I can't play without it and we have basketball game.
Joe: Well, maybe we can help you. What does it look like?
Macy: It’s a little charm that says, “You're #1”, and without it I feel like #2.
Joe: Macy?
Macy: Yeah?
Joe: You don't need a lucky charm.
Macy: Yes, I do. It helps me win and I like to win.
Kevin: Macy, it's your hard work and talent that make you a great athlete.
Macy: I guess.
Kevin: You know what? We don't want you to be late for the game. So you go ahead and me and Joe will stay here and look.
Macy: Right. Okay. (she runs to the game)
Joe: Man, some people are so superstitious. I don't get it. I've used the same blue panda pencil forever on all my math tests. And I don't use it because I'm superstitious. I just always have it with me. Wait, where's my blue panda pencil? (he checks his pants) No! No! (he takes various stuff out of his pockets to find it) No. (sighs) Here it is-- my blue panda pencil.(kisses it)

(Joe goes to the auditorium where auditions are being held and pushes the weapon away from him)

Van Dyke: Hey, Stella. Which role are you trying out for? (Joe is angry at Van Dyke)
Stella: Oh, I'm gonna to try out for this lady with the fancy French name that I can't pronounce.
Van Dyke: Oh, well, it says here that she's beautiful. You'll definitely get the part.
Stella: Thank you.
Joe: Stella! (he walks to her and Van Dyke) There you are. I looked all over. What did you want to talk to me about?
Stella: Um, nothing.
Joe: Me too. We're so in sync, you and me. You and me.(he takes her away from Van Dyke)
Kevin: (he and Nick are walking to Mrs Snark) Hey, Mrs. Snark, my brothers and I are here to audition.
Miss Snark: I heard that JONAS was in the house. And by "house", I obviously mean theatre not hizzy.
Kevin: Right. Um, but we're not here as JONAS, just Nick, Kevin and Joe auditioning like everyone else. We don't want any special treatment.
Miss Snart: Gentlemen, I am a woman of the theatre and biology lab. I award roles on the sole basis of talent. I assure you, you're going to prove yourselves like everyone else. Next!
Nick: My dear Car--
Miss Snark: Brilliant! You've got the part.
Kevin: My lady--
Mrs Snark: Perfection! You've got the part.

(Joe is next to audition but Mrs Snark gives him the part)

Joe: (clears throat) Ahem.
Miss Snark: Magnificent! You've got the part.

(Kevin, Joe and Nick are walking downstairs)

Nick: I still say we got our roles 'cause we're celebrities. I mean, how else do you explain landing a role after saying one word.
Joe: I didn't even say a word. (Mrs. Snark is going to remove the sign up sheet and she puts the program up)
Nick: Mrs. Snark, we're a little concerned that we may gotten our roles because of you know, who we are. (he, Joe and Kevin are feeling concerned because they landed their roles so easily unlike everyone else)
Mrs. Snark: You absolutely got your roles because of who you are and who you are, are fine young actors. When you've been a biology/drama teacher as long as I, you only need to hear one word sometimes less-- to recognize talent. Bravo. (claps her hands) I can assure you that casting you had nothing to do with your ability to sell tickets. (she leaves with the sign up sheet)
Nick: Yeah, nothing to do with it at all.
Stella: (she enters) So did you guys hear? I got the part. I got the part. I am playing "Lady Bona-la-chew--habla-beau-la-blech." Ahem.
Kevin: Wait, isn't that the love interest to Porthos played by our very own Joe?
Joe: is it? I haven't read it that far, so...
Stella: Uh, me neither.
Nick: What's in the box?
Stella: (taps the box) Oh, this is my wig. I guess I have big fancy hair to go with my big fancy name.
Nick:(points to the box) Why does it say box "1 of 3"?

Stella: (holding her wig up) I thought high heels were hard.
Mrs. Snark: Musketeers-- Athos, Porthos and Aramis-- You are deciding whether to trust a criminal to help rescue Porthos's true love. (Stella is locked at the top of the tower while holding a handkerchief) Aramis, from your line.
Nick: (steps forward) Then it is up to us to save her before she loses her head.
Stella: (drops the wig then Kevin, Joe and Nick are looking at it) Sorry.
Mrs. Snark: Staple gun! Everybody take five.(Kevin, Stella and Nick are walking offstage except Joe) Porthos, let's work on your monologue. Okay (walks offstage)
Joe: The night has fallen--
Mrs. Snark: Stop! I'm not feeling Porthos. You're giving me Joe. I love Joe. But I want Porthos.
Joe: Ahem. (looks at the audience and Mrs Snark) The night has fallen. (Stella, Kevin and Nick are worried about Joe) The night has fallen. And within my heart... (sweat is on his face then warped laughters of Mrs. Snark, Stella, Nick and Kevin appears)
Stella: What are you doing?
Nick: Look at you.
Kevin: (blows a raspberry and gives a thumbs down then Joe's sweating face is shown up close)
Mrs. Snark: Porthos? Porthos? (Joe is back to reality and Mrs. Snark tells him to say his line)(Stella, Nick and Kevin are still worried about Joe then he drops his sword and runs out of the auditorium)

(Joe is at the hallway and puts the feathered hat on a student's head then he walks away, then Kevin and Nick appear with their swords to stop him from leaving)

Kevin: Hey, dude. What happened? You totally skipped the scene where I get to wear my feathered hat.
Nick: What's going on?
Joe: I don't want to do this play anymore. It's not my thing.
Kevin: What? You can't just quit. We're The Three Musketeers.
Nick: You looked pretty nervous up there.
Joe: Nervous? I perform in front of 50,000 of screaming fans with no sweat.
Kevin: Yeah, but in front of us, there was some sweat (takes out a towel from his pants and he gives it to Joe) (Joe wipes sweat off his face)
Joe: Okay, maybe just a little nervous. Just a little bit. I think I'm gonna throw up... Just a little bit.
Nick: Why do you suddenly stage fright?
Joe: I don't know. When we're performing, I just have to be Joe! And that's pretty easy.
Kevin: You are an excellent Joe.
Nick: Best one I've ever worked with.
Joe: But with this play, I have to be a totally different person. What if no one believes me? Or they think you're Aramis and you're Athos and I'm Stinkos.(he grabs Nick by the shirt) I mean, I-- I don't want to do that.
Nick: Bro, this is supposed to be fun. If it's not, forget it. No big.
Joe: I'm fine.
Nick: Then, please let go of my shirt. (Joe removes his hand from the shirt then Nick and Kevin leave Joe)

(Mrs. Snark and Stella go to the hallway)

Mrs. Snark: What is going on? Not the show, I can tell you that. Not to be melodramatic about it, but the show must go on!
Joe: I can't do the role.
Stella: Joe, are you okay?
Mrs. Snark: You can't quit. If you quit, I'll have no career.
Joe: I'm sorry, it's just you're going to find somebody else to do the part.
Mrs. Snark: Do you have another brother?
Joe: There's Frankie. He's eight but he can play really close to 11.
Mrs. Snark: Where am I going to find another Porthos in such short notice?
Van Dyke: What up, diggy dogs? (he comes and he puts his arm around Joe)
Mrs. Snark: Magnificent! You've got the part.
Van Dyke: Awesome. A part of what?
Mrs. Snark: The part of Porthos in "The Three Musketeers. (Van Dyke is confused) Porthos is her love interest.
Van Dyke: Oh. I'm in.
Mrs. Snark: After the break, we'll start rehearsing the big romantic scene between you and Stella. Come. (she, Stella and Van Dyke leave)

(Joe is worried)

(Kevin is at his locker putting his textbook away then a mad Macy is behind his locker and she scared him)

Kevin: Haa!
Macy: It's my talent and hard work that's made me a great athlete. Nerks!(she is angry)(walks in front of Kevin then she turns around to apologize) Ooh! I'm sorry. It's just we lost yesterday I didn't have my lucky charm. I threw nothing but bricks. Me! Mighty Mite Macy Misa!
Kevin: (he takes off his boot and gives it to Macy) Here.
Macy: (holds Kevin's boot and walks while holding with it) Your Jacques LeFajette size 8 and a half calfskin boot in hot cocoa brown? (she turns around) Why?
Kevin: Don't tell anybody, but I believe in lucky charms too. That's my lucky boot. I want you to have it.
Macy: But how do you know it's lucky, besides the obvious fact it gets to hug your foot all day and night.
Kevin: I wear it every single night on stage. I’ve never done a performance without it, and I’ve never been struck by lightning! Now, if that’s not lucky I don’t know what is.
Macy: Well, then come on lucky boot. Let's go kick some butt! (she leaves with Kevin's boot then he is walking with one boot one)

(Joe and Nick are walking downstairs then they are about to leave but Kevin comes to them)

Kevin: Hey, Joe, can we talk about the play?
Joe: What about it?
Kevin: Aren't you guys gonna ask me about my boot first? (he is shown wearing a sock on his left foot)
Joe and Nick: No. (they shake their heads)
Kevin: Joe, seeing as how you decided to leave the play, me and Nick want to let you know that if you wanted us to quit, we will. (Nick nods in agreement) I really really don't want to but I will. I really don't want to but I will. I really don't want to but I will. I really really don't want to but I will.
Joe: Guys. I don't you to quit because of me. It's really cool. I appreciate it. I guess we are The Musketeers. (horns blow)
Stella: Hey.
Van Dyke: Hey, my two Musketeers. Let's hit play practice.
Joe: I think you mean rehearsal.
Van Dyke: Rehearsal, yeah. That's what Mrs. Snark called it. (notices that Kevin isn't wearing one of his boots) Hey, where's your boot?

(He, Nick and Kevin are going to leave)

Kevin: Thank you for asking. You know, it is a crazy story... It happened to me a little earlier
Stella: Look, um, I was sorry to see you quit.
Joe: Yeah, well, Van Dyke stepped right in there. I mean, I'm not Van Dyke Tosh, you know?
Stella: Well, he's not you.
Joe: Yeah, well, he's a pretty good looking guy, though.
Stella: Do you want to lie to you?
Joe: Yes, I do.
Van Dyke: Hey, Stella, come on! One for all and all for fun!

(Stella leaves Joe and he walks to the program then he walks away upset)

(Kevin, Nick and Van Dyke are still rehearsing at the bedroom)

Kevin: Tis a great risk, Porthos. (he and Nick are practicing with swords)
Van Dyke: (grunting) But Athos, we must trust...him if we are to save the life of the fair... Lady De Bonna...
Joe: (he goes upstairs) Lady De-Bonna-So-La-Boo. I thought rehearsal was over an hour ago.
Nick: Yeah, well, some of us needed some more practice. (Kevin pats and points at Van Dyke)
Van Dyke: Ah, no problem, fellas. I'm glad I could help you out. I did win the team-player-of-the-year trophy two years running. Speaking of running, where's the can?
Kevin: Over there.
Van Dyke: Thanks. (runs to the bathroom)
Joe: Well, that is one classy guy.
Kevin: Yeah, but we still wish it was you that we were rehearsing with, Joe.
Nick: And I bet you wish Van Dyke wasn't rehearsing with Stella.
Joe: So he kisses her hand in once scene-- no big deal.
Kevin: So you did read ahead.
Joe: Whatever. The point is, why is Van Dyke here in our room? This is like Sacred JONAS territory.
Kevin: It's not like Van Dyke's going to replace you, Joe.
Nick: Except, you know, in the play where he actually did replace you.
Joe: Right.
Van Dyke: Yo, dudes. What do you say we grab some bites?
Kevin: Sounds good.
Nick: I'm in.
'Van Dyke : One for all--
Kevin and Nick: All for one.

(Nick, Kevin and Van Dyke leave the bedroom)

Joe: (mimicking Van Dyke) Yo, dudes, Why not grab some bites?

(Joe, Nick and Kevin are in the atrium then Van Dyke enters and sits with Kevin, Nick and Joe then Kevin and Nick scoots down which made Joe fell of the bench) (Kevin and Nick are in the elevator with other students then Nick and Kevin hand signaled Van Dyke to enter the elevator before it closes but Joe tries to enter but his nose is hurt) (Kevin, Van Dyke and Nick are walking in the hallway then Van Dyke blows Stella a kiss and Joe is mad)

Joe: (enters backstage) Hey, you guys, I just wanted to say have a great show.
'Van Dyke : Hey thanks, bud! We sure will. (Joe shakes Nick's hand) Okay, boys, huddle up! Go acting!
Kevin: Yeah. Um, Joe, this is really weird. I think this is the first time we've perform without you.
Joe: I guess so.
Mrs. Snark: Attention, everyone! Attention! Last-minute change between the romantic love scene Porthos and Lady B. Instead of a kiss on the hand, the school board has said it's okay to for it to be a real kiss!
Joe: What? (he is shocked)
'Van Dyke : Awesome. (Van Dyke sprays his mouth and Nick is trying to take out the spit from his ear)
'Mrs. Snark : Places, everyone. Curtains in one minute! (feedback)

(Joe, Macy, Frankie and Tom are in the audience)

Macy: Popcorn?
Joe: How can you eat at a time like this? (Macy looks at him then she looks back at the play and eats the popcorn)
Tom: Thanks for filming the play, Frankie. Your mother would be upset if she couldn't watch this when she gets back from your aunt Debbie's.
Frankie: No problem.(he is watching cartoons rather than filming the play)(cartoon sounds)
Tom: Are you watching cartoons? Give me this. (takes the video away from Frankie)
Kevin: I knew it was him for he had the mark of the criminal on his shoulder!
Nick: Then it is up to us to save her before she loses her head.

(all applaud, sigh)

Kevin: Tis a great risk, Porthos. Tis a great risk, Porthos. (waiting for Van Dyke to come)

(Van Dyke has stage fright but Mrs. Snark elbowed him and pushed him to go to the stage then he walks on stage)

Man: Van Dyke. (applause) (Van Dyke bumps into Kevin which makes Kevin bumps into Nick)
Van Dyke: But Athos, we must trust...him for tonight, I shall ask-- I shall ask...
'Mrs. Snark : "Sweet my beloved into my arms and proclaim my love for her."
Van Dyke: Sweep up with my arms the love and proclaim for her.
Macy: Looks like somebody could use a lucky boot.
Van Dyke: Dare I ask if I may have your heart?
Stella: Yes yes, my beloved. A thousand times, yes.
Van Dyke: Dare I ask...if I may have a kiss?
Stella: Dare dare, my beloved. A thousands times dare. (she walks down the tower then she holds hands with Van Dyke)
Macy: Stella and Van Dyke are gonna...(she looks at Joe's chair but he left the audience to interrupt Van Dyke from kissing Stella)(Van Dyke and Stella are about to kiss)
Joe: No! (he swings on a rope and knocks Van Dyke away while Stella backs away from being hit)
Stella: Joe, what are you doing?
Joe: I'm sorry, but he can't kiss you.
Stella: Why not?
Joe: Because this is my role. (he picks up the feathered hat) Dare I ask, may I have a kiss, Lady De-Bonna-So-La-Boo?
Stella: Yes. I mean... Dare dare, my beloved. A thousands times dare. (Joe kisses her on the cheek) (applause from Nick, Kevin, Mrs. Snark, Macy and the crowd)
Mrs. Snark: Bravo! Bravo! (Van Dyke is waking up with the flower between his teeth and he stands next to Mrs. Snark then spits the flower out) (Van Dyke reaches into his pocket and give a tissue to Mrs. Snark)
Joe: (he and Stella switch places) Aramis, my sword! (Nick tosses the sword to Joe and he catches it) Ahh!
Mrs. Snark: (wiping her tears with a tissue) It's better than "Cats."
Joe: We'll return at dawn, my love. (he walks over to Kevin and Nick)
Nick, Joe, and Kevin: (Kevin and Nick take out their swords then the three of them raised their swords together) One for all, and all for one!
Kevin: And a leather pouch for my turkey leg!

(applause from the crowd as they stand up clapping while Kevin, Joe, Nick and Stella are bowing then as the curtain is closing, Kevin and Joe are waving)

(Kevin is sitting on the bench at the atrium and he is taking out his turkey leg from his bag and he bites into it then Macy enters the atrium)

Macy: Hey, Kevin.
Kevin: What's up, Macy? How'd the basketball game go? (he puts his turkey leg away)
Macy: Oh, we lost.
Kevin: Did you get struck by lightning?
Macy: No.
Kevin: Good. Then my lucky boot worked.
Macy: (sits next to him) Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. (she takes out Kevin's boot from her bag) Boots, charms--they're not good luck. It is talent and hard work that helped me win all my awards and trophies.
Kevin: Oh, okay. So then you're not gonna want this cheesy little #1 charm on the stairs this morning?
Macy: Actually, I don't. (thunder rumbles)

(Macy and Kevin are looking up and they see thunder)

Macy: Here's your boot. (she gives the boot back to Kevin)
Kevin: Here's your charm! (he gives the charm to Macy)

(they are running to opposite directions)

Macy: Okay, um, that way.
Kevin: Ahh!

Frantic Romantic[edit]

(Joe, Nick and Kevin are riding on Joe's motorcycle and they arrived but the crowd goes up to the band then they walk to the movie theater as Kevin and Joe wear sunglasses)

Nick: You call her Fifi and she calls you Pookins.

Nick: If Fiona thinks being connected to you makes her look cool, then what if you weren’t cool?
Joe: But I am.
Nick: But what if you weren’t?
Joe: But I am.
Nick: But what if you weren’t?
Joe: But I am.


Joe: Kevin, give me a blueprint of the school.
Kevin: Why would I have one of those?
Joe: How ‘bout a scale model of the school?
Kevin: You got it!

Joe: It’s just like whatever I try, I just can’t get detention.
Kevin: Just give me the word man. I can have twenty goats here by lunch.

Mr. Smetzer: I want complete, and utter silence. Am I understood?
Joe: Yes sir.
Mr. Smetzer: That was a trick question. I said SILENCE!

Karaoke Surprise[edit]

Kevin: It is nice that we have high ceilings in this house. We should totally put a trampoline in the middle of our room.
Joe: That would be awesome! We could somersault into bed, or back flip into the bathroom.

Nick: Like a pirate needs a hook for a hand, an eye patch, and a parrot. Wow you need a lot of things to be a pirate.

Stella: You can’t do homework later, cause you’re too busy… doing… homework?

Stella: Okay, spill it!
Kevin: (Drop glass so the juice spills.) You know that was my last glass of cranberry juice? You could’ve said, oh I don’t know, DRINK IT?

Joe: Macy? What are you doing in my house?

Home Not Alone[edit]

Joe: Dudes, we have the whole place to ourselves, let’s do something crazy. Like, brush without flossing or floss without brushing. Better yet, run with scissors! No. Too dangerous. Run without scissors!

Nick: I think I liked it better when dad called.

Joe: There’s not enough time. There’s not enough time! THERE’S NOT ENOUGH TIME!
Nick: Joe!
Joe: Sorry. But there’s not enough time.

Kevin: Wow. They’re good.
Nick: They’re fast.
Joe: They’re a little scary.
Macy: They’re Jonas-heads.

Mom: We would’ve been home sooner, but the plane made an unexpected stop.
Kevin: Oh, really?
Nick: She doesn’t mean, “In mid-air”.

Forgetting Stella’s Birthday[edit]

Dad: Give me a C !
Kevin: C!
Dad: Give me an O!
Joe: O!
Dad: Give me a-
Nick: Dad, we’ve got school. How many more letters are there gonna be?

Joe: Got to go. Science. You get there late, you have to sit in front, and… Mr. Ingalls’s a spitter. Bye.

Kevin: And also… I LOVE the tiny shampoo bottles you get at the hotels. You know I like to be in the shower and pretend I’m a giant monster and go, “Ah! Watch out tiny shampoo! You will die!” “Ah, tell soap I love her!” “No! You have no chance! Ha ha!”

Macy: I can’t believe they did that. I’m gonna go yell at them.

Macy: You know, if I didn’t like you guys so much I wouldn’t like you guys so much.

Kevin: How ‘bout we through you a surprise party at the zoo!? Oops, uh… You know what? We’re gonna do that next year. I’m just… gonna… stop.. talking now.

Dad: The last band to cancel an interview with this guy was the Happy-Teens.
Joe, Kevin and Nick: Who?
Dad: Exactly.

Joe: Stella, I know you probably never wanna see us again,
Nick: Which would be kinda hard, since we go to together and you work with us.

Kevin: C’mon, five-second dance party! (Dances to music) Who’s in it? (Music stops) I’m turning into my father.

The Tale of the Haunted Firehouse[edit]

Nick: Well, if you see a ghost wearing a belt and suspenders, be sure to run for your life.

Kevin: Oh my gosh. That was so scary. I didn’t think I was gonna make it. AAHHH!!! I was having a flashback, I’m sorry.

Double Date[edit]

Kevin: Everybody knows you and Stella have a crush on each other, except… for you and Stella.

Nick: Oh, for the love of all that is Mike, stop talking.

Cold Shoulder[edit]

Nick: Remember how bummed you were when the tour ended? And you thought your heart never be, (pulls out pen and paper) mended? (Starts to write.)
Kevin: That rhymed! Wait a second, do you really care or are you just writing a new song?
Nick: I care! (Continues to write.)
Kevin: What are you writing?
Nick: Do you wanna go on tour again, or not?

Nick: Kevin had, like, three milkshakes for lunch, so… I think we should get out of here before he blows.

Joe: Quick, everybody look serious in a different direction.

Stella: She dances just like my grandma, well, back when she had her own hips.

Macy: Oh hang on, I’m not really sure how to use my new smart phone yet, (barking noise come from phone) oops, I think I just bought a puppy.

Kevin: Will you to the dance go with me!

Stella: Yeah I know, and your note was delicious.

Kevin: If I bring Norway her way, maybe she won’t go away.

Joe: Really? So we’re just gonna leave ‘em in there? Guys!

Beauty and the Beat[edit]

Dad: Joe, did you just break a window with a shoe? That then hit a cat, causing a British ambulance to crash? Which then scared a cow, who sat on a fat guy playing bagpipes?
Joe: No. That was my ringtone.

Dad: Oh, hey, Joe your phone.
Joe: (Grabs for phone, but ends up falling down the fire pole opening) AHH!
Kevin: (Looks down hole) He’s good.

Exam Jam[edit]

Macy: The bigger, and better than the last tour, tour!

Joe: I’m working on doing a flip… off a gigantic amp… and landing in a split! Yeah.
Nick: Good luck with that.