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Jungle 2 Jungle

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Jungle 2 Jungle is a 1997 Disney comedy film starring Tim Allen, Martin Short and Sam Huntington. It is based on the French film Un indien dans la ville (An Indian in the City)

Directed by John Pasquin. Written by Bruce A. Evans and Raynold Gideon.
Get a little savage.

Dialogue

[edit]
[Michael is in the open outcry floor of the Stock exchange]
Trader 1: 10½!
Trader 2: 9.25!
Trader 3: 25! I'll take it!
Michael: How's July? July's how?
Trader 4: July's at 95¼.
[Richard gets knocked to the floor]
Michael: 94½ bid. Hey, bonehead, moron!
Trader 4: "Moron"?! "Moron," this. At 95! At 95!
Richard: [gets off the floor] Keep your pencil to yourself!
Michael: 94¾ bid, for 300.
Trader 4: Sold, 300!
Michael: Buy 300, yes!
Richard: [to Trader 4] 300?! 300, you idiot?! [to another trader] Get out of my way! [following Michael] 300 lots of coffee futures? You call that a hunch?
Michael: No, Richard, I call that an opportunity.
Richard: 300 lots, in this market, is not an opportunity, it's a death wish.
Michael: Oh, ye of little faith.
Richard: No, no, no. Me of big mortgage.
Michael: Hi, Maddy. What've you got?
Maddy: American Airlines Flight 109 leaving J.F.K., 1:00 p.m., arriving Caracas at 6:22 p.m.
Michael: All right, all right.
Richard: Aw, come on. You're not still leaving, are you? I mean, after what you did in there?
Michael: I'm getting married to Charlotte in 30 days. In order to do that, I need the divorce from Patricia.
Maddy: Toiletries, shirts, socks...
Richard: I don't believe this. You're gonna leave me with 5,100 tons of coffee?
Michael: Richard, the only reason I put up with you for so long is because you're the best analyst on the Street.
Richard: You know, you give me that same patronizing little speech every time you play one of your stupid hunches.
Michael: Yeah? And what happens?
Richard: I'm hospitalized, and the blood pressure medication is adjusted.
Maddy: Laptop. Uplink. [Michael gets in taxi] You'll overnight in Caracas, then fly to Canaima the next morning where you'll be met.
Michael: Thanks. [to Richard] See ya in two days!
Richard: [annoyed] Unbelievable.
[Michael's plane lands in Venezuela]
Michael: [exiting plane] This thing might be quicker if you used both engines!
Abe: [holds up sign] Señor Kromwell? Ah. Señor Kromwell?
Michael: [takes sign out of Abe's hand and turns it around] That'd be me, Michael Cromwell, with a "C."
Abe: Señor Cromwell with a "C." I am Abe Botero with a "B," your attorney-at-law. I am outrageously pleased to meet with you.
Michael: Okay. [Abe hugs Michael] Abe, Abe, let me go.
Abe: [lets go of Michael] My car is right over here. Do you have any more luggage?
Michael: I travel kinda light, Abe. So, what's the deal? Where is Patricia?
Abe: Uh, we received this letter from your wife today. Señora Cromwell says that she could not come to Canaima, but she wants to get you to Lipo Lipo.
Michael: Wait a second. What are you talking about? I travel 3,000 miles to get here, and she doesn't show up? What's that about?
Abe: Abe has a saying: He who knows what a woman wants knows everything. But not even God knows that. [laughs]
Michael: Okay. If that's the way she wants to play it, she's not gonna get a dime.
Langston: If Cromwell should bother to call, put him through to my office immediately! Has anybody seen that idiot Kempster around here?! Kempster!
Richard: [hiding under desk] Michael, you have got to get back here tomorrow. Langston is going insane. Where are you?
Michael: I'm staying in the middle of Nightmare on Bodega Street.
Richard: If you don't get here, do I sell the coffee or do I hold it?
Michael: No, no, no, no. Do not sell the coffee till I give you the go-ahead. Call me on the uplink as soon as London opens, all right?
Richard: All right. Okay.
Langston: Kempster!
[Michael is riding a skiff taxi on the river to visit Patricia and is dipping a handkerchief in the water too cool himself off]
Skiff Pilot: Nah, I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Michael: Oh? And why not? [feels something biting his handkechief] Oh! [he pulls out the handkerchief to discover piranhas chomping on fingers and handkerchief and starts stomping on the piranha]
Skiff Pilot: [they arrive at the Pinare indigenous village] Lipo Lipo. So nice they named it twice.
Michael: Oh, my God. She left me for Gilligan's Island! [Boat is beached and Michael gets out] Great. I'll be right back.
Skiff piloter: Not long. I have an appointment.
Michael: You have an appointment? Well, if it's the cable guy, you got plenty of time. [To children] Okay. Hi, um.. I'm.. I'm Michael Cromwell. I'm looking for Patricia Cromwell. You know Patricia Cromwell? She's a doctor. No, a woman. Like me, but, but... full-figured.
Lipo Lipo children: Paliku. Paliku.
Michael: Pali who?
Lipo Lipo children: Paliku.
Michael: Paliku? Where is she?
Lipo Lipo children: Paliku. Paliku! Paliku!
Michael: [Children bringing Michael to Patricia] Yes, I heard you. Okay, okay. [Michael enters hut] Patricia.
Pontspie: Mmm.
Michael: You look different.
Patricia: [appears] Michael. You made it.
Michael: Um, yes, I did.
Patricia: [speaks Pinare to a man leaving checkup; to Michael] You look good.
Michael: So do you.
Patricia: How've you been?
Michael: Better. Much better. Weren't you supposed to meet me in Canaima last night?
Patricia: Botako's having her first litter.
Michael: [To a heavy set mature adult Pinare woman] Congratulations.
Patricia: Not her. [Referring to Pinare woman] This is Pontspie. Pontspie, [Gestures to Michael and speaks Pinare to Pontspie]
Pontspie: Mmm.
Patricia: [Refers to sow giving birth] This is Botako.
Michael: As much as I hate to spoil this joyous event, I took an airplane from New York City! I have a boat waiting! You remember the divorce? [Patricia speaks to Pontspie in Pinare] Patricia? Patricia!
Patricia: Paliku. My Pinare name is Paliku. We pick our own names here.
Michael: Do you remember 12, 13 years ago, maybe, when out of the blue, we weren't even married a year, and you walked out on me?
Patricia: And now you want a divorce, and you think I'm gonna hit you up for money.
Michael: We both want a divorce, and aren't you?
Patricia: I don't want any money.
Michael: Great! We can get to Caracas now! That way we can sign divorce papers! I can be back in New York by Friday afternoon.
Patricia: Tomorrow is the Fanenteyou celebration. I have to be here.
Michael: [uneasily] Ohh.
Patricia: [to Pontspie; happily, holds up piglet] It's a male!
Pontspie: Ay!
Michael: As much as I'd like to stick around for the circumcision, I've got a canoe waiting, and my boatman has an appointment!
[the Pinare children enter hut and announce the boatman's departure in Pinare]
Patricia: Your boatman is gone.
Michael: [shocked] What?! Wait, wait, wait, wait! Tell him to stop!
Skiff piloter: [taking off] Hasta la vista(, baby)!
Michael: Hey-hey-hey! Stop! You can't leave me here! What you're doing is very unprofessional! [Notices the villagers are going through his luggage and scattering them] Oh, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Come back here! Hey, hey, hey! I'm gonna need all these clothes back, right where they came from, all right? [Grabs electric clippers] Aw, this is a Braun! Wh-- What about my boat?
Patricia: He'll be back. Couple of days.
Michael: Wh-- What am I supposed to do now?
Patricia: The chief says you can spend the night with the bachelors.
Michael: I'm not staying with the bachelors.
Patricia: Or Pontspie offered her hut. [Pontspie uses piglet front leg to wave to Michael]
Pontspie: Mm-mmm.
Michael: Bring on the bachelors!
Michael: Come on, come on, come on.
Patricia: [Holds a plate of a dark paste to Michael] Hungry?
Michael: I am starving. [takes plate and reacts in extreme disgust] Ohhh.
Patricia: It's yellow-eared bat, a Pinare specialty. It's made from the bladder.
Michael: Oh, bat bladder. [digusted] Holy Kaopectate, I don't think so.
Patricia: [gives bat bladder to villager and briefly speaks Pinare] You might prefer the kara toka.
Michael: Yeah, right.
Patricia: Chicken.
Michael: I would prefer that. Thanks. Ready.
Patricia: Excuse me. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Michael, I have to talk to you.
Michael: Patricia, let's not, okay?
Patricia: There's something that you don't know.
Michael: Yeah, like why you left me.
Patricia: Because of the fifth phone line.
Michael: What is that supposed to mean?
Patricia: One morning some guy showed up at our apartment to install a fifth phone line. He asked if I was the receptionist. And I realized that I had lost you somehow. So, I packed my things, and I left you alone. I figured you'd be happier that way.
Michael: You thought this would make me happy?
Patricia: How long before you noticed I was gone?
Michael: Why didn't you talk to me?
Patricia: Talk to you?! I spent six months telling you I was unhappy.
Michael: It was a crazy time for me. I just started working at L.T.G. I had a straddled position in sugar.
Patricia: [sighs] Michael.
Michael: The price went up, it skyrocketed...
Patricia: Michael!
Michael: ...I'm shorted--
Patricia: Michael!
Michael: What?!
Patricia: It's very hard for me to tell you this, so please listen.
Michael: What choice do I have? I'm stuck here with you and the Village People... till you celebrate Banana-fana-fo-fana.
Attractive woman on computer: Hello, you.
Villagers: Ooh.
Michael: Excuse me. The real world calls. [walks to computer and hums]
Attractive woman on computer: Hello, you. [Michael types on his laptop]
Patricia: What I'm trying to say is that...
Michael: Look, I was right. I was right!
Patricia: ...I wasn't exactly alone when I left you.
Michael: [puts hand in ear to block her voice] 97¼?
Patricia: Michael. Michael.
Michael: I'm with ya. Coffee has gone crazy.
Patricia: I didn't know it, but I was...
Michael: 97¼, 97, 97... I'm gonna wait till 97½.
Patricia: ...pregnant with your son.
Michael: 'Cause it's gonna happen. Waitin'. Papa is waitin'. Come to Papa, come to Papa. [Patricia walks away] 97½, 97½. Sold for a tidy $300,000 profit. God, it's good to be good! [to Pinare Man] What'd she say?
Pinare Man: Hello, you.
Michael: [walking after her] Patricia-- [] All right, Patricia. What did I do?
Patricia: I just told you that you had a son, and you didn't even hear me.
Michael: What are you talking about? What son?
Patricia: Your son. [points to Mimi Siku] The boy sitting next to the fire over there is your son.
Michael: [pointing to Mimi Siku] That is my son?
Patricia: I must have started a thousand letters to tell you, but every one of them started with, "I know you never wanted children."
Michael: This is nuts. This is nuts. This is unbelievable.
Patricia: I was confused--
Michael: You know what you just said to me?! This is unforgivable!
Patricia: I'm not asking you to forgive me, but he didn't do anything, so don't blame him.
Michael: That's my son?
Patricia: [nods her head] His name is Mimi Siku.
Michael: His name is what?
Patricia: Mimi Siku.
Michael: Mimi Siku.
Patricia: Roughly translated, it means... "Cat Piss."
Michael: He picked the name "Cat Piss"?
Patricia: He was six years old at the time. It's a territorial thing.
Michael: You sure he's mine?
Patricia: Positive. He's got your nose, and he thinks he's never wrong.
Villagers: Hello, you.
Michael: No, no, no! Get away! No-no-no, don't touch that! Don't touch that! No, don't touch that! Huh? [laptop shuts down due to low battery power] Ohhh. [holds up power cord] You wouldn't happen to have a place where I could stick that, would you?
Pinare man: Hello, you.
[Michael is trying to sleep in a hammock with other men farting perpetually]
Michael: Talk about your wind instruments. Oh! [man farts in his face; disgusted] Oh, ease up on the fruit, for God's sakes. [Spots Mimi Siku walking] Mitsubishi!
Mimi Siku: [Points to chest] Mimi Siku.
Michael: Hi, uh, Mimi Siku. I'm Michael Cromwell. Patricia-- Oh, um, Paliku tells me that, um... that I-I'm-- I'm your father. That's a nice pot you have. [Mimi Siku speaks Pinare] Do you understand any English? [Mimi Siku strokes cheek in a gesture] Well, Patricia, or Paliku, wanted me to say something paternal to you. And I gotta admit that this isn't easy for me. I don't have any regrets. Well, I have regrets. But then again, ♪ Too few to mention. ♪ Ha! [Mimi Siku then walks over to a Pinare girl giving her a pot]
Patricia: [she picks off a beetle crawling on Michael while asleep] Michael. [Michael wakes up, yells in shock, and falls out hammock] You all right?
Michael: Yes. You should put air bags in these things. [covers his face from the blinding sunlight] What do you call this place again? The Surface of the Sun?!
Patricia: Mimi said that you talked to him last night.
Michael: [takes off dirty shirt] I told him that I was his father, and, uh, he said something in Indian, and then he gave a girl a pot.
Patricia: Giving a pot here is like giving flowers. It's a love gift. He's very popular with the girls.
Michael: Maybe he is mine after all.
Patricia: He is yours. Why don't you try again? He's going out on the river. Go with him.
Michael: Maybe I can teach him about commodities. Based on what I learned in the bachelor hut last night, he could make a killing in gas futures.
Patricia: Go.
Michael: Is it the local fruit?
[While canoeing on the river]
Mimi: [points to a monkey] Baboon! Baboon!
Michael: Huh? No, no, no, no. Monkey. [imitates monkey chittering] Monkey.
Mimi: [puts hand in river] Toona. Toona. [flicks water toward Michael]
Michael: [splashed with flicked water] Oh! Parasite. No, uh, Mimi, um-- [puts his hand in the river] Water? Wa-- [holds up hand to reveal piranha on his right finger] Piranha. [pulls the piranha off, throws it and holds bleeding finger] Cut, infection, death! [puts finger in his mouth] Oh. [spits out blood in disgust]
Mimi: [pointing to toucan in flight] Hoko!
Michael: Hoko; bird. Bird who can't sing: Hoko Ono.
Mimi: No, no, no, no, no. Hoko is toucan. Bird is pomoko.
Michael: You speak English?
Mimi: Paliku taught me.
Michael: So... [chuckles] ...you understood everything I said last night.
[Michael and Mimi are walking through jungle]
Michael: Is it much further? These shoes cost me $500. Whoa. [Snake rears up] Hey! Hey-hey-hey! [Mimi shoots snake with sleeping dart from blowgun] Good shot!
Mimi: [Mimi holds up snake to Michael] Buradu.
Michael: Okay.
Mimi: Scared of snake?
Michael: No, scared of snake bite. Ugh. [Mimi drops snake into Michale's hands; disgusted] Eww. [to Mimi] This buradu is dead, right?
Mimi: Sleeping. We kill it before we eat it.
Michael: No, no, no, no. I do not eat snake.
[Michael and Mimi are sitting around fire on beach]
Mimi: Lizard guts.
Michael: You know, actually, the snake filled me right up.
Mimi: No-no-no-no. I make it for you. [plopping lizard guts into Michael's hand] Tastes good.
Michael: Oh.
Mimi: Now you here, you stay with me all the time?
Michael: I'd like to, Mimi Siku, but I can't.
Mimi: Why?
Michael: I have a whole another life where I live.
Mimi: Another son?
Michael: No. You're the only son I have.
Mimi: I'll teach you to hunt. Tomorrow I've got to go to my village.
Michael: I'm a trader. That's what I do, okay?
Mimi: [holds up necklace] Thi-- This in your village, yes? Woman who hold fire up sky's butt?
Michael: [laughs boisterously and chuckles in amusement] I've never-- I've never had her described quite like that. Yes, she's in my village. We call her the Statue of Liberty.
Mimi: When I'm a man, will you take me to Statue of Liberty?
Michael: Sure. Why not? Yeah. When you're a man, I'll take you to the Statue of Liberty.
Mimi: [Holds out hand] Wakatepe?
Michael: [Reciprocates gesture] Wakatepe.
Mimi: [lays in the sand] Sleep time.
[Michael throws the lizard guts away and washes his hand in the river and shakes them. He sees a tarantula crawling onto Mimi's stomach]
'Michael [alarmed] Mimi, don't move! [Mimi wakes up] Don't move! There's a giant spider on you! [tarantula moves off of Mimi] Don't move! What's it doing? [sarcastically] Oh, great! [alarmed] It's now comin' up to me! Damn, it's chasing me. Stop, stop, stop! I don't want to hurt you, but I will. [picks up rock and holds it up] I will crush you like... a bug! [throws rock but misses] Mimi, don't! No, no! I can handle this! Go to the village, save yourself! [walks onto log and tarantula follows] No, no, don't! Back! Gee! Ah--! [he falls into water; Mimi laughs in amusement as Michael emerges from the water; Mimi puts Matika in custom carrier]
Mimi: If you scream, Matika attack. If you're calm, Matika nice. But Kukuve always mean.
Michael: Who's Kukuve? [Mimi points to alligator behind him] Huh? [turns head to see Kukuve snarling while swimming to him; alarmed] AAH! This place is a nightmare! [runs away]
[Michael is at the Fanentaeyou celebration]
Pinare children: [Running past Michael] Baboon! Baboon!
Patricia: [to Michael, referring to turtle hanging from belt] Nice turtle.
Pinare children: Baboon! Baboon!
Patricia: The hair on your chest reminds them of a monkey. "Baboon" is your Pinare name.
Michael: Baboon? That's the best they could come up with?
Patricia: At first, they wanted to go with "Man Who Must Be Smarter Than He Looks."
Michael: If we get to pick our own names, I'd like to pick this: "Man Who's Extremely Well-Endowed."
Patricia: Sorry. It's already taken. [points to man surrounded by women, and the man thanks Patricia in Pinare]
[Pinare chief talks to the forest in Pinare]
Michael: What's he sayin' to them?
Patricia: The chief is telling the forest that Mimi's no longer a child.
[Pinare chief announces to tribe and holds up still smoldering branch from the campfire to Mimi holds onto the branch for a few moments then he lets go to cheers from the village, who repeatedly chant "Mimi Siku!"]
Michael: Are they finished?
Patricia: Almost. But to become a tribal leader someday, Mimi has to perform a special task that the chief will give to him. He says he's very proud of Mimi Siku, and, as his father, you should be too.
Michael: Well, I am very proud of him, considering the fact that I just found out a couple days ago I had a son, and I'm standing about four feet from a witch doctor. [[[w:Witch doctor|Witch doctor]] speaks in Pinare and Michael hisses at him; chief talks about Mimi's task, and the villagers cheer in agreement]
Patricia: The chief has given Mimi the task of bringing fire back from the Statue of Liberty.
Michael: Guy doesn't kid around, does he?
Mimi: You promised to take me to New York when I become a man, Baboon.
Michael: And when you're a man, I will.
Patricia: In this tribe, he is a man, and he wants to go now?
Michael: No-no-no-no-no-no-no. Tomorrow, we fly to Caracas, we sign the divorce papers, then I get in a big, steel bird and fly back to New York City.
Mimi: Yakuza.
Patricia: Did you promise to take him or not?
Michael: Maybe. Mimi Siku, I have to be back on the exchange floor. I'm gettin' married. I cannot take you tomorrow.
Patricia: Here, if you make a promise, you keep it. "Tomorrow," "Can't," "Maybe." These words don't mean anything to Mimi. He doesn't understand them.
Michael: It's not my fault he doesn't understand. You're his mom, you brought him down here to live with the Pirates of the Caribbean. Maybe you should have taught him better English.
Patricia: This is the most important day in your son's life, and he wanted you here to share it with him. And now, you're going to humiliate him in front of the whole tribe by not keeping the first promise you ever made to him?
Mimi: Baboon, I-- I want to go.
Michael: Mimi Siku, I am-- I'm very sorry.
Mimi: You made wakatepe with me. [Mimi turns and walks away past tribe]
[on plane]
Flight attendant: Excuse me, Mr. Cromwell, [Michael wakes up] but the young man you're with is urinating on the exit door.
Michael: Thank you.
Mimi: [Sits down next to him] Me happy to be with you, Baboon.
[Michael and Mimi are at the airport in New York City and Richard has spotted them]
Richard: Michael! Michael!
Michael: [Introducing Mimi to the moving walkway] All right, we gotta get movin' here pretty-- Get on. It's just-- It's a moving sidewalk.
Richard: [Walking alongside Michael and Mimi] Michael! Hey, Mike! Michael, how ya doin'?
Michael: Richard, what are you doing here?
Richard: I told Langston you had a reason. You do have a reason, right?
Michael: For what?
Richard: For holding on to the beans.
Michael: What beans?
Richard: The coffee beans.
Michael: You didn't sell them?
Richard: No.
Michael: I told you to sell them at 97½!
Richard: [stops in place and reels back with both hands on his head] Oh, God, I'm dead! I'm gonna lose my house! Where will my children live?!
Michael: Richard-- Excuse me. Richard. Why didn't ya sell?
Richard: 'Cause you didn't confirm, that's why!
Michael: What?!
Richard: You did not confirm.
Michael: What's coffee doin' now?
Richard: It's under 90 cents and gone limit down. [Michaels winces face in anger and stomps foot]
Michael: I asked you-- I told you to sell it at 97½, and you can't do it 'cause I didn't say "confirm"?! You're an idiot!
Richard: Look, for 15 years, Michael, you say "sell," I say "confirm!" Sell, confirm. Sell, confirm. You confirm, and I sell. You didn't confirm, so I didn't sell! [to Mimi] Look, kid, I've given to the rain forest, okay?
Michael: His name is Mimi Siku. He's my son.
Richard: What do you mean, "son"? You didn't have one when you left here three days ago.
Michael: Well, apparently, I did. He's Patricia's son. He's Patricia and my son.
[Michael is driving Mimi to his Manhattan office]
Mimi: This your village, Baboon?
Michael: Yep. This is my village.
Mimi: It's big. [later] Where are all the animals?
Michael: Up in their offices, where they work.
[in Manhattan office]
Langston: [sticks head out of office] Cromwell!
Michael: Okay. [hands Mimi a magazine] Take a look at that. [puts up arms like a bodybuilder] Baboon must go fight the chief.
Langston: [speaking to Michael and Richard] Look at this! Cromwell, look at this. Coffee is at 88, and it's dropping like a brick! By tomorrow morning, it could be 85 or lower.
Richard: We'll just wait it out. Something will happen. The market will turn around.
Langston: But what if it doesn't?
Michael: You remember what happened in '91?
Richard: You can't always depend on a natural disaster.
Michael: It doesn't have to be a natural disaster. We can hope for an assassination.
Richard: Oh, would you take it seriously for one minute?
Michael: Just a minute, I'm trying to lighten this guy up.
Langston: Stop it. Stop it! Now, come on. Behave yourselves here! Now something better happen fast, [Mimi Siku puts Matika on floor] or I'm gonna throw your butts out the window! What the hell do you hotshots think about when you make these deals? You seem to have forgotten, Cromwell, that you were investing the company's money. When you invest the company's money and win, the company's behind you. But when you screw up like this, [Michael put newspaper on Matika] you're both on the hook for any loss we take.
Michael: That would be over a million dollars.
Langston: Now, that's not my problem. And by the way, Cromwell, [Michael has realized Mimi's pet tarantula Myteka appears heading to Langston] when somebody is playing with millions of dollars of my money, I generally like them in the country. This country!
Michael: Stop yelling, please.
Langston: [Myteka starts crawling up Langston's leg] This is still my office! I'll shout, I'll yell, I'll scream as much as I want! When I made you shareholders in this company, it was to share profits, not losses!
Michael: [Stand up shouting] Not losses is right! We're not here to share losses! We're here to share profits. Profits! Profits!
Richard: Huh?
Michael: [Pointing to window] Look up! It's an alien circle with Mickey Rourke's picture in it. Look, look, look, look, look! Up, up! Look! Look up! Look up!
Richard: He just found out that he has a son.
Michael: Look, look, look, look, look!
Mimi: Stop shouting, Baboon. Matika kill chief.
Michael: [receptionist looks at Michael looking confused] Catch the damn spider, will you, please? Thank you. I-I-- I said I was gonna go fight the chief, not kill the chief. Around here, only... postal employees kill chief. Do you understand? [walks back in office] Boy, whatever you do in Venezuela, do not try the chili del fuego.
[Michael is sitting in his vehicle with Richard and Mimi who spots a fly]
Michael: And I say we should just wait it out.
Richard: You're insane. Langston is right. We have to find a buyer for the coffee, cut our losses and get out now. [Mimi uses blowdart to kill a fly] Wow! Nice shot.
Michael: [hands back dart to Mimi] Put this away. Would you give me a few moments with Charlotte before you bring Mimi up?
Richard: All right.
Charlotte: Michael, you're back!
Ian: [to camera crew] Where's Brian? Brian, let's go. Come on. Come, come, come.
Charlotte: [she and Michael kiss] Mmm. I missed you. You never called me.
Ian: We're here, but we're not "here," okay? Try to think of us as, uh, furniture.
Charlotte: Just act natural. So, did you miss me, darling?
Michael: I missed you very much.
Charlotte: My pieces in the show were such a hit that Ian-- Michael Cromwell, this is Ian Finch-Chumley.
Michael: Good to meet you, Ian.
Ian: Hi, Michael.
Charlotte: He's doing a profile on me for the Fashion Channel. He'll be following me from now through the spring collection, and he'll be covering the wedding as well. Isn't that fabulous?
Michael: [confused] There's a-- There's a Fashion Channel?
Ian: [scoffs] Yeah.
Charlotte: [Uses finger to turn Michael's head] Forget the camera. Just talk to me. They're furniture. Now, honey, did you get everything settled ?
Michael: Yeah. Yes! Oh!

Actually, um.. Actually, Patricia was very reasonable.

Charlotte: So... what did you bring me?
[Michael pushes cameraman down]
Cameraman: Ow!
Richard: So, Mimi, how old are you?
Mimi: The roots of the Yomano tree have broken ground three times in my life.
Richard: So, I guess that would make you around--
Mimi: 13.
Richard: 13. 13. You know, I have a daughter around that age. Karen.
Mimi: Will I meet daughter?
Richard: Yeah, yeah. She's just up at Charlotte's now. She's trying on her dress for the wedding. [Mimi is mingling with clam basket] What are you doing?
Mimi: Feed Matika.
Richard: What's Matika? [Mimi turns clam basket showing Richard Matika and Richard slams his face against window screaming]
Michael: Are you upset?
Charlotte: You brought back a child. Everyone else I know comes back from South America with a bag of coffee.
Michael: Well, I have ten million bags of coffee.
Charlotte: I thought I'd bring back something with a little less caffeine. I have a show to prepare and a wedding to plan.
Michael: That's months away. Honey? He's only gonna be here for a short while. [gestures to cameraman to come closer to him and then gut punches him]
Cameraman: [in pain] UHH!
Michael: [Mimi appears in the floor] Mimi.
Mimi: Baboon.
Michael: [Mimi and Richard appear] What have you done with Mr. Kempster?
Richard: Excuse me! Michael! Do you know who Matika is?
Karen: Daddy!
Richard: Karen. Look at you, you look... beautiful.
Mimi: [lovestruck] Angel on table.
Charlotte: [with cigarette] Look at me. I'm smoking.
Ian: The rain forest is a very hot issue. Being associated with this, uh, jungle bloke, it can only help you.
Charlotte: Where's the rain forest?
Ian: Brian, find out where the rain forest is.
Brian: Right.
Charlotte: [] Oh!
Michael: Mimi Siku, this is Charlotte, and, uh, Charlotte, this is Mimi Siku.
Charlotte: It's a pleasure to meet you, Mimi Siki.
Michael: Mimi Siku.
Charlotte: Mimi Siku.
Mimi: This your female, Baboon?
Michael: This is my female.
Charlotte: And as his female, I'd like to invite you to dinner tonight with Fiona Gluckman. She's the fashion editor of Elle magazine. Very major. [to Michael] She wants to see the sketches for my wedding trousseau. [to Mimi] And if you're available, I'd love for you to join us. Is there anything special you like to eat?
Mimi: Lizard guts.
Charlotte: Lizard guts?
Michael: Yes, but very lean.
Charlotte: Great earrings. [spots Mimi attempting to urinate in potted plant; shocked gasp] Honey!
Michael: [runs over to Mimi] Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Mimi, Mimi, Mimi. Do you remember what we talked about, using the toilet on the airplane? Let's continue to do that. [to Charlotte] I will find the men's room for him, and we will see you tonight. [to Mimi] Come on, Mimi.
Charlotte: Will he be wearing the loin cloth to dinner?
Michael: I'll get him some clothes.
[in the restroom]
Michael: No, no, no, no. Don't, don't, don't. [training him to use toilet] Before you pee, you lift the seat. After you pee, you put the seat back down. Females in tribe start war over this. Many deaths.
Richard: [on phone; laughing] Oh, that's very good. Very-- [to Michael] Bob Montgomery. [to Bob Motgomery] That's wonderful. Listen. So, Bob, I'm standing with Michael Cromwell, and, you know, considering our long history together, you're the first person we wanna make this offer to. Are you ready? 5,100 tons of coffee beans. [Bob Motgomery guffaws and hangs up on Richard as Mimi walks on the exterier ledge of window] We're dead. Okay?
Mimi: [knocks on window] Baboon!
Louis: [sees Mimi] Ah!
Mimi: Baboon!
Louis: He's doing a Fay Wray!] [he faints]
Richard: Michael! Mumu!
Michael: Mimi! Come back inside!
Mimi: Statue of Liberty, Baboon.
Michael: You do as I tell you.
Ian: Get this!
Mimi: Come look!
Michael: No, no, no! Come back here! Mimi, Get back in here.
Karen: Cool.
Ian: [to Charlotte] Life happens around you!
Michael: Move. Get outta my way. Come on. Mimi! Watch out, watch out, watch out. Mimi! Mimi!
Ian: Get the wide-angle lens!
Michael: Get out of the way, please! Mimi! Wait, wait, wait! [starts walking out of window]
Mimi: Statue of Liberty, Baboon. Statue not far, Baboon.
Michael: Mimi, you stand right there.
Mimi: We go now?
Michael: We'll go tomorrow, okay? Whoa. Ahhh.
Mimi: People down there so far from us.
Michael: I'd like to keep 'em that way, okay? I'm gonna die up here.
Mimi: Nothing bad happened, Baboon.
Michael: I just hate heights. Whoa. Oh.
Mimi: Pinare secret: [Moving Michael to wall] Don't look down.
Michael: Just for the record, it's not that big a secret. [brings Mini back inside and the crowd applauds]
Mimi: Yeah!
Michael: [angrily] Don't you ever, ever, ever do that to me again! When I tell you to do something, I mean it! Do you understand me?!
Mimi: Mimi Siku sorry.
Michael: [hugs Mimi] Come on. Come on. Come on. Mm, sorry. I was just worried about you out there. I really was. All right? Well, um, we should go.
[Michael and Mimi start walking away]
Mimi: Baboon scared?
Michael: Yes, Baboon scared. Baboon not know he could be so scared. Baboon's pants a little damp.
[Michael, Mimi and Charlotte are at Fiona's apartment]
Fiona: Oh, my God! Oh, Charlie, this is fabulous!
Michael: Mimi, get down.
Charlotte: [referring to sketches] When I saw the shoulders on this gown, I plotzed. I said to myself, "Fiona, this, this is the future of fashion."
[Michael and Mimi are setting the table]
Michael: Oh, no. Remember what I told ya? Forks go on the left side. This side. Small fork on the outside. Take your Knife, put it over next to the spoon. The blade-- Blade in. Perfect. Yeah. Might wanna work on that one too.
Mimi: In Lipo Lipo, we eat with hands.
Michael: In New York, New York, we eat with forks.
Mimi: When are we gonna eat? I'm famished. [snorts]
Charlotte: A little champagne? Gino, why don't you show her the bridesmaids sketches?
Fiona: Show me, show me, show me, show me. Oh, I'm loving this. [sniffs] Ah!
Charlotte: What is taking so long with the food? I'll give them a call.
Fiona: I don't eat meat, I don't eat dairy or nightshade vegetables, and, of course, I don't touch preservatives.
Michael: [under breath] Obviously. [Charlotte kicks him] Mmm!
Mimi: [to Fiona] Cat fat.
Fiona: Mm-hmm.
Mimi: We eat cat.
Fiona: Excuse me? [Door rings]

That must be the food. Oh! Finally. Gino, Louis. Coming. [slowly picks up the Coco] We are not going to eat the cat.

Mimi: Cat's job, feed people.
Michael: No, not here. Here, cat's job is to sleep and lick crotch.
Fiona: Oh, Charlie, it smells so good! I can't stand it! Of course, this is much too much for me. Did they forget my tiramisu? [They arrive in kitchen and Mimi is squatting on table eating cat food Oh, God!
Mimi: This much tasty! Your female makes good food, Baboon!
Louis: Oh! [faints again]
Gino: [to Louis] Oh, Louis, you are such a cliché.
[Fiona starts gagging and Charlotte puts hand on Fiona's mouth and leads her away and Michael stares at Mimi with a "You should know better." look with Mimi looking confused]
Charlotte: You had no right to change the rules.
Michael: What rules?
Charlotte: When we talked about having children, we agreed that you would be my child and that I would be your child, and now I find out that you've had a child all along.
Michael: Wait a second. Are you saying that I knew that I had a child?
Charlotte: Well, if I had a child, I certainly would have known.
Michael: Hello! You're a woman. Of course you'd know. You're there when you have it. Look, there's no magical bond between a father and son that spans the continents. The only reason I know I have a child is because you insisted I go down to the Amazon to finalize the divorce.
Charlotte: Oh, so, now you're saying that you having a child is my fault? I don't think so, Michael.
Michael: Mimi's just visiting. I wanna show him a good time. After that, he goes back home, and we can go back to being the way we were. Entirely wrapped up in ourselves.
Charlotte: Promise?


[Michael is playing with Mimi's blowgun and pricks himself]
Michael: Ow! [He then falls asleep leaning forward and Mimi lays a blanket over his back]
[In the morning, Mimi is lounging on balcony watching a French woman feeding pigeons]
French woman: My little darlings. Ah. Ooh. Are your little bellies empty? Oh. Bonjour. Ah. Bonjour. We are all so happy today, n'est-ce pas? [Mimi shoots a pigeon out of the French woman's hand, and the woman]
Michael: What's goin' on up here? [To Mimi] Did you... [Brings Mimi inside] Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! Go! Go! Mimi, you can't do this! You do not kill birds around here for breakfast! If you're hungry, ask me. I bought some stuff for you. This is what kids love. [holds up cereal box] Cap'n Crunch.
Mimi: What is?
Michael: This is cereal! [reading the ingredients on side of cereal box] It's just corn, brown sugar, yellow #5 and zinc oxide? They've added a sunblock to it. You pour this on this, and that's your breakfast. Enjoy yourself. [In Charlotte's bedroom] Charlie. Come on. Wake up, sweetheart. Wake up. Charlie. Bloomingdale's burned down.
Charlotte: [wakes up with a snort] What?
Michael: Mimi's having breakfast out in the kitchen. I will be home before lunch. Bye.
Charlotte: Wait. I can't watch him. Women's Wear is coming to the loft.
Michael: You don't need to baby-sit him. He'll be fine. Now go back to sleep.
Charlotte: Mmm.
Michael: Mimi, I gotta get goin' here. [Mimi has poured the cereal and milk on the counter] No. No! This isn't-- No. No, it's not your fault. I didn't mention that you usually put this in a bowl.
Mimi: When we go to Statue of Liberty?
Michael: Uh, tomorrow.
Mimi: Tomorrow?
Michael: I know I told you we were going today, but I can't today. I-I-- The Baboon's makin' some very big trades today.
Mimi: Me go trade with Baboon.
Michael: Baboon go alone. I'd like to be around you, but, but I'm obligated to go.
Mimi: What means "obligated"?
Michael: Obligated. It means... when you do something that you don't really wanna do.
Mimi: Okay. Baboon obligated.
Michael: And will you promise Baboon one thing? You won't shoot any more animals? And don't eat the cat. I'll bring food home.
...
Mimi: [searching for Matika] Matika? [lifts up Charlotte's bedspread; Charlotte notices and screams in alarm] Nice pushibushi.
Charlotte: [gets up with bedspread wrapped around her and runs out room] That is the last pushibushi you're gonna see around here, you little savage!
Michael's Voice on Answering Machine: Hi, we're not here right now. Leave a message. We'll call you right back. [machine beeps]
Michael: Charlie. Pick up. It's me. You're probably in the bathroom, making yourself look beautiful. Um, I don't want you feelin' trapped by Mimi. Try to open up to him. Just don't leave him alone with the cat. I'll see you soon. I love you. Bye.
Charlotte: [spots Matika crawling on a wall next to the door and screams] Michael, don't hang up! Don't hang up! There's a spider! [screams and fights off Matika from under door with toothbrush] This can't be happening! This is a penthouse apartment!
[Mimi is wandering the streets of Manhattan in his Pinare outfit]
Homeless Man: Help a guy out. Spare change for food? Help a guy out. Spare change for food? [Mimi hands him a dead pigeon]
Mimi: Uh. Eat.
Homeless Man: Hmm...
Mimi: [Walks up to front of store selling pots and pans alongside a girl and points to cookware] Much night fun.
Girl's mother: [grabs her daughter] Honey, come on.
Girl: Mom!
Bystander: [Points to distance] Right there.
Mimi: [points to distance] That way?
Bystander: Right there.
Mimi: Thanks.
Michael: [Looking out window] You know, it's got to be 15 years since I really stopped to looked at that statue.
Richard: [on phone] Yes. Uh-huh. 11:00. We'll be there. Okay. What? Oh. Hung up. I found us a buyer.
[Mimi is climbing to the top of the Statue of Liberty when he loses his footing]
Woman: Honey, go get help!

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Michael: I should take some pictures of Mimi.
Richard: You can never have enough pictures of your kids. We have, like, 400 albums. I've never looked at them, but they exist. It's good. Come on. Let's go.
Maddy: Michael, you have a call.
Richard: I told you to hold all calls.
Maddy: Richard, it's the police.
Michael: [shocked] What?
Michael: [walking in street with Mimi] And on top of everything else, didn't I tell you to wait in the apartment--
Mimi: I want to see Statue of Liberty.
Michael: I said we'd do that tomorrow.
Mimi: Always tomorrow! You're too busy for Mimi Siku! I want to see Statue to Liberty, I go.
Michael: Look, Mimi, I've got a life here. I can't change everything just because you showed up.
Mimi: Then why you bring me here?
Michael: I was obligated.
Mimi: [shocked] You obligated be with me?
Michael: Mimi. [runs off and alongside traffic with Michael in pursuit] Mimi? Mimi! Mimi, come here! Stop! Come back here! Whoop! Mimi, I didn't mean that!
Mimi: You said "obligated"!
Michael: I didn't mean that. Now, stop! Look out! Mimi, come on! [Vehicle almost hits Mimi and Michael grabs him] Get out of the street! Come on! Get out of the street! [pulls Mimi to sidewalk]
Mimi: I want to go home. You not want Mimi Siku here!
Michael: I want you here. I'm sorry. Look, stop, stop. Look. [pants heavily from all the running] Sorry I said that stuff. I was just angry.
Mimi: You always angry at me. "Don't do this! Don't do that!"
Michael: This is New York. This is a dangerous jungle.
Mimi: Mimi Siku not scared. Mimi Siku a man.
Michael: No, you're not a man. You are an adolescent.
Mimi: Adolescent?
Michael: Yes. An adolescent. But you don't have a wife. '[exhales] You don't have a family to support. You are free to do whatever you want.
Mimi: You're an adolescent.
Michael: What?! No, no, no, no! I am not an adolescent. I'm a man.
Mimi: I'm a man too.
Michael: Not here you're not a man. You're a 13-year-old boy running around in a loin cloth.
Mimi: I'm a man, too!
Michael: Okay, okay. You're right. You are a man. But you're gonna have to learn what men do in my jungle.
Mimi: And you have to learn how to breathe when you run. [Michael gives him a "Point taken." look]
Michael: Okay, first lesson. Ooh! You wanna go someplace in my village, all you gotta do is wave your arm. Wave your arm. [Taxi pulls over]
Mimi: Magic.
Michael: You know, magic would be if he understands English. Fulton Fish Market on the double.
Taxi driver: Okay. [Speaks foreign language]
Morrison: W-Where is he? Richard, this guy gets very upset when you're late.
Richard: Yes, well, he's gonna be here. He's obviously delayed-- [Taxi pulls up] Here he is! Okay.
Michael: Get your stuff. Get out the other side. Thank you very much.
Taxi driver: You call this a tip?
Michael: Mimi, watch traffic when you're comin' around.
Richard: What took you--
Michael: [points up] We're meeting this guy at a fish stall?
Richard: No. No, he is above a fish stall.
Michael: [sarcastically] Much better. [Walking through fish plant] Ooh! I love what they've done with the place!
Richard: Let me tell you something. This guy has a lot of money. He's the king of caviar, and he's gonna save our asses. So, you just play your hunches and let me play mine.
Man: Okay, okay. Now, listen up. [opens door] When you get to the top of the stairs, ring the bell once, knock twice, then ring three times. [reveals that he's missing the tip of his middle and ring fingers]
Michael: Okay.
Man: Don't forget.
Michael: [to Morrison; referring to the man's middle finger and ring finger] What happened to his fingers?
Morrison: He rang four times. [nervous chuckle] Good luck.
Richard: [walking upstairs] Ring twice, knock once, ring three times. Okay.
Michael: [sees video camera next to big wooden door] Oh, boy.
Richard: So, it is--
Michael: What, what?
Richard: Ring twice.
Michael: Ring twice. [Michael rings doorbell] Got it, got it.
Richard: Knock once. [knocks] And then you ring three times.
Michael: You sure it's three?
Richard: Yes, it's definitely three times. [Michael rings doorbell]
Michael: Okay. [clears throat, but nothing happens]
Richard: Okay, so that's wrong. So, we do, ring three times... [rings three times]
Michael: I'm not sure--
Richard: ...knock once, and ring twice.
Michael: No, it--
Richard: Yeah.
Michael: [Sighs] We're gonna get shot.
Richard: Uh-uh, it's gonna be fine. It's gonna be good. [Nothing happens]
Michael: That-that really worked great. I-I remember it differently now. I got what it is.
Richard: All right, Mr. Wizard, take over.
Michael: Ring twice.
Richard: Take over.
Michael: You knock once.
Richard: And ring--
Michael: [stops Richard] No-no-no, you do not, whatever you do, ring four times. [holds up hand and indicates fingers to remind Richard of the man losing his fingers]
Jovanovic: [from inside] Open damn door! Chort Vozmi!
Michael: [opens door, and he, Richard and Mimi enter] Hi, there. I am, uh--
Richard: Hi.
Jovanovic: Don't say a word. I know, I know. Let me introduce my comrades to you. Stand up. Thank you. Sit down. Come! We talk beans. Sit, sit. Coffee on market now 83 cents one pound. I pay you 85 cents one pound.
Mimi: Why you take trade?
Jovanovic: Shh!
Richard: Uh, Michael.
Mimi: 85 cents more than 83 cents?
Michael: Yes, it is.
Jovanovic: Tell wild child to shut up!
Michael: Hey!
Richard: Sorry. He's just a kid. Listen, he's an unusual kid.
Alex: Not now, Mama.
Richard: So, moving on. We have a deal, then?
Jovanovic: I want guarantee the price not drop below 75.
Richard: You got it.
Michael: Wait a minute! There are no guarantees. This is speculation.
Alex: I know speculation. [chuckles]
Richard: He knows speculation, for heaven's sake. So, so when can we expect payment? [Jovanovic snaps his fingers, and henchman gives Richard glass set to hold] Oh, this is lovely. [henchman slams briefcase on table and opens to reveal $1,000,000 in unbundled cash bills]
Michael: Look, Richard, it's cash.
Richard: Oh, my--
Jovanovic: Take!
Michael: Look, um, would it be possible to talk to my partner in private?
Jovanovic: Of course.
Michael: Richard, let's go.
Richard: Ohh! [gives glass set to henchman]
Michael: It'll just take a moment. [he, Richard and Mimi go outside] Richard, are you out of your mind? Now we're laundering money for the Russian Mafia?
Richard: Yes, we are. And we'll iron it for them too.
Michael: Him big Buradu.
Richard: Yes, he is.
Michael: Come on, Mimi. Let's go.
Richard: You cannot walk away on this, please.
Michael: No deal.
Richard: Think about this for one second!
Michael: Just get us out of this.
Richard: All right. Oh!
Jovanovic: [appears to Richard] Problem?
Richard: Oh, no. No, no. Not at all. Uh, Mr. Cromwell had to take his son home. But he thinks you're a stand-up guy, Mr. J. He feels that--
Jovanovic: My name...is Alex Vasili Sergei Fyodor Jovanovic. Not... Mr. J.
Richard: It's a good name.
Jovanovic: We have deal?
Richard: [mimicking his accent] We have deal?
Jovanovic: [slightly louder; enunciating] We have deal? [extends hand for deal]
[Michael and Mimi are eating hotdogs]
Michael: Mmm. Here you go. Thanks, buddy. Now this is America, huh? Mmm.
Mimi: Tastes like lizard guts.
Michael: Oh, lizard guts. [spits out hot dog and throws the rest in trash]
[Michael and Mimi are walking in Central Park]
Mimi: Many tribes in your village, Baboon.
Michael: Yeah, I guess there are.
Mimi: [spots a band] Music.
Michael: What? What?
Mimi: Come, Baboon! We dance!
Michael: I don't dance in public.
Mimi: Come. I'll show you. [Mimi starts Michael dancing and everyone in the vicinity all join in dancing]
[Michael and Mimi arrive back at Charlotte's apartment]
Michael: Pretty cool. I haven't danced like that since I was a little kid. Oh. You'll get used to those shoes. Huh? Here. Why don't you give her the flowers? [calling to Charlotte] Charlie, how'd that interview go? You home, Charlie?
Charlotte: Michael, I'm in here!
Michael: Charlie?
Charlotte: Michael, I've been in this bathroom for hours!
Michael: Make sure you open a window!
Charlotte: Michael! I'm being attacked by a giant spider!
Michael: [sees Matika] Oh! I can see it! Move away from the door! Move away from the door! [to Mimi] Grab this thing. Come on. Come on.
Charlotte: Do something!
Michael: I'm doing something. I'm gonna fight it. Stay away from the door! Look at that. Oh, it's a big one! It's a big one!
Charlotte: Be careful!
Michael: I'm gonna put it in the wastebasket. Don't come out here yet. It's still moving. [to Mimi] Put the thing back in its box.
Charlotte: What?
Michael: It's as big as an ox!
Mimi: You bad girl, Matika. [putting Matika in clam basket] Stay here.
Michael: [to Charlotte] To him it's like a pet.
Charlotte: No, no, no. A dog is a pet, Michael. A cat is a pet! Although for your son, a cat is a dietary supplement as well!
Michael: We'll just keep him out on the balcony.
Charlotte: How do you know it hasn't already laid eggs in the apartment?
Michael: I'll have the place fumigated.
Charlotte: [rhetorically] What if they miss one and it grows up and crawls into my ear while I'm sleeping one night, and lays its eggs in my brain?
Michael: [sarcastically] We'll have to have them come back and spray again!
Charlotte: [angrily] This is serious, Michael; We have to move!
Michael: [annoyed] You're blowing this out way of proportion.
Charlotte: [shocked] Oh!
Michael: [opens door; to Ian] Ian, great. I've really missed you.
Ian: Is Charlotte all right? Look, if something dramatic has happened, it should be on film.
Charlotte: [appears in foyer] I have a shoot tomorrow which I was unable to prepare for, because I was trapped in the bathroom all day by his son's pet spider. So, I'll be spending the night at the loft to make up for lost time.
Ian: So, the appearance of little Mowgli is straining the relationship?
Michael: Ian, you're furniture, and furniture doesn't talk!
Charlotte: Furniture may not talk, Michael, but it listens, better than you do. I'm an artist, Michael. You look at something and see what it is. I look at something and see what it can be... and who can wear it. [She leaves]
Michael: Charlotte.
Michael: [sees Mimi sitting by window] You all right?
Mimi: Charlotte's mad. She doesn't like me.
Michael: No, no, no, no. Come on. It's not you at all. It's me. She's afraid of change.
Mimi: Why did Paliku leave you, Baboon?
Michael: Boy, um.. I probably took her for granted.
Mimi: So, now you're with Charlotte?
Michael: Yes, I am.
Mimi: Many females in your village, Baboon.
Michael: Mm-hmm.
Mimi: Why you pick only one?
Michael: Well, when you pick one to love, it's very different. It's like there's a big picture of her in front of your face at all times. And the picture's so big you can't see any other females.
Mimi: Well, I try harder to make Charlotte like me.
[Michael is dropping Mimi off at the Kempster family's house]
Jan: Hi!
Michael: Hello, Jan. You look nice today.
Jan: Thank you.
Michael: This... is Mimi Siku. Mimi, this is Mrs. Kempster. I think you know Karen.
Jan: [to Karen] Isn't he adorable?
Karen: Mom.
Jan: [loudly] Hello, Mimi Siku!
Michael: Jan.
Jan: I am so happy that you've come to our house...
Michael: Jan.
Jan: ...in the country to spend the night!
Michael: Jan, he's not deaf.
Karen: Although he might be now.
Michael: I can't thank you enough for letting him spend the night. I've really got to spend some time with Charlotte.
Jan: It's our pleasure.
Michael: All right. Everything he needs is in the knapsack here. He sleeps in a hammock. It's in there. He'll set it up somewhere around the yard.
Jan: Okay.
Michael: Is Richard home?
Jan: He left early for the office.
[Richard is hiding behind a chair, looking paranoid and the phone rings with Richard dashing away]
Andrew: What kind of a dumb name is Mimi Siku?
Jan: Don't be rude. He probably thinks Andrew is a dumb name.
Andrew: So do I.
Karen: I think Mimi Siku is a nice name.
Andrew: You would.
Karen: These are my father's fish. That's a poe.. Poe.. Uh..
Jan: It's a poecilia latipinna. They're from the Amazon.
Mimi: We call it Rishi.
Jan: Rishi?
Mimi: Yeah.
Karen: Oh. I like that name better. At least I can pronounce it.
[in the kitchen]
[Mimi is accompanying Jan in the kitchen preparing to cook frozen fish]
Jan: Oh! Hi. [holds up box] Do you like fish, Mimi? I'm cooking fish for lunch.
Andrew: [mockingly] "We call it Rishi."
Jan: Fish. [Mimi takes bite of the frozen fish but spits it out] Oh!
Mimi: This not fish. Not taste good. [walks away]
Jan: It's frozen, Mimi. You have to cook it first. Oh, poor thing.
[Michael and Charlotte are at a restaurant]
Charlotte: Be honest. Which do you like best for the flower girl's dress?
Michael: [his cell phone rings and he answers it] Yeah?
Richard: Michael, it's me!
Michael: Richard, not now. Charlotte and I are just about to--
Richard: Look toward the kitchen. Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here.
Michael: [Spots Richard behind interior window across window] Great. Okay. All right, Richard. Thanks. Bye. [hangs up; to Charlotte] Excuse me just for a second, please. [to Richard; annoyed] What, what, what?
Richard: I made the deal.
Michael: What deal?
Richard: Uh, with Jovanovic. After you left, I made the deal.
Michael: Are you out of your mind?!
Richard: Yes, yes. I am. I am outof my mind. Squid?
Michael: No, no, no, no, no. How did you get the certificates out of the vault without my signature?
Richard: Well--
Michael: [shocked and angrily] You forged my signature?!
Richard: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was-- I was afraid that we would lose everything.
Michael: What did you do with the money?
Richard: It's here. [holds up briefcase] Here!
Michael: You're walking around New York City...WITH $1,000,000 IN A SUITCASE?!
Richard: Not so loud!
Michael: [reacts passionately for silence] Would you...
Richard: [to waiter] It's good.
Michael: Hi.
Richard: The worst part--
Michael: There's a worst part?
Richard: Oh, yes, there is. Coffee fell below 75 this morning.
Michael: Let me think. Let me think.
Richard: Yes.
Michael: Come on. [he and Richard both walk toward Charlotte's table] We will go to Jovanovic. Tell him we made a mistake. Give him the money back.
Richard: [arriving at table] Charlotte, hi.
Charlotte: Richard, what you are doing here?
Michael: There's a very big problem with the coffee trade.
Charlotte: Don't tell me. You're leaving.
Michael: This is very important to me.
Charlotte: And I'm not? [slaps Richard's hand trying to steal food]
Richard: Oh!
Michael: [takes her hand] Of course, you're important. You are the most important thing in the world to me. Except for this other thing I gotta do now.
Charlotte: This better be an emergency.
Richard: It is. We're gonna die.
Jan: Does anyone know where Mimi is?
Andrew: [comes in from backyard] Mom, Mimi's doin' something bad.
Jan: [arriving to Mimi roasting fish in a backyard fire] Oh! Well, um, isn't that interesting?
Mimi: Me cook real fish. [offers fish to Jan] You taste?
Jan: Try everything once, I always say. [takes fish] Oh. Hot. Okay. [eats part of fish] That is very tasty. Where'd you get the fish?
Andrew: Mom, Tarzan's eating Daddy's fish.
Mimi: House pond.
Jan: [realizes the fish are from the house aquarium] House pond?
Michael: We'll manage to survive this, okay?
Richard: Yeah, but it's easy for you to say. I got kids to feed.
Michael: So do I.
Richard: Yeah, but mine want Nike and Nintendo. Your's wants blowguns and Meow Mix.
Jovanovic: [reaches into sturgeon fish for roe and offers it to Michael and Richard] Beluga. Best caviar in whole world.
Michael: Oh, yes, yes. Bar none.
Richard: Delicious.
Michael: The best.
Richard: Very good.
Jovanovic: Taste.
Michael: No, not without toast points. Gotta have toast points.
Richard: Tempting.
Michael: Capers.
Richard: Tempting.
Jovanovic: Taste!
MichaelRichard: [he and Richard hesitantly take the roe and put it into their mouths] Yeah, all right. Look at that, right out of the fish. Mmm! Boy, it's so fishy.
Richard: Very fishy. Eggy fishy. [Jovanovic turns his back, speaks Russian, and they both spit out the roe]
Jovanovic: Morrison tell me coffee now below 70, no?
Richard: We were as shocked as you are.
Morrison: [Jovanovic puts arm on him, while injured] Ow!
Jovanovic: Much lower than 75.
Michael: We think it was wrong to sell you the coffee futures. We want to buy them back.
Jovanovic: How much?
Michael: The same. $1,000,000.
Jovanovic: You lose money?
Richard: Oh. Don't worry about that. We value your friendship is what it is.
Michael: And our fingers.
Richard: [he and Michael laugh] Very good.
Jovanovic: I do not know.
Richard: What's not to know? You're cleaning up here.
Jovanovic: You are shrewd men.
Michael: No, no, no, no. Believe me, shrewdness is not in the picture.
Richard: [walking quickly after Michael] I told you. Time heals everything. [Michael gets into taxi] It just-- Oh, the door's locked. Well, that's a statement, I guess. Okay, so, I'll keep these certificates at my house and-- Don't worry about me. I'm sure there's a train I can take. It's not like it's a dangerous neighborhood or anything. [fish plant staff/mafia enforcers observe him] Hi. How ya doing?
Charlotte: [puts bracelet around Charlotte's wrist] And this is supposed to be a bribe?
Michael: Is it working?
Charlotte: It's pretty effective.
Michael: I'll get some champagne.
Charlotte: And I'll change into something more comfortable.
Michael: [playing around with a blowgun, he accidentally shoots Coco the cat; gasps as Coco falls asleep while purring] Huh? [Coco meows and falls to the floor] [imitating Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor] Oh, no! [normal voice] Oh, girl. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. [sits on the couch] That was an accident. [picks up Coco] Come here. Come on. Ooh. Oh. Oh. [pulls sleeping dart out of Coco] Ah. Coco, Coco. Come on. Coco? Coco?
Charlotte: Michael, I was thinking about taking tomorrow morning off.
Michael: [frantically puts Coco on his lap and pets Coco] Yes, that-- Oh, that's a great idea, whatever you'd like to do. 'Cause then it would-- It would be just you and me, wouldn't it? [holds up Coco] Coco? Coco, Coco. [Coco's head falls back, and Michael pulls Coco forward] Here. Snap out of it. [sprinkles water in Coco's face] Come on. Come on, Coco. You're killin' me. Wake up. Coco! What's that? It's a mouse! Go get it! [drops Coco, who lands on the floor] Oh. [holds up Coco with head and arms splaying backwards] Coco, Coco, Coco. Coco? Coco?
[at the Kempster household]
Richard: Mmm. [lies down, but notices his aquarium is empty; shocked and angry] JAN!
[at Charlotte's apartment]
Charlotte: Now where is this champagne?
Michael: [runs into kitchen, while making meowing sounds, and dumps Coco behind kitchen counter] Let's go in the kitchen. You're so feisty today.
Charlotte: It's nice to see you and Coco getting along so well.
Michael: She's so fast! What do you say we take the champagne and drink it in the bedroom?
Richard: So, uh, let me just get this clear in my head. You thought, what, that I wouldn't notice? Those fish cost thousands of dollars.
Jan: I think what we have here is an intercultural misunderstanding!
Richard: Why don't you tell that to my yellow dwarf cichlids? Because they can't hear any more!
Mimi: Fish taste good.
Richard: Well, let's hope so, Mimi. 'Cause you just downed $10,000 worth of sushi!
Andrew: [holding up a fish] There's still one left.
Richard: [holding the fish] Winky. My most loyal fish. Remember how he used to always follow my finger across the glass? [Oscillates Winky in synchroneity with index finger] Now I'm gonna have to go like this.
Jan: Everybody, go to bed. It's late. Give me this.
Richard: No.
Jan: Come on. All right, keep it. Mimi, you go to bed too. You know, I mean-- Come on. Come on.
Richard: It's one thing to-- You have no idea what this kind of--
Jan: Yes, I know--
[in the middle of the night, Karen finds Mimi in the creek beyond their backyard]
Mimi: [teaching Karen to noodle] Wait. Wait. Wait. Now.
Karen: Ah!
...
Mimi: [dabbing paint on Karen's face] You Pinare now. Choose a name.
Karen: Choose for me.
Mimi: Ukumé.
Karen: What?
Mimi: Ukumé.
Karen: What does it mean?
Mimi: It means...sound of rain on river water.
Karen: Ukumé. It's pretty.
[Richard wakes up and opens backyard door seeing Mimi and Karen sleeping together in hammock]
Richard: [Screaming] Jan! Jan! [In the kitchen with family and Mimi] You're goin' to camp! End of discussion!
Karen: Dad! But Mom, we didn't do anything!
Mimi: Not understand problem.
Richard: Look, I'll tell you the problem, Mimi! You started a wildfire in my yard! You ate my yellow dwarf cichlid, and now you're putting the moves on my 12-year-old daughter, okay?
Karen: That's just not true.
Jan: Oh, well, there. See? Maybe you're overreacting?
Karen: I was putting the moves on him.
Richard: Tell me I didn't hear that!
Jan: Honey, maybe we should be grateful that this happened at home.
Karen: Mom--
Richard: Yeah, hold on!
Karen: Mom, nothing happened!
Richard: Well, you know what, Karen? You're still going to camp, an All-Girls camp!
Andrew: Yes!
Karen: My name's not Karen anymore. It's Ukumé.
Andrew: First dibs on Ukumé's room.
Richard: [sees aquarium full of catfish; amazed] Oh, now, this makes me feel a whole lot better. [Karen runs away upset]
Jan: Karen? Karen, honey?
Mimi: I still don't understand the problem.
Jan: [gets ahold of Mimi] Not now. He might bite you. [Jan, Mimi, Karen and Andrew run off down hall]
Richard: Hello?
Morrison: Richard, it's Morrison.
Richard: Yeah?
Jan: Let's just go away.
Morrison: I had another visit from Jovanovic.
Richard: Yeah?
Morrison: Then you haven't seen what's happening?
Richard: Seen what?
[camera view reveals Morrison in hospital excessively wrapped in bandages]
Morrison: Price of coffee is soaring. Jovanovic thinks you screwed him. He may be coming for the certificates.
Richard: [shocked] You mean he's angry?
Michael: You slept like a log last night. Charlie?
Charlotte: Hmm?
Michael: [sitting on couch and Charlotte's in bathroom] How would you feel about Mimi being in the wedding?
Charlotte: I thought he was gonna be gone by then. [Michael's cell phone] Remember, it's just you and me.
Michael: [gets his cell phone] I remember.
Charlotte: No business, no Mimi.
Michael: [on the phone talking to Richard] What is it, Richard? I can't-- Stop, stop, stop, stop. What? Oh, my God. [puts hand on face and reels back] Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Don't panic, please.
Charlotte: [walks out of restroom and bedroom] Now should we go out for breakfast, or do you think we should stay in? [sees empty couch] Michael?
Richard: Okay, everybody, change of plans! Jan, you take everyone out for a big breakfast and bring a change of clothes! []
Andrew: I told you.
Richael: Karen, we don't have time for this.
Karen: I'm not goin' to an all-girls camp.
Richard: Karen, open this door right now, do you hear me?!
Jan: Calm down. What is goin' on?
Richard: [whispers in Jan's ear] ...with a big knife!
Jan: [pounding on door] Karen, open the door right this minute! [Richard pulls her away from the door and ushers her away]
Richard: You get the car ready. I'll take care of her, okay? Go, go! Please, please! Go! Go. Andrew, clear the door. [Andrew does so, and Richard runs towards the door and slams into it, but falls to the floor]
Andrew: Cool.
Richard: Karen! Open this door. [Mimi looks at Karen's door in concern] Karen, open this door right now, do you hear me?!
Mimi: [concerned] Your father's very mad.
Karen: I'm not coming out!
Andrew: I'll get matches. We'll smoke her out.
Richard: Andrew, get back here. I can handle this. Karen, this is getting really, really boring! Open it! Come on!
Michael: [arrives] Any word from the Russians?
Richard: Not yet. No, no. Karen! Open up!
Michael: What's goin' on?
Richard: Karen locked herself in the bedroom. Come on, honey. Open this door, or you know what's gonna happen? Andrew is gonna smoke you out! How 'bout that?!
Andrew: Cool!
Richard: I am kidding. Get back here.
Michael: Calm down. Please, calm down. Where's Mimi?
Richard: Mimi? I don't know. He's probably in a bar hitting on a cocktail waitress.
Michael: What?!
Richard: Karen! Look, your son just spent the night in his hammock with my daughter, okay?
Michael: Was there a pot involved?
Richard: No, there was no pot involved!
Michael: Then you have nothing to be upset about.
Richard: There's nothing to be upset about?!
Michael: No!
Richard: Come here! There's no reason to be upset, huh? What about the fact that your son ate my prizewinning fish, including Winky. And the fact that the Russian mafia is due here any moment. I guess you're right. Ow! That's a pain that's here to stay. Karen, open up this door! OPEN THE DOOR!!!!
Michael: Richard, screaming's no way to deal with a child, all right?
Richard: What, suddenly you're Dr. Spock here? You've been a father for 3 days, now you're giving me lessons? [sarcastically] That's good.
Michael: You sound like an idiot.
Richard: I'm a parent; therefore, I'm an idiot. I have spent the last 12 years worrying about my kids, about their safety, about their happiness, about their crooked teeth. No offense, Andrew.
Andrew: None taken.
Richard: Of course, none of this means anything to you, because in the next few days, your son will be gone! [Michael reconsiders what Richard said to him] Open this door! Karen, open up! Look, I've gotta get her outta here.
Michael: Look, two shoulders are better than one, right? Come on.
Mimi: Baboon is here. He made peace.
[Michael and Richard run down hall with Mimi opening door at the precise moment with Michael and Richard running off the balcony]
Andrew: All right!
Mimi: Oh.
Andrew: Awesome fall, Dad.
Richard: Thank you, Andrew. Okay, we gotta get Jan and the kids in the car before Jovanovic gets here. Andrew, meet me downstairs.
Karen: Are you okay, Daddy?
Richard: I'm fine. Let me lean on ya, honey.
Michael: Mimi, come on downstairs.
Mimi: Coming. [Leaps from balcony effortlessly]
Michael: Anybody can land on their feet.
Richard: Okay, Andrew, let's go!
Andrew: Where are we going?
Richard: French toast sale going on. [opens front door to Jovanovic] Oh!
Jovanovic: Good morning.
Jan: [Jovanovic holds the back of her neck] Sorry.
Michael: [sees one of Jovanovic's henchman; to Mimi] Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.
[Richard is sitting on chair with his family sitting on the couch]
Jovanovic: Give me coffee certificates.
Richard: You don't think I would keep certificates around my house?
Jovanovic: [grabs Richard's hair] Don't make me lose temper.
Richard: Ow. Ow. Ow.
Andrew: Dad keeps everything in the bookcase...
Richard: Andrew-- [Jovanovic still holds Richard's hair] Ow.
Andrew: ...behind the Bible and Judith Krantz.
Jovanovic: Thank you, Andrew. Oh. Scruples. Could not put it down. Oh!
Richard: All right, so, uh, you have your certificates. And I would appreciate it if you would just take them and leave my house.
Jovanovic: Sit.
Richard: Sure.
Jovanovic: First, I teach never to make fool of Jovanovic again. Rope him down.
Richard: "Rope him down"?
[in the backyard]
Mimi: I have an idea. [hands him blowgun and sleeping darts] You'll need these.
Michael: What? What?

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Richard: [tied to chair] Ow! Couldn't we discuss this over a lovely cup of coffee?
Alex: Quiet!
Richard: Or Jan could whip up some borscht.
Alex: You make a fool of Jovanovic...
Richard: No.
Alex: ...in front of my comrades and my community. You waste my time. You try to cheat me.
Richard: Oh!
Alex: [Produces knife] Now... you must pay.
Richard: Ooh!
Alex: Sit still, coward. Now, I teach you... never... never to make a fool of Jovanovic again. Eeny? Meeny?
Richard: Uh-uh.
Alex: Miney? [Points to middle finger] No, need that one for traffic. Mo? [Mimi drops Matika onto Jovanovic's head] Huh? What? [See spider in mirror] Eee! Spider! I hate spiders! Kill spider! Kill spider quickly! [Henchman points gun at Alex's head] Not me! Spider! Don't move! The spider could kill you. Kill spider. Shoot, boy. Go ahead.
Richard: Don't worry about mess! Get him, Mimi!
Karen: I'm coming, Daddy!
Alex: Aah! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Aah! Get away!
Jan: Don't you do that to my son!
Richard: Show 'em what the Kempsters are made of! Bite him, Andrew! Use those crooked teeth! [Andrew chomps henchman on leg]
Michael: Crap!
Mimi: Shoot again, Baboon! Shoot again!
Richard: Ah! Aah! Good boy, Andrew!
Karen: Daddy?
Michael: [Henchman points gun in Michael's face] Don't shoot. [Mimi uses thumb to incapacitate henchman and Michael tries it unsuccessfully with his opposing henchman] Oh. [Henchman merely laughs and then Michael laughs]
Mimi: Baboon, when thumb doesn't work, Pinare do this. [Kicks henchman in crotch who falls to floor]
Michael: Oh, that's gotta hurt.
...
[Mimi is using Myteka to coerce Alex and henchman into their vehicle]
Michael: Ooh! I'm starting to really like that spider.
Jan: Please, don't punch spider at me any longer! I'm going. I'm going. I have many enemies but none like that spider. Drive! [They drive off]
Jan: Karen, time to come inside, baby!
Karen: I want you to have this. Well, Mimi, here's all your stuff. Better get going, huh? Your dad's waiting.
Jan: Bye, Michael. Bye, Mimi.
[Michael and Mimi are riding the a ferry]
Michael: Come on. I'm gonna take you someplace. Come on. Come on. Come on. Excuse me. Excuse me. Come on. Last time I was here... I bought that for your mom.
Mimi: I want to go back home.
Michael: You sick?
Mimi: No.
Michael: You sure? All right, um, but we got to come back here in a couple of days. Tell you why. Fourth of July. It's like that Fanenteyou celebration of yours. But here it's big. There's boats everywhere and thousands of people. And at night, they shoot off fire in the sky like you've never seen.
Mimi: I fail the chief, Baboon.
Michael: How did you fail the chief?
Mimi: Didn't get the fire from the Statue of Liberty.
Michael: The fire isn't real. The fire's in here. Chief knows that.
Mimi: I miss Paliku. I want to go back home. Home.
Michael: All right.
Michael: Ouch. Oh. Almost forgot. You'll be needing this. [Produces Mimi blowgun]
Mimi: You keep it.
Michael: No, Mimi.
Mimi: No, no, no. Here. If you kill a fly, you will be a real Pinare.
Michael: Yeah, like that's gonna happen. You know, I will practice. That way I can come down and hunt with you.
Mimi: You'll never come to Lipo Lipo.
PA announcer: American Airlines announces the final boarding call... for Flight 935 to Caracas, Venezuela.
Michael: Time to go.
PA announcer: Gate 48. All passengers..
Michael: Thanks for the blowgun. Mimi, got you somethin'. It's for you, but I want you to open it in the plane. Don't open it now. I also got ya...

this. Fire from Statue. Fire from Statue. Pretty cool, huh? Be careful with it though. Wakatepe.

Mimi: Wakatepe.
Michael: Charlie, I got a great idea. What do you say you and I get the hell outta here? Tomorrow. Just the two of us. Head out to our favorite spa, that big suite. Get to know each other again.
Charlotte: That's not good for me, darling.
Ian: Me neither. I really want to film all that, but I've got an appointment with my chiropractor this weekend. You know my back affects my work.
Michael: Oh, I know. We could do it a week Friday.
Charlotte: That's not good for me. It's good for Ian.
Michael: Whatever's good for Ian.
Charlotte: I suggest a following Wednesday.
Ian: Wednesdays are good.
Langston: Cromwell ! Coffee's up another two points. My boys, I never doubted you for a minute. We go to the trading floor with those certificates and make money. Money is honey. Oh, look at those prices! Boys, we're gonna clean up. I ever tell you about cocoa in '73?
Richard: Many times.
Langston: There I was with 800 lots of cocoa, back in the days before greed became a dirty word. Now, I don't have to explain that to you, my boy. You're a professional. But that Cromwell, he's a disaster waiting to happen. I don't know what's going on with him. Between me and you, Cromwell has become a colossal pain in the... [Michael shoot blowdart through crowd and nails fly on Langston's back] Ooh! [Langston falls down]
Michael: [Holding up dart] Yes! Yes!
Richard: Uh, George? Uh, get him something.. Michael! Where you goin'?
[Patricia is teaching Mimi to read The Call of the Wild by Jack London in the Pinare village of Lipo Lipo]
Mimi: "Not only did he learn by.."
Patricia: "Experience."
Mimi: "Experience, but... "instincts...
Patricia: Good.
Mimi: ...long dead, became alive again." [Mimi hears phone ring and answers] Baboon?
Michael: I nailed a fly.
Mimi: No!
Michael: You don't believe me? I'll show you.
Mimi: When?
Michael: Right now.
Mimi: Baboon! Baboon! Baboon! Oh! Oh! Look at you. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Now you're a Pinare, Baboon. Will you stay with me in Lipo Lipo?
Michael: For a while. If you teach me how to hunt. Oh. Got you something. Maybe you can use this. [Produces a pot]
Mimi: Oh!
Michael: The real deal.
Mimi: How's Karen?
Michael: I don't know. Why don't you ask her yourself? [Motions to boat on river]
...
Richard: Now that's a very big bug. [Sprays it]
Jan: Honey, this isn't one of those topless tribes, is it?
Richard: Don't even think about that, Andrew.
Andrew: I can't, Dad. I'm too nauseous from the boat ride.
Mimi: Ukumé! Ukumé!
Karen: Mimi! Mimi! [Karen jumps into water and runs to shore to Mimi]
Jan: Karen! [Mimi and Karen embrace holding each other's hair]
[Michael is at a tribal initiation ceremony with the chief holding a branch straight from fire for Michael to hold onto]
Michael: [Mustering up courage to onto branch] Ah! Looks too hot. Too hot. [Holds onto branch stifling himself and then runs away screaming] Aaah! Look at my hand!

Cast

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