Kappa Mikey was an American animated series created by Larry Schwarz. The series was about a teenage actor from Cleveland, Ohio who wins a scratch-off card contest and a trip to Japan to star in the country's formerly popular anime series LilyMu.
- 1 Season 1 (2006–07)
- 1.1 The Lost Pilot
- 1.2 The Switch
- 1.3 Mikey Impossible
- 1.4 Ship of Fools
- 1.5 Saving Face
- 1.6 The Fugi-Kid
- 1.7 Mikey Likes It
- 1.8 Easy Come, Easy Gonard
- 1.9 Lily Meow
- 1.10 Splashomon
- 1.11 The Good, the Bad, and the Mikey
- 1.12 Sumo of All Fears
- 1.13 Lost in Transportation
- 1.14 Big Trouble in Little Tokyo
- 1.15 The Phantom of the Soundstage
- 1.16 Battle of the Bands
- 1.17 La Cage Aux Mikey
- 1.18 Reality Bites
- 1.19 A Christmas Mikey
- 1.20 With Fans Like These
- 1.21 Big Brozu
- 1.22 The Man Who Would be Mikey
- 1.23 Uh Oh Guano
- 1.24 Like Ozu, Like Son
- 1.25 La Femme Mitsuki
- 1.26 The Oni Express
- 2 Season 2 (2007–08)
- 2.1 Camp!
- 2.2 The Bracemaster
- 2.3 Hog Day Afternoon
- 2.4 Mikey at the Bat
- 2.5 Free Squiddy
- 2.6 Go Nard Hunting
- 2.7 Mikey, Kappa
- 2.8 Script Assassin
- 2.9 Mitsuki Vanishes
- 2.10 The Masked Tanuki
- 2.11 Back To School
- 2.12 Manic Monday
- 2.13 Mikey's Place
- 2.14 LilyBoo
- 2.15 Night of the Werepuff
- 2.16 The Karaoke Episode
- 2.17 Mikey's Memoirs
- 2.18 Seven From LilyMu
- 2.19 Mikey and the Pauper
- 2.20 The Clip Show
- 2.21 Tin Putt
- 2.22 Live LilyMu
- 2.23 Mitsuki Butterfly
- 2.24 Fashion Frenzy
- 2.25 The Wizard of Ozu
- 3 Cast
- 4 External links
Season 1 (2006–07)
The Lost Pilot
- Gonard: [in girl's voice] Please let him go!
- Gonard: [in William Shatner voice] You'll... have to... kill me first.
- Gonard: [in girl's voice] You mean like this?
- [Gonard fights himself]
- Guano: Gonard, what are you doing? You're already on the show.
- Gonard: Oh... right. [embarrassed chuckle]
- Ozu: This is terrible. All these actors stink.
- Gonard: That last guy was good.
- Ozu: That was you!
- Lily: Yeah, it's Guano's show. Fire him, not the rest of us.
- Guano: You're gonna find somebody else who can write and direct a new episode every week? Not to mention memorize all my character's lines?
- Lily: All your character says is "Guano!"
- Guano: That's what makes it a challenging role!
- [Mikey calls from his home, and his parents answer the phone]
- Ms. Simon: Hi, you've reached the Simon residence. If your message is for Ms. Simon, press 1.
- Mr. Simon: And if it's for me, Mr. Simon, press 2.
- Ms. Simon: And if you're our only child in Japan and you're calling 'cause you're all alone in a big empty room and you miss the comforting sound of another human voice, stay on the line as we read from a list of words chosen at random from the dictionary.
- Mr. Simon: "Vernacular."
- Ms. Simon: "Flibbertigibbet."
- Mr. Simon: "Mortgage."
- Ms. Simon: "Pedal."
- Mr. Simon: "Disenfranchise."
- [Mikey hangs up]
- Lily: Ozu, Mikey is like the messiest, most inconsiderate human being ever!
- Yes-Man: He is a star that shines too bright!
- Mikey: She's the inconsiderate one. She's always nagging me like "Mike-ay, don't eat meals in the shower," "Mikey, don't feed the plants people food."
- Lily: He's the worst roommate!
- Mikey: She's the worst roommate!
- Mitsuki: I just keep that diary as a joke.
- Guano: You didn't destroy Ozu's bonsai tree with a samurai sword, did you?
- Mikey: Uhhh... kinda.
- Mitsuki: Mikey, Ozu's gonna kill you!
- Gonard: He'll send you back to America!
- Guano: He'll cancel the show!
- Mikey: I'll never walk on the moon!
- [Mitsuki, Gonard, and Guano all give confused looks to Mikey]
- Mikey: What? It's been on my mind.
- Lily: Stupid boss awards! Stupid party! Stupid Mikey with his stupid bonsai tree and his stupid diagram of Ozu's apartment! [pauses] Mikey! He's trying to switch Ozu's bonsai tree! When I tell Ozu, Mikey's finished! [laughs evilly]
Ship of Fools
- Mikey: When I will get the game I will be like [does game stuff , and then suddenly he bumps into a fake Mikey]
- Mikey: Sorry 'bout that!
- Fake Mike: No worries, my man.
- [each Mikey walks away and look to each other, and the fake Mikey goes to Mitsuki, Lily and Guano]
- Mitsuki: There you are Mikey!
- Fake Mikey: Oh? Oh yeah Here I am! Mikey Simon.
- Lil: Why are you wearing sunglasses?
- Fake Mikey: Because your beauty is blinding. [Lily likes what he said, and Mitsuki gets a bit angry]
- Fake Mikey: Say , how bout some ice cream? I know this jord next door .. if you're interested?
- Mitsuki: You don't want the new video game?
- Fake Mikey: Video games are for kids!
- [Lily and Mitsuki are shocked]
- Fake Mikey: Now who want ice creams shaped in clowns?
- Guano: I do! [raises hand]
- Fake Mikey: Not this time pal. And shine your shoes kid, you look like a mess. [walks away]
- Guano: I .. don't even have shoes'
- Guano: Who could leave such horrible rumors in the paper?
- Gonard: Who indeed
- Guano: Mitsuki was with Lily the whole time
- Gonard: Indeed.
- Guano: Yes Man and Ozu never left the studio.
- Gonard: Indeed.
- Guano: And I was teaching you to speak with a british accent
- Gonard: [In a british accent] Rather.
- Guano: That leaves only 1 person...
- [drum roll]
- Gonard: Gonard.
- Guano: What?! You did it?
- Gonard: No.
- Lily: Be honest, Mitsuki. Did I lose my endorsement to Socky because I'm not beautiful anymore?
- Mitsuki: That's crazy! You look great! Doesn't she, Mirror?
- Mirror: Looking great, Gonard.
- Prosecutor: Ozu, do you think Mikey stole the coat?
- Ozu: If Mikey says he didn't take the coat, I believe him.
- Prosecutor: But didn't Mikey destroy your precious 500 year old bonsai tree, then lie about it?
- Ozu: Yes! [voice building with anger]
- Prosecutor: And did he buy a pirated video game when you told him not to?
- Ozu: Yes! [saying very angrily]
- Prosecutor: And didn't he reveal Lilymu's secrets to the press?
- Ozu: Yes! [saying with fury as he catches on fire]
- Mikey: That was a good one.
- Prosecutor:Let the records show that Ozu is surrounded by flame.
- [Yes Man douses Ozu with an extinguisher]
- [it has been proven that Mikey was framed, but the police finds him in Lilymu Towers. The gang are all in Gonard's apartment
- Gonard: Friends stick together. [outside to the police] Mikey's with us! If you arrest him, you have to arrest all of us!
- Detective: Fine. You're all under arrest.
- [Mikey, Lily, Mitsuki and Guana slap their foreheads in disbelief]
- Gonard: You'll have to come and get us!
- Detective: Fine. We'll come and get you.
- [Mikey, Lily, Mitsuki and Guana slap their foreheads in disbelief]
- Gonard: Take the elevator! From my experience, it's faster!
- Detective: Fine. We'll take the elevator.
- [Mikey, Lily, Mitsuki and Guana slap their foreheads in disbelief]
Mikey Likes It
- Guano: [referring to Lily] What makes you think she would choose you?
- Gonard: [talking while eating spaghetti] Because I am a gentleman!
- Man: Excuse me, that's mine.
- Gonard: And it is delicious!
- Gonard: I think I broke one of my livers.
- Lily: You only have one liver.
- Gonard: How many do I need to live?
- Lily: One.
- Gonard: I'm in trouble.
Easy Come, Easy Gonard
- Guano: Hey, LilyMu dolls! [picks up Mitsuki doll and starts mimicking her voice] Oh, Guano! You're such a talented writer! Have you been working out? [picks up Ozu doll and starts imitating him] I am sorry for what I said, Guano. You are a good actor! And a great director! And very tall! [picks up his own doll and starts speaking on his own voice] It's too late for sorries, Ozu! GUANO SMASH! [starts hitting dolls against each other until he starts crying] Guano smash...
- Mitsuki: Ooh! Let's go to the Tatami megastore. They've got everything!
- Gonard: Yeah! That's where I bought my virtual reality machine. [places toaster on head, covering his eyes]
- Mikey: Awesome!
- Guano: It's just a toaster he found in the street.
- Gonard: It's like I'm... on a roller coaster! Woo hoo! [runs hard into a wall] Oof!
- Mikey: I can't believe we were fired from the show.
- Gonard: [Holding a prop and then tossing it down a trash bin] Goodbye LilyMu Blaster, I guess I'll never shoot you again. [Holding his costume pants and tossing it down a trash bin] Goodbye LilyMu pants, I guess I'll never look awesome in you again. [Holding his pants and then tossing it down a trash bin] Goodbye normal pants. In retrospect, there was nothing wrong with you.
- Gonard: So the cat's cute? It's not like it's got anything else going for it.
- Reporter on TV: Here is Kello taking the Silver Medal in Olympic Downhill Skiing!
- Mikey: Why did I lend him those skis?
- Guano: You just need time to adjust. On Lily's first day, she tripped over a camera. Then on Gonard's first day, he mistakenly ate a box full of light-bulbs.
- Gonard: You mean, glass apples.
- [Kello the Kitten gets on the camera]
- Guano: What's that on the camera?
- Gonard: A UFO?
- Lily: That's not a UFO.
- [Gonard holds a sub sandwich]
- Gonard: Lily, I think I know a UFO when I see one. Hey! Who's been eating my UFO?
- Cat Burglar: You know the expression, 'There's only one way to skin a cat'? Actually, there's only one way, with this. [pulls out a bizarre looking machine with a hook, knife, sickel, and another blade all spinning simultaneously]
- Mitsuki: [in southern accent, wearing bonnet] Gonard you have to eat that lobster!
- Gonard: [in southern accent, wearing a cowboy hat] I reckon I do!
- Reginald: It is I, Sir Reginald, the handsomest man in the world, come to present you with this overly large diamond. [holds up diamond]
- Lily: Oh Reginald!
- Tapias: Jumps onto balcony holding diamond identical to Reginald's Lily?
- Lily: Tapias I never doubted you for a second.
- Tapias: Then I shall fight you for Lily!
- Reginald: Have at you!
- Mikey: Anyway, After the game I picked up Gonard. We ran into a little trouble on the way to Ozu's but it was nothing we couldn't handle.
- Mikey: [In flashback] Those Aliens have been tailing us since Montoya Blvd.
- Gonard: [In flashback] I'm on it! [Fires laser]
- Mikey: [In flashback] Wooooo ha ha ha!
- [end of flashback]
- Gonard: [Hand on heart] True Story.
The Good, the Bad, and the Mikey
- Mikey: W'ever
- Guano: Mikey, you have to do what the script says!
- Mikey: Script is just a prison, made of words.
- Ozu: You must go back to being the old Mikey and be a good example for kids.
- Mikey: W'ever.
- Ozu: You have to do what I say! I'm your boss!
- Mikey: Boss is just a prison, made of skin.
- Ozu: That dosen't make any sense!
- Mikey: Well, not to a fossil like you.
- Guano: [standing on top of the bus] For the last time, I'm not filled with candy!
- Girl: Prove it!
- [Guano screams and lands on Gonard's hands and Mikey and Gonard start running]
- Gonard: The candy is mine! Fine, you can have some too.
- Guano: Mikey! Stop! Ozu's gonna be furious!
- Mikey: Then I got news for Ozu, w'ever!
- Ozu: You started a riot!?
- Mikey: Ah, no!
- [A chair flies in through a window]
- Crowd: Riot! Riot! Riot!
- Yes Man: For the greater good!
- Kid 1: He supports the greater good!
- Kid 2: Get him!
- Mikey: [looking at a statue of Ozu] Look at him, all smug and bronze like the real Ozu.
- Mikey: A boss is just a prison made of skin.
- Ozu: That doesn't make sense!
Sumo of All Fears
- Lily: And in this corner... Two guys wearing masks!
- [Sumos cheer]
- Lily: And a short, smelly guy wearing a mask!
- Guano: OH, COME ON!!
- Mikey: Hey guys! We need to fight some sumos.
- Lily, Mitsuki, and Gonard: US?
- Mikey: I can't fight by myself! Come on!
- Gonard: [In a Britsh accent] Very well! Lily, fetch my sword and a team of horses. Mitsuki, carry me into battle!
- [Both girls give him angry looks]
- Gonard: Just kidding.
- Mikey: I don't feel like I'm getting stronger.
- Janitor: Ah, but Mikey, you are getting stronger! In fact, you are my best student I ever taught.
- Guano: What about me?
- Janitor: Ah, yes, you are my worst.
Lost in Transportation
- Beef: You ain't goin' nowhere.
- [an alarm sounds]
- Gang member: Grammar police! You aren't going anywhere.
- Beef: Man, the Grammar Police is always doggin' me...
- Ozu: [to Lily] Have you talked to Mitsuki? Did she find Mikey?
- Lily: Not yet, but Gonard says he has a back up plan.
- Gonard: [to the children] Maybe one day, you'll all be superheroes when you grow up. Isn't that right, Mikey?
- [A cat is dressed as Kappa Mikey and starts attacking Gonard]
- Gonard: [talking on cell phone] Mikey, you gotta get here. They're gonna put out the cake soon, and I think I ate the box with all the candles in it.
- Beef: We're all outcasts, kid. That's what makes us Chums. That, and a small monthly membership fee.
- Beef: Mikey, I've got a special surprise for you.
- Mikey: You're gonna throw another snake down my shirt?
- Mr. Stereo: This is wonderful! Thank you, Ozu! Only a true friend would save my son's birthday with a gang of dangerous bikers!
- Lily: Hey, kids!
- [The children cheer]
- Timmy: Lily, do your move!
- [Lily giggles and performs a karate kick]
- Lily: Hi-ya!
- [Timmy becomes enraged]
- Timmy: NO! DO THE MOVE WHERE YOU INTRODUCE MIKEY!
Big Trouble in Little Tokyo
- [Mega Gonard rampages around Tokyo]
- Random Man: Oh no! The Fireworks factory!
- [Gonard steps on factory, fireworks shoot up into the sky]
- Random Man: Not the wolf factory!
- [Gonard steps on factory, barking wolves run out of the factory]
- Guano: Mikey, for once just listen to me. Let's Go!
- Mikey: Not till I touch Gonard with the Death Hand!
- Gonard: Yeah! I wanna know the slumber of lost souls.
- Hideous Blue Blob: Do not go in there.
- Mikey: You heard the monster. Let's check it out.
- Guano: Does this mean you're gonna let me go?
- Dr. Igor: Ha! Of course not. But, I'll try to make this as pleasant as possible. Set the laser to maximum pain!
- Dr. Igor: Citizens of Tokyo! For too long, you have ignored Dr. Igor! For too long have you denied me the respect I deserve! Now it's- It's-
- Guano: Payback time?
- Dr. Igor: Yes! It's payback time! Unless you give me everything I want, I will use my Size-Mo-Lazer and Guano's Power Crystal to make myself incredibly small!
- Guano: Ahem. Sorry to interrupt, but maybe you should make yourself bigger instead of smaller?
- Dr. Igor: Hmmm... bigger. Good idea. I shall make myself enormous and then I'll- I'll...
- Guano: Destroy all of Tokyo.
- Dr. Igor: Destroy all of Tokyo!
- Mitsuki: Gonard hit both four and nine and if you add them together you get-
- Gonard: The letter M!
- Lily: Nobody panic.
- Gonard: Help! I'm too beautiful to swim!
- Ozu: For you.
- Yes Man: A sandwich? This is the nicest thing you ever gave me!
- [Ozu's phone rings]
- Ozu: Hello?
- Lily: Ozu! We're stuck in an elevator and we gotta rescue Guano!
- Ozu: Not now! I just gave Yes Man a sandwich full of painful spicy Wasabi.
- Yes Man: [takes a bite of the sandwich] Why would you do this?!
- Ozu: It's a blooper!
- Yes Man: But there's no camera!
- Dr. Igor: All the classic movie monsters were my inventions! Mega-Rat! Mega-Snake! Mega-Mom!
- Mikey: Yeu made all these?!
- Dr. Igor: Forbes helped out.
- Forbes: I designed the monster's butts.
- Gonard: Look! It's the moths from the movie, "Attack of the Mega-Moths."
- Mitsuki: And his death ray from "Mega Night of the Death Ray"!
- Mikey: Sweet! Dracula's retainer and the long lost ending to "Mega-zilla 7: Birth of Mega-zilla!"
- Guano: Movie time's over.
- Mikey: Come on! The three-headed Mega-Dragon's gonna fight a Mega-Turtle with four butts!
- Ozu: New, from LilyMu! It's the "LilyMu: Super Bloopers" DVD! On sale for only five thousand yen!
- Yes Man: Bargain of the century!
The Phantom of the Soundstage
- [Lily and the Phantom of the sound stage planning to prank Mikey]
- Phantom: Then, I will teach him a lesson he'll not forget.
- Lily and Phantom: [Evil laugh]
- Phantom: That's a pretty good evil laugh, you've got.
- Lily: It comes from the heart.
- Phantom: Legend has it, the stage is haunted by a hideous creature.
- Mikey: Guano! [buzzer sound effect]
- Phantom: No, a hideous creature that lurks in the shadows.
- Mikey: Mitsuki? [buzzer sound effect]
- Phantom: [to the tune of the title song from The Phantom of the Opera] I must do to young Mikey / What that prankster did to me.
Battle of the Bands
- Mikey: That's ridiculous! Yoshi will say anything if you tickle him! [Tickles Yoshi]
- Yoshi: [Laughing] Stop! Stop! I brush my teeth with dogs!
- Mikey: A cell phone! We can cheat after all!
- [Gonard, Guano and Lily cheer]
- Mitsuki: Wait! What happened to being honest with our fans?! You said we'd do the right thing!
- Mikey: And we will, as soon as we cheat our way to victory!
- Gonard, Guano and Lily: Cheat! Cheat! Cheat! Cheat! Cheat!
- Ori: Well, what do we have here?
- Yori: Looks like a couple actor types thought they'd pick up some guitars and call themselves a band.
- Mikey: Yep, that's pretty much it.
- Guano: Gonard, did you leave this on the audio board?
- Gonard: That's preposterous! I've never seen that sandwich before in my life!
- Guano: You autographed it! [sandwich reads 'Eat you later -Gonard']
- Gonard: That could be any Gonard! [eats sandwich out of Guano's hand in one bite]
- Mikey: We'll figure it out. We're rock stars.
- Mitsuki: Rock stars who steal their music from a cell phone?!
- Mikey: Is there any other kind?
- Guano: For now, let's just worry about covering our butts.
- Gonard: One step ahead of you. (has a sheep on his butt)
- Mikey: Everyone. I have a confession to make.
- Reporter: He's a vampire! It all adds up!
- Yori: Something's not right about you guys.
- Ori: Yeah. You hold your instruments funny.
- Yori: All your songs are 15 seconds long!
La Cage Aux Mikey
- Lily: Well, if you really are Mikey's parents, then you must know a lot about him.
- Guano: When's Mikey's birthday?
- Gonard: What's Mikey's name?
- [mimical gestures while an accordion plays in the background]
- Gonard: [angrily] You made me learn how to cook delicious foods!? Do you know how useless that is to me!?
- Gonard: To eat is a necessity; but to eat intelligently is an art.
- Beef: That's beautiful, Gonard.
- Gonard: A guy wrote it on my hand at the bus station. (holds up hand)
- Mikey: You guys remember that reporter that was here?
- Gonard: Sure, about yea high, face made of glass, always standing next to the fax machine.
- Lily: You're thinking of the photocopier.
- Gonard: That wasn't a reporter? Then why would he want a picture of my butt?
- [Gonard, watching TV, sees himself on reality show]
- Gonard: Oh, man, this guys got moves!
- Mikey: Gonard, that's you!
- Gonard: Shyeah, I wish.
- Gonard: [holding the novel 'War and Peace'] No food for me; I'm too busy feeding my brain with book knowledge. [takes bite out of book and with mouth full] Mmm, verbs... mmm. Pass the syrup.
- Guano: I don't know, guys, you know what they say, 'Too many cooks spoil the broth.'
- Mikey: No. What they say is, 'Too many cooks write the best books.'
- Gonard: [excitedly paging through a photo album] Here's me fighting 'gators in the Amazon. Oh, and and here's me playing ping-pong on the moon. Oh, and here's me inventing penicillin at the prom.
- Mikey: Those are just pictures of you with sandwiches.
- Gonard: Jealous?
- Ozu: [angrily] What am I supposed to put on the air now?!
- Yes Man: The Yes Man Variety Hour!
- Gonard: If you want this butt camera back send 1000 unmarked cookies to my mouth by 3 o'clock tomorrow.
A Christmas Mikey
- Mikey: Gonard! You're not evil!
- Gonard: Thanks, I've been using a new deoderant.
- Ozu: Eat the stocking... EAT IT! [shoves christmas stocking in Yes-man's mouth]
- Gonard: You're good, Kappa Mikey. Real good.
- Mikey: The best.
- Guano: Cut? [excited] Cut! That's a wrap, people!
- [crew cheers]
- Mitsuki: Mikey, that was amazing.
- Lily: Yeah, for once you didn't destroy the whole set.
- Mikey: Ain't no thing but a sumo ring. [tips over a camera and chaos quickly ensues] Sorry.
- Guano: You know what, who cares? We're done for the season!
With Fans Like These
- Gonard: [Talking to sandwich] No mayo I said, but you wouldn't listen. [jams sandwich into paper shredder, machine overloads as sparks and smoke fly out]
- Gonard: Sorry I'm late, I had to get beat up by some nerds. Ready?
- Lily: Yeah, remember you're good cop I'm bad cop.
- Gonard: Got it.
- [Scene pans to Guano tied up in a chair]
- Gonard: So Guano, how'd you like a punch in the gut?
- Lily: [through clenched teeth] Gonard! Good cop.
- Gonard: I mean, how would you like a kiss...in the gut? [Gonard thumbs up sign to Lily]
- [Gonard dunks his head in a fish tank, comes up with a fish in his mouth, swallows fish]
- Lily: Gonard!
- Gonard: I just open my mouth, if a fish swims in that's his decision.
- Mitsuki: You shouldn't mess with people who confuse T.V. and real life.
- Mikey: Why not? Sounds like a great idea to me.
- Mitsuki: Remember when we watched that nature show and Gonard threw the T.V. out the window cause he thought it was full of spiders?
- Mikey: So?
- Mitsuki: We lost THREE T.V.s!
- Mikey: Good news, I'm nerd free!
- Mitsuki: So you were honest, my advice worked?
- Mikey: Oh yeah, about that. Sometimes true honesty means making up a crazy story about Gonard to scare away your fans.
- Gonard: And I want sandwiches! [Bangs fist against wall] The good kind...with bread on the outside.
- Gonard: I get it now. There aren't two Ozu's. That other guy is Ozu's brother.
- Lily: [sarcastically]: Very good, Gonard.
- Gonard: Now if only someone would explain to me who THAT guy is. [points to himself in a mirror and talks to his reflection] Hello, handsome.
- Lily: This is a joke! You have no idea what you're doing.
- Mikey: You've got spark. I like that. Give yourself a raise.
- Lily: What!?
- Mikey: You're fired!
- [Lily gasps]
- Ozu: We had an agreement, Brozu. I run LilyMu, you spend our family's money on diamond teeth and ill-fitting trousers.
- Yes Man: [to Brozu] In your face!
- No Man: Oh no!
- Yes Man: Yesss! [attacks No Man]
- [Brozu sees Lily for the first time]
- Brozu: Oh Hello! Your daddy must be a doctor cause you're the sickest girl I ever saw!
- Lily: OMG
- [Gonard puts bunny ears on his butt]
- Mitsuki: Um, Gonard, those are bunny ears.
- Gonard: Oh, I thought they were butt feathers.
- Mitsuki: ???
The Man Who Would be Mikey
- [Mikey finds a sword stuck on the rock]
- Mikey: This should do the job.
- Old Man: Beautiful, sword eye, this called the Dragon's Spike, pops you heard the legend.
- Mikey: Of course, so this is what they use to stop Manzilla.
- Old Man: Now, the Dragon's has been a history of dark and TWISTED!
- Mikey: Oh, the Dragon's Spike, I thought you said the Dragon's Bike, anyway I'm sure no one would mind if I take her out for a little spin.
- Old Man: [laughs evily] No one will not pull it from the stone. Thousands of tribe it all it fails, the grass, the blade is to...
- Mikey: [pulls the blade out] See ya later. [leaves]
- Old Man: Spike? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
Uh Oh Guano
- Gonard: Mikey, to make someone less popular all you have to do is steal their belt.
- [Yoshi walks by, his pants fall down]
- Yoshi: My trousers!
- Gonard: [chuckling and holding up Yoshi's belt] That'll teach him to look at my doughnut.
- Mikey: Maybe I'll even be on Star Talk. The show where stars talk.
- Lily: The only show you'll be on is America's Next Top Weirdo.
- Mikey: Don't get my hopes up.
- [talking about Butts, the currency of Buttstonia]
- Gonard: Look, look at the pretty Butts.
- Mitsuki: That's... okay.
- Gonard: Touch them, touch my Butts! Touch my stinkin' Butts!
- Sergie: I have earned my fortune. It is American dream.
- Lily: This is Japan!
- Sergie: It is Japanese dream then.
Like Ozu, Like Son
- Mitsuki: What's the matter, Mikey?
- Lily: Another restaurant ban you for picking your nose with chopsticks?
- [Gonard picks up greeting card Mikey dropped]
- Gonard: [reading card] Happy Birthday to the world's greatest son. MOG! It's my birthday!?
- Gonard: I know how to turn that frown upside down. [Gonard starts doing a stand up comedy routine] How 'bout that Ozu folks? I mean he's so old, I told him to act his age and he died! And his shoes, hiyo!
- Lily: There's no way you two taught that bird to fly.
- Guano: What are you even doing here?
- Lily: [chuckles] Mocking you.
- Gonard: Don't listen to 'em Reggie, you'll show 'em. You'll show 'em all! [serious tone] especially Mitsuki.
- Mitsuki: What!?
- [Talking about the shark]
- Mikey: It didn't hurt anyone expect us and Yes Man and the shark that ate Yes Man.
- [Scene switches to Yes Man inside the shark]
- Yes Man: It's cozy in here!
La Femme Mitsuki
- [Mikey trying to get someone to go to a movie with him]
- Mikey: Doesn't anyone here want to go with me?
- Dr. Igor: I won't go with you, but maybe I'll see you there. (Ominous music)
- [Mikey and Mitsuki looking puzzled]
- Dr. Igor: [embarrassed] I work part-time as an usher.
- Mikey: Now we've got copies of all your files and all your poems. [clearing throat] 'The lonely man in the mailbox' by Agent F.
- Agent F: Stop! That's private!
- Mikey: Okay Mitsuki, I want answers. Who was that guy? Where'd you learn those moves? What did you get me for my birthday? Answer in any order you like.
- Gonard: But what if space is time and what if time is space? And what if space is space?... Are you gonna finish that sandwich?
The Oni Express
- Ozu: Yes Man, where have you been?
- Yes Man: A magic orb stole my soul!
- Ozu: Again?
- Mitsuki: This Oni mask is our most precious artifact, it's over six thousand years old.
- Gonard: It has a very special purpose.
- [Lily pulls down on one of the mask's horns, a drink dispenses from the mask's nostrils]
- Mikey: Woah!
- Mikey: I'm so pathetic. What kind of man can't even overpower a whale with his bare hands?
Season 2 (2007–08)
Mikey at the Bat
Go Nard Hunting
The Masked Tanuki
- Mitsuki: There's only one man lonely enough to have that many cats.
- Lily: Yes Man?
- Mitsuki: No. Well, yes, but I was thinking the Cat Burglar.
Back To School
Night of the Werepuff
- Lily: Here we are. I'm betting anything Mikey's inside.
- Mitsuki: But there are thousands of clothing stores in Tokyo. What makes you think he's in this one?
- Lily: Just a hunch. Plus there are hundreds of people running out screaming.
- [sees crowd running out and screaming from the front door]
- Mitsuki: Oh.
- Mitsuki: Lily, quit it! We need to fix Mikey by midnight, or he'll be like this forever!
- Lily: Works for me.
- Lily: You know, I guess I always felt there was something keeping us apart. Now I know that something was Mikey's voice, face, body and texture. But that's all changed now.
- Guano: All my life, the tall furry guys always get everything, and the short furry guys just get kicked around. Well, I'm sick of it. Have I not fur? Do I not shed? I'm onto you, werepuffs. One day you'll slip up. And I'll be waiting!
- Mitsuki: (tearing up) I'm just so glad for them. Seeing those two together is like a dream come true. (blows nose) If I could tell those lovers one thing, it'd probably be... (cries)
- [Werepuff kidnaps Lily]
- Guano: What was that?
- Gonard: Oh yeah. In a part, he mentioned that he really dug on Lily.
- Mitsuki: Oh. They always go for the blonde.
The Karaoke Episode
Seven From LilyMu
Mikey and the Pauper
The Clip Show
- [Mikey puts farting powder on Gonard's ice cream, pretending it is sprinkles]
- Mitsuki: Ooooh! Mint chip, my favorite!
- Mikey: Actually, this is really for Gonard.
- Mitsuki: One bite couldn't hurt.
- Mikey: Come on Mitsuki. Do you really need the carbs?
- Mitsuki: I'll take my chances. [tastes the ice cream] Mmmmm!
- Speakerphone: Places everyone. Broadcasting is in less than one minute.
- Mikey: Uh oh.
- Mikey: Mitsuki, help!
- Dadzuki: I'm coming Mikey!
- Mikey: Wow, [Dadzuki lifts him up] you're hands are strong and hairy. Thanks, Mitsuki, you're a lifesaver.
- Dadzuki: Not so fast! You see, I'm not Mitsuki at all.
- Mikey: Huh?
- Gonard, Lily, and Guano: Huh?
- Dadzuki: Yes, it is I Dadzuki, the father of Mitsuki.
- [Mikey, Gonard, Guano, and Lily gasps]
The Wizard of Ozu
- [last lines]
- Mikey: There's no place like home! Right, Gonard?
- Michael Sinterniklaas as Mikey Simon
- Sean Schemmel as Gonard
- Gary Mack as Guano
- Kether Donohue as Lily
- Carrie Keranen as Mitsuki
- Stephen Moverly as Ozu
- Jesse Adams as Yes Man