Kid Icarus: Uprising
Kid Icarus: Uprising is a video game published by Nintendo, following a young angel (Pit) and the Goddess of Light he loyally serves (Lady Palutena), in their efforts to defeat the evil Underworld Army and protect humanity. Their quest brings them into contact with a collection of heroes and villains, including Magnus, the swordsman, Medusa, the queen of the Underworld and Dark Pit, a moody doppleganger who both helps and hinders Pit. The game features multiple scenarios covered chapter by chapter, where cinemtatic dialogue between characters plays usually without interrupting gameplay.
Please note: This article may contain spoilers for those who have yet to complete the game.
- Listen well, Medusa. Your days of darkness are numbered. Prepare to meet the light!
- (Early line spoken by Pit, protagonist of the story)
- 1 Chapter 1 - The Return of Palutena
- 2 Chapter 2 - Magnus and the Dark Lord
- 3 Chapter 3 - Heads of the Hewdraw
- 4 Chapter 5 - Pandora's Labyrinth of Deceit
- 5 Chapter 6 - Dark Pit
- 6 Chapter 7 - The Seafloor Palace
- 7 Chapter 9 - Medusa's Final Battle
- 8 Chapter 10 - The Wish Seed
- 9 Chapter 11 - Viridi, Goddess of Nature
- 10 Chapter 13 - The Lunar Sanctum
- 11 Chapter 15 - Mysterious Invaders
- 12 Chapter 16 - The Aurum Hive
- 13 Chapter 17 - The Aurum Brain
- 14 Chapter 18 - The Ring of Chaos
- 15 Chapter 19 - The Lightning Chariot
- 16 Chapter 20 - Palutena's Temple
- 17 Chapter 21 - The Chaos Vortex
- 18 Chapter 22 - Scorched Feathers
- 19 Chapter 23 - Lord of the Underworld
- 20 Chapter 24 - The Three Trials
- 21 Chapter 25 - The War's End
- 22 Dialogue about weapons
- 23 Extra/Secret dialogue
- 24 External links
Chapter 1 - The Return of Palutena
- Pit: Sorry to keep you waiting! It's been too long Lady Palutena..!
Palutena: We can chat later Pit, but now it's time to fight. The Underworld army is invading!
Pit: (Being ambushed by an enemy) Whoa! You weren't kidding. If these are Underworld troops, are you saying Medusa's been-?
Palutena: Resurrected, yes. Though the Goddess of Darkness was defeated long ago, she's back now. And as the Goddess of Light, it's my duty to protect humanity from her.
Pit: Eh, you worry too much!
- Pit: Medusa!!
Medusa: Hello there, Pit. And you too, Palutena. Here to crash my homecoming party?
Palutena: Uh... This really doesn't look like much of a party...
Medusa: What better way to celebrate my return with a festive little bloodbath? After all, I have been gone for 25 years.
Pit: They're moving their attack to the ground!
Palutena: Then so are we!
Pit: I can't believe I'm actually flying!
Palutena: The Power of Flight is my gift to you. I'll control your routes so you can focus on battle. But I can only maintain this power for five minutes at a time. After that, your wings will burn up and you'll fall.
Pit: You have no idea how embarrassing it is to be an angel who can't fly on his own. But thanks for your help. Without you, I'd be finished!
Palutena: Your destination said come into view.
Pit: Now they're attacking the town? This isn't right!
Palutena: The people need your help. I better get you over there.
- Pit: Do you hear that? Do you hear the people's cheers?! They're celebrating the return of the Goddess Palutena!
- Pit: TWINBELLOWS!
Palutena: The Underworld's faithful watchdog.
Pit: Old Pit's gonna teach you some NEW tricks. Now play dead!
Chapter 2 - Magnus and the Dark Lord
- Pit: Ugh, this weather's nasty...
Palutena: Yes, but your next mission can't wait. You must defeat Dark Lord Gaol.
Pit: Heh heh, Dark Lord? Seriously? Hasn't the Dark Lord thing been done to death?
Palutena: He's earned it. He's working for Medusa. Her forces are coming from HIS castle. A human army is going to fight him, but they don't stand a chance.
Pit: So what you're saying is you need a brave hero to face the Dark Lord?
Palutena: I suppose it IS an old story, but don't forget this is the Underworld Army we're dealing with, and anybody with the title Dark Lord isn't going to be some low level minion.
Pit: So what are we talking about here? Mini-boss? Final boss? Well, whatever. I hope this Dark Lord's ready for a hot plate of punishment!
- Palutena: Dark Lord Gaol's castle is up ahead.
Pit: But... But what about that wall?
Palutena: Don't worry, I'll help you over.
Pit: (suddenly flying vertically at high speed) WhooooooooooaaaaaAAAAAAAAA! G-G Force in my faaaaaaaaace!!
Palutena: It's fun, right?
- Palutena: He's using this castle as a stronghold for Underworld monsters. Monsters designed to reek havoc and sow sadness... Are you excited?!
Pit: *tuts* Yeah. It's like a birthday party where everyone wants to kill me.
- Palutena: I'm sensing treasure somewhere to your left
Pit:How do you know that?
Palutena: From the heavens, I can see through your laurel crown to divine your surroundings.
Pit: Really? That's amazing!
Palutena: And that's not all I can see, Pit. I can also see what's in your heart.
Pit: ... Oh... Heh heh... That's really...something.
Palutena: So you'd better not be thinking about anything...naughty.
Pit: What?! How did you--?!
Palutena: Just kidding. Seriously, reading hearts through laurel crowns?
Pit: I know... I was...also kidding.
Palutena: Sure you were.
- Palutena: He (Magnus) may not be made of the sturdiest moral fibre, but that's fine with me.
Pit: I'm surprised you feel that way.
Palutena: Humans are driven by desire. It's convinient to know what bait they'll chase!
Pit: That's kinda cold, but I guess it makes sense...
Magnus: Hey. If you're chatting with your precious goddess, give her a message from me. Tell her she's been sleeping on the job! My world's on the edge of collapse!
Palutena: I take it back. This guy's a jerk.
- Pit: Wait, is this...? Hah! It is! A hot spring!
Magnus: Apparently, someone likes his spa time.
Pit: Ahhh... Now that's what I'm talking about!
Magnus: You go in fully dressed? Don't you at least want to change into a... swimming tunic or something?
Pit: Oh, no no no! The angel's code of conduct says that we must always be ready for duty.
Magnus: I guess you wouldn't be an angel if you didn't do things by the book.
Pit: Yeah... and I don't want to steam the sacred buns.
Magnus: We're done talking about this.
Chapter 3 - Heads of the Hewdraw
- Left Hewdraw Head: Hello there!
Middle Hewdraw Head: It's snack time!
Right Hewdraw Head: Mmm, what a tender little morsel!
Pit: I am NOT a piece of meat!
Right Hewdraw Head: What did you say?
Middle Hewdraw Head: Technically, you are.
Left Hewdraw Head: Just come a little closer.
Pit: Get ready, 'cause it's time for--
(All three heads speak simultaneously)
Right Hewdraw Head: Total Annihilation!
Left Hewdraw Head: Bone-crushing destruction!
Middle Hewdraw Head: Face-stomping carnage!
Middle Hewdraw Head: It was MY turn to have the last word!
Left Hewdraw Head: Oh, give it a rest.
Right Hewdraw Head: Let's not argue in front of company.
Middle Hewdraw Head: Cram a sock in it, foot face!
Left Hewdraw Head: I'm sooo sick of you guys.
Right Hewdraw Head: Me?! What did I do?!
Left Hewdraw Head: Knock it off already!
Right Hewdraw Head: YOU knock it off!
Middle Hewdraw Head: I can't believe this is my life.
Left Hewdraw Head: Can we go home and watch TV now?
Right Hewdraw Head: Would everyone just shut it!?
Middle Hewdraw Head: Someone put me out of my misery.
Right Hewdraw Head: Did I mention I'm starving?
Middle Hewdraw Head: And you think we're not?
Pit: Um... now what?
Palutena: This is never going to end. Just go ahead and attack.
All Hewdraw Heads: EVERYONE SHUT UP AND FOCUS!
- Left Hewdraw Head: I never noticed this before, but you really have a certain "Je ne sais quoi."
Pit: I'm not sure what you mean by that.
Left Hewdraw Head: It's French... for I'M GONNA EAT YOU!
- Right Hewdraw Head: I have a special treat for you! But you have to come get it.
Palutena: Don't believe him, Pit.
Right Hewdraw Head: Why shouldn't he? Look at this face! I'm totally trustworthy!
- Left Hewdraw Body: No! I'm too pretty to die! (disappears)
Pit: And there you have it. Victorious.
Palutena: Good work. Let's be on our way.
- Middle Hewdraw Body: So you finished off the others, eh?
Pit: You know it!
Middle Hewdraw Body: Then you've saved the best for last! Let's get down to BUSINESS!
- Middle Hewdraw Body: Look how far you've come Pit. I'm proud of you... (disappears)
Pit: Huh... You don't normally meet such nice bosses.
- Right Hewdraw Body: B-Before I die, I just wanna say- (disappears)
Pit: And that's the end of him!
Palutena: I wonder what he was going to say?
Chapter 5 - Pandora's Labyrinth of Deceit
- Pit: What's an Exo-Tank doing here anyway?
Pandora: I wanted to get my driver's license. So I whipped up a little parking lot to practice in. But then it hit me. How am I supposed to steer without hands?
Pit: How'd you build a parking lot without hands?
Pandora: Hard work and determination.
- Pandora: Do I look like a strategy guide? In case you haven't noticed, This isn't the Ask Auntie Pandora Hour!
Pit: She makes a good point. Especially when she yells.
- Pit: Whoa! Now this takes me back! Ah, memories...
- Pandora: (sarcastic) You made it. Yay.
Pit: Pandora! Underling of Medusa floating before me! It's time for you to atone for your crimes. I am Pit, servant of the Goddess of light! And you. Are. History!
Palutena: What was that all about?
- Pit: What the...?
(The camera moves up and focuses on another version of Pit wearing black instead of white)
Dark Pit: Hey.
Pandora: Let's get right into introductions, this here is Dark Pit. He'll be your escort out of this life...
(Instead of following Pandora's orders, Dark Pit backhands her.)
Dark Pit: Speak for yourself.
- Dark Pit: (after kicking Pit in the stomach) That's for ripping off my look!
Pit: I'm the original here!
(Dark Pit ran into Pandora's remains and picks up her powers)
Palutena: What are you doing?!
(Dark Pit activates the power of flight)
Dark Pit: Just making sure Pandora's powers don't go to waste.
Pit: He can fly?
Palutena: If he has Pandora's powers, he could be allied with Medusa. We need to follow him.
Chapter 6 - Dark Pit
- Palutena: Somewhere within these ruins is Pittoo.
Pit: Um... Gesundheit?
Palutena: No, Pittoo. As in Pit-Two. As in Dark Pit. Pretty good nickname I came up with, huh?
Pit: But not as great as Ptooey, right? Riiiiiiight?
- Dark Pit: Bring it, puppet!
Pit: Who're you calling a puppet?!
Dark Pit: Palutena says "Jump" you jump. She says "Fight" you fight. It sounds like a very satisfying existence... for her that is.
Pit: I have absolute faith in Lady Palutena!
Dark Pit: The Mirror of Truth doesn't lie. I'm a reflection of your true self, so maybe your faith in her isn't quite so absolute after all.
Pit: What would YOU know about faith, you treacherous black heart?! Lady Palutena always guides me the right way, that's why I follow her. And the Mirror of Truth you mentionned? It's nothing more than a pane of lies! Pandora was just using it as bait.
Dark Pit: Looks like I touched a nerve. Methinks the puppet doth protest too much...
Pit: Oh will you give it a rest already?!
Dark Pit: Ok, fine. Do what you want... or rather keep doing what SHE wants. But I for one refuse to be a puppet. These wings take me where I want to go.
Chapter 7 - The Seafloor Palace
- Tanatos: Oh goodie! Guests! Protecting an impregnable fortress can get awfully lonely!
Palutena: Is that you Tanatos?
Thanatos: Actually, I go by "Thanatos" now. The extra H is for HAMAZING!
Pit: ...Have we met before?
Thanatos: I'm wounded, truely I am. I know it's been a while, but surely you haven't forgotten your old foe.
Pit: Sorry...there are just so many foes and only one of me.
Palutena: You know we've crushed Medusa's other commanders, Thanatos. Just give us the key to the Underworld, and we won't be forced to harm you.
Thanatos: Hoo hoo hoo! Impatient as always, I see! But since you've come all this way...wouldn't you like to stay and catch up for a bit? Oh, pretty please?
Palutena: So you're not going to give up the key.
Thanatos: No need to get all huffy now! I'll have you know that I much prefer honey to vinegar. And I prefer witty repartee to any condiment!
Pit: This is getting nowhere. Our goal here is to track down Medusa, right?
Palutena: Yes, Thanatos is basically Medusa's right-hand man. That's why he has the only key to the Underworld.
Thanatos: I have no such thing! None whatsoever! Honestly. HONESTLY.
Pit: How did THIS guy get to be Medusa's second in command?
Palutena: Beats me. Seniority?
Thanatos: Helloooo? It's rude to exclude!
Pit: Okay, if Thanatos won't give up the key, we'll have to take it from him.
Palutena: The longer we wait, the more we have to lose. We need to strike soon. We only have a little way to go, so buckle down.
Pit: I'm buckled and ready!
Thanatos: Yoo hoo! Can you hear me? I'd like to be a part of this conversation please!
Pit: Shut it already!
Thanatos: Me? But you've been talking this whole game!
Chapter 9 - Medusa's Final Battle
- Pit: TWINBELLOWS! Here boy! Old Pit's gonna teach you even MORE new tricks! And if you're good, I'll take you for a walk, and give you a bath, and a treat! We're gonna rack up some serious NINTENDOGS trainer points together!
Palutena: Focus, Pit.
- Pit: We did it! We really did it!
Palutena: Congratulations! I know it wasn't always easy.
Pit: Aw, but it was so worth it! With the world at peace again, even the sun feels warmer.
Palutena: Aw, you're so cute, Pit.
(Both start laughing)
Mysterious voice: Now wait just a second.
Palutena: Did you hear something?
Mysterious voice: I said wait just a second.
Pit: I've got to be hearing things.
Mysterious voice: Ha ha ha ha ha! (Tears the credits away)
Pit: Who's Hades?
Palutena: The true Master of the Underworld.
Hades: Sorry to keep YOU waiting. But now that I'm here, let's get this party started. Welcome to MY underworld, Pitty Pat. You too, pretty Palutena.
Palutena: I'm... honored you know who I am.
Hades: So this little angel took down big, bad, Medusa all by himself. What an accomplishment! Goodness, you should put this on your resume!
Pit: Uh, what's with this guy?
Hades: But before you do, you should know that I whipped up that Medusa especially for you.
Palutena: Wait, how!?
Hades: Add a pinch of memories to a ton of souls. Put them in a blender and hit frappé!
Pit: Explain yourself!
Hades: Her thirst for revenge was so great, it seemed a shame to let it go to waste. Oh, pretty Palutena... you must have done a real number on her.
Palutena: I won't deny that.
Hades: But she's old news, and old news bores me. We must look to the future, and that future is me, the true leader of the Underworld! Next to me, little Miss Medusa's going to look like a sweet, cuddly bunny.
Palutena: No! This can't be happening!
Hades: I must bid you adieu.
Chapter 10 - The Wish Seed
- Palutena: Look, Pit! A hot spring!
Pit: Score! Who's got two thumbs and loves hot springs?! Everyone with two thumbs!
- (If the wish seed wasn't destroyed during the fight with the Phoenix)
Palutena: Quickly, Pit! Destroy the wish seed!
Pit: On it! Wait, GET AWAY!
(A skuttler and a magmoo fight over the wish seed until it blows up)
Pit: It just blew up! Well that proves it's a fake...
Hades: Oh please! The beacon tells the humans of the phoenix's defeat! And that will make them think that someone has taken the wish seed. Now I'll just give them a little nudge. People of the world, the wish Seed has been liberated! This is your chance to fulfill your wildest dreams! All you have to do is conquer anyone in your way!
Pit: The people will NOT be so easily deceived!
Palutena: I wish that were true, but I foresee major bloodshed. This is all my fault.
- (If the wish seed was destroyed during the fight with the Phoenix)
Pit: Now everyone will know the Wish Seed was a fake!
Hades: No no no. That beacon shows the world that the Phoenix has been defeated! Which will only make the humans believe that someone has taken the Wish Seed. Now I'll just give them a little nudge. People of the world, the wish Seed has been liberated! This is your chance to fulfill your wildest dreams! All you have to do is conquer anyone in your way!
Pit: The people will NOT be so easily deceived!
Palutena: I wish that were true, but I foresee major bloodshed. This is all my fault.
Chapter 11 - Viridi, Goddess of Nature
- Pit: (After avoiding a reset bomb) W-what was that?
Viridi: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Nice shot, if I do say so myself! Good riddance, human scum! The world's better of without you!
Palutena: That was the goddess of Nature, Viridi.
- Pit: Good! There are survivors!
Palutena: They're a stubborn bunch hanging on like that. Set as many free as you can.
Pit: Uh... stubborn?
Palutena: Oh! I didn't mean it like that..!
Viridi: Maybe what you meant to say was "insignificant?"
- Pit: (upon meeting a Jitterthug) Man, look at the face on this guy!
Viridi: That's a Jitterthug. Melee attacks won't hurt him at all when he's red. And when he's green, shooting him won't work! What are you going to do now?
Pit: Uh... I guess I'll just melee him when he's green and shoot him when he's red!
Viridi: But... Oh, darn it!
Palutena: Thanks for the advice!
- Pit: (while fighting Cragalanche) Guy dosn't talk much, does he?
Viridi: He's a rock. Last I checked, they're more the strong, silent type. Tell you what - I'll do the talking for him. CRAGALANCHE CRUSH!
- Pit: It looks like there's a weak spot on his butt!
Viridi: Gah! Oh, he was supposed to get that fixed!
Pit Thanks for the tip.
Viridi: I didn't say anything.
Pit: It's butt kicking time. Literally!
Viridi: Oh shut up! You're not clever at all!
Chapter 13 - The Lunar Sanctum
- Pit: (singing) #Again today, I will go soaring through the sky! My enemies, I'll dish 'em up in a stir fry! Gracious Goddess o-of Light, watches from up above! At dinner time, I always show the cook some love!#
Palutena: What are you singing?
Pit: Just this little victory song I made up.
- (Dark Pit shows up in front of the core of the Lunar Sanctum)
Dark Pit: Seriously, that is the last time I wanna hear 'Pittoo'!
Palutena: Arlon, did you call Pittoo here?
Arlon: I most certainly did.
Palutena: He's not usually one to follow orders. How did you persuade him?
Arlon: Quite simple actually, just the mention of young master Pit's presence, was enough to send his twin running here.
Palutena: Pittoo just isn't happy unless he's fighting someone.
Dark Pit: You say that like it's a bad thing!
Chapter 15 - Mysterious Invaders
- Pyrrhon: Villains are no match for Pyrrhon!
Palutena: Pyrrhon? The sun god Pyrrhon?
Pyrrhon: The one and only!
Pit: This wacko's the sun god?
Viridi: Well, that's what he calls himself, anyway.
Pyrrhon: Ah! So you're all together?! Good! Pyrrhon loves a party!
Palutena: Listen, do you know anything about these enemies?
Pyrrhon: Of course! They're the Aurum, and THIS passel of floating islands is just one of their bases.
Hades: Just ONE of their bases!? How much more hell DO they plan to raise?
Pyrrhon: Let me drop a little knowledge on you!
Viridi: (Sarcastic) Oh, goody.
Pyrrhon: It's all in the Book of Divine Prophecy, chapter 84, section 3. "Beckoned by destruction and corruption, the Aurum are born from and return to nothing. They travel across the galaxy to swallow up the heavens, land and seas."
Viridi: I don't remember that passage.
Pyrrhon: I'll break it down for you, godlings. The Aurum are gonna eat the entire earth! But stow your fear. Pyrrhon has a delivery, and the return address is "justice".
- Pit: Hey look! An Exo-Tank!
Hades: Hey look! Who cares?
- Pit: Woo-hoo-hoo! A hot-spr-! (the hot spring is carried away on a platform) Where's it going?! Get back here hot spring!
Paltuena: Don't worry, there are stairs to your right that'll take you to it.
Pit: I love you, hot spring!!
- Pit: (attacked by a Mimicutie enemy) No, no, no, no, no, no...
Hades: What elegance! What grace! What disturbing brutality..!
Pit: No, no, no, no, no, no!!
Chapter 16 - The Aurum Hive
- Viridi: None of these battleships seem to have a helm...
Palutena: And I'm not detecting any lifeforms in the ships either.
Viridi: Something has to be controlling them!
Hades: (in a robotic voice) We are from outer spaaaaaaaaace.
Palutena: Yes, yes. You're hilarious.
- Pit: So now what? We just go home and order a pizza?
Palutena: I DO have a coupon...
Viridi: You two have more pedestrian tastes than I expected.
Hades: Don't curse the darkness. Light a candle! When freaky aliens give you lemons, make freaky alien lemonade. Like THIS!! (slams an Aurum ship right into the hull of the Hive)
Pit: Wah! Well, that's one way to do it.
Viridi: That. Was. AWESOME.
- Palutena: Look, an Aether Ring.
Viridi It's probably just another cheap, Aurum knock-off.
Pit: I don't care. If it works I'm gonna use it. I'm an angel, and this is how we get things done.
Viridi: No, that's how scavengers get things done. Are you a buzzard, Pit?
Palutena: Now, now. I think we can all agree that Pit's not a buzzard... Though I have seen him eat some questionable things off the ground.
Pit: "Floor Ice Cream" gives you health!!
Chapter 17 - The Aurum Brain
- Pit: So this is the Aurum Brain...
Pyrrhon: Do your thing, Pit. You know, your... shooting thing.
- Pit: I don't even know what happened in there! Did Pyrrhon make it out?
Pyrrhon: Ha ha ha ha ha! HA HA HA HA HA HA! Nicely done!
Pyrrhon: Thanks to you, Pyrrhon has leveled up! I am now a Level Infinity Epic Super God... Plus! Ultimate Power is now Pyrrhon's!
Pit: What are you talking about?
Pyrrhon: This is what I'm talking about!
(The Aurum change from green to red)
Pit: The Aurum troops changed color!
Pyrrhon: HA HA HA HA HA HA! I'm pulling the Aurum strings now! Not even the combined power of the Gods can stop me!
Hades: Oh snap! Poor Pitty got duped!
Chapter 18 - The Ring of Chaos
- Magnus: Hot springs don't usually heal humans. You must be having an effect on me.
Pit: THIS is how you enjoy a hot spring! Step 1: Breathe deep. Step 2: Clear mind.
Pit: Step 3: Remove pants!
Magnus: Wait, what? No, those are MY pants!
- Pit: I missed you, Lady Palutena! I'm so glad you're back to lead me!
Viridi: Right. About that...
Pit: Huh?! Viridi?
Viridi: That's right. I'm the one controlling your flight path.
Pit: Really? How is that even possible?
Viridi: Don't you know? Anything Palutena can do, I can do better! So, do you want my help or not?
Pit: Actually, I was just thinking about how nice it would be to fly on my own.
Viridi: Yeah? Not an option.
- Palutena: Well, it's been a while, Pit.
Pit: It's like the entire world's been turned upside down! What's going on?
Palutena: Everything changes, Pit. Even Gods. And to be frank, I'm tired of fighting for those ungrateful humans. And I'm especially tired of dealing with you! (Throws a piece of rubble at him)
Viridi: You heard her. This is real.
Chapter 19 - The Lightning Chariot
- Pit: why does the Chariot Master have a vehicle of the gods?
Chariot Master: Isn't it obvious?
Viridi: Are you saying you're a God?
Chariot Master: I'm not saying anything.
Viridi: [Frustrated] Augh! Then why even bring it up?
- Pit: Sooo... Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
Viridi: You know that saying that there are no bad questions? Well there are. And this is one of them. WE ARE NOT THERE YET! But I do wish there was a way to speed up this process.
- Chariot Master: If you want the lightning Chariot, you must prove your worth.
Viridi: You need two unicorns to pull the Lightning Chariot. That means you have to defeat the Chariot Master and get the other one.
Pit: That won't be a problem!
Chariot Master: Now let's begin.
Pit: This isn't how I wanted things to go, but I have to save Lady Palutena.
Chariot Master: I understand better than you know. For my own master, I would not hesitate to dirty these hands.
Pit: So you serve someone as well?
Chariot Master: I did. I've suffered countless war wounds, but none greater than the loss of my master. I once had many comrades in arms. But they too have returned to the dust. All I have left in this life are my faithful steeds, Phos and Lux.
Chariot Master: My body has long since degraded, and now my soul grows thin. The warrior's path inevitably leads to loss. I have no qualms about this. But you are no warrior, angel. Tell me, why do you fight?
Pit: I fight for Lady Palutena! And I fight for the people under her protection!
Chariot Master: That's not reason enough for an angel.
Pit: Who are you to question my reasons? My choices are my own. And I choose to serve the goddess of light!
Chapter 20 - Palutena's Temple
- Pit: So, Viridi, tell me about this Chaos Kin you mentioned earlier.
Viridi: Oh, right, I almost forgot. Little is known about the Chaos kin except for this. It takes its victims back to its nest, the Chaos Vortex, and consumes their souls.
Pit: Well, that's disturbing.
Viridi: It melts them down and then slowly chews away at them. Even more frightening is the Chaos Kin's ability to control the soul's owner.
Pit: Does that mean that Lady Palutena is under the Chaos Kin's control right now?
Viridi: It's very likely. And as for who turned you into a ring, who would be capable of such a thing? You yourself admitted that Palutena's put you in some very dangerous situations.
Pit: She must have been acting under the Chaos Kin's control. But there's no time to think about that. I have to save Lady Palutena before the Chaos Kin consumes her soul.
Viridi: You think it starts from her head or her feet? Big bites or tiny nibbles?
Pit: (Disturbed) Wow, Viridi. just... Wow.
- Viridi: All right! It's finally time to save Palutena.
Hades: "Save Palutena"? Don't you mean "crush Palutena"?
Pit: (annoyed) Go home, Hades. Just go home.
Chapter 21 - The Chaos Vortex
- Pit: Seriously, now what?
Viridi: They seem to be your shadows.
Pit: What? They don't look anything like me! First of all I'm much more attractive!
Viridi: Honestly, it's like you WANT me to insult you.
Pit: No! You just do it anyway!
- Dark Pit: Then it's time.
Pit: Time for what?
Dark Pit: Our pre-boss-battle rallying cry!
Pit: Oh, right. OK. Ahem. Filth of the land, hear our words!
Dark Pit: And see our actions!
Pit: I am Pit, servant of the goddess of light!
Dark Pit: And I am Dark Pit, servant to no other but myself!
Pit and Dark Pit: Together we will rain death upon you!
Dark Pit: So, anyone who wants to die, step right up!
Pit: And anyone who doesn't want to die, too bad!
Pit and Dark Pit: Aw, yeah!
- Pit: Viridi! I need to fly!
Viridi: You already used the Power of Flight, don't you remember? If I enable it again now, your wings will catch fire!
Pit: The Chaos Kin is going to destroy Pittoo! Can't you see what's at stake here? I don't care if my wings catch fire!
Viridi: No way, just forget it. I'm pulling you out!
Pit: No! Stop! If we don't help him right now, we won't get another chance. I'm begging you Viridi... Let me fly! NOW!
Viridi: Ugh. Fine! But whatever happens to you isn't my fault!
(Viridi activates the power of flight and Pit's wings begin to burn)
Viridi: Hang in there Pit, be strong!
Dark Pit: Help me...!
Pit catches up to, and rescues Dark Pit, and Viridi pulls him to safety
Dark Pit: H-How's Pit?
Viridi: Pit... Pit's in bad shape. He can't fly. He's barely breathing. (Palutena approaches Pit, and holds him in her arms) Palutena? What are you doing?
Pit (flashback) My wish would be to fly by myself.
Pit (flashback) I'll return to Skyworld victorious!
Palutena: Oh, Pit...
Chapter 22 - Scorched Feathers
- Dark Pit: What kind of city IS this?
Palutena: It's unlike any earthly city, the spirits of the dead gather here.
Dark Pit: So basically this is the Underworld?
Hades: You got it!
(Hades apears in the city near Dark Pit)
Dark Pit: Oh it's you.
Hades: Our hero is looking a little goth today. I hope the stresses of life haven't gotten you down. Heh That would be ever so tragic.
Dark Pit: No one's listening.
Hades: It's hilarious how you have no sense of humor! But that sour puss attitude is going to give you an ulser someday.
- Palutena: Remember when I said that some souls get eaten?
Viridi: Well, here's the hideous devourer of souls himself!
[The Soul-Eating Monster appears]
Dark Pit: You weren't kidding about the hideous part!
Hades: I find him quite adorable, actually. And souls CAN be very delicious. Luckily, they don't possess personalities or anything like that.
Dark Pit: What-They don't?
Hades: Of course not! Souls have no more personality than blood or bone. They're just another resource to harvest from living beings.
Viridi: Your disregard for life is just astounding. Could you be any more callous?
Hades: Well, I could try. You know, souls are a bit like taffy. Sweet enough to eat, but pliable enough to mold into any shape I can imagine.
Viridi: I don't even... That's just so... Um... Nuh uh!
Hades: I'd love to get my hands on Pittooey's soul. So dark, so chewy, so malleable! A powerful spirit like that shouldn't be wasted on Ol' Chomper's lunch.
Chapter 23 - Lord of the Underworld
- (If playing the chapter without the Three Sacred Treasures)
Hades:Oh, not bad, Pitty Pat!
Pit:That's right! You'd better watch yourself!
Hades: Now isn't that just... PRECIOUS! (Blows Pit away with a burp)
Pit: Ah-oooooooooooh! Ungh!
Hades: Now that felt good!
Palutena: Are you OK there, Pit?
Pit: Hades has got some raunchy breath!
Hades: That's really the least of your concerns!
- (If playing the chapter with the Three Sacred Treasures)
Hades: Ooh! Do I spy with my little eye the Three Sacred Treasures?
Pit: Even your darkness can't hide from the light!
Hades: Now isn't that just... PRECIOUS! (Destroys the Three Sacred Treasures)
Pit: Ah-oooooooooooh! Ungh!
Hades: Now that felt good!
Palutena: Not the Three Sacred Treasures!
Pit: What?! NO!
Hades: Not quite so tough now, are ya?
- Pit: Hm, What's that?
Hades: Viridi can't seem to mind her own business. Pardon me, if you will, I must go entertain my guests.
Pit: Hello? If Viridi's army's attacking, they're doing it awfully quietly. [Imitating Viridi] "At least I'M doing something, Pit! you're such a slacker! Ugh!" I really need to stop talking to myself.
- Hades: That really hurt. But hey... At least I'm not dead.
Chapter 24 - The Three Trials
- Palutena: Given the current circumstances, I don't see how we can defeat Hades.
Pit: So you got us some help?
Palutena: Not yet. That's why we're going to meet Dyntos.
Pit: Cool! I can't wait to meet the God of Snacks!
Palutena: Actually, he's the God of the Forge. He made the Three Sacred Treasures. He creates ALL weapons, even that sad little one you're using now.
Pit: It's not sad, it's awesome!
Palutena: Thanks to Hades, the Three Sacred Treasures are out of commission. But I'm hoping Dyntos will create a new weapon for you.
Pit: A superpowered one, right?
Palutena: Yes, but I should warn you-
Pit: Good thing he's on our side!
Palutena: Well, not yet.
- Dyntos: Wha ha ha ho ho! Why, hello there, Palutena. And hello to your little helper as well!
Pit: Hey, Dyntos!
Dyntos: That's Lord Dyntos to you, sonny!
Palutena: I apologize for his impertinence, sir. Ahem, so do you know why we're here?
Dyntos: Of course! You want to slay Hades to protect the celestial balance.
Palutena: That's exactly right.
Dyntos: Oh, to be young, energetic... and have a head stuffed with wool! I jest, I jest. I like the cut of your jib! If you can make it all the way to me AND pass my three trials, I'll lend you a hand.
- Pit: So what's the story with that place, anyway?
Dyntos: That, my winged friend, was a Zodiac Chamber. As you know, Zodiac Chambers contain special weapons and powers. You did know that, didn't you?
Palutena: Information sharing is performed on a strictly need-to-know basis.
- Pit: All right, that's the last of them! Can I have my new weapon now?
Dyntos: Not so fast. Do you remember the name of this chapter?
Pit: Uh... wasn't it "The One Trial" or something?
Dyntos: You're a couple trials short there, sonny!
Chapter 25 - The War's End
- Hades: Playing hard to get, are you? (Begins running after Pit)
Hades: Good thing I've been training!
Viridi: It's kinda like watching an elephant sprint!
- Hades: Ow!
Pit: Did I beat him?
Hades: No, I'm fine. But I could've sprained my ankle, you know! Good thing... I DIDN'T!
Pit: What's the matter, Hades? You had enough?
Hades: Oh, no! I'm just getting started! Let's see if you can keep up! (Flies off)
Pit: You can't run from me! Engaging Pursuit mode!
- Viridi: He's covered from head to toe in weaponry. Like a rainbow apocalypse.
Hades: I prefer to think of it as my devastation ensemble. I only wear it for very special occasions. You know, weddings, armageddons...
- Palutena and Viridi: (in Unison, after Medusa punched Hades to save Pit) Medusa?!
Palutena: But we defeated you! Why are you helping us?!
Medusa: Hades keeps reviving me, BUT I WON'T PLAY THE PUPPET ANYMORE!
(Medusa goes for another punch on Hades, but he catches Medusa's arm and rips it right off)
Medusa: No! How dare you?!
Hades: I am your master, Medusa, and I will revive you as many times as I desire! (grows a new head) But you've worn out your USEFULLNESS! (uppercuts Medusa and she disintigrates)
- Pit: Victory!
(The people applaud him)
Pit: Listen to those cheers! ...we did it! We saved every living thing! Everywhere!
Viridi: Not to rain on your parade, but now we're back to the real problem.
Pit: What's that?
Viridi: Humans! You might live for this adoration, but I'm not fooled by those cheers at all. Sure, Palutena says that humans are closest to the gods... But SHE can be a real sap sometimes. Why do YOU care so much about them?
Pit: Well, of all living being, humans are the only ones with "heart."
Viridi: Uh-uh, not true! All living creatures have an essence that can be described as heart.
Pit: But humans have faith and devotion. That's what I mean by heart. Only humans believe in gods... Only humans RESPECT the gods.
Viridi: Okay, A.) You're not a god. And B.) Are you saying only believers deserve protection?
Palutena: Let him enjoy his moment in the sun. He saved everyone, not just humans.
Viridi: Ugh! Then what's the point of faith and devotion anyway? Buttering up the gods to get greedy wishes granted?
Pit: That's one way of looking at it I guess.
Dialogue about weapons
- Palutena: Bows are a really good fit for you.
Pit:: Yeah, I've been using them for a long time. I used them in the last Brawl.
Palutena:: Brawl? How horrible! Were you hurt?
Pit:: No way, it was a smash!
Palutena:: I just can't imagine you in a melee.
Pit:: ...That's because I wasn't.
- Palutena: I see you have a blade there.
Pit: Yeah, it's pretty versatile.
Palutena: Did you know that some people also call the strike blades? It's a blade you can use to "strike" from a distance, hence the name.
Pit: I dunno... Strike Blade sounds more like a weapon for close combat...
Palutena: Are you the goddess here?
Pit: Um, no.
- Viridi: I see you're using a cannon, Pit.
Pit: Now THIS is a weapon worthy of the gods!
Viridi:: Oh, because gods loooove grenade launchers.
Pit: "What" launchers? I don't know what you're talking about.
Viridi: A weapon that launches explosive rounds. It won't be long before humans get their hands on these as well...
Pit: They can't be trusted with this technology! They'd go around shooting everything!
Viridi: Do you not see the irony in what you just said?
- Viridi: I always forget how big clubs are.
Pit: They're not as heavy as they look.
Viridi: Bigger isn't always better you know.
Pit: Small things please small minds.
Viridi: The best things come in small packages.
Pit: So do small potatoes!
Viridi: Great oaks from little acorns grow!
Pit: Talk softly and carry a big stick!
Viridi: The bigger they are the harder they fall!
Pit: I'm... Large and in charge?
Viridi: You're too big for your britches!
Pit: A bird in the hand will keep the doctor away?
Pit: The squeaky wheel gets the worm!
Viridi: Nope. Stop.
- Pit: I LOVE blasting through walls with clubs. It doesn't take a genius to use them!
Palutena: But even just swinging them can be really effective. If you swing them correctly, they'll deflect shots. And they pack a punch.
Pit: If an enemy just HAPPENS to be in swinging range, I won't back down!
Palutena: Remind me to stay out of swinging range.
Pit: STAY OUT OF SWINGING RANGE!
- Palutena: I see you're using a palm.
Pit: It's so convenient. I don't even have to carry anything.
Palutena: That's because it's basically a tattoo. It's different from other weapon types. The ink feeds off your life force and shoots bullets.
Pit: Are you saying that the more I shoot, the more I take off my life?
Palutena: No, no, no, nothing like that. Shoot to your heart's content. Besides, even if it did reduce your life, what can you do about it?
Pit: Uh, I could complain. Loudly.
- Pit: Aw, geez. She (Medusa) was a huge pain twenty-five years ago... and that was only in two dimensions!
- Pit: Wouldn't it be nice to be a goldfish?
Palutena: Why do you say that?
Pit: It would be so easy.
Palutena: I don't know. My goldfish never lasted very long.
- Viridi: I wish I had an angel to do my bidding. It's like having an Intern.
Pit: I'm not an intern! I'm a messenger of the gods!
Viridi: Poor Pit. Don't you know that the definition of angel is "errand spirit?"
Pit: That's a lie. Right Lady Palutena? I'm not your personal assisstant!
Palutena: ...I could use a coffee.
Pit: Sure thing. Cream and two sugars, right?
- Palutena: The monster situation is quite claimant.
Pit: Is that... a good thing?
Palutena: You know, it's importunate. Or unpropitious.
Pit: Are you still speaking English right now?
Palutena: I'm sorry, Pit. I didn't mean to confuse you. Let me make this easier for you. BIG MONSTERS KILL PIT! GRR!
Pit: Ah, that makes perfect sense! Thank you!
- Hades: Tell me, Pitty Pat, why exactly can't you fly?
Pit: Oh, real original. Like I haven’t heard that one before. Not to mention, it’s NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
Hades: So sorry. I didn't realize it was such a sensitive subject.
Palutena: Oh, don’t worry about him. He’s fine. His wings just don’t work right.
Pit: Hey, whose side are you on?
- Hades: Well, I must say I am impressed. Such a teeny little angel defeating such a big, bad god of the Underworld. Why, Pitty... that must make you the most powerful Nintendo character of all time! I'm actually rather proud of you. 8-bit Pit would have never made it this far. But don't worry, I'm not going to tear up the credits again. The game really is over. Which is why I'm here to delete your save data! 1, 2, 3, GONE! (The screen goes black, but then it comes back) Nawwww, I'm just messing with you, buddy.. Settle down. Your saves are, er, safe. I mean, I don't even have a body anymore. Couldn't delete a save file if I wanted to. I'm not even sure I can be resurrected in this state. There's the real tragedy. This dashing physique, this literally godly body, gone forever?! Ladies everywhere are no doubt weeping as we speak! Your fault! Oh, well. I'll figure something out. I have, what, 25 years until the next sequel? Anywho, you can always revisit me and other...friends...in the chapters you've beat. You can play our battles over and over again like a favorite book, or a broken record! Oh, and if the mood strikes you, throw some hearts into the Fiend's Cauldron. Hearts spice up the difficulty of the level and can net you some sweet rewards! And because I'm not a sore loser, I've unlocked Boss Battle mode for you. So here's to Kid Icarus: Uprising - my new favorite game of all time. Thanks for playing! Hades...out!