L. Sprague de Camp

If I don't believe a thing is possible, I don't use it.

L. Sprague de Camp (November 27, 1907 – November 6, 2000) was an American writer of science fiction, fantasy and non-fiction. In a career spanning 60 years, he wrote over 100 books, including novels and works of non-fiction, including biographies of other fantasy authors. He was a major figure in science fiction in the 1930s and 1940s.

Quotes

Short fiction

Judgment Day (1955)

Published in Astounding, August 1955

• For thousands of years, priests and philosophers have told us to love mankind without giving any sound reason for loving the creatures. The mass of them are a lot of cruel, treacherous, hairless apes. They hate us intellectuals, longhairs, highbrows, eggheads, or double-domes, despite—or perhaps because—without us they would still be running naked in the wilderness and turning over flat stones for their meals. Love them? Hah!
  • p. 69

The Purple Pterodactyls (1980)

Page numbers from the mass market edition, published by Ace Books, ISBN 0-441-69190-0, first printing, April 1980

See L. Sprague de Camp's Internet Science Fiction Database page for original publication details

• I fear me that the eighteenth century, which I have idealized all these years, never really existed. The real one was far dirtier, more narrow-minded, brutal, orthodox, and superstitious than I could have ever conceived without seeing it.
  • Balsamo’s Mirror (p. 24)

• I once read that the Devil studied Basque for seven years and only learned two words.
  • The Lamp (p. 34)

• As you know, Monsieur Newbury, the civilization is but a thin crust over our savage interiors, no matter if our skins be white or black. We must try to keep this shell of egg intact.
  • The Yellow Man (p. 130)

• His voice had a hypnotic quality, which lulled one into a kind of passive daze. One ended with the impression that one had had a wonderful revelation but without remembering much of what the Master had actually said. Some of his assertions seem to contradict what others had told me of his doctrines; but I understood that he brought out a new doctrine every month or two, keeping his suckers too confused to think.
  • A Sending of Serpents (p. 138)

• We rented an apartment in a rambly wooden-frame building, a block from the beach. This was before the waterfront sprouted a host of huge condominiums, like a plague of concrete mushrooms.
  • The Purple Pterodactyls (p. 173)

• I passed that off as women’s intuition, which is wrong more often than not. People remember the times it works and forget those it fails.
  • The Purple Pterodactyls (p. 184)

• But what argument could I offer? It was nothing but an irrational feeling—the kind of “premonition” we get from time to time but remember only on the rare occasions when it is fulfilled by the event. I had no evidence.
  • Dead Man’s Chest (p. 198)

• There was no harder-boiled materialist than I; I rejected Marxism as too mystical and not materialistic enough.
  • The Figurine (p. 207)

• The world is full of people who, if they got to Heaven, would complain about the tune of the harps and the dampness of the clouds.
  • The Figurine (p. 207)

• It was hardly fair to his opponents, but I have never had much sympathy for the victims of gambling sharks. If they were not trying to get something for nothing, they would not expose themselves to being taken.
  • The Figurine (p. 216)

The Roaring Trumpet (1940, co-written with Fletcher Pratt)

• Yngvi is a louse!

The Tritonian Ring (1951)

Many editions. All page numbers here are from the mass market paperback edition published by The Paperback Library, catalogue number 64-696, in September 1971, second printing

• Certainly their intentions are peaceful, like those of the lion for the lamb. The lion wishes only to be allowed to devour the lamb in peace.
  • Chapter 2, “The Sinking Land” (p. 16)

• Before sending my opinions forth across the chasm of surmise, I prefer to wait until they’re provided with a more solid bridge of fact.
  • Chapter 2, “The Sinking Land” (p. 18)

• I find that verse provides one of the cheapest and most harmless of life’s major pleasures.
  • Chapter 10, “Lake Tritonis” (p. 106)

• In all these fights and flights I have never known that mad joy of battle of which the epics speak. Before the combat I am frightened, during it I am confused, and after it I am weary and disgusted.
  • Chapter 18, “The Philosophy of Sederado” (p. 199)

• “You make it sound wonderful, sir. Could I but be sure…”
  “Wait to be sure of anything and you will find yourself looking out through the sides of a funerary urn, your quest unaccomplished.”
  • Chapter 18, “The Philosophy of Sederado” (p. 202)

Rogue Queen (1951)

Many editions. All page numbers here are from the first mass market paperback edition, published by Dell, catalogue number 600, in 1952

• Antis, looking up from his fire-making to watch the flying fish, remarked, “That’s an omen of change.”
  “What is?”
  “When a flying fish circles withershins.”
  “Oh, silly! You see omens in everything, and changes are always occurring.”
  • Chapter 1, “The Community” (p. 18)

• There must be something. No, nothing. But there must be, if she could only be clever enough to think of it. What, then? How do you know there is anything to think of? There simply must be. But that’s wretched logic; things don’t exist because you wish they did…
  • Chapter 2, “The Sky Ship” (p. 25)

• I am sorry, my dear, but that is the best advice we can give you. If some irrational rule of your society prevents, so much the worse for your society.
  • Chapter 2, “The Sky Ship” (p. 35)

• I’ve been saying a special prayer to Eunmar; did you know I believe in the old gods? If you try hard enough, I’ve found, you can believe anything.
  • Chapter 6, “The Royal Duel” (p. 91)

• “From all I gather, love of individuals is more important among you than love of your Community. If that’s the case, how can your Communities be well run?”
  “Mostly they aren’t,” said Bloch, relighting his pipe. “But we have a lot of fun.”
  • Chapter 7, “The Rogue Drones” (p. 106)

• “Cold comfort,” said Bloch. “Like most oracular verse, full of vague ominous intimations of nothing in particular.”
  • Chapter 7, “The Rogue Drones” (p. 109)

• It must be that Terran love of theirs. Remember the quicksand? Whatever troubles it may cause, that kind of love makes them run risks for each other they wouldn’t for anybody else.
  • Chapter 8, “Royal Jelly” (p. 131)

• It was very puzzling. Why had all this happened to her? In the old days, according to her researches, one blamed a jealous or capricious god for one’s undeserved misfortunes, but nobody had taken the gods seriously for generations. It was, thinkers agreed, a case of the mysterious operations of luck. Emotionally, however, blind chance was a poor substitute for a god when you wanted something on which to turn your resentment at the hard treatment accorded you by fate.
  • Chapter 9, “The Oracle” (p. 140)

An Elephant for Aristotle (1958)

Quotes from the eBook published by Phoenix Pick, ISBN 978-1-61242-128-5, in March 2013. No page numbers.

• The wise man does not defy necessity.
  • Chapter 1

• “I’ve been looking forward to serious talks with you, O philosopher, but I have been over-busy with my duties.”
  “You’ll be frightfully disappointed. I gnaw at people’s basic assumptions, and most folk loathe having their basic assumptions disturbed.”
  “I fear no truth, however painful.”
  • Chapter 2

• These folk are such liars that they think all other men are, too.
  • Chapter 3

• Either the letter had been lost on the way; or, more likely, Menon had neglected to write it. Were I Zeus, I would appoint a special fiend to harass those who do not write the letters they have promised.
  • Chapter 4

• The jackal fell into a dye pot and thought himself a peacock.
  • Chapter 4

• One man’s wickedness becomes all men’s curse.
  • Chapter 5

• Not even a god, they say, could be at once wise and in love.
  • Chapter 5

• The knowledge of how to slay each other more swiftly is no true advance in civilization.
  • Chapter 6

• Alas, with what fortitude do we bear others’ misfortunes!
  • Chapter 6

• “‘The first in banquets, but the last in battle,’” quoted Pyrron. “Still and all, he suffered from the king’s disease.”
  “What is that?”
  “Self-conceit, which, as the proverb says, leads to self-destruction.”
  • Chapter 6

• That man has convinced me that he is a veritable philosopher. No ordinary man could be so awkward and absent-minded.
  • Chapter 8

• As the Persians say, kindness to the lion is cruelty to the lamb.
  • Chapter 8

• Kanadas, watching from the rail, said: “I wish I go with them.” A tear ran down his dark face. “It is against my religion to travel over sea.”
  “Everything’s against your religion, laddie,” I said.
  “Of course. That shows it is very pure, moral religion.”
  • Chapter 8

• Mighty is the empire of habit.
  • Chapter 9

• As they say, no tears are shed when an enemy dies.
  • Chapter 10

The Bronze God of Rhodes (1960)

Quotes from the eBook published by Phoenix Pick, ISBN 978-1-61242-145-2, in June 2013. No page numbers.

All names spelled as in the book.

• Now I said: “It’s unjust, Father. A man’s fate should be determined impersonally, on the basis of his virtues and abilities alone, without regard to all these petty personal likes and dislikes.”
  My father replied: “Perhaps it should be but it isn’t. If they like you, they’ll excuse your faults; if they dislike you, they’ll overlook your virtues.”
  “Then they’re a lot of stupid fools!”
  “Are you only just now learning that? But if they are, you won’t change them, not in one lifetime.
  • Chapter 1

• Verily, the great man finds gold and rubies more easily come by than true friendship.
  • Chapter 2

• “So you studied under Lysippos? Didn’t you find him a somewhat thorny character?”
  “At times, though I should prefer a difficult teacher of the first rank to an amiable mediocrity.”
  • Chapter 3

• As all young men must, I was learning the painful lesson that there is no substitute for experience.
  • Chapter 3

• “When I met him in Antigoneia, he seemed a man of truly kingly quality.”
  Nikolaos, the full citizen, said: “If by kingly quality you mean cold-blooded treachery and murder, then Antigonos is your man.”
  • Chapter 3

• The trouble with Rhodes is, it’s got too many orators and not enough engineers.
  • Chapter 4

• The Knossians did not like to give up piracy themselves; in fact, many of their young men went elsewhere to enlist in piratical crews. However, they loved an excuse to meddle in the other cities’ affairs; for, next to robbery on the high seas, cutting their neighbors’ throats is the greatest joy of the Cretans.
  • Chapter 5

• Whereas you believe in no gods but Iao, he carries this skepticism to its logical conclusion and believes in no gods at all. The difference seems slight to me.
  • Chapter 5

• Berosos sighed. “Ah me! Once we, too, were a race of warriors and conquerors.”
  “Be thankful you are no longer,” said Dikaiarchos. “These kings reap a bit of glory, but what do they accomplish besides burning cities, killing and enslaving multitudes, and destroying the accumulated wealth and wisdom of the ages to aggrandize their own mediocre selves? He who ascertains a new law of nature or invents a new device is greater than all your conquerors, and in the long run has more influence.”
  • Chapter 6

• “I must be stupid,” I said. “I don’t doubt that his talk is full of profound hidden truths, but I find it terribly hard to understand.”
  Dikaiarchos laughed. “I’ll tell you a secret, Chares. I cannot understand it, either.”
  “You, sir?”
  “Yes. It may be that we are both stupid, or it may be that there is nothing to understand. It is a good practical rule that, if a man cannot explain himself in terms that any reasonably intelligent listener can comprehend, he doesn’t know what he is talking about himself.”
  • Chapter 7

• “You cannot expect men to be rational about national enmities,” said Dikaiarchos. “As everyone knows, people like to have friends, but they also like to have enemies. A hereditary foe is a useful thing to have. It gives you somebody to feel superior to; it provides a handy target for all the furies and hatreds which you have boiling around inside you but which you dare not direct at those nearer you.”
  • Chapter 7

• Folly is mortals’ self-selected misfortune.
  • Chapter 8

• There’s more magic in a well-aimed three-talent ball than in all the wizards of Egypt.
  • Chapter 9

• I soon found, however, that most of these parties bored me to tears. These magnates are not really such villains as the poor are wont to think them; their worst fault is dullness. They talk about their games and sports, their children and relatives, their purchases and sales, their aches and pains, and they talk about them over and over.
  • Chapter 10

• All we can say for sure is that monotheism proved as deadly a foe to learning as war and barbarism. Tantum religio potuit suadere malorum.
  • Author’s Note; the Latin is a quote from Lucretius, “So potent was religion in persuading to evil deeds.”

The Dragon of the Ishtar Gate (1961)

Quotes from the eBook published by Phoenix Pick, ISBN 978-1-61242-158-2, in September 2013. No page numbers.

All names spelled as in the book. Italics as in the book.

• Folly is mortals’ self-chosen misfortune.
  • Chapter 1

• But the king spoke:
  “This Hellenic passion to see all and pry into all is a curious new form of insanity. I am told that there are even people among you called wisdom-lovers, who devote their entire lives to this pursuit. How do you pronounce it? Fir—firos—”
  “Philosophers, sire. Your slave studied under one of the great ones, Herakleitos of Ephesos. I hope some day to be considered a wisdom-lover myself. And now may—”
  “Curious,” persisted Xerxes, running his fingers through his beard. “I should not care to rule an entire nation of these wisdom-lovers. They would demand a reason for every command or ever they obeyed it, and nought would get done.”
  • Chapter 1

• The moving shadow saith: “Swift Time doth run,
  And soon he’ll hale thee where there is no sun.”
  Well then, am I Time’s slave? I’ll mock the fiend,
  And gaily revel till my course be done!
  • Chapter 2

• “Now, cut your arm a little and swear by all your gods that you will adhere faithfully to me and be my friend, helper, and defender, sharing in need and standing fast in danger, until our quest be done or until death part us!”
  “If you like; though it’s the man who makes us believe the oath, not the oath the man.”
  • Chapter 2

• Some give their dead to earth, and some to fire,
  And some to beasts that roam the deserts dire;
  But since the dead do not return to rail,
  For aught I care, my guts may string a lyre!
  • Chapter 2

• “How goes the City of the Persians?”
  “The same as ever: plots and intrigues in the palace; Persian arrogance in the streets; peasant ignorance in the countryside.”
  • Chapter 3

• A king’s wrath is as lasting as the hills, but his favor is as dew upon the grass.
  • Chapter 3

• My master Herakleitos used to say: Most men might as well be blind and deaf, for all that they comprehend what lies about them. If you would gain wisdom, he said, get about, see things for yourself, and subject the impressions thus gained to the divine power of reason.
  • Chapter 3

• Although laid out in more orderly fashion than any Greek city, Babylon had no true civic life and so was not, in the strict Greek sense of the word, a city at all. Here were hundreds of thousands of human beings, whose only concern with the government of their city was to avoid the police and cheat the tax gatherers. It reminded Myron of the swarming life sometimes found under a flat stone.
  • Chapter 3

• Bessas scowled. “I trust, sir banker, that you seek not to take advantage of our simplicity to squeeze unwonted wealth from us. You money-grubbers would pick a farthing from a dunghill with your teeth.”
  • Chapter 4

• Three things should not be counted upon: the level of a river, the tameness of a lion, and the promise of a king.
  • Chapter 5

• While a hundred wives and concubines may satisfy the vanity of a king, you would search the wide world over ere you found a king who could satisfy a hundred wives and concubines.
  • Chapter 5

• The only sure defense against reproach, sir, is obscurity.
  • Chapter 9

• “Why told you not the entire tale?”
  “It is foolish to entangle oneself, any more deeply than can be helped, in the struggles of the great. The man who is down today may be up tomorrow, and rancor outlasts gratitude as stone outlasts wood.”
  • Chapter 9

• In the early years of his reign, everyone praised you-know-who to the skies. And indeed he did well at the outset. But I suppose the responsibilities and the temptations of kingship, acting together, in time break down the strongest character.
  • Chapter 9

• That which seems but meet and proper to us may appear odd to our friends, eccentric to strangers, and barbarous to foreigners.
  • Chapter 10

• Self-interest, acting in divergent directions, can in time make the bitterest foes of the firmest friends and the closest kinsmen.
  • Chapter 10

• “You make me feel very ignorant, my Greek friend.”
  “I am sorry—”
  The First Prophet cackled. “Tsk, tsk; apologize not. I, like other men, own up to minor failings in hope of convincing others that I have no major ones.”
  • Chapter 10

• Demon land has no fury like that of a priest who is asked to pay taxes as ordinary folk must.
  • Chapter 10

• Men make promises according to their hopes and keep them according to their fears.
  • Chapter 12

• If a man tell you that the streets of India are paved with pearls, cast the lie back in his teeth. Nor do pigs run about the streets ready roasted. To be sure, the kings and priests are rich, but that is the case in other lands, and the vulgus has as much ado to keep ahead of hunger as elsewhere.
  • Chapter 13

• To be kind to the tiger is to be cruel to the lamb.
  • Chapter 18

• A few years past I should have happily joined my sand thieves in their forays. But now I have come to see that true wealth is not the loot of a raid, nor even the trove of a treasure like that of Takarta—from which the king’s tax gatherers will speedily separate you if they catch you. It is, rather, a network of established trade routes and connections and satisfied customers, which if carefully fostered will yield a profit for aye.
  • Chapter 19

The Great Fetish (1978)

All page numbers from the mass market paperback edition published by Pocket Books, ISBN 0-671-83161-5, in March 1980, first printing

• “But your loss of honor—”
  “Honor is a subjective, intangible loss. Therefore our laws take no cognizance of it.”
  • Chapter 4 (p. 47)

• “Then who were the Ancient Ones?”
  Halran shrugged. “There are as many interpretations of those myths as there are mythographers.”
  • Chapter 5 (p. 58)

• “You Afkans seem like a grimly puritanical lot,” said Halran, “if you will excuse my saying so.”
  Ndovu beamed. “No apologies needed. What you say is high praise here.”
  • Chapter 8 (p. 89)

• “It is a common belief that all paleskins are superhumanly lusty and incorrigibly lecherous.”
  “Now it is you who flatter us,” said Halran.
  • Chapter 8 (p. 92)

• If the gods made man, which I doubt, they should have made him so he sometimes enjoyed what he has instead of forever yearning for what he has not.
  • Chapter 10 (p. 114)

• There is nothing so dangerous as an ignorant and frightened man.
  • Chapter 11 (p. 117)

• All supernaturalism is simply a scheme to enable a class of magicians called priests to live without working.
  • Chapter 11 (p. 132)

The Incorporated Knight (1987)

All page numbers from the mass market paperback edition published by Baen Books, ISBN 0-671-65435-7, in September 1988, first printing

• “We are a law abiding folk, sir. We do not permit private persons to indulge their feuds on their own, and we have some most ingenious penalties for homicide.”
  “Mean ye,” said Jillo, “that amongst you Pathenians, a gentleman may not avenge an insult by the gage of battle?”
  “Of course not! We are not bloodthirsty barbarians.”
  “Ye mean there are no true gentlemen amongst you,” sniffed Jillo.
  • Chapter 2, “The Smiling Sorcerer” (p. 26)

• “Ah! Here we be! ‘Human beings most readily love others of their species who, alpha, do services for them; beta, flatter them; gamma, refrain from reproaching them for errors; and delta, cultivate good nature and ease of manner.’”
  • Chapter 6, “The Sporting Sovran” (p. 90)

• A grudge makes a starveling diet.
  • Chapter 6, “The Sporting Sovran” (p. 90)

• Gontran was a rancorous, vengeful man, who never forgave what he deemed a slight or let bygones be bygones. Hatred and grudges so filled his mind as to render him impervious to reason.
  • Chapter 13, “Heroes in Hiding” (p. 186)

• Let me tell you a little secret. A man’s ability as a swordsman of the other kind, to borrow your words, hinges much upon his health of body and peace of mind. If you’d fain cause his—ah—resolution to droop, you have but oft to berate him in harsh and wounding terms. If you’re fain to have him serve you with vigor, flatter and praise him; make him think himself worthier than in his heart he knows himself to be.
  • Chapter 13, “Heroes in Hiding” (p. 188)

• I have deeply studied the female mind. Somewhat to my surprise, I found it, not the same as the male, but on balance quite as able.
  • Chapter 17, “A Surplus of Spouses” (p. 232)

The Pixilated Peeress (1991)

All page numbers from the mass market paperback edition published by Del Rey, ISBN 0-345-36733-2, in September 1992

• Certes, if we hanged everyone with a murderer in’s pedigree, not enough would survive to bury the bodies!
  • Chapter 2, “The Senescent Sorcerer” (p. 22)

• Titled wenches make chancy wives, being full of hoity-toity snobbery. They fancy themselves beings of a superior species by virtue of blue blood, when ’tis well known that most noble houses were founded by successful banditti who frightened some weakling ruler into granting titles.
  • Chapter 3, “The Sinister Sect” (pp. 52-53)

• For aught I know, he may have told that silly tale so oft that he’s come to believe it himself.
  • Chapter 4, “The Desirable Dragon” (p. 64)

• “Obeying its natural instincts, it would have snapped up a tasty citizen or two. Then nought would have dissuaded your thick-skulled military from slaying the beast, as if one mountain dragon were not worth a score of human beings.
  Thorolf raised his eyebrows. “How reckon you that?”
  “The mountain dragon is an endangered species, whereas the world swarms with humanity. Man is in no danger of extermination, unless it destroy itself any devilish novel weapons like those Serican thunder tubes I hear of. It would serve the species right.”
  Thorolf gave a quiet laugh. “I never thought of it thus. Doubtless being human has warped my thinking.”
  • Chapter 4, “The Desirable Dragon” (pp. 71-72)

• “I have met Master Parthenius,” growled Thorolf. “He is the sort to whom, if he were drowning, I should be happy to throw an anvil.”
  • Chapter 5, “Maleficient Murder” (p. 91)

• Some are true gentlemen everywhere; the problem is to pick them out of the mass.
  • Chapter 11, “A Sufficiency of Slaughter” (p. 199)

About de Camp

• In Viagens Interplanetarias, Sprague’s interstellar travel takes place in Earth's backyard, so to speak; among stars, that is, within a reasonable number of light-years from the sun. Further, his concept of interstellar travel has queer effects on the subjective passage of time. This makes the stories harder to write. I once asked him why he did this and he explained that since travel faster than the speed of light was impossible, it would take far too long to reach the really distant stars. I pointed out that if he used “hyper-space” as most writers did, that wouldn’t matter. (Hyperspace is a mythical term among s.f. writers and can be used in a vague and foggy way to excuse any speeds up to infinity.) Sprague said he didn't believe in hyperspace. I said neither did I but I used it. He just put his pipe in his mouth and shook his head. "If I don’t believe a thing is possible," he said, "I don't use it."
  • In Re Sprague, by Isaac Asimov; introduction to The Continent Makers and Other Tales of the Viagens, 1953.