[At school, Danny Madigan is daydreaming of Arnold Schwarzenegger as Hamlet; he is confronting Claudius about the death of his father]
Hamlet: [lights a cigar] Hey, Claudius....you killed my father. [picks Claudius up] Big mistake.
[He hurls him, screaming, through a window]
Narrator: Something is rotten in the state of Denmark! And, Hamlet is taking out the trash!
[Hamlet is shown killing people with skulls and swords]
Old Man: Stay thy hand, fair prince!
Hamlet: Who said I'm fair? [produces a submachine gun and shoots him, plus several other soldiers]
Narrator: No one is going to tell this sweet prince goodnight!
Hamlet: To be...or not be. [lights a cigar] Not to be.
[An explosion occurs behind him]
Benedict: I understand you are interested in drug dealers.
Danny: [whispering] Jack, that's him, the henchman with the glass eye.
Jack: Sir, are you a henchman?
Benedict: No, I only go as far as lackey. Anything else?
Jack: Yeah, take off your sunglasses.
Benedict: Who's asking?
Jack: [shows police badge] The tin man.
Benedict: Well, tin man, suppose you hit the bricks.
Jack: Nah, they're the wrong color.
Benedict: Are they? Oh dear, by all means let's change them. Would arterial red suit you? [motions behind them, they turn to see guard dogs] Make no mistake, they are exceptionally well-trained. [snaps fingers, the dogs form in a pyramid] I snap my fingers again and sometime tomorrow, you emerge from several canine recta. Or you and Toto can go back to the land of Oz. Questions?
Jack: Yeah... two of them. [casually lights cigar] Why am I wasting my time on a dimestore putz like you, when I could be doing something more dangerous... like rearranging my sock drawers? And two - how exactly are you going to snap your fingers, after I rip off both of your thumbs?
[Benedict's guard dogs whimper]
Benedict: [pausing before revealing smiley-face glass eye] Have a nice day.
[Benedict has drawn his revolver on his own boss after Slater thwarts his plans again]
Vivaldi: What is this, Benedict? First you're my friend, now you turn a... [makes twirling motion with finger] 360 on me?!
Benedict: 180, you stupid spaghetti-slurping cretin! 180! If I did a 360, I'd go completely around and end up back where I started.
Vivaldi: [confused] ...What?
Benedict: Trust me. [shoots Vivaldi]
Ripper: Hey, Jack. What kept you?
Jack: Are you alright, Danny?
Danny: Yes, sir.
Ripper: You know, I tried to change, Jack. I really tried to do what he told me. But I kept hearing that old music. That's how I knew you'd come, Jack. Now lose the piece.
Jack: [throws gun away] There, now it's between you and me. Let the boy go.
Ripper: Now we've played this number before haven't we, Jack? Let's see, what comes next.... You throw the gun away. Right, we did that part... [lays down axe] Then, you tell me to let the kid go... Ah, I'm getting bored, why don't we just skip to the end? [tosses Danny off the building]