Last words in Family Guy

These are last words in the animated television show Family Guy.

Last words

• And now, Mr. Griffin... I want that film.
  • Who: Mel Gibson
  • Episode: "North by North Quahog" (Season 4 Episode 1)
  • Note: Gibson is finally defeated when Peter convinces him that the movie reel was in Rushmore's mouth, and he takes the bait and falls off the mountain and to his death.

• Alright you little bitch, it's time to end this thing!
  • Who: Michael Pulaski
  • Episode: "A Fistful of Meg" (Season 12 Episode 4)
  • Notes: Mike is fighting Meg Griffin. He says this line to her, and she beats him by showing him her breasts, causing him to melt in horror a la Raiders of the Lost Ark.

• What the hell?! I killed you!
  • Who: Jeffery Fecalman
  • Episode: "Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q." (Season 10 Episode 3)
  • Notes: He says this to Quagmire, who he'd mistakenly thought he had choked and killed, after Quagmire tried to kill him in retaliation for Jeffrey's abuse of his sister Brenda while in a relationship with her. Quagmire then says "I CHOKE MYSELF EVERY NIGHT, YOU BASTARD!" and runs him into a tree with his car after he says this line, killing him.

• Peter...you're a fat, stinking, drunk!
  • Who: Francis Griffin
  • Episode: "Peter's Two Dads" (Season 5 Episode 10)
  • Notes: Peter had disappointed his father at a birthday party. He then proceeded to land on his father while riding a unicycle intoxicated, sending him to the hospital. Hoping to hear some last advice from him, Francis growls these words in his son's ears, and dies.

• Damn! Play me some filler, Johnny!
  • Who: Vern
  • Episode: "Saving Private Brian" (Season 5 Episode 4)
  • Notes: After Vern sang a song and said the above line to Johnny, a pianist, Stewie got tired of them and shot them both dead. They reappear in a later episode as ghosts, where it was shown that Johnny was sent to Hell for apparently being a pedophile.

• Peter, being here with your lovely family, your wonderful wife and your funny talking dog... Well... I'm impressed! In fact, starting Monday, I would like to promote you to head of toy development!
  • Who: Mr. Weed
  • Episode: "Mr. Saturday Knight" (Season 3 Episode 9)
  • Notes: Mr. Weed, Peter's boss, has been invited to dinner with the family. During this, Mr. Weed says this line to Peter. At this moment, Brian begins choking on a dinner roll. Peter manages to perform the Heimlich maneuver, but the dislodged food flies into Mr. Weed's throat, causing him to choke to death before Peter is able to save him.

• Well, Rupert seems to like my humping. [Stewie: What did you say?] Rupert. Humped him for 2 hours yesterday. He just laid there and took it. [Stewie: Did he?] Yeah. Now every time you're sleeping with him, he's gonna be thinking of me.
  • Who: New Brian
  • Episode: "The Man with Two Brians" (Season 7 Episode 5)
  • Notes: New Brian, a dog who Peter bought to replace the original Brian, had just informed Stewie that he had humped Rupert, Stewie's teddy bear. An incensed Stewie chopped New Brian into pieces off-screen, threw him in a garbage bag, and threw him away.

• Shoot... me...
  • Who: Adrian Beaky
  • Episode: "Long John Peter" (Season 6 Episode 12)
  • Notes: Adrian, Peter's pet parrot had been injured during a fight and later dies in a veterinarian's office.

• Eh... What's up, Doc... OW! OH! OH! AGH! OH GOD! OH GOD! AHHHHHHH!
  • Who: Knock-off Bugs Bunny
  • Episode: "Stewie B. Goodie" (Season 4 Episode 28)
  • Notes: Brian mentions this via a cutaway gag, where Elmer Fudd is actually shown killing Bugs Bunny.

• [Stewie: Hello, Mother.] Stewie?! What the hell are you...?! How'd you get here?! [Stewie: Oh, there's a very simple answer to that. You drove me here, Lois! With all the indignities, I've been forced to suffer day in and day out under your matriarchal tyranny!] What are you...?! What are you doing with the gun?! [Stewie: Something I should've done a very long time ago!]
  • Who: Lois Griffin (Simulation)
  • Episode: "Stewie Kills Lois" (Season 6 Episode 4)
  • Notes: In a CGI simulation Stewie had created, he sneaks on the boat and confronts Lois alone. He gets revenge on her for forcing him to suffer day in and day out under her tyranny and not taking him with her and Peter to the cruise. Lois says this line before getting shot by Stewie and falling off the cruise to her death. However, a year later, it is revealed that she survived the gunshot wound, and she tells everyone at court everything that happened to her in the last year, and outs Stewie for trying to kill her. Since this was just a simulation however, death is not canon.

• Hey Griffins, just checking in... OWWWWWWWW! [Lois: OH MY GOD!!!] [Peter: HOLY CRAP!!!] [Cleveland falls to the floor with blood on the wall and dies] [Brian: Stewie, you've killed him! He's dead!] [Lois: OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD!! What are we gonna do?! Oh, poor Cleveland!] [Peter: Don't worry Lois, he's in heaven now.]
  • Who: Cleveland Brown (Simulation)
  • Episode: "Lois Kills Stewie" (Season 6 Episode 5)
  • Notes: In a CGI simulation Stewie had created, he had made an unsuccessful attempt to kill Lois and went on the run from the police before breaking into the Griffin house and holding the Griffin family hostage. Cleveland interrupts and is quickly murdered by Stewie. Since this was just a simulation however, death is not canon.

• Go ahead, Lois, do it, shoot me! Shoot your little baby, Stewie! [Lois: I can't do it! You're a terrible evil child, but you're still my baby and I would never hurt you.] Well, that works out perfectly, because I CAN HURT YOU! Say hi to Cleveland for me... Oh, and Mr. Weed.
  • Who: Stewie Griffin (Simulation)
  • Episode: "Lois Kills Stewie" (Season 6 Episode 5)
  • Note: Stewie has, via a simulation, become ruler of the world. He gets into a huge battle with Lois in the Oval Office. Lois, however, drops her gun when she realizes that even though Stewie is evil, she cannot harm her own son. Stewie thus tries to kill Lois, but is shot by Peter. Since this is just a simulation however, death is not canon.

• So, you got a tank. Big whoop. Wanna fight about it?
  • Who: Patty Tanager
  • Episode: "Hell Comes to Quahog" (Season 5 Episode 3)
  • Notes: This line is a running gag for Patty's appearances in the series. He said this to Stewie and Brian, who then ran him over repeatedly with said tank.

• Beam me up... God!
  • Who: William Shatner
  • Episode: "I Never Met a Dead Man" (Season 1 Episode 2)
  • Notes: Lois and Meg go out looking for Peter and Shatner. Shatner says this line after Meg accidentally hits him with the car.

• Lois!
  • Who: Aunt Marguerite
  • Episode: "Peter, Peter, Caviar Eater" (Season 2 Episode 1)
  • Notes: Lois's great-aunt Marguerite arrived at the door, to much fanfare. She then proceeded to die as soon as she came inside.

• AUGHHHH!! MY LEGS! NOW I'LL HAVE TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE IN A WHEELCHAIR!!
  • Who: Joe Peterson (as a Police Captain in the Stephen King's Misery sketch in Three Kings)
  • Episode: "Three Kings" (Season 7 Episode 15)
  • Note: Brian is stuck inside Stewie Wilkes's (portrayed by Stewie Griffin) house while Stewie Wilkes is out of the house. After finding out that Wilkes is a serial killer, Brian is relieved when a police officer (Joe Peterson) arrives. Unfortunately, Stewie Wilkes bursts in and shoots the police officer's legs off, and Joe screams the above line. Stewie then responds to Joe's scream with "No, you won't", before shooting the police officer dead.

• Not with nuclear arms! You can't hug your children with nuclear arms...
  • Who: Amy, a girlfriend of Death.
  • Episode: "Death Lives" (Season 3 Episode 6)
  • Notes: With Peter's encouragement, Death asked Amy on a date. While out, Amy's whining banter about animals bothered the entity, and so he touched her, which proved instantly fatal.

• But... you're a baby.
  • Who: Denise Crosby
  • Episode: "Not All Dogs Go To Heaven" (Season 7 Episode 11)
  • Notes: Stewie has used a Star Trek transporter to bring the entire cast of the show to his home. Stewie states to them "I'm a huge fan. And you are going to answer all my questions." Denise responds with this line. In response, Stewie shoots her with a laser gun.

• NO, YOU CAN'T TAKE HIM!
  • Who: Joan Quagmire
  • Episode: "I Take Thee Quagmire" (Season 4 Episode 21)
  • Notes: Glenn Quagmire has married Joan, but soon realizes he made a mistake in doing so. To get out of the marriage, he fakes his own death. However, Death arrives to take his body, believing Quagmire has actually died. Joan intervenes trying to protect Quagmire and grabs Death's arm, which kills her instantly. Since she is technically a Quagmire, Death takes her body instead.

• Sure! All I have to do is make a quick phone call.
  • Who: Big Fat Paulie
  • Episode: "There's Something About Paulie" (Season 2 Episode 16)
  • Notes: Big Fat Paulie was a mobster, he had mistakenly believed that Peter wanted a hit taken out on Louis. When Peter asked him to call off the hit, he agreed, and went to call to cancel it. Unfortunately, he was gunned down before he got the chance.

• What the hell is this?
  • Who: The "Man in White"
  • Episode: "Chitty Chitty Death Bang" (Season 1 Episode 3)
  • Notes: On his first birthday, Stewie deduced that the doctor who delivered him was arriving to put him back in Lois's womb. In an odd coincidence, the leader of a cult that Meg unwittingly joined chased her back to the house on that same day. When he discovered Stewie, he said the above line; Stewie responded with, "It's a boy!" and vaporized him.

• DAMN IT!!! WILL YOU TWO JUST GET IN THE FUCKING TIME MACHINE?!
  • Who: Mort Goldman
  • Episode: "Road to Germany" (Season 7 Episode 3)
  • Notes: This version of Mort stumbled into Stewie's time machine and traveled back to Nazi-occupied Europe. Stewie and Brian traveled back to rescue him, and were about to perform a catchy song and dance number before Mort interrupted him. When they returned to the present two minutes early, Stewie blew up his time machine with the "past" Mort inside; the Mort of the present survived.

• Did the... did the cork hit me?!
  • Who: Stephanie
  • Episode: "And Then There Were Fewer" (Season 9 Episode 1)
  • Notes: She says this after she gets hit with a bullet that was meant to kill James Woods, who left the dining room at the wrong time.

• I didn't kill anybody!
  • Who: James Woods
  • Episode: "And Then There Were Fewer" (Season 9 Episode 1)
  • Notes: Spoken after being accused of murder before a blackout starts. After the lights came back on, he was revealed to have been killed with a knife in his back. However, in the next season, it is revealed that he was resurrected by the paramedics using a 17 year old girl by transfusion.

• Oh, my God!
  • Who: Priscilla
  • Episode: "And Then There Were Fewer" (Season 9 Episode 1)
  • Note: Said this before she faints after James Woods was murdered. She is later found dead in the vent of Tom Tucker's guest room.

• No! No, it's not true, I would never kill anybody, never! And I won't say another word until I talk to my lawyer because- why is he wearing shorts?
  • Who: Muriel Goldman
  • Episode: "And Then There Were Fewer" (Season 9 Episode 1)
  • Notes: Said this after being accused of murdering people and says the last part after seeing Stewie with shorts on (an early running gag). Muriel ends up missing after another blackout and is later found dead with the same knife that killed James Woods.

• Hey, what are you doing up here? Wait a minute. What the hell is this? Oh, my God. It's you! The man or woman who has been killing everybody! Stay back! Stay back!
  • Who: Derek Wilcox
  • Episode: "And Then There Were Fewer" (Season 9 Episode 1)
  • Notes: Said this before Diane whacks him with a Golden Globe award, killing him before he could contact the police.

• Well, it's a shame that you have to die, Lois. But look on the bright side, you’ll be the story on the 6:00pm news. You know, unless a local cat does something funny. [Lois: Diane please, please don’t do this! I won't tell anybody, I swear to God!] That's right, you won't. Good bye, Lois.
  • Who: Diane Simmons
  • Episode: "And Then There Were Fewer" (Season 9 Episode 1)
  • Notes: Diane Simmons, who was revealed to be the murderer of James Woods and all the other people who found out about her true colors, prepares to kill Lois. However before she can do so, Diane is sniped by Stewie from behind and she falls off a cliff to her death.

• Worth it!
  • Who: Bertram
  • Episode: "The Big Bang Theory" (Season 9 Episode 16)
  • Notes: Says this after Stewie tries to convince Bertram not to kill Leonardo Da Vinci because he is an ancestor of Stewie and if Bertram does, he'll erase the universe. Bertram proceeds to kill Da Vinci and in response, Stewie shoots and kills Bertram with his crossbow.

• OH YEAH!
  • Who: The Kool-Aid Man
  • Episode: "The Hand That Rocks the Wheelchair" (Season 9 Episode 12)
  • Notes: His catchphrase; Says this after Evil Stewie, a clone Stewie made, says "Oh no!" three times in a courtroom, causing the Kool-Aid Man to burst through the wall (a running gag in the show). Evil Stewie then shatters the Kool-Aid man and proceeds to drink the Kool-Aid.

• This isn't about me, is it?
  • Who: Unnamed Squirrel
  • Episode: "Brian's Play" (Season 11 Episode 10)
  • Notes: Gets his neck cracked by Brian after saying that line.

• Damn! Lost focus, life over!
  • Who: Asian Teenage Boy
  • Episode: "Friends Without Benefits" (Season 11 Episode 7)
  • Notes: Said this as he stabs and kills himself with his sword after another Asian kid cuts in front of him while the Asian kids line up to be the first ones in James Woods High School the next morning.

• You son of a....
  • Who: Stewie Griffin (Good Luck version)
  • Episode: "Road to Vegas" (Season 11 Episode 21)
  • Source: Says this to Brian's good luck clone before getting shot and killed by a hitman after he almost calls him out for letting him die.

• YOU DICK!!!!!
  • Who: Brian Griffin (Bad Luck version)
  • Episode: "Road to Vegas" (Season 11 Episode 21)
  • Note: Yells this to Stewie’s bad luck clone, who wants to live and not to join the jump, while falling off the apartment building to his death, with blood splattering from him in the uncensored version. This foreshadows his death seven episodes later and his return two episodes after that.

• You've given me a wonderful life. I love you all.
  • Who: Brian Griffin
  • Episode: "Life of Brian" (Season 12 Episode 6)
  • Notes: Stewie and Brian return from the past in the time machine, which Stewie decides to destroy by dismantling it and crushing it at the junk yard. They return home and prepare to play hockey with a net they found at the junk yard. A few moments later, Brian is run over by a car in the street. He says this line to the Griffin family as he lies in the veterinarian's office, and then finally dies from his injuries. His death is undone a couple episodes later after Stewie goes back in time to save Brian's life after stealing the return pad from another Stewie from the past.

• Georgette, I'm coming home!
  • Who: Vinny
  • Episode: "Christmas Guy" (Season 12 Episode 8)
  • Notes: He says this as his timeline was about to be erased. His proper first appearance happens three seasons later.

• [Past Brian: Wow, Stewie, thank you for saving my life. A lot of other people would've gotten a different dog and moved on.] Oh, we would never do something like that. [Past Brian: Stewie, what's happening to you?!] I think, my timeline is being erased. The timeline where you died no longer exists. Merry Christmas, Brian.
  • Who: Alternate Future Stewie
  • Source: "Christmas Guy" (Season 12 Episode 8)
  • Note: Stewie has finally had enough of missing Brian 24/7. So, when he sees his other self getting a recently released toy from the mall, he convinces Vinny to distract him so he can steal his return pad to bring Brian back. He bids farewell to Vinny as he begins to save Brian, which then succeeds. And then he sends the return pad back to Past Stewie. After that he ceases to exist as he succeeds in erasing the timeline where Brian was killed in a car accident.

• Where? (Original)
• I can't! The lemonade tricked me and got away! (Flashback)
  • Who: Chris Griffin

• Unga Bunga! (Original)
• Toast House. (Cutaway)
• Yay, double wishes! One. Two. (Flashback)
  • Who: Peter Griffin

• What's all that noise? Aw, do you want a hug from your big sister? OW!!! (Original)
• Great! The string broke again. Hey there, tiny hands. (Flashback)
  • Who: Meg Griffin

• You've earned yourself a time out young man! Now you stay here until you can behave! (Original)
• Happy Birthday, Stewie. And here's your equal attention cake, Peter. (Flashback)
  • Who: Lois Griffin

• Look, Stewie, I know you're angry about last night, but you're talking about erasing your existence. It's crazy. [Stewie: Whose ringtone is "Barracuda"?] Oh, God, that's Frumpy Ann. Frumpy Ann does everything. Look, I've gotta get this call, but don’t do anything stupid! Yo, girl, how you livin'?
  • Who: Brian Griffin
  • Source: "Chap Stewie" (Season 12 Episode 21)
  • Notes: Stewie has finally had enough of his family walking all over him 24/7. After his tantrum over his TV time being ruined the previous night, he reveals to Brian that he rebuilt his Time Machine and that he is gonna use it to go back in time three years before he was born and break up Peter and Lois to undo his conception. Each of the Griffins say their last words before they were erased from existence. However, this was undone near the end of the episode when his alternate self warns him about the future and as Lois convinces Peter that they are perfect for each other.

• My God, I've done it, Rupert! They've broken up! Look, it's working! I’m fading away! Well Rupert, this means you and I will never have met. So, I've gotta tell you one thing. You know that song I wrote to you on Valentine's Day, it's an Eric Carmen song, I've completely ripped it off. Now I feel better.
  • Who: Stewie Griffin
  • Episode: "Chap Stewie" (Season 12 Episode 21)
  • Notes: Says this to Rupert before ceasing to exist as his final attempt to break up Peter and Lois works. However, his scheme backfires as he ends up in a different family in a different country in a different continent. So, he goes back in time to undo that mistake and it almost fails, but it works when Lois convinces Peter that they are perfect for each other.

• YOU BASTARD, YOU'LL BURN IN HELL!!!
  • Who: Alternate Future Stewie
  • Episode: "Chap Stewie" (Season 12 Episode 21)
  • Notes: Says this to the other Stewie after he is crushed by a stage light and before he ceases to exist after the timeline Stewie created has been erased.

• Peter, I want to apologize. I did behave inappropriately. It's just that since my beloved Walter died, you're the first man who's paid any attention to me, and I guess I took advantage of that.
  • Who: Evelyn
  • Episode: "Mom's the Word" (Season 12 Episode 12)
  • Notes: At Thelma's gravesite, after Evelyn says this line, Peter embraces her after saying it was a little bit of his fault and sort of used her as a replacement because he missed his mom so much. Unfortunately, when they hug, Peter snaps her back, killing her.