Last words in Family Guy

From Wikiquote
Jump to navigation Jump to search

These are last words in the animated television show Family Guy.

Last words[edit]

  • Alright you little bitch, it's time to end this thing!
    • Mike
    • Notes: Mike is fighting Meg Griffin. He says this line to her, and she beats him by showing him her breasts, causing him to melt in horror a la Raiders of the Lost Ark.
  • What the hell, I killed you!
    • Who: Jeffery Fecalman
    • Notes: He says this to Quagmire, who he'd mistakenly thought he had choked and killed, after Quagmire tried to kill him in retailiation for Jeffrey's abuse of his sister Brenda while in a relationship with her. Quagmire then says "I CHOKE MYSELF EVERY NIGHT, YOU BASTARD!" and runs him into a tree with his car after he says this line, killing him.
  • Peter...you're a fat, stinking, drunk!
    • Who: Francis Griffin
    • Notes: Peter had disappointed his father at a birthday party. He then proceeded to land on his father while riding a unicycle intoxicated, sending him to the hospital. Hoping to hear some last advice from him, Francis growls these words in his son's ears, and dies.
  • Damn! Play me some filler, Johnny!
    • Who: Vern
    • Notes: After Vern sang a song and said the above line to Johnny, a pianist, Stewie got tired of them and shot them both dead. They reappear in a later episode as ghosts, where it was shown that Johnny was sent to Hell for apparently being a pedophile.
  • Peter, being here with your lovely family, your wonderful wife and your funny talking dog... Well... I'm impressed! In fact, starting Monday, I would like to promote you to head of toy development!
    • Who: Mr. Weed
    • Notes: Mr. Weed, Peter's boss, has been invited to dinner with the family. During this, Mr. Weed says this line to Peter. At this moment, Brian begins choking on a dinner roll. Peter manages to perform the Heimlich maneuver, but the dislodged food flies into Mr. Weed's throat, causing him to choke to death before Peter is able to save him.
  • Yeah. Now every time you're sleeping with him, he's gonna be thinking of me.
    • Who: New Brian
    • Notes: New Brian, a dog who Peter bought to replace the original Brian, had just informed Stewie that he had humped Rupert, Stewie's teddy bear. An incensed Stewie chopped New Brian into pieces offscreen, threw him in a garbage bag, and threw him away.
  • Shoot... me...
    • Who: Adrian Beaky
    • Notes: Adrian, Peter's pet parrot had been injured during a fight and later dies in a veterinarian's office.
  • Eh... What's up, Doc...OW! OH! OH! AGH! OH GOD! OH GOD! AHHHHHHH!
    • Who:Knock-off Bugs Bunny.
    • Notes: Brian mentions this via a cutaway gag, where Elmer Fudd is actually shown killing Bugs Bunny.
  • Hey Griffins, just checking... OWWWWWWWW!
    • Who: Cleveland (Simulation)
    • Notes: In a CGI simulation Stewie had created, he had made an unsuccessful attempt to kill Lois and went on the run from the police before breaking into the Griffin house and holding the Griffin family hostage. Cleveland interrupts and is quickly murdered by Stewie. Since this was just a simulation however, death is not canon.
  • Well that works out perfectly, because I CAN HURT YOU! Say hello to Cleveland for me... Oh, and Mr. Weed.
    • Who: Stewie Griffin (Simulation)
    • Note: Stewie has, via a simulation, become ruler of the world. He gets into a huge battle with Lois in the Oval Office. Lois, however, drops her gun when she realizes that even though Stewie is evil, she cannot harm her own son. Stewie thus tries to kill Lois, but is shot by Peter. Since this is just a simulation however, death is not canon.
  • So, you got a tank. Big whoop. Wanna fight about it?
    • Who: Patty Tanager
    • Notes: This line is a running gag for Patty's appearances in the series. He said this to Stewie and Brian, who then ran him over repeatedly with said tank.
  • Beam me up... God!
    • Who: William Shatner
    • Notes: Lois and Meg go out looking for Peter and Shatner. Shatner says this line after Meg accidently hits him with the car.
  • Lois!
    • Who: Aunt Marguerite
    • Notes: Lois's great-aunt Marguerite arrived at the door, to much fanfare. She then proceeded to die as soon as she came inside.
  • AUGHHHH!! MY LEGS! NOW I'LL HAVE TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE IN A WHEELCHAIR!!
    • Who: Joe Peterson (as a Police Captain in the Stephen King's Misery sketch in Three Kings)
    • Note: Brian is stuck inside Stewie Wilkes's (portrayed by Stewie Griffin) house while Stewie Wilkes is out of the house. After finding out that Wilkes is a serial killer, Brian is relieved when a police officer (Joe Peterson) arrives. Unfortunately, Stewie Wilkes bursts in and shoots the police officer's legs off, and Joe screams the above line. Stewie then responds to Joe's scream with "No, you won't", before shooting the police officer dead.
  • Not with nuclear arms! You can't hug your children with nuclear arms...
    • Who: Amy, a girlfriend of Death.
    • Notes: With Peter's encouragement, Death asked Amy on a date. While out, Amy's whining banter about animals bothered the entity, and so he touched her, which proved instantly fatal.
  • But... you're a baby.
    • Who: Denise Crosby
    • Notes: Stewie has used a Star Trek transporter to bring the entire cast of the show to his home. Stewie states to them "I'm a huge fan. And you are going to answer all my questions." Denise responds with this line. In response, Stewie shoots her with a laser gun.
  • NO, YOU CAN'T TAKE HIM!
    • Who: Joan Quagmire
    • Notes: Glenn Quagmire has married Joan, but soon realizes he made a mistake in doing so. To get out of the marriage, he fakes his own death. However, Death arrives to take his body, believing Quagmire has actually died. Joan intervenes trying to protect Quagmire and grabs Death's arm, which kills her instantly. Since she is technically a Quagmire, Death takes her body instead.
  • Sure! All I have to do is make a quick phone call.
    • Who: Big Fat Paulie
    • Notes: Big Fat Paulie was a mobster, he had mistakenly believed that Peter wanted a hit taken out on Louis. When Peter asked him to call off the hit, he agreed, and went to call to cancel it. Unfortunately, he was gunned down before he got the chance.
  • What the hell is this?
    • Who: The "Man in White"
    • Notes: On his first birthday, Stewie deduced that the doctor who delivered him was arriving to put him back in Lois's womb. In an odd coincidence, the leader of a cult that Meg unwittingly joined chased her back to the house on that same day. When he discovered Stewie, he said the above line; Stewie responded with, "It's a boy!" and vaporized him.
  • Will you just GET ON THE FUCKING TIME MACHINE?!
    • Who: Mort Goldman
    • Notes: This version of Mort stumbled into Stewie's time machine and traveled back to Nazi-occupied Eu rope. Stew ie and Brian traveled back to rescue him, and were about to perform a catchy song and dance number before Mort interrupted him. When they returned to the present two minutes early, Stewie blew up his time machine with the "past" Mort inside; the Mort of the present survived.
  • I didn't kill anybody!
    • Who: James Woods
    • Notes: Spoken after being accused of murder before a blackout starts. After the lights came back on, he was revealed to have been killed with a knife in his back.
  • No! No, it's not true, I would never kill anybody, never and I will not say another word until I talk to my lawyer about this because... Why is he wearing shorts?
    • Who: Muriel Goldman
    • Notes: Said this after being accused of murdering people and says the last part after seeing Stewie with shorts on (an early running gag). Muriel ends up missing after another blackout and is later found dead with the same knife that killed James Woods.
  • That's right, you won't. Good bye, Lois.
    • Who: Diane Simmons
    • Notes: Diane Simmons, who was revealed to be the murderer of James Woods, prepares to kill Lois. However before she can do so, Diane is sniped by Stewie from behind and she falls off a cliff to her death.
  • Worth it!
    • Who: Bertram
    • Notes: Says this after Stewie tries to convince Bertram not to kill Leonardo Da Vinci because he is an ancestor of Stewie and if Bertam does, he'll erase the universe. Bertram proceeds to kill Da Vinci and in response, Stewie shoots and kills Bertram with his crossbow.
  • OH YEAH!
    • Who: The Kool-Aid Man
    • Notes: His catchphrase; Says this after Evil Stewie, a clone Stewie made, says "Oh no!" three times in a courtroom, causing the Kool-Aid Man to burst through the wall (a running gag in the show). Evil Stewie then shatters the Kool-Aid man and proceeds to drink the Kool-Aid.
  • This ain't about me, is it?
    • Who: Unnamed Squirrel
    • Notes: ?
  • You've given me a wonderful life. I love you all.
    • Who: Brian Griffin
    • Notes: Stewie and Brian return from the past in the time machine, which Stewie decides to destroy by dismantling it and crushing it at the junk yard. They return home and prepare to play hockey with a net they found at the junk yard. A few moments later, Brian is run over by a car in the street. He says this line to the Griffin family as he lies in the veterinarian's office, and then finally dies from his injuries. His death is undone a couple episodes later after Stewie goes back in time to save Brian's life after stealing the return pad from another Stewie from the past.
  • Georgette, I'm coming home!
    • Who: Vinny
    • Notes: He says this as his timeline was about to be erased. His proper first appearance happens three seasons later.
  • Peter, I want to apologize. I did behave inappropriately. It's just that since my beloved Walter died, you're the first man who's paid any attention to me, and I guess I took advantage of that.
    • Who: Evelyn
    • Notes: At Thelma's gravesite, after Evelyn says this line, Peter embraces her after saying it was a little bit of his fault and sort of used her as a replacement because he missed his mom so much. Unfortunately, when they hug, Peter snaps her back, killing her.