Law & Order

Law & Order (1990–2010) is a long-running police procedural and courtroom drama television series, created by Dick Wolf.

1 Opening
2 Season 1
- 2.1 Prescription for Death [1.1]
- 2.2 Subterranean Homeboy Blues [1.2]
- 2.3 The Reaper's Helper [1.3]
- 2.4 Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die [1.4]
- 2.5 Happily Ever After [1.5]
- 2.6 Everybody's Favorite Bagman [1.6]
- 2.7 By Hooker, By Crook [1.7]
- 2.8 Poison Ivy [1.8]
- 2.9 Indifference [1.9]
- 2.10 Prisoner of Love [1.10]
- 2.11 Out of the Half-Light [1.11]
- 2.12 Life Choice [1.12]
- 2.13 A Death in the Family [1.13]
- 2.14 The Violence of Summer [1.14]
- 2.15 The Torrents of Greed (1) [1.15]
- 2.16 The Torrents of Greed (2) [1.16]
- 2.17 Mushrooms [1.17]
- 2.18 The Secret Sharers [1.18]
- 2.19 The Serpent's Tooth [1.19]
- 2.20 The Troubles [1.20]
- 2.21 Sonata For a Solo Organ [1.21]
- 2.22 The Blue Wall [1.22]
3 Season 2
- 3.1 Confession [2.1]
- 3.2 The Wages of Love [2.2]
- 3.3 Asylum [2.4]
- 3.4 God Bless the Child [2.5]
- 3.5 Misconception [2.6]
- 3.6 Out of Control [2.08]
- 3.7 Heaven [2.10]
- 3.8 His Hour Upon the Stage [2.11]
- 3.9 Star Struck [2.12]
- 3.10 Severance [2.13]
- 3.11 Vengeance [2.16]
4 Season 3
- 4.1 Skin Deep [3.1]
- 4.2 Conspiracy [3.2]
- 4.3 Forgiveness [3.3]
- 4.4 The Corporate Veil
- 4.5 Prince of Darkness [3.8]
- 4.6 Point of View [3.9]
- 4.7 Consultation [3.10]
- 4.8 Right to Counsel [3.12]
- 4.9 Conduct Unbecoming [3.17]
- 4.10 Manhood [3.21]
5 Season 4
- 5.1 Sweeps [4.1]
- 5.2 Discord [4.3]
- 5.3 Profile [4.4]
- 5.4 Black Tie [4.5]
- 5.5 Apocrypha [4.7]
- 5.6 The Pursuit of Happiness [4.10]
- 5.7 Nurture [4.20]
- 5.8 Old Friends [4.22]
6 Season 5
- 6.1 Second Opinion [5.1]
- 6.2 Coma [5.2]
- 6.3 Blue Bamboo [5.3]
- 6.4 Competence [5.6]
- 6.5 Guardian [5.11]
- 6.6 Progeny [5.12]
- 6.7 Rage [5.13]
- 6.8 Performance [5.14]
- 6.9 Seed [5.15]
- 6.10 Wannabe [5.16]
- 6.11 Act of God [5.17]
- 6.12 Privileged [5.18]
- 6.13 Bad Faith [5.20]
- 6.14 Pride [5.23]
7 Season 6
- 7.1 Bitter Fruit [6.1]
- 7.2 Jeopardy [6.4]
- 7.3 Humiliation [6.7]
- 7.4 Angel [6.8]
- 7.5 Aftershock [6.23]
8 Season 7
- 8.1 Causa Mortis [7.1]
- 8.2 I.D. [7.2]
- 8.3 Menace [7.11]
- 8.4 Working Mom [7.14]
- 8.5 D-Girl [7.15]
- 8.6 Turnaround [7.16]
- 8.7 Showtime [7.17]
- 8.8 Double Down [7.19]
9 Season 8
- 9.1 Thrill [8.1]
- 9.2 Harvest [8.4]
- 9.3 Under the Influence [8.11]
- 9.4 Faccia a Faccia [8.15]
- 9.5 Divorce [8.16]
- 9.6 Stalker [8.18]
- 9.7 Damaged [8.22]
10 Season 9
- 10.1 Cherished [9.1]
- 10.2 DWB [9.2]
- 10.3 True North [9.9]
- 10.4 Ramparts [9.11]
- 10.5 Hunters [9.13]
- 10.6 Disciple [9.15]
- 10.7 Harm [9.16]
- 10.8 Shield [9.17]
- 10.9 Juvenile [9.18]
- 10.10 Admissions [9.22]
- 10.11 Refuge: Part 1 [9.23]
- 10.12 Refuge: Part 2 [9.24]
11 Season 10
- 11.1 Gunshow [10.1]
- 11.2 Killerz [10.2]
- 11.3 Merger [10.4]
- 11.4 Marathon [10.6]
- 11.5 Merger [10.9]
- 11.6 Crazy for Love [10.15]
- 11.7 Trade This [10.16]
- 11.8 Stiff [10.23]
- 11.9 Vaya Con Dios [10.24]
12 Season 11
- 12.1 Endurance [11.1]
- 12.2 Turnstile Justice [11.2]
- 12.3 Dissonance [11.3]
- 12.4 Return [11.5]
- 12.5 Burn Baby Burn [11.6]
- 12.6 Brother's Keeper [11.21]
- 12.7 Judge Dread [11.23]
13 Season 12
- 13.1 Who Let The Dogs Out [12.1]
- 13.2 Formerly Famous [12.6]
14 Season 13
- 14.1 Tragedy on Rye [13.4]
- 14.2 Open Season [13.7]
- 14.3 Bitch [13.15]
- 14.4 Smoke [13.24]
15 Season 14
- 15.1 Payback [14.12]
- 15.2 C.O.D. [14.24]
16 Season 15
- 16.1 Paradigm (15.01)
- 16.2 Ain't No Love [15.13]
- 16.3 Tombstone [15.20]
- 16.4 Publish and Perish [15.21]
- 16.5 Locomotion [15.24]
17 Season 17
- 17.1 Corner Office [17.10]
- 17.2 The Family Hour [17.22]
18 Season 18
- 18.1 Called Home [18.01]
- 18.2 Misbegotten [18.03]
- 18.3 Political Animal [18.06]
- 18.4 Tango [18.10]
- 18.5 Betrayal [18.11]
- 18.6 Excalibur [18.18]
19 Season 19
- 19.1 Rumble [19.01]
- 19.2 Exchange [19.20]
20 Season 20
- 20.1 Rubber Room [20.19]
21 Briscoe's Best
22 External links

Opening[edit]

In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: The police, who investigate crime, and the district attorneys, who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories.

Season 1[edit]

Prescription for Death [1.1][edit]

Dr. Auster: You solve every case you work on?

Logan: We can tell a felony from a traffic ticket.

Dr. Auster: Look, a patient walks in with a headache. She could have a subarachnoid hemorrhage, a berry aneurysm, a retro-orbital tumor...or does she just have a headache? Do you give her an aspirin? Or do you saw open her skull?

Max: You make this speech at funerals?

Nevins: Isn't it possible that pneumonia killed Suzanne Morton?

Medical Examiner: It's possible that death rays from Mars killed her. But I don't think so.

Dr. Auster: Well, people like to believe that medicine is pure science. Medicine is a science. But doctors know it's also a lottery.

Stone: We got what we needed from Dr. Simonson.

Dr. Auster: An intern, Mr. Stone. Are you planning on asking the cleaning lady to testify, too? About the time I threw the tissue into the wastepaper basket and missed?

Stone: You know the difference between Auster and a serial killer?

Robinette: The weapon.

Dr. Auster: When you practice medicine, Mr. Stone, sometimes the patient dies.

Stone: And when you're a lawyer, Dr. Auster, some of the people you prosecute are convicted.

Dr. Raza: My children want to stay in this country, my wife wants to stay, and to stay, all I have to do is to be perfect all the time!

Logan: Well you, uh, fell a little short of perfection on Suzanne Morton's chart.

Subterranean Homeboy Blues [1.2][edit]

Stone: Do you have any other personal views on this subject you'd like to air before we walk into court and Ms. Shambala Green hands us our asses on a platter?

Max: What do you want?

Stone: I'd like someone around here to stay on one side of the issue for ten seconds!

Stone: You said 'Here's your taste'. Sounds rather cool!

Logan: We're not talking about 'Squeaky' Fromme here.

The Reaper's Helper [1.3][edit]

Max: Do you think a lot of cops are gay?

Logan: No way, man. The department's got a special test. They look you in the eye, and if your left eye blinks before your right eye, they know you're gay. [blinks at Greevey with his left eye]

Curry: What gives you the right to decide how I should live the rest of my life?

Stone: Unfortunately, you did. Not once, not twice, but three times.

[A defendant has just punched Stone in the jaw]

Stone: It only hurts when I prosecute.

Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die [1.4][edit]

Max: How many times would you go out with her before you went to bed with her?

Logan: Once. Hey, what do you want, a bedtime story? I'd wait until the honeymoon?

Max: Did you ever hear about a new disease they got, called AIDS?

Logan: Did you ever hear of a new invention called condoms?

Logan: Are we 'your kind of people'?

Manager: Well, you make it in the looks department, but the wardrobe needs a lot of help.

Robinette: At least we gave them justice.

Stone: Justice doesn't give you grandchildren.

Happily Ever After [1.5][edit]

Max: And guess who it was registered to?

Stone: Himes, Gilbert?

Logan: Nope. And not to Ralston, Janet, either.

Stone: [surprised] Ralston, Alan?! Great. He was killed with his own gun.

Max: That's amazing. I know cops who been in shooting cases that can't remember their badge numbers afterwards. Her husband gets shot, she gets shot, victim of a horrible crime, she remembers every second.

Stone: True love. They'd sell each other out for a nickel.

Stone: Either she's evil, or she's two years old. She wants what she wants when she wants it.

Ralston: You don't scare me, Mr. Stone.

Stone: Oh yes I do, Mrs. Ralston. I scare you a great deal. And I should.

Max: I hate horseback riding. Scares the hell out of me.

Logan: Scary for the horse, too.

Schell: It's a crime of passion, Stone. Pure and simple.

Stone: A crime of passion is never pure, and it's certainly not simple.

Everybody's Favorite Bagman [1.6][edit]

Simonize: You ain't got nothing on me, except what he said. And that's just heresy.

Max: The word's 'hearsay', Simonize.

Girl:Are you the man?

Max: We sure are, honey.

By Hooker, By Crook [1.7][edit]

Hotel Worker: Fifty cents! I’ve been working hotels for 40 years, and I ain’t seen a two-bit tip since those Kennedys been in office. You see what I’m getting’ at? Then this duke asks me about getting a girl, and I tell him, 'A big tipper like you don’t need no girl!'

Jasmine: You should have sent your partner. I don't usually do discipline, but I would love to teach him some manners.

[Max has arrested a prostitute]

Curtis: You said you weren't a cop.

Max: I lied.

Curtis: Isn't there some kind of a legal thing about that?

Max: What, lying? I'm allowed to lie. They pay me to lie.

Max: What do you think?

Logan: Of a hooker who’s got a lawyer looks like he spends more on clothes than I make in a year? I think whoever’s paying his bill ought to adopt me.

Cookie: Look, the heart — that's not the part of the anatomy the girls are interested in.

Max: [on Jasmine being bailed out quickly] Look at that. In and out.

Logan: Just like work.

Poison Ivy [1.8][edit]

Logan: Somebody heard that shot.

Cop: In this neighborhood? You couldn't get a witness to a sunrise.

Lt. Gowdy: We’re all one family here, Sergeant.

Max: You an only child? I got people in my family, I wouldn’t believe ‘em they told me the sky was blue.

Stone: The truth will set you free. It won't always make you happy.

Captain Cragen: If you're wrong, and you go after cops...

Max: If I'm wrong, I'll go to the grand jury and say I killed the kid.

[Officer Parise's trial has just ended in his suicide]

Stone: It's the last one, no more cops, it's too hard.

Greevey: Know why I wouldn't let go? Because there but for the grace of God go I, or any cop. You get caught, you get prosecuted.

Stone: Didn't know you were a philosopher, Max.

Greevey: Just an ex-altar boy with a gun.

Indifference [1.9][edit]

Schiff: What does your gut tell you?

Stone: Put 'em in a dungeon, put 'em on a wheel, and annihilate 'em.

Dr. Lowenstein: Please. That was therapy.

Logan: For her or for you?

Dr. Lowenstein: For her! In Reichian therapy, the patient has to--

Max: Really get to know the therapist, hmmm?

Stone: Mrs. Lowenstein, tell the court why you struck your daughter hard enough to kill her.

Carla: Well, I was loaded, and I really didn't think I had any strength left.

Stone: Why would you do such a thing?

Carla: My husband-- He convinced me to.

Dr. Lowenstein: [jumps out of his seat] She's out of her mind!!

Judge Erdheim: Dr. Lowenstein! One more outburst, and I'll have you shackled for the remainder of this trial!

Judge Erdheim: [during the Lowensteins' sentencing hearing] As eloquent as your counsel was in your behalf, you are not the victim here, Mrs. Lowenstein. The victim was an innocent 6-year-old girl who couldn't defend herself. On the count of manslaughter in the first degree, the court sentences you to 7-10 years in a women's correctional facility. [to Dr. Lowenstein] As for you, sir, from this seat, I thought I had witnessed every degradation, every monstrosity possible, but you, Doctor, are beyond contempt. You have helped a woman destroy herself. You engineered the tragedy of a little girl's death. But you took pretty good care of yourself, didn't you?

Dr. Lowenstein: Your honor, I've lost my family.

Judge Erdheim: Yes, you have. Jacob Lowenstein, having been found guilty of murder in the second degree by depraved indifference to human life, this court sentences you to 25 years to life in a state penitentiary.

Prisoner of Love [1.10][edit]

Captain Cragen: Wow! I can see this leading to a whole new penological outlook -- we will only pursue homicides where the vic died in a state of grace.

Max: [reading a personal ad] MBBF.

Logan: Male bisexual bondage freak?

Pardee: Don't make me testify. It'll ruin my career. I'm perfect for young dad parts in commercials.

Hendrick: Art would be much more pleasant if we didn’t have to deal with artists.

[Spoken as police remove a plethora of bondage equipment]

Hendrick: It's my hope chest.

Stone: What were you hoping for?

Stone: Henry Rothman killed himself an hour ago. Couldn't face the thought of prison, I guess.

Hendrick: Did anyone take a picture?

Out of the Half-Light [1.11][edit]

Robinette: You think I sold out?

Stone: Does it matter what I think? If it does I’ll tell you, but it’s something you got to decide for yourself.

Robinette: You got a ‘shave yourself in the morning’ speech?

Stone: Maybe. Do you think of yourself as a black lawyer, or a lawyer who’s black?

Robinette: Depends on the context.

Stone: You make a decision based on something from within. You live with it, you examine it, it’s all you got.

Robinette: You think by morning I’ll come to love it?

Stone: No, but I don’t think you’ll have any problem with the guy in the mirror. See you tomorrow.

Eaton: You look me in the eye and you tell me this system is just. This system is equal.

Robinette: At times the system stinks, Eaton. I know that as well as you do. But don’t for one damn minute tell me that your self-aggrandizing polarization is going to solve the problem. Don’t tell me that tearing down a 200-year old justice system, no matter how flawed, is going to alter the consciousness of a society. Now, we’re past the separate drinking-fountain stage. We’re past legal discrimination. We’re at the hearts and minds stage. And believe me, there’s no quick fix.

Eaton: Another zombified soul casts his vote for order rather than justice. Negative peace over positive peace.

Robinette: Paraphrasing Martin Luther King’s thoughts won’t lend credence to yours. King walked with the angels...you’d slide in slime on your belly to get what you want.

Life Choice [1.12][edit]

Max: 17-year-olds shouldn't be doing the thing that makes babies.

Logan: And crooks shouldn't have guns. Get real.

Stone: Objection, this case is being judged on the temporal plane, your honor.

Kevin: [about the effect of his sister's death] This morning, my father made himself a cup of coffee. Put in milk, sugar...then he went over to the sink and poured it down the drain. He didn't know what he was doing. I was taking the highway to work, and I forgot to get off. I got to 95th street before I realized. I used to have a sister, and suddenly...I don't.

Schiff: Amazing. Getting angry. The most emotional issue that the law has dealt with since suffrage. Look at us: three men. Talking about what rights women should have over their own bodies. Now doesn’t that strike you as a little one-sided?

Mr. Donovan: Our daughter acted according to her own conscience. We can live with that-

Mrs. Donovan:[interrupts him, distraught] YOU can live with that! A martyr will never be able to tell me what a wonderful day she had at school. A martyr will never have a wedding. A martyr will never have children!

Stone: If you’re gonna stick your finger in my eye, Mr. Ballard, clean your own nails first.

Stone: If abortion is murder, then no matter how you feel about Mary Donovan, aren't you guilty of the murder of her unborn child?

A Death in the Family [1.13][edit]

Max: What if it was just you and Walker, alone in an alley, he had no gun, and was willing to surrender?

Det. Profaci: I'd shoot him in the face.

Cassie: You know, when I was a little girl, mama used to tell me that you do good? You'll be okay. [pauses] I guess kids got to believe that. 'Else they'd never grow up.

Landlord: I never got the fuss when a cop gets killed. You guys get paid to deal with scum- Whatcha think's gonna happen, you do that? Two weeks, three weeks... you'll be gone. But I'll still be here, and so will the company that pays my salary.

Stone: Do you know what this is?

Convict: It's a gun.

Stone: [sarcastically] Very good, can you spell gun?

Convict: Sure. D-E-A-L.

Stone: I see you've passed the spelling test.

The Violence of Summer [1.14][edit]

The Torrents of Greed (1) [1.15][edit]

D.A. Adam Schiff: I don’t photograph well with egg on my face, how about you?

Hoover: There is no fire like passion. There is no shark like hatred. There is no snare like folly. There is no torrent like greed.

Captain Cragen: This is New York, remember? Sometimes people get beat up just for the hell of it. Sometimes they even get dead, it's a fact of life.

Logan: Hey, they don’t play by the rules, why should we?

Stone: Because that’s our job.

Stone: 'Big Frankie', ha, ‘Dandy Don.’

Schiff: You too can have monogrammed socks.

Logan: Let me ask you something. If you liked Isaac so much, why’d you clean his register?

Hoover: Didn’t look like he was gonna need it.

Max: Did you see anything unusual in the neighborhood this morning?

Delivery Worker: It’s Greenwich Village, man. You tell me.

The Torrents of Greed (2) [1.16][edit]

McGinty: I inspect five buildings a day, five days a week, fifty weeks a year. So I missed a couple of violations, I’m human. You never lost a case, Mr. Stone?

Stone: Well, one mistake is human. Two is perhaps a lapse in concentration. Three is stupid, but the same mistake consistently over a period of two years indicates another form of human fallibility here.

McGinty: Such as what?

Stone: Greed?

Judge Fishbein: You lost, Mr. Robinette. This is America. One strike and you're out.

Robinette: That’s why we need a warrant.

Judge Fishbein: [laughs] A warrant. Sounds like a fishing license to me.

Max: [in a lot filled with exhumed corpses] What have we got so far?

Logan: Masucci’s greatest hits.

Stone: Call Cragen and tell him to pick up Masucci.

Robinette: For what?

Stone: I don’t give a damn. For spitting on the sidewalk.

Pilefsky: You’re bluffing.

Logan: Yeah, you’re right. We’d be real upset if something happened to a piece of crap like you.

Max: From '80 to '88, Beigal made The Post's 50 Worst Landlords list. Last two years, he's spotless.

Captain Cragen: Maybe he got religion.

Max: You ever hear of Don Quixote?

Stone: Did you ever hear about David and Goliath? And we have God on our side.

Logan: Katherine Beigel did in ten seconds what we couldn't do for ten years. Put Frank Masucci out of business. Permanently.

Stone: Justice is blind, detective. Nobody said it was fair.

Mushrooms [1.17][edit]

Captain Cragen: Nobody has a 'verbal altercation' anymore, you notice that?

Stone: You know, this Chamber of Commerce routine is getting on my nerves.

Logan: Ronald, stupid and tough is a bad combination.

Ronald: Yeah, well, it works for you, man, right?

Mrs. Griggs: Maybe if we knew exactly what you were looking for-

Logan: We wanna know who pulled the damn trigger! 'Cause it sure as hell looks like your Ronnie did it.

Mrs. Griggs: [Turns slowly to Ronnie] Tell them, Ronnie.

Ronald: [Smugly] No.

[Mrs. Griggs stands up, raises her hand and slaps Ronnie fiercely]

Mrs. Griggs: You think you can play this fool game with me?!

[Logan and Max are interrogating Diz Williams, a suspect in the murder]

Mr. Williams: My boy is 13, you can't do nothing like this! You gotta go to juvey, you gotta-

Max: We can do plenty when it comes to felony homicide, Mr Williams! So if you don't wanna blow parole, just shut up!

Robinette: We need motive.

Max: Who says the little son of a bitch needs motive?

Captain Cragen: Max...

Max: What the hell's his motive for this anyway?! "He took my seat." BAM! "He looked at my girlfriend." BAM! "I need dem shoes." BAM!

Captain Cragen: Max has been busting his chops on this case.

Robinette: I understand...

Max: Hey, I can apologize for myself, alright? Only I don't feel very apologetic! I'm fed up!

Kay’s Attorney: You haven’t mentioned any incentives for cooperation.

Stone: No? Well, how is this: if your client doesn’t start talking now, I’ll tear his life apart.

The Secret Sharers [1.18][edit]

Stone: The Commandment says: 'Thou shalt not kill.' It does not say 'Thou shalt not kill nice people.'

Shambala: I'm going for temporary insanity.

Stone: Yours or your client's?

The Serpent's Tooth [1.19][edit]

Osinski: [on the witness stand] Some of my money in bank, yeah.

Stone: Some? Now, the bank records show that there was, last month, $6,011,301.26.

Osinski: If you say so.

Stone: And the month before that, $9,615.

Osinski: Sounds right.

Stone: A six million dollar difference, uh…good month at the discount store, sir?

Schiff: A prosecution based on debt re-financing. That’s going to get you real far with the jury.

Stone: I’ll lay it out for them. I'll draw them a Monopoly board.

Schiff: Yeah, I’d like to see them get from 'Park Place' to 'Go.'

The Troubles [1.20][edit]

Logan: :[They look through a Lebanese restaurant's garbage ] How could somebody eat something that could even get to smell that bad?!

Agent Axelrod: What’s the matter with you guys in the D.A.'s office? Got no peripheral vision? Can't you see the big picture?

Robinette: We're just not blinded by it.

Robinette:Its a whole new concept: crime without punishment

McCarter: I'm no terrorist. I'm a soldier.

Mallahan: What he means is, he is a man of conscience.

Stone: What he means is, he is the misguided, romantic dupe of those who consider him completely expendable.

Logan: You know, it's weird. Two of our grandparents come from the same town. We've both got uncles that's priests.

Max: And you're both Libras. That’s destiny for you.

Logan: [reading faxes written in Arabic] Looks like a breakdancing chicken wrote this.

Max: O'Connell will have you believing there's no snakes in Ireland.

Logan: There aren't.

Max: Uh, touché.

O'Connell: May I ask you a question, sir? How with the map of Donegal on your mug did you ever end up with a name like Stone?

Stone: Happenstance, sir. Same way you ended up with the name of a real Irish patriot.

[After O'Connell has dismissed lethal IRA operations as 'human error'; following the testimony of a woman whose family was killed by a bomb O'Connell himself planted]

Stone: [to O'Connell] Take a good look. There's your "human error".

Sonata For a Solo Organ [1.21][edit]

Logan: [about McDaniel having his kidney stolen] Whoa! Talk about getting your pocket picked!

Cragen: Grand theft kidney. Terrific.

Surgeon: Kidney, kidney, never leave home without one.

Logan: You didn't think it odd that she had an anaesthesia machine delivered right to her apartment?

Medical supplier: Last week, I had a guy order 100 bedpans. For jello molds.

McDaniel: [testifies in court about his kidney being taken] People talk about feeling violated when some punk breaks into their apartment and steals a TV set. I felt raped.

O.T.N. Executive: The public must understand that the Organ Transplant Network is the one true democracy. One of the few instances where money doesn’t talk. At all.

Woodleigh: If you prosecute him, he'll die. I know he will. And for what? Mr. MacDaniel is going to be a very wealthy man.

Stone: With only one kidney.

Woodleigh: Just like I have, Mr. Stone. The hope is we'll both live long and happy lives.

Stone: Please believe me, I'm glad you're healthy again. I know how close to death you were. But, Ms. Woodleigh, do you really think your father would have acted any differently if you had needed a heart instead of a kidney?

Max: It's easier to bust out of Attica than to leave a hospital without paying.

Reberty's Attorney: What's it going to take to make you happy, Stone?

Stone: The Mets in the Series, peace on Earth, and Dr. Reberty in Dannemora.

The Blue Wall [1.22][edit]

Robinette: Plane lands, 2:45. Doorman says Detective Shearer and his wife got home at 4. He went upstairs, dropped his bags, left again 10 minutes later.

Det. Shearer: To get the drycleaning.

Benjamin Stone: After your honeymoon? That's very romantic. Paul?

Robinette: According to the doorman, Detective Shearer was gone for 3 hours.

Stone: Your drycleaner in Philadelphia?

O'Farrell: If there's any crookedness, I'll buy the whole department dinner.

Logan: At these prices, you'll have to take out a second mortgage.

O'Farrell: Only if I'm wrong.

Cragen: This is freakin' amazing. I don't know a computer disk from a slipped disk.

Judge: Before we adjourn, I want to note for the record that I am appalled. We often say that our public officials are not above the law, but that's not enough. They represent it; if they don't obey it, who will?

Season 2[edit]

Confession [2.1][edit]

Marie: [looks out the window while on the phone with Logan] What is this?

Logan: Marie?

Marie: [frightened] Mary, Mother of God!!

[outside his car, Max gets shot; Marie screams over the phone]

Logan: Marie?! Marie?!! MARIE!!!

Magadan: You know how to read a rap sheet, don’t you? Five arrests, three convictions.

Robinette: So you’re a loser, so...?

Captain Cragen: "...maybe threaten his old lady." Too bad he didn’t take that route, Marie would have kicked his ass.

Logan: Max is dead. I accept it. But I’ll never accept it, you know?

The Wages of Love [2.2][edit]

Ceretta: I wish we had a gun...

Logan: I wish I had a girfriend named "Lola".

Robinette: Never seen you like this before.

Stone: I have never done anything this potentially stupid before.

Asylum [2.4][edit]

Dr. Olivet: He's psychotic; he's not psychopathic.

Cerreta: What's the difference?

Dr. Olivet: Psychotic is when you believe the doorman was sent from Planet X to put mind control devices in your teeth. Psychopathic is when you blow the doorman away and take out 20 other people while you're at it.

Ms. Murdoch: How come every freak in the country lives in New York? Why don’t some of you people move to Nebraska?

Violet: I’m from Nebraska, sweetie. How do you think I got this way?

Lemonhead: I want that reward.

Cerreta: I thought Polesky was your friend.

Lemonhead: I'm flexible.

Logan: Crazy, not stupid.

Stone: [to a mentally ill witness] Your psychiatrist tells us that you have moments of rational thought. We're going to take care of you, and you're going to go back in there and have one of those moments.

God Bless the Child [2.5][edit]

[Logan and Cerreta listen to 911 call recordings, describing what they hear.]

Cerreta: Grandmother fell down the stairs... Daddy's beating up mommy...

Logan: An accident... boiler room explosion...

Cerreta: Want to move to a small town in New Jersey? I know one with a nice police chief.

Captain Cragen: So, you wanna send it to social services? It's your call.

Cerreta: The most we can get her for is endangering the welfare of a child.

Logan: No, no. What we get her for is manslaughter.

Captain Cragen: Whoa, Mike. Slow down. We don't get her for anything you don't prove she knew the kid was seriously ill.

Logan: All right. The housekeeper. What's her name? Uh, Amado. She knew damn well the kid was sick enough to get 2 cops.

Cerreta: Oh, that'll put the parents away for sure. She was fired. She'll say anything.

Logan: Getting fired? You think that's a reason to lie about the kid? [to the captain] You believe this?

Cerreta: Hey! What I think, what you think, what he thinks don't mean diddly-squat! Because in court, she's not a credible witness!

Logan: Credible?! The kid died!!

Captain Cragen: Well, well, what's this? Honeymoon over?

Misconception [2.6][edit]

[Logan and Cerreta jokingly discuss the alibi of a cab driver]

Logan: It's not bulletproof. I used to drive a cab- I'd some nights park outside of Susan Dennis' house, take care of business, and pay the fare myself.

Cerreta: [chuckles] So that would have been what, three or four minutes?

Logan:[grins] More like a trip to the airport.

Out of Control [2.08][edit]

Dr. Olivet: There's nothing as powerful as the unspoken.

Dr. Olivet: Girls are constantly bombarded with images of who they should be to attract boys; movies...magazines...television...Madonna...

Fermi: If you think that a woman doesn't know when she's being raped, then I hope you never find out how wrong you are.

Heaven [2.10][edit]

[The suspicious burning of a Latino nightclub, 'El Cielo', leads to the deaths of 53 people, and is quickly determined to be arson. ]

[Logan and Cerreta interrogate a hungover suspect.]

Logan: Where'd you go after that?

Chuey: No se.

Logan: No se? Or won't se?

Captain Cragen: What is less than square one?

Judge Waxman: This is a difficult decision. It brings the rights of the individual to head-on conflict with legitimate governmental requirements. However, I'm inclined to grant the people's limited request.

Pescador: What?! [gets out of his seat] This is worse than Castro, man!

[everyone in the courtroom goes berserk as the judge continuously bangs his gavel]

Pescador: You can't cut my leg without my say-so! I'm not going to no hospital! I'm not going to no hospital!

Judge Waxman: All of you, sit down! Quiet in this courtroom! Quiet! I said quiet, or I'll clear the court! [bangs gavel again] Excuse me! [bangs again, silencing the crowd] Excuse me, Mr. Pescador. We can and will. Now, sit down!

[Pescador sits down]

Judge Waxman: The defendant will submit forthwith to the surgical procedure, which shall be conducted in the manner consisted with this court's written ruling.

Robinette: Attempted homicide?! Those 53 people are homicides. They're dead.

Attorney: He didn't mean to kill anyone, Paul!

Robinette: Don't tell me you're even thinkin' about negligent homicide. Now, look, if he's only a messenger boy, he'd better start namin' names, or he's goin' down alone.

Attorney: He says if he goes to prison, the man'll have him killed.

[Robinette pins Pescador against the wall]

Robinette: Listen, to me, man! You don't go to jail, there's about 500 grievin' relatives out there who'd be happy to kill you! You hear what I'm sayin'?!

Pescador: I'll take my chances with them.

Robinette: This is a ridiculous exercise. No matter what, he's goin' down. We send him upstate, downstate, it doesn't matter. Somebody'll get him. This is not a perfect world, Cesar, but then, you already know that.

[Pescador tries to stand up on his incapacitated leg, but cannot and hits the ground]

Pescador: It ain't fair! You know, that assassin didn't even pay me. I get nothing for the deal.

Robinette: What assassin? And what's the deal?

Attorney: Tell him, Cesar. Tell him!

Pescador: A lot of people give the Cubano a lot of money for their micas. 5, 6,000 cash. And then they find out they're bogus. A bunch of paper, man. So they start making noise.

Robinette: What kinda noise?

Pescador: Lot of lawyers telling them, "Hey. You got rights, too". So the people, they want to turn the Cubano in. So he come to me, and he says, "Cesar, Cesar, I tell you what to do. You send those people a message. You put the fear of God into them".

Robinette: By burning down the club?

Pescador: It was supposed to be a warning! Like what they do in El Salvador. The Cubano, he says, "So some people burn, then so what? There's a whole lot more where they come from." The people in El Cielo... Lot of Salvadorans. They got the message. They got the message.

[Robinette helps him back onto his wheelchair]

Robinette: The Cuban. What's his name?

Pescador: Guerra. Domingo Guerra. He owns a club himself. The Del Mundo. Del Mundo.

His Hour Upon the Stage [2.11][edit]

Judge Silver: Have we got a clerk here? Is he on break or what? [reads docket] The People vs. Gary Wallace. The charge is murder, 2nd degree. Is the defendant ready to enter a plea?

Cobb: Your honor, if it pleases the court...

Judge Silver: Mr. Cobb, you couldn't please this court if you danced an Irish jig on your fingertips. Can we get a plea?!

Wallace: Not guilty.

Judge Silver: Somebody talk to me about bail.

Cobb: Your honor, a 5-year old crime... My client is a respected businessman.

Judge Silver: Whose car was used in the crime, counselor. Mr. Robinette?

Robinette: The People request 200,000, your honor. All cash.

Judge Silver: Mr. Robinette, do you know me to be vindictive? Bond'll be fine. 300,000. [bangs gavel] Where's my clerk?!

Star Struck [2.12][edit]

Robinette: We're not Gods. We're not even angels.

Severance [2.13][edit]

Cerreta: These guys sound like Boy Scouts.

Logan: Or shadow lives. Somebody paid good money to have them killed- you peer long enough, something emerges from the shadows.

Logan: Law Degree. A license to lie.

[Teasdale is convincing Tina to lie about Frank Kemp's whereabouts]

McManus: Sorry, I'm not very good at this.

Teasdale: For 25 thou you'd better be.

[Stone and Robinette discuss the hiring of Arthur Gold as Charles Martine's lawyer.]

Stone: If you're referring to the Jacobs case, that was six years ago, we were understaffed, and that laundry list of paperwork he made was abusive.

Robinette: It was good enough to suppress the murder weapon. Good enough to beat you.

Schiff: No excuses, you screwed up!

Stone: I thought-

Schiff: -Brains didn't enter into it!

Kemp: What are you putting in your coffee, Stone? 'Cuz you're high if you think-

Stone: I think this offer is good for another thirty seconds.

[Arthur Gold has lost the case to Stone.]

Gold: You're not that smart- you never were. [grins] Call me, we'll do lunch. [He drives off.]

Robinette: You'd really eat lunch with him?

Stone: Oh, maybe. If he orders crow.

Vengeance [2.16][edit]

Robinette: Eye for an eye's worked for thousands of years.

[a serial killer has avoided the death penalty]

Stone: I don't know, I think 25 to life is pretty good.

Robinette: I know two people that would call it a gift.

Stone: Maybe this would cheer them up. [hands him a newspaper]

Robinette: The obituaries?

Stone: Richard Speck murdered eight nurses and died in prison. He was 49. Cheney's 42.

Season 3[edit]

Skin Deep [3.1][edit]

Cragen: So where does that get us? A lover's quarrel?

Logan: After sex? Most people, you fight, and then have sex.

Cerreta: [To Cragen] He's not married.

[On interviewing models who might have killed a photographer]

Cerreta: Look on the bright side. If we do this all week, you'll never have to buy Playboy again.

Logan: What're you saying, I treat all women like objects?

Cerreta: More specific. Like furniture.

Cotton Queen: Sure, he asked me to do it. $2,500 a week on my back instead of $500 on my feet.

Logan: Well, it must have been tempting.

Cotton Queen: Maybe to you. But, honey, I don't think you'd survive. In my experience, cops just can't perform that often.

Cerreta: So you never turned a trick, huh?

Cotton Queen: Most beauty contests, some cracker judge would put his hands on my ass and offer me more money than I had ever seen to be his "date". I didn't do it then, I don't do it now.

Logan: Hey, Phil. You know that warrant you told that health club guy you'd get? Exactly what probable cause did you have in mind?

Cerreta: A senile judge.

Cragen: She's a hooker, Paul. She slept with her pimp, she got very angry, and she stabbed him. Call Eyewitness News, we've never seen anything like this in New York City before.

Shambala Green: [To Stone] Murder two? You couldn't convict her of bad manners.

Stone: If we had perfect cases, we wouldn't need juries.

Stone: Okay, so it's not a walk in the park.

Schiff: Yes, it is. You're going to get mugged.

Conspiracy [3.2][edit]

Marcus: The jury in Los Angeles delivered us a clear message. Black people are on their own! No justice except for what we do for ourselves. No prosperity, except what we create with our own hands! Well, I'm here to tell you that I welcome that message. Because we, as a people, are not without resources! The Jews did for their own. The Koreans do for their own. Now is the time to do for our own! Anger is a force for change, but not if it blinds us! The road ahead is filled with distractions! Hate for the white man is a distraction, and we are better than that! And I... I am here to tell you... Believe me, brothers and sisters, we will have the last word!

Forgiveness [3.3][edit]

[Regarding a steel pipe used as to kill a victim]

Cerretta: I don't think we're gonna trace it. We're still working on gun control. Pipe control's a way off.

Cerreta: You save your high school prizes?

Logan: Yeah. First prize. Multiple dress code violations.

The Corporate Veil[edit]

[Cerreta and Logan are investigating the death of a teenager due to a defective pacemaker. They have discovered it was second hand, and was in somebody else beforehand.]

Cerreta: This pacemaker has a lifespan of five years; That first cardiologist said it was in Mrs Barnett for three years.

Logan: That's right. And Halin said when he implanted it in Roberto, it was three years before the expiration date.

Cerreta: How's your arithmetic?

Logan: I know that three plus three equals Murder Two.

Prince of Darkness [3.8][edit]

[In an undercover job, Cerreta has been shot by a gun dealer]

Cerreta: Thirty years...I never even...fired...

[The murderer of the hitman the DA's office was prosecuting has fled to Colombia, and they are discussing the case. The phone rings.]

Schiff: Yes? [Listens] Uh-huh? [Continues] Not an accident? [Continues] Thank you. [Hangs up] The gun dealer was in the yard at Rikers; had his throat cut. The victim's mother was thrown out a third-storey window.

Robinette: What about the little girl?

Schiff: She was picked up after school by her uncle.

Stone: She doesn't have an uncle.

Point of View [3.9][edit]

[Logan, frustrated with Briscoe, asks the captain when Cerreta will be back]

Captain Cragen: I mean, I'm thinking back to when Phil came on. It’s not always love at first sight with you.

Logan: Look, I can handle it. I just wanna know how long?

Captain Cragen: I wanna know how long is my mother-in-law gonna live with us. I don't know, but I'm learning to enjoy her pot roast.

[Briscoe and Logan enter Scanlon's office; Scanlon is on the phone]

Scanlon: I just haven't seen any real money yet. [to the detectives] Hey, hey, guys, come on, now. I'm busy here!

Briscoe: [takes the phone] He'll call you back in 25 years. [hangs up]

Scanlon: What is this?!

Logan: You wanna put your hands behind you, sir?

Scanlon: What are you doin'?!

[Logan slaps the cuffs on him]

Briscoe: James Scanlon, you're under arrest for the murder of Thomas Duff.

Scanlon: Call the lawyers!

Logan: Good move. You're gonna need one.

Briscoe: Yeah, and don't tell his wife to keep dinner warm for him. All right?

Logan: And she shouldn't wait up to tuck him in, either.

[Briscoe has just accepted a free meal from a snitch]

Briscoe: Look, he thinks I'm corrupt, so he trusts me, all right?

Consultation [3.10][edit]

Briscoe: Right around the corner from here is the first place I ever saw Mose Allison.

Logan: Who?

Briscoe: I keep forgetting when you were born.

[Stone's Nigerian suspect has left the US before sentencing, and he confronts the Nigerian Consul to which the consul retorts.]

Sir Balewa: Our culture is not as "enlightened" as yours. Nwaka thought nothing about purchasing people's lives. He should be made to pay for his own.

Right to Counsel [3.12][edit]

Robinette: The defendant savagely murdered an elderly woman, your honor.

Judge Franks: Wait, wait, wait. It says here Mrs. Spiegelman was 61.

Robinette: That's correct, your honor.

Judge Franks: At my 61st birthday, you were cramming for a torts exam. I'd advise you to choose your adjectives a little more courteously, counselor.

Robinette: The People request bail of $500,000.

Knight: My client can hardly afford cab fare to Brooklyn, your honor. Why not make it a million?

Judge Franks: Why not? [laughs] And they say the elderly lose their sense of humor. [laughs again] Bail is set at 250, cash or bond.

Conduct Unbecoming [3.17][edit]

Stone is cross examining a Navy Captain accused of murdering a female Lieutenant.

Stone: What about the prostitute eyewitnesses saw you with, Miss Tammy White? They reported that you got very angry towards her-

Captain: That bitch deserved it!

[A brief silence]

Stone: Which bitch is it, Sir? Lieutenant Hagen or Tammy White?

Manhood [3.21][edit]

[Stone is delivering his closing statement in the trial of cops who were accused of allowing a gay cop to die instead of helping him because they hated gay people]

Stone: So, let's suppose that it's true what Defense Attorney Schell implies that each of you, all of you, sympathize with the defendants, trapped as they are in their fears; that, in fact, more people hate homosexuals than are willing to admit, then I venture to say that somewhere in your family history, someone somewhere hates you or your relatives for no other reason than that they are black or white, Slovak instead of Czech, Protestant instead of Catholic, left-wing not right. And are you going to let officers of the law determine which of you they will help based on who and what you are? If so, then don't dial 9-1-1, even if you think you're one of them because you may end up being Officer Newhouse. These defendants let a man die and, for all of us, you must hold them responsible.

Season 4[edit]

Sweeps [4.1][edit]

[after he kills the man who molested his son]

Sid: Somebody shot an animal. Call a vet.

Discord [4.3][edit]

Logan: I've been eager myself. It's not a crime.

[Briscoe and Logan catch C-Square]

Briscoe: Clarence Carmichael?

C-Square: Okay, you got me. I shot the sheriff. But the deputy, I swear, that was some other dude.

Logan: [slaps the cuffs on C-Square] I just love rock and roll.

Briscoe: Clarence Carmichael, you're under arrest for the rape of Julia Wood. You have the right to remain silent.

C-Square: Yeah, you have the right to kiss my ass.

Manager: Just keep quiet, Clarence. This is harassment. False arrest. You'll hear from our lawyers.

Briscoe: Oh, no. Not the lawyers. I'm scared. You scared, Mike?

Logan: I'm shakin' in my blue suede shoes.

Profile [4.4][edit]

Jackson: [testifies against Tunney] I remember the voice of the first white man who told me not to come in his store. I remember the voice of the doctor who told me I had a healthy son. And I remember the voice of the man who took out a gun and shot me.

Stone: [after a phone call] Tunney has been out on the streets since 4:00 this afternoon.

Schiff: What?!

Kincaid: Where's our notice?

Stone: Some clerk's dog ate it!

Black Tie [4.5][edit]

Stone: I don't mind when you want to make new law, Norman, but next time I wish you'd choose a more deserving client.

Professor Rothenberg: We can't always choose them, Ben.

Stone: So it doesn't concern you that justice won't be done?

Professor Rothenberg: My only concern is the law. I'll leave justice to a more majestic authority.

[an elderly witness has called the police department]

Lt. Van Buren: Any one of you have a girlfriend in a nursing home?

Logan: That would be Lennie.

Apocrypha [4.7][edit]

Logan: My mother used to beat me with one hand and hold a rosary with the other. The next time I enter a church, it'll be in a pine box carried by six of my friends.

The Pursuit of Happiness [4.10][edit]

A defence lawyer is attempting to discredit the Prosecution's Korean-American eyewitness with expert testimony that Cross-Racial Identification is unreliable.

Judge: You have an expert witness?

Lawyer: I do, judge: a psychologist.

Stone: Why didn't we hear about this in pre-trial motions?

Lawyer: Gee, Ben, I'm sorry. I was a little late with my legal research.

Stone: You knew about this weeks ago; you warned me that this witness would be a problem.

Lawyer: [Hurried] I don't recall that.

Judge: Off the record, please. [His scribe stops typing] I can't prove this, Tom, but I think you're lying.

Lawyer: Your honor, I don't think —

Judge: Don't play dumb with me. You didn't want Ben to know where you were going. I'll let you have your witness, but one of these days, you're gonna get caught, you'll get disbarred, and I'll be there to applaud.

Schiff: Quick, lock the door; someone might walk in with a case we could win.

Stone: Come on, Adam, the jury didn't buy it. Cross-racial identification, it's bogus.

Schiff: I wouldn't count your chickens; your omelette just hit the fan.

Nurture [4.20][edit]

[Logan and Briscoe are reading a young kidnapping victim's notebook of poetry for clues about who may have taken her]

Briscoe: [reading from notebook] "Flying away on a giant beast with my suitcase in its teeth."

Logan: That doesn't sound like Fenady to me.

Briscoe: Wait a minute. "On leather wings, I fly beyond, on top my friend the pteradon." The flying beast is a dinosaur.

Logan: So a brontosaurus did it.

Old Friends [4.22][edit]

Judge Torledsky: Shoots a man, pushes him under a truck? I've heard of overkill, but this is ridiculous. Can we get a plea here?

Rostov: Not guilty.

Judge Torledsky: Bail application?

Weaver: My client has strong ties to the community.

Judge Torledsky: And another community 12,000 miles away.

Weaver: Your honor, my client is a citizen.

Judge Torledsky: "Give us your tired, your poor, your vicious." Miss Kincaid?

Kincaid: Due to the risk of flight, your honor...

Judge Torledsky: Thank you. That's all I need to hear. I'll give this citizen his rights. He's remanded without bail. Next. [bangs gavel]

[Stone is leaving the DA's office]

Schiff: I never thought I'd get a letter of resignation from you. Thought you'd be here long after I was gone.

Stone: It's not entirely about you.

Schiff: That's kind of you, thank you. Steven Green is filing an appeal.

Stone: Based on what?

Schiff: Coercion of a witness. Anne Madsen.

Stone: Considering the witness is dead, the appeals court should be amused. I brought Claire up to speed on my open cases.

Schiff: She'll be fine. And you?

Stone: I'm clear as a bell.

Season 5[edit]

Second Opinion [5.1][edit]

Briscoe and Logan are arresting a suspect.

Secretary: Excuse me?

Briscoe: [continues past her] Don't mention it.

McCoy: Haas tells one patient she's got a cure, it's a little white lie. She tells 2 patients, it's unforgivable. She tells 3 patients, she's a murderer. She tells 4 patients, she's a damn murderer, and it's all admissible!

Coma [5.2][edit]

Kincaid: Sandra Dobson died on the operating table.

McCoy: And...?

Kincaid: They got the bullet. It doesn't match Dobson's gun.

[she is about to leave, when...]

McCoy: Claire? Amend the indictment. Murder-2.

Blue Bamboo [5.3][edit]

McCoy: If you're gonna play stickball in Canarsie, learn Brooklyn rules!

Samuels: [about the deceased] He had a lot of energy. I, on the other hand, have a wife.

Briscoe: My condolences.

Competence [5.6][edit]

Lt. Van Buren: I heard Zach Roland cut a deal.

McCoy: Lieutenant, it's nine o'clock, I'm in a bar, I've got a glass of eight year old Scotch in front of me, I don't want to talk business.

Lt. Van Buren: Tell me something counselor, were you born a wise-ass or did it just come with the job?

McCoy: I'm a pussycat. You should've seen my old man.

Lt. Van Buren: Your old man?

McCoy: He was a cop. You knew that. If it had been him who was unlucky enough to be in front of that ATM instead of you there probably would have been two dead kids lying on the sidewalk.

Lt. Van Buren: And you would have dragged him in front of the grand jury.

McCoy: Damn right. I would have gotten an indictment, too. [looks at Van Buren and they laugh]

Guardian [5.11][edit]

Lawyer: Well, I trust you're here to apologize, Lieutenant.

Lt. Van Buren: I do my repenting on Sunday.

Progeny [5.12][edit]

McCoy: Well-meaning people can disagree, especially about the most socially devisive issue to face our country this century. Drew Seeley has an opinion about abortion. He thinks that his opinion entitles him to kill people. Here's what he did. He hunted down a woman named Eileen Reid, he gave Randall Jenkins a gun and told him to shoot Eileen Reid. And he did. Drew Seeley is a self-appointed executioner. If you let him go, you better just pray that one day, someone like him doesn't find some fault with you.

[Seeley approaches the jury and speaks to an African-American juror]

Seeley: 150 years ago, you weren't considered a person. Or you. Or you. A man named John Brown thought that was wrong so he took violent action to liberate black American slaves. Well, he was caught and brought to trial and hanged because slavery was legal and the law said that slaves were not people deserving of protection. But you know what? John Brown was right. And the law was wrong. Now John Brown is considered a hero. Today, abortion is legal but I tell you, that law is wrong. Like John Brown, I follow a higher law. I ask you to do the same.

McCoy:[to Seeley] You can't point a gun at another human being, even an abortionist, and pull the trigger because, in your soul, you know it's wrong.

McCoy:You don't protect the weak, you manipulate the weak and get them to kill people for you.

Rage [5.13][edit]

Logan: Any chance you like any of the men you work with?

Female stockbroker: Give me a break, Detective. There's only two kinds of men that work on Wall Street. Standard and poor. [She gives Logan a speculative look.] But I hear that peace officers are a whole different story.

[Stockbroker enters limo. Briscoe and Logan look at each other.]

Briscoe: [grinning] You got your yardstick handy?

Logan: Oh, I got my tape measure.

[Talking about the suspect]

Logan: It's weird. The guy's got more money than God, but he lives worse than I do.

Lt. Van Buren: Howard Hughes never clipped his toenails. Got any homicides we can pin on him?

[After finding a ticket on their car]

Logan: [snatches ticket from the windshield] Aww, what is this? They got no respect anymore, these meter maids.

Logan: [to a Wall Street trader accused of murder] Well, you got your $2,000 suits and you got your hotshot degrees but, from where I'm standing, you're no better than some punk who robs a 7-11 store and blows away the cashier to cover his tracks.

Greer: I graduated summa cum laude from Harvard, magna from Stanford Business. I have 17 traders working for me, and I booked almost a billion dollars in trades over the last two years. Not only am I better than your punk at the 7-11, I'm a hell of a lot better than you, Detective Logan.

Performance [5.14][edit]

[Talking about amateur porn movies]

Logan: Hey. How'd you like to be in one of these movies?

Briscoe: You kidding me? I don't even like to look at my own X-Rays.

[Speaking to an editor at The Swinger's Guide]

Editor: Rape isn't part of the swinging lifestyle. The pleasure comes from an open and willing sharing.

Briscoe: Ah, but whatever happened to romance?

Editor: Our readers are interested in exploring another side of their sexual selves.

Logan: Yeah. The side marked "this end up."

[Briscoe is reading a copy of The Swinger's Guide]

Logan: What're you looking for, a date?

Briscoe: [reading] "Open-minded MBBF seeks mature man."

Logan: [looking puzzled] What's that? Male bisexual bondage freak?

Briscoe: I'm more in the mood for a BLT.

[Kincaid finds McCoy in a bar to discuss the case against Kyle and Shane]

McCoy: Rule #1: Never drink at work. Rule #2: Never discuss work while drinking.

Kincaid: They've overturned the verdicts and remanded for a new trial. Evidence of the Mack Rangers is excluded.

McCoy: Rule #3: If rule #2 is broken, never drink alone. [hands Kincaid a drink]

Seed [5.15][edit]

Logan: The nuns at my school were less sanctimonious than that guy.

Briscoe: The nuns at your school never went to medical school. You know those MD plates gets you a better parking spot in heaven.

Briscoe: [to Logan] You know, if I didn't already know you didn't have kids, I'd know you don't have kids.

[Speaking of artificial insemination]

Beth: It's the best relationship I ever had with a man.

Briscoe: I thought it was supposed to be anonymous.

Beth: That's exactly my point.

[Leaving the home of a pregnant lesbian couple]

Logan: Brother. And I thought I had it bad being brought up by two alcoholics.

Briscoe: I wonder which mommy's gonna teach him how to smoke and drink.

Logan: And shave.

Briscoe: Well, it's the '90s. Everybody's allowed to be gross and disgusting, not just you.

Logan: Well, all I know is I had one mommy, and she did enough ball-breaking for one lifetime.

Wannabe [5.16][edit]

[Discussing the chairman of the board of a prestigious private school]

McCoy: Not coincidentally, he's the one who assured us of the school's full cooperation.

Kincaid: Instead, the school circled the limos to keep the Barclay name out of it.

Schiff: I'm shocked.

McCoy: This isn't stink bombs in the boy's room, Adam. They hindered prosecution of an A felony.

Schiff: Now I'm very shocked.

[In interrogation with Mr. Barclay and his son.]

Mr. Barclay: I guarantee you, it was Harrigan that put him up to it. He and his father, they're all alike, with their Irish temper, they lose control, and the next thing you know, you have a murder--

McCoy: Oh, so Harrigan did it because he's a Mick? Detective Logan is a Mick. I'm a Mick, sir. And if you don't shut up, I'll lose control and throw you out of the room!

[McCoy has gathered the suspect's friends at the police station]

McCoy: I'm Jack McCoy. I'm the Assistant District Attorney for New York County. You are invited here to talk to me about the murder of William Harrigan. And make no mistake: you will talk to me. You're going to tell me every thing you know about Stuart Barclay and Colin Harrigan's roles in that killing. If you don't, if you lie, I'll add a new word to your vocabulary: conspiracy, to commit murder. You could serve as many years as you have candles on your birthday cake. Who wants to speak first?

Boy: You don't scare me. You can't lay a hand on us.

McCoy: I don't see anyone here to stop them. [Police Officers] This isn't a music video, son, this is reality. A man is dead, and our patience is wearing thin.

McCoy: It's over, Scott. Even your father realizes it. I've got you for conspiracy, and if I eat my Wheaties I can get you for second degree murder, and I won't care that you didn't actually pull the trigger.

Act of God [5.17][edit]

McCoy: I'm sorry about the cross-examination detective, I just had to rule Palley out as a suspect.

Briscoe: Hey, no problem. They pay me plenty to look like an idiot.

Privileged [5.18][edit]

[After visiting a series of disgruntled exes who've had dealings with a high-powered divorce lawyer]

Logan: You know, the more I talk to these guys, it reminds me why I stay single.

Briscoe: You mean it's not just the quality time you get to spend with yourself?

[After Logan has complained to Van Buren about the number of suspects, and Briscoe comes in with a lead on a suspect.]

Logan: Wow. That's almost a clue.

Van Buren: And it beats heavy lifting.

Briscoe: What?

Logan: It's Anita's sense of humor.

Van Buren: Lieutenant Anita to you.

Bad Faith [5.20][edit]

Van Buren: [about child molesters] There's people like him in every neighborhood. It could be the Little League coach, your kid's favorite teacher... It's too bad they don't glow in the dark.

[McCoy has found the evidence he needs to convict a child molester for 30 years of sexual abuse, and is offering him a harsh plea]

Krolinsky: For God's sake, Mr. McCoy, I have a family.

McCoy: I feel sorry for them.

Krolinsky: Look, I wanna get help. I'm a sick man, I-

McCoy: You're an adult! Your victims were children. There isn't anything you could say that would make me feel sorry for you.

[Logan confronts Krolinsky]

Logan: We called you Father! How could you do those things to us? You even did it to your own kid. How could you do that?

Pride [5.23][edit]

Briscoe: My respect for Durban is growing by the hour.

Logan: Yeah, he's so smart he's dead.

[Powell cross-examines Logan]

Powell: Detective, are you familiar with a term police use to describe a murder in the gay community even before they know all the facts of the case?

[Logan says nothing]

Powell: Come now, don't cause me the embarrassment of having to call up witnesses who've heard you say it.

Logan: [reluctantly] It's called 'homo-cide'.

McCoy: Two in five Americans think homosexuality is a sin.

Schiff: Don't worry about two in five, worry about one in twelve.

Season 6[edit]

Bitter Fruit [6.1][edit]

[during arraignment]

Clerk: Case #622395. People vs. Nicholas Capetti. Charges are murder in the first degree and kidnapping in the first degree.

Judge Fraser: Give me a plea.

Nick: Not guilty.

Judge Fraser: Miss Kincaid, what are the People looking for on this?

Kincaid: The victim's a 12-year-old girl, your honor. The defendant has a prior...

[suddenly, 3 gunshots are heard, causing panic in the courtroom; Nick hits the ground; Karen has pulled the trigger]

Karen: You bastard!

Court officer: Call EMS!

[other officers and Mrs. Capetti check on Nick while Karen is arrested]

Mrs. Capetti: Do something! Do something!

[Curtis walks up to Kincaid, who had ducked for cover]

Curtis: Kincaid, you all right?!

Kincaid: No, I'm okay. I'm okay.

Curtis: You sure?

Kincaid: Yeah, I didn't see what happened.

[after hearing that Karen shot Nick to death in the courtroom]

Schiff: How in Hell did she get that gun into the courthouse?!

Kincaid: I don't know.

Schiff: You don't know. Well, somebody better find out. Normal-lookin' people out there taking the law in their own hands!

McCoy: With 8,000,000 taxpayers cheering 'em on. They're lining up to pat Karen Gaines on the back.

Schiff: Right.

Kincaid: Well, it doesn't take much effort to put yourself in her shoes.

McCoy: Unfortunately, she's not the first parent to lose a child. That can't justify premeditated murder.

Kincaid: You wanna try her for murder-2?

McCoy: She had the presence of mind to smuggle a loaded weapon into a courthouse. I have 40 witnesses who saw her shoot Capetti. I don't see what the problem is.

Schiff: The problem is that your jury will wish that they pulled the trigger!

McCoy: If we don't come down hard on Karen Gaines, somebody else'll get the idea that it's okay to turn another courtroom into the O.K. Corral.

Schiff: And if she gets acquitted, what message does that send? I'm not takin' that chance. You're talkin' to her lawyer.

McCoy: Your son was convicted of committing violent crimes, isn't that right?

Mrs. Capetti: He wasn't a saint. I didn't say he was. And if he had anything to do with that little girl, then he should've paid by the law! Now, I could live with that, but not with this. [to Karen, furiously] What gave you the right to shoot him like a dog?!

Judge Caffey: Mrs. Capetti, please! Address the court.

Karen: How can you think for a minute that I would let my own child die? What kind of mother do you think I am?! You don't know what I did for her. For 10 years, I stayed in a nightmare marriage, just so she could have a real home. I fought for custody for her, but he had more money, more lawyers. He turned me into an addict, and then used it against me! That bastard! He stole her away from me! He told her lies about me! He made her afraid of me! I loved her!

McCoy: But you hated your husband more.

Jeopardy [6.4][edit]

Professor Rothenberg: It's a disgrace, McCoy. My client should be home helping his kids with their schoolwork.

McCoy: I saw the crime scene photos. I know how much his family means to him.

Peter: But I'm innocent. I didn't kill anybody.

McCoy: You've already learned the Rikers Island theme song. Good for you.

Schiff: You got past double jeopardy. You climbed Everest in your shorts on a very cold day.

Humiliation [6.7][edit]

Hooker: Are we talking afternoon delight?

Curtis: [pulls out his badge] I'd be delighted to throw you in jail.

Hooker: Can't arrest a girl for asking.

Angel [6.8][edit]

McCoy: Doesn't the Bible tell us not to kill, Mrs. Coleman?

Leah: I am already suffering for what I did.

McCoy: So now you know what you did was wrong?

Leah: Yes.

McCoy: Did you know it was wrong when you woke up that morning?

Leah: Yes.

McCoy: Did you know it was wrong when you ate your cereal?

Leah: Yes!

Fineman: He's badgering, your honor!

McCoy: Sit down and shut up, Mr. Fineman!

Judge Stein: Overruled. And you will address the court from now on, Mr. McCoy.

Aftershock [6.23][edit]

Doctor: Heard you did okay last night.

Mickey: Meatloaf and mash, couple Dr. Peppers.

Doctor: I would've gone with the pizza. Sausage and pepper.

Mickey: Maybe I should start over.

[the doctor places the needle in his arm]

Mickey: I bet you get a real kick outta that.

Doctor: Now's not a good time to go crybaby, Mickey.

Mickey: Yeah, right. In your dreams.

McCoy: Sometimes my mother had to lock herself in the basement.

Bar Guy: Son of a bitch hit her?

McCoy: Ten years. I'm still scared of those hands. He smoked like a chimney. Cancer. He'd lay there in that hospital room, with tubes coming out of his arms. They pumped him full of morphine, so he wouldn't know how much he hurt. He didn't know where he was. This tough... He just lay there. He was breathing, and then he was gone. [pause] I don't know why I'm talking about this. I never talk about this. Let's play darts.

[Kincaid is driving an inebriated Briscoe home]

Briscoe: You know, it wouldn't be so terrible.

Kincaid: What's that?

Briscoe: If you were my kid.

Kincaid: I guess I should take that as a compliment.

Briscoe: Hey, you're smart, you're pretty, you got a good job, and you don't hate my guts.

Kincaid: Lennie, I doubt your daughter hates you.

Briscoe: [laughs ruefully] You don't know her. I don't know her. I never will.

Lt. Van Buren: [voiceover narration over Kincaid's death scene] A crowd of people stood and cheered when he raped her. They were supposedly good people, and they did nothing. Then he beat her to death with a tire iron. And today, the state of New York got its revenge. It's not enough, and it's too much.

Season 7[edit]

Causa Mortis [7.1][edit]

Ross: I believe in monsters and things that go bump in the night, Jack. May they rot in Hell, along with their attorneys.

McCoy: [about Kincaid's death] You know, a few weeks before it happened, she told me she wanted to quit. I persuaded her to stay.

Briscoe: Yeah, well... I could have walked past that bar.

I.D. [7.2][edit]

McCoy: With all due respect, your honor, when you change the rules of the game in the middle of a trial...

Judge Marks: You're done, Mr. McCoy!

McCoy: ...there ought to be at least the appearance of impartiality!

Judge Marks: Officer, place Mr. McCoy under arrest for contempt of this court!

McCoy: I move for an adjournment so that the People may appeal your honor's ruling!

Judge Marks: Denied! Cuff him!

[the court officers slap the cuffs on McCoy and escort him out of the courtroom]

[Schiff finds McCoy in a holding cell with three other men]

Schiff: Nice.

McCoy: Adam. [to his cellmates] Mr. Barton, Mr. Jasperson, Mr. Montoya-- Mr. Schiff.

Schiff: We're in a good mood, aren't we?

McCoy: All except Mr. Jasperson. He was just convicted of murder.

Mr. Jasperson: Yeah, and it was bull. I'm gonna be gettin' outta here soon.

Schiff: Young man, sit down.

Menace [7.11][edit]

[at arraignment]

Clerk: Docket number 454320. People vs. Michael L. McDugan. Charged with murder in the second degree and assault in the first degree.

Crazy Mike: What, they're sayin' it's murder?

Judge Silver: Let's get your plea first, Mr. McDugan.

Crazy Mike: I'm not guilty!

Ross: The People ask bail of half a million, your honor.

Attorney: That's way outta line, your honor. This is at best an assault case.

Ross: The defendant terrorized a 28-year-old woman in the dead of night on a bridge ramp, and with depraved indifference, caused her death.

Attorney: The deceased jumped off a bridge on her own. Period.

Ross: She jumped to get away from Mr. McDugan. He didn't have to push her.

Attorney: She chose to die, your honor. My client isn't accountable for the actions of a disturbed individual.

Judge Silver: Miss Ross, it sounds like you're conceding Mr. McDugan didn't push her.

Ross: He may not have physically pushed her, your honor, but he...

Judge Silver: But what? He levitated her? Thank your lucky stars I'm not the trial judge. Bail is 100,000. [bangs gavel]

Working Mom [7.14][edit]

Ross: Laney Stevens filed her appeal.

Schiff: She's hoping they'll erect a statue for her on 12th Avenue.

McCoy: Even prostitutes deserve a patron saint.

Ross: It makes me wonder if they convicted her because we made our case or because she's a prostitute.

McCoy: They convicted her. I don't care why.

D-Girl [7.15][edit]

Heiss: Who told you she had breast implants?

Briscoe: We're the police. We know everything.

Briscoe: [to Dr. Levine] This isn't the planet of the Barbie dolls, Doc. Your average citizen knows these ladies have pumped-up ta-tas! What we have is a decapitated body and a killer walkin' around.

Turnaround [7.16][edit]

Schiff: I want you to kick the livin' daylights outta Neal Gorton. You can dig up Thomas Dewey to help ya! You're gonna win this case. Whatever you have to do, I want a conviction!

Showtime [7.17][edit]

Ross: [looks at her watch] God. Look at the time. I gotta go.

McCoy: We're not quite done here.

Ross: I shouldn't have been away from Katie this long. I'm due in family court in 3 days.

McCoy: We have to go back to Judge Callahan in 12 hours.

Ross: I'm sorry!

McCoy: Where are your priorities?! If Gorton gets ahold of this stuff, he'll come up with some cockamamie alternate theory of the crime. A murderer could walk free!

Ross: And I could lose my daughter! You know what, Jack?! That's an easy decision!

McCoy: Not for an Assistant District Attorney!

Ross: Fine! I quit!

[she leaves the office in a huff and slams the door]

McCoy: What's your current movie about, Mr. Newman? Talking bears?

Newman: Yes.

McCoy: A daring Neorealist foray into Jellystone Park? Does that fulfill your promise as an artist?

Newman: No!

McCoy: Heidi Ellison was keeping you from fulfilling that promise, wasn't she?

Newman: Not just her. Do you know what kinda crap they wanted me to make?

McCoy: But especially her. She could've let you make Madame Bovary, couldn't she?

Newman: Yes!

McCoy: But she didn't, did she?

Newman: She gave me a choice. The bears or a picture about a dog who's granted 3 wishes. I couldn't believe it!

McCoy: You couldn't believe what, Mr. Newman?

Newman: I had an actress, a bankable actress, who was attached to Bovary. But Heidi gives her $12,000,000 to do an asteroid movie instead, because our marriage didn't work out! [jumps out of his seat and raises his sword] That vindictive bitch! I could've made something!!

[everyone in the courtroom stares at him, causing Newman to sit back down and face-palm]

McCoy: [in his closing argument] Everyone likes a good story. Eddie Newman has made a career putting stories on film. And the defense in this case has told you a very good story about a sleazy psychiatrist and a man who believed he'd committed a murder, but recently realized that he didn't. What actually happened here is less complicated and far more sordid. A bitter, angry man viciously killed his ex-wife, dismembered her while she was still alive, and then lied about it. There's no clever twist to the plot. It's just the messy, ugly truth. Mr. Gorton has appealed to what he calls reasonable doubt. But reasonable doubt is not any doubt. God has given you all the gift of common sense. Use it. [picks up Newman's sword] Eddie Newman used this weapon to hack to death, not the woman he claimed he loved, but the woman he calls a vindictive bitch. Find him guilty of murder.

[after Newman's conviction and sentencing]

McCoy: Anybody wanna join me for a drink?

Curtis: Not me. I'm having supper with my wife.

Briscoe: I've got a date. She's no Lisa Lundquist, but she's all right.

McCoy: [to the ADA] I know, dinner with Katie.

Ross: Whenever possible. Tonight, it's possible. [leaves the office]

Schiff: Started with a killing, ending with an execution. You got what you wanted. Take the rest of the week off.

McCoy: It's Friday, Adam.

Schiff: So it is. See you Monday.

Double Down [7.19][edit]

Curtis: So he walks for killing a cop but does hard time for killing a cop killer?

McCoy: An irony he can savor for the next 25 years in Attica.

Curtis: What if I had tesitified that you told us to shut up?

McCoy: It would have hurt. At least you got to dodge the question by calling me an idiot.

Curtis: Yeah, that helped.

Season 8[edit]

Thrill [8.1][edit]

Briscoe: Dale! Now, let's do this the easy way. All right? Just open the door, and come out nice and slow!

Tagger: I can't.

Curtis: We're not gonna hurt you.

Tagger: I got no pants.

Curtis: It's just us guys out here, Dale. Nothin' we haven't seen before.

Tagger: Either I get my pants, or I don't come out.

Briscoe: [grabs Tagger's pants] All right, Dale. Here. Here. Look out the keyhole now. See? Here's your pants. Now, I'm tossin' 'em to ya.

[he drops the pants in front of the bathroom door]

Briscoe: All you have to do is reach out and grab 'em. Go ahead.

Tagger: Okay. I'm openin' up the door.

[he opens the door; Curtis knocks the door into his head]

Tagger: OW! No! Liar! I want my pants!

Curtis: [takes him away] Why, Dale? I don't see anything here worth covering up.

[Van Buren and her detectives, disguised as gang members, stake out Central Park in an attempt to find Tagger and Timon]

Briscoe: Okay. So the rumble in the jungle-- The night before, Angelo Dundee gets a big wrench and goes around all 4 corners and loosens the top. That's the Rope-a-Dope!

Lt. Van Buren: But it was Muhammad Ali who did the floatin' and the stingin'. The man was sweet! A poet!

Gang Member: A real poet is Milton. You wanna understand the ways of God, Milton's your boy.

Briscoe: When it comes to understandin' the ways of God, I prefer malt to Milton.

Lt. Van Buren: I know! That's right! [laughs and high-fives Briscoe]

Schiff: Clarence Darrow had Leopold and Loeb. Who do we have?

McCoy: Beavis and Butthead.

Ross: The Church protects murderers, the law says two people can fire the same bullet, and the victim's mother forgives her son's killers. You figure it out.

McCoy: You don't think you could? Forgive them, I mean?

Ross: No.

McCoy: Neither could I. What does that say about us?

Harvest [8.4][edit]

Sutter: I got bent over a chair by Miss Ross before. Now I'm getting another tingling sensation in my butt. Why is that?

Ross: ...wishful thinking?

Judge Torledsky: Bail, Miss Ross?

Ross: $500,000 on the doctor, your honor, and status quo for Mr. Camacho.

Sutter: I'm sorry. I still don't see why we're here.

Ross: People request the cases against Mr. Camacho and Dr. Cosgrove be consolidated.

Hilburne: On what grounds?

Ross: The People allege they both killed Nancy O'Neal.

Dr. Cosgrove: What? Me and this gangster?!

Hilburne: Your honor, Dr. Cosgrove is a respected surgeon!

Judge Torledsky: Enough! Elias Camacho remains remanded. Bail is set for Donald Cosgrove at $500,000. Now, go yell at somebody else. [bangs gavel]

Under the Influence [8.11][edit]

McCoy: He kills three people and hides behind the bottle.

Ross: The law says he can.

McCoy: The law. [scoffs] Probably written on a cocktail napkin. Intent follows the bullet! It shouldn't matter if it was fired by a drunk or Carrie Nation.

Faccia a Faccia [8.15][edit]

Dr. Skoda: Al Napoli, the Diaper Don!

Divorce [8.16][edit]

Mr. Burke: [after Atkins' allocution] You killed my wife to win a divorce case, and you're SORRY?!!

Stalker [8.18][edit]

Lt. Van Buren: [having heard of Briscoe's testimony] Where the hell do you get off pullin' a stunt like this?

Briscoe: They were gonna dismiss the charges.

Lt. Van Buren: So you lied to a judge?

Briscoe: I didn't lie.

Lt. Van Buren: I'm lookin' at the transcript, Lennie. You're an inch away from perjury!

Briscoe: More like a foot, foot and a half.

Lt. Van Buren: [slams the transcript on her desk] I am not laughing. How dare you go behind my back on somethin' like this.

Briscoe: We owe this girl something. We called her a liar, and we sent her straight into Lowery's arms. Well, I don't think she lied, and that's what I said.

Curtis: And thanks to you, Lowery's gonna walk.

Briscoe: What the hell's that supposed to mean? I stopped him from walking.

Curtis: What, for a couple of minutes? His lawyer just subpoenaed me to testify at the trial. For the defense!

Briscoe: Fine! So back me up.

Lt. Van Buren: One of my detectives lying under oath is more than enough! Thank you! That's it!

Damaged [8.22][edit]

Judge Wright: Does the defense wish to make a motion?

Painter: CPL 290.10. The defense moves to set aside the jury's verdict.

McCoy: Objection! The prosecution proved its case!

Judge Wright: What case, Mr. McCoy? Have we gone so far down the road of political correctness that sex between willing partners is now called rape?! The girl said yes!

McCoy: She has the mind of a child!

Judge Wright: Well, she's mature enough to be plenty intrigued by her own sexuality. Face it, counselor. She had the time of her life. Case dismissed.

Judge Wright: Now, Valerie, Hayden called you a retard, and you told him you weren't. Is that right?

Valerie: Yes, sir.

Judge Wright: And after that, did he keep on calling you a retard?

Valerie: No.

Judge Wright: Did you like what the boys did to you?

Valerie: I did what I wanted.

Painter: Your honor, the defense requests you deny the state's motion to reverse your prior ruling.

Judge Wright: Granted.

McCoy: You set aside the jury's verdict, because you unfairly held the state responsible for proving the boys' prior knowledge. The state has now done so, and you STILL refuse?!!

Judge Wright: Mr. McCoy, it's over! There is no case here. There never was!

McCoy: How would you know?! You made up your mind before you heard the first word of testimony!

Judge Wright: You're on thin ice, counselor! The defense request is granted! The state's motion is denied! You want to appeal?! Be my guest!

[after seeing Cathy's dead body]

Briscoe: She was my baby, Rey! What am I gonna do?

Curtis: Come home with me, partner.

Season 9[edit]

Cherished [9.1][edit]

[New ADA Abbie Carmichael has just had a seven year old boy with Attachment Disorder arrested for murdering his adopted baby sister, without consulting McCoy.]

McCoy: I hear you're adding a children's wing to Death Row.

McCoy: I could probably get an indictment for manslaughter.

Carmichael: Manslaughter?! They never gave that baby a chance. They faked an identity for her. They never told anyone she needed medical attention.

Schiff: I don't see any intent here to kill this baby.

Carmichael: It's depraved indifference. Murder two. They knew the baby was going to die. They didn't care one way or the other.

Schiff: Assumption. Charge them with Man-one.

Carmichael: We send a message that it's sort of okay to kill a baby? This isn't a couple of teenagers who killed their newborn because they were scared. These are two adults who went to a lot of trouble to dump a dying child and to cover their tracks. I may be the new kid here, but to me this sounds like murder.

[McCoy and Carmichael are disagreeing on whether or not to accept a plea bargain]

McCoy: Three to six years in a state prison is not a cake walk. How many drug dealers got a free pass from you?

Carmichael: The ones who could give me someone bigger in return. All the Connerys have to offer is their plea bargain remorse. She's still trying to blame it on Kostov. Did you see her husband cut her off?

McCoy: She is the least culpable of the three.

Carmichael: [exasperated] Oh gentlemen, please. That sorry excuse for a woman has a hole in her soul.

Schiff: That's enough.

McCoy: I can take care of myself Adam.

Schiff: Then remain objective. It was Edward Connerys actions that directly caused the little girl's death; and he's an attorney. He knew what he was doing.

McCoy: The Connerys' will never do this again. Kostov has and will, over and over again.

Schiff: Are Kostov's children better off in the new homes?

Carmichael: All but Marianna. [beat] I have a solution that will make us all happy.

McCoy: What's that?

Carmichael: No deals for anybody. Let's hang 'em all.

Schiff: [starts laughing]

Carmichael: Man-1 all around. I'll start working on the pre-sentencing reports. Any suggestions?

McCoy: You mean you should spend more time in prison, Kostov or the Connerys? Don't get me started.

Carmichael: We can always skip the report. Take no position and leave it to the judge.

McCoy: [wearily] Let's do that. For the sake of world peace.

Carmichael: The Waring's filed a petition to get their son back. We have until the end of the week to file our objections.

McCoy: [Holds his hand out] Can you and I agree that we're too busy?

Carmichael: [Turns his hand up and slaps it] Deal. [walks off]

DWB [9.2][edit]

Briscoe: Good old Ray-Ray. The trick was giving him a number he couldn't forget. Three: rhymes with "squeegee".

Carmichael: [looks stunned/horrified]

McCoy: Your first death sentence! You OK with it?

Carmichael: I only have one thing bothering me. Ray-Ray, the squeegee man? The cops told him which one was Fortelli.

McCoy: I know, I told them to. Perfectly legal. We were never going to use the identification at trial anyway.

Carmichael: Legal or not --

McCoy: Major felonies, Abbie. Welcome to the bigs.

True North [9.9][edit]

Bank Manager: I believe you're aware the Canadian government has instructed me not to comply with this subpoena.

Carmichael: That's nice. Are they going to send the Canadian army down here to help you carry your money and computers home?

Manager: I beg your pardon?

Carmichael: This bank is in New York county. [points] Those detectives are going to take it apart brick by brick to look for the documentation we've subpoenaed.

Manager: That doesn't make sense. The transfer you're interested in originated in Ontario.

Carmichael: These detectives are about to search every account file, every computer disk. It'll take a couple of weeks. You can close the bank down now.

Carmichael: We got Stephanie Harker's letter request to transfer fifty thousand dollars to Doris Nichols. It came by courier from Muskoka.

McCoy: [surprised] They caved.

Carmichael: Morals are morals. Money is money.

McCoy: Who are you going to shake down to get her car, the Royal Autoclub?

Carmichael: "Nice" for Stephanie seems to mean she hasn't killed you yet.

Ramparts [9.11][edit]

Carmichael: [annoyed that McCoy is willing to plea out a murder suspect in return for secret police files] For God's sake, Jack, why don't you just start your own country? No cops, no bad guys, just sweetness and light as far as the eye can see!

McCoy: If the police department doesn't want to be embarrassed by its behavior, perhaps it shouldn't behave that way!

Hunters [9.13][edit]

McCoy: No crime, no cover up. Three people dead and no one's accountable.

Schiff: Justice on a budget. What'd you end up charging them with?

Carmichael: Tampering with evidence. An E felony.

Schiff: Oh.

Carmichael: We arraigned them, they posted bail. Two thousand dollars. Then they walk away from three murders.

McCoy: We can always hope they jump bail.

Disciple [9.15][edit]

Schiff: Whatever happened to sending the kid to her room?

Carmichael: They tried that. The mother kept her chained to a radiator.

Carmichael: There's no church here! Rose Hallacy was a loose cannon!

McCoy: Who didn't take a dime from Margot Gracen or anybody else, ministered to these people out of the goodness of her heart, gave up worldly things to do the work of God.

Carmichael: Spoken like a parochial schoolboy.

McCoy: Six years at St. Ignatius.

Carmichael: Did they teach you how to do exorcisms, Jack?

McCoy: They taught us to have a healthy respect for the devil.

Carmichael: The only devil in this case is the woman we're trying for murder.

Harm [9.16][edit]

Carmichael: Doctors. I can't believe my mother wanted me to marry one.

McCoy: It may be time to make the best deal we can with all of them. Two years probation, a fine.

Carmichael: Oh, a fine! Ouch! Those poor doctors might have to hock one of their Porsche's.

McCoy: Abby, there isn't much of a case left.

Carmichael: But there's still a victim! Jack, she went in a healthy woman, she came out a corpse!

McCoy: Between the two of us, depraved indifference is a reach. Criminally negligent homicide is a gift! I wouldn't squander it.

Carmichael: You make excuses, I'll make the case.

Defense Attorney: Ms. Carmichael, we'd like to discuss a deal.

Carmichael: Why should I cut your client a break?

Defense Attorney: Well, you haven't proven negligence yet.

Carmichael: But here you are.

Shield [9.17][edit]

Carmichael: Did Pelham ever complain to internal affairs about her? That she assaulted him or was stalking him?

IA Lieutenant: We don't have anything on file like that. We got reports she spends a lot of time in the gym with her fellow female officers.

McCoy: Your point?

IA Lieutenant: Maybe she's got a problem with men.

Carmichael: Thank you for dropping by, lieutenant. Careful you don't get carpet burns on your knuckles.

Carmichael: After six years, I still don't know what cops are about.

McCoy: I grew up with one. I don't know, either.

Carmichael: Well, they're real good at circling the wagons to protect themselves from the likes of us.

McCoy: And who protects them from each other?

Juvenile [9.18][edit]

McCoy: Andrew Hampton accepted our offer. Attempted Man 1, six to twelve years in jail.

Carmichael: Well hopefully his sister will be joining him.

McCoy: You don't think he can convince a jury Nicole put him up to it?

Carmichael: I think she'll toss her hair back a few times and convince them she didn't.

McCoy: Really cynical, Abby.

Carmichael: Your honor, the defendant was identified by the witness and can be linked to the weapon. It's a matter of luck he's not here facing a murder charge. The People request half a million dollars bail.

Andrew's attorney: Something more reasonable, your honor?

Judge Torledsky: 150, cash or bond. [to the stenographer] That's thousands, Arthur. May 15th. Next.

Admissions [9.22][edit]

McCoy: Any indication it's Clemente?

Carmichael: The cops asked him for a DNA sample, he refused.

McCoy: Did he have a reason?

Carmichael: Outrage. He says the suspicion of him is racist.

Schiff: Only Hispanic professor on a white campus. Could be he's right.

Carmichael: Could be he did it.

McCoy: Let's make sure we're not trashing this man's reputation just because he's uncooperative.

Carmichael: But let's not let it go just because he's screaming racism!

Refuge: Part 1 [9.23][edit]

McCoy: Tell Mr. Margolis he can stuff his motion to dismiss.

Carmichael: Malenkov's gotta be making a quarter of a million a month by massaging sore muscles.

McCoy: Ain't America grand?

Carmichael: You've gotta hand it to him, though. He's been here six years, he's working the system like a slot machine. I'm still trying to figure out alternate side of the street parking.

Refuge: Part 2 [9.24][edit]

Van Buren: Latent got a pop on their fingerprints from a murder in Dade County six months ago.

Carmichael: Oh, the Sunshine State. Have knives, will travel.

McCoy: This case started with a single murder committed to gain control of a Russian bank to launder dirty money. It's all about the money. We connect Volsky, Malenkov, Pinella to those bags at J.F.K., we can get them for everything.

Carmichael: A RICO case.

McCoy: Let's get started.

Schiff: I'm ordering police protection for both of you. I don't want martyrs, I want convictions. How's that coming along?

Carmichael: Slower than molasses.

Schiff: Yep.

Carmichael: But we found a new player. One of the overseas accounts running currency from the Russians is controlled by the Matterra family.

Van Buren: The Sicilian mob.

Carmichael: The Russians are positioning themselves to be money launderers for the world.

Schiff: Lenin must be spinning in his mausoleum.

Carmichael: Girlfriend went wheels up two days ago. One step ahead of our subpoena. She took a flight out of Montreal, emptied her London account.

McCoy: I guess she wanted to save Volsky the bother of having to kill her.

McCoy: (his closing argument) Following the rules does not put you above the law. Just ask the Swiss bankers who appropriated the unclaimed accounts of Holocaust victims. Following the rules does not explain how someone who runs a bank could be so incompetent, so gullible. There can be only one explanation. Mr. Radford willingly turned a blind eye to what was obviously a criminal enterprise. And the Russian mob didn't have to cut off his uncle's hands to get him to do it. All they had to do was wave a fat commission in front of him. Now, some might think that money laundering is just some white-collar crime far removed from our everyday concerns. Let me remind you what money laundering is really about. Mr. Radford made his commission on the backs of these people. This country has always been a beacon to the world for liberty and justice. That's why we keep our borders open. But we're also a beacon for another kind of people, for criminals and con men. We rely on the law to protect us from them. Sometimes, that's not enough. Do we need more law, less freedom? Do we cross out parts of the Constitution? I've learned that's not the answer. The answer is that each one of us is responsible to everyone else. Not one of us can afford to turn a blind eye. By respecting the laws we do have, by living up to the true meaning of the word "citizen," we preserve our common good. Through his deliberate ignorance, Mr. Radford allowed a criminal enterprise to flourish. Innocent people to be killed. He allowed a cancer to grow. This is where it has to stop. Here in this court room, with you.

Season 10[edit]

Gunshow [10.1][edit]

Mr. Weber: We weren't ignoring your requests. As a matter of fact, we had a meeting with our lawyers about it.

Carmichael: What did ya'll decide?

Mr. Weber: Much as we'd like to cooperate, it would force us to reveal trade secrets which would damage our ability to remain competitive.

Carmichael: Trade secrets? Mr. Weber, you make guns, not soda pop.

Defense Lawyer: You're taking the death penalty off the table with the city screaming for blood?

McCoy: The victims families need closure, not blood.

Defense Lawyer: My client's a healthy young man. Life without parole, that could be fifty or sixty years.

Carmichael: He could always take up smoking.

McCoy: Rolff makes a product that any clever twelve-year-old can turn into a weapon of mass destruction.

Schiff: I'm appalled. Write them a letter.

Carmichael: Jack wants the jury to make a finding of emotion, not of fact. This isn't a trial. It's gun control by other means.

McCoy: They can sell guns on the internet. Talking about control is a joke.

Carmichael: So this is your answer? Putting gun makers in jail?

McCoy: I'd like to start by putting Rolff Firearms out of business!

Carmichael: Responsible adults can own firearms without the entire country sinking into criminal anarchy.

McCoy: What's the point? Maybe when the redcoats were coming over Bunker Hill.

Carmichael: How about somebody six foot five coming through my door? The people have a right to defend themselves!

Judge Wright: Madam Foreperson, as to each of the 15 counts of the indictment: Murder in the second degree, has the jury reached a unanimous verdict?

Foreperson: Yes, we have, your honor. We find the defendant guilty.

[applause is heard in the courtroom; the judge bangs his gavel, silencing them]

Judge Wright: Order! Order! Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I thank you for your service. You are excused. [to the stenographer] Don't pack it up just yet, Linda. I'm finding, as a matter of law, the People failed to meet the standard of proof I said at the beginning of trial. The People did not establish that the weapon was hazardous per se, nor that the main actor in the homicide used the weapon as it was intended to be used by Mr. Weber. Therefore, I'm setting aside the jury verdict and issuing a directed verdict of not guilty. The defendant is free to go. [bangs gavel]

McCoy: Objection!

Judge Wright: [bangs gavel again] Order! Order!

McCoy: [approaches the bench] I'm filing notice of the People's intent to appeal! This is outside the scope of your authority!

Judge Wright: Mr. McCoy, I'm not gonna sanction a verdict that can't possibly be sustained on appeal. This conviction isn't based on any proven facts. It's based on the jury's outrage at Mr. Weber's irresponsible and inexcusable conduct. You wanna end the violence, the bloodletting. So do I, Mr. McCoy. In my 30 years on the bench, I've seen every permutation of it, and it sickens me when somebody profits from it! But tempted, though I may be, putting Mr. Weber in jail won't end the carnage. Until we cure what ails the human heart, it won't make a dent in the body count. In the meantime, no matter how profound our grief, our indignation, I can't let you use this court to raise a lynch mob. I won't allow you to exploit the same base actions Mr. Weber counts on to beef up his bottom line! It's not about being right, Mr. McCoy. It's about doing right. Now, we're adjourned.

Killerz [10.2][edit]

Skoda: Jenny's been emotionally abused, maybe physically. She lashes out when her anger reaches the boiling point.

Carmichael: So we lock this girl up?

Skoda: Get used to it. There are more and more girls committing violent crimes. I don't see anything from Jenny except a future of escalating antisocial behavior.

McCoy: What makes you say that?

Skoda: Emotional abuse. The snuffed cat. Blacked out photographs. Her lack of response when I went after her.

McCoy: Fantasies about hurting little boys.

Skoda: Previews of coming attractions. She's graduated to murder, she's not going to stop.

Carmichael: You sound pretty sure.

Skoda: The kid's a done deal. She's a textbook serial killer. You just got her early.

Merger [10.4][edit]

Carmichael: The laws for the rich are different.

McCoy: What laws for the rich?

Lt. Van Buren: [to Briscoe] You were never a kid?

Green: Old Spice forgot to take his gingko.

Marathon [10.6][edit]

Green: I heard the news. We get the gun, they toss it. We get the confession.

Briscoe: We?

Green: I've been sayin' "we" to cover your ass, outta respect for you.

Briscoe: I don't need that kinda respect.

Green: Good, 'cause I've been walkin' on eggshells ever since we caught this case.

Briscoe: 'Bout as long as you've been pissin' me off.

Green: Pissing you off?! Why? 'Cause I don't blend in with the rest of the roaches?

Briscoe: Oh, is that what this is about?! Because you know that's not how I meant that!

Green: No, no, no. I will tell you what I know. If it wasn't for your screw-ups, we'd have nailed this guy a long time ago!

Briscoe: My screw-ups?! Your stuff's been gettin' thrown outta court ever since you got here!

Green: Well, maybe I take chances, because my partner can't get it up!

Briscoe: [throws the transcript at his partner] Maybe you just get off on takin' chances!

Lt. Van Buren: BRISCOE!

[Briscoe turns to the angry lieutenant]

Lt. Van Buren: In my office!

[Briscoe enters Van Buren's office after his clash with Green]

Lt. Van Buren: What's goin' on?

Briscoe: I'm done workin' with Green.

Lt. Van Buren: The hell you are!

Briscoe: I don't need him second-guessing everything I do.

Lt. Van Buren: Green's not your problem.

Briscoe: Then what is my problem? You tell me.

Lt. Van Buren: That's what I'm tryin' to figure out.

Briscoe: You think I'm too old to cut it?!

Lt. Van Buren: Whoa! Now, where's that comin' from?

Briscoe: From the flavor of the month out there.

Lt. Van Buren: You've been here 6 years. You know I don't play favorites.

Briscoe: Well, 6 years should count for somethin' more than my pension.

Lt. Van Buren: Look, I'm behind you, Lennie. But I believe this case is messin' with you.

Briscoe: This case pans out the same whether I'm 25 or 75!

Lt. Van Buren: Right. I'm glad you feel that way. So, pull yourself together, because it isn't over.

Merger [10.9][edit]

[Lt. Van Buren gets an e-mail]

Lt. Van Buren: I can't believe this! My kid's laptop. The computer company from Hell sent it back without repairing it!

Briscoe: I told ya, those gizmos...

Lt. Van Buren: I heard you the first time.

Crazy for Love [10.15][edit]

Carmichael: How do you wash it off, Jack?

McCoy: Wish I knew.

Trade This [10.16][edit]

Dantoni: I appreciate you seeing me, Mr. McCoy.

McCoy: This isn't a courtesy. You have information regarding this homicide?

Dantoni: I have. We do.

McCoy: You understand there's no offer of immunity, for either you or your son?

Dantoni's Attorney: Mr. Dantoni merely seeks the same offer your office provides any other crime victim.

McCoy: Crime victim?

Dantoni: This is a strange situation for all of us. I'm used to handling my own problems my own way, but this is different. My son did not commit any murder.

McCoy: That's the extent of your information?

Dantoni: My son's a moron, but he's not a murderer.

Carmichael: So he's only half a chip off the old block.

Stiff [10.23][edit]

Carmichael: What do you call this?

Green: Besides a bunch of crazy, rich white people with too much time on their hands?

Carmichael: [dealing with a defendant who makes wild changes to his story] It's a suicide, it's an accident, it's a breath mint! This guy gives me a headache!

Carmichael: She denied knowing her mom had Parkinson's, she lied about the money, she's 0 for 2 and counting.

McCoy: Getting her paws on that money is a pretty good motive for a murder.

Carmichael: Except it's her step-dad who pulled the trigger. Wow, what a cozy little family this is turning out to be.

McCoy: Once you turn to necrophilia, incest doesn't seem so bad.

Carmichael: Moore must be feeling pretty stupid sitting in Riker's while Debbie is out spending up a storm. He might be in the mood to deal.

McCoy: I'm not. Get a search warrant for her office and home. We find evidence they had an affair, they can both rot.

Schiff: Have you arrested this girl?

Carmichael: Not yet.

Schiff: Are you waiting for an invitation?

Vaya Con Dios [10.24][edit]

McCoy: "May it please the court.

Man has only the rights he can defend. Our most basic right is life. It's enshrined not only in our Constitution, but in the charter of the United Nations. The prohibition against taking a life is found in our most ancient texts and in the statutes of every nation. Every murder, whether in Brooklyn, Santiago, Rwanda or Kosovo, demands punishment by whatever legal means possible. Otherwise, the right to life is just an empty promise. "

(in response to a question from a justice) "On the contrary, Madam Justice, timidity in the pursuit of murderers is no virtue. The Founding Fathers affirmed life as an absolute right. If the laws protecting that right are to have any meaning, they must be given the broadest interpretation.

...The law against murder applies to all. No matter the perpetrator, the victim, or the country where the murder is committed. It is the one moral law that recognizes no national, racial or religious boundaries. It can tolerate no exceptions. There is one law. One law.

And when that law is broken, it is the duty of every officer of any court to rise up in defense of that law, and bring their full power and diligence to bear against the law breaker. Because, man has only those rights he can defend. Only those rights."

Season 11[edit]

Endurance [11.1][edit]

McCoy: Your Honor, this is nothing more than Mr. Peck's conceit that he can pull a rabbit out of a hat, and his never ending love for an opportunity just to hear himself talk.

McCoy: It's possible she suppressed her memory of that night. It's possible she felt too guilty to fully participate in her own defense.

Carmichael: It's also possible that her lawyer isn't the idiot that we take him for. He held on to this until he thought it would do the most good.

McCoy: No, he's an idiot.

Turnstile Justice [11.2][edit]

Lewin: You have a defendent responsible for sending a dangerous psychotic out among the citizens of New York. Whatever excuses he has, whatever excuses the two of you have, now that you've gone after him I want you to run him to ground.

Lewin: How much time will Andrews serve with good behavior?

Carmichael: Under a year.

Lewin: Good, that means jail not state prison. He'll serve it at Rikers. Let's hope he has a good immune system.

Judge Mizener: Mr. Gallant, you understand that by pleading guilty, you'll be sentenced to a period of 10-20 years?

Brian: Yes.

Judge Mizener: Did you kill Stephanie Donatelli?

[Brian nods]

Judge Mizener: I need you to answer for the stenographer.

Brian: Yes.

Judge Mizener: Did you attack Nadine Konchalovsky?

Brian: Yes.

Judge Mizener: Can you tell us why you committed these crimes?

Brian: No reason.

Judge Mizener: Now, Mr. McCoy, I assume a motion to vacate the charges against the individual currently incarcerated for the attack on Miss Konchalovsky has been filed.

McCoy: It has, your honor. He'll be released as soon as I let corrections know that we're done.

Judge Mizener: We're done.

Mr. Donatelli: [jumps out of his seat in despair] We're done?

Judge Mizener: Please, Mr. Donatelli.

Mr. Donatelli: You guys declare yourselves done, and you're done? [points at Brian] You say the one and only person responsible for Steph getting killed is this lunatic?! You put a line through it on your list, and then you pat yourselves on the back?!!

Judge Mizener: Mr. Donatelli, I understand you're upset, but this isn't the time or the place to address these things.

Mr. Donatelli: Tell me when is the time and place, and I'll be there! [points at Brian again] Tell me when you're gonna hold someone accountable for turning him loose on Steph, and I'll be there.

McCoy: No one should be heard to say that providing medical care at Rikers Island is easy. Nor is it the position of this District Attorney's office that there aren't legitimate financial constraints on the provider. We've heard that the defendant operating under those constraints is just a simple man doing the best he could. Let's look at that a little bit: Brian Gallant was at Rikers for a year; he was medicated on a daily basis by the defendant's company, with the defendant's knowledge. On the day he was released, he was hallucinating and disoriented. Nonetheless, he was handed over to the Department of Corrections, who dropped him off at a subway station in the middle of the night. He was given no medication, no referral for ongoing care. Not an address to go to; not a phone number to call. This was not done by accident or oversight. This was the express instruction of the defendant. Was not the violent behavior of Brian Gallant a foreseeable event? Was not the defendant well aware, not only of Mr. Gallant's propensities, but of the risk he constituted for every person he came in contact with? The answer is: Of course, he was aware of it; of course, he chose to ignore it; of course, it was his recklessness that brought about this woman's death. Find him guilty, Ladies and Gentlemen. He deserves it.

Dissonance [11.3][edit]

Judge Wright: You need to understand that when it comes to trying someone for murder, particularly someone like Carl Reger, who's given so much of himself to the city, that Jack McCoy doesn't get a free one.

Lewin: And you need to understand that veiled threats disguised as friendly advice sound an awful lot to me like judicial bias. Especially when delivered ex parte.

Judge Wright: First off, I don't have to justify my decisions to you. Second, that sound you hear is the ice cracking underneath your feet.

Lewin: With all due respect, your honor, you weigh more than I do. I request that you recuse yourself from the case of the people versus Reger.

Judge Wright: Request denied.

Lewin: Then you can explain yourself to the grievance board.

Judge Wright: You file a complaint against me then your ADAs will never get to first base inside my courtroom. Based strictly on the merits of their cases.

Lewin: If you threaten me again I'll report this conversation and our last conversation to the presiding judge of the appellate division. And if you step over the line in court just once, I'll take you down and you won't get up again.

Return [11.5][edit]

Rabbi 1: We offer no opinion on the sincerity of Mr. Becker's beliefs, or on who's entitled to try him where and for what. This is not up to us. All we can determine is whether the standard for conversion has been met. Without proof of a mikveh, we have to say it has not. Also, we see no evidence that, to this point, Eli Becker has been living what we could call a Jewish life style. Accordingly, Eli Becker is ruled not Jewish.

[Eli's father shouts in Hebrew and jumps out of his seat in fury]

Feldman: Rabbis? Rabbis, can I be heard?

Rabbi 1: Our ruling will be put into writing and made available to both sides by the end of the day.

Mr. Becker: I had half my family die in the ovens! Who the hell are you to tell me that my son is not Jewish?!

Rabbi 1: Sorry, Mr. Becker. This is not up to us.

Mr. Becker: A stinking technicality! And these momzers'll hang him for it!

Rabbi 3: The Talmud has no technicalities, Mr. Becker. Only laws.

Mr. Becker: Drop dead!

Burn Baby Burn [11.6][edit]

Lewin: Don't beat yourself up too badly over this one, Jack.

McCoy: A guy shoots a New York City police officer in the line of duty and I can't convict him.

Lewin: Enough of the jury identified with his fear of cops.

McCoy: Used to be a fear of cops didn't justify shooting them.

Lewin: Used to be a lot of things.

Clerk: People vs. Latiff Miller. Murder in the first degree.

[a lot of Miller's followers in the gallery shout in protest; the judge bangs his gavel]

Judge Torledsky: If I hear another word from the gallery, I'm gonna clear the courtroom! [bangs gavel again, calming everyone down] How does the defendant plead?

Chiles: My client has a statement, your honor.

Miller: Given that I'm here, as a political prisoner,...

Follower: Tell 'em, Miller!

Miller: The Geneva convention doesn't afford this court jurisdiction!

[his followers shout in agreement, until Torledsky bangs his gavel again]

Judge Torledsky: That's enough! Mr. Miller, I'm entering a plea of not guilty.

Carmichael: People request remand, your honor. Mr. Miller killed a police officer, and then fled the scene in order to avoid capture.

Chiles: He was praying at a mosque, your honor. He's a pillar of his community.

Carmichael: The People are considering the death penalty.

[the followers in the gallery shout again; the judge bangs his gavel again]

Judge Torledsky: No bail. The defendant is remanded. Move on to motion.

Brother's Keeper [11.21][edit]

Dr. Rodgers: Margaret Sikorsky, 24, ODed. Death resulted from a lethal combination of high potency cocaine and several prescription drugs. I can give you a copy of this.

Briscoe: How did she get here?

Dr. Rodgers: Same as everybody else: she died.

Judge Dread [11.23][edit]

Lewin: I'd like to think I can do this job without becoming a cynic.

McCoy: I'm not a cynic. I get up every morning hoping to find an honest man.

Season 12[edit]

Who Let The Dogs Out [12.1][edit]

Sherri: He was scared for our sake. King was a good dog.

(King is brought in on a leash with a metal muzzle over his mouth, snarling, barking and lunging)

McCoy: You just described your dog as friendly, Miss Quinn. Would you like to pat him now?

Formerly Famous [12.6][edit]

Briscoe: Vega hasn't had a gig in ten years and he socked away millions of dollars. Maybe I should get a manager.

Green: Singing in a Karaoke Bar doesn't count.

Season 13[edit]

Tragedy on Rye [13.4][edit]

[having heard of Detective Green's actions against Otum, Van Buren calls him and Briscoe into her office]

Lt. Van Buren: You're on desk.

[Green sighs]

Briscoe: Hey, a week or so tops. It'll all be straightened out.

Lt. Van Buren: Excuse me. Both of you. [to Briscoe] You were the only witness. [to Green] Otum names the city, the department, and you individually in his suit. He claims you profiled him.

Green: Right. He's a drug dealer and a murder!

Lt. Van Buren: And he's black!

Green: Have you looked at me recently?!

Lt. Van Buren: [lifts a finger] He also claims that you never identified yourselves as cops!

Briscoe: Come on! I said police!

Lt. Van Buren: And the icing on the cake is the pounding he took with snapshots to prove it!

[she shows her detectives said snapshots]

[Briscoe and Green enter Borges' apartment]

Green: Ernest Borges?

Borges: I don't like surprises.

Briscoe: Well, you're gonna hate this one.

Green: Get up.

[Borges gets up off his couch; Green slaps the cuffs on him]

Green: Ernest Borges, you're under arrest for, among other things, the murder of Lucy Dolan. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law.

[after Briscoe and Green have arrested Borges for Lucy Dolan's murder]

Southerlyn: Ballistics came back from the gun from Borges' apartment. It's the murder weapon.

McCoy: His lawyer's already itching for a sit-down.

Southerlyn: And we can't find a connection between Borges and Otum, Carton, or Johnson.

Branch: You filed the appropriate papers for their release?

McCoy: In the works. Maynard was so busy slandering Lucy Dolan, he forgot to do his homework.

Branch: Truth is, I always thought either Carton or Johnson would roll on Otum.

Southerlyn: Are you saying that all of this was part of Trial Tricks 102?

Branch: That or a big, juicy mea culpa.

McCoy: All 3 of them should put Serena on their Christmas card lists.

Southerlyn: I just wish that there was a way to prevent all of this from happening again.

Branch: There is. Move to Illinois.

McCoy: I think he's pulling your leg, Serena.

Branch: You know, this whole affair makes you think twice.

McCoy: About the death penalty?

Branch: About where to buy you a steak.

Open Season [13.7][edit]

Melnick: Hello, Jack. Okay, let's talk turkey. What are you up to? And don't give me that party line about Preuss being a threat to society.

McCoy: When you argue, I have this compulsive need to argue back.

[the detectives want Southerlyn to deal with a gang of white supremacists]

Southerlyn: What, you think they'll talk to me?

Green: Blonde hair, blue eyes...Hell, if you're lucky, they'll put you in a poster.

Southerlyn: [sarcastically] Gee, thanks.

[after Melnick has been shot]

Briscoe: Better be careful, Jack. Looks like it's open season on lawyers.

Bitch [13.15][edit]

Clerk: Docket #423763. People vs. Jacqueline Scott. Charge is murder in the first degree.

Judge Goldberg: That's as good as it gets. What's your plea?

Scott: Not guilty, your honor.

Brolin: My client is a valued member of the community. She employs thousands of New Yorkers who depend on her for their salary.

Judge Goldberg: Does she have a cat? I like cats.

Southerlyn: The state asks for remand without bail. Miss Scott's wealth makes her a flight risk.

Brolin: Since when is financial success a criminal offense?

Judge Goldberg: So, let's say we make her that much less offensive. Bail is set at 2,000,000 cash.

Southerlyn: Your honor, this defendant could hop on a private plane as easily as you and I could get on the subway.

Judge Goldberg: But can she get a cab in the rain? I'll take your passport, too, Miss Scott.

Southerlyn: For added assurance, the People also request an electronic ankle bracelet and house arrest.

Judge Goldberg: Don't fret, Miss Scott. Maybe you can cook up some matching accessories. [bangs gavel] Next.

Smoke [13.24][edit]

Clerk: Docket #675834. People v. Montgomery Bender. Charge is sexual abuse in the first degree.

Judge Torledsky: Shame on you.

Granick: The charges aren't just speculative, your honor. They're outlandish. Mr. Bender happens to be...

Judge Torledsky: I know exactly who he is.

Granick: Then you'll know he's a target for any nut job who wants to put a couple of bucks in his pockets.

Judge Torledsky: Can I take that as a "not guilty"?

Monty: That's correct, Judge.

Southerlyn: The People request remand, your honor.

Granick: That's a little harsh, don't you think? Considering you don't have a complaining witness?

Southerlyn: The nut job in this case was 11 years old at the time of the illegal act. It's understandable that he's a little hesitant.

Granick: Because nothing happened.

Judge Torledsky: Bail is set at $1,000,000, and you'll be happy to know, Mr. Bender, that 10 of those dollars are mine. More, if you get a piece of the popcorn. Next!

Season 14[edit]

Payback [14.12][edit]

Briscoe: You're in luck. It's opera week at Rikers.

C.O.D. [14.24][edit]

[a parcel deliveryman has been murdered moments after completing a delivery]

Briscoe: When you absolutely, positively have to kill somebody overnight.

Briscoe: [final line before leaving the series] It's nice to go out on a win.

Season 15[edit]

Paradigm (15.01)[edit]

Southerlyn: We could've just ducked the whole issue instead of trying to set policy.

Branch: And I can't believe I have pusillanimous pussyfooters on my own staff.

McCoy: I don't think Spiro Agnew is the person to be quoting here, Arthur.

Branch: If the shoe fits.

Ain't No Love [15.13][edit]

Branch: You know, Serena, if you were right, you were right for the wrong reasons.

Southerlyn: Meaning?

Branch: Emotions, not facts. What was it you said, everyone you talked to said they couldn't have killed that man?

Southerlyn: My emotional responses make me...

Branch: ...an advocate. You're a superb attorney; you ought to be involved in cases that feed your passion.

Southerlyn: Well, that would be wonderful.

Branch: Serena, you must know, that will not happen in this office. It can't. Now, a prosecutor can be zealous, but not passionate. Advocacy is warm-blooded, enforcement's got to be cold-blooded, and blind, and even angry.

Southerlyn: Does Jack feel as strongly about this as you do?

Branch: No, but it's my office and my decision, and he accepts it.

Southerlyn: A decision? You've already made a decision?

Branch: Yes. I have. You're fired.

Southerlyn: Is this because I'm a lesbian?

Branch: No. Of course not. No.

Southerlyn: Good. Good.

Tombstone [15.20][edit]

[Fontana and Green try to convince Ron Drexler to give them a DNA sample]

Drexler: Is that a threat?

Det. Fontana: A threat? No. A threat would be more like... 'If you stonewall this investigation any more I'm gonna break your jaw. And when you're on the ground, I'm gonna kick you 'till you spit blood you cheap shyster.' That would be a threat. This is more of a request.

[about Nathan Fogg]

Borgia: So mostly he was a good guy?

Lawyer: Sure, if you like hypocritical, narcissistic, cold-hearted frauds.

[about Det. Green's shooting]

McCoy: I'm sorry about your partner.

Fontana: Thanks.

McCoy: Are you alright?

Fontana: I'm thinking...just...thinking.

[Jack meets with the defense lawyer after Green has been shot and the main witness killed]

McCoy: Forgive me, Rosalie, if I'm not in a very generous mood.

Rosalie: What do you mean?

McCoy: Peluso's body is still warm, Detective Green is fighting for his life. And you called me in to make a deal.

Helton: Jack, the case goes forward today and I'm afraid the prosecution doesn't have a chance without Peluso. I'm willing to take man one with a possibility for parole.

McCoy:[angrily] I'm not having this conversation.

Helton: I'm just trying-

McCoy:[raises voice] I'm not having this conversation!

[Main cast wait outside Green's hospital room. McCoy talks to Van Buren, then addresses Fontana, who is slouched in chair.]

McCoy: How are you doing?

Fontana: Still thinking. [There is a pause]

McCoy: [Helplessly] Is there anything I can do?

[Walks up to McCoy.]

Fontana: You work your side of the fence, McCoy. I'll work mine.

Publish and Perish [15.21][edit]

[Det. Fontana and temporary partner Det. Falco investigate the murder of a porn star, followed by the death of her killer.]

[The detectives discuss Samantha Savage's body.]

Det. Fontana: Samantha Savage? The porn star?

Det. Falco: Kind of hard to tell with her clothes on.

Fontana: First stage of grieving: the media interview.

[Helen DeVries, an editor, talks to a subordinate ]

DeVries: You've got to stop thinking here [points her head] and start thinking here [points to her abdomen]

[EADA Jack McCoy informs Ms. DeVries she may serve a life sentence for killing Samantha Savage.]

DeVries: Life? Are you retarded?

Locomotion [15.24][edit]

[Someone leaves an SUV on the railroad tracks seconds before the train comes, leading to the death of twelve people and the injury of hundreds. The possible causes range from terrorism to murder to a failed suicide.]

[Interrogating a suspect]

Det. Fontana: It's called motive. M-O-T-I-V-E. MOTIVE.

[speaking emotionally about the crash to ADA Borgia]

Lt. Van Buren: If this case doesn't help to bring back the death penalty to New York state I don't know what will.

Fallon: Millions spent on prisons and almost nothing for health insurance...

McCoy: I don't make social policy.

Fallon: No. You just have to clean up after those who do.

Season 17[edit]

Corner Office [17.10][edit]

[last lines]

[ADA Rubirosa is upset with EADA McCoy over McCoy's methods to convict a female CEO for second-degree murder]

McCoy: [to Rubirosa] Night.

[After receiving no response, McCoy walks over to Rubirosa]

McCoy: Ask me how I sleep at night.

Rubirosa: [stops packing her briefcase and looks at McCoy] How do you sleep at night?

McCoy: [pause] Like a baby.

[McCoy leaves]

The Family Hour [17.22][edit]

McCoy: I'm no politician, Arthur.

Branch: Yeah, thats what everyone says.

Rubirosa: [her closing argument] There is nothing imagined about the wrongs of Trina's childhood. Whatever she was in her adult life, she learned from a master. Randall Bailey had a pathological need to abuse his daughter. A need that he finally took to its logical, deadly conclusion. And thanks to a tricked-up claim of self-defense that has been a staple of crime fiction for decades, he thinks he can get away with it. But consider this. 6-foot, 180 pounds vs. 5' 5", 110 pounds. Consider 13 deep, devastating stab wounds vs. 8 pin pricks. Consider what it took to drive this knife through meat and bone into the body of his own daughter. [stabs a book with Senator Bailey's knife repeatedly] Not once. Not twice. But 13 times! This was not paternal love, or instinct! No! It was murderous rage! [stabs once more]

Senator Bailey: [after his conviction] You're a hack, Dilwynn! You're a pinheaded idiot! I'm gonna make it my business to see you thrown off the bench!

Season 18[edit]

Called Home [18.01][edit]

[Detective Lupo returns from abroad when his brother dies under mysterious circumstances.]

Det. Cormack: Hey, there was another hooker rip-off two weeks ago at the McGarrick on 12th. It's almost enough to make a man swear off infidelity.

Green: [to Lupo] Look, man. Don't think I don't know what's going through your head. But you can forget about working on this case, okay?

Rodgers: Serial suicide artist.

Green: Try not to look so excited.

Misbegotten [18.03][edit]

[Detective Lupo has obtained evidence in a way that might be unconstitutional]

Lt. Van Buren: Tell me you were tying your shoe when he did that.

Det. Green: I was tying my shoe when he did that.

[A doctor involved in the case was investigating a genetic marker for homosexuality]

McCoy: I hear Pandora's box creaking open

McCoy: That's one area where science has been no help- how to keep decent people from making lousy decisions.

Political Animal [18.06][edit]

Vargas: I used to think law was exciting, but politics, campaigning... it's like holding the beating heart of America in your hand.

[Green and Lupo stare]

Vargas: [Grins sheepishly] That must sound pretty terrible.

[ D.A McCoy convinced politician Melanie Carver to wear a wire to gather evidence on her former aide. He later talks to her privately about some things Vargas said during the trial. ]

McCoy: Victor said something about more of the tape. But there was no more on the tape. Did you stop recording?

Carver:[chuckles quietly] Primary's on Tuesday. Don't forget to vote.

[Screen fades to black. End of episode.]

Tango [18.10][edit]

Rubirosa: [about one of their witnesses] Timmy came off as an opportunistic, criminal piece of crap.

Cutter: He is an opportunistic, criminal piece of crap.

Betrayal [18.11][edit]

[A woman's alibi witness is her 12 year old daughter, who suddenly changes her story]

Cutter: [to McCoy] I'm going to do something about her alibi witness. You don't want to know.

[Detective Lupo is unhappy with Cutter for browbeating a young witness into testifying against her mother.]

Lupo: Is this some sort of sport to you?

Cutter: [pauses] Stick with your law books, detective. On the page, the law is a much purer thing.

McCoy: [to Dr. Elizabeth Olivet] You're working for the other side now. The gloves will have to come off.

Cutter: 'People v. Fisher.' He smashed his fiance's head in with a hammer. A dozen people saw him do it, he was covered in blood, brain matter... he was acquitted. It wasn't my first case, or my tenth. It happened four years ago. There is no such thing as a slam dunk.

[McCoy gave Cutter information about Olivet that he used to try to discredit her during the trial]:

Dr. Olivet: Not your finest moment, Jack.

McCoy: Nor yours.

Waxman: I am a rock in a sea of chaos I will not be bullied or broken.. I'm a rock in a sea of chaos...

Excalibur [18.18][edit]

[D.A. McCoy needs to call the state governor as a witness in a case that is likely to destroy the governor's political career]

Governor Shalvoy: Jack, we need to talk. I just got served a subpoena signed by Michael Cutter.

McCoy: I know, I told him to do it.

Gov. Shalvoy: You told him?! What the hell were you doing?!

McCoy: Helping to convict a murderer. You have maybe ten days before this goes public. Now go home to your family, to -

Gov. Shalvoy: My family is none of your business! My personal life is not anybody's business! You worry, Jack. You worry how you're going to get elected without me. It's thanks to me that you have this job in the first place. Nobody wanted you!

McCoy: I'd rather be an unemployed lawyer than a well-fed pet.

Gov. Shalvoy: [angry] You're a fool. I had high hopes for you.

McCoy: I had high hopes for you! How could you do this?! To the people who work for you, the people who elected you?! How could you be so reckless with their trust? [hoarse, emotional] I respected you, Donald... respected you.

Season 19[edit]

Rumble [19.01][edit]

[A video found online has been uploaded anonymously, and thus is inadmissable]

Cutter: Did you show me this video just to annoy me? This is our best evidence!

Exchange [19.20][edit]

Bernard: Do you think New York City would hire a mentally ill woman?

Lupo: It would explain a few things about the tax code.

Season 20[edit]

Rubber Room [20.19][edit]

[McCoy tries to persuade a reluctant witness to tell the police about a former teacher who is planning to shoot up a school]

McCoy: Ms. Scott, I'm Jack McCoy, the District Attorney. We need you to talk to us.

Kralik: I know you know what a subpeona is.

McCoy: Just how far up your ass is your head? A member of your union is threatening to shoot up a school!

Kralik: [sarcastically] Really? I find it hard to believe that any teacher could be pushed over the edge. What do you think did it, Mr. McCoy? Was it being micro-managed by the Department of Education, or having all of the responsibility and none of the authority? Or is it having to dig into their own pockets to pay for classroom supplies? Or maybe it's being abused and assaulted daily by students and their parents!

McCoy: You get no argument from me there. But if your obstruction allows a massacre to happen, I will crucify you, Mr. Kralik. I will charge you with negligent homicide, and after you're convicted, I'll resign my job and represent the victims in a wrongful death suit against you and the union. By the time I'm done, you'll be finished. So my advice to you is GET OUTTA MY WAY!!

Briscoe's Best[edit]

I specifically asked for him to be put on suicide watch. Apparently, here at Riker's that means that they watch you commit suicide.
New Hampshire. I spent a year there one weekend.
It's like I always say: parking in this city will kill ya. (after finding a body in a parking lot)
I'm trying to decide what to arrest you for: obstruction of justice, harboring a fugitive or just being a general pain in the ass!
[holding handcuffs and talking to someone accused of stealing a telescope and murder] You've heard of the Seven Rings of Saturn? These are the Two Rings of Riker's.
There's no such thing as hooker-client confidentiality.
(To the deceased's wife) Your husband had sexual narcolepsy. He kept falling into bed.
(Spotting a man in a full leg cast) Oh look, John. It's the latest thing in menswear.
If I was kidding I'd be wearing a Fez and no pants.
(Responding to Purgatorio of Dante Alighieri's Divine Comedy) Isn't that a strip club?
[After being asked by a suspect what the charge against him was] There's no charge; this one's on us!
She shopped 'til she dropped
Bob? What is that, like Cher?

External links[edit]

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Law & Order

Contents

Opening[edit]

Season 1[edit]

Prescription for Death [1.1][edit]

Subterranean Homeboy Blues [1.2][edit]

The Reaper's Helper [1.3][edit]

Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die [1.4][edit]

Happily Ever After [1.5][edit]

Everybody's Favorite Bagman [1.6][edit]

By Hooker, By Crook [1.7][edit]

Poison Ivy [1.8][edit]

Indifference [1.9][edit]

Prisoner of Love [1.10][edit]

Out of the Half-Light [1.11][edit]

Life Choice [1.12][edit]

A Death in the Family [1.13][edit]

The Violence of Summer [1.14][edit]

The Torrents of Greed (1) [1.15][edit]

The Torrents of Greed (2) [1.16][edit]

Mushrooms [1.17][edit]

The Secret Sharers [1.18][edit]

The Serpent's Tooth [1.19][edit]

The Troubles [1.20][edit]

Sonata For a Solo Organ [1.21][edit]

The Blue Wall [1.22][edit]

Season 2[edit]

Confession [2.1][edit]

The Wages of Love [2.2][edit]

Asylum [2.4][edit]

God Bless the Child [2.5][edit]

Misconception [2.6][edit]

Out of Control [2.08][edit]

Heaven [2.10][edit]

His Hour Upon the Stage [2.11][edit]

Star Struck [2.12][edit]

Severance [2.13][edit]

Vengeance [2.16][edit]

Season 3[edit]

Skin Deep [3.1][edit]

Conspiracy [3.2][edit]

Forgiveness [3.3][edit]

The Corporate Veil[edit]

Prince of Darkness [3.8][edit]

Point of View [3.9][edit]

Consultation [3.10][edit]

Right to Counsel [3.12][edit]

Conduct Unbecoming [3.17][edit]

Manhood [3.21][edit]

Season 4[edit]

Sweeps [4.1][edit]

Discord [4.3][edit]

Profile [4.4][edit]

Black Tie [4.5][edit]

Apocrypha [4.7][edit]

The Pursuit of Happiness [4.10][edit]

Nurture [4.20][edit]

Old Friends [4.22][edit]

Season 5[edit]

Second Opinion [5.1][edit]

Coma [5.2][edit]

Blue Bamboo [5.3][edit]

Competence [5.6][edit]

Guardian [5.11][edit]

Progeny [5.12][edit]

Rage [5.13][edit]

Performance [5.14][edit]

Seed [5.15][edit]

Wannabe [5.16][edit]

Act of God [5.17][edit]

Privileged [5.18][edit]

Bad Faith [5.20][edit]

Pride [5.23][edit]

Season 6[edit]

Bitter Fruit [6.1][edit]

Jeopardy [6.4][edit]

Humiliation [6.7][edit]

Angel [6.8][edit]

Aftershock [6.23][edit]

Season 7[edit]