Least I Could Do
Least I Could Do is a webcomic created by Ryan Sohmer and Lar deSouza. Although Lar deSouza is the current artist, the comic was previously drawn by Chad W.M. Porter, for two years, and before that, Trevor Adams. It is updated every day of the week except for Sunday, on which their spin-off comic Least I could Do Beginnings is shown .
2003
[edit]- Rayne: It has nothing to do with you. It's me...I don't like you!
- Mick: The girl by the bar thinks you're cute.
- John: NO!
- Rayne: Can't blame her...
- John: You never, ever compliment him. Ever.
- Rayne: I've got a Noah Wyle thing going on...
- John: He tends to go on these ego benders.
- Rayne: ...and I have been working out...I AM THE POWERFUL OZ!
- John: Every single time.
- Rayne: You guys remember when I used to say that if I ever got sent to prison I'd find the biggest, meanest inmate I could and submit myself to him for protection? Meet Wayne.
- Rayne: It started so well, that late winter's night
- Quite hot she looked, I must say at first sight
- Her shirt she took off, with naught even a care
- And that's when I saw, this girl was covered with hair
- And so I said unto her, while I do crave some nookie
- I'll be damned my dear, if I sleep with a wookie.
- Rayne: You spoke with your friends, and their words were not kind
- They said that to date me, you'd be out of your mind
- So they warn and complain, and they yell stay away
- For that mr. Rayne Summers, will take no time to stray
- But there's a secret they're not telling, in the midst of their lynches
- The Rumors are true, I weigh in at 18 inches.
- Rayne: You know how they say that when a woman is pregnant, she's glowing and beautiful?
- John: Yeah?
- Rayne: They're just fat.
- John: I'm glad your genetic code will die with you.
- Rayne: I want an anime type hairstyle. I think it'd score points with Cyndi's parents.
2004
[edit]- John: I'm in a schoolgirl outfit being ridden by a donkey.
- Rayne: I'm a bounty hunter.
- Issa: It's kind of like a ferret makes your decisions for you.
- Rayne: Vodka and CNN: A winning combination.
- John: Is "sadlypathetic" a word?
- Rayne: Nothing much, was just ravaged from behind by a gay doctor.
- Rayne: Since you've been dating Beth, you're a tool. And not even one of those useful ones. You're like a hammer. A hammer without the hammery part. You're a stick.
- Rayne: Somewhere out there, there's a mother balloon mourning the death of her baby.
- Rayne: She's not shy about, so everyone can see
- But what's really disturing, is that she's been with 10 times more people than me
- A decision must be made, about just what I should do
- Do I sleep with this girl, or find someone new?
- One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, more,
- Meh, I'm already wasted, might as well sleep with the whore.
- Psych Ward Woman: Where are you going?
- Rayne: I'm done. You were great.
- Psych Ward Woman: What about me?
- Rayne: What about you?
- Psych Ward Woman: Don't you even care about my sexual satisfaction?
- Rayne: I'm not going to even dignify that with a response.
- Rayne: You finish that sentence and after I kill you, I'll do the 25 years to life with a smile on my face and no regrets.
- Rayne: Best friends come and go, but sex...sex is forever.
2005
[edit]- Rayne: Ladies you might think, that men don't care
- But I can tell with honesty, that we are incredibly aware
- The things that we do, we don't allways choose
- But that's the way of the world, always paying our does
- I know it's not pleasant, but I beg you to follow,
- The simple request, if you give head please swallow.
- Mick: His Holiness would like an extra tiny steak with his dinner.
- Rayne: All I'm saying is that if there is such a thing as "immaculate conception," then by reasoning, there must be a way to have "immaculate sex."
- John: Naw, I'm done with Lucas. I have no urge to sit through three hours of Anakin turn into Darth Vader because he misses his mommy.
- Rayne: My penis is all dressed up with nowhere to go.
- Eric: Excuse me, is this the residence of Rayne Summers, 'no' M.D.?
- Marcy: Wow. You're twice the size of Trump.
- John: Are you going to tell her how you recycled the recycling bin because you couldn't resist the irony?
- Noel: I'm going to go on the record and say that any substance abuse problem that creates women like that is okay by me.
- Harry: If you were ever curious about the protection your mattress pad really gives, let me assure you it took three of my homeless friends several minutes of soiling to get through it.
2006
[edit]- Little Vader: You're more of a girl than Luke, and he was all like, "No Dad, I don't want to rule the galaxy like father and son because I'm Yoda's bitch." That's really what he said by the way. In those words.
- Rayne: There are thing people are ready for, and some things they are not
- Some things that they plan for, and one I dread a lot
- It is only for pleasure, what comes out of my penis
- I say it is only for pleasure, and not to create a fetus
- I tell you now, that whether you do so for revenge, or even for money
- Poking holes in your friends condoms simply isn't funny.
- Rayne: The Cone of Caring, or COC for short, refers to the immediate area of space directly surrounding me. This area is the one and only I concern myself with. Anything outside of it, I don't care. It's like it doesn't exist.
- Noel: He would've sold his roommate into slavery to do the thing you traded your friend for.
- Noel: Hey, can you even drive stick?
- Rayne: Of course. Wait. Was that euphemism for masturbation?
- Noel: No.
- Rayne: Then no, I can't. Sounds sexual, though.
- Noel: Maybe so, but it's not.
- Rayne: What about a "donkey punch"? That's still dirty, right?
- Noel: Yes.
- Rayne: This has been a wonderful learning experience. Thank you.
- Noel: Anytime.
- Issa: Gross and stupid. You've got it all.
- Rayne: I have never, ever been happier to be humped at high velocity by a large man. Well, maybe once, but prison changes a man. You know how it is. Of course you do.
- Rayne: You know the expression, "When in doubt, whip it out"?
- Noel: Isn't that on your answering machine?
- Rayne: Yeah. Anyhow, I've been trying to come up the female equivalent of the saying.
- Noel: What've you got so far.
- Rayne: "When you're nervous, show your cervix."
- Noel: You should keep working on it.
- Rayne: This could be my Mona Lisa.
- Rayne: You know the old expression: "When life gives you a T-Rex, go ninja kick it in the head."
2007
[edit]- Rayne: If there's one thing I know, it's everything.
- Rayne: I'm gonna tell Jesus on you.
- Rayne: If this entire office was a ship, and I was a pirate, you'd all be pillaged by now.
- Noel: Thank you, Roofie Colada!
- John: Did you just use urethra in a sentence?
2008
[edit]- Rayne: Webcomics suck.
- Mick: I don't know if I should rent a porno or get a calculator.
- Rayne: You'll be singing a different tune when you wake up to the sweet smell of turkey jerky.
- Child Rayne: I pledge allegiance to the flag of Narnia, and to the monarchy for which it stands: one kingdom under Aslan, indivisible, with hot chocolate and Turkish Delight for all. May the White Witch tremble in fear of our might!
- Mick: You use two hands to masturbate?
- Rayne: You don't need to use two hand for making the cobra spit? How else would you cover most of your entire penis?
