Life on a Stick

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Life On A Stick is a short lived FOX sitcom created by Victor Fresco that premiered on March 24, 2005. Although it followed American Idol, it did not sustain high enough ratings to continue to air, and it was canceled after only 5 episodes. All 13 episodes available in syndication.

Season 1

Laz: Does Mr. Hutt's constant rage remind you of anyone? Remember, from the fifth grade?
Fred: Hitler?
Laz: My dad and Step Mom decided that since i'm turning nineteen and they love me, they're throwing me out on the street like garbage.

Jasper: You know I could learn a lot more from a person like you than I ever could eating this book?

Laz: I’d deep fry the organ I hold most dear to please her. Although, thankfully, I don’t see how it would.

Liking Things the Way They Aren't

Laz: Dad, Michelle, you’re home! We were just…playing Bible Charades! Who am I, here’s a hint: I’m fighting a giant!
Rick: That’s beautiful; I mean who thinks that fast?
Rick: You’re not a government Laz, you have responsibilities.

Fred: Hey Venus, do guys ever get French tips?
Venus: Depends, do you ever perform in ladies clothing?

Lily: That was really sweet; I’ve always wondered what my name would sound like screamed as an evil chant.

Fish Song

Molly: I hope you’re proud of yourself Mom, skating by on your looks and your bling. [In a mocking voice] I’m perfect, I’m beautiful, I don’t need to obey the law! Well why don’t I just get highlights and a boob job and drive 80 down the sidewalk?!
Laz: Hey, if it’s true it takes more muscles to frown than smile, then my step-sister has a very strong mouth.

Michelle: I know you hate it when I shop for you, but there’s this new thing called a skirt, and this one will look great with your boy! There’s a boy! Hello boy!

Mr. Hutt: [singing] Weiner, wieners, wieners some are thick and some are thin. Wieners, wieners, wieners, our juices on your chin!
Laz: Mr. Hutt, if we sing that, the police will come.

The Defiant Ones

Laz: I don’t want to overstate my role, but without me, Molly would be in jail and we’d all be dead.

Laz: You got Herr Schmidt? He’s the worst. I used to answer his questions in Cling-On, the only language angrier than German.

Jasper: I was playing around with vocab words we learned yesterday, and I think I can say, My beautiful tomato goes swimming at the library.

Gangs of the Mall

Fred: Last time we went to the party store and tried to hit a piñata. We learned a valuable lesson about giving bats to four guys who can’t see…don’t!

Molly: Call me old fashioned, but I don’t want the first person to touch my breasts to be holding a knife.


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