Liv and Maddie

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Liv and Maddie is an American teen sitcom created by John Beck and Ron Hart and produced by It's a Laugh Productions for Disney Channel.

Season 1[edit]

Episode 1.Twin-A-Rooney ©2013[edit]

Maddie: Mom, snack update. Where's Liv's favorite dip?
Joey: You mean this dip? [Joey and Parker are eating the dip]
Maddie: You two are eating the dip?! This is Wisconsin, you can't welcome people home without dip! You two are officially banned from the welcome home zone!


Pete: Parker, what do you want in your lunch? Apple or banana?
Parker: Keep going until you get to cupcake!


Karen: You know, this is ridiculous. You shouldn't have to stand to eat your breakfast. Joey, get her a seat.
Joey: [walks and picks up trashcan for Liv] Welcome home, Hollywood.


Maddie: [confessional] Basketball is my life! And being named captain of the team was huge for me! And I might have played it cool in front of the girls on the team but I also may have gone home and squealed in my closet. Eeep!


Liv: [confessional] While I was away, Maddie got to be really good friends with her basketball teammates. Sweet girls, but they're all kind of like the before in a makeover show. What? It means they have potential!


Principal: Okay make way people, I have to get to the yearbook folks and tell them I'm just gonna print last year's edition again. Sorry ninth graders, you lose.
Joey: [laughs] Wait, I'm a ninth grader. That was the best yearbook picture I ever taken, wait, please stop, no!


Maddie: You wanna play?
LIV: Sure, yeah. Um, do I require a helmet?
Maddie: Yeah, this game actually gets really intense. Mom banned us from playing in the living room because one time, Parker rolled a ten and on his ninth cartwheel knocked over Great-Gran's urn.
Parker: But her memory still lives on. In the dirt-vac.
Liv: [confessional] Huh, so I missed out on getting to know Parker and I think I might have missed a funeral. Ahaha, I thought Great-Gran was still with us. Oops.


LIV: OK, I know we weren't all fans of Duck Duck Dinosaur, but there is something waiting for you outside that is going to blow your ten year old minds!
Evan: I'm nine.


Willow: Madison!
Maddie: [sighs] Fine!

Season 1[edit]

[Maddie took the blame for a false shoplifting accusation against Liv]

Maddie: Because... Ugh! If I hadn't, the security guard would've caught you, and it would've been all over the news quicker than that picture of a ducking cuddling a kitten.
Liv: Aw, man. Did you see that though?

[Maddie giggles]

Liv: It was the cutest thing I've ever seen.
Maddie: Quack, quack, quack.
Liv: Mew, mew, mew.
Maddie: Quack, quack, quack.
Liv: Mew, mew, mew, mew, mew, mew.
Maddie: But that's NOT what we're talking about!


[Liv dresses up for a date with her boyfriend]

Liv: Okay, what do you guys think? Is Miller gonna like this? Does this outfit say, "Fantasta-licious" with a touch of "Bling-a-ding-ding"?
Maddie: I stopped having an opinion like 12 "Bling-a-ding-dings" ago.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________ [Liv is distraught and angry over her boyfriend's text breakup]

Liv: He used ocean body spray. [sighs] He always smelled like the beach. I love the beach. [sudden rage] He ruined THE BEACH!

______________________________________________________________________________________________________ [Liv dramatically describes one of her movies]

Liv: WE OPEN! on a deserted bank. A grungy street kid zooms by on a skateboard. She's pretty, but doesn't know it.
Maddie: Oh, I'm pretty sure she knows it.

Episode 11.Switch-A-Rooney ©2014[edit]

[Liv is being sought for an unlikely movie role]

Liv: The people making the movie saw my episode of Sing It Loud! where I dreamt I was on an international space station, and I saved the earth by singing the high note that shattered the asteroid before it hit earth. [sings a high note, and imitates an explosion]
Parker: I love that episode.
Karen: Really? Because I had some logic problems with it... oh, but you sparkled, honey.

Episode 12.Dump-A-Rooney ©2014[edit]

[Maddie and Pete get ready to play basketball and Pete comes out wearing short-shorts]

Parker: What are THOSE?!
Maddie: Those are short-shorts. It was a....dark time in fashion history before you were born.
Parker: [blows whistle] Traveling!
Pete: Traveling?
Parker: Yeah those tiny shorts are traveling right up your butt.
Maddie: I just don't think it's going to work out.
Pete: But we were so good together, you and me.
Maddie: But there's someone else.
Maddie: Diggie!
Diggie: 'Sup Rooney?
Pete: Are we supposed to hug now?
Maddie: I'd rather go play basketball.

Episode 14.Slump-A-Rooney ©2014[edit]

Karen: Hey, what did I say about running in the house?
Evan: [rudely] What did I say about talking back, woman?

Episode 16.Shoe-A-Rooney ©2014[edit]

Liv: [comes home and sees Maddie wearing her new shoes, then gasps]
Maddie: [laughs nervously] Hey, Liv. What are you doing here?
Liv: I'm here to take you back to the game. But what is all of this?
Maddie: Oh, you were so right, I *LOVE* these shoes! [imitates explosion]
Liv: Oh, yeah, well, we can talk about that later. Just kick those off and we'll get you back to the game.
Maddie: [scoffs] I'm not going back to that game!
Liv: [gasps] Who are you?!
Maddie: [firmly] I am a shoe-loving sparkly girl! Do you wanna play super model with me?
Liv: Of course I do!

Episode 17.Howl-A-Rooney ©2014[edit]

Joey: [confessional] Space Werewolves is the greatest sci-fi graphic novel ever. It is the epic tale of Tristan Lycanth; Half-wolf, half-human, and his battle to save his planet. It is like Star Wars and Lord of the Rings had a baby, and then The Avengers adopted it.

Episode 19.BFF-A-Rooney ©2014[edit]

South Salamanca: [repeated line] You don't even know.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________ [Parker dresses in a suit to impress Liv's former co-star]

Pete Rooney: Looks like somebody has a crush on South.
Parker Rooney: America has a crush on South. I'm the guy who has a shot.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________ [Joey tries to soothe his mother's fears over losing her husband to an old high school flame]

Joey Rooney: One other thing; Dad married *you*.
Karen Rooney: Well he did, didn't he? He could've married Christie Brinkley in there, but instead he chose Carol Burnett.
Joey Rooney: I don't know who either of those two people are, but if it makes you happy, go with it.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________ [after swiping "the key of power" from Joey]

Artie Smalls: Never underestimate a ginger! We have paprika in our blood!

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________ [Parker spots Liv's former co-star flirting with Diggie]

Parker Rooney: Stay away from South. My sister might have a crush on you, but I will CRUSH YOU!

Episode 20.Song-A-Rooney ©2014[edit]

Pete: We met with the music industry's top managers. We all decided to hire Becki Bickelhoff. She represents the biggest names in music today.
Karen: We've never heard of any of them. But to be fair, the last record we bought was... a record.


Becki: I love "Count Me In"!


Parker: Lovie Dovie Lizard; I haven't played with her since I was two, and I forgot she could do this: [pulls the string on the toy]
Lovie Dovie Lizard: If you were Thursday, I'd want every day to be Thursday. [giggles]
Parker: Dad's giving me a dollar for every love note I "write". And this stupid thing says a million stupid things. I'm gonna be stupid rich.

Episode 21.Space Werewolf-A-Rooney ©2014[edit]

[a movie director seeks the Rooney boys' opinion of a scene]

Parker: I think you're ruining the greatest story ever told!
Joey: This is the most action-packed moment in the graphic novel, and you're going to have her skip over a puddle and pose for pictures? This is an abomination!
Parker: I have no idea what that word means, but if it means [blows a raspberry and gives a thumbs down gesture] then I concur!
Liv: [repeated line, as Tristan Lycanth] You mess with the wolf, you get the howl. [howls like a wolf]

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