Liv and Maddie
- Maddie: Mom, snack update. Where's Liv's favorite dip?
- Joey: You mean this dip? [Joey and Parker are eating the dip]
- Maddie: You two are eating the dip?! This is Wisconsin, you can't welcome people home without dip! You two are officially banned from the welcome home zone!
- Joey: Let's put this TV in our room.
- Parker: But Mom and Dad said that we can't have a TV in our room.
- Joey: Mom and Dad who?
- Maddie: I am so glad you're home there is something I have been dying to talk to you about.
- Liv: [gasps] This is about a boy!
- Maddie: How do you know that?
- Liv: When you get nervous you still play with that charm bracelet that I gave you. Anyway, back to the boy. Is he cute?
- Maddie: Are you nosy and sparkly?
- Liv: Ah! Then he is cute!
- Pete: Parker, what do you want in your lunch? Apple or banana?
- Parker: Keep going until you get to cupcake!
- Maddie: [confessional] Basketball is my life and being named captain of the team was huge for me! And I might have played it cool in front of the girls on the team, but I also may have gone home and squealed in my closet. Eee!
- Liv: [confessional] While I was away, Maddie got to be really good friends with her basketball teammates. Sweet girls, but they're all kind of like the before in a makeover show. What? It means they have potential!
- Liv: Ooh, fabosh! We are now officially ready for step two.
- Maddie: Remind me what step two is again.
- Maddie: Yeah, this game actually gets really intense. Mom banned us from playing in the living room because one time, Parker rolled a ten and on his ninth cartwheel knocked over Great-Gran's urn.
- Parker: But her memory still lives on. In the dirt-vac.
- Liv: [confessional] Huh, so I missed out on getting to know Parker and I think I might have missed a funeral. Ahaha, I thought Great-Gran was still with us. Oops.
- Liv: OK, I know we weren't all fans of Duck Duck Dinosaur, but there is something waiting for you outside that is going to blow your ten-year-old minds!
- Evan: I'm nine.
- Willow: Madison!
- Maddie: [sighs] Fine!
- Liv: You look interesting, I'm Liv.
- Kylie: (leaves)
- Liv: But I didn't get your name.
- Maddie: (enters room) Did I just see you talk to Kylie?
- Liv: Oh, that's what her name is.
- Joey: The Z-Phone 620Q. It's ruined.
- Manager: Counter life's not for you. Back to the Muck bucket.
- Joey: Can I still wear the cape?
- Manager: That's a no-no, Jo-Jo.
- Diggie: Sup, Rooney?
- Maddie: Sup, Diggie?
- Diggie: Got your costume ready for Screamfest?
- Maddie: You know I do. I got this really cool knight costume and it is going to melt your face off!
- Diggie: Sweet. Hey I'll go as that too then, maybe we could win the couples' costume contest?
- Maddie: Yeah, okay...
- Diggie: Er, and you know when I mean couple I mean the contest category and... well you get it.
- Diggie: and :Maddie: WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?
- Maddie: Er, I'm a knight. We said we were gonna be knights.
- Diggie: Oh, I thought you meant like 'the night'.
- Maddie: Are you kidding? We're never going to be able to enter the couples' contest now.
- Diggie: No, sure we can. We're a couple of k/nights! Hah.
- Maddie: Yep, that is us. A couple, haha, of k/nights. Hah, if there was one more of us we'd be a few! But there's not because we're a couple of k/nights!
- Maddie: Liv, you do know that being in a skateboarding movie doesn't actually qualify you to judge skateboarders.
- Liv: Well, the good people at Flip Kick magazine think differently.
- Karen: In between seasons of (sings) "Sing It Loud!" (back to normal) Liv starred in a movie called "The Skateboard Bandit."
- Pete: (doing his best Don Lafontaine imitation) A girl. A bag of loot. A skateboard. She'll take your money, and steal your heart.
- Maddie: Hi mom, I had the best day during community center, helping people feels so great.
- Karen: Wow, oh Maddie I feel so glad, would you help me set the table?
- Maddie: Ugh I'm so tired.
- Parker: My scooter broke. It was the weirdest thing, me and Cooper and Isaac and Kolton Jack and Richie and Stevie and Evan were riding on it and it just snapped.
- Artie: I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the deafening sound of my own epicness, BOOM!
- Joey: Hey! That's my line!
- Artie: But, I make it work.
- Maddie: But that's because I was trying to get her to stop being a wack-a-doo! Have you never had to look into the eyes of a wack-a-doo?!?
- Willow: Not until right now!
Sweet 16-a-Rooney [1.9]
- Diggie: Well, I'm in. I want Maddie's sweet 16 to be as amazing as it can be.
- Pete: Careful.
- Diggie: Right, sorry.
- Diggie: Don't worry, birthday girl, your hero's here.
- Maddie: [takes the plug out] Hey, superhero, plug's right here.
- Joey: The only reason I did this Santa Stand was so that I could pay off your Christmas present. [Joey takes out helicopter] I talked Mom out of getting you that helicopter because I already got it for you.
- Parker: I'm sorry, Munch, I had no idea you cared.
- Joey: Me either, I guess it's just the Christmas spirit.
- Joey: Parker, Dad, come quick before it stops!
- Pete: What is it, son?
- Parker: Is it snowing on Christmas?
- Joey: Better!
- Pete: ...I got her those for Christmas.
- Maddie: Sup, Diggie?
- Diggie: Sup, Rooney?
- Maddie: Sup with your hair? You did not get a hair cut just because my dad told you to?
- Diggie: No, not at all... I totally needed a trim - do you think he'll like it?
- Maddie: Diggie, you can't let him push you around like this. I mean, your hair was a hot mess but that's not the point.
- Diggie: I can't help it okay? I want him to like me, he's your dad and you and me are... whatever we are.
- Maddie: Totally, whatever... um. You just need to find something that you and my dad will like and bond over that.
- Diggie: Oh yeah, okay great let's see. He likes growling at me!
- Maddie: Oh, you know what else he likes? Barbecuing.
- Diggie: Grilling sure beats growling. And if he starts to like me I can help you prep for you driver's test.
- Maddie: Aw, that's so sweet.
- Diggie: Here we are: a couple of dudes getting ready to do some chilling and grilling. Are you okay that I just called you a dude?
- Pete: Relax, we're barbecuing. Everybody's a dude.
- Diggie: Okay, let's do this. [Diggie opens the barbecue]
- Pete: Absolutely! [Pete closes the barbecue] First I need you to do a few things.
- Diggie: Hit me, whatever you want. Shoot the corn? Season the meat?
- Pete: Mow the lawn.
- Diggie: Um, what?
- Pete: And clean the gutters, rotate my tires, groat the tub and empty the dishwasher. Dude...
- Diggie: What has that have to do with barbecuing?-
- Pete: I thought you came here to learn?
- Diggie: Let me go get the lawnmower.
- Maddie: I just don't think it's going to work out.
- Pete: But we were so good together, you and me.
- Maddie: But there's someone else
- Parker: (blows whistle) Traveling!
- Pete: Traveling?
- Parker: Yeah those tiny shorts are traveling right up your butt.
- Diggie: You're gonna move away without saying bye?
- Maddie: I was going to but I got really hurt when you blew me off after reading my note.
- Diggie: What note?
- Maddie: The one I wrote on the basketball? Like one does when one is terrified of getting hurt, like one did.
- Diggie: I must have smudged it with my basketball pig sweat. What did it say?
- Maddie: I like you Diggie.
- Diggie: I like you too Maddie (Maddie blushes)
- Diggie: So looks like you're staying. We said some things.
- Maddie: We sure did.
- Diggie: I guess things will be different from now on.
- Maddie: Yeah I guess. So sup?
- Diggie: Stuff.
- Maddie: Bam what? (They smile at each other)
- Maddie: Okay, Willow. Ready? Focus. Fire it at me, right here.
- (Willow throws ball at a pot instead and breaks it by accident)
- Maddie: Perfect if we were playing smash that pot. Willow, you've been in a slump for days.
- Willow: I can't concentrate.
- Karen: Okay so what is going on with you and Joey?
- Willow: Nothing, that's the problem. It's spring time, love is in the air, birds are chirping but all I can think about is why my sweet little Joey bird at me!
- Maddie: Okay, but what does Joey have to do with your pitching?
- Willow: I can't concentrate. When I pitch, I look directly at you but every time I look at you, all I see is Joey.
- Liv: Ooh! A package! Wait, what's in it? A new blouse? A new bag? Underwear that doesn't go up to your waist?
- Karen: It is an antique washboard. Isn't she a beauty?
- Maddie: (confessional) Mom, I can see and hear you.
- Karen: Mhm.
- Liv: [comes home and sees Maddie wearing her new shoes, then gasps]
- Maddie: [laughs nervously] Hey, Liv. What are you doing here?
- Liv: I'm here to take you back to the game. But what is all of this?
- Maddie: Oh, you were so right, I *LOVE* these shoes! [imitates explosion]
- Liv: Oh, yeah, well, we can talk about that later. Just kick those off and we'll get you back to the game.
- Maddie: [scoffs] I'm not going back to that game!
- Liv: [gasps] Who are you?!
- Maddie: [firmly] I am a shoe-loving sparkly girl! Do you wanna play super model with me?
- Liv: Of course I do!
- Joey: [confessional] Space Werewolves is the greatest sci-fi graphic novel ever. It is the epic tale of Tristan Lycanth; Half-wolf, half-human, and his battle to save his planet. It is like Star Wars and Lord of the Rings had a baby, and then The Avengers adopted it.
- Karen: Here is Aunt Dina's number in case you need to get a hold of us in LA. Keep it somewhere safe.
- Pete: Got it. (gives address card to Maddie)
- South: There's my BFFWLIWN!
- Maddie: What?!?
- Liv: and :South: Best Friend Forever Who Lives In Wisconsin Now!
- Diggie: MADDIE ROONEY IS MY GIRLFRIEND!!!!
- Maddie: Tell her to stay away from my friend..... boy?
- Liv: Friendboy?!
- Pete: We met with the music industry's top managers. We all decided to hire Becki Bickelhoff. She represents the biggest names in music today.
- Karen: We've never heard of any of them. But to be fair, the last record we bought was... a record.
- Maddie: It's just that, you've been working so much, and I'm going to be leaving for the Junior Olympics basketball soon.
- Diggie: Don't remind me. I already miss you.
- Stains: Aww. Love. BLEAGH!
- Vic: Well, it's nice to have fans on the set. So what do you think of the scene, boys?
- Parker: I think you're ruining the greatest story ever told!
- Joey: This is the most action-packed moment in the graphic novel, and you're going to have her skip over a puddle and pose for pictures? This is an abomination!
- Parker: I have no idea what that word means, but if it means... (blows a raspberry and gives a thumbs down gesture) then I concur!
- Liv: [confessional] What did I just say? All my own stunts? The most dangerous thing I've ever had to do on [singing] Sing It Loud [back to normal] was sing loud!
- Maddie: I'm a jock. (chuckles), and I thought I was invincible. But I guess I'm not. And that's scary.
- Liv: [repeated line, as Tristan Lycanth] You mess with the wolf, you get the howl. [howls like a wolf]
- Maddie: Ohh, that stupid amulet made us triplets!! It's supposed to be Liv and Maddie! Not Liv and Maddie and...Helga!!
Kathy Kan-A-Rooney [2.4]
- Kathy Kan: Who can? Kathy Kan can!
- Liv: Who lives? Livy Liv lives.
- Kathy Kan: Okay, I'm totally in this moment, but how does your makeup look so perfect after falling through the ceiling?
- Liv: [giggles] Oh, Kathy... there are just some secrets that even friends don't share.
- Liv: Well, then maybe we can just be real-girl normal together.
- Kathy Kan: Do you know how to do that?
- Liv : No, I have no idea. Oh, but you know what? We can ask Maddie.
- Kathy Kan: Okay.
- Liv: Yeah.
- Maddie: [pounds on door] [shouts] Joey, get back out here right now and give me a rematch before I rip your eyebrows off and feed them to you!
- Liv: Yeah, so maybe we won't ask Maddie.
- Kathy Kan: Okay!
- Joey: (to Emily, while in the prank-proof box) Please. You didn't really want to go to the dance with me, and this was all an elaborate ruse to prank me. Well, the ruse is on yous. (looks puzzled, but then shrugs and nods)
- Emily: Who's trying to prank you?
- Joey: You, and the rest of the snooty, yet beautiful people who think you own the school. Well, let me tell you something, Emily. You may be cute, popular and on the honor roll, but I have seen your cartwheels, and they are inconsistent at best! (Emily gasps)
- Liv: Bam-
- Maddie: Ah, that is still mine!
- Becki: What?! But I told the producers that I've seen your Trophies and how you lead your team to the state Fi- it was the other twin, wasn't it?
New Year's Eve-A-Rooney [2.7]
While Liv co-hosts and performs at a party, Maddie learns of a secret that causes her to question her relationship with Diggie.
Joey and Parker's room is so filthy even they can't stand it and they want the girls to clean it. Liv and Maddie lose a bet and are forced to spend the night in the room.
Maddie is devastated when she loses her twin charm bracelet that Liv had given her but when Liv makes her feel guilty, Maddie decides to teach her a lesson. Meanwhile, Joey's feelings are hurt when Parker gets a new cool older brother.
The boys invent a rating system for how attractive girls are, and Liv writes a song to show that real beauty comes from within.
In order to get out of a mother/son pageant, Parker intentionally gets up to mischief to get detention. Meanwhile, Pete plays nurse when Liv and Maddie get sick at the same time.
Maddie prepares for her game but is nervous about her knee. Liv films a sequel to a commercial she was in when she was six years old.
Willow gets a scholarship Maddie wanted, and they fight. Joey accidentally breaks Liv's toe and tries to make things better, but ends up making it even worse...
Joey is invited to perform stand-up comedy at a local restaurant; Parker is unsure if he asked a classmate to be his partner in a science competition or his date to a school dance.