LoadingReadyRun is a Canadian sketch comedy website based in Victoria, British Columbia founded by Graham Stark and Paul Saunders.
The Worst Homosexual
- Paul: Well, we've got Kathleen representing women. We've got Bill representing the vertically obese. We've got anybody standing next to Bill representing the vertically challenged. There's Matt for the MMO community. We have Gibb for the synthetic community. But we don't have anybody for the homosexual community.
- Morgan: Hey, while everyone's so jubilant, I think now is the perfect time to tell you guys that I um...I'm gay. Yeah.
- James: You're gay!?
- Morgan: That's what I said, yes.
- Graham: This coming from the man who was with, not one, but two women last night?
- Morgan: Yeah. It makes perfect sense! I mean, the constant womanizing, the helpless attraction to the fairer sex. The only way I could be this much of a mad pimpin' playa is if I was covering for something.
- Graham: So...you're gay because...you're too good at being straight?
- Morgan: Precisely.
- Graham: That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Morgan and James are playing video games. Graham has a PS2 controller, James has a Guitar Hero controller.
- Graham: Man, Guitar Hero is so hard with this controller.
- James: Yeah, but I'm kicking your ass in Soul Calibur!
- James: [to Morgan] Hey buddy. You get your man-lovins last night?
- Graham: You seemed way too eager to say that.
- James: I like the term.
- Morgan: You know, to tell you the truth I didn't even make it to the bar.
- Graham: How did you manage that?
- Morgan: Well, I was going across the parking lot and tripped and fell into the vagina of a nubile supermodel.
- James: Man-lovins! It just sounds so nice and homey.
- Graham: [to Morgan] Sorry, you FELL into...?
- Morgan: Well I mean, not literally, but close to it.
- James: Like muffins and lentils. Those are good words, too. Muffins and lentils combined in an erotic dance. Forbidden from the kitchens of conformist society as if lentil muffins were somehow an affront to God, regardless of the inherent beauty of their relationship. Man-lovin lentil-muffins, oh yeah!
- Paul: So what do we have to work with?
- Graham: Um...oh! We have a pot lid.
- Paul: A pot lid?
- Graham: Yeah...
- Paul: We could just...
- Graham: This reminds me of something...
- Morgan: Okay, but seriously, where did you get the Timbits from?
- Bill: You know, I've been meaning to tell you--Wait! What the hell is that?
- PC Guy: Hi. I'm a PC. Have any of you guys seen a Mac around here anywhere?
- Bill: Get him! Get him! [throws Timbits at PC Guy]
- PC Guy: Ow. Um, excuse me. Now listen! I don't mean to be rude, but I am very good at World of Warcraft and my Intrepid Battle-Axe of the Boar did just drop today.
- Bill: [throws another Timbit]
- PC Guy: [raises battle-axe and runs towards Morgan and Bill] AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!! [Bill and Morgan run] FOR THE HORDE!
Fun With Condoms
- Alex: We're going to come up with as many things to do with these as we can.
- Kathleen: Aside from the obvious.
- Graham: So I'm thinking, uh...boxing gloves!
- Alex: Bondage on a budget. Because sex is spontaneous, you don't always have time to go down to the whip and chain shop. Turn around. You've been a bad Bill! Bad Bill!
- Bill: It's a garrotte! Ingenious, Alex.
- Alex: 30 seconds unconsious, 60 seconds dead!
- Paul: I have one in the living room, one in my bedroom and one in the bathroom. Why? Because I have three PS3's.
- Paul: So what do I do first? Do I play video games? Do I watch a blu-ray DVD? Do I download content from the online marketplace? The answer is, of course, yes. Because I have three PS3's.
- Paul: I only have two nipples, but I have three PS3's. [Paul rubs his nipples]
- Paul: Let me put it like this; imagine you have one cake and I have three cakes. This is like that except you have no cakes and I have three PS3's. Also, I have this cake.
The Whatever Thing
- Morgan: Thanks go to Matt for the beer, by the way.
- Graham: Way to leave it at our house, jackass!
- Morgan: Real men use real seasoning. Basil! Paprika! Cayenne! Thyme! Oregano! Rosemary! Heart!
- Graham: By your powers combined, I am Captain Seasoning!
- Graham: Now that's a manly burrito. Tastes like motor oil.
- Morgan: Delicious motor oil.
- Graham: We decided to hijack The Whatever Thing this week because...we felt like it. So for those of you who didn't find last week's that funny, I can assure you that this week's has no mention of masturbation. Or--
- Alex: Spanking the monkey.
- Graham: Having a tug 'o war with the cyclops.
- Alex: Acheiving left handed lift-off.
- Graham: Notifying the system administrator.
- Alex: Firing a protein torpedo.
- Graham: Engaging in the noble art of fisticuffs with a one-eyed wiggling Welshman.
- Alex: Putting the Kleenex's kids through college.
- Graham: Alright, I think that's driven the point home.
- Alex: Engaging in hand to gland combat.
- Graham: I-I said stop.
- Alex: Tickling the trout.
- Graham: [whispering] Seriously, dude. Stop.
- Alex: Ringing out his robe.
Morgan wants haikus
Well this one is pretty nice
Funny, not so much
Praise the Commodore
It's words inspire laughter
Loading Ready Run