Lollipop Chainsaw

From Wikiquote
Jump to: navigation, search

Lollipop Chainsaw is a 2012 videogame developed by Suda 51. The game follows zombie hunter apprentice Juliet Starling, who is a cheerleader at the fictional San Romero high school and was on the cusp of dating her boyfriend Nick Carlyle, but on her eighteenth birthday the entire city of San Romero is suddenly turned into vicious monstrous zombies, controlled by a Necromancer named Swan (Sean Gunn) who had feelings for Juliet but went insane after finding she was involved with Nick and unleashed the zombie plague as his vengeance.

written by James Gunn and Sean Gunn. Music composed by Little Jimmy Urine.

Juliet Starling[edit]

  • Welcome to my bedroom. Don't think that me letting you in here is an invitation for any "funny stuff." Not that I have a problem with funny stuff. Especially if you really like the person. But that isn't what I want to talk about. Today, as they say in Spain, mi cumpleanos! That's right- my birthday! I'm eighteen today! These are my girls on the San Ramero cheer squad. We've been to the Nationals three years in a row. But we haven't won... yet! To keep up my energy, I eat lollipops. I know what you're thinking: I'm getting SOOOOO fat! But they're so yum! This is my family. My older sister Cordelia won a gold medal in riflery last year! She has lots of secret meetings with guys who I THINK are college scouts! My little sister Rosalind has just got her license, which makes me think the DMV are idiots! My girlfriends say my dad is a total D.I.L.F, but try as they might, they could never get between him and my mom! She is so cool! It's because of her my sisters and I wear our vaginas proudly! God, she and my dad love each other so much! Speaking of true love, this is my boyfriend, Nick. It effs me up how much I really like him. My family's throwing me a birthday after school. Nick is totally freaked out having to meet my family for the first time. But I'm even more freaked out for him to find out about my family, even though there's the most amazing ever, some of our traditions are a little...unusual. Nick's already so sweet to never complain about my ginormous fat butt. If he finds out I'm the number one world's biggest weirdo, then he might not want to stick around. I'd be so sad I think I'd seriously cry forever I couldn't stand that. Oh no! I'm totally late! I was supposed to meet him before school! I'm so lame! I hope Nick isn't mad! That's like the totally worst thing that could ever happen!
  • Seriously, dude, what the Hell? And on my birthday too, as if it wasn't late enough!
  • Undead douchebags!
  • Whoa! Zombies suck dick at driving!
  • Hey perv! Don't be looking up my skirt!
  • It's so rad to save somebody's life.
  • You're already dead.

Nick Carlyle[edit]

  • (dying from a zombie bite)Listen, I just wanted to tell you that I, I really fucking love you.
  • (shortly afterwards) How the fuck am I still talking... without a fucking thorax?
  • Juliet, I'm not sure I can do this, just being a head.
  • God...I'm happy I don't have a bladder. Otherwise I'd be pissing myself right now.
  • Shoot his fucking retarded fat legs first!

Gideon Starling[edit]

  • Oh, that girl knows trouble like apple knows pie!
  • (to Nick) Don't suck up, son!
  • Nick, you may not be the man I'd pick for my daughter, but it seems like you're the man she'd pick for herself. And I tell you, she's always been a Hell of a lot smarter than me!


  • Mega-genocide, baby! Hah, hah, there's nothing more hilarious, than to watch this world burn! This society, this life, this government, made my life a Hell! And now everybody will know what a life of Hell truly is, forever!
  • Malicious Lords, I invoke your Dark Forces in declaring myself God of this Realm! As the pawn is present, may your ritual commence, and may the Dark Purveyors appear, NOW!

Juliet's mom[edit]

  • (on phone) Hey. It's mom, Juliet. Hope you're taking care of yourself. Don't do anything stupid, okay?

Various zombies[edit]

  • I'll rip out your taint!
  • Feet are for suckers!
  • Where's the beef?
  • Nummy, nummy, nummy flesh!
  • BEEEEEEE my girl!
  • It's lunch time!
  • Dying hurts so bad!
  • Soda makes your bones weak.
  • Now I hate you more than Carrot Top.


(Juliet runs into Morikawa)

  • Morikawa:' Ah, Juliet! A moment, a-please!

(spins round real fast and decapitates a handful of zombies)

  • Morikawa: Ah, Juliet. It seems you've gotten a-head in life! Ha, ha, ha!
  • Juliet: My teacher, Morikawa Sensei is the most amazing veteran zombie hunter ever!
  • Morikawa: Correct. I have studied the zomboid sciences for 40 years. Now, listen, both of you. The school is in dire trouble. My research tells me something has gone wrong on a cosmic scale.
  • Juliet: That's a massive bummer.
  • Nick: That's totally sucks.
  • Morikawa: Let me show you. The Universe is divided into three realms: The Land Beyond Words, Rotten World, and our dimension, Earth. There are dimensional walls between each. Using a combination of black magic and explosives, someone cracked the wall between Earth and Rotten World which has allowed gases from Rotten World to seep through into our world. Your friends and fellow students inhaled these gasses which transformed them into the Undead. Well, whoever did this could be trying to open a permanent gate between here and Rotten World! Which would be catastrophic. Unfortunately, once they've become zombies, there is no return. All we can do is to clear up the school, kill the Undead, and stop the bomber! That is our mission! The bomber is either in the cafeteria downstairs or the courtyard. You destroy the zombies in the cafeteria; I shall look in the courtyard. I am counting on you both! Kill the motherfuckers!

(His ritual complete, Swan now orders an attack from the Dark Purveyors, the five demons controlling the zombies)

  • Swan: ZED!

(Zed's red orb shoots at Juliet, morphing into a hideous white rotten face sinking into the tarmac)

  • Zed: (whispers) Let's play... (shouts) PISS... OFF!

(Juliet is thrown backwards by his profane black magic and ends up on a stage near a multi-story carpark. Zed is onstage using his voice to blast down cars to crush her)

  • Zed: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! I'm Punk Rock zombie, ZEEEEEEEEEEED!!! Welcome to the Mosh Pit, you zombie-hunting sleaze!YEAAAAHHHHH!!!! I'm gonna rock your brains out- literally!
  • Nick: Oh. I love that song "Teenager". Have you heard that?
  • Juliet Starling: That's not important right now, Nick. We have to blow this guy away! What do you think of this catchphrase? I AM GOING TO KILL YOU! A LOT!
  • Zed: I'll string my guitar with your intestines!
  • Juliet Starling: His voice is mega-irritating!
  • Zed: How do like the spotlight, slag?! Your face gonna be a sweet doo-rag! Welcome to the Big Show! Time to get Hard-core, you zombie-hunting slut!
  • Juliet Starling: Probably took him like three hours to spike his mohawk this morning. Needy, much?
  • Zed: I'm gonna crush your face. (bobs mohican) I'm lovin' this shit! Your ass in MIIIIIIINE! I love the smell of almost dead cheerleader in the morning!
  • Zed: (after Juliet defeats him) NOT COOL!! I'm not done screaming yet! This really fuckin' hurts, man!

External links[edit]