Love Stinks (film)

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Love Stinks is a 1999 comedy film. It was written and directed by Jeff Franklin.

Sometimes the best sex in the world...just isn't worth it.taglines


Chelsea: All I ever wanted to do was spend my life loving you, you disgusting sack of shit.
Seth: If that's all you wanted, then why did you hire the sleaziest lawyer in town, you pathologically deluded, morally bankrupt, in-denial, self-esteem-deficient bitch on wheels?
Chelsea: I am NOT in denial.

Larry Garnett: It's like a hooker taking a trick to court to get him to pay.
Holly: Don't call my best friend a hooker.
Larry Garnett: That's right, a hooker tells you the price up front.

Seth: You've put me off women. I'm gay now. And not just a little gay-full on, Liberace gay.

Chelsea: I really like this guy. I think that Seth could be the one.
Holly: Are you serious? Does he feel the same way?
Chelsea: Please, he's a man. He has no idea how he's feeling.

Holly: We're going to go over strategy. Now, remember, Chelsea, it took me three breakups, seven ultimatums, and God knows how many not-so-thinly veiled threats before Larry coughed up this ring.
Chelsea: Oooh. Okay, whatever it takes, I'm gonna marry that man.

Seth: Nice job, you fucked up date night.

Seth: Drop the probe and step away from my ass.

Seth: I'll sure your ass for damages for damaging my ass.

Seth: Back to Hell, demon. Back to hell.

Seth: But we agreed to $100,000. We shook on it. We had sex on it.
Chelsea: Hate sex.

[on phone answering machine]
Seth: If you have a message for me, leave it after the beep and if you have a message for Chelsea then you REALLY HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF WHY.

Seth: [in the shower] Oh my God! My hair is falling out!
Chelsea: You know stress will do that to ya!
Seth: Holy shit! It's really falling out!
Chelsea: That's so weird!
[Seth's hair begins to fall out rapidly]
Seth: Oh my God! Oh, Jesus! Oh my God! Oh, jeez! [steps out of shower and looks into mirror] AHHHHHHHHHHH! What did you do to me?
Chelsea: I didn't do anything! You must have used my hair remover instead of your conditioner.
Chelsea: I didn't do it! I swear!
Seth: Ooooohhhhh man, you are the fuckin' devil! THE DEVIL!

Chelsea: Can I make it up to you?
Seth: What did you have in mind?
Chelsea: Back rub, blow-job, breakfast in bed.
Seth: The three B's! It has a chance at working.

Chelsea: [sleeping in bed with Seth, he farts and the pets disperse] Ugh, you are such a pig!
Seth: Oh... man, I am so sorry! You know I had beans and broccoli for dinner and I washed them down with some crab cakes... [farts loudly] OH!...
Chelsea: [simultaneously] EWWW! Ew! Ew!
Seth: Goodness! I am so sorry. Would you like to spoon me? Because, I feel like I'm past the worst of it, and I need some cuddle-time - Oh, wait, no, I was wrong. Incoming! [farts] OH!...
Chelsea: [simultaneously] Ugh, you're sick! Ew!
Seth: My goodness! Keeping the neighbors up, huh? Feet are on fire. Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! [farts rapidly, four times] Oh, man! I've got skills! I've got game! Ah... mmmm - oh! [farts loudly] Ole!


  • Sometimes the best sex in the world...just isn't worth it.
  • An "Un-romantic" romantic comedy.
  • If you can't be with the one you love...make their life a living hell.
  • A movie about a relationship...that's worse than yours.

(An Un-Romantic Comedy


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