Mad Men

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Mad Men (2007 – 2015) is an American television drama created by Matthew Weiner. The show centers around an advertising agency in the 1960s, and its creative director, Don Draper. The show is broadcast in the United States on the AMC network.


Season One[edit]

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes [1.01][edit]

Don: By love you mean big lightning bolts to the heart, where you can't eat and you can't work, and you just run off and get married and make babies. The reason you haven't felt it is because it doesn't exist. What you call love was invented by guys like sell nylons.

Don: You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts, but I never forget... I'm living like there's no tomorrow, 'cause there isn't one.

Don: Advertising is based on one thing, happiness. And you know what happiness is? Happiness is the smell of a new car. It's freedom from fear. It's a billboard on the side of the road that screams reassurance that whatever you are doing is okay. You are okay.

Don: Suggesting that our customers have a What did you call it? A death wish? I just don't see that on a billboard.

Joan: He may act like he wants a secretary, but most of the time they're looking for something between a mother and a waitress. And the rest of the time, well... Go home, take a paper bag and cut some eye holes out of it. Put it over your head, look in the mirror and try and evaluate your strengths and weaknesses. And try and be honest.

Don: Except they aren't.
Mr. Garner: That's your slogan? "You're going to die anyway. Die with us"?
Daniel: Actually, it's a fairly well-established psychological principle that society has a death wish, and if we could just tap into that, the market potential is What the hell are you talking about?
Mr. Garner: Are you insane? I'm not selling rifles here. I'm in the tobacco business. We're selling America.
Mr. Garner: The Indians gave it to us, for shit's sake.

Mr. Garner: Lucky Strikes is toasted. I get it.
Sterling: Well, gentlemen, I don't think I have to tell you what you just witnessed here.
Lee Jr.: I think you do.
Draper: Advertising is based on one thing: Happiness.
Draper: And you know what happiness is? Happiness is the smell of a new car. It's freedom from fear.
Draper: It's a billboard on the side of the road that screams with reassurance that whatever you're doing it's okay.

Don: We should get married.
Midge Daniels: You think I'd make a good ex-wife?

Ladies Room [1.02][edit]

Don: Let me ask you something, what do women want?
Roger: Who cares?

Roger: Psychiatry is just this year's candy pink stove.

Betty: [To her psychiatrist] I don’t know why I’m here. I mean, I do, I’m nervous, I guess. Anxious. I don’t sleep that well. And my hands. They’re fine now, it’s like when you have a problem with your car and you go to a mechanic and it’s not doing it anymore. Not that you’re a mechanic. I guess a lot of people must come here worried about the bomb. Is that true? It’s a common nightmare, people say. I read it in a magazine. My mother always told me that it wasn’t polite to talk about yourself. She passed away recently. I guess I already said that.

Roger: You know what? I am very comfortable with my mind. Thoughts clean and unclean, loving and… the opposite of that. But I am not a woman. And I think it behooves any man to toss all female troubles into the hands of a stranger.

Paul Kinsey: Sterling Cooper is positively Cro-Magnon. I have a friend - I’m not even going to say what agency - but all they do is smoke Mary Jane and play darts. And honestly, I think they’re the best store on the street.

Marriage of Figaro [1.03][edit]

Rachel Menken: It's hard to get caught in a lie.
Don: It wasn't a lie, it was ineptitude with insufficient cover.

New Amsterdam [1.04][edit]

Roger: I bet there were people in the Bible walking around, complaining about "kids today."
Don: Kids today, they have no one to look up to. 'Cause they're looking up to us.

Pete: I have ideas.
Don: I'm sure you do. Sterling Cooper has more failed artists and intellectuals than the Third Reich.

Roger: I bet daily friendship with that bottle attracts more people to advertising than any salary you can dream of.
Don: It's the way I got in.
Roger: So enjoy it.
Don: I'm doin' my best here.
Roger: No, you're not. You don't know how to drink. Your whole generation, you drink for the wrong reasons. My generation, we drink because it's good, because it feels better than unbuttoning your collar, because we deserve it. We drink because it's what men do.
Don: What about shaky hands, I see a lot of that with you boys?
Roger: No joke. Your kind with your gloomy thoughts and your worries, you're all busy licking some imaginary wound.
Don: Not all imaginary.
Roger: Yeah, boo hoo.
Don: Maybe I'm not as comfortable being powerless as you are.

Roger: What you did is totally unacceptable.
Pete: I realize that.
Roger: I want you to be very clear about this: You were fired. I wanted you out. Cooper wanted you out. And you would be...if it weren't for this man. [motions to Don] He thought you deserved another chance. That's right. He fought for you.
Pete: I don't know what to say.
Roger: Say nothing. You are here because of Don Draper's largess.
Pete: Thank you. Thank you so much.
Roger: Now, I know that your generation went to college instead of serving, so I'll illuminate you. This man is your commanding officer. You live and die in his shadow. Understood?
Pete: [nods vigorously] I won't let you down, Don.
Roger: Jesus! Campbell...don't ever say that.

5G [1.05][edit]

Betty: I liked your girl Peggy. She’s fresh.
Don: As the driven snow.

Midge Daniels: [to Don on the phone as Peggy listens] I want you to pull my hair and ravish me and leave me for dead.

Babylon [1.06][edit]

Joan: Roger, if you had your way, I would be stranded in some paperweight with my legs stuck in the air.

Don: Mourning is just extended self-pity.

Don: Well, some men like eyebrows... and all men like Joan Crawford. Salvatore couldn't stop talking about it.

Roy: So, what do you do, Don?
Don: I blow up bridges.
Midge Daniels: Don's in advertising.
Roy: No way. Madison Avenue? What a gas!
Midge Daniels: We all have to serve somebody.
Roy: Perpetuating the lie. How do you sleep at night?
Don: On a bed made of money.
Midge Daniels: Isn't this an education!
Roy: You hucksters in your tower created the religion of mass consumption.
Don: People want to be told what to do so badly that they'll listen to anyone.
Roy: When you say "people", I have a feeling you're talking about thou.
Don: And I have a feeling that you spent more time on your hair this morning [points to Midge] than she did.

Ken Cosgrove: [after Joan bends over in front of the one-way mirror] I wanna stand and salute that.

Red in the Face [1.07][edit]

Pete: You ever been hunting, Peggy?
Peggy: No, I don't think so.
Pete: You either have or you haven't. I went a couple of times. With my uncle. New Hampshire.
Peggy: I saw my cousin shoot a rabbit by Coney Island.
Pete: It's an incredible sensation. You have to be very quiet. Take it down with the first shot or you scare it away. Then sometimes you have to go up and finish it off. Then you tie it to the bumper and go home. But do you know what I've always wanted to do? I would pick it up, throw its back legs over my shoulder, and I would drag it through the snow to this little cabin. And there, I'd hang it up between a couple of trees, cut it open, and drain it, dress it. Then I'd take my big hunting knife and I'd cut this loin right out the side. And I'd go into the cabin and there'd be this woman waiting for me. Standing by one of those old stoves with a big black pipe. And I'd hand it to her and she'd put it in a cast iron skillet and then I'd sit at the table. And she'd bring it to me. And I'd wipe my knife on my knee. And then I would eat it. While she watches.
Peggy:That would be wonderful.

Roger: [to Don, about making a pass at Betty] At some point, we've all parked in the wrong garage.

Roger: [to Don, on children] One minute you're drinking at the bar and they come and tell you your kids been born. Next thing you know, they're heading off to college.

Betty: [to Don, as he grabs her arm] You want to bounce me off the walls? Would that make you feel better?
Don: Sometimes I feel like I'm living with a child.

The Hobo Code [1.08][edit]

Midge's Friend: Dig. Ad man's got a heart.
Midge Daniels: The grown-ups are talking.
Midge's Friend: Don't defend him. [to Don] Toothpaste doesn't solve anything. Dacron sure as hell won't bring back those ten dead kids in Biloxi.
Don: Neither will buying some Tokaj wine and leaning up against a wall in Grand Central pretending you're a vagrant.
Midge's Friend: You know what it's like to watch all you ants go into your hive? I wipe my ass with the Wall Street Journal.
Woman: How come every time we have a party the ladies have to sit and listen to the men talk?
Midge's Friend: Look at you. Satisfied, dreaming up jingles for soap flakes and spot remover, telling yourself you're free.
Don: Oh, my God. Stop talking and make something of yourself.
Roy: Like you? You make the lie. You invent want. You're for them... not us.
Don: Well, I hate to break it to you, but there is no big lie. There is no system. The universe is indifferent.
Midge's Friend: Aww man, why did you have to say that?

Don: [speaking to a client] Listen, I'm not here to tell you about Jesus. You already know about Jesus, either he lives in your heart or he doesn't.

Shoot [1.09][edit]

Joan: Peggy, this isn't China. There's no money in virginity.

Roger: What else is there?
Don: I don't know. Life being lived? I'd like to stop talking about it and get back to it.

Long Weekend [1.10][edit]

Roger: Remember, Don...when God closes a door, he opens a dress.

Roger: You know what my father used to say? "Being with a client is like being in a marriage. Sometimes you get into it for the wrong reasons, and eventually they hit you in the face."

Don: [to Pete Campbell] The day you sign a client is the day you start losing him.
[a few minutes later]
Roger: The day you sign a client is the day you start losing him.
Don: You don't really believe that.

Pete: The president is a product. Don’t forget that.

Roger: [after suffering a heart attack] All these years I thought it would be the ulcer. I did everything they told me, I drank the cream, ate the butter. Then I get hit with a coronary.

Indian Summer [1.11][edit]

Roger: Look, I want to tell you something because you're very dear to me and I hope you understand it comes from the bottom of my damaged, damaged heart. You are the finest piece of ass I ever had and I don't care who knows it. I am so glad I got to roam those hillsides.
Joan: Stop it.

Peggy: Those people - in Manhattan - they are better than us. Because they want things they haven't seen.

Nixon Vs. Kennedy [1.12][edit]

Bert: [to Pete] The Japanese have a saying: a man is whatever room he is in, and right now Donald Draper is in this room.

Pete: What are you doing? Where are you going?
Don: I'm going to take care of this right now.
Pete: Is this some sort of thing like in the movies where I have a gun and you don't think I'm going to shoot you? I will shoot you.

Pete: Why can't you give me what I want? I've earned this job. I deserve it.
Don: Why? Because your parents are rich? Because you went to prep school and have a $5.00 haircut? You've been given everything. You've never worked for anything in your life.

The Wheel [1.13][edit]

Joan: [to Peggy about her new job] I said congratulations, didn't I? Although, sometimes when people get what they want they realize how limited their goals were.

Don: Well, technology is a glittering lure. But there is a rare occasion when the public can be engaged on a level beyond flash – if they have a sentimental bond with the product. My first job I was in house at a fur company, with this old pro of a copywriter, a Greek, named Teddy. Teddy told me the most important idea in advertising is “new.” It creates an itch. You simply put your product in there as a kind of calamine lotion. He also talked about a deeper bond with a product: nostalgia. It’s delicate, but potent. [to receptionist] Sweetheart? [receptionist turns off lights, Don starts slide show featuring photos of his family.] Teddy told me that in Greek, "nostalgia" literally means the pain from an old wound. It’s a twinge in your heart, far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn’t a space ship, it’s a time machine. It goes backwards, forwards. It takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It’s not called a wheel, it’s called a carousel. It lets us travel the way a child travels: round and around, and back home again, to a place where we know we are loved.

Season Two[edit]

For Those Who Think Young [2.01][edit]

Doctor: So, Mr. Draper, you haven't had a physical in quite some time.
Don: Yeah. I eat a lot of apples.

Sarah Beth: [about Arthur] We talk about you, and how Gertie has a crush on you.
Betty: She’s a sadist. I’ll see you Saturday?
[Betty gets into the car in her dirty riding boots.]
Sarah Beth: Don’t you hate getting manure in that?
Betty: Little children. What’s the difference?

Don: [on being told to hire young people] So what am I supposed to do, dangle a Pepsi out the window and see if I can hook a stroller?

Don: I'm gonna ask you a question that was always asked of me when I was on job interviews.
Smitty: That is divine, man.
Don: Have you ever been fired?

Peggy: Sex sells.
Don: Says who? Just so you know, the people who talk that way think that monkeys can do this. They take all this monkey crap and stick it in a briefcase, completely unaware that their success depends on something more than shoeshine. You are the product. You feeling something. That's what sells. Not them. Not sex. They can't do what we do and they hate us for it.

Flight 1 [2.02][edit]

Eugene: Hey Brooklyn, come home with me!
Peggy: Nuh-uh.
Eugene: Why not? I live alone.
Peggy: Why should I?
Eugene: Because I like you and we're having a good time and I'm a good kisser and you know you want to.
Peggy: Eugene, I'm in the persuasion business, and frankly I'm disappointed by your presentation.

The Benefactor [2.03][edit]

Don: The window for this apology is closing. It needs to happen before the appetizers or they will leave.
Bobbie: Really? Because I was thinking about that. So I took a look at Jimmy's contract, well me and a lawyer, and I realized Jimmy doesn't have to apologize at all. In fact, they're going to have to pay him even if they fire him. Especially because "her feelings" isn't a very good reason.
Don: So what is this all about?
Bobbie: I think an apology, and a public one like this one, has to be worth $25,000. And I want it in the paper. Say it's a bonus.
[Don pulls Bobbie back by her hair, pushes up against her and puts his hand up her skirt]
Don: Believe me, I will ruin him. Do what I say.

Bobbie Barrett: I like being bad and then going home and being good.

Three Sundays [2.04][edit]

Sally: [sitting in front of Joan, coloring] You've got big ones. My mommy has big ones. When I grow up, I'm gonna have big ones too.

Don: [on why he won't punish his son with violence] He's a little kid. My father beat the hell out of me, and all it did was make me fantasize about the day I could murder him. And I wasn't half as good as Bobby.

The New Girl [2.05][edit]

Bobbie Barrett: [to Don] This is America; pick a job and become the person who does it.

[Peggy in the hospital]
Don: What's wrong with you?
Peggy: I don't know.
Don: What do they want you to do?
Peggy: I don't know.
Don: Yes you do. Do it. Do whatever they say. [leans in and whispers] Peggy, listen to me, get out of here and move forward. This never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened.

Peggy: [to Don] You'll have to believe me that I'll forget this. I don't want you treating me badly because I remind you of it.

Bobbie Barrett: [to Peggy] You’re never gonna get that corner office until you start treating Don as an equal. And no one will tell you this, but you can’t be a man. Don’t even try. Be a woman. Powerful business when done correctly. Do you understand what I’m saying, dear?

Pete: [to his wife, regarding their fertility issues] Either you make it through this thing or you keep it to yourself.

Maidenform [2.06][edit]

Joan: [to Peggy] You want to be taken seriously? Stop dressing like a little girl.

[Don's secretary is completely sunburned after a day at the beach]
Roger: [to Don] Has your wife seen that yet? Do me a favor. Let me be there when it happens.

The Gold Violin [2.07][edit]

Jimmy Barrett: The drunker you are, the funnier I become. ABC did research.

Jimmy Barrett: You know what I like about you? Nothing! But it's okay. You got me everything I wanted. What did you get? Bobbie? Lots of people have had that.
Don: Excuse me?
Jimmy Barrett: Please. I laugh at you. I go home at night and I laugh at you.
Don: I don't know what you think happened.
Jimmy Barrett: You. You wanna step out, fine. Go to a whore. You don't screw another man's wife. You're garbage. And you know it.

A Night to Remember [2.08][edit]

Peggy: A Night to Remember is every girl's dream. It holds the wholesome promise of the kind of hand holding that eventually leads to marriage.

Six Month Leave [2.09][edit]

Don: It's your life. You don't know how long it's gonna last, but you know it's got a bad ending. You've gotta move forward... as soon as you can figure out what that means.

Peggy: [about Marilyn Monroe] You just don't imagine her ever being alone. She was so famous.
Hollis: Some people just hide in plain sight.

The Inheritance [2.10][edit]

Joan: [to Roger] One day you'll lose someone who's important to you. You'll see. It's very painful.

Pete: [about the possibility of adoption] I don't know if I could love a child that's not even related to me.
Trudy: We're not related by blood and you love me.

The Jet Set [2.11][edit]

[Seeing people in the pool causes Pete to want to go swimming]
Pete: Come on.
Don: You wanna be on vacation, Pete? 'Cause I can make that happen.

The Mountain King [2.12][edit]

Don: I have been watching my life. It’s right there. I keep scratching at it, trying to get into it. I can’t.

Don/Dick Whitman: [holding out Meditations in an Emergency] Did you read it?
Anna Draper: I did. It reminded me of New York. And it made me worry about you.
Don/Dick Whitman: What about the cards? Should I be worried?
Anna Draper: It’s all here. You’re definitely in a strange place. But here’s the Sun.
Don/Dick Whitman: [points to Judgement card] : That can’t be good.
Anna Draper: It is.
Don/Dick Whitman: It’s the end of the world.
Anna Draper: It’s the resurrection. Do you want to know what this means, or not?
Don/Dick Whitman: No, I don’t. I can smell the ocean.
Anna Draper: [points to the World card] This is the one.
Don/Dick Whitman: Who’s she?
Anna Draper: Shes the soul of the world. She’s in a very important spot here. This is you; what you are bringing to the reading. She says you are part of the world. Air, water, every living thing is connected to you.
Don/Dick Whitman: It’s a nice thought.
Anna Draper: It is.
Don/Dick Whitman: What does it mean?
Anna Draper: It means the only thing keeping you from being happy is the belief that you are alone.
Don/Dick Whitman: What if it’s true?
Anna Draper: Then you can change.
Don/Dick Whitman: People don’t change.
Anna Draper: I think she stands for wisdom. Once you live, you learn things.

Betty: There’s a difference between wanting and having.

Meditations in an Emergency [2.13][edit]

Peggy: Pete, just tell the truth, don’t worry about the outcome. People respect that.

Betty: Where have you been? You disappeared.
Don: I had to have some time to think about things.
Betty: Must be nice. Needing time and just taking it, all on your own terms, not wondering what anybody thinks. Me, the children.
Don: Bets, I’d do anything I could to undo what happened.
Betty: What happened?
Don: I was not respectful to you.
Betty: Well, now I know I’m not crazy, that helps.
Don: I can’t walk away from this, I want to be with you, I want to be together again.
Betty: [shakes head] I don’t know. Honestly, things haven’t been that different without you.

Father Gill: Peggy, sometimes I feel He called me to this parish to reach you.
Peggy: No, I didn’t know that.
Father Gill: Well it’s true. Hell is serious and very real and unless you unburden yourself you cannot know peace.
Peggy: I understand that, Father, but you’re upsetting me right now.
Father Gill: That is your guilt, Peggy. All that God wants is for you to reconcile with him. Don’t, don’t you understand that this could be the end of the world and you could go to Hell?
Peggy: I can’t believe that’s the way God is. Good night, Father.

Pete: This is ridiculous. If I’m going to die, I want to die in Manhattan.

Peggy: Well, one day you’re there and then all of a sudden there’s less of you. And you wonder where that part went, if it’s living somewhere outside of you, and you keep thinking maybe you’ll get it back. And then you realize, it’s just gone.

Season Three[edit]

Out of Town [3.01][edit]

Pete: I just wanted to let you both know how honored I am with this promotion.
Roger: Help yourself... not the Stoli.

Sally: I'm sorry I broke your suitcase.
Don: Find out how much it is to repair and it will come out of your allowance.
Sally: I don't have an allowance.
Don: Then don't break things.
Sally: I just thought - I just didn't want you to go.
Don: Come here. [hugs her] I'll always come home. You'll always be my girl.

Don: [looking at a whiskey ad] Can you believe this? What is the world coming to?
Sal: That is a big bottle.
Don: That's not a bottle, that's a date.
Sal: My oh my, what a big bottle you have.
Don: Sorry honey, but I'm taken. I just pawned my typewriter so we can be together all weekend.

Pete: Why does it have to be like this? Why can't I get anything good all at once?

Don: I keep going to a lot of places and ending up somewhere I've already been.

Love Among the Ruins [3.02][edit]

Peggy: Let’s assume we can get a girl who can match Ann-Margret’s ability to be 25 and act 14.
Sal: Is that what she’s doing?

Bert: I don’t want to have to walk down here every time we lose an account. This is an advertising agency. I’ll wear out the carpet.

Don: And let’s also say that change is neither good or bad, it simply is. It can be greeted with terror or joy. A tantrum that says ‘I want it the way it was,’ or a dance that says ‘Look, something new.’

Don: You’re not an artist, Peggy, you solve problems. Leave some tools in your toolbox.

My Old Kentucky Home [3.03][edit]

Gene Hofstadt: You think money’s the answer to every problem.
Don: No, just to this particular problem.

Roger: It's a mistake to be conspicuously happy.
Don: No one thinks you're happy. They think you're foolish.

Peggy: The thing is, I have a job. I have my own office, with my name on the door. And I have a secretary—that’s you. And I am not scared of any of this.

Peggy: I'm Peggy Olson and I wanna smoke some marijuana.

Paul: [after smoking marijuana] If you were feeling it, you'd be hungry.
Peggy: I am hungry. It's just not worth moving.

The Arrangements [3.04][edit]

Pete: Well, as they used to say at the freshman mixer, when you get a yes, you go home.
Horace Cook, Jr.: Only, Humps, you never got one.

Harry: It doesn't make any sense. It looks right, sounds right, smells right. But something's not right. What is it?
Roger: She's not Ann-Margret.

The Fog [3.05][edit]

Betty: Where's Don?
Nurse: He's in the waiting room.
Betty: Bullshit! He's never where you expect him to be.

Don: Our worst fears lie in anticipation.

Peggy: I look around and I think: I want what he had. You have everything and you have so much of it.
Don: I suppose that's probably true.

Gene: Don't worry. You're a house cat. You are very important and you have little to do.

Guy Walks Into an Advertising Agency [3.06][edit]

John Hooker: Mr. Kinsey, you might want to shave your beard.
Paul Kinsey: What? Who the hell are you people?
John Hooker: That was a joke.

Roger: You think there's something feminine about it? My father was the tallest, handsomest, vainest man in New York, and he got his nails done. He had his fourth coronary behind the wheel and hit a tree. The windshield severed his arm, and he was dead, so they never put it back on. In the casket he had one hand. The nails were perfect.

Don: This is your brother. We don't know who he is yet, or what he's gonna be. And that is a wonderful thing.

Joan: That's life. One minute, you're on top of the world. The next, some secretary is running over your foot with a lawn motor.

Paul Kinsey: He might lose his foot.
Roger: Right when he got it in the door.

Seven Twenty Three [3.07][edit]

Peggy: [to Pete] Stop barging in here and infecting me with your anxiety.

Don: [to Peggy] Every time I turn around, you've got a hand in my pocket... there's not one thing that you've done here that I couldn't live without.

Peggy: What do you want from me?
Duck: I want to take you in that bedroom, lock the door, take your clothes off with my teeth, throw you on the bed and give you a go-around like you've never had.

Roger: I watched the sunrise today. Couldn't sleep.
Don: How was it?
Roger: Average.

Souvenir [3.08][edit]

Betty: [to her daughter] You don't kiss boys. Boys kiss you.

Ken: New York in August? It's like a great big melting wax museum. Nothing but those fat girls with the hairy armpits putting their feet in a fountain.

Don: Connie, this is my wife Betty.
Connie Hilton: By golly, you are an indecently lucky man.

Pete: Let me speak to the manager.
Saleswoman: Of the entire store?
Pete: Of the republic of dresses. Whoever can help me with this because you're falling short.

Ken: Still working Campbell? There's no reason to show off... Cooper's in Montana, Sterling's in Jane and Draper's on vacation.

Wee Small Hours [3.09][edit]

Betty: 'I want what I want when I want it.' And you don't care what it does to the rest of us - like someone else I know.

Connie Hilton: [to Don] What do you want from me, love? Your work is good. But when I say I want the moon, I expect the moon.

Don: Give me more ideas to reject.

Don: Now that I can finally understand you, I am less impressed with what you have to say.

Harry: My mother-in-law says I look like Perry Mason.
Paul: It's not a compliment. It means she thinks you're fat.

The Color Blue [3.10][edit]

Lane: So we finally have an answer to the question 'What makes Don Draper smile?' Five thousand dollars seems to be the number.

Don: People may see things differently, but they don't really want to.

The Gypsy and the Hobo [3.11][edit]

Don: The product is good. It's high quality. Dogs love it, but the name is poisoned.
Client: That name got us where we are. Do you think that was just luck?
Don: I'm not saying a new name is easy to find. And we will give you a lot of options. But it's a label on a can. And it will be true because it will promise the quality of the product that's inside.

Anabelle: You're married, aren't you?
Roger: I am.
Anabelle: Still or again?
Roger: You know it's again. And don't get cute.
Anabelle: You were the one.
Roger: You weren't.

Don: I can explain.
Betty: I know you can. You're a gifted storyteller.

Don: Where do you want me to start?
Betty: What's your name?
Don: (slowly) Donald Draper. But it used to be Dick Whitman.

Don: People change their names, Bets. You did.
Betty: I did. I took your name.

Betty: What would you do if you were me? Would you love you?
Don: I was surprised you ever loved me.

The Grown-Ups [3.12][edit]

Pete: I found out yesterday that Head of Accounts is going to Kenny and his haircut.

Trudy: Have you been drinking?
Pete: The whole country is drinking!

Peggy: I have to go to the printer.
Paul: I know a nooner when I hear one.
Peggy: You're disgusting.

Shut the Door. Have a Seat [3.13][edit]

Lane Pryce: [Answers the phone to a call from London] Saint-John, how are you?
Saint-John Powell: What in God's name is going on over there?
Lane: I think at this point it should be very clear.
Saint-John Powell: You're fired. You're fired for costing this company millions of pounds. You're fired for insubordination. You're fired for lack of character!
Lane: [cheerfully] Very good. Happy Christmas!

Lane: Mr. Hooker! I've been sacked. Please have my office and things put in storage at this address.
John Hooker: What's happened?
Lane: You're a sharp boy, you'll figure it out.

Don: No. Because there are people out there who buy things, people like you and me. And something happened. Something terrible. And the way that they saw themselves is gone. And nobody understands that. But you do. And that’s very valuable.
Peggy: Is it?
Don: With you or without you I’m moving on. And I don’t know if I can do it alone. Will you help me?
Peggy: What if I say no? You’ll never speak to me again.
Don: No. I will spend the rest of my life trying to hire you.

Roger: [as they leave their old offices] How long do you think it'll take us to be in a place like this again?
Don: I never saw myself working in a place like this.

Roger: Peggy, can you get me some coffee?
Peggy: No.

Bert: Young men love risk because they can’t imagine the consequences.
Don: You old men love building golden tombs and sealing the rest of us in with you.

Season Four[edit]

Public Relations [4.01][edit]

Roger: A wooden leg. They're so cheap they can't even afford a whole reporter.

Roger: I love how they sit there like a couple of choirboys. You know one of them's leaving New York with VD.

Peggy: [to Don] You know something. We are all here because of you. All we want to do is please you.

Henry: [about not yet selling the house] Don, it's temporary.
Don: Believe me, Henry, everyone thinks this is temporary.

Roger: [about Bethany Van Nuys] You hit it off, come Turkey Day, maybe you can stuff her.

Christmas Comes But Once a Year [4.02][edit]

Allison: Good time? Bad time?
Don: Yes.

Lane: What about our other clients?
Roger: We have no other clients! If Lee Garner, Jr. wants three wise men flown in from Jerusalem, he gets it.

Don: I don't hate Christmas. I hate this Christmas.

Don: How can you stand going to the hospital every day?
Phoebe: I love working at the hospital. People comin’ into the world, people leavin’ it. Everything happens there.

Faye: In a nutshell, it all comes down to what I want versus what’s expected of me.

The Good News [4.03][edit]

Don: We're going to the movies.
Lane: Do you think we should?
Don: Does Howdy Doody have a wooden dick?

Stephanie: So I’d say Laura was the worst roommate. She had a nervous breakdown. One morning she’s reading the Bible instead of her Psych book. The next morning she woke me up, leaning over me with this crazy smile, and said, ‘Morning, Stephanie. Have you heard the Good News?’
Anna: There are worse things.
Don: No there aren’t.

Don: I could tell, the minute she saw who I really was, she never wanted to look at me again. Which is why I never told her.
Anna: Oh, Dick. I’m sorry she broke your heart.
Don: I had it coming.

Anna: I started thinking of everything I was sure was true, and how flimsy it all might be.
Don: You don’t have to see a UFO to know that. But it’s not a great way to think about things.
Anna: I know everything about you and I still love you.

Don: She is very important to me. I’m going to do what I have to.
Patty: You have no say in the affairs of this family. You’re just a man in a room with a checkbook. I’m sorry.

The Rejected [4.04][edit]

Don: [holding up a bottle] Why is this empty?
Allison: Because you drank it all.

Peggy: [after Joyce kisses her] I have a boyfriend.
Joyce: He doesn't own your vagina.
Peggy: No, but he's renting it.

Freddy: [about a focus group] Can you imagine? Your financial future is in the hands of a room full of 22 year old girls.
Don: Not mine.

The Chrysanthemum and the Sword [4.05][edit]

Roger: Since when is forgiveness a better quality than loyalty?

Hachi Saito: [in Japanese, about the well-endowed Joan] How does she not fall over?
Joan: Not very subtle, are they?
Akira Takahashi: No, they are not.

Don: Chaough said he's in my rear-view mirror. Well, guess what? I'm gonna make a left turn - right off a cliff.

Waldorf Stories [4.06][edit]

Peggy: Have you been yelled at by Don yet?
Stan: I'm not scared of him.
Peggy: So that's a no.

Roger: They don't seem to give awards for what I do.
Joan: And what is that?
Roger: [about Don] Find guys like him.

Stan: [to Peggy, about Don] I know you're his favorite. I bet he takes you hunting and lets you carry the carcasses in your mouth.

The Suitcase [4.07][edit]

Don: It's your job. I give you money, you give me ideas.
Peggy: And you never say thank you.
Don: That's what the money is for! You should be thanking me every morning when you wake up, along with Jesus, for giving you another day!

Don: My Uncle Mac said he had a suitcase that was always packed. He said a man has to be ready to go at any moment. Jesus, maybe it's a metaphor.

Peggy: I mean, I know what I'm supposed to want, but it just never feels right, or as important as anything in that office.

Don: [about her pregnancy] Do you ever think about it?
Peggy: I try not to, but then it comes up out of nowhere. [She pauses] Playgrounds.

Peggy: What happened?
Don: Somebody very important to me died.
Peggy: Who?
Don: The only person in the world who really knew me.
Peggy: That’s not true.

The Summer Man [4.08][edit]

Don: [voice-over] People tell you who they are, but we ignore it - because we want them to be who we want them to be.

Don: [voice-over] When a man walks into a room, he brings his whole life with him. He has a million reasons for being anywhere. Just ask him. If you listen, he’ll tell you how he got there. How he forgot where he was going - then, he woke up. If you listen, he’ll tell you about the time he thought he was an angel and dreamt of being perfect. And then he’ll smile, with wisdom, content that he realized the world isn’t perfect. We’re flawed because we want so much more. We’re ruined because we get these things and wish for what we had.

Joan: [to Peggy] No matter how powerful we get around here, they can still just draw a cartoon. So all you've done is prove to them that I'm a meaningless secretary, and you're another humorless bitch.

Don: [to Peggy] You want some respect? Go out there and get it for yourself.

Joan: You're so arrogant.
Joey: Me? What do you do around here besides walking around like you're trying to get raped?
Joan: Excuse me?
Joey: I'm not some young girl off the bus. I don't need some madame from a Shanghai whorehouse to show me the ropes.

The Beautiful Girls [4.09][edit]

Roger: [to Joan] Every time I think back, all the good stuff was with you.

Joan: Poor Ida.
Roger: She died like she lived, surrounded by the people she answered phones for.

Bert: ( on Ida's death ): She was born in 1898 in a barn. She died on the 37th floor of a skyscraper. She was an astronaut.

Don: That's not a strategy, that's two strategies connected by the word and. I can do "where the pros go" or I can do "everyone's welcome," not both.

Peggy: I have to say, most of the things Negroes can't do, I can't do either...and nobody seems to care.

Don: Let yourself out, lock the door behind a courtesy.
Faye: You want to leave me here? You sure?
Don: I'm taking everything interesting with me.

Hands and Knees [4.10][edit]

Lee Garner Jr.: I'm gettin' this.
Roger: Why would you do that?
Lee Garner Jr.: Sometimes a fella's gotta pick up the check.

Lane: Three whiskey sours ought to do.
Robert Pryce: She's asking what you want, not how many you've had.

Pete: How is it that some people just walk through life dragging their lies with them, destroying everything they touch?

Robert Pryce: Put your home in order, either here or there. You will not live in between.
Lane: Yes sir.

Chinese Wall [4.11][edit]

Bert: [to Roger] Lee Garner Jr. never took you seriously because you never took yourself seriously.

Faye: [to Don] I would never use you like that because I know the difference between what we have and this stupid office.

Faye: [to Don] You want a shoulder to cry on, fine. You want to throw me to the wolves to save your neck, forget it.

Joan: [to Roger] I'm not the solution to your problem; I'm another problem.

Blowing Smoke [4.12][edit]

Sally: When I think about forever I get upset. Like the Land of Lakes butter has that Indian girl, sitting holding a box, and it has a picture of her on it, holding a box, with a picture of her on it, holding a box. Have you ever noticed that?

Peggy: You always say, if you don’t like what they’re saying about you, change the conversation.
Don: To what? What they’re saying about us is true.

Pete: [to Don] You did what was best for you because you're impatient and childish. You had a tantrum on a full page in the New York Times.

Don: I slept last night for the first time in a month.
Roger: You slept? Really? You weren't smiling over the taste of shit that would be in everybody's mouth over breakfast today?

Roger: Well I gotta go learn a bunch of people’s names before I fire them.

Tomorrowland [4.13][edit]

Don: I’ve got this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Faye: Listen, maybe it’s not all about work. Maybe that sick feeling might go away if you’d take your head out of the sand about the past.
Don: You know it’s not that simple.
Faye: Of course it isn’t. And you don’t have to do it alone, but if you resolve some of that, you might be more comfortable with everything.
Don: And then what happens?
Faye: Then you’re stuck trying to be a person like the rest of us.

Don: [about teenagers] The truth is, they’re mourning for their childhood more than they’re anticipating their future, because they don’t know it yet, but they don’t want to die.

Don: You don’t know anything about me.
Megan: But I do. I know that you have a good heart. I know that you’re always trying to be better.
Don: We all try, we don’t always make it. I’ve done a lot of things.
Megan: I know who you are now.

Don: I don’t know what it is about you, but I feel like myself when I’m with you, but the way I always wanted to feel, because I’m in love with you Megan, and I think I have been for a while.
Don: When I saw you sleeping there, I thought, I couldn't imagine not seeing you there every morning. Will you marry me?
Megan: I don't know what to say. This is all so fast.
Don: Did you ever think about the number of things that had to happen for me to get to know you? But everything happened, and it got me here. What does that mean?
Megan: I can't believe this. Yes! Yes!

Faye: [about Megan] I hope she knows you only like the beginnings of things.

Season Five[edit]

A Little Kiss (1) [5.01][edit]

Roger: Is it just me, or is the lobby full of Negros?

Don: [to Megan] I want you at work, because I want you.

Pete: [about his small office] Where am I supposed to conduct business?
Roger: In the crapper for all I care.

Roger: [about Megan] Why don't you sing like that?
Jane Sterling: [about Don] Why don't you look like him?

Don: So when you're 40, how old will I be?
Bobby: You'll be dead.

A Little Kiss (2) [5.02][edit]

Stan: Big weekend plans?
Don: It's Tuesday. I don't know.
Stan: I was talking about me. My cousin's coming in.
Don: Stan, assume that you're working.

[Roger "promotes" Harry to a windowless office in the basement]
Roger: [holds up a wad of cash] It's more than a thousand, Harry. That... is a month's salary. After taxes.
Harry: There's no window in there.
Roger: You could buy yourself a very beautiful picture of something to look at.

Tea Leaves [5.03][edit]

Michael: That's what they said about Mein Kampf..."Kid really has a voice."

Don: Mohawk is going to insist on a regular copywriter.
Roger: Someone with a penis.
Peggy: I'll work on that.

Mystery Date [5.04][edit]

Greg: The army makes me feel like a good man.
Joan: You're not a good man. You never were, and you know what I'm talking about.

Don: [to Megan] I married you, and I'm gonna be with you until I die...which could be this afternoon.

Roger: [to Peggy] You know I could fire you?
Peggy: Great. There's some portfolios in Jones's office. Maybe you could find somebody tonight.
Roger: Why are you doing this to me?
Peggy: Because you're being very demanding for someone who has no other choice. Dazzle me.
Roger: Fine. How much you want?
Peggy: How much you got?
Roger: $400.
Peggy: Give me all of it.
Roger: Jesus! This better be good.
Peggy: Do you want me to take your watch?

Signal 30 [5.05][edit]

Roger: [seeing Pete and Lane ready to fight] I know cooler heads should prevail but am I the only one who wants to see this?

Peggy: Lane beat the crap out of Pete.
Ken: I can't believe he beat me to it.

Pete: [about Megan] Brave words from a man on his second time around.
Don: Yeah, and if I had met her first I would've known not to throw it away.

Megan: You should slow down.
Don: I'm timing this for when we arrive. I wanna hit the doorbell with my chin.

Lane: England won the World Cup.
Roger: Cup of what?

Far Away Places [5.06][edit]

Don: It's none of your business.
Bert: This is my business.

Bert: [to Don] You've been on love leave. It's amazing things are going as well as they are with as little as you are doing.

Roger: So what was wrong again?
Jane: You don't like me.
Roger: I did. I really did.

At the Codfish Ball [5.07][edit]

Roger: Who knows why people in history did good things? For all we know Jesus was trying to get the loaves and fishes account.

Mona: [to Roger] I thought you married Jane because I had gotten old, and then I realized it was because you had.

Lady Lazarus [5.08][edit]

Megan: Don, I love you. You're everything I hoped you'd be.
Don: You too.

Peggy: [about Megan] I think she's good at everything. I think she's just one of those girls.

Stan: [about Megan] Reality got her. You work your ass off for months, bite your nails, for what? Heinz...baked...beans.

Michael: [about Megan] I'll tell you what takes guts, never having money for lunch. She's owes me like $15 at this point. What am I gonna do, ask Don? Call her? I think it's clear why she left.

Megan: I felt better failing in that audition than I did when I was succeeding at Heinz.

Dark Shadows [5.09][edit]

Michael: I feel bad for you.
Don: I don't think about you at all.

Pete: You know what Howard? Why don't you spend Thanksgiving with her? And I'll go to your house and screw your wife.

Jane: [to Roger, about their LSD trip] Stop telling me things I said that night. Like I know I didn't promise to re-marry right away just to save you alimony.

Michael: You know Don; tall guy, short temper.

Christmas Waltz [5.10][edit]

Pete: You know, if I had told you last December that we'd be in the running for a car, you would've kissed me on the mouth.
Don: Maybe you and I should go as a couple.

Joan: But no flowers from you.
Don: You scared the shit out of me.

Joan: [people watching in a bar] Who do you think he is? Advertising? Insurance? Lawyer? And who do you think's waiting at home? I bet she's not ugly. The only sin she's committed is being familiar.
Don: So you think it's all him?
Joan: Because she can't give him what he wants?
Don: Because he doesn't know what he wants. But he's wanting.
Joan: He knows. It's just the way he is. And maybe it's just the way she is.

Don: You know what this woman said to me once? I like being bad, and going home and being good.
Joan: I bet that stuck to your ribs.
Don: It was a disaster.
Joan: And you enjoyed every minute.

Don: Last year at this time, whether you knew it or not, survival of this company was on the line. And I look at the faces in this room who have given their all to this tenuous recovery, and I say, prepare to take a great leap forward. Prepare to swim the English channel and then drown in champagne. There are six weekends between now and the pitch. We're going to spend them all here. We will celebrate Christmas here. We will ring in the New Year together. And in the end we will represent Jaguar and it will be worth it. Every agency on Madison Avenue is defined by the moment they got their car. When we land Jaguar, the world will know we've arrived.

The Other Woman [5.11][edit]

Pete: [to Joan] It turns out he wanted something we weren't prepared to give. Something very unorthodox.
Pete: What would it take to make you a Queen?
Joan: I don't think you could afford it.

Pete: [to Don] The conversation doesn't end just because you leave the room.

Peggy: [To Don, who is gloomy while the rest celebrate the Jaguar account win] You really have no idea when things are good, do you?

Peggy: I want you to know that the day you saw something in me, my whole life changed. And since then, it's been my privilege to not only be at your side, but to be treated like a protegé. And for you to be my mentor. And my champion.
Don: But...
Peggy: But, I think I've reached a point where it's time for me to have a new experience.
Don: Really?
Peggy: I've giving my notice. I've accepted another offer.

Don: Well, let's pretend I'm not responsible for every single good thing that's ever happened to you. And you tell me the number. Or make one up. And I'll beat it.
Peggy: There's no number.

Commissions and Fees [5.12][edit]

Glen: [to Don] Everything you think's gonna make you happy, just turns to crap.

Roger: [to Don] I'll buy you a drink if you wipe the blood off your mouth.

Tom Schafer: We're at 50% market share in almost everything we make.
Don: Because you have a big line of diverse and charismatic products. And you keep making more. Zip-tape. Styrofoam. Rovana. And why do you do that? Because even though success is a reality, its effects are temporary. You get hungry even though you've just eaten. At the old firm, we had London Fog raincoats. We had a year where we sold 81% of the raincoats in the United States.
Roger: Name another raincoat.
Don: But we didn't stop working for them because 81% isn't enough.
Jack Schmidt: Tell me about napalm.
Roger: You mean that thing those kids outside your building are screaming at you about?
Don: Napalm was invented in 1942. The government put it in flamethrowers against the Nazis, impact bombs against the Japanese. It was all over Korea, I was there. And now it's in Vietnam. But the important thing is when our boys are fighting and they need it, when America needs it, Dow makes it and it works.
Ed Baxter: But it doesn't change the fact that we're happy with our agency.
Don: Are you? You're happy with 50%? You're on top and you don't have enough. You're happy because you're successful. For now. But what is happiness? It's a moment before you need more happiness. I won't settle for 50% of anything. I want 100%. You're happy with your agency? You're not happy with anything. You don't want most of it, you want all of it. And I won't stop until you get all of it.

Don: Why do we do this?
Roger: For the sex, but it's always disappointing.

Don: [to the partners] I already said no, or should I leave so you all can do whatever you want?

The Phantom [5.13][edit]

Marie: Not every little girl gets to do what they want. The world cannot support that many ballerinas.

Mrs. Pryce: [to Don, about Lane] You had no right to fill a man like that with ambition.

Don: [to Megan] You wanna be somebody's discovery, not somebody's wife.

Beth: [at a hotel] I knew you'd show.
Pete: Because I'm pathetic?

Season Six[edit]

The Doorway, Part 1 [6.01][edit]

The Doorway, Part 2 [6.02][edit]

Roger: [to his psychiatrist] I'm just acknowledging that life, unlike this analysis, will eventually end, and somebody else will get the bill.

The Collaborators [6.03][edit]

Herb: Hello, gorgeous.
Joan: [uncomfortable] Hello, Herb.
Herb: Did you get all gussied up for me?
Joan: No. I had no idea you would be darkening my doorway.
Herb: When are you going to come out to the lot? I told I'd let you have a Jaguar for as long as you want.
Joan: I take the bus.
Herb: I know there's a part of you that's glad to see me.
Joan: [looking at his gut] And I know there's a part of you that you haven't seen in years.

Don: [to Pete] I wish you would handle clients as well as you're handling me.

Trudy: We're done, Peter. This is over.
Pete: You want a divorce?
Trudy: I refuse to be a failure. I don't care what you want anymore. This is how it's going to work: You will be here only when I tell you you can be here. I'm drawing a 50-mile radius around this house, and if you so much as open your fly to urinate I will destroy you. Do you understand?
Pete: You know what? You're going to go to bed alone tonight, and you're going to realize that you don't know anything for sure.
Trudy: I'll live with that.

To Have and to Hold [6.04][edit]

[Harry storms into a partner's meeting to confront Joan over firing his secretary]
Harry: "Broadway Joe on Broadway". Did anybody in this room think of that? I did.
Pete: What the hell is that?
Harry: It's $150,000 worth of incremental business I generated while solving a problem. And for what? So I can stand outside that door and watch you all in here?
Don: What did Dawn do?
Joan: Well, I'm almost positive...
Harry: Just keep listening to her, because she's a partner! You know what, I'm sorry my accomplishments happen in broad daylight, and I can't be given the same rewards.
[Joan looks away, pained]
Pete: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Harry: You know damn well! The next time this group is called to order, I expect to be sitting at this table. I've actually earned it.

Don: The greatest thing you have working for you is not the photo you take or the picture you paint; it's the imagination of the consumer. They have no budget, they have no time limit, and if you can get into that space, your ad can run all day.

The Flood [6.05][edit]

Peggy: Don't do anything stupid.
Abe: It's too late. I'm going to Harlem in a tuxedo.

Don: I never wanted to be the man who loves children, but... from the moment they're born... that baby comes out, and you act proud and excited, hand out cigars... but you don't feel anything, especially if you had a difficult childhood. You want to love them, but you don't. And the fact that you're faking that feeling makes you wonder if your father had the same problem. Then they get older, and you see them do something, and you feel that feeling that you've been pretending to have. You feel like your heart is going to explode.

For Immediate Release [6.06][edit]

Megan: [about Don] He's so far away. Sometimes when we're alone I feel like I'm making conversation.
Marie: Darling, you have confounded everyone's expectations. And it is very hard to stand next to someone giving an autograph.
Megan: He doesn't even care.
Marie: Of course he does, but he may think that you belong more to other people than to him.
Megan: [in French] Maybe.
Marie: [in French] It's easily fixed. Don't dress like his wife. The only thought he should have at this meal is how quickly he can get between your legs.

Joan: [to Don] Just once, I would like to hear you use the word "we". Because we're all rooting for you from the sidelines, hoping that you'll decide what's right for our lives!

Man With a Plan [6.07][edit]

Roger: Come on in, Burt. Have a seat.
Burt Peterson: [looking at Roger's modernist chair] What is this? A bed?
Roger: Yeah. You might wanna lie down because here we are again.
Burt Peterson: Well, I haven't forgotten anything. Not a damn thing.
Roger: A lot of times in life you get to do something and you don't realize until it's over how much you enjoyed it. And you swear that the next time it comes around, you're gonna remember that.
Burt Peterson: You're right. And I think I can work with you, too.
Roger: Work? No Burt, I'm letting you go again.
Burt Peterson: What the hell? You can't do that!
Roger: It probably doesn't make a difference at this point, but no one fought for ya.
Burt Peterson: Well we'll see what the folks at Chevy have to say about this!
Roger: Remember Ken Cosgrove? Like a six foot version of Alan Ladd? He's touring the plant right now.
Burt Peterson: You bastard! I've got four million in billings! What've you got?
Roger: I was thinking you would feel that way, that you had more clients and that gives you a voice. I was imagining you talking over me in meetings. Now I don't have that problem.
Burt Peterson: My clients will leave with me!
Roger: No one will ever say you weren't funny, Burt.
Burt Peterson: Well I'll tell you one thing, I'm expecting some kind of severance!
Roger: Who knows? We're really hurting, we're having to cut back...well, obviously.
Burt Peterson: You're a real prick, you know that?
Roger: Dammit Burt, you stole my goodbye.
[Burt leaves. Bob Benson approaches him]
Bob: Oh, hello, you must be Burt Peterson. I'm Bob Benson. I'm supposed to report to you.
Burt Peterson: Well, as first order of business, I recommend you stick your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye!

Sylvia: I think this is over.
Don: It's over when I say it's over.
Sylvia: I had a dream that you crashed in that plane.
Don: But I'm back.
Sylvia: I dreamed that I went to your funeral, and Megan cried on my shoulder.
Don: Stop it.
Sylvia: And then I went back to Arnold, and I made love to him, and I said, "I've been away, but now I'm home."
Don: It means you missed me.
Sylvia: No, it means it's time to really go home. This is over, and not just...this.
Don: It's easy to give up something when you're satisfied.
Sylvia: No, it's easy to give up something when you're ashamed.
[She turns to go]
Don: [pained] Don't...
Sylvia: It's time to go.

The Crash [6.08][edit]

Wendy: Don, ask a question. You can just think of it. You don't have to say it out loud... [Don says nothing] Perfect.

Wendy: Does someone love me?
Don: What?
Wendy: That's what your question was.
Don: Why would you say that?
Wendy: That's everyone's question.

The Better Half [6.09][edit]

[Don strokes Betty's face]
Betty: What are you doing?
Don: Waiting for you to tell me to stop.
[They kiss]
Betty: What did you think when you saw me?
Don: That you are as beautiful as the day I met you.

Betty: That poor girl. She doesn't know that loving you is the worst way to get to you.

A Tale of Two Cities [6.10][edit]

Roger: We're conquistadors. I'm Vasco de Gama, you're... some other Mexican. We're going to land, buy whatever they've got for the beads in our pockets. Our biggest challenge is to not get syphilis.

Private Dinkins: Dying doesn't make you whole. You should see what you look like.

Favors [6.11][edit]

Pete: [about Ted] Can you imagine what it does to his wife every time he takes that plane?
Peggy: I guess so.
Pete: You don't want me to to talk about his wife.
Peggy: I don't know what you're talking about.
Pete: But I do. I've seen that look.
Peggy: [pause] I know. But nothing can happen.
Pete: And he's in love with you, too.
Peggy: You're the one who's in love with him.
Pete: I could use an account, and he's been generous. At least one of us ended up important. [pause] Please tell me you don't pity me.
Peggy: I don't.
Pete: Because you really know me.
Peggy: [smiles] I do.

[Pete thinks that his mother and her live-in nurse are having an affair; Bob is trying to calm him down]
Bob: Can I ask you something? Did she seem happy?
Pete: [admittedly] Yes, she did.
[Bob takes a drink and a deep breath]
Bob: Is it really so impossible to imagine?
Pete: What?
Bob: Couldn't it be that, if someone took care of you, very good care of you... if this person would do anything for you... If his well-being was his only thought... that you might begin to feel something for him? [smiles at Pete] When there's true love, it doesn't matter who it is.
[Bob nudges his leg up against Pete's. After a very uncomfortable silence, Pete moves his leg away]
Pete: Tell him I'll give him a month's pay, and tell him it's disgusting!
Bob: [embarrassed] Of course.

The Quality of Mercy [6.12][edit]

Harry: I wouldn't bother you at home, but I've got good news!
Don: You finally found a hooker who'll take traveler's checks?

[Don has meddled in Peggy's ad and with her relationship with Ted]
Peggy: I know what you did, I just don't know why you did it.
Don: Calm down.
Peggy: Wanna offer me a drink, pretend like you're helping me a little more?
Don: Close the door.
Peggy: Oh, of course, you deserve privacy!
Don: Look, there's still enough money for the ad. We'll make it work.
Peggy: Stop hiding behind the ad! I know what you did.
Don: I saved both of you. How do you think it looks?
Peggy: You hate that he is a good man!
Don: He's not that virtuous. He's just in love with you.
Peggy: Well, you killed him. You killed the ad. You killed everything. You can stop now.
Don: I'm just looking out for the agency.
Peggy: You're a monster!

In Care Of [6.13][edit]

Minister: [to Don] What's your occupation, young man?
Don: Staying out of people's business.

[Don has a crisis of conscience in the middle of a pitch to Hershey's]
Don: I'm sorry... I have to say this, because I don't know if I'll ever see you again.
Hershey's executive: What?
Don: I was an orphan. I grew up in Pennsylvania, in a whorehouse. I read about Milton Hershey and his school in Torn Up Magazine, or some other crap the girls left by the toilet, and I read that some orphans had a different life there. I could picture it. I dreamed of it - being wanted. Because the woman who was forced to raise me would look at me every day like she wished I would disappear. The closest I got to being wanted was with a girl who made me go through her johns' pockets while they screwed. If I collected more than a dollar, she'd buy me Hershey bar, and I would eat it alone in my room with great ceremony. [choking up] Feeling like a normal kid. It said "sweet" on the package. It was the only sweet thing in my life.
Hershey's executive: [aghast] You want to advertise that?
Don: If I had my way, you would never advertise. You shouldn't have someone like me telling that boy what a Hershey bar is. He already knows.

Season Seven[edit]

Times Zones [7.1][edit]

Freddy: You know, I'm breaking a rule here. I haven't had one of these sausages since I quit. If this makes me have dreams about beer, I'm gonna be mad at you.

[Lee cuddles onto Don's shoulder]
Lee: If I was your wife, I wouldn't like this.
Don: She knows I'm a terrible husband.
Lee: How long have you been married?
Don: Not long enough. I really thought I could do it this time.
Lee: Did she kick you out?
Don: No. She doesn't know that much, but she knows.
Lee: Well, if she doesn't know, you should just keep it that way. That's what people do.
Don: I keep wondering, have I broken the vessel?
Lee: If you did, what can you do about it? It's done. [pause] I bet I could make you feel better.
Don: I bet you could.
Lee: There's a car waiting for me. I could give you a lift.
Don: [pause] I'm sorry, but I have to get back to work.

A Day's Work [7.2][edit]

[Peggy thinks that a bouquet of flowers are for her from Ted]
Peggy: Shirley, I've been thinking about it, and I know it's silly, but could you please throw these flowers away?
Shirley: Why?
Peggy: They're cursed.
Shirley: No, they're not. They're beautiful.
Peggy: Look, I should have bought you flowers, out of respect, not because of some holiday. Are these some symbol of how much we're loved? It's a joke! [she grabs the flowers to throw them away]
Shirley: Please don't.
Peggy: I'll get you some new ones.
Shirley: Please. Those are my flowers. They're from my fiancée.
Peggy: Since when?
Shirley: Since this morning.
Peggy: Why didn't you tell me?
Shirley: You never gave me a chance.
Peggy: I never gave you a chance? They've been sitting there all day! Now you're just embarrassing me!
Shirley: I didn't mean to...
Peggy: You should have never told me! That would have been a great gift. Who cares about your stupid flowers? You know what, you have a ring on. we all know that you're engaged. You did not have to embarrass me. Grow up!

[Sally has just found out that Don is on a "leave of absence" from work]
Don: I was in a pitch meeting, and I told them the truth about me. But it was the wrong time.
Sally: What was the truth?
Don: Nothing you don't know.

Field Trip [7.3][edit]

Megan: I'm not walking out of my own house, so that means you're going to have to leave.
Don: Have you calmed down?
Megan: I'm not kidding around. I want you to call a cab, get on a plane, go home. I don't want you to worry about me anymore.
Don: Stop it.
Megan: Don, it's okay. This is the way it ends. It's going to be so much easier for both of us.

Bobby: [to Betty, about his teacher] She likes you.
Betty: Yes, well, that blouse says she likes everyone.

The Monolith [7.4][edit]

Roger: We've got a computer. It's going to do lots of magical things, like make Harry Crane seem important.

Don: LeaseTech, the company we're leasing the computer from, is a virgin. I think we should prepare a presentation while their guy is here and push 'em over the edge.
Bert: New business.
Don: That whole industry is exploding. The sky has exponential growth.
Bert: Have you forgotten the stipulations?
Don: Fine, tell somebody else. I mean, the apple is right there.
Bert: You have a fundamental misunderstanding of what went wrong here.
Don: So, that's it? You want me to be a janitor? Whistle while I work?
Bert: You thought there was going to be a big creative crisis and we would pull you off the bench, but in fact we've been doing just fine.
Don: So why am I even here? I could have gone anywhere.
Bert: Why are you here?
Don: Because I started this agency!
Bert: Along with a dead man whose office you now inhabit.

Freddy: You know, you never have to have a drink again.
Don: I don't wanna hear that.
Freddy: You're hung over, it's the best time to hear it. Are you just gonna kill yourself? Give them what they want? Or are you gonna go in your room, put on your uniform, fix your bayonet and hit the parade? Do the work, Don.

The Runaways [7.5][edit]

Lou: Don, you've been the boss. The briefcase and the hat? It's a rookie maneuver. You got somewhere you need to be?
Don: I'm afraid I do.
Lou: How's it going to look to the others if I let you go?
Don: You could let everyone go.
Lou: Is that what you would do?
Don: No. I'd let you go, Lou.

Amy: [to Don] You know what would make you feel better? Drugs.

The Strategy [7.6][edit]

Bonnie: [reaching her hand into Pete's pants] Meet me in the ladies' room in 60 seconds.
Pete: [breathlessly] I have always wanted to do that!

[Peggy and Don are brainstorming an ad strategy]
Peggy: Moms love Burger Chef because it's the answer to a crisis. What if mom's coming home from work?
Don: [skeptically] What's her profession?
Peggy: You are surrounded by all kinds of mothers who work, Don.
Don: It's too sad for an ad.
Peggy: Fine. She burned the roast, she dented the fender...
Don: Keep going.
Peggy: She backed over the dog, little Katie's pregnant, Bobby got drafted, but there's still a burger and fries on the table.

Waterloo [7.7][edit]

Bert: No man has ever come back from leave, not even Napoleon.

Don: How did you get in here?
Roger: Money.
Don: No.
Roger: May I speak with you? ... What's going on? You got this letter this morning and it's very upsetting news.
Don: Are they firing you?
Sterling: I don't know.
Don: What does that mean, "breach of contract"? They are either firing you, or not. This is coming from the agency's attorney.
Sterling: Why didn't they call me?? -- Look at you.

Don: Isn't this something? [Talking about the moon landing]
Sally: I guess.
Don: So you're unimpressed?
Sally: It's such a waste of money.
Don: You don't really think that, do you?
Sally: We'll be going there all the time while people go hungry down here.
Don: Don't be so cynical. You want your little brothers to talk that way?
Sally: [thinks] No.

Severance [7.8][edit]

Pete: I've secured Birdseye. I think Ferguson Donnelly is one happy man.
Roger: More like a man-and-a-half. As my father would say, he really puts the "Mick" in "McCann".

Ken: Roger, I just wanted to let you know I won't be collecting severance.
Roger: You got another job? Good for you. But you're still entitled.
Ken: It wouldn't be right. My signing bonus from Dow is so big it feels like a second helping.
Roger: What the hell are you talking about?
Ken: See, I wasn't just Ed's son-in-law. They actually value their relationships.
Roger: Well, I suppose they need a guy in fertilizer.
Ken: I'm taking Tom Schaeffer's old post. Head of Advertising.
Pete: So, you're going to fire us.
Ken: No, it's going to be way worse than that. I'm going to be your client. And I hate to tell you, but I'm very hard to please. Until we meet again. [leaves]
Pete: Shit.

New Business [7.9][edit]

Meredith: How do you go to sleep at night with those Manson Brothers running around?
Harry: ...Manson Family.

Rich Torkelson: Gentlemen, I'll be strict, but this is Torkelson's Law: You got your models, you got your bottles. If you can make it to lunch without bothering anyone, we'll let you have whichever you want.

The Forecast [7.10][edit]

[Don is doing Peggy's performance review]
Don: What do you see for the future?
Peggy: Well, ah... is that on there?
Don: No. I'm just curious.
Peggy: I'd like to be the first woman creative director at this agency. [Don smiles] Is that funny to you?
Don: No, I'm impressed that you know exactly.
Peggy: What else is there?
Don: That's what I'm asking. Let's say you get that. What's next?
Peggy: Land something huge. Create a catchphrase.
Don: So you want fame.
Peggy: Yes.
Don: What else?
Peggy: I don't know.
Don: Yes you do.
Peggy: Create something of lasting value.
Don: [chuckles] In advertising.
Peggy: This is supposed to be about my job, not the meaning of life.
Don: So, you think those things are unrelated?
Peggy: [stands up] I didn't know you'd be in a mood.
Don: Do you want me to do this or not?
Peggy: Why don't you just write down all of your dreams, so I can shit on them? [leaves]

Don: [to Sally] You're a very beautiful girl. It's up to you to be more than that.

Time & Life [7.11][edit]

Don: How do I describe California in a way that doesn't make them jealous?
Ted: Tell them my ex-wife lives there.

Pete: I just talked Secor Laxatives into joining us.
[Don smirks]
Roger: Do you want to?
Don: Were they difficult to move?
Pete: The thing to do is not make that joke.

Lost Horizon [7.12][edit]

[Don is hallucinating that Bert Cooper is in his car]
Don: I must be tired.
Bert: You've been driving for 7 hours... in the wrong direction. Where are you going?
Don: Racine, Wisconsin.
Bert: What's in Wisconsin? Some waitress who doesn't care about you? Don't do that.
Don: That's not going to stop me.
Bert: You like to play the stranger.
Don: Remember On the Road?
Bert: I've never read that book. You know that.
Don: I'm riding the rails.

Peggy: What are you doing here?
Roger: I told Caroline I wanted to pack my personal things. Which I will eventually do, once I figure out why she thought my bar wasn't personal.
Peggy: Did you try Don's office?
Roger: All I found was lighter fluid. I'm not there yet.

Peggy: We had our drink. You clearly don't need help. You need an audience.
Roger: McCann made you wait. You can make them wait.
Peggy: I'm not enjoying this. [He holds up painting] Oh, my God. What is that?
Roger: It's an octopus pleasuring a lady.

The Milk and Honey Route [7.13][edit]

Betty: [to Sally about her cancer diagnosis] Henry shouldn't have scared you. I wanted to tell you myself.
Sally: He doesn't know you won't get treatment because you love the tragedy.
Betty: Sally, I've learned to believe people when they tell you it's over. They don't want to say it, so it's usually the truth.
Sally: Henry says you could have a year.
Betty: And what would that year be like?
Sally: I'll be with you. I won't let you give up!
Betty: I know that. But I watched my mother die. I won't do that to you. And I don't want you to think I'm a quitter. I've fought for plenty in my life. That's how I know it's over. It's not a weakness. It's been a gift to me. To know when to move on.

Pete: I was offered a job tonight. Because its origins were supernatural, I realize its benefits might be as well. I want you and Tammy to come with me. I want you to relocate to Wichita, pick out a house, and be my wife and family again.
Trudy: Peter, I'm not dismissing you, I'm just saying, with respect to whatever is happening with your eyes right now, that we both know the past can't be undone.
Pete: Says who? We're not even through half our lives. Even if we are, we're entitled to more!
Trudy: Of what?
Pete: [pause] Then we're entitled to something new. I wanna start over, and I know I can! I'm not so dumb anymore. I'm not ignoring the fact that I could lose your love.
Trudy: [gently] You never lost it. But I will not allow you to hurt me again.
Pete: [smiles] I love you, too.
Trudy: You think you can just come in here when I'm all disoriented and say the things I wanted you to say 2 years ago, and I'll just run away with you?
Pete: I said it to you 10 years ago, and I'm saying it now: I do.

Betty: [in her letter to Sally] I used to worry about you because you marched to your own drummer. But now I realize that's a good thing. You life will be an adventure. I love you. Mom.

Person to Person [7.14][edit]

Joan: [after trying cocaine] Ooh, that's fast! I feel like someone just gave me some very good news.

Marie: [in French] What will I do when you disappear? I'll starve! I'll be walking the streets of Manhattan with a tiny suitcase and a dollar in my pocket!
Roger: All I got was "suitcase". Yell at me slower, or in English.

Don: I messed everything up. I'm not the man you think I am.
Peggy: Don, listen to me. What did you ever do that was so bad?
Don: I broke all my vows. I scandalized my child. I took another man's name and made nothing of it.
Peggy: That's not true.
Don: I only called because I realized I never said goodbye to you.

Leonard: My name's Leonard, and, uh, I don't know if there's anything that complicated about me. Which is why I should be happier, I guess.
Vince: Do you remember what I said to Daniel about 'should'?
Leonard: Well, it's good for him. He's interesting. But I've never been interesting to anybody. I, um, I work in an office. People walk right by me, I know they don't see me. And I go home and I watch my wife and my kids. They don't look up when I sit down.
Vince: How does it feel to say that?
Leonard: I don't know. It's like no one cares that I'm gone. They should love me. Maybe they do, but I don't even know what it is. You spend your whole life thinking you're not getting it, people aren't giving it to you. Then you realize they're trying. And you don't even know what it is. I had a dream I was on a shelf in the refrigerator. Someone closes the door and the light goes off. And I know everybody's out there eating. And then they open the door and you see them smiling and they're happy to see you. But maybe they don't look right at you and maybe they don't pick you. Then the door closes again. The light goes off.
[Leonard breaks down crying. Don walks across the room, hugs Leonard, and cries with him]

About Mad Men[edit]

  • Interviewer: Now that you've had a year and a half to reflect on Mad Men, what resonates for you now, that perhaps didn't when it first ended a year ago?
Matthew Weiner: A lot of things. Number one, it's embarrassing that even with the all of accolades and viewers and years that we got to do the show, I don't think I was really able to absorb that it meant so much to the audience. That's something that I have enjoyed since it ended. Also, that if you can imagine when the show went on the air, there was no iPad, there was no iPhone, there was nothing streaming. Netflix happened during this; the entire model of television changed during it.
But besides the technological changes, there were the political changes. There was so much anger and a disconcerted feeling about the way things were when the show went on the air. Now we're in a world where all of these things are completely present and the stuff that we were commenting on about what was wrong with that period, and how lucky we were that we weren't in it anymore, it hasn't changed. I now see, quite clearly, that the culture has completely moved back towards that attitude. I always thought I was writing about right now, and the writers, we took things from our lives. Now I look at it and I say, "Wouldn't it be ironic if this show is actually representative of a simpler time in people's lives, when it was on the air?"


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