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Madea Goes to Jail

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Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail is a 2009 film released by Lionsgate and Tyler Perry Studios. The film is produced, written and directed by Tyler Perry, who plays Madea, Joe and Brian.

Dialogue

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Judge Mablean: There's nothin you can do. She's going to jail this time!
Brian: [unsure] I don't know about that.
Judge Mablean: And why not?
Linda: Apparently your Honor, our officers forgot to mirandize her.
Madea: I was waiting for Miranda to come in and nobody came in there ! I was waiting for her. That's right. Ain't nobody miranda me, Miranda wasn't even in the room.
[Elsewhere, at a store called Big Kmart, a woman driving a red sports car honks her horn at Madea, who's trying to search for a spot to park]
Madea: I don't know what the hell you're blowing at, but keep blowing at me.
Woman: Come on, grandma!
Madea: Are you coming… Are you coming out? Hey! Are you coming out?
Woman: Move it, lady!
Madea: I guess you aren't coming out. [turns a corner at the lot] I like those shoes.
Woman: [honks her horn several times; sing-songy] Come on, come on, come on!
Madea: There's a spot right here. I got the groceries, and now, I just need to get up in here. Come on out. [A car drives away from a parking spot. The woman speeds her car into it, just before Madea could park; looking around in shock] I know… Did she… I know damn well that you just… [drives up to the woman in pink, who gets out of her car] Excuse me! Excuse me! Lady, I know… I know damn well you saw me getting ready to take this spot.
Woman: I saw you, and I took it.
Madea: Why don't you move your little red car before I move it for you? [The woman huffs at her, then walks to the Kmart] OK, go on into the store. Go on into the store. Just walk off. Just walk off like you're bad. You're bad? You're bad? OK. [drives up to the woman each time as she approaches closer to the Kmart] Excuse me! Excuse me! I said I was waiting for this spot, lady.
Woman: [tauntingly] Well, it's my spot now, grandma.
Madea: Lady… Lady, look here… Lady. Lady, lemme explain some… Lady, lemme explain something! Lady, lemme explain something!
Woman: Are you gonna follow me into the store? [enters the store]
Madea: Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy. She's gonna make me tear the K and the B offa this Kmart. I need to back up. [backs her car up] I oughta run into her. Lord, help me. I don't wanna get in no trouble, Lord. Help me, Jesus! Help me, Lord! You know I'm ready to drive straight through this glass. That's right. I'm gonna beat her ass. [spots a crane-like forklift at a construction site beside the store. With a devious smile, she gets an idea]
[Inside the store, the woman looks through different clothes on a rack. She notices something, and her eyes widen as she gasps. She runs outside to see her car on the counterweight of the forklift, driven by Madea as other people gather behind her to watch. She screams]
Woman: [to Madea] Are you insane?!
Madea: Didn't I told you that was my parking spot, and you were gonna jump in front of me, and take my damn parking spot?
Woman: Are you insane?! Put my car down!
Madea: OK, I'm gonna put it down for you.
Woman: Old woman, put my car down!
Madea: [short pause] OK.
[The forklift's counterweight tips down, and the woman's car lands hard on the ground, landing upside-down on its top. Everyone, including the woman, with the latter in shock, flinch as they watch. Madea laughs as she gets out of the forklift. The woman screams, then grunts angrily as she pulls out a phone from her purse, and makes a call]
Woman: My husband is a police officer, and he's on his way right now!
Madea: I ain't scared of no po-po! Call the po-po, ho! Call the po-po! [barrellrolls across the hood of her car]
Woman: [on the phone] Honey, this woman… This… This Jemima the Hutt… [screaming voice] She ruined my car!!
Madea: Well, I better get the hell outta here. If he wants me, he better come to my house to get me! [gets into her car]
Woman: [to Madea] He will! [on the phone] Get over here now! The Kmart!
[Madea drives away from the Kmart in her car]
Brown: You look bad. You look like you've been doing hard time.
Madea: [smokes] If you come up to me, I'ma cut 'er.
Cora: You did?
Madea: Yeah. That's what I did. They got womens up here with danglers, and I cut her right off.

Cast

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