Magnum, P.I.

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Tom Selleck, filming a scene for MAGNUM P.I. in April 1984 at the Kahala Hilton Hotel in Hawaii. The woman standing next to him, in striped dress, is Sharon Stone, who was guest starring on the show that week.

Magnum, P.I. (19801988) was an American television show, airing on CBS, that followed the adventures of Thomas Magnum (played by Tom Selleck), a private investigator living in Hawaii.


Season 1[edit]

Don't Eat the Snow in Hawaii [1.01][edit]

Higgins: Don't ruin my whiskey with ice! I'm not a bloody American!

Magnum: Higgins, you yo-yo!

Don't Eat the Snow in Hawaii (Part II) [1.02][edit]

[Alice asks Thomas about his days serving in the Navy]
Alice Cook: Why did you quit, Tom?
Magnum: It was nothing earth-shattering. One day I woke up age 33, and realized I'd never been 23.

China Doll [1.03][edit]

Higgins: You have to get into the safe first, Magnum.
Magnum: [wiggles eyebrows] I know.

Thank Heaven for Little Girls and Big Ones Too [1.04][edit]

Magnum: [narrates] So far this case had cost me my right to the wine cellar, the last cash in my pocket, and nearly my life. If that clerk was lying to me, I was gonna come back down here and shove that Robin Masters paperback in his ear!

Magnum: I'm not an intruder, I'm a guest!
Higgins: Guests eventually leave.

No Need to Know [1.05][edit]

Skin Deep [1.06][edit]

Karen Wolfe: [to Magnum] So, a woman can’t go out like a man, huh? She takes pills. Swims out to sea or slits her wrists, but she ain’t got the guts to blotto the old face, isn’t that what you said Tony, huh? Here’s one woman who’s going to take it right between the big blues, just to show you how smart you really are.

J.J. Stein: I told him. I told that lousy writer that that scene was sick. I didn't even enjoy reading it. No. He insisted we keep it in. Damn writers.

Never Again... Never Again [1.07][edit]

Higgins: Magnum, feed the lads, would you? There are steaks in the freezer. [Magnum makes an excited face] Very well, you can have one too.

The Ugliest Dog in Hawaii [1.08][edit]

Higgins: Stop. Whatever you are doing, stop it.
T.C.: Hi, Higgins.
Higgins: Don't "Hi, Higgins" me. Just get you and your juvenile delinquents out of here.

Magnum: [narrates] There are times when one human being really shouldn't take advantage of another... but this wasn't one of them.

T.C.: [Pulls Magnum out of trouble and a bullet cracks the windshield] Some things never change.

Missing in Action [1.09][edit]

T.C.: Whoa! What's with this Abbott and Costello routine, 'You owe me 50, I'll loan you 10'? Forget it!
Magnum: Oh, okay! Thanks, I owe you one! [speeds off in the Ferrari]

T.C.: [Looks at the screen] Did it ever occur to you that boy can not count past one?

Lest We Forget [1.10][edit]

[Higgins is being nice to Magnum because he wants him to play bridge with him]
Higgins: Put Magnum's bill on my tab. [bartender looks very surprised, hands up in the air in defense]
Bartender: I always do.
[Higgins is trying not to get angry at Magnum]
Higgins: Tomorrow at three?
Magnum: I'll try.

The Curse of the King Kamehameha Club [1.11][edit]

Thicker than Blood [1.12][edit]

All Roads Lead to Floyd [1.13][edit]

Magnum: I'm trying to tie up the loose ends, Floyd, you know, like those TV detectives.

Magnum: [after Higgins' dogs each deliver a note to his door] First note was from Cindy. She said Higgins was going to the club, and she'd asked if she could tag along. She hoped I didn't mind. And then she thanked me again for helping her, and told me I was wonderful. The second note was from Higgins. I really can't repeat what he said. Let me put it this way –- he didn't think I was wonderful.

Adelaide [1.14][edit]

Don't Say Goodbye [1.15][edit]

The Black Orchid [1.16][edit]

Magnum: [narrates] I know what you're thinking. After the phoney beach attack, I should have said goodbye to Louise. But you know something, I was starting to have a good time. Maybe she wasn't the only one who had fantasies about famous detectives who are heroes.

J. "Digger" Doyle [1.17][edit]

[A kid drops off Higgins' resignation and the car]
Magnum: Did he tip you?
Kid: $20.
Rick: That's not Higgins, Thomas.

Beauty Knows No Pain [1.18][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] Hawaii's like every sensual woman I've ever known. She can have raging, violent bursts of temper, followed by incredible calm and peacefulness. Today was one of those days of true serenity, when even the great tourist wave seems to recede. I mean, I couldn't believe the stillness.

Season 2[edit]

Billy Joe Bob [2.01][edit]

Higgins: As you may have noticed, I've fired the groundskeeper. Until I can find a successor, I'd like you to assume some of the responsibilities.
Magnum: But Higgins, I don't know the first thing about gardening!
Higgins: I assure you, the kind of work I had in mind requires no intelligence what so ever.
Magnum: Like what?
Higgins: Like distributing 1500 lbs. of recycled vegetation that was delivered this morning.
Magnum: Recycled vegetation!? What do you mean 'recycled vegetation'? Recycled how?
Higgins: [smiles] Through a cow.

Dead Man's Channel [2.02][edit]

Rick: You better be right, sweetheart.
Magnum: Come on, when have I ever been wrong?
Rick: I can't count that high.

Magnum: This was one of those days I wish I'd listened to my mother and studied to be an orthodontist. Looking into someone's mouth has gotta be better than staring death in the face.

The Woman on the Beach [2.03][edit]

Higgins: After the war, the Cliffords suffered some sort of a disgrace. They were ostracized from society. I don't imagine you'd understand that sort of thing, would you, Magnum? On the other hand, perhaps you would.

Magnum: [narrating] If I believed in ghosts, I'm sure I'd be frightened by now, but, since I didn't, the pounding in my chest must have been due to exertion.

Magnum: [narrating] If any place looked like it should be haunted, it was the old Clifford Estate. The overgrowth and the cobwebs were all legit. Not that I was scared; but I did make a point of going in the daytime.

From Moscow to Maui [2.04][edit]

T.C.: Um, T.M., did you come up with this plan all by your lonesome?
Magnum: Yeah. What's the matter?
T.C.: I don't know. Well, I don't know yet. I just keep remembering the plan you had to get all the POW's out of Cambodia.
Magnum: T.C., there is no comparison between that plan and this one.
T.C.: I hope not. I don't need any more scars.

Magnum: [to Yuri] Remember I told you I didn't like getting egg on my face? Well, right now, I'm wearing a whole omelet.

Memories Are Forever [2.05][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] Dreams are supposed to represent your subconscious wishes and conflicts. It's sort of a private movie you write, produce and direct. Only you can't hide your eyes in your dreams, even when they are scaring you to death.

Memories Are Forever (Part II) [2.06][edit]

Tropical Madness [2.07][edit]

Higgins: [To Rick] A formal complaint has been lodged with you in regarding both unbecoming behavior and flagrant violations of the club's dress code.
Magnum: Oh come on Higgins, I'm clean. I'm on the beach.
Higgins: It's interesting how the guilty party defends himself, even before he's been accused.
Rick: Oh, Thomas is usually accused before there's a complaint...That came out wrong, didn't it?

Wave Goodbye [2.08][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] One of the clichés of my profession is that to get information from a bartender you have to slip him some bills of various denominations; Bills that you can't afford, with pictures of unfamiliar presidents. And usually for information that isn't worth it. However, this was a special case and I wasn't in the mood for games.

Magnum: [narrating] Another cliché about getting information from bartenders is that no matter how sincere they sound, you know as soon as you're out the door, they're on the phone warning the guy you want to see. And this guy didn't strike me as being particularly different.

Magnum: [narrating] The death of a friend's never an easy thing to take, not in a rice paddy or on a pretty beach on Oahu. Either way, when they're young, it never makes sense.

Magnum: [narrating] Hawaii is one of those places that, keeps topping itself. Just when you think you'll never see another sunset as beautiful, there comes a sunrise that only Gauguin could imagine. It kind of makes unemployment easier to take.

Mad Buck Gibson [2.09][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] You know, there's some quotations that would make good rules to live by, for instance "never drive behind an old man wearing a hat", or another, "it's always brightest just before the storm". If I'd have remembered that one, I'd have really been on my guard, because the afternoon it all started, was a truly beautiful day.

Magnum: [during the chase of Mad Buck, who is joy-riding in the Ferrari] I was looking at several very grim possibilities involving the destruction of Buck, the Ferrari, innocent by-standers, and any combination thereof.

The Taking of Dick McWilliams [2.10][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] Rule one in kidnapping cases: always call the Police. Rule two in kidnapping cases: never call the Police. The truth is you flip a coin and take your chances...

T.C.: You expect me to hop over all 13 of these islands?
Magnum: That's the name of your service, isn't it? Island Hoppers.
T.C.: Yeah, I'm thinking about changing it to Magnum's Taxi Service!

Magnum: [about Rick's black eye] So who was it Rick?
Rick: D'you think it needs more wine?
Magnum: Rick, come on, who was it?
Rick: Catherine.
Magnum: ...Catherine who?
Rick: [desperately trying to change the subject] T.C., what about the peppers?
Magnum: Rick!
Rick: I don't know, they don't have a last name.
T.C.: Who doesn't have a last name?
Rick: [long pause]: Nuns.
[T.C. and Magnum burst out laughing]
Rick: W-well what's so funny?!
T.C.: You mean to tell me, a NUN gave you that shiner?
Rick: She thought I was trying to steal her car!
[T.C. and Magnum laugh even harder]
Rick: Hey, she was a big Nun!

The Sixth Position [2.11][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] If this had been a regular hire, I would have told "Ms." Chase where to stick her toe shoe, but, since it came through Robin, I had to take a deep breath, count to ten, and remember my blessings.

Rick: I just put you on a case, Sherlock.
Magnum: You can't do that. I'm already on a case.
Rick: Yeah, well now you're on two. And boy, are you gonna thank me.
Magnum: Boy, am I gonna kill you.

Ghost Writer [2.12][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] I was running late; I'd taken too much time getting dressed; and that's a bad sign – instead of worrying about the job I was going to do for my client, my mind was taken up with picking exactly the right tie; as if it matters.
Virginia Fowler: I like that tie.
[Magnum turns and smiles to camera]

Magnum: I was a Naval intelligence.
Virginia Fowler: Oh. You don't seem like the type. The Navy, I mean, not the intelligence.
Magnum: I know what you mean.
Virginia Fowler: You were in the Navy.
Magnum: Yes, I was in the Navy. Uhh... career man, Navy all the way.
Virginia Fowler: What happened?
Magnum: I started asking myself a lot of questions.
Virginia Fowler: And?
Magnum: I'm still asking.

Rick: Alright, I'll do the favor; But let's get one thing straight – I'm not gonna put on ANY dumb disguise, I'm not playing garbage men, delivery men, sewer men, any other kind of men, is that… that's final now, right?
Magnum: Of course.
[Cut to next scene, where Rick is dressed as a bakery delivery man]

The Jororo Kill [2.13][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] Kate had been a wire service reporter working out of Saigon, when she came to do a story on our team. She was an idealist; not naive, but still an idealist. She wanted to write the truth. And if a truth happened to be location in a free-fire zone, or if the truth wasn't exactly what she thought it would be going in, well she'd write it anyway. That's the Kate we all fell for. And when she got wounded, it was a buddy getting hit.

Magnum: [narrating] Nuns don't work on Sunday.

Computer Date [2.14][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] Normally, the chance to make Higgins sweat would have seemed like a lot of fun. Today, it barely raised a smile.

Rick: [to Magnum] This is a private club. Unless you've got membership money pal, I suggest you leave, and leave now.

Try to Remember [2.15][edit]

Higgins: He drove Robin's Ferrari over a cliff?
T.C.: Well, I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose!
Higgins: One can never be sure with Magnum. Well, he'd better survive if he knows what's good for him.

Italian Ice [2.16][edit]

Margo: [on seeing T.C.'s helicopter fly past the Estate] Who's that?
Magnum: Oh, that is a buddy of mine, and he sometimes flies tourists over the Estate to see what famous person might be sun-bathing naked on the beach.
Margo: Well I'm not famous or naked.
Magnum: You will be... [pauses] famous.

One More Summer [2.17][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] Even in the Hawaiian sunshine, football, to me, smelt like fall in New England. Some place there should be a prep band playing, pretty girls in short skirts, and I was 21 with an arm that could throw passes all afternoon.

Higgins: [after Magnum has moved out of the guest house] Isn't it glorious, lads? I find the silence and serenity sublime. ...No screeching of tires past my window in the early morning hours ...No strange sounds emanating from the guest house ...No more sordid and tawdry guests ...No more abuse of private property ...No more Magnum.

Higgins: [seeing Magnum wearing an old football helmet] Even for you, I find this evening's attire most bizarre. A rough divorce case pending?
Magnum: Higgins—
Higgins: Or is it some exotic fantasy you engage in after the sun goes down. "Win one for the dipper," something or other.
Magnum: Gipper!
Higgins: What?
Magnum: It is Gipper, not dipper!

Texas Lightning [2.18][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] Life on the islands has an irresistible rhythm; Days merging together like waves on the beach, that's why I never understood why people get excited over artificial events. For example, a birthday should be a private time, with maybe a run on the beach to celebrate, not the big, embarrassing fuss a person's friends always make over it. I should know because it was my birthday, and I knew Rick and T.C. would be planning something special. What I didn't know was that the day would be one of the biggest disasters of my life.

Higgins: [philosophizing about Magnum's potential death] I know, however desolated I would be, I would also experience a certain catharsis that is singularly missing.
T.C.: Ahh... run that by me again, Higgi-baby. Only this time in English.

Higgins: [about Magnum's plan to join a high stakes poker game] It's Higgin's law, if you will: Opportunity plus Magnum equals financial disaster. Inevitably the disaster befalls an innocent bystander.

Double Jeopardy [2.19][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] Even on the red-eye it's wonderful flying into Honolulu for a vacation in paradise. But, it's not nearly so wonderful when you're a Private Investigator who's just spent two weeks in Bakersfield on a case and been stiffed by your client. And it's even worse when your ride from the airport didn't show up, and the cab driver's listening to the Orange Blossom Special.

Mert: Higgins, the dogs are supposed to attack the Sushi Brothers, not Magnum.
Higgins: Sorry, force of habit. It won't happen again.

The Last Page [2.20][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] The case had started off easier than I had expected. However, my first lead was hardly the place I wanted to find Taylor's girlfriend. You couldn't even trust the beer in a joint like that

The Elmo Ziller Story [2.21][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] Every day in the topics is part illusion; Rain clouds are actually rainbows ... the perfect wave breaks into a riptide ... conviction of immortality grows out of the endless summer. What I should have remembered is that illusion is always dangerous. But, on a perfect morning on the beach, who could remember fate?

Magnum: Howdy, partner. You just ride into town?
Elmo Ziller: Somebody told me you was a pretty good detective.
Magnum: Terrific. I ain't had a rustlin' case all year.

Three Minus Two [2.22][edit]

T.C.: [to Magnum] I knew this investigative business was easy, else you wouldn't be in it.

Season 3[edit]

Did You See the Sunrise? [3.01][edit]

Higgins: [to Magnum] There’s some tea on the table, and some scones. You might try the strawberry jam too, it’s really quite good. An old comrade from the Burma campaign sent it to me -- Tanky Moran. Got his name when he single-handedly took on a Japanese tank and knocked it out. [pause] Now he’s selling jam in Devonshire.

Mac: Look, why don’t we just tell him?
Col. Greene: He’s a civilian, this is a military operation. Besides, I learned a long time ago that if you tell Magnum what’s going on, you’re liable to end up with egg foo yung on your face ... and you know how I hate Chinese food.

Did You See the Sunrise? (Part II) [3.02][edit]

Magnum: Did T.C. show up?
Higgins: No. But Rick called. I do wish you'd get an answering service.
Magnum: I have one.
Higgins: My point exactly.

Ivan: I have plane to catch. If you are going to shoot me, do it now.
[Magnum stands emotionally torn]:
Ivan: [smiling] You won't. You can't. I know you Thomas, I had you for three months at Duc Hua. I know you better than your mother. Your sense of... honor and fair play. Oh, you could shoot me. If I was armed and coming after you. But like this? Thomas... never. Goodbye Thomas. Dasvidanya.
[Ivan walks past an unmoving Magnum]:
Magnum: Ivan?
Ivan: [turning back] Yes?
Magnum: Did you see the sunrise this morning?
Ivan: Yes, why?
[Magnum calmly turns and shoots him in the head]

Ki'is Don't Lie [3.03][edit]

Higgins: Sometimes you amaze me, Magnum, truly. Your intuitive grasp of human nature is
Magnum: Perceptive?
Higgins: Pre-adolescent.

The Eighth Part of the Village [3.04][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] Fate has a nasty way of popping up and waving it's long, bony finger under your nose. Sometimes it's a squeaker at 70 miles an hour; Sometimes it's a plane you missed that never makes it back from the Bermuda Triangle; But whatever it is, you always get the message: it's time to stop taking your good luck for granted.

Magnum: Make me a list of the favors I owe you and I'll take care of them.
Higgins: I already have a list. What I don't have is a reason to believe you.

Past Tense [3.05][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] This morning in paradise was not much better than the one yesterday. In other words – it was perfect. And morning in paradise is the perfect time of day. A quiet run, then a swim; it's a time you're truly alone; a time when you're allowed to fully appreciate the rhythms of living. Besides, Higgins was going to be gone all day, and that made me appreciate the rhythms of living, even more.

Black on White [3.06][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] Living alone has some terrific advantages, you can eat, sleep, go in and out, and burp whenever you want. It also has one terrific disadvantage – when you lose something, you've got no one to blame but yourself.

Flashback [3.07][edit]

Magnum: Higgins! Higgins! What the hell did you do to my house?!
Higgins: Magnum, old stick, isn't your attire a trifle bizarre, even for you? Even for breakfast?
Magnum: [looks at what he is wearing] My underwear! What happened to my underwear?!
Higgins: Probably another lost and sordid night with a chorus girl from the Kit Kat Club. Please stand down wind, I'm sure you simply reek of cheap rye whiskey!
Magnum: What is this?! What kind of practical joke are you trying to pull?!
Higgins: I? I crazed? My dear fellow, it is not I ranting the lawn in my BVDs! Now I suggest a shower and a pot of black coffee.
Magnum: Okay, Okay! Enough's enough. Oh, I can take a joke. See...I'm smiling, like a good sport.
Higgins: Magnum, in less than 25 minutes the other members of my croquet club will arrive for practice and brunch. This is our last opportunity for strategy and tactics...
Magnum: Croquet?!! You short sheet my whole house and you wanna talk about croquet?!!
Higgins: Well, what with the frightful unemployment with the Depression, despite the commendable efforts of your President Roosevelt...
Magnum: Oh, sure, Higgins! Good ol' FDR! I'm right with ya!
Higgins: The chaps decided that Polo was a bit ostentatious, so we've returned to more Proletariat pursuits. Everybody's going to shoulder more...
Magnum: Enough...Enough!...Enough!!! This is not funny. Okay, okay, you croquet your hearts out, but hear this ultimatum-Immediately! Immediately!! I want my furniture, my phone, and my shorts...!!! ...Back!!!

Magnum: I'm a peach of a detective.
T.C.: [To Rick]I can't believe you bought that. He ain't that good.

Foiled Again [3.08][edit]

Magnum: [referring to Higgins' school day beanie] Higgins, you wore this?
Higgins: With pride.
Magnum: Put it on.
Higgins: What?
Magnum: I know you´re dying to see how it looks.
Higgins: No.
Magnum: OK. I need help with my tie.
Higgins: Magnum, you borrowed my tie?
Magnum: I thought it went with my outfit.
Higgins: None of my things go with yours. And for Pete's sake, a grown man who can't tie his own tie?
Magnum: I want a Double Windsor.
Higgins: Alright. Go over, and over again, and over again.
Magnum: [runs out the door] Thanks Higgins.
[Higgins puts on the beanie]
Magnum: [Sticks head in the doorway and laughs]

Mr. White Death [3.09][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] I remember when I was five years old, I found this little puppy in the street. It had been hit by a car and was in pretty bad shape, so, I brought it home and my dad and I took it to the vet. One hundred twenty bucks. The little puppy grew into a big Saint Bernard; it ate a five hundred dollar couch and my dad's favorite arm-chair. The next day, my dad put it in the back yard, where it dug under the fence and ran away. Ever since then, I've been wary about taking in big, adorable pups, one of life's lessons you just have to keep learning over, and over again.

Magnum:(Discovering Higgins' old war nickname) Punky?!

Mixed Doubles [3.10][edit]

Magnum: [after failing to hit the serve over the net] I'm sorry Rick. I'm a little rusty on the serve. I just gotta get it up a little more, but when I do, it'll be a monster.
T.C.: Not with that follow through.
Magnum: What's wrong with it?
T.C.: You need more extension.
Magnum: I do?
T.C.: Mmm-Hmm
Rick: Try and keep this one on the court will you? We're running out of balls!
Magnum: OK, this one will be in Rick, I promise. I will be just perfect. [starts his serve]
Higgins: Magnum! [Magnum sends the ball straight over the fence]

Magnum: [angry at being paired with Carrie Reardon] I knew it! That's why you paired me with her! To be her babysitter!
Higgins: Call it what you may, I didn't do it, Mr Masters did. Free Rent. Red Ferrari. [Magnum goes quiet] I thought that'd silence you.

T.C.: Somewhere, somehow, I'm going to get you for this. Higgie baby, I can't wait until this is over.
Higgins: T.C., baby, it ain't over until it's over.

Almost Home [3.11][edit]

Magnum: You had breakfast?
Bridget: Are you kidding? I haven't eaten anything decent since Cleveland. Except maybe a moldy bear claw.
Magnum: I think I can do better than that.
Higgins: Don't bet on it.

Rick: [after being dazzled by Bridget's skills with gambling odds] I think I'm in love.
T.C.: [checks watch] Ten minutes to ten, I wondered how long it'd take you to fall in love today.

Heal Thyself [3.12][edit]

Higgins: Dr. Harmon, any of us who have experienced the horrors of war have them indelibly printed on our minds. But that's the only place they exist. The war is over.
Dr. Harmon: Maybe it's never over. Maybe we always carry the war around inside of us. Like a time bomb, ticking away, waiting to go off.

Of Sound Mind [3.13][edit]

[Magnum is "playing" the saxophone]
Higgins: Magnum....Magnum!.....Magnum!!
Magnum: Hi, Higgins!
Higgins: How fiendishly deceptive of you Magnum. I could have sworn I was hearing the emasculation of a large rodent. To my great surprise, I see the sounds are emanating from what I thought was a harmless musical instrument.
Magnum: Cute Higgins, real cute. [Magnum resumes playing saxophone badly]
Higgins: Why Magnum? Why do this terrible thing?
Magnum: Higgins, I'll have you know I used to be very good. I was the second best sax player in my High School band.
Higgins: Well how many sax players were there?!
Magnum: ...Anyway, I just saw this in a pawn shop window and thought I'd like to try and get my chops back.
Higgins: May I suggest that your "chops" are irretrievable.

Rick: I saw in this movie once where they bumped off this guy for his money. They took a lawn mower, an electric lawn mower, and threw it right in the bathtub. Bzzzzzzzzzz! It fried him just like that! You better take showers.
Magnum: Guys!
T.C.: Come to think of it, you better stay out of the kitchen too, all sorts of things can happen in there - Gas, poisoning, garbage disposals.
Magnum: Garbage disposals??

The Arrow That is Not Aimed [3.14][edit]

Magnum: [as Higgins draws his sword] You know what they say about Samurai swords - you unsheath them, you gotta draw blood.
Higgins: I know!

Higgins: Magnum, you never cease to amaze me. I must know how you arrived at this remarkably astute conclusion with your limited knowledge of art.
Magnum: Would you believe me if I told you it came to me in a dream?
Higgins: Yes, because your conscious mind certainly isn't capable of such superior detective work.

Basket Case [3.15][edit]

Birdman of Budapest [3.16][edit]

Higgins: I've taken all the verbal insults I intend to from you.
Elizabeth Barrett: You're right. It's time I got physical.
Magnum: Wait a minute. Let's not get carried away here.
Elizabeth Barrett: I won't, but he will.

Higgins: Why are you here scrambling eggs...
Magnum: They're not scrambled, they're over easy.
Higgins: ...instead of out looking for Tessa.
Magnum: I found him.
Higgins: You found him?
Magnum: Yes, I found him.
Higgins: You must take Elizabeth there at once.
Magnum: Higgins, he threatened to kill me.
Higgins: To make an omelet, one must crack a few eggs.

I Do? [3.17][edit]

Forty Years From Sand Island [3.18][edit]

Legacy From a Friend [3.19][edit]

Magnum: [narrates] When I write my book on how to be a world class private investigator, I'm going to include a chapter on listening to your little voice. Everybody has one, and mine was saying to stop Marcus and find out the real story behind his new car. Of course I didn't, which is another chapter, things I should have done, but didn't...

Magnum: Higgins, there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that you can tell Robin that he doesn't already know - that we havn't laughed about together.
Higgins: The potato chip heiress from Buffalo who filled the tidal pool with...
Magnum: A little misunderstanding, Higgins. After it was drained...
Higgins: And then there is the Romanian mime troop who...
Magnum: You...You're not going to bring that up. I mean, you were there when the paramedics arrived! You know!
Higgins: I will take note of the panic in your voice and those guilt-crazed eyes as a scent to my favor, albeit with the slightest reluctance.
Magnum: Wait a minute! This isn't a favor, this is extortion and blackmail!

Two Birds of a Feather [3.20][edit]

...By Its Cover [3.21][edit]

The Big Blow [3.22][edit]

Faith and Begorrah [3.23][edit]

Season 4[edit]

Home from the Sea [4.1][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] I've always felt at home on the ocean, even as a kid. Maybe that's why I spend so much time alone on it, even on the 4th of July. I know, the Fourth should be spent with your buddies drinking beer, or eating hot dogs at the ballpark, or hoping into a potato sack race with your best girl, or barbequing in the back yard with your folks. Maybe for most Americans, but for me it's been a day to spend alone, to remember. So, here I was all alone on the ocean starting my annual Independence Day remembrance. At least I wouldn't get my fingers blown off by a cherry bomb.

[Magnum warily watches as a shark circles him]
Magnum: [narrating] I once had one follow me on my surf ski. He just hung a few meters off my rudder. I know I set a personal speed record getting back to shore that day.

Naval Officer: To most Americans, this Fourth of July is a day of picnics and fireworks, of ball games and potato sack races, of political speeches and parades. But to us, the friends and family of Lieutenant Thomas Magnum Senior, this Fourth of July 1951 will always be remembered as the day he came home from the sea. God Bless and keep his wife and son.

Luther Gillis: File #521 [4.2][edit]

Smaller than Life [4.3][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] My dad once told me that life is a trick done with mirrors. You look at something from one direction, it looks like one thing; you turn it over, it looks like something else. I guess he was right. Sometimes it's hard to tell who's a real friend, and who's just an illusion in glass.

Distant Relative [4.4.][edit]

Limited Engagement [4.5][edit]

Letter to a Duchess [4.6][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] Sure, I know, it's crazy to refer to whatever Higgins and I share as friendship, but it is. We fight and bicker like an old married couple, but somewhere, mixed in with the jibes, is a funny kind of mutual trust.

Higgins: For a moment, I failed to remember that the ways of a gentleman are patently foreign to you. I revere words like honor, integrity, chivalry -- words that are clearly not in your vocabulary.
Magnum: Higgins, enough! Knocking my rubber chicken or my sloppy habits is within the rules, but you're attacking my character. I would like to think you don't mean that.
Higgins: Yes, I'm sorry. It's just that you can't know what it's like to care deeply for someone and have your hope taken.
Magnum: Yes, I can.

Squeeze Play [4.7][edit]

Higgins: You know lads, I sometimes view myself as a later-day Job, constantly being tested by our Creator. How else could I possibly justify four major wars, dozens of minor conflicts, seven natural disasters, and...
Magnum: Aha! Double play Tigers!
Higgins: ...Him.

Rick: Come on, T.C., a lizard could have caught that. I've seen better hands on my mother!
T.C.: Well, maybe you oughta bring your momma out here. At least she is a girl; you just pitch like one!

[Higgins finds camera lens cap... without camera or lens]
Higgins: Oh my god. Where is it?
Magnum: [acting innocent] Where's what?
Higgins: The 110mm lens this cap should be covering.
Magnum: Higgins, I can explain.
Higgins: I am utterly sick and tired of those four pathetic words "Higgins I can explain".

A Sense of Debt [4.8][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] When you spend your every working day basking in the balmy breezes of paradise, when you play year round on the beautiful sunny beaches of the Pacific, where do you dream of going on a vacation? The answer is obvious: Detroit. Reason one: Detroit's a fun city. Reason two: There's a superior group of athletes there known as the Tigers! Reason three:
T.C.: A free trip? You think you're going to get a free trip to Detroit on my tab Thomas?
Magnum: T.C., I'm doing you a favor.

T.C.: And Robin Master's little red wagon for the whole entire time that you're gone. Sorry Thomas, but I need wheels and I'm having problems with the van.
Magnum: What's wrong with it?
T.C.: It's not a Ferrari.

Higgins: [to T.C.] You ran through a pen, striking Mr. Platt, who was chasing a pig. It's so... Magnum-esque. The body has departed, but the spirit has remained behind to haunt me. Why?

The Look [4.9][edit]

Ralph: Mr. Magnum, thanks for the invite. This English ale's got the kick of a Molokai mule. And any time you wanna break into a place I'm guarding ... open sesame!

Operation: Silent Night [4.10][edit]

Higgins: I, of course, have spent many a Christmas away from home and family. More times than I care to remember, in more places than I care to remember; Forgotten battlefields, and sometimes even forgotten wars. I think being at war, makes Christmas all the more bittersweet - peace on earth, and goodwill to all men, and all that.

Magnum: Rick, there's a bug in your hair.
Rick: Yeah, right.
T.C.: No, really, Rick, there's a praying mantis.
Rick: [mimicks]"Rick, there's a bug in your pocket," "Rick, there's a centipede," "Rick, there's a lizard." Well, I'm not buyin' it! [Rick walks off]
[Rick screams]

Rick: You know, Higgins, there's something that I always wanted to tell you. I mean, deep down, you're really an okay guy.
Higgins: How reassuring.

T.C.: [after Magnum and Rick complain about his piloting] You get what you pay for, and none of you paid!
Rick: Where is your holiday spirit?
T.C.: Back home in New Orleans, which is where I'm gonna be as soon as Captain Calvin's Charity Chopper dumps all you freeloaders off!

Jororo Farewell [4.11][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] In my dad's day it was pool halls. Me? I sometimes hung out in pinball arcades. And these days a lot of kids lose themselves in computer explosions of lights and sounds. But whatever your game, you could always count on one thing in places like these; you could, in the space of a couple of hours, temporarily escape the problems of the outside world.

The Case of the Red Faced Thespian [4.12][edit]

[Magnum is at a fancy dress party in his normal trademark look]
Marge: Great costume!
Magnum: Oh, this isn't a costume.
Nolan: Really?! You wear that shirt in public?

Higgins: Magnum, I'm very busy placating the guests. Now, will you please send Rick and T.C., away and assume the character of a reasonably competent security person? Only you and I will know you're acting.

No More Mr. Nice Guy [4.13][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] In that Army–Navy game, where I went 21-30, one of the passes I missed was intercepted. The fastest man on the Army team caught it, and he got past everybody, until I was the only guy left who had a chance to catch him. The guy was faster than me, and I knew it, but I wasn't going to get beat by my own mistake.

Higgins: Magnum, stop living in the past.
Magnum: Me? Me?! Higgins, you've enshrined yours. You quote every boring war story like it was carved in stone.
Higgins: Boring?
Rick: Don't worry, Higgins, I like your stories.
T.C.: Yeah, me too.
Higgins: I do think I tell them with a certain panache.

Rembrandt's Girl [4.14][edit]

Paradise Blues [4.15][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] Ms. Wagner, my 11th grade English teacher, created a scandal in my hometown when she put All the King's Men on our mandatory reading list. She said she wanted us to understand the fatal attraction some men have for the very thing that will destroy them. Her love for the book got her fired and I never quite understood the attraction she was talking about, until the first day I saw Alex Carter and the way T.C. was looking at her.

The Return of Luther Gillis [4.16][edit]

Magnum: Higgins, I can explain.
Higgins: I knew I could count on hearing that pathetic phrase once again, it is as regular as the rising and setting of the-
Magnum: Do you wanna know why or not?
Higgins: Not.

Magnum: This was done by dot matrix.
Luther: Who's Dot Matrix, and what's she got to do with this?
Magnum: She's a computer, Luther!

Luther: [narrating] I was beginning to get the feeling that I was stuck with the big guy for the duration. The only thing more depressing than that was this case, because we'd run out of leads. You try being a detective with no leads. It's like a tailor without a needle, or Godzilla without Tokyo, or...
Magnum: [narrating] A bad guy without a motive.
Luther: Did you say something?
Magnum: What?...Nope.

Let the Punishment Fit the Crime [4.17][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] Once, when I was a kid, three older guys decided to beat me up for no apparent reason. I held my own until a fourth showed up. And from that day on, I vowed that three was my limit, particularly when I didn't know what I was fighting about.

Holmes Is Where the Heart Is [4.18][edit]

On Face Value [4.19][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] One of the best things about living in paradise is that when you get a couple of days off, you don't have to go someplace else to have fun and relax. Instead, you can concentrate on some of the finer things in life, like art. It comes in many shapes and forms and textures. You can find it anywhere, even in the sand. No matter how old or young you are, there's an incredible feeling of pride when you create something with your own two hands.

Magnum: When I write my book on being a first class private investigator, Rule Number 168 is going to be: "If you're getting chased, you should be in a fast car". Postscript to Rule 168: "No matter how fast your car is, there can always be one that's faster".

Dream a Little Dream [4.20][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] It's kind of funny how the years can sometimes creep by on you, two or three at a time, and nothing much changes. You're in a routine, and all that you really get is a little older, until whammo! -- you get a big three hundred and sixty-five that sometimes sets you right on your ear, changes everything. I guess 1979 was that kind of year for me. I resigned from the Navy, and I became a private investigator. Of course, that's a big over-simplification. Actually, there was a little more to it than that. There was Karen Teal, for example. The best woman surfer of 1979, and '8, and '7, and '6. Karen was the best. She always won, no matter who she went up against, and I really think it was that way because her love for life brought out the best in her. I know that because a long time ago, Karen Teal brought out the best in me. It seemed like only yesterday.

I Witness [4.21]][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] Hawaiian sunsets are among the most breathtakingly beautiful in the world. Grandly vibrant, uniquely different every day, they paint a palette with boundaries that stop only at the horizons of one's imagination. However, when the sun goes down, it looks the same all over the world. Whether you're in Milwaukee or Maui, it's dark.

Season 5[edit]

Echoes of the Mind [5.01][edit]

Higgins: Lady Ashley, you look positively smashing, especially for a woman your age.

Echoes of the Mind (Part II) [5.02][edit]

Mac's Back [5.03][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] After three days of surveillance, I was familiar with the rhythm of the street. At nine in the morning, those about to be sacrificed to the Hawaiian gods of sun, sea, and sand were making their ritualistic trek to the beach. I knew from experience that very few would return with their skin. At noon, the late risers and the serious souvenir hunters were prowling about, snatching up bargain buys on plastic hula skirts and cheap coral beads. At three-fifteen I got my afternoon treat. I called her Olga, for obvious reasons. The cops are pretty good about keeping hookers off the street during the day, but, I guess when you're as big as Olga, you can work any time you want. By sunset the last of the lobsters were returning from the beach, which meant my day was nearly over and all I had to show for it was a sore butt, and a case of heartburn.

Higgins: If you're going to drink yourself into a stupor, wouldn't whiskey be more effective?
Magnum: Too hard to keep an even buzz on with whiskey.

Higgins: The two of you are as nervous as a pair of Devonshire schoolgirls.
T.C.: And you're not?
Higgins: No.
T.C.: Then why have you been sipping tea from an empty cup for the last half-hour?

Magnum: What happened to 'I'll take the guys on my side'?
Jim Bonnick: There weren't any guys on my side.

The Legacy of Garwood Huddle [5.04][edit]

Under World [5.05][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] I get these feelings... I guess a... I call them my "little voice". I know that sounds dumb, but it's like an early warning system, or a conscience. Or maybe, it's just a way of communicating to myself how I really feel about something deep down. I think we all have something like that. I think we communicate those deep down feelings with others that we care about and it's not just by talking about it. This doesn't make any sense, I'm sorry. I guess what I mean is if there's a real connection with somebody you care about ultimately they hear you and that's why I think T.C.'s gonna hear us.

Fragments [5.06][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] I've always loved John O'Hara's story of the servant who saw death coming towards him in a Baghdad marketplace. So he fled to Samarra only to learn that it was there that death had an appointment with him. Laura felt I had an appointment in Samarra. I had to find out if she was right.

Magnum: Higgins, we are talking about saving my life.
Higgins: What is that, compared to saving an entire species?
Magnum: Of worms?!
Higgins: I rest my case.

Blind Justice [5.07][edit]

Higgins: This morning I came to a startling and horrifying realization. Since your arrival at Robin's Nest, you have insidiously eroded away my sense of diligence. Security has fallen completely apart. The grounds are in a terrible state of neglect. This guest house should be condemned.
Magnum: It doesn't look so bad.
Higgins: The estate is completely overrun with your good-for-nothing friends, sleazy clients and unexpected guests.
Magnum: That is not true!
[Carol enters guest house]
Carol: Hi Thomas. The gate was open, so I just came on in.
[Magnum hangs head]

Murder 101 [5.08][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] A person is what they throw away.

[T.C. and Rick are roped in to pad out the numbers of Magnum's class on how to be private investigator]
T.C.: I've heard that some private investigators don't even do any of that bone-numbing research and that they actually con other people to do it for them.
Rick: Yes, I've heard that also, but surely that can't be true.

Tran Quoc Jones [5.09][edit]

Luther Gillis: File #001 [5.10][edit]

Luther: So much for sweet dreams in paradise. I guess I'm either used to freezing St. Louie winters, or summer nights that steam the starch out of your shorts.

Kiss of the Sabre [5.11][edit]

Little Games [5.12][edit]

Professor Jonathan Higgins [5.13][edit]

Compulsion [5.14][edit]

All For One [5.15][edit]

Magnum: Where you been, Tyler?
Tyler: Been to an execution.
Rick: Anybody we know?
Tyler: Mine.
T.C.: Well, I guess somebody messed up then.

Tyler: Got anything to drink?
Higgins: Certainly not. And I demand an explanation.
Tyler: Okay, General, just don't slug me, too.
Rick: Go ahead, Higgins, belt him if you want.

All For One Part II [5.16][edit]

The Love-For-Sale Boat [5.17][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] A few vital statistics that explain why paradise is called paradise: there are three-hundred and twenty-six days of sunshine each year, an annual average temperature of eighty-six degrees, billions and billions of gallons of blue Pacific, and one Orville 'Rick' Wright, who will bet on anything.

Let Me Hear the Music [5.18][edit]

Ms. Jones [5.19][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] Here in paradise, there are at least three different ways of looking at time; There's the traditional mainland kind of time – people say "let's meet at eight o'clock", and that's more or less what they mean. Then there's Hawaiian time, which is a lot more... flexible – eight o'clock may mean seven… or nine... or not at all... depending on an infinite variety of factors. However, even in paradise, there's also a time-frame which seems to operate on a mysterious circadian rhythm all it's own – bureaucratic time; Roughly, that translates into "stand in line until we're ready for you, and then do it our way, or not at all.

The Man From Marseilles [5.20][edit]

Torah, Torah, Torah [5.21][edit]

Rick: [tracing a vehicle for Magnum] You know, do me a favor – next time when you give me the details, at least give me a little bit more than 'the big van was painted the same color as the boy's locker room in junior high', will ya?

[T.C. is brewing chili in Magnum's kitchen]
Higgins: My God, what is that odor?
T.C.: Higgie-baby, you're talking about my Aunt Rola's original, Creole flaming, bayou blasting chilli. Wanna try a little taste?
Higgins: Not without a paramedic in attendance.

A Pretty Good Dancing Chicken [5.22][edit]

[Magnum is planning to go undercover in prison]
Jack Damon: I don't understand you, you think you're going to a summer camp?
Magnum: I think I got it in the right perspective, it's just a farm – I'm gonna do a little manual labor, and watch a lot of TV.
Higgins: Well at least you have experience in one of the two. [pauses] Be careful.

Season 6[edit]

Deja Vu [6.01][edit]

Deja Vu (Part II) [6.02][edit]

Old Acquaintance [6.03][edit]

The Kona Winds [6.04][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] There's something hypnotic about the climate in Hawaii: every day it's sunny and 80°; every day there are gentle trade winds to take the edge of the humidity; every day—until the Kona Winds come up. The Kona Winds come from the south, from somewhere in the vastness of the Pacific Ocean, as they travel toward the unprotected chain of islands sitting vulnerable in the huge expanse of water, they pick up power, and speed, and force, finally crashing into the scattered pits of land. But the Kona Winds do more than whip the sea into a frenzy, they stir the blood and tear at the emotions, thrusting even temperate men into destinies they may later regret. I've always felt drawn to the land's end to watch the winds come in, as if I were somehow... part of the drama.

Magnum: This isn't a war you know. I mean, once nature sets it's course, you can't do anything to stop it.
Higgins: You can if you're British!

The Hotel Dick [6.05][edit]

Round and Around [6.06][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] I'm not really sure which kind of private investigator I am. The Holmesian-type with the constant deductive mind, or one with a Marlowe-type intuitive sense of the darker side of human nature? Hopefully a combination of both. At any rate, it doesn't matter. Not when you have a "little voice". I don't know, maybe a gently nagging "little voice" is just another way of adding what you know, to what you feel, but right now mine wasn't "gently nagging". It was screaming.

Going Home [6.07][edit]

Paniolo [6.08][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] When counting the assets of paradise, you have to start with the geographical diversity. Take the Big Island of Hawaii, for instance. Twenty miles in either direction and you've been to the dark hills of the Dakotas, the ranches of Texas, or even the Moon from the beginning of time. Impressive. I like the idea of working on the Big Island. What I didn't like was the vague job description, but the one detail I was told had me on the next plane. Whatever the investigation, I'd have a chance to do something I'd never get to do on a case back home. You can't ride a horse on Hotel Street.

The Treasure of Kalaniopu'u [6.09][edit]

Blood and Honor [6.10][edit]

Rapture [6.11][edit]

Higgins: I have studied Aristotle, Socrates, Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel, Bertrand Russell; I have toured college campuses debating the virtues of dialectic versus symbolic syllogism; I have written scholarly articles for the need for a new, more dynamic logic. But nothing in my life has prepared me for the workings of the Thomas Magnum mind.

I Never Wanted to Go to France, Anyway [6.12][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] Even when I was nine years old and my Grandpa took me to the carnival at the county fair, I found myself asking too many questions. Questions like, in the basketball shooting concession, "why was the ball so full of air that it would bounce off the too-small rim, and there goes your quarter?" Or, "why did the beautiful blond lady in the 'dollar-a-kiss' booth smell like a distillery from twenty feet away?" Or, "how come the biggest stuffed animals you could possibly win in the shooting gallery always had an inch of dust on them?" And now, a lot of years later, "who would want to make a murder out of a sideshow?"

Summer School [6.13][edit]

Mad Dogs and Englishmen [6.14][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] Sometimes I think maybe I've spent too long in paradise. I sort of take it for granted, like pizza. I mean, while I find a lot of security in the knowledge that paradise and pizza are always there; it's too easy to get complacent. Pepperoni or sausage? Perfect sunrise or a perfect rainbow? Why not just have all of the above, today? Now, I can deprive myself of pizza for a week and appreciate it again, but paradise... it's always at my door. And while it can be very pleasant, it can also be very predictable.

All Thieves on Deck [6.15][edit]

This Island Isn't Big Enough [6.16][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] One thing I've noticed over the years. Usually people hire private investigators because they can't unravel the puzzle themselves. Their emotions are too involved. They need someone who is detached, analytical, uninvolved. And that's what I've always tried to give them. But somehow, that all became very difficult when the missing person was Rick and the client was me.

Magnum: [narrating] When I was 14 years old, my grandfather took me crabbing. Now, crabbing's a lot different from trout fishing. See, you tie the bait on the line, you drop it in the water, and when you feel the crab crawl up on the bait, and start nibbling away, you have to slowly raise the line to the surface and then net him as fast as you can. The only trouble is, by the time you can see the crab… he can see you. And nine times out of ten, he'll scuttle right back off that bait and disappear into the ocean. Now I guess that's what I always liked about it, the crab had as good a chance of a free meal as you did. But the best thing about crabbing, was that it taught you patience, concentration, and the second sense of when the time was right to sit, and wait it out.

Way of the Stalking Horse [6.17][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] After the first time I was wounded in Vietnam, I'd noticed a weird series of reactions to being shot. I'd wondered if anybody had ever written them down like Elisabeth Kübler-Ross' "Stages of Death". First, there's denial. Then comes a giddy kind of relief, shock and surprise at still being alive. All the senses working together in Technicolor and Hi-Fi at the joy of actually having survived. And then, the paranoia sets in. If it's happened once, it can happen again. Suddenly, every sound is an approaching enemy, every smell a lethal gas, and no way of knowing whether it's a mind game, or a clear and present danger. And no way of stopping the heart racing, the palms sweating, until the paranoia stage has slipped into revenge.

Find Me a Rainbow [6.18][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] I must've seen a hundred rainbows since I've been in the islands, but each one just seems to take my breath away, despite the best efforts of Mr. Corkall, my high school science teacher. He used to lecture our class on light reflections and refraction, polarization and prisms, but I knew, I knew that that really wasn't what rainbows were all about. So when I got a "C" on my midterm, Mr. Corkall told me that he was really worried that I would go through life not understanding the importance of geometric optics. But to tell you the truth, I was a lot more worried Mr. Corkall might go through life not understanding the importance of a rainbow.

Who is Don Luis Higgins, and Why is He Doing These Terrible Things to Me? [6.19][edit]

[Magnum is unsure if he's talking to Higgins or his half-brother]
Magnum: Tell me a story. The "Gunga Din Story"!
Higgins: For god sake Magnum, this is hardly the time!...
Magnum: If you're Higgins, anytime is the time! The "Gunga Din Story" now!
Higgins: Malaysia, 1943. Our regiment was hopelessly outnumbered and faced certain death. In our ranks was a young Lt. Ian Bowerly and during a lull in the battle he recited Gunga Din. I suppose to keep up our courage in face of the inevitable. His eloquent recitation grew increasingly louder until it thundered through the jungle. To our amazement, the Japanese troops walked forward. Although they spoke no English they were entranced by the poem. They allowed us all to leave the area unharmed except for poor Mr. Bowerly. As we made our escape we could hear him reciting other Kipling favorites, literally for miles. To this day, his fate remains unknown.
Magnum: Thank you. I believe your half brother is going to assassinate the president of Costa De Rosa.

A Little Bit of Luck, a Little Bit of Grief [6.20][edit]

Magnum: [in jail with T.C.] My Aunt Maggie used to say that friendship was something like a sponge; it could soak up a lot of garbage and gunk, but when you rang it out, you still had a sponge. Now I'm not quite sure what all that meant, but I did know as far Rick was concerned, there was a whole lot of ringing out to be done before that sponge could be used again.

Photo Play [6.21][edit]

Season 7[edit]

L.A. [7.01][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] I always thought of L.A. as the "City of Dreams", a place where you go when you want your fantasies to come true. Apparently, ten million other people agreed with me. Some of those dreams must have come true, but I couldn't help but notice that too many others had been buried beneath the smog and congested freeways that had sprawled out of control.

L.A. (Part II) [7.02][edit]

One Picture is Worth [7.03][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] There's something I've noticed over the years about movie bad guys. They're always bad; the henchman, the hitmen, the big bosses. They all have that "one dimensional evil". We don't like to think about the fact that they might have families, or about what their families have to go through because of them. I could see that Jack Wilkins was just that scary enigma and I was counting on the possibility that he would have the same universal household problems we all have.

Straight and Narrow [7.04][edit]

A.A.P.I. [7.05][edit]

Death and Taxes [7.06][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] I once had a paper route in Tidewater, the Daily Sentinel. It was my first major job. I made $12 dollars a week and a penny for every delivered paper, and I never got nervous at income tax time, because I knew the IRS always gave me my money back, reluctantly. Sending in your 1040 form has always been as much a part of the American way of life as hot dogs at the ballpark on the Fourth of July, only now I've found myself having to file a lot more than a 1040. I wasn't getting my money back anymore, and I hadn't been to the ballpark since, well... before the paper route. I told myself not to feel persecuted. I told myself that people who get audited are chosen at random. I told myself it was nothing personal.

Little Girl Who [7.07][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] Saigon. April 30, 1975. No matter how hard I tried, I could never put that day completely out of my mind. A chaotic ending to a chaotic time. A war that kept changing, even in retrospect. And every time I thought I'd put it behind me, it crept up and tapped me on the shoulder.

Paper War [7.08][edit]

[While trapped in an elevator together, Magnum accuses Higgins of being Robin Masters]
Magnum: No no no, you're laughing, because you're trapped. You have never laughed like this. Now admit it. You've spent all these years pretending to be Robin's employee because you didn't want anybody to know that you write cheap pulp novels.
Higgins: And who, may I ask, is the man we know and address as Robin Masters?
Magnum: I don't know, some little guy with a voice like Orson Wells and a body like Truman Capote, that you hired to pose as Robin. And it was very interesting casting. You weren't satisfied with de nom de plume, you developed this whole persona, to create the kind of playboy you envisioned writing cheap pulp, so 'you' could devote yourself to serious writing.

[Magnum shoots the lock off a hatch on the elevator roof]
Higgins: Why didn't you do that before now?
Magnum: Because I didn't want to waste a bullet. If it is Nahli playing the games, we may need it. [He climbs up and looks through the hatch]
Higgins: Magnum, are you certain it was a Mr. Bill Nahli you were to meet here?
Magnum: [sees a rat on top of the elevator] A rat!
Higgins: I didn't ask for your opinion of his character. Just tell me if you're sure that's who you were to meet; Nahli, N-A-H-L-I?
Magnum: Yes, and I just saw an R-A-T that could eat Rhode Island.

Magnum: Is there anybody you haven't known, or anything you haven't done?
Higgins: You're calling me a liar again.
Magnum: I'm calling you an exaggerator. Your memoirs read like a bad novel. Not that it's bad writing. No, it's kind of exciting ... very imaginative, very professional; not like that cheap pulp that Robin writes.
Higgins: How dare you!
Magnum: I was just quoting you. You're the one that's always saying that Robin's writing is cheap.
Higgins: I never said cheap! It's just not serious writing. That's the only real difference between the memoirs and the novels.
Magnum: "The" memoirs? "The" novels?
Higgins: I was using the article the to compare the works rather than the writers.
Magnum: Sure. Just how much writing have you done, Higgins?

Novel Connection [7.09][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] Everybody, deep down inside thinks he, or she, is a private investigator. Jessica Fletcher was no exception. Despite her denials, I was sure she fancied herself as the consummate crime solver.

Kapu [7.10][edit]

Missing Melody [7.11][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] When I was six years old, I was convinced that monsters lived under my bed, just waiting for nighttime to come out and grab me. I laid awake all night for weeks, on guard against my own fear, until my Dad told me to call the monsters out and see if they came. They never did. Unfortunately, my Dad never had a solution for the real monsters, the ones that reach out and grab you in broad daylight, and neither did I.

Death of the Flowers [7.12][edit]

Rick: [narrating] It was January 23rd, 1958. I was twelve years old and my kid sister Wendy was five. My mom and dad had just been killed in an automobile accident. My aunts and uncles were arguing about who would have to take care of Wendy and me. Well, any other kid probably would have been scared, but I wasn't. I knew mom and dad would have been happy wherever they were, as long as they were together. I knew Wendy and I would be okay wherever we were, as long as we were together. But the one thing I couldn't stop thinking about is how if I was somebody I could have afforded to get some flowers for the funeral. Boy, I wanted to get them some flowers.

Autumn Warrior [7.13][edit]

Murder by Night [7.14][edit]

On the Fly [7.15][edit]

Solo Flight [7.16][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] Failure is one of life's few absolutes. Success, on the other hand, is relative. For instance, there's this story of a guy who spent his entire childhood dreaming of becoming a fighter pilot. He joined up at 18, came out of flight school number one in his class, soloed like a pro, and was assigned to a top combat wing. A week before he was to fly his first mission there was a fire in his barracks. He pulled two guys from the flames and suffered third-degree burns to his hands in the process. He was a hero, and he wound up a General. But he was never able to fly again. Relative success and absolute failure.

Forty [7.17][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] My grandfather was one of the world's great collectors. He collected souvenirs, stamps, and friends, but his prized collection was a stack of uncirculated currency: all silver certificates, all two-dollar bills. On my 13th birthday, he gave me one of them and told me to read the serial number. It was my birth date, and in time it became my "Lucky Two". I'd carried it with me ever since… until last night.

Laura [7.18][edit]

Out of Sync [7.19][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] Did you ever commit to something you knew you weren't really committed to? Well, take my last game at Navy. We were playing Michigan, and we all knew there would be pro scouts there. Not that that mattered much to the Navy guys, because we were already "drafted" in a manner of speaking, and I guess I really knew that they wouldn't be scouting me, even if I was available. But that's the point. See, I was having one of those really good days—over 200 yards passing, two touchdowns, maybe one of my best games ever—and I started thinking, why shouldn't they be interested in me? You know, for the future. That's what happened to Staubach. Well, that was stupid, because I wasn't Staubach. I mean, there comes a time when you know how good you really are and I wasn't Staubach. So, time's running out, fourth down, we're trailing by 3 points, and my wide receivers are wide open in the end zone, and I missed him ... by 20 yards. Now, I hadn't missed anybody all day, so I don't know how I missed him by that much, but I think I know why. What if I'd had the best day a quarterback could ever have and nobody wanted to talk to me? That says something about commitment.

The Aunt Who Came to Dinner [7.20][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] My Aunt Phoebe was the smartest woman I ever knew. She also had a tendency to see things bigger than life, which meant that when you were with her you got to see more vibrant colors, hear more intriging sounds, feel things more fully than when she was gone. But, it also meant that sometimes you had to translate her view of the world into a more mundane reality.

The People vs. Orville Wright [7.21][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] A cogent note about Walter Pidgeon, not the actor, my cousin Rainy's pet bird. One summer, Walter got out of the house, onto the deck. He would have flown away except there was a glass partition he couldn't get through. He kept trying and trying, but he kept hitting up against the glass. Now, two feet to the left, and two feet to the right, the partition ended, but he couldn't see the obvious, that there was a glass wall in front of him. The difference between me and Walter Pidgeon was I had finally seen the wall that Frank Foley had thrown up in front of me and I was taking two steps to the left to get around it ... [short time later] ... One last thought about Walter Pidgeon and the "glass wall". I'd always wondered what would have happened if "Old Walter" had gone around the partition and found his freedom. What would he have done with it? Maybe it was better that he never knew what was beyond the wall?

Limbo [7.22][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] Time has little to do with infinity and jelly donuts.

Season 8[edit]

Infinity and Jelly Doughnuts [8.01][edit]

Pleasure Principle [8.02][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] There's a funny thing about paradise—every day is pretty much the same as every other day. One slides into another; weeks become months. And before you know it, you could lose several years without really noticing where you were going. That's why, there are hurricanes. To shake everything up; to give you chance to take stock of what you have left, after the winds have died down.

Innocence, a Broad [8.03][edit]

Magnum: How come every time there's a crummy job to be done, I'm in charge of security, but every time there's big money to be spent, or credit to be taken, you're in charge?
Higgins: Because that is the order of the universe.

Magnum: One of the pleasanter aftereffects of nearly meeting your maker is a renewed sense of the value of all life; of every creature's right to realize its full potential. In fact, I was quite pleased recently when I managed to avoid stepping on an ordinary garden snail. Pleased that it could crawl on to fulfill its full garden snail potential.

Tigers Fan [8.04][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] I've always loved baseball. I think it has more of the American character than any other sport. It's competitive without being cutthroat. It's basically simple, but capable of incredible complexity. Baseball is played in parks. It has no clock except for the eternal rhythm of each individual game. This gives it thrilling bursts of action and moments of leisurely tranquility. All-in-all, I'm convinced that baseball represents one of man's noblest endeavors.

Forever in Time [8.05][edit]

The Love That Lies [8.06][edit]

A Girl Named Sue [8.07][edit]

Susan: [narrating] I know what you're thinking, and you're right. I felt bad about ending up in a competition with a stand-up guy like Thomas. I'd always liked his style. Hmph, in fact, he had a lot to do with my deciding to join the flat-foot fraternity. But the first thing I learned at "Lucky Steele's Detective School" was that a savy P.I. doesn't think much about the human condition. We always suspect everyone. And that's why we are so rarely disappointed. I wasn't ready to panic, but the palm on my shifting hand was starting to itch. And since my heap had the horses, I decided to use them. I had to hope the gumshoe gods were watching over me.

Magnum: [narrating] I know what you're thinking, and you're right. There are few things more dangerous than getting in the middle of a family quarrel, especially a family quarrel over a large fortune. Ask any cop and he'll tell you; more policeman are injured answering family disturbance calls than any other kind. It's like that old love song says, "you always hurt the one you love", and anyone else who happens to be in the line of fire. Well, I wasn't planning to make the 10 o'clock news the hard way.

Unfinished Business [8.08][edit]

The Great Hawaiian Adventure Company [8.09][edit]

Legend of the Lost Art [8.10][edit]

Transitions [8.11][edit]

Magnum: [narrating] I guess the earliest memory I have of my grandfather Sullivan is the kind of heart-to-heart talk we had while walking by the Rappahannock River when I was six years old. We used to hunt for wild asparagus down by the river to take home to my mom to cook for dinner. Anyway, on this particular walk my grandfather confided in me that probably the only thing you can count on in life is change… that no matter how much you wanted things to stay the same they never did, and that change itself wasn't bad. It's just that, the transitions were sometimes tricky. Well, I'm not sure what he was talking about at the time. I was more interested in the asparagus than transition, but I never forgot it. And I guess if there is one thing that I could in some way pass on, it would be my grandfather's advice—don't be afraid of "transitions", they make you strong.

Resolutions [8.12][edit]

Resolutions (Part II) [8.13][edit]

Magnum: [at the end of the episode, to his TV audience] Good night.

About Magnum, P.I.[edit]

̈Donald Bellisario: When I created 'Magnum, P.I.' I got thousands of letters from Vietnam veterans thanking me for portraying Vietnam veterans who were something other than killers and drug addicts and crazy and unable to function in society...they just loved it.

External links[edit]

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