Malice in La La Land

Malice in La La Land is a 2010 American adult film about mental patient Malice who escapes from her institution and is chased by the very obsessed ward staffer Jack Jabbowski under psychopathic ward dean Queenie. Based on the Lewis Carroll 1865 tales of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and 1871 Through the Looking-Glass.

Directed by Lew Xypher and co-screenplay adapted with Nikki Heartache.

A Miss Lucifer Production by Lew Xypher

Malice

[Following a midget in a rabbit suit] Not without me. Hey, wait for me. Rabbit. Where are you rabbit? Are you in there? Rabbit? Is this your home? Weird. What are you anyway? Is this real or is it a costume? [Walking into desert fully nude] At least I'm not walking around bare-assed anymore.
[Realizes she is nude in a motel room mirror] My clothes.

Dialogue

Jack Jabbowski: Doctor Queenie. We have a situation.

Doctor Queenie: Oh really?

Jack Jabbowski: It seems like one of our patients escaped. Malice.

Doctor Queenie: [Throws playing cards in Jack's face] You incompetent moron!

Jack Jabbowski: I'm sure I locked her door. I don't know what happened.

Doctor Queenie: Find her!

Jack Jabbowski: I do everything for you.

Doctor Queenie: Get out!

Thug: [Comes up behind Jack looking into gas station window pointing gun] Don't move asshole.

Jack Jabbowski: Is this a gun?

Thug: It's a really big one. Are you trying to break in?

Jack Jabbowski: That is not necessary. I need information. I'm looking for a girl.

Thug: You better get off my property.

Jack Jabbowski: I'm gone already.

Thug: You have five seconds to get out of here. [Jack gets in vehicle] One. Two...

Jack Jabbowski: Wait, the car won't start.

Thug: I hope to God that car don't start.

Jack Jabbowski: Wait.

Thug: Four. [Jack drives away] Get the fuck out of here. [To girlfriend] Did you see that?

Thug's girlfriend: Baby, what happened?

Thug: My pack is bigger than his.

Thug's girlfriend: You showed that son of a jackal.

Thug: Yes, I did.

Thug's girlfriend: The way you stuck out that gun at him. That made me so horny.

Jack Jabbowski: [Sitting in vehicle masturbating calling Queenie] It's me.

Doctor Queenie: Tell me you have her.

Jack Jabbowski: Well, almost. I am on her tail, Queenie.

Doctor Queenie: It's doctor Queenie to you.

Jack Jabbowski: Doctor, please.

Doctor Queenie: Listen to me carefully Jack. I will really hurt you if you don't find the girl. And you won't like it.

Jack Jabbowski: But Queenie, I mean doctor Queenie. You can't be serious.

Doctor Queenie: Oh, but I am. She escaped, because you're too busy yourself jerking off! [Jack stops abruptly] Get her back and don't call for no good reason!

Catz: [Driving with Malice] Quid pro quo.

Malice: What?

Catz: I do something for you, you do something for me.

Malice: What do you mean?

Catz: I want to take pictures of you.

Malice: What kind of pictures do you want? Let me guess.

Catz: It's not what you think. I'm an artistic photographer.

Malice: Yeah right.

Catz: Come on, do I look like a pervert to you?

Malice: We'll see.

Catz: Awesome. What's your name, sweetie?

Malice: Malice. And you?

Catz: I'm Chester Catz, with a "z". What where you doing in the desert on your own?

Malice: Some crazy guy was chasing me.

Catz: Some crazy guy?

Malice: Shit, that is him! That is Jabbowski! The guy I was telling about. Don't stop, go!

Jack Jabbowski: [Driving alongside] Stop the car, sir! [Jack drives into the rear of transport truck and his vehicle implodes albeit with himself completely unscathed]

Catz: What did that guy want from you?!

Malice: He's after me and he's crazy! That's for damn sure! Where are you going?

Catz: Curiosity killed the cat. [To motel receptionist] Can I get one of your nicest rooms please?

Catz: So, here it is.

Malice: What do you want me to do now?

Catz: Wait a minute. I got some stuff in here. [Holds up a lolita dress] You'll look great in that. Don't you think?

Malice: No.

Catz: Come on. You'll look hot in that. Come on. Two seconds. [Holds up a monstrous cat's head of a furry suit]

Malice: [Pointing and incredulously chuckling] I am not wearing that!

Catz: No, it's for me. [Puts on head]

Malice: You're kidding! How can you see anything?

Catz: [Points with both hands] I got cat eyes!

Malice: Somebody had a weird childhood.

Catz: Whatever. Let's start. [After a love making session] Want to come to the Matt Hadder party?

Malice: Okay, cool. What kind of party is it?

Catz: You'll find out. I just gotta see my friend. It's gonna be fun.

Malice: Sure.

Catz: [On phone] Kater! What's up buddy?! I'm good, mate! Listen, I need to come around. Cool. See you in a bit.

Malice: [Holds up business card] Cats, caterpillars... What's next? Monkeys? [Jack walks into motel room and Catz knocks him out with camera] What the fuck?! What happened?! What's going on?! Shit. Is he dead? Hey. Are you awake?

Kater: [Watching strippers in his establishment] That's it girls, come on! Yeah, shake it! Nice! Whoo! Shake those titties! That's how you do it!

Catz: [Appears with Malice] Kater.

Kater: Catz, my long lost buddy, how are you?! Sit! [Referring to Malice] Look what the cat dragged in! What a pretty kitty!

Catz: Kater, this is Malice.

Kater: Sit here so I can look at you. Hi there. See those girls? They're auditioning for me. What do you think? I like them titties. I like very much. Malice, do you want to join them?

Malice: No thanks.

Kater: You don't like girls?

Malice: I do, but not now.

Kater: A pity. It would be a great show. You know what? If I had tits... I would squeeze them all day long. I would suck and I'd lick the nipples and make myself... all horny and everything. I swear, I would... Do you think I'm strange?

Malice: Everybody has his thing, Kater.

Kater: What's yours? Pussy or dick?

Malice: As long as it's hard or wet.

Kater: Sweet. You're my kinda girl. Can I please see your tits?

Malice: What? No.

Kater: Keep your eyes on the girls. [To Catz] Incoming, Catz. [Throws pouch to Catz]

Catz: Thanks man.

Kater: [Malice] To As for you... [reaches into box]

Malice: What's that?

Kater: [holds up psilocybin mushroom] ...don't worry. It's not gonna kill you. It's not gonna hurt you. Just take a little bite, and you're gonna feel real great.

Malice: [Takes bite] And now? What's gonna happen?

Kater: Don't be so impatient. Just relax. Sit back and enjoy the great show. And if you'll excuse me. This is the way I like it.

Malice: [Looks at an incapacitated Kater] Catz? What's with him?

Catz: He does that all the time. Malice, let's go.

Malice: [Walking through palatial residence] Nice place.

Catz: Of course, I know. It's mine. [Walking up to Matt sitting by himself] Hey Matt.

Matt/Slash: It's ladies night, your friend... she don't need to pay.

Catz: How come I never get a free ride?

Matt/Slash: Because.

Catz: Anyway, I'd love to stay and chat... but I gotta go, me so horny. [Walks away]

Malice: Where is he going?

Matt/Slash: The cat's gonna ride a couple of kitties. [Strokes Malice's hair] Cute, but in need of a hair cut. [Malice punches Slash in the face] What the fuck did you do that for?!

Malice: Never, ever, criticize a girl about her hair.

Slash: [Holding nose] That bitch is hardcore.

Jack Jabbowski: [Knocks on Kater's place door who appears] I need to talk to you sir.

Kater: [Look to side then at Jack] No, you don't!

Jack Jabbowski: Yes, I do. [Kater shuts door then Jack knocks at it]

Kater: [Reopens door] Do I know you?

Jack Jabbowski: Sir, my name is Jabbowski. I need to ask you some questions about someone I'm looking for.

Kater: "Jabbowski"... Are you Polish?

Jack Jabbowski: Are you kidding me? [Chuckles derisively, shuts door, then Jack knocks at it, then opens it and enters establishment, walking up to Kater sitting]

Kater: Nice titties girls, keep shaking them! Lebowski! My long lost friend! How are you? You are mess, what happened to you?!

Jack Jabbowski: What?

Kater: I'm kidding! Sit down, take a load off!

Jack Jabbowski: I prefer to stand if you don't mind. Have you seen a girl with an Asian guy?

Kater: As a matter of fact I did.

Jack Jabbowski: Can you tell me where?

Kater: Well, they're... not here.

Jack Jabbowski: So, where are they?

Kater: [Derisively chuckles, then scornfully squints, raises hands and brings hand to head] Dude, you ask me all these difficult questions!

Jack Jabbowski: [Walks closer] I am gonna ask you one more time. Where... is... Malice?

Kater: Malice, phallus! Enjoy the show! Don't you like my girls? See those titties! I want to squeeze them... from now till next Christmas! [Jack holds out a gun at Kater] That's a weapon! Is your dick that big?! Girls don't leave! Come back!

Jack Jabbowski: I ask one more time, where are they?

Kater: At a party!

Jack Jabbowski: Where is this party?

Kater: At Matt Hadder's.

Jack Jabbowski: Where?!

Kater: My stage is empty! What was the question?

Jack Jabbowski: Where are they?

Kater: On Purple Street. [Jack relents and holds down gun] Leave me alone! My girls just left, you know how to get them back? Or let me see your titties. [Jack aims gun again at Kater] Now you've got confidence issues! [Jack shoots Kater]

Jack Jabbowski: Where is Malice?

Matt/Slash: She is in one of the rooms.

Jack Jabbowski: Shut up and don't move.

Matt/Slash: What? I didn't realize you had an appointment.

Jack Jabbowski: [To two woman screaming] Shut up. [To Catz] Well, if it isn't my little friend. Where is she?

Catz: I don't know. What do you want?

Jack Jabbowski: Don't tempt me, I will shoot.

Catz: Why don't you take your big gun, and go fuck- [Jack shoots Catz]

Jack Jabbowski: Now look what you made me do.

[Jack chases Malice who runs at a vehicle and gets in then Jack shoots at her]

Bill: Holy shit, what the fuck was that?!

Lacie: Where is Humptee?!

Bill: What?!

Todd: [Adjusting rear view mirror] Look there he goes! [To Malice] What are you doing here?!

Malice: I wasn't just gonna stand there!

Bill: Stop the car Todd, we're letting her out right here!

Lacie: You can't let her out, with that creep back there shooting at her out there!

Todd: Okay, all right.

External links

Malice in La La Land quotes at the Internet Movie Database