Men in Black 3

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Men in Black 3 (stylized as MIB³) is a 2012 American 3D science fiction comedy film starring Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones. The film is the sequel to the 2002 film Men in Black II released on May 25, 2012, almost ten years after its predecessor and fifteen years after the release of the original Men in Black. It also stars Josh Brolin, Emma Thompson, Alice Eve and Jemaine Clement, with Barry Sonnenfeld returning as director, and Steven Spielberg returning as executive producer.

Agent J[edit]

Agent J:Okay! Y'know how ya on a airplane and the flight attendant asks you to turn your cell-phone off. And you like, I ain't turning my cell-phone off, that don't have nuthin' to do with no damn airplane. Well!! This what we get, this what happens [Showing the crowd a crashed spaceship] It gets up there, bounces around on the satellites, and bam! Just turn your damn cell-phone off. Now you gonna drive off a cliff tonight because your GPS don't work.

Agent J: All right, pay attention... [neuralyzes a crowd] Okay. You know how your kid won the goldfish in that little baggy from the school fair, and you didn't want that nasty thing in your house so you told your kid it ran away but what you really did was flush it down the toilet? Well, this what happens... [points to an alien fish towed away] okay, so, you see what I'm talking about? Don't lie to your kids!

[talking to K]
Agent J: Man, I am getting too old for this, I can only imagine how you feel.

[Looking at an ugly alien fish]
Agent J: Ooh. You look like you come from the planet... Damn.

J: No, I call ladies "O." To me O is feminine, K is masculine. So when I see a couple, I'm like, "O-K."

Agent K[edit]

Agent K: [giving a eulogy] I worked with Z for over 40 years and in all that time he never invited me to dinner, he never asked me to his house to watch a game, he never shared a single detail of his personal life. [long pause] Thank you!

Agent K: Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to.

Boris the Animal[edit]

Anyone calling Boris: Boris the Animal!
Boris: It's just Boris!

Boris: Lets agree to disagree!

Boris: [After his weasel animal settled in his hand] You complete me

Boris: It's rather hot in here. Do you mind if I open a window? [After that he shots the Lunar Max wall causing a decompression which sucks all Lunar Max guards into outer space]

Boris: Sorry, darling [speaking to Poison Lily who is hanging from his hand]. We did love the cake! [After that he releases Lily into the outer space]

Boris:Let's rewrite history, shall we K?


Agent K: I promised the secrets of the universe, nothing more.
Agent J: [on phone] So what, are there some secrets out there that the universe don't know about?!

Agent K: There are things out there you don't need to know about.
Agent J: That's not the lie you told me when you recruited me!

Agent J: K! [O notices Agent J trying to call for his partner] Alright. You got me. I give it to you, it's funny, very elaborate. [to everyone looking at him] Oh, and all of you. Fantastic performances. Can't believe you waited 14 years to develop a sense of humour, but, this is a good one. But, K, I need you to come out here now, 'cause I'm really starting to get a little bit pissed off!
O: Agent J, would you mind keeping your voice down, and telling me who it is you're looking for?
Agent J: I'm looking for K!
O: Who is K?
Agent J: Argh! You too?! You too?!
O: I mean, who is he to you?
Agent J: My partner! Older gentlemen! 110, maybe 111 years old. Sort of this surly-Elvis thing happened with him. He smiles, like this: [J makes a poker face] Seen him around?!
O: [appearing a bit saddened] I'll take you to K.
Agent J: Thank you!

Boris rides down a boardwalk on his motorcycle
Male Hippie: Cool ride, man. Reaches his hand to the motorcycle
Boris: If you want to keep that, I wouldn't!
Female Hippie: Make love, not war!
Boris: I prefer to do both.
Both hippies laugh.
Boris: Forces an awkward laugh, then the hippies stare at him awkwardly. He laughs again, and once more as he drives off.

Agent J: You turn the electricity on that damn thing. Can't taste my friggin' tongue, K!
Young Agent K: How do you know my name?

Agent J:That's not an eye exam K that's a big-assed Neuralizor.
Young Agent K: You sure have a lot of information for a fella who doesn't know anything.

Young Agent K: Last chance, Who are you and what do you know?
Agent J:I am an agent of "Men in Black" but I'm from the future. We're partners 25 years from now you're gonna recruit me and 14 years after, the guy you didn't let me kill at Coney Island he escapes from prison, and jumps back in the past and unleashes a full scale invasion of Earth. We have about 19 hours to catch him and kill him so we really need to go right now!
Young Agent K: [after a pause] Alright.
Agent J:So that's the story you believe?

[referring to everyone at the party in The Factory]
Agent J: Is there anybody here who is not an alien?
[as they look around them J notices a man that looks like Andy Warhol taking photos]
Agent J: Is that Andy Warhol?
Young Agent K: Yep.

Andy Warhol: Who's that guy? [referring to J] Okay, don't tell me he's your new partner.
Young Agent K: Actually, he's my old partner. He travelled back from the future to save the planet...
Andy Warhol: Jesus! Stop, don't tell me. I don't wanna know.

Andy Warhol: So what are you doin' on my turf, K?
Young Agent K: Tracking a killer, a Bogladyte. We have reason to believe he's gonna hit here next, Glamourian.
Andy Warhol: Glamourian?
Young Agent K: Mm.
Andy Warhol: Right solar system, wrong planet. He's gotta be after the Archanan.
Young Agent K: No, Archanans are extinct.
Andy Warhol: Well, apparently they're not. One washed ashore last week. The whole Roswell circuits all abuzz about it. Alien unicorn, last of its species. His name's Griffin. Griffin The Archanan.

Young Agent K: Well, how are we gonna find this guy?
Andy Warhol: What am I, a schmuck?
[Warhol points to the party]
Young Agent K: What, he's here?
Andy Warhol: Well, here is a relative term. He's a fifth dimensional being. They can live in and visualize an infinite set of time space probabilities simultaneously.
Young Agent K: Alright, sounds like fun. Good work.
[young K turns to go back to the party]
Andy Warhol: Woah! Woah! K! K! K! You gotta fake my death, okay? I can't listen to sitar music anymore.
Young Agent K: Alright, I'll see what I can do. I'll talk to X.
[young K turns to go back to the party]
Andy Warhol: K, I can't tell the women from the men!

[while young K is talking to Warhol, J encounters Griffin at the party not knowing who he is]:
Agent J: How's is it going?
Griffin: Going? How's it going? Well, that depends. For me personally, it's good, things are good. Unless, of course, we're in the possible future where the muscle boy near the door gets into an argument with his girlfriend, which causes her to storm away and bump into the guy carrying the stuffed mushroom, who then dumps the tray onto those sailors on leave and a shoving match breaks out and they crash into the coffee table here. In which case, I gotta move my plate like right now.
[J watches as everything Griffin says happens]
Griffin: Or, if it's the possible future, in which the pastrami sandwich I'm eating causes me gastric distress. But thankfully your friend, sir, will offer some of the antacids he carries in his right pocket. So I'll be good, I'll be good. Except in the case of the possible future where I have to leave in two and a half minutes, just before he has a chance to offer me the antacids. So, on the whole, I'd have to say, not good. I'm not good.
[J gives Griffin a confused look]:
Griffin: But that depends.
Agent J: K!

Young Agent K: We need pie.
Agent J: What?
Young Agent K: My grand daddy always said, if you got a problem that you can't solve, helps to get out of your head. Pie, it's good.
Agent J: Pie?
Young Agent K: Yeah.
Agent J: Your grand daddy, heavy set man?
Young Agent K: A little bit.
Agent J: Yeah, you know what? We've been doing smart stuff, we've been following clues, doing real police work. It might me time we do somethin' stupid. Somethin' that ain't got nothin' to do with nothin'. Ah, you know what? Now I want some pie, K. I want some pie. Let's go get some dumbass pie!
[J walks off]
Young Agent K: Sounds good.

Agent J: World class serial killer out there and we're having pie
Young Agent K: What you do with your spare time stretch?
Agent J: Arrrgh....
Young Agent K: You see I sense you not embracing the concept here. Pie don't work unless you let it
Agent J: I'ma, I'ma let it
Young Agent K: When you said we don't talk, right? Go ahead ask me any question, anything you want just as long as it doesn't have to do with the case. Just let her rip.
Agent J: What's up with you and O?
Young Agent K: Me and O?
Agent J: Yeah, you and O.
Young Agent K: Alright, alright. Alright, this is it: a while back, I was assigned to keep tabs on a musician, Mick Jagger, he was in this British group, Rolling Stones...
Agent J: Rings a bell...
Young Agent K: We believed he was on the planet to breed with Earth women, so I was in London and that's when I met O. She's smart, funny, great smile, and we find ourselves in this pub, Whistlers Bar, warm beer and the worst food you ever ate. We just played darts 'til the sun came up, neither of us wanted to leave...
Agent J: What the hell happened to you, man?
Young Agent K: I don't know, it hasn't happened yet. Come on, what about you, Slick? In the future, you got yourself a girl?
Agent J: I got you!

Agent J: So this is how you see things? This is amazing.
Griffin: It's a gigantic pain in the ass! But it has its moments.

Boris The Animal: Go ahead, arrest me!
Young Agent K: Not this time.
[blasts Boris]

[As K, J, and Griffin wearing the jetpacks land back on the ground]
Griffin: Looks like this isn't one of the times we explode.
J: One of the times?!

[Griffin looks at the camera and smiles]
Griffin: This is my new favorite moment in human history.
[Griffin's face falls]
Griffin: Unless this is the one where K forgot to leave a tip.
[Griffin looks up as camera shows a meteor heading towards Earth. K enters and leaves a tip.]
K: Almost forgot.
[The meteor crashes into a satellite. Griffin looks at the camera and smiles.]
Griffin: That was a close one.

Older Boris: [to his younger self] You pathetic waste of Boglodite flesh! I'd kill you right now, if I didn't value my own life!
Younger Boris: Who are you?!
Older Boris: Look at you. Every mistake I've ever made just waiting to happen.
Younger Boris: What happened to my arm?
Older Boris: You'll lose it - shot off by a human.
Younger Boris: No human can defeat me!
Older Boris: You'll spend the next forty years in prison. Chained up, like an animal!
Younger Boris: No prison can hold me!
Older Boris: They build one especially for us, on the moon.
Younger Boris: No human has been to the moon, so they cannot have built it there already.
Older Boris: STOP ARGUING! You can avoid all of that, if you just listen to me!
Younger Boris: YOU were defeated! YOU let it get shot off! That wasn't me, that was YOU!
[both snarl at each other]
Older Boris: What's your plan?
Younger Boris: Prevent the Arc Net from being deployed. Kill anyone who tries!
Older Boris: Good plan, didn't work. With my help, we'll get the Arc Net, kill agent K, the invasion will be successful, and we'll get to keep both of our ar- [growls after noticing that younger Boris is staring at it] STOP STARING AT IT!!! Listen...

About Men in Black 3[edit]

  • You know, all movies go through a lot of drafts, and on this one, everyone just decided to make a bigger deal out of that. What I would say is, what made finessing the script harder on this one is that we were combining two genres. We were combining a Men in Black movie and a time travel movie and we had never done a time travel movie before. I can’t tell you how many times we watched Back to the Future. But the thing about time travel is you have to really set up the rules. You have to make sure the audience understands the rules. You have to make sure the characters understand the rules and you have to have the audience understand why the characters are doing the things they are doing to achieve what they need to do. And you’ve got two different Borises, you’ve got Young K and Old K. So, making these movies are hard enough and making a time travel movie is double hard. And putting them both together is quadruple hard. That’s what took a lot of drafts, because you’d think you solved a problem in the second act and then someone would wake up at 3:00 in the morning and go, “Wait a minute, we can’t kill him first, then the other one dies too.” So obviously in a perfect world you work that out [in the script] ten years ago.


See Also[edit]

External links[edit]

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