Mind Your Language
Mind Your Language (1977-1986) is a British comedy television series set in a school for mature students and focuses on the English as a Second Language class.
Series 1
[edit]The First Lesson [1.1]
[edit]- Mr Brown: There will be no throat-slicing in my class! If you want to do that sort of thing, you should have joined the Sports in Pastimes.
- Danielle: I come to learn English. Have I come to the right place?
An Inspector Calls [1.2]
[edit]- Mr Brown: I was engaged once. Matter of fact, I proposed marriage, but it didn't really work out. There was quite a lot of opposition.
- Miss Courtney: Her father?
- Mr Brown: No, her husband. I didn't realise she was married at the time.
A Fate Worse Than Death [1.3]
[edit]- Ranjeet: Excuse me, missy. This lady, is she resembling an elephant?
- Miss Courtney: I wouldn't exactly put it like that, but she is rather large.
- Ranjeet: Blimey, it is Surinder!
- Gladys: I thought you and Surinder made a lovely couple.
- Mr Brown: With all due respect, she was a couple on her own.
All Through the Night [1.4]
[edit]- Mr Brown: (holds up lime juice) Giovanni?
- Giovanni: Lime juice.
- Mr Brown: (holds up milk) Juan?
- Juan: Cow juice.
- Mr Brown: Milk.
- Miss Courtney: Do you know where we get milk from, Juan?
- Juan: Si, señora... the milkman!
- Max: Danielle should wave from window all by herself.
- Mr Brown: She still may not be sufficient to attract enough attention.
- Max: It would if she took her clothes off!
The Best Things in Life [1.5]
[edit]- Ali: You are changing your tune! When you are thinking that I am very wealthy, you are being my bloody brother.
- Ranjeet: That is before I'm finding out you are bloody stupid!
- Ali: Don't you call me bloody stupid, you bearded baboon!
- Mr Brown: Quiet the pair of you and sit down. (to Ali) I presume you're staying now, Ali.
- Ali: I'm staying now, yes.
Come Back All is Forgiven [1.6]
[edit]- Mr Brown: Well, how would you pronounce "F-I-T"?
- Ranjeet: Fit!
- Juan: Si señor, one right fit, one left fit!
- Mr Brown: No, Juan!
The Cheating Game [1.7]
[edit]- Ali: I want to hear you say: "All Muslims are nice, kind and most wonderful persons".
- Ranjeet: If I am saying that, you'll be lending me 10p?
- Ali: If you are saying that, I will be giving you 10p.
- Ranjeet: Very well. All Muslims are nice, kind and wonderful persons.
- Ali: Jolly good. (hands him the 10p)
- Ranjeet: There's only one thing: all Sikhs are very big liars!
- Mr Brown: Where are you going?
- Giovanni: We go to spend 2p.
- Mr Brown: The phrase is "spend a penny".
- Giovanni: Sure. I spend a penny, he spend a penny; we spend 2p.
Better to Have Loved and Lost [1.8]
[edit]- Ranjeet: Please, I am having a very funny thought. He is Pakistani, she is Chinese. If they have a baby, it will be Pakinese!
- Ali: How dare you! I'm teaching you not to be insulting! You ignorant son of a bearded poof!
- Ranjeet: Come on! You brainless offspring of a camel!
Kill or Cure [1.9]
[edit]Hello, Sailor [1.10]
[edit]- Mr Brown: Ali, I?
- Ali: You are what?
- Mr Brown: A word beginning with the letter I
- Ali: Infidel
- Ranjeet: Are you meaning me?
- Ali: Yes, please
- Mr Brown (to Ranjeet): Sit down! Ranjeet, J
- Ranjeet: Jackass
- Ali: Are you meaning me?
- Ranjeet: Most definitely!
- Ali: I knock your damn turban off you monkey face!
- Giovanni: Max, what's the opposite to "bitter"?
- Max: Lotta
- Giovanni: That's not right
- Max: Sure it is! Opposite of bitter money is lotta money
- Mr Brown: Juan, does Boris speak any English?
- Juan: I teach him a little
- Mr Brown: Well, good. Why do you wish to leave Russia?
- Boris: Por favore?
- Mr Brown: I see you speak English as well as Juan does
- Mr Brown: Think of a word that describes you.
- Ali: Stupid
- Ranjeet: Don't you call me stupid, you half-witted Pakistani popadom!
- Ali: Don't you call me Pakistani popadom you brown chapati!
A Point of Honour [1.11]
[edit]How's Your Father? [1.12]
[edit]- Ranjeet: And then came the Muslims!
- Ali: Don't you call me ape you son of a cross-eyed goat!
- Mr Brown: Quiet the pair of you! If I have any more trouble, you both stay behind for extra study.
The Examination [1.13]
[edit]- Ranjeet: I'm winning the jackpot!
- Ali: That is my winnings!
- Ranjeet: How can they be your winnings? I am putting the money, 10p in.
- Ali: There is your 10p.
- Ranjeet: Take your dirty hands off my money!
- Ali: That is my money, you bearded bandit!
Series 2
[edit]All Present if not Correct [2.1]
[edit]- Jamila: I sit at backside with Tarō.
- Mr Brown: No, Jamila. You will sit at the back. Backside is what you sit on.
- Jamila: (chuckles) Oh, no, master-jī. What I sit on is chair!
- Ingrid: Swedish girl are the beautifullest.
- Danielle: (rolls eyes) Trouble with Swedish girl: they are too big in ze bosom.
- Ingrid: French woman too big in the mouth.
Queen for a Day [2.2]
[edit]- Miss Courtney: Sidney, go and sweep the school yard!
- Sid: I swept it up once.
- Miss Courtney: Well, sweep it again!
- Sid: You wouldn't like me to go down on me 'ands and knees and scrub it, would ya?
- Miss Courtney: Don't be ridiculous! It wouldn't dry before they arrived!
- Mr Brown: Shall I ask Gladys to make up a couple of ham rolls, in case they feel a bit peckish?
- Miss Courtney: Ham rolls?! You can't give royalty ham rolls! This is a very special occasion! Tell her to open a tin of salmon.
Don't Forget the Driver [2.5]
[edit]- Mr Brown: (points to the window) What is that?
- Zoltán: Door.
- Mr Brown: Window. (then points to the door)
- Zoltán: Ah, door!
- Mr Brown: Good.
- Enter Miss Courtney
- Zoltán: Crumpet!
A Hard Day's Night [2.6]
[edit]- Miss Courtney: If someone were to stop you in the street and ask you the time, what would you say?
- Jamila looks at her watch and replies in Punjabi
- Miss Courtney: That wouldn't help them.
- Jamila: Oh, yes. In my street, it's all Indian peoples.
Series 3
[edit]I Belong to Glasgow [3.1]
[edit]- Mr Brown: Mr MacGregor is from Scotland, which is part of Great Britain. Great Britain is comprised of England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales.
- Juan: No.
- Mr Brown: What do you mean, "no"?
- Juan: No whales in England. Whales in the sea!
Who Loves Ya Baby? [3.2]
[edit]- Giovanni: (admiring Danielle) Holy ravioli! For what I'm thinking now, I could be excommunicated.
- Juan: I was excommunicated five minutes ago!
No Flowers By Request [3.3]
[edit]- Mr Brown: Where does the term "Gladstone bag" come from?
- Max: Mrs Gladstone.
Just the Job [3.4]
[edit]- Mr Wilkins: (to Danielle) Explain the meaning of the phrase "to bury the hatchet".
- Danielle: To chop someone's 'ead off.
- Mr Wilkins: You. (points to Giovanni) Complete the following proverb: "People who live in glass houses..."
- Giovanni: "...should get undressed in the dark."
What a Tangled Web [3.8]
[edit]- Mr Brown: Giovanni, the correct word to describe a relative by marriage is "in-law", as in "brother-in-law", and not, as you put, "outlaw".
- Giovanni: It's the same thing.
- Mr Brown: It is not the same thing. An outlaw is a bandit.
- Giovanni: So's my brother-in-law!
- Miss Courtney: Oh, you're wearing a black tie, Sidney.
- Sid: Yeah, I'm in mourning. 28 years to the day it happened.
- Miss Courtney: Oh dear. The death of a loved one?
- Sid: Nah, I got married.
- Miss Courtney: You're a real male chauvinist pig.
- Sid: Pardon?
- Miss Courtney: Pig.
- Sid: Oh, you've met the wife, have you?
Cast
[edit]- Barry Evans – Jeremy Brown (English teacher)
- Zara Nutley – Dolores Courtney (principal)
- Dino Shafeek – Ali Nadim (Pakistani pupil)
- George Camiller – Giovanni Capello (Italian pupil)
- Kevork Malikyan – Maximillian Papandrious (Greek pupil)
- Jamila Massey – Jamila Ranjha (Indian pupil)
- Françoise Pascal – Danielle Favre (French pupil)
- Albert Moses – Ranjeet Singh (Punjabi pupil)
- Pik-Sen Lim – Chung Su-Lee (Chinese pupil)
- Robert Lee – Tarō Nagazumi (Japanese pupil)
- Ricardo Montez – Juan Cervantes (Spanish pupil)
- Jacki Harding – Anna Schmidt (German pupil)
- Gabor Vernon – Zoltan Szabo (Hungarian pupil)
- Anna Bergman – Ingrid Svenson (Swedish pupil)
- Iris Sadler – Gladys the tea lady
- Tommy Godfrey – Sid the caretaker
External links
[edit]
- Mind Your Language quotes at the Internet Movie Database