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Miss Congeniality

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Miss Congeniality is a 2000 film about an FBI agent who must go undercover in the Miss United States beauty pageant to prevent a group from bombing the event.

Directed by Donald Petrie. Written by Marc Lawrence and Katie Ford
Unpolished. Unkempt. Unleashed. Undercover. taglines

Gracie Hart

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  • I am in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I haven't slept all night, I'm starved, AND I'm armed! Don't MESS with me!
  • Look, she's gonna cry again. [imitating winner] 'Oh, if I only had a brain."'
  • Hey! I'm GLIDING here!

Victor "Vic" Melling

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  • I'm sorry, what was the question? I was distracted by the half-masticated cow rolling around in your wide-open trap.
  • There are no words.
  • Eyebrows. There should be TWO.
  • Smilers wear a crown, losers wear a frown.
  • [to Gracie] If I'd ever had a daughter, I imagine she might have been something like you... which is perhaps why I've never reproduced.

Dialogue

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Eric: All right, here are your new IDs. For pageant identity.
Gracie: Gracie Lou Freebush?
Eric: Yeah, remember, you like that name.
Gracie: Yeah, well, my IQ just dropped 10 points.
Vic: [teaches Gracie how to glide] See? Glide. It's all in the buttocks. Don't I look pretty?
Gracie: It takes a very secure man to walk like that.
Vic: The interview is the single most important part of the pageant. It accounts for 30% of your total score.
Gracie: Yeah? And what's the other 70%? Cleavage?
Vic: Smilers wear a crown, losers wear a frown.
Gracie: I would so love to hurt you right now.
Vic: As long as you smile. Now...why is New Jersey called "The Garden State"?
Gracie: Because it's too hard to fit "Oil and Petrochemical Refinery State" on a license plate?
Vic: Your hair should make a statement.
Gracie: As long as it doesn't say 'Thank you very much for the Country Music Award'!
Eric: Just imagine that she's me and there's something you wanna know but I don't wanna talk about it. What would you do?
Gracie: You want me to beat it out of her?
Kathy: You think you saved something tonight, but all you did was to destroy the dream of young women all over this country.
Gracie: What? You think their dream is to get blown up? Y'know, you got a really good shot at that insanity plea.
Kathy: (gets in the car) Yeah, well, I earned it, honey! 25 years of bitching beauty queens, and what do I get?! FIRED! They steal my life! They steal my beauty pageant!
Gracie: Hey! Hey! It is NOT a beauty pageant! It is a scholarship program.
Kathy: Yeah, yeah.
Gracie: Yes.
(she shuts the door of the police car, and it drives off with Kathy inside)
Gracie: Enjoy your run in the the Miss San Antonio Women's Correctional Facility Pageant. Huh? Huh? (laughs and snorts; to Eric) Get it? The Women's Correctional Facility--?
Eric: You gotta admit, part of you is going to miss this.
Gracie: I know I am going to miss the heels because they do something for my posture. And I'm suddenly very aware and proud of my breasts.
Eric: Funny, so am I.

Other

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Cheryl: Once I stole a pair of red underwear from the department store. My mom wouldn't buy them for me. She said they were Satan's panties.
Eric: Is this you not arguing? 'Cause you suck at it.
Vic: What, no armored car?
Gracie: That would be in my other dress.
Gracie: He had a gun.
Kathy: Of course he had a gun. This is Texas. Everybody has a gun. My florist has a gun!
Stan: I don't have a gun. My ancestors were Quakers.
Kathy: Stan, please!

Taglines

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  • Unpolished. Unkempt. Unleashed. Undercover.
  • She's Got A Killer To Catch... Right After The Swimsuit Competition.
  • Never Mess With An Agent In A Dress.

Cast

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