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Monkey Wrench (YouTube series)

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Monkey Wrench (2022–present) is an Indie animated science fiction comedy show on YouTube follows the misadventures of alien mercenary duo Shrike Sanchez and Bulldog "Beebs" Browns as they cruise the galaxy in search of decent paying contracts

Season 1

[edit]

The Ghost Egg [1.1]

[edit]
[Beebs is watching the news on how casino owner and League of Aligned Worlds (L.A.W.) lobbyist Chester McNevins was murdered by top assassin Kara]
Beebs: Yeesh. Poor bastard. [Shrike walks into the bridge] Hey, it lives! Good sleep?
Shrike: Sleep's good till you wake up, amigo. [Beebs turns off the TV] What are ya watchin'? Anything good?
Beebs: Just the news, as miserable as ever. Looks like that Kara character struck down another wealthy L.A.W. supporter.
Shrike: Eh, probably deserved it, supporting L.A.W. and all. Oh! And speaking of miserable, WHEN WE GONNA GET A.G. IN HERE?! [pulls out a roll of duct tape from the gem on the back of his head] I'm runnin' outta this stuff!
Beebs: We'll get artificial gravity when we can afford it. Have you seen our position on the board? [gestures to Monkey Wrench's low ranking on the merc leaderboard] We can't even think about fixing up the Bucket yet. Slogging through lesser jobs to get to better paying ones is part of the game. It wasn't just me starting this merc company. You gotta pull your weight, too.
Shrike: Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. So, what's the plan? You know, for the job?
Beebs: The client said he'll meet up with us on the planet below at these coordinates. Looks pretty remote. Being so far out, my guess is that he doesn't want too much "attention." Once we're down there, he said he'll discuss the "full terms," at least that's what I can make out.
Shrike: [looks at client's information] 100k pixels, eh? Not bad. Hmm, looks like he just wants a... bodyguard or something? All the way out here, though. Eh, sounds super shady to me, amigo. Hmm, who writes like this?
Beebs: We'll find out when we get down there. Not as if we can't handle ourselves if things get rough.
Shrike: Ugh, at least the pay is better than the last job you got us. I am never removing super ticks off a jumbo space whale ever again for measly 25k! AAAH! Man, I need my pizza fix, and soon.
Beebs: How about once this job's over, and to make up for the last job, we go hit up the nearest Pizzapocolypse? You can get your favorite!
Shrike: Oh... 15 Cheese...
Beebs and Shrike: Atomic Supreme.
[Shrike and Beebs arrive on the remote planet to find their client: Nobert Potoo]
Shrike: This? This is the guy?! [chuckles] I swear if this is some sort of--
Beebs: [pushes Shrike] Shh. Let me handle it. [to Nobert] So, you're Nobert? You don't look exactly like your profile.
Nobert: No, no profiling meeeee!
Beebs: [to Shrike] It sounds like him. [to Nobert] You contacted us about doing a job for you two days ago?
Nobert: No, no Nobert, job Ghost Egg! Ghost Egg!
Beebs: Is... is that a yes? Ghost egg...?
Nobert: Noooo.
Shrike: Este loro está locoooooo....
Beebs: [elbows Shrike] You said you'd provide us with the full job turns when we got down here?
Nobert: GHOST EGGING MEEEE!!!!
Shrike: Ghost egg? Eh, whu... WHAT GHOST EGG?!?
Nobert: Ghost egg... COMIIIINNNNNNGGGGGG!!!!
Beebs: Shh! It's okay! Calm down! No one's gonna... "ghost egg" you?
Shrike: [pulls out his laser gun] Can I shoot him please?
Nobert: No! Gonna ghost egg me!
Shrike: Beebs, please don't tell me we came all this way- a trip that took two days of blue space travel, mind you -to some swamp-ass-armpit of a solar system to protect a neurotic lunatic who thinks he's being haunted by a... PHANTOM FREAKING EGG?!?!
Beebs: Mate, we're already here. We're doing it.
Shrike: [hiding his rage] Alright, fine. How long we gotta put up with this little freak?
[Nobert types something on Beebs' tablet and gives it to him]
Beebs: Says he needs us to escort him to dock 57 on Oberon station. There he can be... "free from Ghost Egg." His words, not mine.
Shrike: Wait, Oberon? But that's at least 6 days trip from here. Heh, you saying I gotta put up with him and his phantom huevos for SIX WHOLE DAYS?!? Ay yai yai yai yai!
Beebs: The money's right, and besides, just look at him. Poor guy could use a break.
Shrike: Oh, he's dealing with a break, alright. [sighs] Alright, let's go, egg man. 10k pixels say this'll be boring as hell.
[an explosion occurs on the end of the hall]
Shrike: Eh?
Beebs: What the..?
Nobert: GHOST EGG!!! [jumps onto Shrike]
[Ricket and several space pirates appear]
Ricket: There's the bird, lad! Get him for Queen Tyneen!
[Beebs pull out his plasma weapon and points to Shrike tauntingly]
Shrike: Hey, we didn't shake on it! I OWE YOU NOTHING!!! [grabs his laser guns and fires it at the space pirates]
[Shrike, Beebs and Nobert has escaped the space pirates; the duo find that there's a bounty of 10 million pixels on Nobert's head]
Tyneen: Yo, Ricket, what up? You got the bird, right? Bring Mama some of that good news!
Ricket: Sorry, Mama. No good news. That bird got the Monkey Wrench guys as escorts under some sorta merc contract thing. From the sound of it, they're taking him to Oberon.
Tyneen: Sanchez? They not after the bounty the Potoo's gave him? Ha! Get your ass back up here, Ricket. We're heading out! [over the intercom on her ship] Alright, listen up! All sights on that idiot Sanchez! When his ship escapes the atmosphere, I want everybody ready to board that heap of scrap! We'll kick the crap out of him and take bird by force! And once we have, WE'LL FORCE THE POTOOS TO QUADRUPLE THE PAYOUT!!! [laughs maniacally] I really want that money for a new battle cruiser. SPOOPS!!!
Spoops: Yes, mammy-jammy!
Tyneen: Be ready to target Sanchez's ship. And fire the grapple the moment they get in range!
Spoops: Aye-aye, Queeny-weeny! Grapple-wapple go zip-zoom-kaboom! [giggles and activates the ship's grapple as soon as the Bucket leaves the planet's atmosphere]
Space Pirate: Target sighted, Captain!
Tyneen: Ready, aim...
Beebs: Dude, they're already getting a lock on us!
Shrike: Don't worry, it's fine! All we gotta do is jump outta here, like right now!
Beebs: You did make sure Nobert was comfortable before we hit blue space, right?
Shrike: Yup, I tucked him in nice and tight! [the camera shows Nobert strapped to Shrike's bed with duct tape] Hang on to your cheeks, amigo! WE'RE OUTTA HERE!!! [stomps on the ship's gas pedal]
Tyneen: FIRE!!! [the Bucket zooms into blue space just before the grapple could grab it]
Spoops: Uh-oh! Too late! Birdie go bye-bye!
Tyneen: [angrily pounds her fist on her seat] Deep breath. It's okay, Tyneen girl. Calm down. It doesn't matter! We know where they're headed! We'll just have to ambush them at Oberon!
Fodder: Uh, actually, Your Toothiness, if I may interject, if we had just headed to Oberon instead of attacking them just now, then they wouldn't know we were coming and we could have had the element of surprise on our side.
[Tyneen glares at the fodder; Scene changes to the space pirate ship entering red space while the fodder has been ejected into space]
[Shrike gets a call from his bracelet phone]
Shrike: Hey, if you can't tell, I'm a little busy right now, so call back later! Oh, unless this happens to be that fine señorita from Antares 4...
Scratch: Hey, squid man! My man! My amigo, as you're so fond of saying. How's it goin'?
Shrike: Oh, hey! It's you... Scratch. Uh, qué tal, animal?
Scratch: So, I hear you're in possession of a "certain someone" with a rather hefty bounty on their wee, tender head, hmm?
Shrike: I don't know where you heard that, heh!
Scratch: [sees Nobert appearing behind Shrike] Dude, he's right there. I can clearly see him. Besides, word's gotten out that you guys are honoring his contract instead of handing his head over to the appropriate authorities? Who are you?! That's not the Sanchez I know! You would've jumped on that like a fat kid on a cupcake!
Shrike: WHAT?! Me?! I would never-- It was Beebs' idea.
Scratch: [gasps] And here I thought we were amigos. How could you lie to me like that, man?! I'm hurt! [as Scratch continues trying to guilt-trip Shrike looks at Beebs, who simply shrugs] I think... I... oop, oh no, there it goes, I'm heartbroken. Shame. After all I've done for you. Helped ya set up your company. Got ya a great deal on the Bucket. THE BUCKET!!
Shrike: [pretending to be heartfelt] Aww, por amor de dios. Tug at my heartstrings, why don't you? Aww... [angrily] What'll make you go away?!
Scratch: Well, I nice gesture a true amigo would do... would be to give us the bird. I'm gonna need that bounty money more than ever to replace the heart that you just broke. And, you know... [deviously] for all the other things you still owe me, too.
Shrike: They only thing I owe you... is a swift kick up the culo!
Scratch: Fine! If you wanna be that way, I'll just have Scritch here blow you guys to smithereens and I'll get the bird that way. Your call, AMIGO!!
Beebs: He's got a lock on us.
Shrike: [groans in frustration] Fine! Whatever will make you leave me the hell alone! Gonna need your coordinates if you want me to send him over.
Scratch: [gasps] Oh, goodie! We're just at your 7 o-clock high, MUMEEGO! [Shrike aims one of the Bucket's cannons at Scratch's ship] What?
[the cannon blasts Scratch's ship into the horizon]
Shrike: [gives the middle finger to Scratch] Amigo THAT, pendejo!
Beebs: So, now that's over, you wanna take Nobert back to his quarters? If Tyneen and Scratch know about his bounty, then were sure as hell got a lot more trouble comin'.
Shrike: Hey, I welcome anything that'll liven up this 6-day-long babysit, amigo. [grabs Nobert] Oh, come here, you!
Nobert: No, Ghost Egg! No! No!
Beebs: This is gonna be a fine couple of days. Time to buckle up.
[Shrike, Beebs and Nobert finally arrive at Oberon]
Shrike: I can't wait to be rid of this guy! I never wanna hear a "nooOOOooo" ever again!
Beebs: [carrying Nobert in a sack] The Bucket'll be a lot more quiet without him. I think I might even miss him.
Shrike: After this, it's onward to Pizzapocolypse! And my 15 Cheese Atomic Supreme, baby!
Beebs: I don't know how you can that thing and survive, man.
Nobert: [pops his head out of the sack] GHOST E-- [Beebs shoves his head back in]
[just as Nobert is about to sign the contract; Kara is about to pounce on them, only to have Tyneen and Scratch beat her to it]
Shrike: Oh, hey! Fancy seeing you guys here! Did you come to see him off, too? Well, I hope you brought some tissues, it's gonna be a very touching farewell!
Tyneen: Shut it, Sanchez! Hand over the bird, and you won't be hurt too badly...
Scratch: Yeah! Forfeit the fowl!
Ricket: Hey! The Queen got here first, fur bag! We had dibs!
Scratch: What do you MEAN DIBS?! The bird's bounty rightfully belongs to me! MINE, BONEHEAD!!!
Ricket: Aww, look at the fat widdle kitty-maow... [pats Scratch's head] He's twying to pway piwate.
Scratch: OH, YOU'RE ASKING FOR IT NOW, YOU DUMB BONER!!!!
[after a fight sequence, Nobert lands into Ricket's arms]
Ricket: I got him, guys! I got him! [sees Kara behind him] Huh? Uh, what's that? [Kara fires binds at Shrike, Tyneen, Ricket, Scratch and Scritch] Oh, goodness!
[Kara catches Nobert with her zero point energy]
Shrike: Huh? Hey, no binds! That's cheating!
[Kara glares at Shrike]
Tyneen: No way! Is that Kara?!
Shrike: Kara, Kara... Wait. Isn't she that elite assassin chick that's been-- WAIT, ASSASSIN?! [Kara silently taunts Shrike] Oh, no you don't! That bird is mine!
[Shrike manages to stop Kara by throwing a roll of duct tape at her]
Shrike: Hey, Gatita! Hold it, hold it. Look, it has been a long six days, and I've had next to no peace and quiet thanks to him and his constant "no's," guys like you coming in and busting and busting my ass. And as much as I'd like to off the little weirdo myself, I have a contract to uphold, and I really really want some pizza! So, please, make this easy for me and step away from him! NOW!!!
[Suddenly, a large egg-shaped craft appears behind Kara]
Shrike and Beebs: Ghost Egg?!
[a battalion of bird soldiers come out of the egg craft along with Queen Potoo; Kara presents Nobert to Queen Potoo]
Tyneen: Queen Potoo?!
Nobert: No, Mommy!
Queen Potoo: No run away, son! No run away from responsibilities!
Nobert: No, hate it!
Queen Potoo: Come home, empire need yoooouuuu!
Nobert: Noooo!
Queen Potoo: Pleeeaaase!
Nobert: Noooo!
Queen Potoo: Pleeeaaase!
[as Nobert and Queen Potoo continue bickering, Shrike, Beebs and Tyneen are staring in shock and confusion]
Nobert: Noooo!
Queen Potoo: Pleeeaaase!
Nobert: Noooo!
Queen Potoo: PLEEEAAASE!!!!
Nobert: [gives in] Yes, Mother.
[Queen Potoo, Nobert and the bird soldiers board the egg craft and fly away; Kara claims the bounty and leaves]
Tyneen: Well, there goes my new battle cruiser. [runs after Kara] Miss Kara, wait! Sign my pecs!
Beebs: Heh, if that don't beat all.
Shrike: After all that, Beebs, we... we didn't get payed. [cries hysterically] MY PIZZAAAAAAAA!!!
[As Beebs carries Shrike back to the Bucket, Scratch and Scritch runs in, just missed what happened]
Scratch: What? I... Oh...
[Killix and Sixty-Two are transporting a mysterious crate]
Sixty-Two: This the thing that people have been killed over? Hmm, don't look that special to me.
Killix: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What if it's cursed? Maybe we're next!
Sixty-Two: Eh, whatever it is, I ain't risin' my life for it.
Killix: But Commander Tezzoree said to--
Sixty-Two: Heh, nuts to her! Let's just pawn it off to someone else! Our shift's almost over, anyways.
Killix: If you say so.

Lythop Liberation [1.2]

[edit]
Dr. Agness: L.A.W.'s Science division estimates that the planet will collapse in less than four hours! Your task: capture the last remaining endangered life forms! Are you ready?!
Shrike: Beebs, this mission is going to be... [scene changes to them walking through a dense forest] ...absolutely boring.
Dr. Agness: [over Shrike's bracelet phone] Don't dillydally and don't break those devices I gave you!
Shrike: Uh-huh...
Dr. Agness: The previous team I hired scarpered off with my other pair, too fast for my old bones. So them's me last ones. The department is spread thin enough as it is, and I ain't got time to deal with more shenaniganry, lollygagging or shilly-shallying! [Shrike is distracted by a red insect] Are you listening to me?! Huh, Mercs. Back in my day...
Beebs: [takes Shrike's bracelet phone] Don't worry, Dr. Agness. We take all our jobs seriously. [sternly to Shrike] Don't we? [Shrike rolls his eyes]
Dr. Agness: Well, you darn well better! The sooner this is done, the sooner we can get paid!
Beebs: [confused] And the sooner we get these Lythop creatures off world to safety, right?
Dr. Agness: Oh! Uh, yes, of course, deary! See you lovely boys soon! [disconnects]
Beebs: We won't let you down. [drops Shrike]
Shrike: Maldita sea... Hijo de puta... Mamagüevo!
Beebs: My translator can't pick you up when you mumble like that, man.
Shrike: Well, if you weren't so stingy and got one of these internal models, you wouldn't have that problem!
Beebs: Mmm...
Shrike: This is the last time I let you pick the job! I was expecting fire! Explosions! Excitement! Not... this!
Beebs: I thought you liked flashy, bright red things?
Shrike: Are you still bent out of shape about that?
Beebs: I gave you one job.
[a flashback shows Shrike going to get a new artificial gravity drive for the Bucket, but instead getting a new paintjob; cut to present]
Shrike: And thanks to me, the Bucket is muy hermosa! [gestures to the Bucket painted red] Look, look, look! [pulls out his phone] It's just like El Bandito's ride! [shows an image of his El Bandito, a sword-wielding raccoon, on a red horse]
Beebs: You and your Terran cartoons.
[Shrike and Beebs are outside the mouth of a dark cave]
Shrike: They... they in there?
Beebs: Yep.
Shrike: You... uh, sure they're not around back or something? Or this thing ain't broken? [furiously shakes the tracking device until Beebs grabs it points it into the cave] This is just like...
Beebs: [sighs] Don't tell me. One of your Terran cartoons?
Shrike: Don't knock Terrans, amigo. They were a huge part of history! They brought us cartoons, pizza, the Galactic-Wide Cataclysm... [pulls out some El Bandito tapes from his gem] Lots of fun stuff!
Beebs: I don't think a show about colorful cartoon characters should be taken seriously.
Shrike: They had to be onto something with this stuff! Why else would they make over 57 episodes of the same thing?
[Shrike and Beebs are walking through the cave]
Beebs: [trying to contact Dr. Agness] Dr. Agness? Are you there? Can you hear us?
Shrike: Probably can't reach us in here, amigo.
Beebs: Good. Because I think you might be right.
Shrike: Of course I am! Wait, right about what?
Beebs: About this job. Agness said this planet is gonna collapse in four hours, right?
Shrike: Yeah?
Beebs: Shouldn't there be more... tectonic activity? Like... quakes and stuff?
Shrike: I dunno! Do I look like a gynecologist?!
Beebs: Ugh! A geologist, man!
Shrike: Whatever!
Beebs: And why just these Lythop things? We've seen tons of critters scampering about. Why not take them, too?
Shrike: Eh, them L.A.W. guys don't care unless you can either pay taxes or hold a gun. And didn't you say not to break contracts anymore? Hmmm?
Beebs: [annoyed] Mmm-hmm.
[Shrike suddenly hears giggling from a distance]
Shrike: Did you hear that?
Beebs: No?
Shrike: Did I hear that?
Beebs: I... I don't know.
Shrike: The implosion... IT'S STARTING?!? [starts running around until he trips and sees an alien's skull] Oh... encatador... Beebs... I'M FREAKING OUT!!!
[the giggling grows louder; Shrike and Beebs look behind their backs to see a giant hand looming above them]
Childish Voice: SEIZE THEM!!!
[Shrike wakes up to find him and Beebs tied up]
Shrike: If this keeps happening, I may start enjoying it.
Puntiagudo: My bwoders! The Stwiking Sun has once again sent their willing pawns to twy and capture us! And once again, they have failed! They shall be made examples of! [Shrike starts to giggle at the size of the Lythops] Huh? Why are you waffing?
Shrike: You're just so... lindo! [realizes he's out of his binds]
Beebs: [adjusting his translator] Am I.. hearing this right?
Puntiagudo: How dare you waff! I'll show you the might of the Wytops! MY BWODERS!!! [a couple of Lythops take Dr. Agness' tracking device and toss it; Puntiagudo leaps in the air and slices the device with his the crystal on top of his head but then lands flat on his face; two Lythops help him up] Owie. Careful! You gonna get a boo boo! [Shrike and Beebs stand up and applaud] NO! NO CWAPPING!! You supposed to be a feared! How did you get outta your binds?! [Shrike picks him up] PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT!!! I'M WOYALTY!!!
Shrike: Aww, look at him! You got that translator from those corpses over their, didn't you? [begins squeezing Puntiagudo] Yes you did! Yes you did! YESYOUDID!
Puntiagudo: Quit.... squeeze... ing... me...
Beebs: You heard him. Knock it off.
Shrike: It don't do nothing to him. What about all the ones you're stepping on?
Beebs: [realizes he's standing on some Lythops and move off them as they run away giggling] Oh! Ugh! Ah! My bad.
Lythops: We stepped on!
Beebs: Uh, sturdy little fellas. Sorry, Your... Highness? There's been a big misunderstanding. We're not here to harm you, we're here to save you.
Shrike: Your planet's going to ker-splode, Puntiagudo!
Puntiagudo: Ker-spwode?! You're... you're not with the Stwiking Sun?
Shrike: [pulls out a containment box from his gem, which expands to full size] Ain't no sun here. [realizes Puntiagudo is gone]
Puntiagudo: [sitting on Shrike's shoulder] Whoa! How you do that?! [taps Shrike's gem]
Shrike: Ah, this old thing? Had it since... huh... forever, I guess. Can put whatever I want into it!
Lythop: Me, me! I go! I go!
Shrike: Ah, sure thing, little amigo. [puts the Lythop into his gem as the others ooh and ahh; he pulls out several items like his El Bandito tapes and a pizza box from Pizzapocolypse until he pulls out the Lythop again] Magic!
[Shrike puts down the Lythop, who begins to cry and run to Beebs, who angrily glares at him]
Puntiagudo: WHOA!! THE MOTHER CWYSTAL!!!
Shrike: Que?
Puntiagudo: You the bearer of the mother cwystal! [shows Shrike a mural of a figure similar to him] One foretold to save us all! A pwophesy held by... that guy! [points to a Lythop wielding a chisel]
Chisel Lythop: Yep, that's me.
Shrike: Uh-huh... [looks at Beebs, who points to the timer on his cyborg arm] Well, vámonos! Mama needs to get paid!
Puntiagudo: Yes! Onward, my bwoders! Onward to salvation! [the Lythops all crowd into the containment box] Oh deawest Mother Cwystal, may I stay by your side?
Shrike: Oh, sure thing, Puntiagudo. Look, Beebs, got a little mini me!
Beebs: Need that like another hole in your head.
[Shrike and Beebs make it to Dr. Agness]
Dr. Agness: Ah! About time you boys showed up. Thought you gone done a legger on me for a minute. Got'em all round up?
Shrike: Yeah, they're all in here, amiga. Well, except for Puntiagudo. [realizes Puntiagudo is gone] Hey, where'd you go?
Dr. Agness: [grabs the containment box] These Lythops are curious little buggers. The rocky ones have amazing durability. Add some of their essence to any metal alloy and it becomes impervious to almost anything! Their crystals, on the other hand, [reveals a giant crystal sword] can pierce the thickest warship armor!
[Beebs tries to grab the containment box, but Dr. Agness grabs it and opens into a large blender with crystal blades, killing the Lythops]
Shrike: WHAT THE HELL YOU DOING?!
Dr. Agness: Combine them both...
Puntiagudo: The Stwiking Sun!
Dr. Agness: And you have the strongest arsenal this universe has yet to see! [reveals her true face under her coat] Ooh, I'll make a mint!
[Beebs readies his plasma weapon but sees Dr. Agness destroy her equipment]
Beebs: You were never with L.A.W. Science, were you?!
Dr. Agness: Oh, boo-hoo! Like you boys aren't playing dress-up yourselves! Sensitive and stupid! Mercs back in my day were made of sterner stuff! Mmm, though I have to admit, despite your buffoonary, I now have all the data I need to replicate their elements! So, as show of thanks, how about I give you whipper snappers a taste of Granny's [activates a super armor suit] HOOOOOOOOOOOOMMEEEEEE COOKIN'!!!!
[Dr. Agness lifts the Bucket and throws it]
Shrike: [gasps] MY NEW PAINTJOB!!! OY, PUTA!! Grind up an entire species on your time! But when you wreck MY ship, it... gets... PERSONAL!!! [pulls out his guns and starts firing]
[just as Dr. Agness is about to finish off Shrike, Puntiagudo parries the attack, making her drop her sword]
Dr. Agness: What in heebedejeebedees?!
Puntiagudo: NO MORE!!!
Dr. Agness: A crystal one?! HOW?!?
Puntiagudo: As wong as I dwaw bweath, you shall not harm another! Mother Cwystal, I shall be your sword of vengeance!
Shrike: [grabs Puntiagudo] You got it, little amigo. EN GARDE!!!
[after a swordfight, Dr. Agness manages to catch Shrike off guard]
Dr. Agness: Ha! Playtime's over, brat! Real life isn't some silly cartoon shoooow!
Shrike: [smug] You sure? 'Cuz if you watch some, you'd know what's coming next.
Dr. Agness: [confused] You say what now?
[Beebs strikes Dr. Agness from behind and sends her flying; Shrike readies the final strike]
Puntiagudo: FOR MY BWOOOOODEEEERRRRRS!!!!
[Shrike slices through Dr. Agness' armor, destroying it]
Shrike: TOTALLY... like a cartoon.
[as Dr. Agness is being taken away]
Killix: You have the right to remain silent. And... uh... uh... uuuuuuhhhhh...
Shrike: Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of L.A.W.
Killix: Uh, thanks! Yeah, us blue guys, we don't normally do this sort of stuff. Do... you... wanna...?
Shrike: Nah, amigo. That ain't my thing no more.
[meanwhile, Beebs is meeting with Sixty-Two]
Sixty-Two: [going through the crimes committed by Dr. Agness] Illegal weapons production, arms trading, impersonating a L.A.W. Science official... GENOCIDE?! Boy, these are some hefty charges! We don't usually process bounties, but you were lucky we were close by. I could probably get you something around... 400k. Sound good?
Beebs: Thank you, officer, but... what about him? [points to Puntiagudo whimpering sadly in a small tank]
Sixty-Two: Hmm, hard to say. Being the last of your race can be rough.
[they both look at Shrike, mourning over the damaged Bucket]
Shrike: Mi mujer...
Sixty-Two: I'm sure we'll find him someplace else to call home. [sees the mysterious crate] You guys are mercs, right? Fancy doing us a favor? A paid favor?
Shrike: Está bien, bebé. We'll get you fixed up. [starts putting duct tape on the Bucket] You forgive me right?
[the Bucket's door opens, smooshing Shrike]
Beebs: [goes inside carrying the crate] We got a new job! Let's get moving!
Shrike: What? Already? What about the--? [Beebs pulls him in]
[the Bucket takes off into space]
Killix: Uh... did you warn about all the, uh, you know... death?
Sixty-Two: Hmm? Uh... nah.

Us & Them [1.3]

[edit]
[Shrike is watching El Bandito as Beebs struggles to play guitar after his cyborg arm got damaged in the fight against Dr. Agness]
Shrike: Get'em, Bandito! Get'em!
Beebs: Dammit!
Shrike: I'm trying to watch my thing.
Beebs: And I'm trying to play. You've got a screen in your room. Watch it in there.
Shrike: But I'm driving! [points to his foot on the controls]
Beebs: I trust cruise control better than your... [his cyborg arm sparks out, making him drops his guitar]
Shrike: Give it here! [grabs the guitar] I'll show you how a master does it! [randomly strums the guitar]
Beebs: Forgotten the chords I taught you already?
Shrike: [tries to memorize the chords, but give up] Stupid thing's too big for me! [tosses the guitar]
Beebs: [grabs the guitar and plays a beautiful tune] Just like that.
Shrike: Yeah? Well, I warmed it up for you. Now keep it down. It's showtime. [returns to his seat]
Beebs: [stares at his cyborg arm] Are we... cut out for this life?
Shrike: [pauses the show] Wha?
Beebs: I just... can't stop thinking about what happened to the Lythops. [sighs] That poor little fella.
Shrike: Eh, L.A.W.'ll set him up with some stupid job and he'll keep on going. Just look at me. I turned out fine.
Beebs: Mmm....
Shrike: You can't get hung up on that stuff, amigo, you know? Can't have regrets.
Beebs: Don't you have that voice inside that tells you right from wrong?
Shrike: Right, wrong, whatever! Just no regrets! Where we headed anyway?
Beebs: Just droppin' off the crate for the L.A.W. guys.
Shrike: Eh... New rule: don't take any jobs from anyone that even looks like L.A.W.! Buncha jerks!
Beebs: And what does that make you?
Shrike: An ex-jerk!
Beebs: I'd say you're very much still active. [hears an alarm going off] You really should return that... suit? What is that sound?
Shrike: I dunno, it just started doing that by itself. [points to a flashing button]
Beebs: A computer can't just do things by itself. [looks at the flashing button] That's a distress call.
Shrike: Oooh, a de-dress call?
Beebs: DI-STRESS! Somebody's calling for help!
Shrike: Oh! A distress call!
Beebs: [looks at the remaining time of their job] We should check it out...
Shrike: There could be some money in it for us.
Beebs: That's not what I'm worried about. I'm sure the L.A.W. guys won't mind if we--
Shrike: NO REGRETS!!! [steers the ship and takes a transmittion; a screen reveals Scratch and Scritch inside their burning ship; Shrike has a shocked face]
Beebs: No regrets? Mmm-hmm?
Scratch: Scritch... be a dear and send out another call...
Scratch: Oh, please, my beloved primaries, ANYONE BUT THEM!!!
Shrike: Hey, you better start praying to me 'cuz they ain't here. Ya need help, Scratch? AMIGO?!
Scratch: No, no! Everything's fine. We're, uh... We're trying out this new interior deco! It's really high class stuff. You wouldn't get it. [a part falls through the floor] That's a feature.
Beebs: Impressive.
Shrike: Oh? Then I guess we can be on our way! Adios!
Scratch: AAAAAAAHHHHH!!! ALRIGHT!!! ALRIGHT!!! [pause for a few seconds] WELL?!?
Shrike: How much to save your culo?
Beebs: Shrike...
Scratch: Now? You wanna barter NOW?!? Oh, sure! Let me pull up a chair, put the coffee on and get my DAMN NOTEPAD!!! YOU GET THEM OFF MY TAIL, THEN WE'LL TALK!!! MORON!!!!!
Shrike: Oh, no-no-no-no-no, gatito gortito! I know you. We do this now!
Scratch: [several parts fall on his head] Trinity give me strength, WHAT?! [Shrike gives him a smug look] No. No, not that. I could, uh... offer you of my fine wares at 10% off? Some... fresh Terran trinkets just came in from the Quarantine Zone. [Shrike glares at him] 11%? That's the best I can do. [a girder lands on his tail] Alright! I'll call off your debt... [pulls his tail out] ...once you get us outta this mess!
[Shrike and Beebs see Scratch's ship being attacked by a strange mushroom-like ship]
Beebs: What... in the galaxy... is that?
Shrike: I know what it's going to be! [the Bucket's arms emerge and pull out its guns] POLVO ESPACIAL!!!
Beebs: Before you do that... [turns on the intercom] This is the T.C.F. Bucket of the merc group Monkey Wrench hailing Unknown vessel. Cease your assault and back away from the Best, or we will be forced to intervene. [he only picks up weird noises on the other end of the comm screen] That's odd.
Shrike: TIME UP, SHOOT NOW!!!
[the Bucket blasts at the creature, but it uses the Best as a shield]
Scratch: We're not gonna survive this, are we? [the Best shakes] SHOOT THEM, NOT ME!!!!
[Shrike blasts off a few of the ship's tentacles, but they regrow and grab the Bucket's left arm and shakes it, causing the crate inside to tilt; the Bucket blasts the tentacle and it restabilizes, causing something to seep out of the crate and crawl into the mechanisms of the Bucket, causing the left arm to malfunction]
Shrike: Eh?! Mi arma! Beebs!
Beebs: I got it!
[Beebs shuts off the left arm's power regulation, but it has no effect and the left arm goes haywire]
Shrike: Beebs, tell it to stooooop!
Beebs: I did! It's not working!
Shrike: Ah, screw this! I'll deal with it later! [yanks the left arm off the Bucket and uses it to hit the mushroom ship repeatedly] I'LL! TEACH! YOU! TO! WRECK! MY! SHIP!!!
Beebs: You did that one.
Shrike: It made me!
[Shrike manages to ward off the mushroom ship, which emits the strange noise again]
Beebs: [over the intercom] This is the T.C.F. Bucket...?
[the noises grow louder]
Shrike: BASTA YA!!! [lauches a huge laser blast at the mushroom ship and it flies away] Yeah, you better run, escoria!
Scratch: Ooooh, gentlemen, permission to come aboard?
[as Scratch and Scritch make it to the Bucket]
Scratch: I knew this thing was a wreck when I sold it to ya, but I never imagined you'd somehow make it worse! Where's the finesse? The panache? The gravity...? They don't even have a litterbox?! [to Scritch] You're right, we were better of dyin'.
Shrike: Time to cough up, gato rata!
Scratch: Whoa whoa whoa! Slow down there, cowboy. [chuckles] We ain't done yet.
Shrike: What do you mean "we ain't done?"
[Scratch plays a recording on his phone]
Scratch on recording: Alright! I'll call off your debt, once you get us outta this mess!
Scratch: As you can see, we are, quite frankly, still in this mess. LOOK AT MY SHIP!!! [gestures to a wrecked Best]
Shrike: Thing's finally got some character. Just limp yourself to the nearest ink station. We're done here.
Scratch: Oh, no we ain't! You guys are gonna tow us there!
Shrike: I ain't towin' jack!
Scratch: Ah-ah-ah-ah! Recorded verbal contracts are legal with the U.M.B. Get us to a station, unless you want to lose your current standings on the leaderboard! Isn't that right, Scritch?
[Scritch just stares at them sadly]
Shrike: What's with him? You got his tongue or something?
Scratch: You're one to talk! Can't understand half of what comes outta your gab!
Shrike: He's not even saying anything!
Scratch: It's a brotherly connection, only the closest of kin can share. Isn't that right, little bro? [Scritch gives him a dirty look] Oh, you. Such a kidder.
[Beebs arrives]
Shrike: Beeeeebs! He's making us take him to--
Beebs: I heard!
Scratch: Finally! The brains of the operation! [Shrike gives him the middle finger behind his back] Give it to me straight, Doc. How is she?
Beebs: Man, oh man. She's taken quite a beating. [shows Scratch the total damage of the Best on his tablet]
Scratch: Life support offline, blue drive gone, hull strength... SEVEN PERCENT?!?! Oh, Lordy, these repairs!
Beebs: Hopefully this'll teach you to keep from, uh... whatever that was.
Scratch: I'm surprised Mr. Red Suit over there hasn't told you about'em. [Beebs looks at Shrike, who simply shrugs and shakes his head] Those nasty customers... are the Agari. They used to be normal, happy, prosperous, even. Until the Terrans did... you know, what they did. The fallout changed them. Now, they're mindless drones, seeking out life to consume, spreading the Cataclysm's corruption wherever they go. L.A.W. tries their best to keep'em contained, but the Q.Z. is profoundly vast, and they're beginning to seep out.
Beebs: And they attacked you because?
Scratch: Because they wanted my sweet, sweet kitty innards! I imagine I'm quite the delicacy!
Shrike: Gristle ain't a delicacy!
Scratch: Neither is that glop you call food. Pizza... BLECH!!
Beebs: Oh, during my clean up, I found this. [pulls out a fanny pack] It was all I could recover.
Scratch: Oh, goody! [grabs the fanny pack] A little ray of sunshine
[Scratch unzips the fanny pack, releases a foul stench and something that goes into Beebs' nose]
Beebs: WHOA!!! Smells like death!
Shrike: I don't smell anything.
Beebs: You don't have a nose. [to Scratch] What in that?
Scratch: Just some Terran antiques we scrounged up. Hoping to pawn'em off for a bit of cheddar.
Beebs: Well, I don't want you two grubbin' up the place any more than Shrike does. You're gonna have to hold out in here.
Shrike: Those stains were already there when I move i-- Did you say Terran stuff?
Scratch: Oh, no. You had your chance, bucko!
Shrike: Come on! I just wanna look!
Scratch: I might be feeling more generous, if... you fetch Scritch and I something to drink! We're parched!
[Shrike begins to pull out his gun but is held back by Beebs]
Beebs: Play nice, you two. [he and Shrike are about to leave]
Scratch: Ooooh, busboy! Don't forget the drinks now!
Shrike: [as he and Beebs head to the bridge] It'll be all worth it, Beebs, I swear! Debt free, and a peak at some rare Terran goodies!
Beebs: Yeah, sure. You keep thinking that.
[as Shrike goes to deliver the drinks to Scratch, Beebs picks up the strange noise from earlier]
Beebs: This is the T.C.F. Bucket. May I ask whose calling? [the strange noises continue; sighs] Another thing to fix. It never ends. Hmph. I know no one's out there, but... [grabs his guitar] Care to listen to the plight of a fool? [begins playing his guitar] Mercenary life. Is this the right path for me? Please... [sighs] Give me a sign...
Mysterious voice: Them? Are you there, Them?
Beebs: What?! Are... Who's out there?! [no response] Man, I'm losing it. Maybe I should quit. [begins playing his guitar again]
Mysterious voice: Them! Wait... them is... not Them?
Beebs: Can... you hear me? [no reponse; begins playing his guitar again] Can you... hear me now?
[a silhouette of the Agari ship appears before Beebs]
Agari: Ooooh! I am able to perceive you, but you are not Them.
Beebs: "Them?" You sound confused, buddy. Name's Bulldog. Bulldog Browns.
Agari: You are separate, but... can communicating with Us. Bulldog... Bulldog has the feeling of Them.
Beebs: I don't understand what you mean by... "Them." I'm just a mercenary.
Us: Ooh, question: What is... "mercenary?" Who they? What do?
Beebs: Well, a mercenary is somebody who does a jog for money, no questions asked. Though I'm starting to have a lot of questions.
Us: Oooooh! What is "money?" Will Us need it?
Beebs: Currency, you know. Used to buy things.
Us: Ooooh! Separates buy things? Can us have thing?
Beebs: "Separate?" You guys think as one, then.
Us: Us and Them were one, but something changed.
Beebs: Shrike's not gonna believe this.
Us: What is... Shrike? Are another separate?
Beebs: Shrike? He's my friend. Or something...
Us: Ooooh, friend! Us know friend! Uh has friend Them! Us trying to find them.
Beebs: What happened?
Us: Us and Them had escaped Green Place, looking for purpose... until Them was gone. Now alone. Missing Them
Beebs: Are you... the Agari? That attacked Scratch?
Us: [shows a menacing image of Scratch] Separates hurt Us, hurt Them!
Beebs: What did Scratch do?
Us: They too... Them.
[Shrike and Scratch start a fight over the fanny pack, releasing a piece of Agari Them that touches the crate which corrupts it and expands]
Scratch: Ain't supposed to do that.
Shrike: [grabs Scratch] THE HELL DID YOU BRING ON MY SHIP?!
[Beebs grabs the three as Them expands more and releases tendrils all over the ship hold]
Beebs: I thought I said play nice! The hell is going on?!
Shrike and Scratch: It was him!
[Scritch points to the Bucket's left arm being possessed by Them and the four escape]
[Shrike manages to stop the Bucket from careening into the sun]
Beebs: You wanna come clean?
Scratch: I didn't do nothing!
Beebs: So, you did something!
Scratch: How was I supposed to know that gunk was gonna do this?! It was probably your filthy ship that-- [Beebs readies his plasma axe] WHOA! HEY! [Beebs grabs him] I expect this kind of behavior from the squid boy but not from you.
Beebs: It's been a long... day.
Scratch: Those THINGS started it! [a flashback shows Scratch and Scritch before they were attacked] We were, uh... sniffin' around the Q.Z. border. [Scratch and Scritch come across a wrecked spaceship] Pre-Cataclysm era. A great find! [Scratch and Scritch search around the wreck; Scratch finds a picture of three Terrans] All of a sudden, these two fungal freaks came out of nowhere! [two Agari approach Scratch] They kept making this insufferable noise. Getting closer and closer. I only fired a warning shot. [Scratch fires his laser gun, but hits a gas container, launching towards one of the Agari, destroying it and sending a piece of it onto the picture] But... [the other Agari glares at Scratch] Let's just say we left in a hurry. [Scratch and Scritch flee; cut to present] I just round out it's worth something, else I would've tossed it! Processed correctly, it can become an incredibly powerful aphrodisiac! Imagine... going at it... for hours!
Shrike: An afro... whaty-what?
Beebs: Forget I asked.
[the Bucket trembles as Them possesses the jets and propels it toward the sun]
Scratch: Uh... boys... where do you keep your sunscreen at?
[Shrike tries to steer the Bucket away from the sun, but Them jams the jets]
Shrike: My one regret... [begins to throttle Scratch] EVER HELPING YOU!!!!
Scratch: You came to save us!
[suddenly, the ship stops and the two are knocked onto the window]
Scratch: We... we stopped?
Shrike: I know what's not going to stop! [begins throttling Scratch again]
Beebs: You've got impeccable timing.
[it's revealed that Us has grabbed the Bucket]
Us: Oooooh! It is Us! Us is here to reclaim friend Them! [gestures to Shrike and Scratch fighting] Are those separates your... friend?
Beebs: You could put it that way?
Scratch: What's he playing honky-tonk for?! We're gonna die!
Beebs: Us, tell me what you need!
Us: Open yourself up so I can help Them!
[Beebs opens the Bucket's hatch; Us pulls out the corrupted Them]
Us: Separate Bulldog, you have to--
[Beebs' cyborg arm malfunctions, disabling him from playing the guitar and communicating with Us]
Beebs: Dammit... Shrike, get over here! [Shrike floats over to him] Those cords I taught you, play'em!
Shrike: You... you expect to remember them now?!
Beebs: Just do what you can.
Shrike: Why?!
Beebs: JUST TRUST ME! Okay?
Shrike: Okay... [tries to play the guitar; Beebs still can't hear Us]
Beebs: It's not working. I can't hear'em!
Shrike: Hear who?!
Beebs: You need to play to match the music! Have you hand like this on the fret!
Shrike: Like this? [begins playing]
Beebs: A little higher!
Shrike: [plays at a higher pitch] THIS?!
[Us' silhouette reappears]
Beebs: Yes! Just keep playing that! [to Us] Are you alright?!
Us: Bulldog... Them is... Them sounds... Green. The song, it's all wrong. Us can't hear Them anymore. [Them begins to fight back against Us] Us is here now. Do you not remember?
Beebs: You have to let Them go!
Us: Them never let Us go! Us and Them formed together. Us and Them left Green Place together. And now Us and Them will...
[Us grabs Them as they hurtle towards the sun]
Beebs: SHRIKE!
Shrike: YOU GOT IT, AMIGO!
[Shrike pilots the Bucket to fly towards sun, using its cannon to separate Us from Them; the Bucket grabs Us and the left arm, yanking it and the crate from Them; Shrike then uses the Best to knock Them into the Sun; Us sheds tears as she watches Them perish]
[Beebs finally meets Us in person at an ink station]
Beebs: [to Scratch] Go on.
Scratch: Oh, do I have to?! It's a damn plant!
Beebs: Say it.
Scratch: Ugh! I'm... sorry... you made me accidentally shoot your friend.
Beebs: He says he's sorry.
Us: Us is sorry for...
Beebs: Don't be. I've been there once or twice.
Us: How are... Us to go on? All on our own? Us is... I am afraid.
Beebs: It can feel like that... a lot. But... you'll find your way.
Us: Have you?
Beebs: [glances at Shrike] I'm gettin' there.
Us: Them is gone, but... still here... [points to her heart] New change hard... but... Us will try. Thank you, Bulldog.
Beebs: Call me Beebs. All my friends do.
Us: Thank you, friend Beebs. May Us... we meet again. [goes back to her ship and it flies away]
[meanwhile, Scratch and Scritch look at the damaged Best]
Scratch: What do you mean "the important thing is we survived?!"
Shrike: [pulls out his tablet] How about that debt cancellation?
Scratch: [pulls out his phone and crushes it] Guess I don't know me own strength. Looks like there's no evidence of the contract after all. Such a shame! You two dolts best be on your way and--
Beebs: Actually, when I was cleaning out the Best, I wanted to keep tabs on you two. [plays a recording of Scratch]
Scratch on recording: Alright! I'll call off your debt, once you get us outta this mess!
Beebs: Sooo, if you don't want your to ask why you dropped 2500 ranks, I suggest you sign off on the contract, and we can be on our merry way.
Scratch: Oh, you sly bastard! Wow, I ain't even mad!
[Scratch signs off on the contract, Shrike taunts him, and he and Beebs take off on the Bucket]
Scratch: Ah, Scritch, gotta love the fine print. They never specified which of their debts to cancel. [he and Scritch look at the Best] Now, let's hope the boss doesn't cancel us.
[Shrike is practicing guitar while watching El Bandito when he hears a knock on his door]
Shrike: Andelante.
Beebs: [opens the door] Don't wanna watch it on the bridge?
Shrike: I thought I'd... you know, just keep it in here. I don't wanna annoy when you're playing.
Beebs: Come on, move over. [sits down next to Shrike] So, what's happening?
Shrike: Oh, well, El Bandido's amigo, Dos Pantalones, that's his caballo, took something from that duende, but Bandito thinks it's the other way around so he's fighting him instead.
Beebs: What's a duende?
Shrike: Wait... it I'm here and you're here, then who's flying the ship?
Beebs: Cruise control.
Shrike: I thought you said computers can't do things by themselves, mmm-hmmm?
Beebs: I told it do that. [looks at the timer] Should be at the drop-off point in an hour.
Shrike: Ooh! That's at least 3 more El Bandito episodes! Well... unless... you wanna show me some more guitar stuff?
Beebs: After this job is over. Go on. Put another one on. Should be smooth sailing from here on out.

Plague Walker [1.4]

[edit]
[Shrike and Beebs are stuck in a traffic jam in blue space; Beebs tries to enter the code to see what's inside the crate]
Shrike: Don't yell at me...
Beebs: When have I ever yelled?
Shrike: ...but, I have some good news, and some bad news. What are you doing?
Beebs: Just seeing if it's intact after "Them." You wonder what's in it?
Shrike: Don't you know? You took the job.
Beebs: Ugh... The bad news? Something to do with the standstill?
Shrike: Suits out there say they tore a hole or something. We're gonna be stuck here for a while.
Beebs: And the good news...?
[scene changes to them arriving at the Thicc Chicc Casino]
Shrike: Ta-da!
Beebs: Really? With your... "problem?"
Shrike: I've been clean for like... what? A week? Yeah, a week! I'm good! Uh, let's stretch our legs! We gotta hant out for a bit anyhow! Look! [takes Beebs to a directory of the casino] They even got a mech shop to fix your arm! Dirt cheep!
Beebs: And a betting hall, and a bar, and a strip club. [his stomach grumbles]
Shrike: And Ritsy Food!
Beebs: [sighs] One hour, then we're back on the job.
[they both look back to see the Bucket falling apart]
Beebs: We need to go on a holiday after this. Somewhere... remote.
Shrike: And fix up mi amorcito... Don't worry, cariño, papi will fix you up!
[Shrike is about to run off but Beebs grabs him and holds out his hand]
Shrike: [pulls out a copy of the company card out of his gem and hands it to Beebs] What? I wasn't gonna use it.
Beebs: Last time I gave you a copy of the company card, the Bucket turned red!
Shrike: It was a business expense!
Beebs: I'm not trusting you in a casino with this!
Shrike: Oh! Oh! But I have to trust you when you're talking to mushroom ghosts! I see how it is!
Beebs: [looks at the card and looks at Shrike and sighs] Okay. [holds out his pinky]
Shrike: [hooks Beebs' pinky with his] I shouldn't have taught you this.
Beebs: Repeat after me: I will not...
Shrike: [deadpan] I will not...
Beebs: ...use this card...
Shrike: ...use this card...
Beebs: ...for anything but a legitimate business expense.
Shrike: That could happen to be in this casino. [tries to grab the card but is stopped by Beebs]
Beebs: Shrike!
Shrike: Ugh! For anything but a legiiiitimaaaate... business expense.
[they both let the pinkies go and Beebs is about to hand Shrike the card]
Beebs: Just think for at least two seconds before you act.
Shrike: Yeeeeeaaaaaahhhh... Okay, but first pizza, BYYYYYEEEEE! [puts the card in his gem and runs off]
Beebs: [closes the Bucket's door and walks through a crowd of people] Sorry... Uh, sorry... Uh, excuse me... [bumps into someone] Oh, sorry about tha-- [gives a shocked look]
Campion Ajax: Why as I live in breathe, it isn't everyday I see kin outside the homeworld. [Beebs nervously backs away] You'll forgive me for asking, but what is your name? I'm simply terrible with names, you see, and you look so... familiar.
Beebs: Uh, B-Browns.
Campion Ajax: Hmm, under what house?
Beebs: Mmm... Baraak.
Ajax: Ah, yes. Of course. Good genes! Large! Strong! [looks at Beebs' cyborg limbs] Hmm, shame. One would assume it was something on the mother's... [Beebs give an angry look] Well, no need to dwell on it. Mistakes are best left behind after all.
[Shrike accidentally wanders onto a stage]
Announcer: And here he is! The legend you've all been waiting for! The Duke of Dance, the King of Swing! He's not dead! It's D-D-D-D-DISCO HEAD!!!
Disco Head: [appears on the stage] You asked for a miracle and you got ME, baby! YEAH!! [the crowd cheers] Are y'all havin' a great time tonight? Let me hear ya! [the crowd cheers louder] Wow! Either my ball is too thick or y'all ain't bein' loud enough! I say again. ARE Y'ALL HAVIN' A GREAT TIME TOOOOOOOONIGHT?!?! [the crowd cheers even louder] That's more like it! Hot diggity damn! Now, I do apologize. The place must be such a mess! What with the merger of "Thicc Chicc," "Dance-O-Rama," "Jello Jigglers," "Jay Fay's..." Aw, you know! [sees Shrike surrounded by security guards] Mmm-mmm! Well, looky here! [pulls Shrike to him with his cane] It it isn't one of our fine boys in red! Oh, where we'd be without our honest, hard-working L.A.W. enforcement? Having no trouble keeping the peace, are ya, handsome?
Shrike: [nervously] Ehh... todo está bien?
Disco Head: No need to worry! We take good care of upstanding officers such as yourself! As with all our patrons here, everyone is welcome! Let's hear it for the L.A.W. lad! Come on, now! [the crowd cheers] And, because I'm such a generous soul, for the next hour, all winnings are TRIPLED!!!
[Shrike tries to sneak out but gets trampled by the crowd rushing into the gambling hall; Shrike gets up]
Disco Head: Hey, kid! [throws him a pixel] Today's your lucky day!
[Shrike smiles as leaves; Disco Head taps his cane three times and a face appears behind him]
Agent K: Ya thumped, boss?
Disco Head: Agent K, inform Kitten and J.B. our "guest" has arrived. I hope he brought a gift!
Agent K: Oooh! I do enjoy surprises! [disappears]
Disco Head: Mmm, hot damn.
[Beebs is getting his cyborg arm fixed at the mech shop]
Weevil Mechanic 1: Sir, just a couple more minutes and we should have you all set!
Beebs: Oh, uh, thank you.
[Queen Tyneen appears]
Tyneen: The usual, Doc! And make it snappy! Time's a-wastin'!
Weevil Mechanic 2: Y-yes, Queen Tyneen! Come on, you three! Get to it!
[the weevil mechanics begin fixing Tyneen's cyborg parts; Tyneen sees Beebs at the station next to her]
Tyneen: [chuckles] Finally trading in that piece of scrap for something new, eh, Browns?
Beebs: Um, just getting, uh... gettin' her patched up. [pause for a few seconds] So, um... How's the... pirating going?
Tyneen: You tell me! [pulls out a handful of pixels from her shirt]
Beebs: [notices a scar on Tyneen's chest] What happened there?
Tyneen: Isn't it neat?! [pulls down her shirt to show an incomplete scar signature from Kara on her chest] Ah, Miss Kara was in a hurry last time, but I'm sure when we meet again, she'll finish it! I can't wait! [bangs her fists down, sending the weevil mechanics flying]
Weevil Mechanic 1: Uh, all done, my queen.
Tyneen: [admiring her cyborg arm] I tell ya, I should've cut my own hand off sooner. The power, versatility, plus I can do this. [sticks her middle finger out and moves her hand like a metronome]
Beebs: It does feel good to get this dead weight off for a while.
Tyneen: Huh, speaking of, where's that twig Sanchez? Ya finally snap him off?
Beebs: Huh? Uh, no. He's off doing his own thing.
Tyneen: Ha! I can't believe you actually like keeping him around! Dumbass could barely cut it as a Red Suit. The only reason he's still alive is because he leeches offa you.
Beebs: Well, I...
Tyneen: [looms over Beebs] Take my advice. Don't limit yourself, Browns. You're only as good as the company you keep. You know what's hold you back. Cut it off. Now, where's that loser Ricket? Ah, I'll just follow the sound of his whimpering. [leaves]
Weevil Mechanic 1: All done, sir! Would you also like your tusks polished? OH! I am so sorry! I mistook your for a Walrinian!
Beebs: [sadly] That's alright. Happens all the time. [goes to pay for his repairs, but is unable to use his card due to Shrike wasting all the money on gambling] No, he didn't.
Weevil Mechanic 2: Sir? Uh, is everything okay?
Ajax: [uses his card to pay for Beebs' repairs] Don't worry. I can cover this for my friend. We have... dinner plans.
[Shrike is watching the news at the bar after losing all the money on gambling]
Alien Anchorwoman: PLAGUE WALKING!!! Popularized by Jaw Bone of the pirate group Scythelord, young wannabe pirates are risking it all to score big in the Quarantine Zone! The Cataclysm occurred 8 centuries ago, but some believe that there are still treasures within worth hunting for! L.A.W. enforcement has asserted that those who breach into the Q.Z. will only find horrors beyond their comprehension, and a 97.01 chance of infection and death. Plus a hefty bounty! Plague walkers can be easily identified by their... unusual green hue. As this is a matter of public safety, L.A.W. urges that if you encounter any Plague Walkers, you must report their location to them immedietely!
Ricket: Ah, the news. Ever the purveyor of horror and woe, sinking us ever deeper into the mire of misery.
Shrike: R-R-Ricket?
Ricket: Sorry, was that too dark?
Shrike: [gasps happily] RICKET!!! [grabs Ricket's face] My sweet, STUPID Ricket!
Ricket: "Sweet?!"
Shrike: You won't believe what happened!
Ricket: You go and blow all your savings on some wacky gambling scheme that failed and now you're broke?
Shrike: How'd you guess that?
Ricket: I was there, Shrike. I saw everything. I wish I hadn't. Anyone tell you you've got a gambling problem?
Shrike: I was trying to help! It's not my fault! It was supposed to work! But it didn't.
Ricket: There, there. I'm sure that new partner of yours... uh, what's his name? Beard?
Shrike: Beebs?
Ricket: I've only read his shirt. Anyway, he seems like an understanding guy... y'know, for a Walrinian. Uh, not that being a Walrinian is bad or anything! It's just that... I've heard they can be... a lot.
Shrike: You shut your mmmmYAP! Beebs is the best! I'm the "a lot!" I wrecked everything... again!
Ricket: I know what'll cheer you up! [pulls out his phone] There's this video of a cat lady that's been going around! Everyone like it! Here, look!
Shrike: [holds up a dart] I don't think I like myself... RICKET, what do you like about... ME?!?
Ricket: Uh... you should eat something.
[the door opens and Jaw Bone walks in]
Shrike: Ricket, how'd you get over there? And green?
Ricket: Ah, boy, here he comes.
Jaw Bone: RICKET YOU RAT!!! WHAT THE F*** IS THIS?! You and 'Neen setting me up with the Reds?! Yooouuuu S***!!!
Ricket: No-no-no-no, Jaw Bone! It ain't like that! This is just a good pal of mine!
Jaw Bone: Why the f*** is he wearing Red's gear, then?!
Ricket: I dunno...
Shrike: Ha! They ain't puttin' me back under the knife! If they want this suit, they can cut it from my cold, dead... [topples over]
Ricket: He's a little sad right now.
Jaw Bone: Ugh, f****** pathetic is more like it.
Bartender: Oi, control your language, J.B. Remember the... "agreement?"
Jaw Bone: [looks behind him to see several aliens covering their ears] You'd better not be SCREWING with me! [pushes Ricket to the side and eats his food]
Ricket: No, that's my... okay.
Jaw Bone: Where's Queen Bitch at? Or does she want me to give it to you?!
Ricket: She won't let me...
Jaw Bone: THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?!?
Ricket: I dunno.
Jaw Bone: She better hurry her ass up! My time is short! [starts playing darts] So, what made you quit, "Little Red?" Ya get bored telling people what to do? Could keep the public safe from naughty words? Being the primaries' lapdog too... "rough?" HA! [elbows Ricket] Get it?!
Shrike: You can't talk to Ricket like that!
Ricket: He was talking to you--
Shrike: SHUT UP, RICKET!!!
Ricket: Fair enough.
Jaw Bone: Hey, I'm just ribbin' ya! L.A.W.... What a racket. You want a real thrill?! Wanna live life on the edge?! Be a man?! Give Plague Walkin' a shout! That'll put some flame on your bones!
Shrike: Only a numbskull would risk messing around in there.
Ricket: Don't say slurs, Shrike!
Jaw Bone: Well, as the Terrans once said: "No risk, no reward." [pulls out a Terran medallion] That false idol of theirs might have blown the galaxy to shiiiii-heck. BUT HEY, AT LEAST THEIR JUNK SELLS!! Plenty of it out there, if you ain't afraid of a little "color." [imitates Ricket] "How do you even get in there?!" [normal voice] Ain't no trick to it! [licks the tip of a dart] You just gotta hit the right spots! [hits a bullseye on the dartboard, corrupting it] But a sad little Red like wouldn't go futher than the length of your own dick!
Shrike: You wouldn't get that far then.
Jaw Bone: THINK YOU'RE FUNNY, HUH?!?! Got something to say?! Then... say it.
Shrike: No te debo nada.
Jaw Bone: Ooooooh! [goes to pick up the darts] Smug like a Red! Blabbering like a Terran! Anything about you that's actually good?
Shrike: [blasts the dartboard with his gun and aims it at Jaw Bone] I don't miss twice.
Jaw Bone: I ain't movin'. Take your shot, Little Red.
Ricket: Guys, don't fight! You're upsetting Ricket, which is me!
Tyneen: [appears from behind Shrike and pushes him aside] Jaw Bone.
Jaw Bone: Tyneen.
Tyneen: That's Queen to you, bone head! So, where is it?
Jaw Bone: I didn't bring it.
Tyneen: We agreed, two weeks!
Jaw Bone: Two weeks isn't enough!
Tyneen: How far did you even get?!
Jaw Bone: TO PAPA GASOLINE!!!!
Tyneen: He... Dude, that's the second boss in the game. You only got that far IN TWO WEEKS?! YOU SUUUUUCCCCCK!!!!!
Jaw Bone: [pulls out his scythe] F*** YOOOOOOOOUUUUU!!!!!
[the two pirates begin to fight]
Bartender: [over the phone] Yeah, it's me. He's at it. Again.
Shrike: [gets up] HEY, NO FAIR!! WE WERE FIGHTING FIRST!!!
[Shrike dashes to Tyneen and Jaw Bone, firing his gun; Tyneen grabs both Shrike and Jaw Bone and fires a laser shot into her mouth and turns to Jaw Bone]
Jaw Bone: Ah, ah, MAMA--
[Tyneen blasts Jaw Bone and drops him]
Tyneen: [stomps on Jaw Bone] Game, now!
Jaw Bone: Oh, no, no, no, no! [pulls out a video game] See it here? It was only joke! Haha! Funny!
[as Tyneen grabs the game, several troopers surround the three]
[Campion Ajax has Beebs dine with him at Ritsy Food]
Waitress: Um... your cocktail, Mr. Ajax.
[Beebs stares at his steak]
Ajax: Not to your liking?
Beebs: I...
Ajax: I can get whatever you like. Waiter!
Beebs: I'd like to leave... please.
Ajax: [holds up his cocktail] I've noticed your tusks are... hmm, absent. You are fairly young, but they should be of significant length by now. I hope there's nothing... [sips his cocktail] wrong... with them. I couldn't imagine being held back by something so... inferior. Not many employers I know would take the liability.
Beebs: I want to leave now... please.
Ajax: [cracks his cocktail glass] Oh, it's a pity... what your father has been through. He has never recovered. The utter shame that you bring upon him. I can correct that, however. [passes a notice of servitude to Beebs] Remove your... "stain" from House Baraak.
Beebs: I appreciate your offer, but I'll be leaving now.
Ajax: I didn't give you permission to leave. Sit down. [Beebs stands up and starts to leave] Who exactly do you think you are?! Is it really so easy to turn your back on your house? Your own kind? Your mother?! [Beebs winces but unclenches his fist and walks away] I'm addressing you! [shoves the table out of the way and chases him] TURN AND FACE ME, YOU ABBARENT!! [grabs Beebs' arm, but Beebs punches his hand off] You struck me? YOU STRUCK ME?!? THE IMPUDENCE!!!! [tears off his sleeves in rage]
Beebs: [to the other patrons] GET OUTTA HERE NOW!! [to the waitress] You, call securi--
[Ajax punches Beebs; Beebs pulls out his plasma hammer and strikes Ajax in the face but with no effect]
Ajax: Abbarents like you should learn their place!
[Shrike in handcuffed to a chair in a holding cell; the Red Suit from the tunnel arrives]
Red Suit: Name: Shrike Sanchez. Species: unknown, endling status. Age: estimated mid to late 20's. Current occupation: L.A.W. Enforcement. This right?
Shrike: Wha...? No. I never went back. Ugh, my head. What'd I do now?
Red Suit: You had one too many and started blasting in a public place. Thought a Red would know better.
Shrike: I keep telling you people--!
Red Suit: Record's a mess, too.
Shrike: Ain't you the guy from the tunnel? [realizes he's handcuffed to his chair] Not again.
Red Suit: Just a safety precaution.
Shrike: Can't you loosen'em a little?
Red Suit: I'm gonna need you to answer a couple questions for me first.
Shrike: Shoot.
Red Suit: That cargo you're carrying. Who assigned you that contract?
Shrike: I dunno. Beebs got it from some Blues a few days ago.
Red Suit: Have you or this "Beebs" opened it?
Shrike: Noooo?
Red Suit: Has anything... unusual happened whilst it was in your care?
Shrike: Define "unusual." [looks outside the cell to see the crate] Hey, what's it doing out there?! That's my thing!
Disco Head: [walks into the cell] Correction: That's our thing. We're simply taking it back.
[the Red Suit presses a button on his suit, revealing to be an undercover agent Armstrong]
Shrike: What the hell is going on?
Armstrong: Seems L.A.W. is more disorganized than we thought.
Shrike: Listen, I am a merc. I just do what I'm hired for!
Agent K: Spoken like a true civil servant! [appears]
Shrike: Okay, this is getting too weird. Can I go?
Disco Head: Oh, I do apologize, but you can't leave yet! Seems you're on the books for a private dance! Mmm-hmm!
Agent K: She's oh so excited! I've been told so much about you! [chuckles] Well... in a manner of speaking.
[Kara drops down from the vent, glaring at Shrike]
Shrike: Gatita?!
Disco Head: Oh, you know each other! Then this will be less awkward!
Agent K: She hasn't quite forgiven you for that little "incident" in Oberon. Cracking her one of a kind mask, tsk tsk! But that's not the worst part, is it, m'lady? [Disco Head shows Shrike videos of him defeating Kara in Oberon on his phone] She's become quite the topic of discussion online! Kara, mighty assassin, felled by... tape. [laughs] How embarrassing! [Kara angrily hisses at him]
Disco Head: Ah, come on! You gotta love how creative some of these are! Hot damn! Look at this one!
Agent K: [tosses Disco Head's phone] Only I may tease her.
Disco Head: Aw, no fun allowed! [sees Shrike's gem] Well, looky here! Now, that's a strange place to get a piercing.
Shrike: Órale! No me toques, idiota!
Disco Head: Where'd you get this glamorous gleamer, kid?
Jaw Bone: AHEM! Dolion wants their stuff back. Today!
Disco Head: Apologies, J.B. Gotta check on the merchandise.
Jaw Bone: [walks up to Shrike] Let's see if you LIVE twice! [punches Shrike in the gut and leaves]
Disco Head: Kitten, do me a solid and save that Gem when you're done. My girl could use some jazzing up. Oh, and Armstrong. [hands Armstrong a mop]
Armstrong: Ugh, fine. But I ain't watchin'.
[Beebs' fight with Ajax breaks through to Shrike's cell, interrupting Kara's attempt to kill Shrike]
Beebs: [covers his eyes] Oh, I'm so sorry! I- Wait, Shrike?!
Shrike: Hey, Beebs.
[as Beebs runs away from Ajax while carrying Shrike]
Shrike: [points to Ajax] Care to explain what he's all about?
Beebs: Care to explain what this is about?! [holds up the card]
[meanwhile, Tyneen is walking through the casino with her game and Ricket]
Beebs: OUTTA THE WAY!!
[Beebs pushes through Tyneen and Ricket and Ajax knocks them over, causing Ricket to fall apart and Tyneen to drop the game and watch it break]
Tyneen: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! SANCHEZ YOU DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICKKK!!!!!!!!
Ricket: Ow, my coccyx...
Tyneen: GET BACK HERE!!! [chases after Shrike and Beebs]
[after Shrike and Beebs narrowly escapes Ajax, Kara and Tyneen; Disco Head, Agent K and Armstrong watch as Kara defeats Ajax but Tyneen grabs her]
Disco Head: [to Armstrong] Didn't think to detain the dangerous pirate?
Armstrong: If actual Reds can't keep her locked up, what makes you think I could?
Disco Head: [to Agent K] Uh... you gonna help her out?
Agent K: Nope! [disappears]
Disco Head: I'm sure J.B. can handle the rest. He's gonna have to. [over the intercom] More security to Dock 9, please and thank you. Uh, I just got this place, man!
[Shrike and Beebs make it back to the Bucket]
Shrike: Don't yell at me, but I have good news and I have--
Beebs: [shocked to see the crate gone] WHERE'S THE CRATE?!?
Shrike: [sheepishly] Green guy took it?
Beebs: "Green guy took it?" And I suppose this "green guy" also took all our money, too!
Shrike: That was an accident.
Beebs: Using our card to gamble when I specifically to you not to was an ACCIDENT?!? Shrike...
Shrike: I just wanted to use the one pixel, honest! One thing lead to another and... I-I just wanted to help. We've been... You've been working a lot with everything and I just though if I could win big here, you'd have a bit of a breather.
Beebs: I know you mean well. You're think you're trying... but... S***!!! [sighs] We really could've used that 5 million.
Shrike: 5 million? [scene to changes to Bucket blasting out of the casino] WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT CONTRACT WAS WORTH 5 MILLION?!?
Beebs: If I had, you would've done something stupid! Joke's on me! You did anyway!
Shrike: I SAID I WAS SORRY!!!
Beebs: NO, YOU DIDN'T!!!
Shrike: Well, I SHOULD HAVE!!
Beebs: I AGREE!!!
Shrike: GOOD!!!
Beebs: GOOD!!!
Shrike: GOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!! [targets Jaw Bone on the Bucket's sonar] Gotcha, hueso verdi!
[Jaw Bone is riding on his flying motorcycle when he is hit by the Bucket's lasers]
Shrike: I TOLD YOU I DON'T MISS TWICE, PAYASO!!!
Jaw Bone: HOW THE F*** ARE YOU STILL KICKING?!?

Interloper [1.5]

[edit]
Atlantica: In the beginning, there was a flash of white. And from that white, the three colors emerged: Primaries Red, Yellow and Blue. Together, they panted the galaxy's blank canvas with life. Far and wide their children spread. But the eldest of their children, the Terrans, grew too arrogant. They sought to create a new idol. [the Terrans combine blue and yellow together to create Green] A new color. A new form of life! It failed. [an explosion occurs: the Galactic-Wide Cataclysm] Countless races were caught in the Cataclysm. Those that survived corrupted beyond all recognition. How could we prevent such an event from occurring again? Science. Commerce. Enforcement. The League Of Aligned Worlds was formed. [scene changes to Atlantica, the host of the "Birth of L.A.W. Series" walking through L.A.W. Headquarters] Our Birth of L.A.W. series continues today as we join Tezzorree, Protege of Primary Red, and commander of L.A.W. enforcement. She will be showing us the lengths they will go to support these displaced by the unfortunate events that still plague our galaxy.
Tezzorree: What do the DNA samples show?
Assistant: So far, it doesn't seem compatible with any species on the registry.
Tezzorree: They speak, yes? Has there been no communication?
Assistant: We're working on that, ma'am. But... [opens the door] They're not exactly... talkative.
[inside the room is a small tank, containing an angry Puntiagudo]
Tezzorree: What do you call yourself? [Puntiagudo only growls] Very well. We will address you by your case number for the time--
Puntiagudo: Punti! [Tezzorree stares] My name is Punti! I am woyalty!
Tezzorree: I see. Well, Punti, you'll be assigned a temporary living space as we continue to search for any sign of... others such as yourself. [the assistant picks up the tank and Tezzorree's eyes flash, opening the tank] We'll do all that we can. [puts her finger on Puntiagudo's arm] Believe that.
[Puntiagudo gives a sad look as he's taken away]
Atlantica: It's hard to believe, in this day and age, entire species can still just disappear. Your thoughts, Commander?
Tezzorree: This galaxy bears scars that a immense and profound. Scars that, without proper care, may reopen. May The Trinity continue to grant us strength in these trying times.
Red Suit: Sorry to interrupt, Commander Tezzorree, but... it's him. He's back.
Tezzorree: [facepalms] Lots and lots of strength.
[Shrike and Beebs are chasing Jaw Bone; Shrike is blasting at Jaw Bone]
Jaw Bone: WILL... YOU... F***... OFF?!?
Beebs: You're gonna blow up the whole crate like that!
Shrike: Trust me! [Beebs glares at him] ...This time! I can make this right.
[Shrike fires two laser blasts at Jaw Bone]
Jaw Bone: Son of a bitch! Alright, Little Red. You wanna rock? [pulls out a cartridge that reads "My Tunes"] Lemme show you how I roll! [plugs the cartridge into his bike, playing heavy metal music; he then turns around, dodges the laser and uses his scythe to kick up dust from the asteroid onto the Bucket]
Shrike: QUE?!
Jaw Bone: [slices off the Bucket's left arm with his scythe] Too easy. LATER, DICKHEAD!!! [dashes away]
Shrike: My gun?! My crate?! My... [his phone rings] phone? [puts the call on the Bucket's monitor] Who is this, this is?
Killix: Mr. Sanchez, I'm, uh... calling to see how that contract is going? It's 30 minutes past due and we're kinda wonderin' where you are. [chuckles nervously]
Shrike: [mutes the call] Didn't you tell them we were going to be LATE?!
Beebs: Mmm... I was kind of BUSY!!
Shrike: Well, be un-busy and stall'em for a bit! [brings the monitor to Beebs]
Beebs: You got us into this! You get us out! [brings the monitor to Shrike]
[the two continually press buttons, bringing the monitor too each other until Shrikes smashes his button]
Killix: Uh, Mr. Sanchez?
Shrike: Carajoooo... Hola! We seem to be having some issues at the [sees a large asteroid coming] D-JOOO!!! [steers the Bucket above the Asteroid and blasts another]
Killix: Is that gunfire?
Sixty-Two: [pushes Killix out of the way] Get outta the way! Merce, I'm this close to sending the local precinct out after you!
Shrike: Lo siento! No hablo! [hangs up] Where... are... you?! Hmm?!
Beebs: [hears Jaw Bone's heavy metal music] Shrike, listen.
Shrike: I got this!
Beebs: No, listen!
[Shrike hears the music and smirks]
Jaw Bone: [makes a call on his wrist phone] Yo, Ribcage, my main man! Your boy's bringing home some fat stacks tonight! Tell Kneecap! We'll celebrate!
[the Bucket comes up behind Jaw Bone with the cargo door open]
Ribcage: Uh, bro, what's that behind you?
[Jaw Bone looks behind to see nothing; he looks forward to see himself flying right into the Bucket's cargo hold]
Shrike: Tetengo!
[the Bucket shakes violently and the remaining arm pulls out Jaw Bone and shows it to Shrike smirking]
Jaw Bone: YOU F***ING ****!!! F***ITY **** PIECE OF **** ****!!! YOU F***ER ****!!! YOU ****ITY ****!!!! [the Bucket bonks him on the head; putting out his flame] BALD?! [sees a laser gun aimed at him] NONONONONONO!!! It fine! Take box! Yes? Good? [Shrike smirks] Happy?
[the Bucket tosses Jaw Bone onto an asteroid]
Shrike: ADIOS, PAYASO!!!!!
Jaw Bone: MAMA! [lands on the asteroid]
[Shrike sees Jaw Bone's pendant and takes it and resumes the call]
Shrike: Lo siento, old girl's falling apart on me!
Sixty-Two: Get here in the next 15 minutes, else BOTH of you will BE ARRESTED!!! [hangs up]
Beebs: [sighs in relief] You're gonna kill me with stunts like this.
Shrike: [sheepishly] No regrets?
[Somewhere in the Quarantine Zone; Dolion Kroe is pacing the floor when Agent K appears]
Agent K: You won't get anywhere if you keep your pacing like that! Know what I say? An apple a day keeps the nerves at bay! [conjures an apple and throws it at Dolion; the apple simply bounces off Dolion] That's the spirit!
Dolion: Where is your... pet?
Agent K: Madam Slice-Your-Face-Off?
[scene changes to an alien doing fanart humiliating Kara until the door opens and Kara emerges with blood on her hands; the alien groans in disappointment; back to Agent K]
Agent K: She's painting the town red! And on that happy note, your tracking number has been updated from "delayed" to "out for delivery"! Hooray for you!
Dolion: I was promised there would not... be a delay.
Agent K: See, there this thing in the biz we like to call "bad intel." Oh, them Blues! Just straight up giving it to a Merc group of all things!
Dolion: [smashes the apple] Centuries of work, my work, the very future is in that box! Why can you not bring them directly to me?
Agent K: This airline don't do carry ons! Especially "Cataclysmic" ones!
Dolion: [growls in frustration] Damn your eccentricities! I cannot lose them again! Not when I am so... close.
Agent K: Don't you fret your apple-stompin' head. JB's a professional. He can handle it. [gets a phone call from his hand] Ahoy-oy! Uh-huh? Wow! Okay, love you!
Jaw Bone: WHAT?!
Agent K: [hangs up] So... JB couldn't handle it and that Merc group is taking the goods to L.A.W. as we speak. [Dolion roars in rage and grabs him] You're right! That is bad! Got a plan B, Daddy-o?
Dolion: You... take me to them. Personally.
Agent K: With your agoraphobia? Sounds awful risky.
Dolion: You have left me no other option. The risk is warranted.
Agent K: Mmm, doing it yourself, I love it! Though you're gonna have to book your own return flight.
Dolian: Consider that part... [summons a menacing-looking spaceship] covered.
Agent K: Golly! Well, if you put it that way, your chariot awaits! Shall we?
[they teleport to the ship]
[Shrike and Beebs arrive at L.A.W. Headquarters to deliver the crate]
Beebs: This place is huge. Wonder if that little Lythop fella is around?
Shrike: Eh, I'm sure those little pebbles are running about here somewhere.
Beebs: Shrike, it's just the one, remember?
Shrike: What? Yeah... no, sure. I remem-- [freaks out when he sees what looks like Armstrong in his Red Suit disguise]
Beebs: Being here that bad?
Shrike: Thought I saw Hueso Verde's accomplice for a sec.
Beebs: Oh, so he had an accomplice now?
Shrike: Little gray guy, in a L.A.W. uniform to boot! And the disco man was there, too, and a black paper man... with a hat.
[Shrike and Beebs approach Killix and Sixty-Two with the crate]
Beebs: Here you are, officers. One container delivered to--
Sixty-Two: Shut it! Give it here!
Killix: Thank the Primaries those documentary guys are keeping her busy, else--
Tezzorree: [appears behind Killix and Sixty-Two] WHAT IN THE GREAT SPECTRUM IS THAT DOING OUT HERE?!? [Several Red Suits aim their weapons at the Blues, Shrike and Beebs] Halt. Lower your weapons. I need a biohazard team down here... now.
Atlantica: A curious development! Seems even L.A.W. has off days.
Tezzorree: Cameras off. We'll continue later. [Atlantica and her camera crew walk away in disappointment] Explain.
Armstrong: Commander, if you'll allow me... [removes his helmet] These Blues assigned a classified object to some Merc bumpkins to avoid the associated risks. Illegally, I might add.
[Shrike elbows Beebs and points to Armstrong]
Tezzorree: Killix, Sixty-Two, is this assessment accurate?
Killix: [points to Sixty-Two] He did it.
Sixty-Two: HEY!
Tezzorree: Seeing as Sister Raphaim is not here, I'll see to it that you both are suitably punished. Get them out of my sight. [two Red Suits escort Killix and Sixty-Two away as two Yellow Suits carry the crate away; Shrike tries to sneak away] And as for you, Officer Sanchez. [Shrike waves nervously] I trust your leave of absence proved... enlightening. Six months past your posted sabbatical. Suit still attached. Calling yourself a "mercenary."
Armstrong: Seems to be an epidemic of individuals masquerading as L.A.W. officials lately, ma'am.
Tezzorree: You've blatantly disobeyed protocol.
Shrike: But, he--
Tezzorree: And your actions reflect poorly on all involved. We have rules.
Shrike: [angrily] Yeah, stupid ones...
Tezzorree: Tell me... what was your plan? To stay away forever? Continually run from your responsibilities yet reap all the benefits? Arrogance has gotten you this far. You seem to have all the answers, Sanchez. So please... do go on. [Shrike looks down in anger] Very well. Your service in L.A.W. enforcement is hereby terminated.
Shrike: Que?!
Tezzorree: The surgery to remove your suit has been scheduled.
Shrike: You can't just...
Tezzorree: And you will return your effects. That includes your issued firearms.
Shrike: No!
Tezzorree: WHICH will be deactivated and scrubbed of your prints! Both you, your colleague and your ship will be detained and decontaminated before you are free to leave. As for payment... it will be honored, once Primary Red confirms its delivery. Is that clear, Mr. Sanchez?
Shrike: Yes. Yes, Commander Tezzorree, ma'am.
Tezzorree: Your endling status may give you some leniency, but it does not make you immune to the laws of this galaxy. You'd do well to remember that. Escort them to the medical wing.
Shrike: I never wanted to come back.
Tezzorree: Yet here you are.
[Shrike storms off to the medical wing]
[Beebs is sitting on a bench while Shrike is trying to get a drink from a vending machine]
Machine: Please make your selection.
Shrike: I left! Couldn't she take a hint?! [begins punching the machine] Pinche... estupida!!
Beebs: Knock it off.
Shrike: What?! They owe me! Besides, it's just a dumb machine. It don't feel nothing... [sees Beebs rather sad] Hey, I was taught this trick, see? If you hit these things just right... [hits the side of the vending machine, causing it to despense two drinks and offers it to Beebs, but to no avail; he sits down]
Beebs: You never properly resigned?
Shrike: I... don't wanna talk about it. Who, uh... was the other Walrinian guy back at the casino?
Beebs: I don't wanna talk about it.
Shrike: If it makes you feel any better... I got y--
Intercom: Calling Patient 57. The surgeon will see you now. Patient 57, the surgeon will see you now.
Shrike: Guess I better get going.
Beebs: I... think I'll get going, too.
Shrike: Yeah. Okay. I'll meet you back at The Bucket. ...Right?
Beebs: ...No. [sadly walks away]
[Shrike is about to throw down the drink in anger, but stops and simply drops it as he heads to the surgeon]
[Killix and Sixty-Two are demoted to peeling sputatoes]
Killix: [cuts his finger on the peeler] OWWW!!! This is great. Perfect, even! Yeah. "Get a job with L.A.W. Commerce, it's easy! Simple work, good hours, get paired up with an IDIOT BEAN HEAD!!!"
Sixty-Two: Really? In front of my sputato?
Killix: Ugh, demotion... Ow, my dads are gonna kill me.
Sixty-Two: I didn't know it was that important!
Killix: The delivery contract you made? The dead people you mentioned?
[Dolion and Agent K appear behind them]
Agent K: Now, promise you'll be home by 8pm! Wink! [disappears]
[Killix and Sixty-Two see Dolion]
Sixty-Two: Hey! How'd you get in here?! This place is off-limits, bud! Beat it!
[Dolion smacks Sixty-Two away]
Dolion: I seem to be lost. Be a dutiful officer and direct this senior citizen to Cargo Processing. [Killix points towards Cargo Processing] Your cooperation is appreciated. [charges through the door]
Killix: I'm puttin' in my two weeks.
[Beebs is walking through the hallway with an x-ray in his hands when he bumps into Armstrong carrying a small box]
Armstrong: Hey, I'm walkin' here!
Beebs: Sorry, officer.
Armstrong: Damn Walrinians thinking they own the spot.
Puntiagudo: Mother Cwystal fwiend?
Beebs: Punti? That you? Hey, little guy.
Puntiagudo: [from inside the box] Where's Mother Cwystal? Did they take him away too?
Armstrong: Hey, shut it! [shakes the box]
Beebs: Hey!
Armstrong: I will use the syringe.
Beebs: Now, wait a minute!
Armstrong: [aims his gun at Beebs] This is L.A.W. business. Back off.
[Puntiagudo whimpers sadly]
Beebs: Sounds like this is my business. [readies his weapon when the alarms go off]
Armstrong: You better run along, Merc. Things are about to get... cataclysmic. [fires his gun at a fire extinguisher, creating a smokescreen and runs away with Puntiagudo]
Puntiagudo: LEMME GO! NO, GO AWAY!!
[Beebs looks at the x-ray, crumples it up and tosses and aside as he chases after Armstrong]
[a naked Shrike and a sentient vending machine manages to stop Dolion from stealing the crate by tripping him with two soda cans]
Shrike: Alright, hombre de metal!
Machine: All... right!
[the crate smashes the vending machine, sending Shrike flying into a wall; a tiny green capsule rolls up to him and he picks it up; Dolion runs back the crate and starts picking up the capsules that have fallen out]
Dolion: Inert? Do not worry. I will have you home soon. [sees Shrike holding the capsule] RETURN THAT TO ME!!! [Shrike puts the capsule in his gem right before Dolion pins him down; his true form is revealed as he looks for the capsule] What trickery is this? [sees the gem] No... Are you...?
Tezzorree: DOLION METHUSELAH KROE!!!!! [aims several guns at Dolion]
Dolion: Ah... What a pleasure this is... Primary Red's Puppet.
Tezzorree: Foul abomination! You took a massive risk coming here! Relinquish Green to me! Now!
Dolion: As my species was once fond of saying... "No risk, no reward." The reward is the future. It is on the horizon, dear puppet. There is no stopping what is to come. [generates a sonic boom and runs carrying Shrike and the crate, blasting a hole in the wall; Shrike blasts at the arm with his gun, releasing Dolion's grip and Tezzorree patches up the hole]
Tezzorree: By the great spectrum... All units report to your vessels at once! Sanchez, do not intefere!
Shrike: I can help!
Tezzorree: Leave now. And put some clothes on, for Spectrum's sake. [disappears]
[Shrike angrily puts his Red suit back on and runs to the Bucket]
[Shrike and Beebs see each other again after they both de-active the forcefield protecting the Bucket]
Beebs: I thought you were getting your gear removed!
Shrike: And I thought you had someplace to be!
Beebs: What did you do?!
Shrike: It's not my fault this time!
Beebs: [in time with Shrike] We gotta get Punti!
Shrike: [in time with Beebs] We gotta get the box!
[Dolion escapes into his ship; Tezzorree targets the ship]
Red Suit: Suspect's vessel is almost in weapon's range.
Tezzorree: Aim to disable their warship. I want to take this heathen alive.
[the Red Ships fire their weapons at Dolion's ship, but it activates a shield that blocks the attacks]
Red Suit: No effect, ma'am.
[Tezzorree sees the Bucket flying towards Dolion's ship]
Tezzorree: Ugh, Sanchez!
[In the Bucket, Beebs sees Armstrong's ship entering blue space]
Beebs: Shrike, what are you doing?! We gotta get Punti!
Shrike: Who?!
Beebs: That little Lythop! You named him!
Shrike: I though you said there were no more!
Beebs: I said there was one left!
Shrike: So what?!
Beebs: "So what?!" Shrike, he's all alone!
Shrike: THEN HE SHOULD GET USED TO IT!!!!
[Beebs stares in shock; the Bucket pulls out its arm and tears a hole in Dolion's forcefield]
Tezzorree: Fire everything through that opening now!
[the Red ships fire their weapons through the opening, damaging the ship; the Bucket punches into the ships face, pushing it into the green portal]
Red Suit: Should we pursue, ma'am?
Tezzorree: No! We'll be torn asunder. Keep your distance!
[the Bucket pushes Dolion's ship further into the portal]
Beebs: Shrike, stop!
Shrike: This will work! We can make this right!
[the Bucket fires its gun onto the ship and pulls out Dolion]
Dolion: STAY AWAY, YOU DAMNABLE FOOL!!! YOU'LL RUIN EVERYTHING!!!
Shrike: [pulls back on the arm's control] LO TENGO!!!!
[the arm pulls out the crate]
Dolion: GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!! [his ship disappears]
[the crates sends energy to the Bucket's controls, corrupting them and shocking Shrike; the energy then leaps out of his gem and into Beebs' nose; The Bucket disappears]
Red Suit: Orders, Commander?
Tezzorree: Recall the fleet. I'll inform Primary Red of the situation once we have this current outbreak under control.
[Atlantica's camera crew have recorded the whole thing]
Atlantica: Did you get all of that? [her camera crew nod]
[Shrike wakes up from a nightmare to find find an unconscious Beebs]
Shrike: Beebs? Beebs! [floats up to Beebs] Beebs! Beebs... Amigo? [puts his ear to Beebs' chest and hears a faint heartbeat] Ohh, okay. We're good. We're good. We're... [looks outside to find that the Bucket is in the Quarantine Zone] Donde diablos estamos?
Agent K: [appears behind Shrike] I'd wager somewhere in the Q.Z., my good fellow. You ain't going anywhere anytime soon. How 'bout it, gem for brains? Care for a little... heart-to-heart?

Cast

[edit]
  • Jacob Barrens - Shrike Sanchez
  • Jean-Francois Donaldson - Bulldog "Beebs" Browns
  • Chris Zito - Scratch
  • Niko Vargas - Queen Tyneen
  • Logan Calderwood - Ricket
  • Puntiagudo - Kelly "Chi-Chi" Boyer
  • Killix/Sixty-Two - Matt Curtis
  • Agent K - Lou Haroldson
  • Jaw Bone - Vargskelethor Joel
[edit]
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