Mr. Bean's Holiday
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- Story by Simon McBurney, screenplay by Hamish McColl and Robin Driscoll, and directed by Steve Bendelack.
- Back! Back! Back a bit.
- [repeated line] Gracias.
- [imitating Sabine after she insults a car overtaking them] Espce de canard!
- [First lines; Mr. Bean drives to a raffle being held at a church fete]
- Vicar: Three one! Thirty-one. Ah, Mrs. Lucas!
- Mrs. Lucas: Over here!
- Vicar: Congratulations, Mrs. Lucas. And now to the first prize in today's raffle in aid of the "roof appeal." [Bean pops out of the crowd] Thank you Lily. [A nearby little girl named Lily turns on her iPod, causing "La Mer" to play] Indeed. The magnificent holiday to the south of France, kindly sponsored by Dalesborough Travel Limited. [everybody at the church including Bean clap their hands] So thank you guys. The winner of this prize will travel by Eurostar train to Paris then catch the fast train south before spending the week on the beaches of the French Riviera. This fabulous prize also includes 200 euros spending money and Barbara, this wonderful video camera kindly donated by A&K Electrics of Arbor Road. The winner of this amazing prize is: 9-1-9. [Bean sees that his ticket number is 6-1-6 which disgruntles him and causes him to throw it on a toy truck] Nine one nine. Anybody have ticket 9-1-9? [Bean sees his ticket number upside down which reads 919, surprising him] If there is no claimant, I'll have to pick another ticket from the bucket. Anyone? [right before the vicar gets another ticket from the bucket Bean quickly raises his ticket up as 9-1-9]
- Mr. Bean: Yes! [everybody looks back at Bean and cheer as Bean joyfully walks to the stage, triumphant about winning the prize]
- Waitress on Train: Un caf?
- Mr. Bean: Oui.
- Waitress on Train: Du sucre?
- Mr. Bean: Non.
- Waitress on Train: You speak very good French.
- Mr. Bean: Gracias.
- [Bean wakes up on what appears to be a quiet French village until seeing a tank and several soldiers attack the village and unwittingly collides into Sabine dressed as a waitress while running for his life]
- Carson Clay: Cut! Cut, cut! [the soldiers and Sabine stop acting while Bean stands puzzled] What the hell is he doing?! Where did he come from? Some of us here are trying to make a work of art! Everyone, back in position!
- [a crew member grabs Bean by the arm and walks off]
- Carson Clay: Get him in something different and put him in the background. [to the waitress] You, sweetheart. You never stop, okay? Remember, you're crazy for the taste of Fruzzi yogurt. [points to a yogurt container with the name "Fruzzi" full of strawberries in which a hand sprays scent on it] Well, how long does it take to reset? Then WHY IS EVERYONE MOVING IN SLOW MOTION?!
- News Reporter: Cannes jury member Emil Dachevsky, the Russian film director, explained that his son Stepan was last seen on a train with a mysterious foreigner.
- Train Station Manager: As soon as I saw him, I thought "he's evil."
- Carson Clay: Action! [the commercial goes as normal with Bean dressed in military outfit while holding his camera on the tip of his gun] Cut! [the soldiers along with Bean stop running] The guy with the video camera is fired!
- Female Crew Member: [holding up a megaphone] Fired.
- Carson Clay: [upon seeing Bean walking while seeing that his camera's battery is dying] YOU'RE FIRED!
- [Bean falls down; later, Bean looks for a place to charge his camera when he notices a plug of one of the machines used for the special effects in which he unplugs it, causing the lights on the machine to turn off]
- Male Crew Member 1: Are you ready?
- Male Crew Member 2: Yep.
- Carson Clay: Action! [the whole commercial goes as normal until the tank fires its gun in which the windows of a nearby building used in the set does not explode due to the machine used for the special effects turned off] Cut! Cut, cut! My explosion! WHERE'S MY EXPLOSION?! All I want is an explosion, a little tiny explosion!
- [Bean unplugs his charger from his camera after its fully charged then plugs back the machine used for the special effects in which the lights turn back on]
- Carson Clay: [walking off the set with one of the male crew members] Is it really so hard for you guys? [grabs a remote control from the member] I mean, all you had to do is this! [presses a button on the remote, creating an explosion off-screen as Carson Clay's sombrero flies into the air]
- Sabine: [after finding out Mr Bean is wanted by the whole of France, angrily] Who are you? Where are you going?
- Mr. Bean: [takes out picture of Cannes and points to it] To the beach.
- Disaster has a passport
- One of these two has a brain the size of a peanut
- France doesn't stand a chance
- Disaster is a small step away
- Rowan Atkinson – Mr. Bean
- Emma de Caunes – Sabine
- Max Baldry – Stepan Dachevsky
- Willem Dafoe – Carson Clay