Muppet Babies

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Jim Henson's Muppet Babies is an animated television series that aired from 1984 to 1991 on the CBS Television Network.

Season One[edit]

Raiders of the Lost Muppet [1.04][edit]

Gonzo: Let's synchronize our watches.
Scooter: We don't have any watches.
Gonzo: That's okay, I don't know what synchronize means anyway.

Fozzie: This fantasy is rated PG. We're under age.

Skeeter: Rowlf can pick up the scent.
Rowlf: I didn't know anybody dropped it.

Close Encounters of the Frog Kind [1.09][edit]

Kermit: They don't call me the fastest gum in the west for nothing, ya know.

Piggy: [reading to Robin] Once there was a little green tadpole and he got chased down a tadpole hole.
Gonzo: Hey, Piggy, don't you mean a little rabbit that got chased down a rabbit hole?
Piggy: I say it's a little green tadpole that got chased down a tadpole hole and unless you want to get shoved into a weirdo hole you'd better keep quiet!

Kermit: I never asked to be an uncle.
Skeeter: No one asks to be an uncle. Your big sister has babies, that makes you their aunt or uncle and them your niece or nephew.
Kermit: Oh, well that's different.

Gonzo's Video Show [1.10][edit]

Gonzo: [trying to adjust video camera] Hey, stay in focus. You're fuzzy.
Fozzie: No way, Gonzo. I'm not Fuzzy, I'm Fozzie.

[The Muppets are making a movie; Gonzo is directing.]
Piggy: Moi is going to be the producer.
Kermit: Gee, what do producers do, Piggy?
Piggy: That's very simple, Kermy. THEY FIRE DIRECTORS! (lunges at Gonzo)

[after the Muppets decide to make a Star Wars movie]
Fozzie: Oh, I know who I can play! [grabs two belts] I could play Whewbacca the Cookie!
Kermit: Um, that's Chewbacca the Wookie, Fozzie.
Fozzie: That's what I said, Cuchacca the Bookie.

Season Two[edit]

Fozzie's Last Laugh [2.03][edit]

Piggy: Scooter, if you had ten hot dogs and Skeeter took three of them, what would you have?
Fozzie: He'd have a tummy ache. Get it? Ha ha. Wokka wokka wokka.

Piggy: If you have to tell jokes then tell them to the wall.
Fozzie: Okay, hey wall, why did the man put a sweater on his hot dog? Because it was a chili dog. Wokka wokka wokka.

Fozzie: What's the difference between an orange?
Nanny: Go ahead, Fozzie, finish the joke.
Fozzie: It *is* finished. *That's* the joke.

Fozzie has given up on comedy and now taken a job as a door-to-door salesman
Piggy: Who is it?
Fozzie: Door-to-door salesman.
Piggy: Is this anything funny?
Fozzie: Not at all, M'aam. These are unique encyclopedias.
Piggy: OK, come on in.
Fozzie: These encyclopedia are where you open it up, the subject comes to you! Look at "P", a parrot!
Parrot appears
Piggy: Neat! How about "O"?
Fozzie: Careful, because you may get the...water appears...ocean!
Ocean destroys entire house save for couch, where Piggy and Fozzie are now adrift on
Piggy: Quick! Open up "N" and get us the Navy!
Oranges appear on couch
Fozzie: I got us navel oranges!

The Muppet Museum of Art [2.11][edit]

Fozzie: How do you like my painting? I call it "Still-Life With Tomatoes."
[Scooter retches]
Rowlf: I think you oughta stick to telling jokes, Fozzie.

When you Wish Upon a Muppet [2.13][edit]

Piggy: I know what Kermit's wish is. It's that we get married.
Kermit: I don't wanna waste a wish.
Piggy: WHAT?
Kermit: Uh, on something that's gonna happen anyway.

Season Three[edit]

Pigerella [3.01][edit]

[In a Cinderella parody]
Piggy: [answering the door] Who is it? You never know when the Big Bad Wolf might turn up.

Muppets in Toyland [3.04][edit]

Fozzie: [Hops on toy motorcycle but it will not go] Aw gee, my imagination must be outta gas.

The Muppet Broadcasting Company [3.05][edit]

[After the power to the nursery is lost]
Gonzo: Come on, let's set up the dominos again.
Skeeter: But we won't be able to see them.
Fozzie: That's okay. We didn't see them the first time either.
Others: Fozzie!
Fozzie: Sorry.

"Fozzie Burns": Tell me Animal Allen, what do you call a grape fish with jelly on it?
"Animal Allen": Dinner! [Laughs hysterically]
[Audience laughs]
"Fozzie Burns": No no, that's not right! You call a grape fish with jelly on it a Grape Jellyfish! Wokka wokka wokka!
[Audience boos and throws tomatoes]
"Fozzie Burns": Wait wait! I got a better one! Tell me Animal Allen, what do you call a kangaroo in Scotland?
"Animal Allen": Dinner! [Laughs hysterically and falls off chair]
[Audience laughs]
"Fozzie Burns": No no, that's not right! You call a kangaroo in Scotland long distance. Get it? Wokka wokka wokka.
[Audience boos again and Fozzie gets hit with tomatoes]
"Fozzie Burns": Gee, it's a good thing the audience at home can't throw tomatoes at me.
[Home listeners throw tomatoes from their homes right into the theater at Fozzie]
"Fozzie Burns": Gosh, I wonder what you call a comedian that isn't funny?
"Animal Allen": Fozzie! [Laughs again]
[Audience laughs]
"Fozzie Burns": [Dejectedly] Say goodnight, Animal.

Beaker: Meep, meep meep meep.
Bunsen: How am I going to get us out of this mess? Elephant fleas, my dear Beaker, all we have to do is not listen to the next episode.

Kermit Goes to Washington [3.06][edit]

Scooter: Abraham Lincoln was president during the Civil War. He helped free the slaves and wrote the Gettysburg address.
Kermit: Um, what is the Gettysburg address?
Statue of Abe Lincoln: Why, 227 Gettysburg Road of course.

Scooter: When I grow up, I'm going to run for Congress.
Fozzie: Gee, it's a long way to Washington, Scooter, maybe you should start running now.

Fozzie's Family Tree [3.07][edit]

Fozzie is on a quest to find comedian ancestors. He finds himself in a football stadium with anthromorphic bears wearing football uniforms
Fozzie: Wow! The Chicago Bears! Hey, why are you so glum?
Football Player #1: We are champion football players.
Fozzie: What's wrong with that?
Football Player #2: We want to be comedians!
Fozzie: I can help with that! Huddle up, guys.
Football players huddle with Fozzie, who tells them a joke
Football Player #3: 24-36-72-Joke!
Football Player #2: Why is it always cool at a football game?
Football Player #1: Because there are always a lot of fans in the bleachers! Wokka, wokka, wokka!
Audience boos and throws tomatoes at football players. Annoyed, they chase Fozzie out of the stadium

The Daily Muppet [3.08][edit]

Kermit is dreaming he is resting on a lilypad in a pond. Suddenly he is abuducted by a submarine full of frogs like him wearing his sailor outfit
Frog Sailor: Enemy sighted, Captain!
Captain: You are just what we need for our submarine!
Kermit salutes
Kermit: I will do my best, Captain.
Captain: Oh, we do not need another sailor. We need a torpedo!
Two frog sailors load Kermit into the torpedo tube, which then jars him awake from his nightmare

Scooter's Uncommon Cold [3.09][edit]

Fozzie: That way, we can go inside Scooter and help him fight off his Germans.
Skeeter: That's "germs," silly.
Fozzie: That's what I said.

Rowlf: Whatcha lookin’ for, Kermit?
Kermit: This, we can use it like a road map.
Rowlf: Yeah, but how will we get around once we’re inside Scooter’s body?
Animal: Me know, me know, wawawawawawa.
Kermit: Quick, follow Animal.
Fozzie: Animal, where are you?
Kermit: He disappeared.
Animal: Submarine, wawawawawawa.
Kermit: That’s perfect, Animal, this’ll work great, come on, let’s go.
Piggy: Hey, where do we get into Scooter’s body when we’re tiny?
Gonzo: There’s only 1 place that I know, his bellybutton.
All 5 Muppet Babies Characters: Huh?
Skeeter: Are you sure, Gonzo?
Gonzo: Of course.
Scooter: (Chuckling) Hey, that’s cold. (Sneezes again)
Kermit: Okay, guys, let’s do it.
Kermit: Okay, here we go.

Viruses are threatening the Babies. Meanwhile, Scooter drank some orange juice, which has just entered his body
Viruses: Vitamin C, OH NO! Run, get out of here!
Some viruses flee, but their leader does not
Virus Leader: Quick! Put on your Anti-Vitamin C masks!
Remaining viruses don gas-mask like gear and survive attack. The Babies are still prisoner

Gonzo got separated from the Babies and is in the brain, the only of the Babies not held prisoner by the viruses
Gonzo{talking to himself}: This looks like a filing cabinet. Opens cabinet and sees pictures of Babies, to include Kermit, Rowlf, Piggy and Beeker Memory photos! Gonzo finds picture of himself blowing a gum bubble Oh no, this must be the time I stole his bubble gum! Gonzo destroys photo Heh heh, he will not remember that now!
Offscreen voice: Hold it right there! Just what do you think you are doing?
Gonzo looks around in shock to see what look like several cowboys
Gonzo: Uh, uh, who are you?
Cowboy: Name is Sheriff White Cell, and it is my job to keep order and stop outlaws in Scooter's body.

Of Mice and Muppets [3.15][edit]

[In a Pied Piper parody]
Piggy: Once upon a time, there was a little town called Hamster.
Skeeter: I have heard this one. The town is named Hamlin, not Hamster!
Piggy: This is my story and the town is Hamster! Anyway, it was ruled by a nice mayor who gave all the kids hamsters.
Fozzie: Hamsters, get your free hamsters!
Kermit: Piggy, they are rats. Besides, in the original story, the mayor is supposed to be the bad guy.
Piggy: Eek, rats! No, my story has a kind mayor and hamsters! Anyway, there were so many hamsters they needed someone to cajole them out. Along came the Pied Piano Player!
Rowlf is hauling a grand piano
Rowlf: UGGG! Sure wish I had learned how to play the flute!

Season Four[edit]

Where No Muppet Has Gone Before [4.04][edit]

Fozzie: Gravity. Isn't that what we put on mashed potatoes?
Bunsen: That's gravity, not gravy Fozzie.
Fozzie: Oh, I knew that.

Journey to the Center of the Nursery [4.05][edit]

Fozzie: This is one of the worst peanut butter and traffic jams I've ever seen. Get it? Peanut butter, traffic jam?
All: We got it.

Gonzo: We love working in salt mines, right guys?
All: Gonzo!
Fozzie: Yeah we don't even mind pepper.
All: Fozzie!

This Little Piggy went to Hollywood [4.06][edit]

Fozzie: Don't worry Piggy, I'm a professional - OOPS! [drops his cue cards]
Piggy: You're a professional oops all right.

My Muppet Valentine [4.07][edit]

Scooter: What happened, Fozzie?
Fozzie: Rowlf went into the closet to think about my joke. He'll probably come out when he thinks it's funny.
Skeeter: Boy, we'll never see him again.
Fozzie: Yeah... Huh?

Fozzie: Hey, Rowlf, wanna hear a funny joke?
Rowlf: No thanks, Fozzie.
Fozzie: Okay here it goes: what food do you eat with your mouth open? Give up? *See* food. Get it? Wokka, wokka, wokka.

Adventures in Muppet-Sitting [4.15][edit]

Piggy: I've always wanted to be a baby sitter!
Fozzie: Me too! Who gets to sit on him first?

[In a Red Riding Hood parody]
Gonzo: Grandma bought some swampland in the Dagobah system.

Unknown Episodes[edit]

Fozzie: This looks like a joke I once told.
Rowlf: You can't see a joke, Fozzie.
Fozzie: You can once you get hit with tomatoes.

Kermit: That book is 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.
Fozzie: Gee, a story about an under water bowling team?

Gonzo: Maybe my brain isn't working right.
Rowlf: Your brain's never worked right, Gonzo.
Gonzo: Oh yeah, I forgot.

Kermit: Hey, did you guys see what I heard?

Miles: We gotta take five.
Fozzie: Five? Why can't we all go?

Fozzie: [Looking at ancient statues resembling Gonzo] These guys do kinda look like Gonzo's brothers.
Piggy: You can say that again.
Fozzie: Okay, these guys do kinda look like Gonzo's bro...
Piggy: Don't push it, Fozzie.

In a fantasy where Kermit is a 1920s detective akin to Sam Spade
Piggy: Oh Kermit. You saved me and my millions. How can I ever repay you?
Kermit: Um, well about two bucks for gas oughta cover it.
Piggy: WHAT?
Kermit: On second thought, let's just call it even, keep the money.

Fozzie: We all have a lullaby.
Kermit: I think you mean alibi.
Fozzie: That's what I said, lullaby.

Gonzo: Awww, Piggy called me a nerd. Next I'll be the nerd of her dreams.

Gonzo: Weird is my middle name.

The Babies are on another planet in the court of a female despot, but they think they are at a rocket dealership. Live action from Flash Gordon is used
Piggy: Are you sure we are at a place to buy rockets?
One of the Queen's soldiers is shown
Fozzie: Sure, check out that man, he looks like a rocket salesman.
Soldier: Her Majesty, the Queen!
Footage of the female despot is shown
Fozzie: Ooh, the Queen! I bet she is going to buy an expensive rocket.
Queen: You have trespassed in my realm and must be punished!
Fozzie: Hey, are you in need of a court jester? Here is one: what do you call a queen who plays golf? Give up? The Queen of Clubs! Wokka, wokka, wokka!

Scooter: This is really weird.
Gonzo: Yeah, isn't it great?

Mr. Big: We don't serve comedians here.
Fozzie: Good, 'cause I don't wanna eat one.

Fozzie: What do you call a yo-yo that goes down but won't come up? A yo. Wokka wokka wokka.

Piggy: Here's your order, Kermie.
Kermit: Gee, thanks Piggy but I didn't order anything.

Fozzie: [Has body of fish instead of tail] Personally, I don't think this Mer-Bear stuff is so hot.
Kermit: Um, Fozzie, I think you have your imagination on backwards. Your legs are supposed to look like a fish, not your head.
Fozzie: Oh, I knew that.

Fozzie: Maybe I should tell them a joke.
Kermit: I don't think so, Fozzie, we're in enough trouble as it is.
Fozzie: Yeah... Huh?

Skeeter: What's that crunching sound?
Gonzo: [chewing] That? Uh, that must be termites! Didn't I tell you my nose is made of wood?
Skeeter: Uh-uh.
Gonzo: Uh-huh! It's true! Pinocchio was my cousin.

Piggy: You can't fool me. You stole that move from James Bond.
Gonzo: And I stole this move from Michael Jackson.
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