Mystery Team

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Mystery Team is a 2009 comedy film about a group of former Encyclopedia Brown-style child-detectives who struggle to solve an adult mystery.

Directed by Dan Eckman. Written by Donald Glover, DC Pierson, Dominic Dierkes, and Dan Eckman.
One big case. Zero clue.


  • Oh okay, so we're definitely not just taking off clothes then, gotcha'.


  • The door's locked! McGinty, you clever dog!
  • If any teachers ask where Eric went, tell them that three grown-ups took him off the playground to teach him a lesson about sticking his finger in things.
  • Sorry I'm late, everybody. My science teacher says my thesis needs to prove something... but I think listing all the dinosaurs proves there was a lot of dinosaurs.
  • Looks like we've got a long night of cocaine ahead of us.
  • We're keeping evidence from the police, okay? We could go to jail! You know what happens in jail? No T.V.!
  • Goodnight sweet hobo. May your bindle be heavy with treasures, but your heart be light with song.


  • Decorative pillows? What is this, the White House?
  • Paper plates? Are you expecting the pope?


  • Frank! Sometimes I wish you didn't beat that cancer. I really do.


  • There's something fishy going on down at the sardine factory! I think it's fish!


  • When I was fifteen years old, when I got this job, I said to myself, "I am going to work here until the day that I kill myself."
  • Hey! Are you squeezing that bread? We had a deal! We had a deal you fucking animal! What the f...ah dude, did you fuck this bread? You fucked the shit out of this bread. You don't fuck bread. Every fucking thing!
  • You remind me a little of me. You know what I'm going to call you from now on, "Little Me". I just came up with that right now.
  • Paying you in advance, buddy!


Jason: She's really something, it's just... I'm no good with girls.
Frank: Oh, you're whipped! [imitates whipping]
Jim: [interrupting] Frank! Sometimes I wish you didn't beat that cancer. I really do.

Kelly: [holding the ring] Where did you find this?
Jason: It's a long story.
Charlie: No, it's not. A stripper peed it into a toilet.

Jason: Ah! Cinnamon sticks!
Charlie: Ah! Chinese checkers!
Duncan: Fuck! Yeah, that's right. I've been saying "fuck". Going in the backyard and trying it out.

Duncan: Honestly, this is breaking and entering, okay? It's illegal.
Jason: But, it's for justice, so it's legal again.

Duncan: Our most consistent customer has Alzheimer's!
Jason: Mrs. Kimmel does not have Alzheimer's!
Duncan: She bakes fifty pies a day for her dead husband. Most of the pies are filled with soap.

Jason: We are mature and legitimate detectives.
Kelly: What the hell is that smell?
Duncan: I drank dog urine.


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