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The damnedest thing you ever saw! (taglines)
- When I ask for Pig, I want Pig. Now you get me Pig, and then we'll be ready to record this here tune.
- You get your hair cut. You don't belong in Nashville.
- [after rioting nearly breaks out following gunshots] Y'all take it easy now. This isn't Dallas, it's Nashville! They can't do this to us here in Nashville! Let's show them what we're made of. Come on everybody, sing! Somebody, sing!
Hal Phillip Walker
- Fellow taxpayers and stockholders in America. On the first Tuesday in November, we have to make some vital decisions about our management. Let me go directly to the point. I'm for doing some replacing. I've discussed the Replacement Party with people all over this country and I'm often confronted with the statement - 'I don't want to get mixed up in politics,' or 'I'm tired of politics,' or 'I'm not interested.' Almost as often, someone said, 'I can't do anything about it anyway.' Let me point out two things. Number One: All of us are deeply involved with politics whether we know it or not and whether we like it or not. And Number Two: We can do something about it. When you pay more for an automobile than it cost Columbus to make his first voyage to America, that's politics.
- There is no question about being involved. The question is what to do. It is the very nature of government to strain at a man who swallowed a camel. As loyal citizens, we accept our take-home pay, understand most of the deductions, and even, to a degree, come to expect them. However, when the government begins to force its citizens to swallow the camel, it's time to pause and do some accounting.
- Who do you think is running Congress? Farmers? Engineers? Teachers? Businessmen? No, my friends. Congress is run by lawyers. A lawyer is trained for two things and two things only. To clarify – that's one. And to confuse – that's the other. He does whichever is to his client's advantage. Did you ever ask a lawyer the time of day? He told you how to make a watch, didn't he? Ever ask a lawyer how to get to Mr. Jones' house in the country? You got lost, didn't you? Congress is composed of 535 individuals. Two hundred and eighty-eight are lawyers. And you wonder what's wrong in Congress. No wonder we often know how to make a watch, but we don't know the time of day.
- Does it make sense that the churches should remain untaxed on their vast holdings of land and corporate investments? Does it makes sense that a multi-million dollar income should go untaxed year after year? Know all will not be easy, but we will bask in the satisfaction of having done what we should have done, and if we don't get it done today, we may run out of tomorrows.
- I have a theory about political assassination. You see, I believe that people like Madame Pearl and all these people here in this country who carry guns are the real assassins. Because you see, they stimulate other people who are perhaps innocent and who eventually are the ones who pull the trigger.
Howard K. Smith
- A little more than a year ago, a man named Hal Phillip Walker excited a group of college students with some questions. Have you stood on a high and windy hill and heard the acorns drop and roll? Have you walked in the valley beside the brook? Have you walked alone and remembered? Does Christmas smell like oranges to you? Within a commencement speech, such questions were fitting, perhaps, but hardly the material with which to launch a presidential campaign. Even those who pay close attention to politics probably saw Hal Phillip Walker and his Replacement Party as a bit of frost on the hillsides. Summer, if not late spring, would surely do away with all that. Well, now that summer along with presidential primaries is heavy upon us and the frost is still there, perhaps we should take a closer look. Hal Phillip Walker is, in a way, a mystery man. Out of nowhere with a handful of students and scarcely any pros, he's managed to win three presidential primaries and is given a fighting chance to take a fourth - Tennessee. A win in that state would take on added significance, for only once in the last fifty years has Tennessee failed to vote for the winning presidential candidate. No doubt many Americans, especially party-liners, wish that Hal Phillip Walker would go away, disappear like the natural frost and come again at some more convenient season. But wherever he may be going, it seems sure that Hal Phillip Walker is not going away. For there is genuine appeal and it must be related to the raw courage of this man. Running for President, willing to battle vast oil companies, eliminate subsidies to farmers, tax churches, abolish the Electoral College, change the National Anthem, and remove lawyers from government - especially from Congress. Well at this point, it would be wise to say most of us don't know the answer to Hal Phillip Walker. But to answer one of his questions, as a matter of fact, Christmas has always smelled like oranges to me.
- Marthe ("L. A. Joan"): Hi, Tom, could you sign my record?
- Tom Frank: You better get off that diet before you ruin yourself.
- Triplette: I know you're astute politically and I'm certainly not here to sell you a bill of goods.
- Bill: I don't care. I don't care about politics, no.
- Triplette: OK, great. Well, let me tell ya then. I've got a problem but I think it will work to your advantage. As you know, this red-neck music is very popular right now. I've got an awful lot of these local yokels on the bill, you know, singing...
- Bill: Your basic country folk...
- Triplette: ...country crap-ola, right. So, I think, uh, what I'm going for is a broader appeal, you know.
- Bill: Which is where we would fit in.
- Triplette: I want to get more than just the Southern, and uh, I think that you could really hit - a group like yours could walk off with the evening.
- Bill: Yeah. We're probably the only rock group on the...
- Triplette: Absolutely.
- Bill: Sounds good. Sounds inviting.
- Triplette: Yeah, and I do think you get a lot of, a big audience from these country guys.
- Bill: Is this just network or is it, uh ...?
- Triplette: No, it's better, it's really better than network. It's going to be syndicated, so I mean, hell, they're going to be showing it for a year and a half.
- Mary: I'm not dressing like we're twins anymore.
- Bill: We're not twins! We're a trio!
- Wild. Wonderful. Sinful. Laughing. Explosive.
- The Home of Country Music
- The damnedest thing you ever saw!
- Barbara Baxley - Lady Pearl
- Ned Beatty - Delbert Reese
- Karen Black - Connie White
- Ronee Blakley - Barbara Jean
- Timothy Brown - Tommy Brown
- Keith Carradine - Tom Frank
- Geraldine Chaplin - Opal
- Robert DoQui - Wade Cooley
- Shelley Duvall - Marthe (L.A. Joan)
- Allen Garfield - Barnett
- Henry Gibson - Haven Hamilton
- Scott Glenn - Pfc. Glenn Kelly
- Jeff Goldblum - Tricycle Man
- Barbara Harris - Winifred/Albuquerque
- Michael Murphy - John Triplette
- Allan F. Nicholls - Bill
- Dave Peel - Bud Hamilton
- Cristinia Raines - Mary
- Bert Remsen - Star
- Lily Tomlin - Linnea Reese
- Gwen Welles - Sueleen Gay
- Keenan Wynn - Mr. Green
- Howard K. Smith - Himself