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- [to David] Have a drink with your old man. Be somebody!
- [upon learning Woody has "won" a million dollars] I never knew the son of a bitch even wanted to be a millionaire! He should have thought about that years ago and worked for it!
- I ain't fiddlin' with no cow titties. I'm a city girl!
- [lifts her dress and flashes a tombstone] You see this? You could have had all this to yourself, and look what you missed out on.
- Ross Grant: [in a physical altercation with his cousin] Hey, watch the face, okay? I'm on TV.
- Kate Grant: That's Ed Pegram singing. [to Woody] Did you know that he was always trying to get in my bloomers?
- David Grant: Jesus Mom! Was the whole town trying to seduce you?
- Kate Grant: These boys grow up staring at the rear ends of cows and pigs, it's only natural that a real woman will get them chafing their pants.
- Kate Grant: [looking at graves] There's Woody's little sister, Rose. She was only nineteen when she was killed in a car wreck near Wausa. What a whore!
- David Grant: Mom!
- Kate Grant: Nah, I liked Rose, but my God, she was a slut.
- David Grant: C'mon...
- Kate Grant: I'm just telling you the truth!
- David Grant: Where's your family?
- Kate Grant: Oh, they're over in the Catholic cemetery. Catholics wouldn't be caught dead around all these damn Lutherans. [approaches another tombstone] Here's Delmer, Woody's cousin, he was a drunk. One time we were wrestling and he felt me up. Grabbed a handful of boob and Woody was right there and didn't have a clue, did ya Woody?
- Receptionist: [about Woody] Does he have Alzheimer's?
- David Grant: No, he just believes what people tell him.
- Receptionist: That's too bad.
- Aunt Betty: Now Kate, we only want what's fair and what's fair is if Woody lends us back some money.
- Kate Grant: You can all go fuck yourselves!
- Aunt Flo: Martha, where's Bart and Cole?
- Aunt Martha: Oh, they're off doing some volunteer work picking up trash off the streets.
- Kate Grant: It's community service; for Bart's rape.
- Aunt Martha: Sexual assault!
- Kate Grant: What's the difference?
- Aunt Martha: A huge difference... it's... well... the boys can explain it to you better than I can...
- Kate Grant: Why do you want meatloaf if it isn't even on the dinner menu?
- Woody Grant: 'Cause I like it.
- Waitress: What can I get you?
- Woody Grant: Do you have any meatloaf?
- Waitress: No, that's only part of our lunch specials.
- Kate Grant: He'll have the chicken.
- Waitress: Fried or grilled?
- Woody Grant: Fried.
- Kate Grant: He'll have it grilled. I think I'd like the roast beef, but I'm not entirely sure. What do you recommend?
- Waitress: Everything's all good ma'am, but I especially like the tilapia.
- Kate Grant: Oh, then I'll have the roast beef.
- David Grant: I'll have the tilapia.
- Receptionist: [after telling Woody he hasn't won the money] I can give you a free gift. Would you like a hat or a seat cushion?
- David Grant: Dad? Do you want a hat or a seat cushion?
- Woody Grant: I'll take a hat.
- Bruce Dern - Woody Grant
- Will Forte - David Grant
- June Squibb - Kate Grant
- Stacy Keach - Ed Pegram
- Bob Odenkirk - Ross Grant
- Mary Louise Wilson - Aunt Martha
- Missy Doty - Noel
- Angela McEwan - Pegy Nagy
- Rance Howard - Uncle Ray
- Devin Ratray - Cole