Nothing but Trouble (1991 film)
Nothing but Trouble is a 1991 American comedy-horror film. Dan Aykroyd directed and starred in the film and also wrote the screenplay with his brother Peter. Chevy Chase, John Candy and Demi Moore round out the main cast, while Taylor Negron, Raymond J. Barry, Brian Doyle-Murray, Bertila Damas and Valri Bromfield provide supporting roles.
- Chris: Come on, death for running a stop sign?
- J.P.: *And* for being a banker! That's the double death.
- J.P.: You know, you are worse than a week of yellow shitstorms.
- Diane: [passing "No Cussing" sign] Oh, and no cussing.
- Chris: Oh, shit.
- Fausto: You've got a BMW. Act like it!
- Chris: They're Brazillionaires, they have breakfast at 2:00 PM in the afternoon.
- Diane: Let's just be quiet and let him do his little thing and we'll be on our way.
- J.P.: Oh, I will let you be on your way. And when you go...
- J.P.: THE CAT'S EYES'LL SPIN! NOW, LISTEN!
- Chris: Okay, we'll listen!
- J.P.: [calm again] Hey, hey, ha! Hoh ha! Heh, heh, heh, heh! Hoola, Hoola, Hoola! The Boola Boola Boola! Look who's got the front seats to the Mexican hat dance now! Just like a bunch of spiders in a birthday cake!
- J.P.: Welcome to Supper! [plunges an oil spout into a punch drink can] How about a nice Hawaiian Punch?
- Chris: Thank you, Judge. You know, there's nothing better at the end of a long day on the road than a nice warm glass of Hawaiian Punch.
- Fausto: You people are sick, wicked, funky, misanthropic, co-dependent animals! And I won't have my sister, who was once the Queen of the Mardi Gras, sitting at a table with a pickle-shooting train!
- Chris: Alvin, I was just thinking you've got enough vintage steel around here to make a few 1000 Toyotas. Ever think of selling the whole place to the Japanese?
- J.P.: There you go. Does the Pope wear a hat? Was Sergeant York's mother an angel? And will a banker grope for money?
- Chris: I'm not a banker, I'm a financial publisher.
- J.P.: Well, all I know is in '17 after they shipped me off to fight, some New York financier rolled into here one day and hog-glowsered and tub-wankled my grandfather into mining out the whole town in exchange for shares in something called the United Coke Company. Do you know who those stock certificates are worth today?
- J.P.: JUST ABOUT THE FINEST OUTHOUSE WALLPAPER YOU'VE EVER SEEN! We were forced to become what you drove through today; a burnt out coal field and the biggest icebox graveyard this side of the Ohio foundry belt! And that's why I *never* let a banker go!
- Fausto: So your grandpa made a lousy deal, is that our problem?
- Diane: Judge, that's a very tragic, tragic story.
- J.P.: I believe it is.
- Renalda: You should do a book.
- J.P.: If it was an ambulance you got a chance, if it's in a hearse, it's got to be worse!
- J.P.: You really put the pin in the party hog now, girl!
- J.P.: Get your Eye-talian loafers out of my bedpan!
- Mike: Evening, Mr. Throne.
- Chris: [getting out of the car] 110 blocks in less than 15 minutes, not bad for a one-eyed Russian immigrant.
- Fausto: Where are we going?
- Chris: We're going to Atlantic City, Fausto. Get in the trunk.
- Chris: I should have known. A Brazillionaire never forgets.
- J.P.: Go suck a bug.
- Chris: Thanks for the espresso maker... and the bag of shit.
- All they wanted was a little getaway. All they got was nothing but trouble.
- Chevy Chase - Chris Thorne
- Demi Moore - Diane Lightson
- John Candy - Dennis Valkenheiser/Eldona
- Dan Aykroyd - Judge Alvin 'J.P' Valkenheiser/Bobo
- Taylor Negron - Fausto
- Bertila Damas - Renalda
- Valri Bromfield - Miss Purdah
- Digital Underground - themselves