One on One (TV series)

One on One (2001-2006) is an American sitcom, airing on the now defunct UPN network, about a single sportscaster, who becomes a full-time dad when his teenage daughter moves in with him when his ex-wife decides to accept a job out of the country.

Season 1

When Flex Got Breanna [1.1]

Breanna: And I am behind your back and all your pickup lines is whack.

---

Flex: When my daughter is in town, my pants don't come down.

Jailbait [1.2]

Arnaz: You guys want to be my groupies?

Spirit and Breanna: No

Arnaz: Groupies get in free.

Spirit and Breanna: We can come

Arnaz: (singing) Baltimore Woman! Stay away from me. Baltimore Woman! Apartment 203! take my chances, hit the door! I don't want see your face no more! Now woman!

Breanna: Uh, I'm in apartment 8.

Arnaz: first you ruin our friendship, now my song!

Radioactive Platonic [1.3]

Flex: I don't care if he's your butcher, your baker, your candle stick maker

Flex: It won't be no rub a dub dubbing up in here.

Duane: in other words, splish splash your ass somewhere else

My Life as a Dog [1.5]

Breanna:[writing a letter to Tracy] Dear Tracy I hate you, you disgust me, missing much, Breanna.

Spirit: Girl you are baring your soul too much.

Arnaz: Especially for a guy who smells like Cheetos.

Playing Possum [1.7]

tiffiny:Your cheers are way to ghetto.

Breanna: Hold-up who she be callin' ghetto.

Tiffiny: You and your friend are spunky

Breanna: thanks we can keep a good attitude.

Tiffiny: I mean spunky the funky possum one can be the head and one could be the ass.

Mi Casa Es Mi Casa [1.10]

Flex: You are not Destiny's Child, you are my child so Beyonce yourself back in the room and change.

Tonya:What in the hell is going on here

Adventures in Double-Dating [1.15]

Spirit: So the whole breakup with Keith was fake.

Breanna: Girl, it was as fake as the Gucci boots his momma was wearing.

It's Raining Women [1.17]

Breanna: You're not going to tell my daddy I scratched his record.

Duane: Aw. The tears of a child, and yet I feel nothing.

Breanna: (mimicking Arnaz) Come on Bre. Lets relive the 80's. Its gonna be a stone cold groove.

Arnaz: Oh. Ok Ms. "You know." Uh-huh Uh-huh.

The Way You Make Me Feel [1.18]

Natasha: You must be Spirit. Breanna was right you're not afraid to take fashion risks.

Spirit: Yeah, girl. So you'll be surprised with what I can put together. BAM, my mama's old bathroom rug from yesterday, a new coat today. Girl, it's 2002, get with times.

Love Means Never Having to Say I Know You [1.19]

[Arnaz on the phone with Natasha]

Arnaz: I'm countin' the minutes till you get back from your grandma's, Natasha. No, I miss you more. Yes I do! Yes I do! Yes I do!

Spirit: Are you as disgusted as I am?

Breanna: Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am!

---

Natasha: Your lips are so soft.

Arnaz: So are yours, Breanna.

Natasha: BREANNA!?

Fatal Attractions [1.20]

Derrick: You wanna be down with us?

Arnaz: Me, a member of the McKinley Pros? AWESOME! I mean...hell yeah.

---

Breanna: That was really cool of you, Arnaz. Maybe I can forgive you for what you did with Natasha in my room.

Arnaz: Dang, Breanna. Do you really wanna know what happened with Natasha in your bedroom? Nothing! In fact, she broke up with me, and hasn't spoken to me since. You happy?

Misery [1.21]

Flex:take of care your self.

Tonya: Not before I take care of you Mr.Flex "Walk out on me" Washington.

He Got Game...Again [1.22]

Nicole: You know Flex, it looks like the only thing your gonna get is "best looking" in the team photo.

Flex: Yeah especially if you're in it.

Season 2

I Believe I Can Fly (1) [2.1]

Malik: Girl, you know you want me.

Vanessa: Please I need a sugar daddy not a milk dud.

I Believe I Can Fly (2) [2.2]

Nicole: Breanna we got to go. We need to buy you some winter panties.

Breanna: I know she did not just say panties. Dang I miss my dad.

---

Coach Guillory: What part of lights out don't you understand? Do I have to say it in Spanish? El light-os off-os!

[ At Breanna's house]

Nicole: What part of bedtime don't you understand? The bed or the time?

[at the room]

Flex: But, coach, I'm talking to my daughter

[at Breanna's house]

Breanna: But, Mommy, I'm talking to my Daddy.

Nicole: Breanna, it's late. Say "Bye-bye, Daddy".

[at the room]

Coach Guillory: Say "Bye-bye, babygirl".

[at Breanna's house]

Breanna: Bye, Daddy.

[at the room]

Flex: [imitating Guillory's voice] Bye-bye, babygirl.

---

Arnaz: Breanna, you know how I feel about you and I've never tried to hide it, and I think you feel the same way, but since your leaving I can understand if you dont' wanna say anyth-

Breanna: (kisses Arnaz)

Arnaz: If I'd known this was gonna happen, I wouldn't have had pickles for lunch. I would've had the salad. Poppyseed. Poppyseed tastes good.

Breanna: you talk to much

Give'em an Inch, They'll Throw a Rave [2.7]

Arnaz: Hey Foxy....

Cheryl: What did you say, boy?

Arnaz: [surprised] Momma???!!!

---

Cheryl: Flex, did you honestly think you could be able to trust your kid [rest of the parents laugh]

Season 3

Spy Games [3.10]

Breanna: I'll call her cab, moving van and ambulance!

The Catch [3.15]

Spirit: I can't believe we've been hanging out with the girl Arnaz lost his virginity to

Breanna: *Nothing*

Spirit: I can't believe that WE'VE been hanging out with the girl ARNAZ lost his virginity to

Breanna: *Nothing*

Spirit: I CAN'T BELIEVE-

Breanna: Enough Spirit! I can't believe we've been hanging out with the girl Arnaz lost his virginity to.

Arnaz: Breanna its me! Open up!

Breanna: Oh no. What do I say?

Spirit: How about, "We should change your name to "Light Switch", because anybody can turn you on."?

Breanna: No. That's all cool if you're immature. But me? I'm an actress. I have to give him "Cool Breanna". The "I don't care Breanna". *walks to door and opens it* Enter!

Arnaz: Breanna, I'm sorry about Charlotte. Look, I even wore an athletic cup for protection. Let me have it.

Breanna: *in British accent* Oh you silly boy. The only reason you would need a cup is for some tea. Would you care for a spot?

Arnaz: No thanks. I'm gonna go. *in British accent* Cheerio

Breanna: *in British accent* That went very well don't you think?

Spirit: Breanna, he's gone. You don't need that accent anymore.

Breanna: *in British accent* I very well do. Its bloody well keeping me from crying

Breanna and Spirit: I'm funky. You're funky. We're fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-funky.

Arnaz: I have to go. I have sex. I mean I have a test!

Arnaz: What are you doing here with...my friends.

No More Wire Hangers [3.20]

Breanna: I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. If he catches us, he's gonna kill us.

Arnaz: I can't think of a better way to die.

---

Jennifer: Whenever my dad starts drinking. I feel like it's my fault.

Ms. Swain: hmm. Why do you think you should feel responsible for your dad's drinking?

Arnaz: Yeah, you can't watch em 24/7. I mean, why should you have to? they're adults. Every disappointment in their lives shouldn't mean they have to get drunk and not care if the laundry's done. Or if you've had any dinner. Or if they've bathed in the last three days.

Mr. Swain: You sound angry.

Arnaz: Yeah, I'm angry. My dad's out of OUR lives. Doesn't she know that hurts me too? Maybe I should start drinking.

The Prodigal Brother [3.21]

Breanna: Daddy, I can't help it, if the mountain came to me.

Arnaz: Mountains...or boulders? [flexes his biceps]

Spirit: Arnaz, all of your showing off is giving me a headache.

Arnaz: Then, maybe you should take an aspirin, and wash it down with a...six pack! [lifts up his shirt, revealing his abs]

The Play's The Thing (1) [3.23]

Holly: Everyone's staring at us.

Flex: I know. It's like we're an exhibit at a tolerance museum.

Season 4

We'll Take Manhattan [4.1]

Breanna: My God, he's getting dumber by the minute. What did I ever see in him?

[Spirit lifts up Arnaz's shirt to show his abs]

Breanna: And, I'm back in.

---

[cell phone ring]

Spirit: It's my momma.

[cell phone ring]

Breanna: It's my daddy.

[cell phone ring]

Arnaz: It's my Duane.

---

Flex: Your ran away with my daughter, Arnaz. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't choke the life out you?

Zen Daddy [4.2]

Breanna: Daddy, its been a whole week, and Arnaz still hasn't called. And I'm pretty sure he knows how to use his phone, because I showed him again before we left.

Flex: Oh, baby. I'm sure he's fine. We would've heard something by now. I mean, that's what the 11-o-clock news is for.

Breanna: Daddy!

---

Arnaz: Did somebody say pizza?

---

Spirit: So, Arnaz slept all day?

Breanna: Yep. Lazy boy, with no goals, no direction, and no body fat. God, I love him.

Lost in the Headlights [4.10]

Flex: Nobody looks like the girls in the magazines! The girls in the magazines don't even look like the girls in the magazines! Baby Girl No Matter what you're beautiful.

Glug, Glug [4.19]

Spirit: My head hurts. This is worse than when my weave is too tight.

Season 5

One on One Remix [5.1]

Breanna: Ok Daddy. I'll go to California.

Flex: Thank you, Jesus!

Breanna: But Arnaz is coming with me.

Flex: Why me, Jesus?

Money's Tight and So Are My Abs [5.2]

D-Mack:[Talking to pet dog] "We can hit up the mall later. If I get some girls, I'll pay Lisa to let you hump her leg and Arnaz hits the boardwalk."

Study Buddy [5.5]

Arnaz: [reciting his poem about D-Mack trying to move in on Breanna] You're always talkin' about what you got. The stripes, the cheddar, the women you clot. Can you really be anymore than what I see? Cuz to me you're just 5ft 4 in a tight little Tee. You did you're little poem, but you didn't say much. And...you're so skinny, I can see your nipples touch. So back off, son. Please give it a rest. Unless, you think you're hard enough, to put me to the test.

Who's the Boss? [5.7]

Arnaz: At home, I'm the man.

D Mack: Who you trying to kid? We live with you jackass.

breanna:yea i'll hold on, your neck

External links

• One on One quotes at the Internet Movie Database