Our Idiot Brother
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- Directed by Jesse Peretz. Written by Evgenia Peretz and David Schisgall based on Jesse and Evgenia Peretz's story.
Nedrick "Ned" Rochlin
- This is like free therapy. New York State cares.
- I need some leg warmers, my Croc is stuck!
- [about River] You know, he's just a little boy. Little boys fight. Doesn't mean he's going to grow up to be a frat-boy rapist.
- I like to think that if you put your trust out there; if you really give people the benefit of the doubt, see their best intentions, people will rise to the occasion.
Natalie "Nat" Rochlin
- [on the phone, to Cindy's voicemail] I know you're not gonna call me back but... Hum, one more thing, remember that time I missed your awards dinner? Well, hum, I wasn't really working. I was at home watching Kourtney and Kim Take New York... I'm sorry, hum... What else?
- River Anderson: Go fuck yourselves!
- Billy: Nothing like two dudes and a dog making candles.
- Ned: Such a cliché.
- Jeremy: [referring to Ned not being able to go through with a 3-way with a man and a woman] Just because you're straight doesn't mean you're homophobic.
- Ned: [feeling ashamed of himself] I don't know, maybe I should have tried harder.
- Ned: [working with Billy in their new recycled candle shop] Anyway, what I was saying though, is that people recycle cans, they recycle papers, you know... why not, why not candles? I say, we put a bin out, let people bring their old drippings in their convenience.
- Billy: It's like those, those bags, that say - I used to be a plastic bottle. We can have a bin that say - I used to be another candle!
- Ned: That's a great idea. Yeah. And then when they bring those candles, we put them in another bin that say - I used to be another candle.
- Billy: Yeah... and eventually we can just have one that say - "Trust me, I used to be a lot of candles!"
- Ned: [agreeing, amused by the idea] I was a ton... I used to be a lot of candles!
- Billy: [still revising his literary contribution] Trust me, man... I have been other candles!
- Ned: [looking for his dog Willie Nelson] Hey, man, have you seen Willie Nelson?
- Billy: Oh, Yeah, definitely.
- Ned: When?
- Billy: [realizing what was actually asked] Oh, you mean recently? I just meant, in general, I have seen him!
- Ned: Okay, I, I really didn't want to get litigious, but I brought a lawyer.
- Cindy: [off-screen, shouting into the phone] Well, I am sorry I don't have a big, throbbing cock for you!
- Janet: That's some Ivy League shit out there, man.
- Omar: [speaking extremely slowly] I'm Officer Omar Coleman. I'm your parole officer.
- Ned: I'm Ned Rochlin. Why are you talking so slow?
- Omar: [now speaking normally] I just figured, looking at your sheet, that since you sold grass to a uniformed police officer that you must be retarded.
- Ned: Yeah, I get that a lot.
- Ned: Hey, you know, I've been meaning to tell you. You're doing a really good thing here, Omar. Seriously. I mean you talk to us screw-ups, you give us a reason for getting out of bed in the morning.
- Omar: Thanks, man. So you get out of bed in another three weeks, okay?
- Ned: I'll do it.
- Omar: I appreciate the compliment. It's rare that we get love from the clients.
- Ned: Well, you're a good dude. And I just needed this appointment today, I'm having a tough go of it. I swear, I try and do good, but I just fuck it up. Man, I fucked it up with my sisters, I'm back living with my mom. On top of it all, I broke down and smoked a joint with the kid that lives across the street from me.
- Omar: Okay, I didn't just hear that.
- Ned: I said I broke down and smoked a joint with the kid that lives across the stre...
- Omar: What are you doing? Hey! Ned, why are you telling me this?
- Ned: I just need to unload, man. That's part of why I'm here, right?
- Omar: I'm not your therapist, Ned. You don't tell your parole officer you got high. Now I have to report you or I could lose my job.
- Ned: Seriously? Can you forget I said that?
- Omar: No, Ned, I can't.
- Ned: Aw, shit.
- Janet: I am not going to stand here and be insulted on my own porch.
- Miranda: I'll insult you right here.
- Janet: Okay, I'm a pacifist. I don't play that way.
- Miranda: I'm gonna peace you in the side of the head you don't give us the dog.
- Janet: I'm not going to receive that with anything but love.
- Paul Rudd - Nedrick "Ned" Rochlin
- Elizabeth Banks - Miranda Rochlin
- Zooey Deschanel - Natalie "Nat" Rochlin
- Emily Mortimer - Liz Rochlin Anderson
- Adam Scott - Jeremy Horne
- Kathryn Hahn - Janet Ziebell
- Steve Coogan - Dylan Anderson
- Hugh Dancy - Christian Smith
- Rashida Jones - Cindy Harris
- T.J. Miller - Billy Orwin
- Matthew Mindler - River Anderson
- Shirley Knight - Ilene Rochlin
- Janet Montgomery - Lady Arabella Galloway
- Lydia Haug - Tatiana
- Sterling K. Brown - Parole Officer Omar Coleman
- Bob Stephenson - Officer Washburn
- Katie Aselton - Amy (dog owner)