Paul (film)

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Paul is a 2011 British-American science fiction comedy film directed by Greg Mottola, written by Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, and starring Pegg, Frost, and Seth Rogen as LIKES TO SUCK DICK


  • What do you know, the geek shall inherit the Earth.
  • Sometimes you just gotta roll the dice.
  • Over the last 60 years, the human race has been drip-fed images of my face, on lunchboxes and t-shirts and shit. It’s in case our species do meet, you don’t have a fucking spaz attack!
  • Evolution, baby.
  • Get your goddamn hands off my motherfucking junk!
  • (to Graeme, who is drawing a portrait of him) Are you going to draw me like one of your French girls, Jack?
  • You were amazing, Graeme! That cop didn’t suspect a thing! And Clive… you didn’t pee your pants.
  • Yo, fucknuts! It’s probing time.
  • Clive, I can feel your boner.
  • Clive likes boning space bears!

Graeme Willy[edit]

  • He needs our help. Sometimes you just got to roll the dice.
  • We’re just a couple of regular guys on a tour of the less touristy side of the American Midwest.

Clive Gollings[edit]

  • (in Klingon) Graeme. Strike this woman.
  • Aliens aren’t called Paul.
  • (after being asked about having sex with a girl dressed like an Ewok) Well, she was furry nice.

Agent Lorenzo Zoil[edit]

  • Mother fucking titty-sucking two-balled bitch!
  • (after shooting the communicator) Boring conversation anyway.
  • (to Haggard and O’Reilly) Listen to me, Frick and Fuck, I want you to tell me everything you remember about the pissy nerds.
  • Three tits. That's awesome.


(sharing the same bed at the hotel)
Clive: What are you going to dream about?
Graeme: Wonder Woman.
Clive: Please don’t.

Graeme: (taking pictures of the Black Mailbox) Do you remember when we Googled it on your mum’s computer and the phone rang and you thought it was the FBI?
Clive: I didn’t really think it was the FBI.
Graeme: You started crying.
Clive: I had jet lag.
Graeme: We’d only been to Brussels.

Clive: They’re going to rape us and break our arms!
Graeme: I don’t want my arms broken!

Graeme: Are you an alien?
Paul: To you I am, yes.
Graeme: Are you gonna probe us?
Paul: (annoyed) Why does everyone always assume that? What am I doing? Am I harvesting farts? How much can I learn from an ass?
Graeme: Uh – what?

Paul: I’m Paul.
Graeme: Paul?
Paul: Yeah. It’s a nickname that stuck. My ship crashed on a… dog. It doesn’t matter!

Haggard: (looking at the cover of Clive’s book) Ha! Three tits. That’s awesome.
O’Reilly: You guys should have given her four tits.
Graeme: ... That’s just sick.

(after Paul heals and eats a recently dead bird)
Graeme: Did you ever do that to a person?
Paul: Yes. I’ve eaten many people.
(Clive looks at him, scared)
Paul: I’m kidding, big guy. Relax.

(flashback of Paul talking to Steven Spielberg through the radio)
Steven Spielberg: I want him to have some kind of special power. Something messianic.
Paul: Okay, Steven, how about cellular revivification?
Spielberg: Yeah, I don’t know what that is.
Paul: Oh. Restoration of damaged tissue through telepathic manipulation of intrinsic field memory.
Spielberg: What’s that mean?
Paul: It means healing, Mr. Spielberg.
Steven: Yeah, right. Healing!

Graeme: (after Ruth fainted) If we take her with us, we could get her on our side!
Clive: Yeah, you’d like getting her on your side, wouldn’t you?
Paul: … That doesn’t make any sense.

Graeme: There’s probably billions of intelligent civilizations out there.
Ruth: So where is everybody? Hmm?
Graeme: I - But one of them’s there! (points at Paul, who is in the RV showing them his butt)
Paul: (to Clive) Are they looking? Are they looking?

Graeme: Look, just because your truth isn’t the true truth, it doesn’t mean there’s no truth, Ruth.
Ruth: That’s easy for you to say.
Graeme: It’s really not.

Ruth: Fuckeroo. That was the best titty-farting sleep I ever had.
Paul: I have the feeling you’re new to cursing, Ruth.

Ruth: (talking to the agents about Paul) He showed me things.
O’Reilly: She’s talking about his spaceman balls! (Haggard slaps him)

(Paul becomes invisible in order for them to go outside)
Ruth: Okay. I’m in.
Paul: Rocky?
Clive: Sure.
Paul: Bullwinkle?
Graeme: Well, I’m a little bit tired.
Paul: Don’t be a pussy.
Graeme: Don’t call me a – all right.

Paul: (smoking a joint) It’s pretty strong shit, I got it from the military, actually. This is the stuff that killed Dylan.
Graeme: Bob Dylan’s not dead.
Paul: (smirks) Isn’t he?

Zoil: I don’t want to be where you are.
The Big Guy: Too bad, seeing as how I’m the one holding all the cards. And when I say "cards", I of course mean, big fucking gun.
Paul: Very big gun.
The Big Guy: Come on, Mork.
Paul: Don’t call me Mork.

[Graeme has just pushed Paul out of a rifle blast.]
Graeme: That was close! [Pauses, looks down at the gaping wound in his chest] Oh my... [Collapses]
Ruth: No!
Clive: Oh God, Graeme! [Rushes to his side] Graeme!
Mr Buggs: [Shocked] I never meant to...
Zoil: Put the gun down, Mr Buggs!
Ruth: Drop the fucking gun, Dad!
Graeme: Oh no... I really liked this t-shirt...
Clive: This is all my fault! We should never have come on holiday.
Graeme: No, no, no, it's- it's fine, it's fine Clive, you know we've, we've had a good time, haven't we?
Clive: Yeah? But you got shot.
Graeme: Aghagh-- Yeah I know but, I can honestly say, Clive, this is the most fun I have ever had... [Dies]


  • There were many sights they planned to see. This was not one of them.
  • This Spring, they're all for one and one for Paul.
  • Who's up for a close encounter?
  • Fugitive, celebrity, slacker, joker, alien.
  • Only Girls Phone Home
  • Ever felt a little alien? (UK poster)


External links[edit]

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