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Paulie is a 1998 film about a bird named Paulie, starring Tony Shalhoub, Gena Rowlands, Hallie Kate Eisenberg and Jay Mohr. Mohr performs the voice of Paulie and plays a minor on-screen character.


Paulie: I'm a bird. I have a small brain, and it's about to explode!

Paulie: Hit the brakes, ugly!
Benny: Oh, that's cute. You train the bird to insult your customers?
Paulie: No, I could tell you're ugly all by myself.

Ivy: Somebody has to teach this beautiful bird some manners. Might as well be me.
Paulie: What's wrong with my manners? [belches]

Ivy: Oh! Oh.
Paulie: You know, maybe your house shouldn't have wheels.
Ivy: Oh, dear. All right, all right. I'll go get some help. You stay here. You know, it's... Don't be frightened. Let's see.

[The flashback shows where Marie is playing on the tire swing]
Marie's Mother: Marie! Marie, come see what your grandpa brought you.
[Marie's Mother leaves and Marie follows her into the house. She meets her grandpa]
Marie: [stuttering] G-G-Grandpa!
Grandpa: My beautiful girl.
[Marie's Mother holds a flower pot and smiles]
Marie: W-What d-did you bring me?
Marie's Mother: Look in the basket, sweetie.
[Marie opens the basket and finds Young Paulie]
Paulie: [voice over] I opened my eyes, and there she was.
Marie: B-Bird.
[Marie picks up Young Paulie. Marie's Mother and grandpa smiles]
Paulie: [voice over] I didn't know what this creature was, but I liked it.
Grandpa: I thought I'd give her someone to talk to. I named him Paulie.
Marie: [cuddles Young Paulie] Pretty P-Paulie.
Paulie: [voice over] Pretty Marie.
[Marie hugs Young Paulie]

Paulie: It's a long story.
Misha: I'm Russian. I like long stories!
Paulie: All right, Chekov. Sit down. It all started with Marie.
Misha: The one from the song?
Paulie: Yeah. The one from the song.

Warren: I just cannot believe you didn't tell me about this.
Lila: I wanted to write you.
Warren: Well, then why didn't you?
Lila: I didn't know what to say.
Warren: Is she getting any better? Is her voice hoarse, or is it going away?
Lila: No, but it won't go away, if you haven't put too much pressure on her.
Warren: I don't think you put enough pressure on her.
Lila: She's a little girl. I can't stand to see her suffer. I can't stand it!
Warren: What happens when she goes to school? Do you think she'll be made fun of? Because I can guarantee you she will be.
Lila: Well, what do you think we're supposed to do about it?
Warren: You're telling me. All this "We love you, no matter what you can do." stuff isn't going to work anymore.
Lila: All right, we'll just order her to stop stuttering. Is that the only way we can do to help her?

Narrator: I thought flying was scary - 'til I drove with Ivy.
Ivy: So long, New Jersey!
Paulie: So long, New Jersey!

Paulie: Why does your house have wheels?
Ivy: Houses are a lot cheaper with wheels.
Paulie: I was thinking more along the lines that houses with wheels can go to places.
Ivy: Well, not anymore, I'm afraid. Earl and I used to travel all of the time, you know. But things change. He had even crazier ideas than you have got. We always used to talk about going to The Grand Canyon, but we just never got that far. Yow know, Earl said that if you stand right at the edge just when the sun comes up, it's like seeing the first sunrise in the whole world.
Paulie: He was kind of poetic, wasn't he?
Ivy: For an ex-Marine.
Paulie: Hmm, you miss Earl.
Ivy: Oh, let's not talk about that.
Paulie: You miss Earl.
Ivy: Eat your dinner.
Paulie: Like I miss Marie.

Ivy: You know what you are, Paulie? You're my seeing-eye parrot.
[dissolve to sunset]
Ivy: You've been a dear friend to me, Paulie. We're birds of a feather, you and I. Betwixt and between, that's us. So what do we have tonight? Is it pretty?
Paulie: Oh, very pretty. There's more orange now, and it's getting darker. Just a little gold left.
Ivy: The sun must be almost set. Can you see any stars yet?
Paulie: Not yet.
[cut to ambulance pulling away]
Paulie: And then one day, the cat got her.

Ignacio: What's your story?
Paulie: I'm Paulie, and I'm looking for someone named Marie Alweather. Can you tell me where I am?
Ignacio: You're in L. A.. East L. A..
Paulie: East L. A.? East L. A.! I made it! I made it!
Ignacio: You can talk?
Paulie: [looking at Ignacio's parrots] They can talk.
Ignacio: Them? They don't talk! I say "taco", they say "taco".
Parrots: Taco, taco, taco, taco!
Paulie: Are they okay?
Ignacio: Sure, they're okay. But, I don't know about me. [to himself] I'm talking to a bird. Okay. I'm talking to a bird. [to Paulie] Is her daddy's name Moe?
Paulie: Uh-uh. Warren.
Ignacio: Oh.

Paulie: You're not going to kiss me, are you?
Benny: What? Get outta here.

Benny: What's taking him so long?
Ruby: I don't know.

Researcher 1: Okay, we're going to ask you some questions. We'd like for you to identify the picture. [shows Paulie a picture card with a duck on it] What is this?
Paulie: [annoyed] Duck.
Researcher 1: [shows more cards] What is this?
Paulie: Kite. Umbrella. Look, I don't see how this is "bridging the gap".
Dr. Reingold: Look, Paulie, I know this is frustrating, but we have to follow protocol if we're gonna prove you're capable of cognizant speech.
Paulie: Everyone can see that I can talk!
Researcher 1: [shows another card with a pie on it] What is this?
Paulie: Now, what is that word again for, uh, a dish composed of meat, fowl, fish or vegetables, covered in a layer of paste and baked...? Oh, yeah! It's a pie! Then again, a "pie" could be a magpie, a collection of rules, a copper coin, or what you call a fine lookin' lady. [to a woman taking notes] And if you don't believe me, look it up, blondie. But "pie" can also mean a whole, as in the pie of which we crave a piece, like the whole enchilada, the big salami, the grand prize - the talking bird which you hope will make you rich! That kind of pie! Me! I'm the pie here, and if you don't mind taking your fingers out of me for a moment, I'd like to get some lunch, you lab rat!
Researcher 2: [to Reingold, after an awkward pause] How do I score that?

Dr. Reingold: What do you think you're doing?
Misha: I'm taking him.
Dr. Reingold: You're what?
Misha: I'm taking him where he belongs.
Dr. Reingold: He belongs to the institute.
Misha: No, he belongs to little girl, who needs him.

[last lines]
Marie: Paulie, how did you find me?
Paulie: Well, it's a long story.
Misha: [chuckling] It's the only kind he knows.

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