Petrolheads is a BBC panel game hosted by Neil Morrissey, with team captains Richard Hammond and Chris Barrie. The show pits motoring wits against each other and includes car stunts shot on location.
- Guests: Philip Glenister, Hugo Speer
Neil Morrissey (Referring to Richard Hammond): Petrolheads; the quiz show with medium ranking movie stars and a corporate whore
- Guests: Ronan Keating, Eamonn Holmes
- [Hammond realizes he's smashed into his own Dino yellow Ferrari.]
- Richard Hammond: Tha-a-t's my car…!
- Guests: Edith Bowman, John Gordon Sinclair
- [The "Interesting Signs" round features a picture a cow falling off a cliff onto a car.]
- Sinclair: Jade Goody rock climbing near here?
- [Morrissey prepares for the "Blindfold Parking" round.]
- Neil Morrissey: We know this is a dangerous stunt, but it's okay. We have the AA-recommended first-aid kit…
- [He shows a bottle of brandy.]
- Guests: Murray Walker, James May
- May: I would like to declare that you are still a cock, Hammond.
- Hammond: That's Captain Cock to you
- [Barrie notices after the "Blindfold Parking" round that Hammond has moved the other two cars very close together.]
- Chris Barrie: Hang on… one and a half paces compared to about seven when I started? Come on!
- [Barrie prepares for the "Mystery Car" round.]
- Chris Barrie: Murray, we have to win this. At the end, I don't want Richard going [as Hammond] "It's the only thing I could do!"
- Guests: Ricky Tomlinson, James Martin
- Guests: John Thomson, Fearne Cotton
- [The boys are drooling over a Ford.]
- Cotton: It's okay… I was just thinking I need to get some catfood on my way home…
- [Morrissey introduces the "Mystery Car" round.]
- Neil Morrissey: And now, the only reason Richard Hammond comes here every week…
- [A skull sign is featured in the "Interesting Sign" round.]
- Richard Hammond: Can I just say that's a rubbish sign? It just means there's something bad… "Random Terrifying Event ahead"!