Poker Night 2
Poker Night 2 is a poker video game developed by Telltale Games. It is the sequel to the multi-franchise crossover game Poker Night at the Inventory and features characters from different franchises (Sam & Max, The Venture Bros., The Evil Dead, Borderlands, Portal, Tales of Monkey Island, The Walking Dead, and Gravity Bone).
Opening lines: 
[The player is in what looks to be a limousine. General Skun-ka'pe is reading a newspaper.]
Skun-Ka'pe: Good luck, hu-man.
[The player is then escorted out of the car, and walks towards the Inventory. It is situated in an alleyway, there is a small spatter of blood and a few bullet holes on the door. The door is then opened with a large scraping noise, and the player enters. They head down the stairs, and then take 2 turns to find a long corridor, where talking is heard. The player walks by a few doors, and is stopped by a man getting thrown out of the door and onto the wall, falling to the floor. Following out the door steps Brock Samson]
Brock: Good game. Let's do it again some time.
[Brock then lights a cigarette, while his introduction card shows. After breathing in his cigarette for a moment, he looks to the player.]
Brock: Oh hey, it's you. Alright.. C'mon, I'll lead you in.
[He turns to lead the player, who follows behind him.]
Brock: The name's Samson. Brock Samson. Friggin' place is like a maze.
[Brock appears to open a door, but instead pushes the wall, which opens up. Reginald Van Winslow is seen, next to an elevator which appears to be out of order.]
Reginald: Ah, Mr. Samson! I'd lost track of you for a moment. And you've brought the Player! Splendid!
[Reginald leads Brock and the Player down to the poker tables, conversing as they walk.]
Reginald: On behalf of everyone at the Inventory, I cannot begin to express our unbridled elation to see you return for another night of high-stakes poker!
Brock: Yeah, uh, speaking of high-stakes, things may have gotten.. stabby... over in the mumbly-peg room.
Reginald: Mr. Samson, I once again remind you that the Inventory is NOT your personal abbatoir!
Brock: Yeah yeah. Send the cleaning bill to Venture Industries.
Reginald: That's what you said last time...
[They arrive at the poker tables, Moxxi at the bar, and Reginald takes a drink of what appears to be whiskey.]
Reginald: Ahhh! As always, I am Commodore Reginald Van Winslow (retired), and I will be your host for tonight's perilous voyage on the Seas of Chance!
[Music is heard, and the Player turns around to see Sam in a chair at the table, playing his banjo. His introduction card is shown.]
Sam: Hey, Reggie, these new chairs are great! It's like my keister is being held aloft by the wings of tiny velvet angels!
[Max slides down from the stairs, and hops onto a chair.]
Max: Let me try, Sam!
[Max begins jumping on the Player's chair, as Reginald returns into frame.]
Reginald: I'm afraid there's no room at the table for your plus-one, Sam.
Sam: That's okay, Max'll make his own fun.
[Max aims his pistol in the air.]
Max: Come out with your arms akimbo, Mendoza!
[He shoots once, and Brock joins the table as well. Max puts his gun away.]
Brock: So, when do we get this clambake on the road?
Reginald: In a few minutes. We're still waiting for-
[Reginald is interrupted by Steve, who is onstage with Claptrap.]
Claptrap: Hellooooo future losers!
[Claptrap jumps off the stage and begins to make his way towards the table.]
Reginald: Our remaining contestants.
Claptrap: But seriously, whose HDMI port do I have to kiss to get a drink around here?
[As Claptrap nears the bar, his introduction card is shown.]
Claptrap: Ooh, I realllllly love what you've done with the place. Very "Boardwalk Empire meets Silence of the Lambs."
Reginald: As I was saying, your seat of honor has been re-stuffed to accommodate your... generous undercarriage.
Claptrap: Can we get going? Steve and I have a tee time at Spyglass.
Reginald: I suppose we should. I'd hoped our final contestant would be here by now, but it appears that we'll be one short tonight.
[A loud bang is then heard, and all of the contestants look to the source. A few more bangs are heard, before the window is broken, and someone is thrown through. They stand up to reveal themselves as Ash Williams. He then goes to take a seat, much to the bewilderment of those around him.]
Ash: Deal me in.
[He either does not notice the silence or does not care. He attempts to pick up a martini glass, to which it breaks in his hand. His introduction card is shown. He brushes the broken glass off of the table. Everyone is silent, until Reginald speaks]
Reginald: Tonight's tournaments have a twenty thousand dollar buy-in.
[All of the contestants hand over their cash]
Reginald: Everything seems to be in order. The chips are stacked, the deck is shuffled... let the tournament begin! Gentlemen, I leave you to the tender mercies of GLaDOS.
[GLaDOS drops down.]
GLaDOS: Good evening...
Sam: Great fountains of Wayne!
Ash: What the hell!?
Brock: What in the...?
Claptrap: Hubba hubba!
GLaDOS: This completes the first test of the contestants' poker faces. The bad news is, you all failed miserably. The good news is, you appear to be evenly matched.
[GLaDOS ascends once again.]
GLaDOS: The name of the game is Texas Hold 'Em.
[The game then starts.]
- Sam: Hey, I won again. I wonder what that means?
- Max: Means you're on a roll baby! Bet everything!
- Max: [holding a chainsaw in front of Ash] Looking for something? Check it out, Sam! I'm a tree surgeon!
- Sam: [nonchalantly, to Ash] He's not really a tree surgeon.
- Max: Open wide and say "AH!"
- Ash: You're killing me here, GLaDOS.
- GLaDOS: If I were actually killing you, there would be a lot more screaming. And irony.
- GLaDOS: (ring) Excuse me. I have to take this. Something or someone appears to be exploding back at the lab. (powers down)
- Sam: You know, I've met a lot of robots, but I don't think I've come across one with trans-dimensional cell phone coverage.
- Brock: Yeah, well, that's the least of robot girl's secrets.
- Claptrap: We're not talking "Crying Game" secrets, are we?
- Brock: Not even close. The way I hear it, when GLaDOS was plugged in, she went cuckoo bananas and wiped out the scientists that created her.
- Sam: You'd be amazed how many robots do that.
- Brock: And now she haunts the lifeless labs of Aperture Science performing inhuman experiments on anyone unlucky enough to fall in her mechanical clutches.
- Claptrap: That. Is. So. Hot!
- GLaDOS: (powers up) False alarm, everyone. The explosions turned out to be implosions; which are much easier to contain. Did I miss anything?
- All: (negatory remarks)
- GLaDOS: Management froze me out of the lighting systems after I created a strobe effect to induce seizures in a bus full of freemasons. It was an... illuminating experiment.
- Ash: You made that up just for the pun, didn't you?
- GLaDOS: Maybe. Say cheese. (flashes camera)
- GLaDOS: Brock Sampson has been eliminated.
- Brock: This is a joke, right?
- GLaDOS: I'm not very good at jokes, but here's one: What's yellow and black and red all over?
- Brock: What?
- GLaDOS: Brock Sampson if he doesn't leave this table.
- Brock: Uhh... good one.
- GLaDOS: Actually, my scans indicate that Mr. Williams' hand is fully functional, and its nervous tapping appears to be induced by an outside force. I'll see if I can isolate it.
- Brock: Don't bother, it's morse code.
- Ash: What?
- Brock: D... R... I... N...
- GLaDOS: K. M. O. R. E. B.
- Brock: A... N... A... N... G...
- Ash: Drink more Banang. Huh.
- GLaDOS: Your hand has apparently been possessed by a marketing department.
- GLaDOS: The robot from Pandora is out of chips.
- Claptrap: Darn it, I forgot to turn on my poker subroutine. Can I get a do-over?
- GLaDOS: Your question has activated my rarely used giggle center. (softly) Tee. Hee.
- Claptrap: Rats!
- GLaDOS: Congratulations. You've converted a nearly unbeatable hand into a victory.
- Claptrap: Why can't I get cards like that?
- GLaDOS: Because you're a moron.
- Claptrap: Well, I'd like a second opinion on that.
- Brock: It's true. You're a moron.
- GLaDOS: It appears you have lost all your chips. Oh well. It's only money. Your money. $20,000 of it. Right down the drain.
- GLaDOS: Congratulations. You've won. I'm hoping you weren't expecting baked desserts, because I don't do that anymore.
- GLaDOS: Did you know that the term 'blinds' was coined by a blind poker in the 19th century? Of course you didn't. Because it's a lie. In any event, I'm upping the blinds to 1200 to 2400.
- GLaDOS: It's a mathematical certainty that 80% of you are going to lose tonight. And 100% of you will eventually die. (Beat) Math is fun, don't you think?
- GLaDOS: Good evening. This completes the first test of the contestants' poker faces. Bad news is you all failed miserably. The good news is you appear to be evenly matched. (Departs)
- GLaDOS: The player has been eliminated due to lack of funds. And intelligence.
- (in en)Poker Night 2 Intro, retrieved on 2022-01-31