Poppa's House

Poppa's House, yeah!

You know, at CBS, is it just me, or does it feel like one big family?

Poppa's House (2024–present) is an American television sitcom starring Damon Wayans and Damon Wayans Jr. that aired on CBS. Legendary talk radio host and happily divorced "Poppa" has his point of view challenged at work when a new female co-host is hired, and at home where he finds himself still parenting his adult son, a brilliant dreamer who is trying to pursue his passion while being a responsible father and husband.

Season 1

Pilot [1.01]

[First lines of the series]

Damon: Hey, Dad.

Poppa: Boy.

Damon: Hey, Pop. I need a favor.

Poppa: Son, can I at least get a sip of tea before you start asking me for favors?

Damon: Hey, yeah. You do your thing, man. Sip it up.

[Poppa takes a sip of his coffee.]

Damon: Can you pick the kids up from school today? I have a meeting with an ad agency to direct some spots.

Poppa: I thought you told Nina that you were gonna stop chasing that directing dream.

Damon: I said I was going to. I didn't put a hard clock on it.

Poppa: Oh. So, you lied to your wife.

Damon: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. Never. Our entire relationship is built on complete trust. I'm merely protecting her in case I don't get the job, that way, I don't have to see that disappointed look in her eyes.

Poppa: Oh. your mom had that look. It was her only look. So, what does the foam roller king think about you taking meetings on a work day?

Damon: Well, you know, I just tell JJ, I'm on a sales run, I go in and crush my meetings, back to work, no harm, no foul.

Poppa: Well, there is a foul. You're stealing time from your boss.

Damon: Look, dad, I know you guys go way... You good?

Poppa: Yeah. I'm good. I'm good.

Damon: Look, I know you guys go way back, but, I can't stand working for that dude. It's like having a human hemorrhoid for a father-in-law.

Poppa: This is true, but JJ loaned you money to buy that house next door, and he gave you a job so you can pay him back. That's a contract.

Damon: Well, I can pay him back a lot quicker if you bought a couple hundred of these bad boys.

Poppa: They don't do nothing for me. Look, I paid for your film school, son. That's it. Now I support you emotionally.

Damon: Dad, you know that George Clooney once gave 15 of his best friends a million dollars each?

Poppa: (blows raspberry) That's nothing. I once gave an enemy 5 million dollars.

Damon: Really, who?

Poppa: Your mother. In the divorce.

Damon: She told me it was 3.

Poppa: That's 'cause she didn't want to pay for film school.

Damon: She's the worst. That's my mother.

[The title card reads: "Poppa's House".]

Dwayne Wayans: ♪ Poppa's House, yeah! ♪

---

Nina: Kids, get in the car. Seat belts on. I'll be there in a minute.

Boy: Bye, dad.

Damon: Bye-bye.

Nina: Damon, I've been thinking.

Damon: Uh-oh.

Nina: If you took that management position, daddy's offering, and I planned a few more events, we could afford to send our kids to private school.

Damon: Private school is overrated and overpriced.

Nina: Babe, if you took that promotion, we could afford Buckingham.

Damon: Yeah. But that promotion would leave me no time for doing what I love.

Nina: Directing short films.

Damon: No. Kiss my short wife.

Nina: Don't call me short.

Damon: My sweetie petiti.

Nina: No.

Damon: My little African American.

Nina: How about tiny bit 'cause that's all you gonna get if you keep joking about my height?

Damon: Oh. Right. They have kids.

Nina: Hey. Don't forget to pick 'em up from school.

Damon: Have I ever forgotten? They were fine.

---

Poppa: Poppa's House, how you got your boy.

Ivy: Is this the Poppa?

Poppa: The one and only. Never lonely.

Ivy: Right. Why do you reduce every conversation you have with a woman to sex?

Poppa: Oh. It's not me. It's my ding-a-ling.

Ivy: There you go again. Another reflexively asinine comment.

Poppa: First of all, my asinine is a 10. And secondly, I thought we wasn't talking about sex honey dip.

Ivy: It's doctor.

Poppa: Ooh. Doctor. Like Doctor Doctor. So, if someone's having a heart attack on a plane, you raised your hand.

Ivy: No. Not that kind of doctor.

Poppa: They're not really a doctor I mean.

Ivy: I have a PhD in psychology and I know men like you.

Poppa: Really? Could you put one of them on the phone, 'cause I'm poorly talking with you.

Ivy: You're probably sitting there with your goofy baseball cap, talk to the side in your menopause cardigan, thinking that your scruffy beard makes you look cool, but it really just makes you look like a ghetto Poppa smirked.

Poppa: Ha. You couldn't be more wrong about me.

---

Damon: Look, dad. If you want to relax on camera, I tell my actors these 3 things. Right? Quiet hands, always smile, and never look in your camera.

Poppa: That's it?

Damon: That's it.

Poppa: Nothing else.

Damon: Well, let Dr. Reed know whose house she lived in.

Poppa: What do you mean?

Damon: Whose house is Dr. Reed in?

Poppa: My house.

Damon: Get up. Say it. Poppa's House. Say it.

Poppa: She's in Poppa's House.

Damon: Whose house is Dr. Reed in?

Poppa: She's in my house.

Damon: She's in your house and she's trespassing.

Poppa: That's right.

Damon: The living legend. 6 time Marconi radio award winner...

Poppa: 7 times.

Damon: 7 time Marconi radio award winner. The master of the Mike, the king of the commute, the Adonis of audio...

Poppa: The MJ of the airwaves.

Damon: Oh, give me that LeBron.

Poppa and Damon: (together) Headlines.

Sleepover [1.02]

Damon: W–W–W–W... Why do you think I always want something from you?

Poppa: B–B–B–B... Because you always do.

Podcast [1.03]

Poppa: Can you believe they're using artificial intelligence to make me say things I would never ever say?

---

Damon: Everyone, I have great news. Uh, Our PA is no longer a production assistant, she is now a full-on producer.

School Days [1.04]

Ivy: Hey, Junior.

Damon: Hiya, Ivy.

---

Damon: But, here's the best part. He got accepted into Buckingham.

Poppa: The Palace?!

Cast

• Damon Wayans - Poppa
• Damon Wayans Jr. - Damon
• Essence Atkins - Ivy
• Tetona Jackson - Nina

External links

• Poppa's House quotes at the Internet Movie Database